| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard started off the show talking about how his dog woke him up at about 1 in the morning. He wasn't able to go back to sleep until about 4 when he had to get up anyway. He's not sure why the dog got up but it may have had something to do with the heat in the apartment. He said he asked her what was wrong but she didn't answer him.
Howard talked about the Mets playoff games and what went on with them over the weekend. Artie and Gary got in on that discussion and talked about how they won on Thursday night. Then they lost on Friday and Saturday. Gary said that last night they got another win. Artie said that he's actively rooting against the Mets because he hates the team and the fans because they're annoying.
Gary said he's not sure if he's doing a character of an asshole Yankees fan or if he's for real. Howard seems to think he's for real. Gary said he and the other Mets fans out there understand that the Yankees are very good but they don't have to rub it in people's faces all the time like they do. Artie said that New York is big enough to support both teams. He said he doesn't want to hear from the Mets fans until they win another World Series.
Gary also talked about how Detroit won their playoff games so they're home resting while the Mets are still playing. Howard asked Artie how he's going to feel if Detroit loses to the Mets because that would almost mean that the Mets could have beat the Yankees. Artie said that's not true, they don't know that unless they actually played.
Fred got into the discussion and talked about how the Mets fans are just as bad as the Yankees fans as far as backing up their team. Fred is a big Yankee fan and Howard had no idea.
Gary asked Howard if he watched any of the football games that were on this weekend. Howard saw some of the Jets game but didn't see the whole thing. Artie got them back on the Mets after talking about last night's game. They spent a short time on that and then Gary brought up the football pool.
Howard said that Crazy Alice lost this weekend. She's still in first place at 4-1. Big Foot is in second after another win with 3-2-1. Artie lost so he's 2-4. Elegant Elliot Offen is also at 2-4 with a win this weekend. Alice is still in first place but she doesn't have as much of a lead as she did.
Artie wondered what they would be called by the paparazzi if they were dating. They were throwing around names like Blang, Bling and just plain ''Gross'' by Howard.
Howard said he tried to watch a movie on pay-per-view last night and it turned out to be pretty bad. He said it was a movie about a girl who had to be a boy to get on a soccer game. He lasted 5 minutes in that. Then he and Beth tried to watch ''Failure to Launch'' and that wasn't all that great. He said that he was watching Beth and she fell asleep within a few minutes.
Howard said the movie was mind numbing and he just couldn't take it. He finally fell asleep after that and then the dog woke him up. He said he hates that on work days because he has to get up so early.
Howard read an article about Patty Smith who was there at the club last night. She was talking about how the club is a state of mind and the younger kids need a place of their own now. Howard said he really doesn't care about CBGBs or if kids have a place to go. Artie said that the young kid's place is on the web now.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about why the club is closing. The owner has been battling cancer and the landlord decided not to let them renew their lease. They're going to be taking everything out of the club to save it.
Howard was talking about Patty Smith and how he wasn't a big fan of hers. He said that she didn't have any great songs and the big hit she did have, ''Because The Night'' was a cover of a Springsteen song. Fred played a couple of her songs to show how bad her music really was. She used the N-word in one song so the guys were thinking that maybe she was ahead of her time back then. Howard and Fred said that John Lennon used the word in a song before Patty Smith ever did. Fred played that song and Howard joked that Howard 100 News would be doing a report about all of the songs where they use the N-word.
Howard played an old message that Mr. Christy left where he offered to send Richard some raccoon dicks to show to the guys on the show. Howard said Richard told him that he used to go hunting with his father and the guy would get his foot caught in traps and stuff.
Richard came in and said he's not going to do any coon hunting with his father anymore, he was never really into it. Fred played a new theme song they have for Richard before he could get a word in. He talked about how they used to hunt and how horrible it was running around in the dark trying to catch these things. They would sell the furs to a guy who had them hanging all over his barn. He said the barn stunk and there were a bunch of skins hanging from the walls. Richard said his father would take the meat to Kansas City and sell that to the black people there.
Ralph called in and said that Richard needs to shower because he has a stink about him. Artie said he's noticed that as well and that's why he likes Ralph sometimes. Richard didn't think he smelled that bad but these guys have noticed it. Richard said he didn't shower today and the last time he did shower was on Saturday afternoon.
Howard asked Richard why he doesn't shower every day. Richard tried to answer but all he got out was ''Uhm...'' Richard said he's got a busy life and he doesn't always have time to shower. He said that Sal doesn't seem to care about the smell so that's why he doesn't bother.
The guys said that Sal and Richard's office stinks like a locker room. Richard said he had a room deodorizer but Howard made them shut it off. Richard said that he didn't have time to shower this morning because he had to get up at 4 in the morning. Howard suggested that he take one at night but Richard said he wanted to get to bed early. He doesn't take just 10 minute showers, he said he really gets into it and takes really long showers.
Howard said that he hung up a cage with a canary in Sal and Richard's office to see if it's safe to go in there. Artie said he wasn't able to eat one day when he was sitting next to Richard. He said the guy smelled like bad B.O. and he couldn't eat anything. Richard was smiling through all of this and thinking that it was all funny.
Richard said he was trying to avoid things like this so Ralph told him to just take a shower. He said that he wondered if they should mop the carpet in the office or something. The guys told Richard that it's not the room, it's him.
Gary came in and said that Richard has a girlfriend and the guys were wondering if she ever notices the smell. Richard said that she has asked him to brush his teeth once in a while. Ralph said that her telling him that just once is too much. If she notices the smell, it's got to be really bad. Ralph said that his smell really takes over when he enters a room.
Howard said that Richard is like a little kid with that stuff. Ralph said that's why he thinks Richard might be a little retarded. Richard said he used to go weeks without a shower but now it's just a few days so he's working up to every day. Richard said he thought about showering this morning but he wanted to get to work early so he didn't bother.
Howard got a note from someone about how Gary's breath was really bad when he was on the South Beach diet. Gary said that was two years ago.
Howard said Richard went out to Kansas over the weekend to visit his parents and he recorded some screaming kids on the flight out there. Howard played the audio and the kid was screaming like it was in pain. The guys said that it was probably crying because of Richard's stink. The kid cried for hours according to Richard. He said it was probably close to a full hour.
Howard said that Richard called this nerdy guy on a public access show again and he's been driving him nuts. The guy was on Howard's show one time to show his 13 inch penis but he doesn't seem to have a sense of humor. The guy does a show about the Yankees. Howard played the clip where Richard goofed on him about being nerdy and having a huge penis. The guy, Jonah, went off on Richard and the other guys who call his show like that. He said his show is going to succeed because he's going to put his heart into it.
In another clip the guy replayed an old show but he put in a disclaimer about the people who were prank calling him. He went off on Howard for what his guys are doing and said that his show is dead and the prank calls are so 1990s. He did say that his ratings have gone up since they started calling him. He said he's going to be switching over to a movie discussion show after the baseball season is over. He said he won't be talking about Howard's movie ''Private Parts.''
Howard said if he did release the movie, it would probably take up his whole life getting caught up in details. Ralph told him not to get caught up in all of the details and just get it done. Howard said he's one to talk. That led to him asking Ralph if he's dating any girls right now because so many people ask about that.
Richard said Ralph didn't even go to Ronnie's Scores party. Gary said that Ralph is just way too cool for their parties. Howard doesn't think that's the case, there's something else going on there and it's really weird. Ralph is like 40 years old and he won't share his life with anyone. He said his life is going to be a disaster if he doesn't do something.
Ralph said that the last time he had sex was a few months ago. Robin thought that was kind of odd for him. Howard said there is a little part of him that thinks that Ralph might be gay but he's pretty sure he's not. He did hear from someone that Ralph gave a guy a hand job in a hot tub one time. Ralph said that story was all made up and he never did that. Ralph said that he has been in a room with other naked guys but he's never fucked another guy.
Ralph said that he and someone else banged a chick together. He did his Steve Grillo impression while saying that he was going to remain nameless. Ralph said he was banging this chick while the other guy was getting a blow job. He wasn't sure where he finished or how he did but he remembers the other guy going down on the chick after he had finished with her. He said the guy was on her for like an hour but he's not sure if he wore a condom or not. He said he doesn't like to cum inside a chick so he probably went all over her.
Ralph said that the guy was going down on the chick while he passed out for a couple of hours. When he woke up, that guy was still on the chick. He thought that was pretty weird.
Howard was going to let Ralph go but Ralph brought up a story they did on 60 Minutes last night about a stripper who claims that she was raped by some college kids. JD came in and said that he had some clips from that segment where they let the term ''Little dick white boy'' out on the air. Howard didn't seem to care much about that though so he didn't bother playing the clips.
Ronnie came in and said that it was about 22 people who showed up. He said that some people begged to come but didn't show up after they got their invitations. He said Ralph didn't show up either after saying he was going to come. Howard said that's what he was talking about with Ralph acting really weird. Artie said that he thinks Ralph is depressed or something. Howard said whatever it is, it's really weird.
Robin said that Ralph does seem to be spending a lot of time at home. He doesn't share his life with anyone. Howard said that everyone on the show shares their life with someone but Ralph really doesn't. Artie thinks that he's just really depressed because that's what depression does to a guy. He said he's been there and knows what it's like. He said he's also done that kind of thing when he's on drugs.
Ronnie said he knew a guy who didn't leave his house and would stay in his pajamas all the time. He would get girlfriends and stuff but he would never leave his parents house and he's not sure how that worked. Howard said he got Ralph a therapist but he stopped going.
Ralph was back on the phone so he said he just got tired on Thursday and didn't make it to the party. Ronnie said that it's every party they invite him to. Ralph said that he tries to make it and sometimes he just can't work things out.
Ralph also revealed that his big screen TV keeps him at home more now because it's so great. Ronnie hooked him up with that so he was taking some of the blame for that.
Howard got back to the Scores party and talked about how much fun that was. He apologized to Ronnie for not saying goodbye to him. Ronnie said that was fine, he didn't have a problem with that.
Howard played a clip of Jason and Will's Page 69 report about the Scores party. Jason said that Sal's behavior there was very strange and he ended up throwing up on Richard after having a few too many tequila shots. Howard wondered why everything with Sal is with Richard. Ronnie said that Richard didn't even care that he had gotten puked on him. Jason said that Sal was trying to wipe up the puke with cocktail napkins and people were screaming and stepping in the puke.
Ronnie said that everyone was worried about Sal and he promised nothing would go wrong. Then he goes and pukes on Richard. Howard played another clip where Will said that he saw Sal talking to Richard about how he's much more talented than Artie is and he was crying as he was telling him that. Howard said Sal wasn't even getting lap dances when he saw him. He was just telling everyone how much he loves them.
Howard wondered why Sal would try to get something started between Richard and Artie. Sal came in and said that he was drunk so that must be why he was saying that stuff. He also said that Artie always bashes their comedy so that might be where that came from. Artie said he doesn't remember bashing his stand-up so bad.
Gary came in and said that he heard that Sal had to do the Scores walk of shame where he had to take one of the strippers to an ATM and give her more money. Sal said it was this Russian chick and he had told her that he was a producer from Dancing with the Stars. He said it costs you 10 bucks to get money out of the machine and it would only give him $100 at a time. He said she took more money from him that he was going to give her. He said that she was Russian but she's the only Russian chick that he knows by the name of Juanita.
Artie told Sal that he's not doing any gigs with Sal anymore because of this comment he made to Richard. He said he's a creepy fucker and he doesn't want to do shows with him now. Sal said that Richard has been upset about Artie lately so that's why he was trying to make him feel better. Artie said that the worst thing he said was that Richard's comedy needed some work.
Richard came in and said that Sal wasn't trying to start something, he was just being nice to him. Artie asked Richard if he was really upset. Richard said he was upset at the roast when he ripped him apart. Robin pointed out that they were at a roast at the time and that's what they do. Richard said it was before the roast started though. Artie said he doesn't rip on the guy, he just said that his act needed some work, that's it.
Artie told Sal and Richard not to ask him for advice on their acts anymore. Richard said it was just that one day at the roast that it was so bad. Howard thinks that it's Sal who keeps bringing this stuff up. Sal doesn't get why Howard takes all of this out on him. Howard told him it's because he fucks everything up when he goes to these events that they do.
Howard said that Richard was not upset at Scores when he saw him so he still thinks that it was Sal who brought up the Artie thing there. Even Richard said that he wasn't thinking about the Artie thing there at Scores but it's on his mind a lot. Howard was right then, Sal must have brought Artie's name up during that conversation. Howard told the two of them to save this stuff for the marriage counseling. Robin told Richard to talk to Artie if he's upset about his comments.
Artie said he's really not going to do these gigs that he was going to do because he thinks that Sal is a creep. Sal said that he was just trying to make Richard feel better and didn't understand why Artie was so upset. Howard wanted to get both Sal and Richard out of there. Sal said they'd go if they got Artie out of there. They left a short time later and then Artie threw in another comment about what the two of them do when he said he'd leave and go in the back and yell out the C-word to some public access shows.
Sal came back in a short time later went off on Artie for the jokes that he does on every talk show he does. Artie said that's not true but Sal said that Artie just has to get in the last joke. He said that it's not a big deal that he did what he did and he should just forget about it. Sal went off on Artie a little more about bashing the shit out of Richard. Both Howard and Artie don't think he did bash Richard though so they're not sure where this is coming from.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal and Richard need Artie but Artie doesn't need them. Melrose Larry Green called in and told Sal and Richard that they're out of their minds and that they suck and Artie is hilarious. Sal apologized to Artie for using his name while trying to make Richard feel better. Artie said he wasn't offended by it, he was creeped out by it.
Ralph called in again and said that Sal and Richard are always like a couple referring to ''we'' whenever they talk about what they do. They're like two broads.
Eric said that he also wanted to talk about the weekend box office stuff but ''The Marine'' didn't make it into the top 3 movies. He said he didn't see a report on how much it made either. The guys spent a short time talking about the other movies that did make money over the weekend. Ralph was still on the line goofing on Eric.
Robin said that The Marine made $7 million this weekend. Eric asked the fans to go see the movie because he wants it to be successful. Howard did his impression of Eric and said that he's in love with John Cena. Eric said that the WWE is a great thing and he wants John Cena to do well. He also said that he really enjoyed the movie. Robin said that the movie got zero stars from the critics though.
The guys were all doing their Eric impressions and goofing on him but Howard had to cut it short because he had gone over an hour and a half without a commercial break. He let Eric go but Gary told him he had a clip that Richard had pulled from that Roast day where Artie made comments about Richard's comedy act.
In the clip Artie told Richard he sucks when he's drunk and when he's sober. Artie said that he's awful and goofed on him about that a little bit. They were just in the Roasting mood that day though so that's where it was coming from with Artie. Richard took it way too personally.
Artie was drunk that day so he may have been venting about the way he really feels. Richard got very upset with him and said that he's heard good things about his act from people like Rev. Bob Levy. In the clip we also hear Sal come in and tell Richard he really is awful.
Artie told the guys that he was doing that in the roasting mood and it was just a joke. Ralph said that Artie may have told him one time that there are some people on the show who claim to be comics but they have no business being on stage. Artie didn't remember that conversation. Richard came in again and said that Artie built him up after doing a show one time and then bashed him that day on the show. Richard also said that he was pissed at Sal that day for the comments he made.
Artie told Richard that he and Sal are a couple of girls and they really need to get over this stuff. Howard let Ralph go and then Eric the Midget got in a few more words so Howard could go to break. It was an hour and 40 minutes since the start of the show.
Lisa G said that the makers of the Sybian have a male masturbation machine and it's been flying off the shelves lately. Howard said he actually tried that machine one time on the show. It's called Venus 2000. Howard talked about how heavy the thing is and how it has it's own suitcase that you carry it around in.
Artie asked Howard at what level he would jerk off over having sex with a celebrity. Howard said he would bang a 6 or a 3 before he would jerk off or fuck a fat chick. He said that he can't deal with chicks who are overweight by 15 pounds. If a chick has a good body, he'll bang her even if she's got a bad face. He said they have to be thin because he's got a real thing about heaviness. He has to starve himself to stay thin so the chick has to do the same thing and be thin as well. Howard said he's really focused on Beth right now and there must be something wrong with him because he left Scores early last Thursday to be home with her.
Artie said that he was talking about how he and his friends used to have discussions about what it would be like if they found out that Howard was gay. They said that would be one of the worst things. That and finding out that any one of the Yankees is gay. Howard said he doesn't even want people thinking like that.
Lisa said they'll have some behind the scenes stories about Ronnie's Scores party on Howard 100 News. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said that Scott Greenstein has been driving him nuts about that whole free thing. He said that Scott was telling him that people in China would be able to tune in and hear it. Howard said some of those meetings get very gay.
Howard brought up Dancing with the Stars because one of the women had to leave the show due to some personal problems. He wondered if they were going to bring someone back or what. Robin said that they should just not vote someone off this week like they do on Survivor when someone walks off the show.
Howard talked about this guy Steve Lyons who was fired from FOX sports. He had some audio clips of Lyons and some other guys goofing on someone in the crowd of a game. It turns out that the guy had vision problems and was wearing some goofy glasses. They were obsessed with the guy's glasses and couldn't figure it out. The comments were pretty funny but not appropriate.
Howard played another clip where Lyons made some comments that were a little too racial for FOX. The guy cracked a joke about Lou Pinella and him losing his wallet. It wasn't even that clear to the guys what they were talking about. Gary said that after the comment they said that the phones lit up with Hispanic people complaining. Artie didn't think it was something the guy should be fired over but it's too late, he's already gone.
Howard took a call from Slober who asked when the Gary Roast was taking place. Howard told him that's on October 26th. Slober also asked if he would be willing to switch producers with Bubba's show for a week. Howard said he doesn't want to do that, there's no point to it. He said that Brent is a great producer but he can't imagine doing something like that.
Howard said that Steve Langford called into Bubba's show the other day and they goofed on him by playing some Evel Knievel audio clips. He said that was pretty funny and played that segment for everyone.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he has met Steve Lyons and gave Howard an update on some of the stuff he's heard him say before. Larry's voice was kind of screwed up so Howard wanted him to clear his voice. Artie asked him if he's there at Jimmy Kimmel's show every night. Larry said he is there almost every night and they let him in whenever he shows up.
Howard took another call from a guy who straightened them out on the Lou Pinella line that Steve Lyons was talking about. Another caller told Howard that Gilbert Gottfried was great during last Friday's Mastertape Theatre show. Howard said he was listening and it was great.
Gary came in with another story about Steve Lyons. He gave it to Howard and he read some of the comments he was fired over. The guys didn't seem to think they were all that bad. Howard said that he wants to hear someone giving his opinion on a show like that, it makes it more interesting.
Howard played their first song parody about Benjy called ''Benjy, Benjy.'' Howard got a few laughs out of that one. He had another one called ''Booey's Got Rhythm'' that was pretty well produced. Howard said it wasn't bad and the guy was at least trying. Artie still didn't get the Cinnamon Artie song and what that was supposed to be about. It didn't make sense to anyone.
Howard played the parody that this guy sent in recently where he sings about Robin's Squeezebox. It was so bad that it was actually good. Artie likes that one and they get a laugh out of it every time they play it.
Mel wouldn't put any of the blame on his father for his hateful comments. Howard seems to think that's where Mel's hate comes from because Mel's father is openly anti-Semitic.
Robin said that Mel was supposed to make a film about the holocaust but Disney dropped it after all of this stuff came about. Howard said the guy seems to be very obsessed with the Jews.
Howard took a call from a guy who was calling in from Bangkok, Thailand. He turned up his internet radio so Howard had to ask him to turn it down. The guy had nothing to say though so Howard was going to let him go. The guy wanted to talk about Mel Gibson though. He said a couple of words about that and got Howard revved up about him again. Howard said that Mel is just an asshole.
The caller said that he thinks that Artie is great on the show. Howard let him go after that. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she was out handing out flyers for the free SIRIUS stuff that's going on later this month. Howard thanked her for that and got her off the phone very quickly. He had to go to break after that.
Howard read a plug for the Miserable Men show that's airing tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm. He said that Rev. Bob Levy, Shuli and Geno Bisconte are the hosts. He wondered what happened to Jim Florentine but no one had an answer so he figured he must be out working or something.
Howard said that they're still looking for America's Hottest Ex-Con entrants. He said that they only have one so far and she may win the $5,000 if she's the only one they get. He said you can get more details at HowardStern.com.
Howard also said that they want to pay people to watch porn so they're looking for the funniest, most outrageous porn clip that anyone can find. That's another $5,000 contest that's sponsored by Clips4Sale.com.
Howard mentioned that their phone number there is 888-9-ASSHOLE and if you leave out the 9 you get a porn line. He played some audio of that and said it's kind of funny that guys still jerk off to that kind of stuff because he used to do that years ago, before the web. He said he used to set up his room so he could make sure none of his family would walk in on him.
Howard played some audio from the show and heard the host, Julie Donaldson, introducing them. Gary said she's really hot too. She said hello to Gary, Jim Breuer and Matt from MeetTheMets.com. Howard listened to the Mets theme song for a few seconds and then forwarded through that to get to the questions. Gary knew a lot of answers in the trivia challenge.
Gary said that after the first 3 rounds he had 180 points and that guy Matt had like 120 while Jim Breuer came in last and got kicked off. Gary had to compete against Matt in a second round but he ended up beating him over all.
Artie knew a bunch of the answers but not all of them. Gary said Ronnie asked him what he got for the win. Gary said he got nothing so Ronnie told him that was bullshit.
Howard played an audio clip as an example of what people should be sending in as the funniest porn clips for their latest contest. He played one from a Gag Factor movie where a guy was giving a woman oral at a nudist camp and she was making gagging sounds. Howard wondered what the visual was like. Richard Christy came in and said that the guy was using her mouth like a vagina. He said that she throws up on him as well in that clip. Richard asked if gay clips are accepted. Howard said it's any porn clip.
Howard said that Mike would try to sneak fat chicks back to his hotel room when he'd go out on the road with Bob Levy. Mike said that was before he was married, which was over 10 years ago. Mike said he did the midget chick a couple of times and treated her pretty well. He said that she would tell him that he was ''so big'' but it was all relative to her size of course.
Mike said that he's not that big of a guy but now he knows what a big football player must feel like being able to flip a chick around.
Howard got in a couple of mentions for the upcoming Gary roast and the Bitter Half show that will be taking place on the two days that will be broadcast for free.
Howard found out that Mike is the guy who sang the Jon Hein song parody ''Rich Nerd'' and also sang on ''Ralphie Cakes'' which is one of his favorites. Mike said that he tried talking to Ralph a couple of times when he was up there at SIRIUS but he would always ignore him. He said he went home and recorded the ''Ralphie Cakes'' song and Ralph loves it. Fred played the song to let everyone hear that. Howard then brought in Jon Hein so they could play his ''Rich Nerd'' song as well.
Gary said that Steve Langford was nowhere to be found but Jon Hein was there to do his show preview. Howard asked Gary where Mike's plugs were so he could read them. Gary came in and said that Will hadn't gotten the plug from Mike yet so they didn't have it for him.
Fred played Jon Hein's theme ''Rich Nerd'' and Howard told him that he's got to stick to those parodies because they're funny. Mike said he's sent in a few others like one parody about Dana dumping Artie. Fred found that one and played it for Howard. Artie didn't want to hear it but they went through it anyway. It was to the tune of ''Desperado.'' Howard said he had no idea these were Mike's songs. Mike said that he might have to put his name in there so he'll know who they came from. Howard told him the song gives him chills for some reason. He also told Mike he's got a great voice.
Artie said that if Mike were famous, they could comment on his life as well. He went on to talk about how much sleep he got out in L.A. while he was out there over the weekend. He had a couple of meetings but spent most of his time sleeping out there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he likes Mike's songs better than anyone else's on the show. The guy was also saying that he's going to Iraq soon and all of his buddies are happy because he's got a SIRIUS subscription and they'll be able to listen on the web while they're over there. Howard told the guy not to go and to go to jail instead. He said that this guy probably didn't know he was going to be going to Iraq. He wished the guy luck over there.
Howard gave Mike some plugs for an appearance he has coming up and for his web site Mike-Morse.com.
Steve got back to his preview and said they'll be visiting Riley Martin's apartment and giving a report on that. Fred threw in a song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man did using clips from Riley's radio show. Steve said he hasn't been out there yet but he's looking forward to it.
Steve said that they're also going to be talking about the History of the Howard Stern Show special that will be airing next year. Fred was playing the Steve Langford clip ''Rectal itch'' that they've been playing lately. Mike told Steve that kind of ruins his news credibility when he hears him saying that. Howard had Fred play the prank call that Sal and Richard made to a pharmacy using clips of Steve saying ''Rectal Itch'' and trying to get some help.
Steve got back to his Howard 100 News preview and mentioned that they have a new Page 69 coming up. Howard let him go and had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said that they'll be talking about Ronnie's Scores Party and about Artie and Sal's argument from early in the morning. Jon wasn't at the Scores party because he had a friend in visiting from Texas. Jon also said that they'll be trying to figure out what's wrong with Ralph these days. Jon said that they'll also talk about Mike Morse's song parodies.
Howard wondered if they have missed any of Mike's song parodies. Mike mentioned a couple and one of them was a song parody about Richard Christy. Another one was about Mel Gibson called ''Why I Hate All of the Jews.'' Howard said he thinks he likes the other three better than that one.
Jon Hein wrapped up with his show preview so Howard let him go. He gave Mike another plug for his comedy show.
Howard read some mail about Artie and Dice. Some people don't know why Artie is doing another show with him. Artie said there are a lot of people like that out there. Artie said that he and Dice aren't enemies so he has no problem with it.
Someone wrote in and complained that Howard was being too tough on Artie. Howard wondered if he was too tough on him and asked Artie if he thinks he has been goofing on him too much. Artie didn't seem to have a problem with it and didn't have anything to say about it. Artie told the guys he's not the one complaining, it was the e-mailer who was complaining.
Fred found Mike Morse's song parody about Richard Christy and played that. Howard liked it and told Fred to add it to the list to play on the show.
Howard had a new prank call that Crackhead Bob made to a cab company. Bob tried to get a cab to take him on a trip but the guy couldn't understand what he was saying. He would hang up on Bob each time and called him an asshole at least one time. Bob would say where he wanted to go and where he was but the guy couldn't figure out where he was located.
Howard said that's Bob's life. He had another clip where Blue Iris calls the cab company as his mother and tries to help him out. She offered to suck the guy's cock since she didn't have any money. The guy said that he would rather stick his cock in a meat grinder and hung up on her.
Rev. Bob Levy called in to tell a story about Mike banging a fat chick. He said that this fat chick must have come up to him and told him that he was good on stage. Bob was in the bar later on and saw Mike come in and he thought he was pulling a car into the room. He said she had to have been 300 pounds. Mike said it was either that or go back to his room and jerk off... or carry Bob back up to his room. Howard gave Bob a plug for the Miserable Men Show (Tonight at 7pm on Howard 101) and let him go.
Howard read some mail about the Bob Saget interview from last week. He read through those and also read one about Artie opening up on the show. They saw the episode on Howard TV where Artie ended up crying. Howard asked Artie if he saw it. Artie said he doesn't have Howard TV. Howard said he was watching it and watched the 9/11 episode which got him all riled up again.
A caller told Howard that he was watching Howard TV and saw Artie's movie premiere show. He said he loves Artie on the show but he didn't look happy doing the spots for the In Demand guys. Artie said he's tired by the time they get around to those things so he is miserable. Howard had to go to break after that.
After going through a couple of stories Howard took a call from a guy who told him he was being too hard on Mel Gibson. Howard said he thinks the guy is an asshole because he did that interview with Diane Sawyer and didn't just come out and admit that he hates the Jews. Howard said he doesn't care if the guy hates the Jews, he just thinks he's a pussy for not coming right out and admitting it.
Howard took another call from a guy who was looking for another ticket to Artie's Carnegie Hall show. Artie had given him one a while back but he wanted two and thought that since Sal and Richard were being such dicks today, maybe he should teach them a lesson and take away one of their tickets. Artie let out a sigh and asked if he had the guy's phone number but Howard had already hung up on him.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am after giving Mike Morse another plug.
Howard started off the show saying that he was looking at a picture of Gary at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward's house from last night. Gary was at some fund raiser that they were hosting. Gary said that they had no idea who he was though because he didn't bother telling them that he was from the Stern Show. Gary said that they live in the same congressional district and they support the same guy.
Gary said that his friend had donated some money and got them into this event he went to. Gary said he spoke to Newman and Woodward about their Oscars. They've also won some Emmy Awards and they have them displayed in a bookcase.
Gary said he met Paul first when he walked into a room that was empty other than Paul himself. He said there wasn't all that much security there. He talked to Newman about his flying with balloons on Letterman's show and he was probably wondering why he was asking about that. Howard wondered if he told him he worked for a show where they're planning to fly a midget with balloons. Gary said that didn't come up.
Gary told Howard about some of the movies that Newman has been nominated for Oscars for. Howard said he thought that guy would be one of those guys who doesn't care about winning Oscars and wouldn't display them in his house. They spent a few more minutes talking about the movies that he won the awards for. Gary said they were actually in a barn off the house that they were hanging out in. They weren't in the main house.
Gary said that Newman has a lot of race car stuff in his barn and he was checking out the pictures he had hanging up and there was one pictures signed from Mario Andretti. He felt really out of place there because the other people there sounded much smarter than him. He said they were older and seemed to know more about politics than he'd ever know.
Gary said that Jon Hein handed him a note about how many movies Paul has actually been nominated for and it was 9 movies. Gary also talked about how nice Joanne Woodward was at the party. Howard said that Newman seems to be really cool because he donates money from his food sales to charities.
Gary said his son thought that it was cool that he was at the guy's house whose picture is on the salsa jar they have at home. He said his son doesn't know much about Newman other than his face on food products.
Artie told Gary ''cheer up you retard'' but that just pissed Gary off. Gary told Howard that his agent hasn't been doing much for him lately and he's not sure if he still has one. He doesn't have his phone number so he's unable to get in touch with him. Artie told Gary to go get some retarded Zoloft if he's depressed. Gary was telling Artie to shut up but Artie kept up with the retard comments.
Howard played a call that Gary the Retard and Daniel Carver had about Mel Gibson's comments about the Jews. Gary had no idea what Howard was talking about and didn't seem to remember that conversation. In the call Gary and Daniel spent a short time talking about the Jews as well. Carver says that Howard isn't a real Jew and he only says that to get away with some of the stuff he says on the show. Gary also threw in the N-word a couple of times.
Howard got in a plug for next week's free SIRIUS days and said that he may have to bring Gary the Retard in for those two days. He said that Scott Greenstein was telling him to have some big guests in those days so maybe Gary should be there. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said that Gary isn't depressed, he's just a little sad that he doesn't have his agent now. Gary doesn't know what real depression is.
Howard told the guys that Beth did an interview with Carmen Electra and some other stuff this week. He said she wasn't even working for them last night but she was at that premiere. He had a clip of Beth interviewing Carmen Electra about her break up with Dave Navarro and how she thinks that the two of them have handled their break-up. Howard said she was doing that to get Carmen to talk about her relationship. Carmen said she's not looking for a man but she's open to meeting people. They cut the answer off in the promo clip he had so you have to tune in to hear the rest of it.
Artie talked about seeing Carmen doing an interview on that Later show with some guest host. He said that the host asked her what the one thing is that she can't live without. He said Carmen sat there for about 30 seconds and then said ''Food.'' Artie said the host almost laughed in her face until she realized that Carmen was serious. Artie said it was one of the greatest moments on late night TV he's ever seen.
Howard played a little more of the Carmen and Beth interview and said that he's showered with both of them. Artie asked Howard if he's banged both of them. Howard said that was a good question but then said that he didn't bang Carmen at all. He joked that she had given him oral three times and that's why he didn't bang her. He said it just didn't happen that day.
Artie had to tell Richard that he thinks that he's very talented and he was just having some fun goofing around that day. Howard came out of the clip and said that Artie hit it right on the head when he told Richard that he's not that great of a comic, he's just doing it to have some fun and make some money. He shouldn't be looking up to him as his ''comedy father'' like he seems to be doing. Artie was also telling Richard that he's very far ahead in his stand-up career compared to where he was at the same time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the replays of the shows are great because he works overnights as a cop in Woodbridge. He said he was trying to listen to Whoopi Goldberg's show on his way home this morning and that show is awful. He listens to that on his way home and saves Howard's show for when he's at work.
Howard said that he listens to the show when he's driving around in the car after the show and he thinks that this guy could listen to the show twice a day and still get laughs.
Robin said that she read that Whoopi is being called the female David Lee Roth on radio. That wasn't a compliment and she may be failing just as bad as Roth did earlier this year. Howard went on to talk about terrestrial radio and how bad things have gotten there. He said that there's a Hispanic station that's number one in New York City now.
The caller asked Howard what the deal is with the penny preview of Howard TV. Howard told him he thinks that it's a 2 hour show that previews what they've been up to for the past 10 months. He said the free SIRIUS thing is coming up next week as well and some people think that's a great idea to get people interested in the service.
The caller asked Howard about playing a game but Howard said he had way too many question and ended up letting him go. Gary came in and told Howard about how bad their old Chicago station is doing since they left. Howard read the article and found that the whole station has been dragged down since Howard left. Even the Steve Dahl show has dropped down quite a bit since then.
Howard said that Steve Dahl bad mouthed him after he left and now he thinks that shows how bad the guy is. He said he almost hired Steve's son to do a show on his channel to dick with him. He said he was holding Steve's ratings up while he was on that station and the guy should be a little nicer to him. He said he doesn't even know the guy that well so he can't bad mouth him. Robin said that guy has loved and hated Howard on and off for a long time so there's no telling what his real feelings are.
Howard said his goal now is to bring more people to satellite radio. He said they're up to 5.1 million people and it will keep growing and growing. He predicts that there will be 30 million people listening to satellite radio by 2010. Robin said that's too late so Howard changed it to next Tuesday... or tomorrow.
Richard said that he gets nothing out of the contest if he has to make up with Bubba. Richard said he did say he would do it but he's thought about it since then and now he doesn't want to do it. He said that's way brutal and there's no reason for him to make out with Bubba. He suggested that they have him make out with a gay guy. Howard suggested Siobahn and Richard thought that was good.
Howard told Richard to go back to his office and just think about how he has to go through with this. Richard wanted to be able to feel Robin up while Bubba makes out with her if he wins the race. Robin told him to get out of his life and then offered to give him some money instead. Richard said he'd take that.
The race hasn't been finalized yet so they don't know how many laps it will be or even where it will be held. Robin said that she's got more training to do down in Florida. She said that Bubba is hooking her up with someone down there in Lakeland.
Robin got back to the story about how the other race car drive knew about her race. Howard talked about how great it has been there at SIRIUS and how awful it was back at terrestrial radio. He said they're building a whole new life there at satellite radio and it seems to be working out very well so far. He said he could have done another 5 years there at terrestrial and stayed number one but he wanted to do something new. He managed to survive through all of the FCC fines and stuff like that.
Howard said Walt Sabo told him that he walked through the back office yesterday and said that it was like a little comedy factory with everyone working.
Janks asked Howard if he will throw a funeral for XM once SIRIUS beats them with the number of subscribers. Howard said he will absolutely do that. They talked about how many people they could burn in effigy at an event like that. Opie and Anthony, Oprah and more. Howard talked about Oprah for a short time and how whenever she does things like sign on with XM, it's a complete rip off. She does a half hour a week herself and gives the rest of her channel to her friends that no one cares about. He said that they paid Oprah $50 million to do that.
Howard said he would never take money for a project that he knew would piss his fans off. He said he wouldn't want to be associated with a project that was bogus like that Oprah deal is.
Howard said that the deal with Paramount putting out a 10th anniversary DVD was one of those projects that he didn't want to be involved with. He said he didn't want to put something out that his fans have already paid for. He got a lot of e-mail feedback about the deal after he mentioned it yesterday. He read some of the mail and the fans really want the DVD to be released. He said he may have to go back and think about it again but he believes it's time to move forward and not screw around with something like that.
Robin said it would be great to see some of the scenes from the movie that were cut out. She said the scenes of Howard coming out of the bathtub multiple times with his underwear being covered up would be funny. Howard said that it would require a lot of work to put together something like that and he's not sure that they'd let him do it the right way.
Howard said he wanted Paramount to do it right the first time but they didn't want to do it back then. He said that he even wanted to buy the rights to the movie so he could put it out on DVD himself. They didn't want to sell it to him though. They just released the movie as it was with no extras.
Ronnie said he blew one of his out in the garage bathroom one day. He brought it into the studio and it looked like a pistachio nut. He said he blew that one out and it didn't come all the way out so he had to pull it out. He said he laid in the back of the limo like a baby after that because he felt like he had just given birth.
Ronnie said he didn't know what the pain was when he got it. He said he went to the hospital and got shot up with demerol and that didn't even make it go away. He said that they eventually put him on an IV of demerol and that made the pain go away but he was picking dust off the ceiling because he was so screwed up.
Artie said that they should have drugs like that on airplanes because people wouldn't care if they were about to crash. Gary came in and said that he had one kidney stone, not many like Ronnie was talking about. Gary said he went to the hospital at 1 in the morning because he was in so much pain. He had to pee in a strainer to see what he was passing but it turned out that it was so small that it didn't get stuck in the strainer... So the pain from that couldn't have been as bad as what Ronnie went through.
Ronnie said that if you can't pass that thing, they have to go in and pull it out. Ronnie said that there's a possibility that they can damage your penis when they do that. Artie said he once had a catheter put in but he was on drugs at the time. He said that even that didn't make the pain go away though because he could feel that thing going in.
Howard said he knew a guy who was passing stones like once a week and he felt really bad for him. Gary said that he was debilitated by the pain of this tiny stone he was passing. Bobo said that he has to last through Thursday because he's not going in until then. Bobo said he drinks a lot of tea and that can cause them.
Bobo said that he's 53 years old and has a young child now. He's got a son that's 28 and one that's just an infant. Howard said he can't imagine going through that kind of crap again. He said poor Bobo has the kid and kidney stones which is awful.
Gary wanted to tell another story about a catheter but Howard didn't want to hear it. Howard asked Fred to play Dan the Song Parody Man's latest song parody about Gary. Fred played it and Gary said he loves it. Howard said that Dan just sent it to him this morning. It was to the tune of Cream's ''I Feel Free.''
Howard told Fred to play another new one he got. It was to the tune of a Led Zeppelin song, ''Babe I'm Gonna Leave You.'' Howard said he'd like to get the real Robert Plant to perform that song for them. Howard said he stares at Gary the whole time the song is playing. Gary said that's another one of his favorite songs so he likes the Baba Booey versions.
Howard said it would be great to have a whole concert of people performing their Baba Booey song parodies. They're actually going to have a small one happen at the Gary Roast next week. Artie said that everyone should have to go through a roast because you learn a lot about yourself. Gary said that Sal has come to him and run some jokes past him. He's had to tell Sal not to use some of them because he might get killed if he used some of the jokes.
Artie said that he's told Sal not to use some jokes about Howard. Howard told Artie not to censor Sal because he wants to hear his inappropriate stuff. He wondered what joke Artie told him not to say. Bobo asked if he could get in on the roast but they were all booked up so he couldn't get in.
Howard played that clip and then played some other sports team managers getting pissed off during press conferences. He played one of Tommy Lasorta getting pissed at one guy and going off on him. Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a guy using clips of Tommy from that press conference. They had Tommy yelling at the guy on the phone and the guy had no idea what was going on.
Howard had another Tommy Lasorta clip where he went off on a reporter after he was asked what he thought of one of the player's performances. Tommy said he didn't mean to get mad but couldn't get over the fact that he was asked about it.
Howard had another clip of a manager going off on the fans who were booing his team while they were losing the game. He cursed the fans out and saying that they don't have jobs so that's why they were there at the game. Artie was laughing his ass off as they were listening to that clip. He thought it was funny when the guy said that 85 percent of the world works and the other 15 percent are at the games. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard was in the middle of a commercial so he had to wrap that up. He came back a short time later and got in a plug for Jackie the Joke Man's ''Jackie's Joke Hunt'' show that airs tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. He said that Jackie will be telling the story about how he got his 516-922-WINE joke line started and stuff like that.
Lisa G asked Howard why he doesn't visit the Howard 100 News team. He told her that he doesn't visit anyone and he doesn't want to visit them there. He knows they're doing a good job and he doesn't need to go over there. He said that he thinks that people there are interchangeable.
Lisa G said that tomorrow is the day for Artie and Blue Iris to do their big kiss. Artie wasn't aware of that so it was a big surprise for him. Howard told Artie he should just put his penis inside of her and surprise everyone. Shuli will be looking into that a little more for the news. Chris Kanyon will be coming in to see it happen since he was the one who made the bet with Artie.
Sal came in and asked if they could have Artie's mother and sister come in to witness his make out. Howard told Sal not to use the bathroom there in the offices anymore and then offered Artie the chance to forget about Blue Iris and make out with his mother instead. Artie passed and took Blue Iris.
Lisa G said they'll be talking about Riley Martin's return to Howard 101 in one news report today. Howard did his Riley impression a little bit and played some of the song parodies they've created using his audio clips. After that Howard asked Lisa if it was true that she has a new web site (LisaG.com). She said it's new and improved and she's got a blog going now as well. Howard checked out some of that and found out that she worked with a Stern Fan who helped her create what's there.
Howard asked Lisa why she has a web site, he's not sure why she would need one. Lisa said that it's a good way to keep in touch with the fans. She said she used to get millions of hits even before she started there. She was telling Howard to check out some parts of her site but it had crashed by that point.
Lisa said that she does some entertainment marketing work as well so that's another reason for her web site. Howard let her go a short time later. He congratulated her on the new site before moving on.
Howard said that Mark warned them that they might go nuts when they hear the stuff he has to say about them and he wanted them to sign releases before he would come on the air. Howard said that they'd probably be proud of being a narcissist if it came out like that.
Howard told Mark to forget about the explanation and just tell them who the biggest narcissist is. Mark told Howard that it's Robin. She had a score of 34 on his test that they sent to them. He said that the average is 15 or so. Mark said that the average for celebrities is about 17.8 and for female celebrities it's around 19. Mark said that the test is broken down into a bunch of components to figure out where they stand. He said that she scores an 8 out of 8 as far as authority and high scores in other sections where they test people about their superiority and other things.
Mark said that it doesn't mean that Robin is a bad person. He said that being in a relationship with her might be kind of shaky though.
Mark gave a rundown of what the other scores were with the people on the show. Here's how they ranked...
Ralph called in and said that what makes it worse for Robin is that the questions were very obviously leading her to where she ended up. He said that some of the questions were like ''Do you think that the world would be a better place if you ruled it.'' Robin said that she didn't answer that with a 'yes.'
Fred was reading the definition of narcissist and a lot of the stuff in the definition related to Robin. She was very upset that she had won that spot on the show. The definition said that a narcissist is someone who envy's other people's positions so that was about right with her reaction to coming out in first place and complaining about it.
Howard said that it sounded like the professor was going to fall off his chair when he read Robin's results. Howard joked that God only scored a 28 on that test. Ralph was laughing at her and Howard said that he loves her but she does exhibit some narcissistic tendencies. He said that they're going to be replaying one of the old shows on Mastertape Theatre where Robin went off on him for not getting her a good enough birthday gift. He said he was listening to the tape himself and yelling at the radio as if he had gone back to that moment. He said that's going to make for a great Mastertape Theatre.
Howard said he thinks that he's a much better person thanks to his 9 years of therapy. He said he's way happier thanks to that therapy.
Robin read some of the questions that was on the test that they filled out for the narcissist segment. Howard gave her answers that she didn't think were honest. Howard said that was the way he felt about them and that's how he answered.
Robin said she thinks that they took her test and answered it for her. Howard took a call from a guy who asked what all of this means. Howard said it just means that Robin is disconnected and doesn't care about anyone else. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that this isn't a bad thing because she doesn't have any kids so thinking about herself isn't all that bad.
Mariann got in a plug for an appearance she's making at 90 Fulton Street where she will be promoting his show. Howard took another call after that from a guy who asked Artie if he would get a hand job from Blue Iris. Artie said he might fist her instead.
The caller asked Howard about his 9 years of therapy and if that could possibly be true. Howard said he started it after his movie and before his divorce so it was about 9 years ago. He's going 3 days a week which is down from 4 days. He said it's tough to talk about himself so much but that's what he has to do. The caller figures Howard has set the guy up for retirement after going that long. Howard said the guy is very successful and he's doing fine without him.
The caller figures that Howard thinks of himself as the best radio guy out there but Howard insists that he doesn't really feel that way. He's happy that people do respond to his show and like it. He also said that now that he gets to listen to the replays of the show the rest of the day, he does see his greatness.
Another caller told Howard he feels bad for Howard having to work with such a big narcissist. He also said that the Mastertape Theatre thing is the greatest thing they've brought to SIRIUS since they moved there. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to talk about what a load Katie Couric is. He said that she was interviewing someone on the news last night and talking about how she couldn't imagine Bob Dylan songs being covered by anyone but Bob Dylan. Artie laughed and said that Dylan is the most covered artist out there. Howard went on to talk about how Katie Couric is kind of working out okay for CBS because she has raised their ratings a bit. They're not as low in the ratings as they were before she came on so it will work out for them in the long run.
The caller was talking about all of the lame stuff they do on the news these days to try and make it more entertaining. Howard said that the evening news is antiquated and they have to do what they can to keep people interested. He said that people can get their news on the web if they want, they don't have to sit around waiting for the evening news to come on. Every evening news report is the same, they take breaks at the same time, they cover the same stuff and it's just not good.
Howard said that they would have to reinvent the whole format to make it something new. They would have to hire someone like Howard to do it to make it different.
Howard said that terrestrial radio is at it's end and he's not just being dramatic there. He said that FM and satellite are like the difference between AM and FM. He said that no one on terrestrial can say a fucking thing anymore because they're so afraid of being fined. He said it's all bullshit and edited because they're treating people like children.
Howard said they're talking about this High Definition radio where stations will be able to broadcast multiple stations through one frequency but they don't even have the ability to program just one station. Melrose got off the phone after telling Howard how much he loves him. Howard said that he's such an ass kiss...
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered why he was trying to sell them satellite radio because they already have it. Howard said he wasn't trying to sell it to him, he was just talking about how great it is that they're working at a place that is so ground breaking. He said he remembers back in the day when people moved from AM radio stations to FM stations and what a big deal that was.
The caller told Howard he was just busting his balls so he can calm down. He also asked Howard what he would be willing to do if they do reach their 6 million subscribers by the end of the year. Robin was pretty sure they never agreed to do anything.
Artie's fly was open and Howard told him his cock was sticking out. Artie said that he has 3 pairs of pants that fit him and they're all dirty so he wore these things today. He said the Mexican chick is coming over to clean his clothes today.
Artie was trying to figure out how to close up his fly. Robin told him he looks insane today. Ralph called in and asked them to take pictures of Artie in his pajamas and put it up on the web site. Ralph said that he may not leave his house but at least he puts on his pants.
Jason came in to take some pictures of Artie's pajama bottoms. Ralph asked him how many pair of pants he has. Artie said he's got 2 pair of jeans that fit and one set of cargo pants. He told Ralph that maybe he could go shopping for him and pick out some more stuff. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said he had to get to Chris Kattan because he wanted to help out his girlfriend in some online thing. Howard mentioned this contest they have going on where they're asking fans to send in some funny porn clips that they find in various movies. He said the $5,000 in money for the winner is courtesy of the web site Clips4Sale.com. He played a clip that he found to be pretty funny and entertaining.
Howard played an audio clip from The Orange Bowl where a riot broke out and one of the hosts on the show was talking about how some people deserved to get their behind's kicked. That guy ended up getting fired over his comments.
Ronnie came in and said that Sal has been defying Howard's rules for a long time now and it's got to stop. Howard told him he's not to use the bathroom for any reason out in the office area. The bathroom is right outside of the Howard TV guys and they have to put up with the stink when someone shits in there. They've apparently complained about Robin but Robin said she's never crapped in there, she's only peed. Artie said he's only taken one shit in that bathroom but he got very comfortable when he did.
Gary said that he lets celebrities shit in there if they have to go. Sam Simon is one of those guys. Sam was there and Howard didn't even know it so he asked him to come in and sit down. He told Sam that he's very excited about the Bitter Half Show that will be played for the first time next Wednesday, October 25th.
Howard noticed that Sam had a black eye. Sam said he got bumped in the eye by his dog. Howard said it looked like Sam had lost some weight. Sam asked Artie not to kill himself before The Bitter Half airs. He said that would screw things up. Howard let Sam go so he could talk to Chris Kattan.
Chris' girlfriend Sunshine Tutt is in the final four of this FHM magazine hottest chick contest and he needs the fans to go and vote for her. Howard showed the guys some pictures of her and talked about how hot she was.
Howard said that Beth is supposed to be in FHM next month and she has no problem showing her ass to the photographers. He said that she won't show him her ass but she'll pose for pictures no problem.
Howard told Chris that they had Andy Dick on the show the other day and he's still got a hard on about him. He said he had to play this song that Andy sang about Chris on the show back when they were on K-Rock. Chris didn't want to hear it but Howard played it anyway.
Howard said he thought it was funny that Andy was so mad at Chris. Chris said that Andy sang about him having sisters but he doesn't have any. He also doesn't wear a toupee like he sang in his song.
Chris changed subjects and told a story about going to Cabo for a bachelor party down there. He said he ran into Chris O'Donnell at the airport and he was wondering what had happened to him since he was in Batman. He said hello to the guy like all celebrities do. O'Donnell's wife sat next to him on the flight while Chris sat about 2 rows in front of him. He said he fell asleep and when he woke up a couple of hours later he noticed that O'Donnell was staring at him. Then he looked over and saw his wife turned away trying to eat a salad. Then he noticed that he had an erection. He said he doesn't know how long he had it.
Chris said that O'Donnell wouldn't talk to him after they got off the flight. Artie said that Chris O'Donnell and his wife are really nice but his wife is very proper and upscale so that makes the story even funnier. He said that Chris sitting there with a hard on is great.
Ralph called in and said that Chris' girlfriend isn't as hot as one of the other chicks on the FHM web site. Howard told Ralph that he's a guest on the show and they have to give her the votes.
Joey Boots called in and said that Chris isn't supporting the show at all, he's just using the show. He went off on the guy and said that he's got no business calling into the show and complaining that he was waiting on the phone for 8 years. Joey said that he would let him off the hook if he put Sunshine on the phone and gave him phone sex.
Sunshine got on the line after Chris asked her to. Joey asked her what she could do for him and asked her what she was wearing. She said she was wearing baby blue panties... She said this was too early in the morning for her. Joey told her that if she wants the votes, she's got to do this for them. She didn't want to go through with this whole thing. Chris got back on the phone and said that she might just give them a little orgasm sound.
Boots said that he was actually touching himself and people could see him at BootsTracker.com if they wanted to see it. Joey was asking her to tell him what she would do to his balls. She didn't want anything to do with his balls. Chris got back on again and said he was sorry about that. Howard wrapped up with him after that and gave Sunshine another plug and let Chris go.
Howard had a prank call that Benjy made to this reporter Lynn Stewart who was possibly going away for 30 years for something she had done. Benjy told her that he followed her case and knows she's overweight but he'd like to lick her pussy. Lynn laughed her ass off after hearing that and seemed to take it pretty well. She said that helped break the tension.
Howard heard that JD was offering to open Artie's mail for $200 a week. Artie said that the guy is much more involved than that in his stuff.
Riley said that they're doing some video shooting over there at his house for a Howard TV special. Gary came in and said that Riley claims he doesn't drink but the guys who were over there saw that he had empty cases of beer all over the house.
Riley thinks that his show is helping to make the SIRIUS stock rise up by bringing his show back to the service. Riley still seems to have a problem with the amount of money he's being paid. He always complains about how Howard is making $550 million while he's not making enough to pay a guy to clean his windshield. Howard asked him why he was complaining and why he came back if he's not happy. Riley claims he wasn't complaining, he was just pointing out the facts.
Howard had Richie Wilson from Howard TV on the phone. Richie said that Riley was hugging him outside of his house yesterday telling him he loves him. Riley seemed to be a little upset about that and called Richie a motherfucker. Richie said that Riley was telling his wife to ''Get him a brewsky'' but Riley said he didn't do it all that many times.
Riley said that what Richie has done is besmirch his house after he tried to show him some love. He was giving them a lot of ''Uhhh'' as he was telling them what he thinks. Gary came in and said that Riley met his wife through the show somehow and she's pretty hot according to Richie.
Gary asked Riley how he met his wife. Riley said that his women do not age once he has touched them. He wouldn't answer how he met his wife though. Richie said that Riley was really loaded when he was hugging him and he was trying to get some help from Jim McClure but Jim just picked up the camera and started shooting him getting dry humped.
Jim came in and told Howard that Riley's wife is really hot but she's also really into Riley. He said that she was drawn to him from the day she heard him on the show back in 1996. She tracked him down and now she's his wife. Howard said Riley never told him that he met her through his show. Riley told Howard that he's met her before and he was just too busy to realize it.
Fred played some of the Riley Martin song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man has created. Howard asked Riley if his wife believes in all of this stuff that he talks about. Riley said that if Howard could read, he would know that this stuff is true as well.
Jim told Howard that one of the guys noticed that there was a picture of Riley's wife in a modeling picture. She used to be a model which surprised some of the guys. Riley was upset with Richie for talking about all of this stuff the way they were. He was upset that they were talking about him being a drunk and stuff like that. Howard said that they were just saying he had a few drinks and that was it. They weren't calling him a drunk.
Riley was also upset with Richie talking about how he hugged him too close. Jim said it really was a little too close. Riley thought Richie was saying that it appeared that he was trying to fuck him. He said he will never show him love again if that's the case. Riley told everyone that they were all quite reprehensible and this is all fun but, nonetheless, he said that they weren't going to be saved when the mother ship comes to take them.
Howard had someone playing clips of Crazy Alice trying to create something between Riley and Alice but Riley wasn't falling for it. He ignored the Crazy Alice audio clips and went off on Howard for that. Howard asked him to do a great couple of shows for them on the 25th and 26th when they have the free preview going on.
Riley was still upset that those guys came over to his house and disrespected him by coming on the air and saying what they said. Howard told Riley that he's glad to have him back with them and wanted to let him go. Riley said that ''Richie Rich'' broke his fucking heart by talking about him the way he was. Howard said that Richie was just saying that he hugged him a little too close. Howard let Riley go after that and went to commercial break.
Artie came in, with his pajama bottoms on, and said he was up late last night. He said Sam was looking at him telling him he's a mess. He said that when he starts not wearing clothes, that's trouble. Artie said he also heard from Teddy who was upset about him revealing his salary. He said people were giving him shit back there about how much he's making.
Howard spent a short time talking about this Madonna thing that's in the news. He said that she's trying to adopt this kid from Malawi and everyone is giving her a hard time about it. The kid just hit the lottery and they should leave them alone. The kid is really cute according to the guys. Howard said that the kid was stuck in an orphanage and Madonna came in and swooped him away to a great life.
Howard said that the kid's face is really cute and Lourdes had better watch her ass because he's going to end up with some of the Madonna inheritance. He read an article about the adoption and how upset people are down there in the African country.
Howard read that the kid left the country with 3 bodyguards and a nanny... in a private plane. Artie said that he'll probably end up dating Suri Cruise in 19 years or so. Artie said he'd like to be adopted by Madonna at the age of 39.
Howard said this kid's life is going to be amazing and these child advocacy groups are out of their minds. He read that the father of the child doesn't mind as long as the kid receives a good education and visits him. That all led to Howard playing a prank call that Evil David Letterman made to an adoption agency. He was asking about a light skinned black child and wondered if they're less rambunctious than the darker ones. He also asked if he would be insured just in case things go missing from his house and if they play basketball yet.
Howard said that President Bush is saying that if the North Koreans set off another nuclear test, there going to be sorry. Howard said that we don't have any credibility anymore since the whole Iraq thing. He and Robin spent some time on that before Steve and Jon came in with their show updates.
Steve got to his Howard 100 News preview and brought up a story they have about the free preview of the show they're going to have next week. You can find out more about that at SIRIUS.com/Howard.
Steve also said that they'll be talking about Artie and Blue Iris having to make out on the show tomorrow. Artie wondered if he could get his assistant to make out with her instead. Howard told Artie he's stuck with it and he's not sure why he made this bet to begin with. Artie wasn't sure why he did that but he was trying to help out Chris Kanyon who wanted to come back on the show.
Artie said that he might just down two shots of booze before he has to kiss her. He said two shots will get him wasted enough to fuck anything. Artie blamed the Yankees for all of this because the bet was between the Mets and Yankees. He said it was very aggravating to him that the Yankees lost in the first round. He gets more and more pissed off the more he thinks about that. Artie wasn't willing to give up on the Yankees and become a Mets fan to avoid kissing Blue Iris.
Steve said that they'll be doing a report about the visit they made to Riley Martin's home yesterday. Steve said that he's got a shrunken alien head on his front porch. He also mentioned that Beth Ostrosky is making a film starring Bianca (the dog) for the North Shore Animal League DogCatemy Awards. Artie suggested that she do a ''Pretty Woman'' remake with Steve Langford as Richard Gere's character. Howard said he'd like to see Artie and Blue Iris do a ''Pretty Woman'' remake with Artie as Richard Gere.
Steve got in a plug for Jackie's Joke Hunt which is on Howard 101 tonight at 7pm. Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. They'll be talking to Robin about her 34 score in the Narcissist thing. They'll also be talking about Chris Kattan's call to the show and stuff like that.
Ralph called in and asked Artie why he cares so much about the Yankees because if they didn't serve hot dogs there, he wouldn't even go. Artie said he's a big Yankee fan and that's what he likes to do. He also said that he likes to leave the house once in a while. Ralph said that everything Artie does is about eating. Howard said that's true because he's always eating in the studio as well.
A caller told Howard that this whole show is great because they have Robin with a 34 score in his narcissist test and Artie running around with pajama bottoms on. Howard reminded the guy that there are pictures of Artie in his pajamas up on HowardStern.com. He let the guy go and had Robin start her news after that.
Howard took a call during the news from a guy who suggested that they let Artie get a Red Sox tattoo on the air instead of kissing Blue Iris. Artie said that he loves the people up in Boston but he would have to pass on the tattoo and make out with Blue Iris. Artie didn't like the idea of a tattoo because it lasts forever. The caller also told Artie that Hep C lasts forever as well. Artie said he had a good point there but they'll be looking over Blue's tests tomorrow when she comes in.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he called in a few months ago and offered to help Artie get the web site ArtieLange.com for him since he's using Artie-Lange.com. He said he hasn't heard from Artie since then. Artie said he's not even wearing pants today. He said he'd have his assistant Teddy get in touch with him.
Captain Janks called in and said that he tried pranking Whoopi Goldberg's show this morning but he only got her off the air. He asked her if she likes Howard Stern's balls and she went off on him and then hung up. He said she called him back a short time later and told him that she was going to kick his ''honkey ass'' over that. He seemed to find it funny that she called him a honkey.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he stayed up to watch ''Dancing with the Stars'' and this morning he's kind of cranky from staying up so late. Robin told Howard there was a baseball game on. Artie was up watching that game and talked about that for a short time. He said there was one guy, who used to suck when he was on the Yankees, who was doing really well during the game. He said that really pisses him off too.
Artie said that the Mets have a lot of likeable guys on the team but he can't be a fan. He said he thinks that they could sweep the next two games but the Cardinals will be right there. He said the game ran really late last night and he's not sure how kids can stay up and watch that stuff.
Howard talked about ''Dancing with the Stars'' and how that ran for 90 minutes last night. He said that everyone on that show is pretty much a has been. He said that Jerry Springer is just about the only one who is a real star. He said that Joey Lawrence isn't a celebrity anymore and neither is Mario Lopez. Artie said that Emmett Smith is a star in the world of sports. Howard agreed with that. He said he knew who he was before he watched the TV show.
Howard seems to think that Jerry Springer keeps winning because he's got so many fans watching his TV show. The football players and country stars also do well because of their fans.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he watched the new TV show ''Heroes.'' Howard said he really likes that show. He spent a short time talking about that.
JD came in and told Howard about some of the other people on Dancing with the Stars and what shows they're from. Howard said that he watched The Bachelor last night since he had recorded it. He said the show is awful but he's still watching it. Beth fell asleep during Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said Beth seems to be working for that TV show Extra now. She's doing an interview today for them with Tina Fey. Artie said that he hasn't seen that show yet but Alec Baldwin looks hilarious in the clips he's seen. Howard asked Gary if Tina Fey was coming in or not. Gary said they put in a request for her to come in but haven't heard back yet. Fred played one of the newer Baba Booey song parodies and had Howard laughing a little bit.
Howard said that Extra is calling Beth a special correspondent but she seems to be working with them every day. He said she's got a bunch of interviews coming up.
Howard said a lot of weird stuff goes on around that place. He said that Sal almost mooned Congressman Serrano yesterday. He also talked about how Richard and Sal won't listen to the rules about not using the bathroom there in the offices. He said that Richard used it yesterday after they talked to Sal about not using it. Richard said that it was empty at the time so he didn't get the point.
Gary said that Congressman Serrano was there with another congressman yesterday during the Wrap Up Show yesterday when Artie offered Sal $1000 to ''press ham'' on the studio window to the two Congressmen. Everyone yelled at Sal to stop before it happened. Howard said he would have fired Sal if he had mooned the guy. Artie took some of the blame for his $1000 offer but Howard said that Sal should have know better.
Howard said that guy is not someone you mess with. He said that guy is on their side and is trying to get the FCC to keep their hands off of satellite radio so they don't need him mooning anyone.
Gary also talked about how Sal seems to think that he's on a power trip by keeping him from using the bathroom there in the office area. He was getting all pissed off at him during the Wrap Up Show and even after the show was done. Robin said that Sal was asking Gary if he could even use the elevator when they were leaving yesterday.
Howard said that Robin got into it with JD during the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He played some audio from the show where JD and Robin talked about how they don't get along that well these days. JD said that Robin is still upset with him about the comments he made about her Film Festival entry.
Howard said that Sal got some audio of Robin and JD fighting off the air as well. He ran an audio recorder to catch them fighting more after the Wrap Up Show. Robin said she told him that he couldn't tape but he obviously didn't listen. Howard listened to the clip and talked about how crazy that stuff has gotten.
Howard brought up how Artie will be making out with Blue Iris today. Artie said he's looking at it as if he's getting some action today so it's trying to put a good spin on it. Howard played a song parody that Billy Mira did as David Lee Roth singing about Blue Iris called ''I Wanna Bang Grandma.'' Howard also played a Blue Iris prank call that the guys made a while back. They used clips of Blue to call someone who had a heavy southern accent. That person threatened to shoot Blue or chop her head off with a machete.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Artie to ''pucker up bitch!'' He asked when they're going to do the Blue Iris thing. Howard said it should be around 8:30. Jeff said that he's going to call in tomorrow to let them know where he'll be tailgating in Syracuse. Howard thanked him for that and for slowing down his show with that information.
Howard took a call from John Boy who asked about the germ phobia with Blue Iris because she's had so many black cocks going through her mouth. He said he'd rather fuck her than make out with her. Howard said he and Artie talked about that as well. Artie said he's not worried about ''black cock'' it's the cock in general that he's worried about. He said that this guy must be racist.
Someone was upset about them goofing on Buffalo, New York during the show yesterday. Howard said they weren't goofing on them, they were just talking about how cheap the homes are up there.
Howard read some feedback about Artie's breakdown on Howard TV. Artie hasn't been able to watch that stuff because he can't figure out his TV and how to get that stuff on. Robin told him he's like a 60 year old man with that stuff.
Howard read through some mail about Riley Martin. People seem to love him and want him back on the air as soon as possible. One person wrote in about Lisa G's web site and how hot she looks on there. Someone wrote in and said that the don't believe the Narcissist test results because Howard should have come out on top of the list. Other people thought the results were correct and that he just puts on an act making it seem like he's a narcissist when he's really not.
Howard took a call from a guy how asked for a prize but he didn't have any to give away this morning. Howard mentioned that KC is going to call in this morning and talk about how he's willing to record himself banging Miss Howard Stern. Gary told Howard that he wrote it down wrong and they're going to be calling KC to see if he'd be willing to do that. KC didn't offer to do it. Howard went off on him a little bit pretending that it was okay that he'd screwed that up. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody as Sal was running in and putting signs over Gary's head that read ''Dope'' and things like that.
Howard said he was in his limo yesterday when he saw an ad on the side of a bus for one of the Spanish radio shows in the city. He said that he knows that it's just a couple of guys doing the Howard Stern Show in Spanish and getting away with cursing in Spanish. He did an impression of them cursing every other word. Artie said that he's heard that if you did a direct translation transcript it would be rated X. Howard said the FCC is a bunch of fucking assholes because they don't fine them for that stuff.
Howard said that it's racist that the FCC doesn't fine the Spanish speaking shows out there. He spent a couple of minutes doing his impression of them cursing in Spanish and getting away with it. Artie got in on that as well.
Howard read some mail about Artie not knowing the Yankees theme song lyrics while he does know the Mets. Howard played the song and then played a song that came out in the 50s about Mickey Mantle that was actually a hit.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who brought up Jerry Springer's daughter who is blind, deaf in one ear, partially deaf in the other and was born with no holes in the back of her nose.
They spent a minute on that before Melrose said that he thinks that Sal is looking to get himself fired from the show. He said he just does some insane things on there. He said he thinks that Sal is like him and has to do that kind of stuff because he's like a heroin addict. Howard ended up hanging up on Melrose in the middle of that discussion.
Another caller tried to explain why Robin being such a narcissist made sense but his explanation didn't work on Howard. He hung up on him and said he wasn't going to take any phone calls for a while because they were all so bad this morning.
Fred played another old baseball song about Joe DiMaggio. The song was a piece of shit according to Howard. He lasted a short time listening to that before bailing out.
A phone caller congratulated Robin on her 34 score in the narcissist thing yesterday. The guy also congratulated Artie on winning the World Series of Comedy thing on the Raw Dog comedy channel. The guy was also telling Howard that he went to buy a SIRIUS radio at a big chain and they kept trying to sell him an XM radio. He said he got so loud explaining to the snot nosed kid that he wanted to hear Howard Stern. They kicked him out of Best Buy so he went across the road to Circuit City and bought the radio there instead. He said the kid kept telling him there was no difference between XM and SIRIUS so he had to get out of there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he knows that Chris Kanyon is coming in today and he wants to know what his thoughts are on this homosexual sex scandal that's going on in the WWE are. Howard had to bail out on his call as well because he was just going on and on and on. He told Robin he wasn't going to take anymore calls for a while.
Artie said he saw a story in the paper about Eddie Murphy dating Scary Spice and she's pregnant already. Howard said he doesn't know what's up with that guy and why he would knock someone up like that. Eddie already has like 5 kids and Scary Spice has at least one of her own already as well.
Artie said he was in Eddie Murphy's house ''Bubble Hill'' one time. He said his sister got picked out of a crowd in a dance club and gave her his card trying to give her a dancing job. Artie said she was actually in a couple of dance videos back then. He said he thinks the guy just wanted to fuck her but he told her to call him anyway. The guy told her that his studio was in Eddie Murphy's house and she could come up and check it out to see that it was legit.
Artie said he wanted to go with his sister but they didn't have a decent car to drive. Artie called a guy he knew who knew another guy with a Mercedes and drove up there. He said he got the cold shoulder and they kept him upstairs while his sister got to go down to check out the studio. He said he figured they wanted to put the moves on his sister but he wanted to stand by the top of the stairs.
Artie was checking out the house and saw a baby Grand piano next to an indoor pool. He saw some celebrity photos on the wall and things like that. Artie was only 19 years old at the time and thought all of that crap was cool as hell.
Artie said he remembered seeing a dance floor near the pool and completely forgot that his sister was downstairs. His sister came back up and they headed out of there. He said before they went over there he asked for directions to the place and one guy told him to make a right turn on this road and he'd see the house. It turns out his gate says ''Eddie'' on it with Bubble Hill written on each side of the gate. The guy was right, he couldn't miss it.
Artie said that the guy that his sister was dealing with got really creepy coming on to her so she gave up and stopped dealing with him. The guy was some music producer that worked over at Eddie's house, he's not even sure exactly who he was.
Artie said his sister is pretty hip but she didn't know that the guy just wanted to fuck her. Artie said it was cool as hell to be able to walk around Eddie's house for 20 minutes even though Eddie wasn't there. Howard said he tries to explain to Beth that guys just want to fuck her. He said she doesn't get that her male ''friends'' just hung out with her hoping to get laid. Howard said that guys just don't want to be friends with woman, they want to fuck them. He said he's never had female friends, he's hung out with chicks that he'd like to fuck.
Howard has tried to explain all of that to his daughters but they still think that guys want to be their friends. Artie said that his sister told him that there were some other girls in the studio when she was checking out that studio.
Howard took a call from a guy who calls himself King of all Spics. King wanted to explain to Howard some of the Spanish radio show stuff. He said they can get away with the cursing in Spanish because of the way they say it. The guy said he loves the show and said a few nice words to the guys on the show. He said that he wanted to call into Jackie's show to give him a joke but he thinks that he keeps the phone off the hook. The guy wanted to give it to Howard but he forgot the joke as he was about to tell it. He made a joke about Jackie but it wasn't funny so it was yet another bad phone call. Howard went to break right after that.
Lisa G said that Richard Christy did an interview with About.com and was asked if he would like to do a show of his own there at SIRIUS. Howard said he's not interested in Richard doing a show there and he doesn't want him hosting a show on Octane. He's got enough work to do there. Lisa wrapped up and wished Artie luck with Blue Iris.
Howard said that Wesley's tax preparer in Ohio has lost his license because of all of this. Howard went through the whole article and read some of the funnier parts of it. Robin said that he could do some serious time in jail over that.
Howard saw a picture of Sheryl Crowe in the paper on stage in a bikini with John Mayer. He said you don't expect that from her but she looks really good. He read another article about Madonna's adoption of a child from Malawi. He said that the writer was upset with Madonna not having to go through the full process for adoption. Howard said he thinks it's great because the kid is going to have a great life now. The author was also upset that Madonna had ''ripped the baby away from it's father.'' Howard said the kid was in an orphanage, not with his father.
The guys talked about how they've never seen such a campaign against someone who is trying to make a child's life better.
KC said he's got a girlfriend right now but he thinks he'd be able to do it because it would be for the show. He said he'd have one stipulation though, he'd have to be able to stick it in her pooper. Howard told him it's up to him how he does it. Howard told KC he just wants to hear those two banging and he doesn't have to come up with a scene or anything like that.
Howard told KC that JD did a porn star recently but he wouldn't record it for them. KC sounded happy that JD had finally gotten laid but he figured his load must have been huge. KC told the guys about a scene in the movie ''The Bad Lieutenant'' that was really funny that they should pull for the show.
Howard told KC that they'll call Miss Howard Stern and asked her if she's up for this. KC said he's afraid that he might slip and call her Eddie though.
Howard gave KC a plug for Amp'd Mobile because he's got a show on there. You can check that out at Get.Ampd.com. He's also looking for chicks to be Miss Beverly Hills Choppers and you can contact him at BookKC@aol.com. Gary told Howard that he's also selling computers. KC said that he's been modifying computers and making them better so that's what he does. He got in a plug for Son of a Gun Pasta Sauce as well as he was getting off the phone.
Howard said they had Big Foot Mark, Ralph and Uncle Luke (Luther Campbell) coming in to evaluate some girls for Playboy. He said that Artie kissing Blue Iris is also coming up a little later. He felt bad for Artie for having to do that. He went to break after that.
Big Foot Mark was also in so Howard spoke to him for a short time. He found out that Mark loves pussy and he will get it any way he can get it. He said he had a chick up in Vermont and she was fine. He said that she was about 45 years old and he kept her in wine coolers and stuff. He said that he's got about 9 inches and he gave it to her good. He said he gave it to her ''ass backwards'' and he will give it to women any way he can.
Howard didn't know what Mark was talking about with the ass backwards thing. They eventually figured out it was doggy style. Artie said that Big Foot has obviously killed someone. Big Foot said he's never killed anyone and he finds these women wherever he can. He's known this chick for a while and she came on to him after he blew some of that big money he won in the Wack Pack contest.
Gary said they found out that Big Foot has spent all of the $5,000 that he won and he called them looking for $60 to get back home from New York City. Big Foot doesn't even seem to care that he's gone through the five grand already.
Howard introduced Luther Campbell who is also known as Uncle Luke or Uncle Luke Skywalker. Luke told Howard that he's been told he's a pussyologist and he's only 3 steps away from a gynecologist. He said that the best way to fix up a pussy is to soak it in Epsom salts. He said that cleans it out and makes it smell good. Howard talked to him about the girls he used to have working for him and asked if he was a pimp. Luke said pimps take money from their girls while he doesn't do that.
Luke told Howard about what some of his girls used to do during their stage shows. He said that one girl would put a Barbie doll all the way up inside of her and pretend to have a baby on stage. Another girl would put a light bulb inside of her vagina and make it light up. He said he wasn't sure how she did that. Howard read that Luther had some football players come up on stage at one show and they pulled down their pants and got blow jobs one time.
Luther said he got into some trouble on the show the last time he was on. He has to be careful what he says because he's now back under investigation thanks to the last appearance.
Howard asked Luke about the time he wanted to see how many girls he could bang in one night. Luther said he had 12 girls lined up one night and went from room to room just going in and out of the girls without finishing with them. He said that was back in his younger days, he doesn't do that stuff anymore. Artie said the only time he got fucked by 12 girls was when he bet on a WNBA game and lost.
Luke talked about pissing on chicks and how much he enjoys that. He said that he has a whole ritual that he goes through with that. Howard asked Big Foot if he's ever pissed on a girl. Big Foot said that he has done that and stumbled over his story a bit. Artie was goofing on him and saying that he pissed on her in line at a grocery store. Big Foot said he was with a woman who was a little bit dry so he pissed on her to make her wet. Luke said that he's never heard of doing that before.
Luke told Howard some stories about a groupie he used to know who would try to set him up f