|Friday||This Week On E!|
Howard started off the show talking about how they were there live this morning, not in reruns. He was still waiting for his breakfast to show up because the place he was getting it from has closed down. Now they have to find a new place and they have to work out the kinks of getting it there on time. He said that they should be able to get just about anything they want at any time, it's New York City.
Howard said he couldn't remember what he did on Thursday night... He eventually remembered and said he said he went to a surprise birthday party for Kyra Sedgewick and met the great Meryl Streep at the party and talked to her about how she managed to help him out, unknowingly, with his movie ''Private Parts.'' Artie said that he was at White Castle on Thursday night and remembered it better than Howard remembered his night. Howard said that he tried to make his movie in a way he thought would work where he'd do a lot of improvisation but that's not the way things worked out. He thought it was going to be pretty easy but Ivan Reitman had to correct him on that and made him go back to his trailer to straighten things out. The writer of the movie, Lenny Blum, tried to make Howard relax by getting him a ping-pong table. Howard said it was actually Len's way of relaxing, not his. Robin had Howard get to the point and asked him how Meryl Streep helped him with the movie. Howard said that he remembered seeing an interview with Meryl years ago where she talked about how she would have a secret for each character she does and that's what Howard decided to do. He was also talking about the party he was at last week and who was hanging out with Meryl at this table. He said that there were people like Barry Levinson, Natasha Richardson and Liam Nieson sitting there with Meryl. He didn't want to tell the whole story to everyone there but Howard was told to just go over and tell her the story. Howard went over and tried to get her to get up but she was kind of stuck in a corner. Howard said he told the story to Meryl, and everyone else, and then Liam Nieson asked Howard what the secret was that he had about his character. Howard said he froze and didn't have an answer and had to tell them that it wasn't really like that. He ended up walking away all dejected and bummed out because he thought he came off as an dope.
Howard said he also told Natasha Richardson that the new movie she's in, ''Asylum,'' is really good. He said he had a nice time at the party but didn't stick around too long. He also got to say hello to Barry Levinson.
Howard asked Gary to come in so Fred played a couple of new ''Baba Booey'' song parodies as he was coming in. Gary came in and said he didn't notice Howard at the rehearsal but he heard that there were people rolling their eyes at the thought of Howard not really wanting to be part of the wedding. They also didn't believe that he wasn't feeling well that night. Howard heard that the dinner didn't go all that well either. The rehearsal was actually at the restaurant where they had the dinner.
Gary said there was a lot of drinking going on at the wedding over the weekend. He said he was smashed by 5:30 that night. Gary said he was drinking early and his wife had to ask him not to be smashed as he was walking down the aisle. Howard talked about the wedding, which was really nice, and how they had Grand Master Flash doing the Deejaying there. That led to the guys discussing what they must have paid that guy to show up. Artie said he thinks that they had to have spent about $250,000 for the wedding but no one was really sure. Gary said he thinks it was less than that but he didn't know either. Howard said he had to throw Artie out onto the dance floor to get him out there. Gary said that Artie wasn't drinking anything but he looked like he was having a great time there. Howard told him he seemed to be even more fun without the drinking there. Artie spent a lot of time with his girlfriend Dana. He said it was really thought not to drink and said that he wanted to drink pretty bad at one point. He said his alert level was at an 8. The guys said that Dana looked like she was really happy to be there with a sober Artie. She was drinking though. Artie said that he didn't have to make any calls to his shrink that night. He said the wedding was really fun and he realized that he's never been to a Jewish wedding before. Howard told Artie that Ross' wife is a ''new Jew'' because she just converted not too long ago.
Howard talked about how he wanted to see Ross and Melissa get married and there were people standing up in front of him so he couldn't see anything. He asked for people to sit down in front but Beth told him to quiet down and just listen to it if he couldn't see. She thought he was making it about himself. Artie was also talking about the yarmulke that he pulled off a tray that they had there. He wore the thing since it had his name on it and it covered up his bald spot perfectly. Howard didn't wear his. Gary said that they were in the back room and there was a tray of dumplings so he and Howard grabbed one and ate it. They hadn't been cooked yet so Gary had a hard time getting it down but Howard ate about 6 without saying a word. Howard said he can eat anything, cold or hot, and he also figured he was wasted so he'd better sober up. Gary asked Howard why he didn't wear the yarmulke. He said he's not a religious guy and he's not going to be a hypocrite. Gary said he wore his though and he's not Jewish. He just thought that's what they wanted the guys to do there.
Howard asked Gary if he knew how much Grand Master Flash cost Ross. He said that he really didn't know. They ended up playing some of Flash's stuff because Artie thought the guy was someone else. Howard had some fun pretending to be a black DJ introducing the song. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a Jewish wedding and when they picked him up in his chair, they ended up dropping him and screwed up his back. Gary heard that he and Chris Booker were supposed to be the ones who picked up Ross but they didn't know it at the time. Howard and Artie talked about how beautiful Melissa's voice was when she sang an Italian opera at the wedding. Fred played some clips of some Baba Booey opera and Howard said that's what Melissa should have performed. One of the servers from the wedding called in and said that Artie was eating so much that they couldn't keep up with him.
Gary said that Sal the Stockbroker was mad at him because when he asked him if he could show up to the wedding around 11:30 or so, he told him that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Howard said he jokingly asked Sal why he didn't show up that night, he said that Gary told him not to. Howard said he thinks Sal is nuts and doesn't know that he was goofing on him. He had to go to break after that.
Howard talked about a book he's reading right now by Kevin Trudeau called ''Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You To Know About'' and it's really informative. He talked about it for a minute and then Jason came in and told Howard that the guy is a con-artist and has been arrested before. He said he read the first chapter of the book and thought the guy was full of it. Howard said he thought the book was really good and thought the guy had some good points in the book. Howard said he doesn't think the guy is a crackpot at all.
Howard started to get back to the wedding that they went to over the weekend for their friend Ross. Robin said that it was a great wedding and thought it was beautiful. Howard interrupted for a minute and said that they have a few guests coming in today including some Scores girls and illusionist Criss Angel. Howard's father will also be coming in to play a game. Howard played a new ''Jack and Rod Show'' bit that Sal and Richard created. They took a call from a guy and pretended to be a couple of deejays who jerked the guy around by playing some word games. They went to break again after that.
Tom asked Howard to talk about a High Pitch Eric story. Howard had Gary come back in because he knew more about the story. Tom and Gary were both ready to kill him for some reason. Fred played Kidd Chris' new Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Biz Markie's ''You Got What I Need.'' Howard said he likes the Star Wars version that they cut using Gary's son Lucas when he was there visiting the show last week. They found that one and played it for Gary. They got back to the High Pitch thing. He said that he got a call from Jodi the promotions director who called him and asked him if he had given Eric free tickets to a concert. Gary told her that he never did that. She called him back later and said that the Heinekin people were telling her that Eric was threatening to go on the air and bad mouth them if they didn't give him tickets. Gary thought he was done with it when he told Jodi to tell Eric that she had spoken to Gary and he was really pissed. Tom said he heard even more about this over the weekend and ended up calling Eric, telling him to leave everyone alone and to stop calling. He said if he didn't stop calling, he would make his life miserable. Tom went to the concert which was this huge event. He was there from about 1 to 3:30 or so and on his way out, he ran into Double A of all people. Then he was driving home and got a call from someone there who said that Eric had shown up at the event and someone let him in. Someone found out about that and tried to kick him out. He and a friend ended up running off into the crowd and vanished. Tom said that he's gone way over the line because he's taken advantage of so many people. Gary said that he's not retarded either, he knows exactly what he's doing and he's just a scam artist.
A listener called in and said that he was at the concert and saw Eric there so he was going to try and get an autograph. Eric's friend was saying that he wasn't there to sign autographs, he was just there to see the bands. Gary said that's another part of the scam because when Eric gets into those events, he loses interest and doesn't even watch what's going on. Fred played a few bits and prank calls they've done with Eric. In one prank call Eric was asked if he would be willing to do a porn movie with a guy and he agreed to do it. Howard thinks that Eric is retarded but Tom and Gary said that you can't be that retarded to scam people out of dinner and limos like Eric has done.
Joey Boots called in and said that he's been with Eric when he's tried to use Howard's name and he's told him to cut it out. He said that Eric called him yesterday and told him the concert story but left out what Tom was just talking about. He said that both Eric and Irish John go around claiming to be from the Stern Show and pull this stuff all the time. Tom said that it's really not cool and they've been pulling this with people who don't deserve it. That led to them playing yet another bit that Eric was part of where he reenacted a porn scene where he played a woman getting spit on. There was another clip where Eric called Dr. Joyce Brothers and asked what he should do about his High Pitched Voice because people think that he's a homo. Tom said that he's really not a retard, he's just a ''skeeve.'' Howard told Tom that he'll get to the bottom of all of this and get back to him.
Howard was going to put the over/under at $40,000 for the wedding. Gary said that there were probably 120 gifts or so and if everyone gave $500 then the total take was probably $60,000 but not everyone gives gifts. Gary and Artie said he thinks that it will be over $40,000 and Robin was thinking it was under. Howard wanted to get Ross on the phone and find out who was right. He was also going to go with the over but he changed it to under and then back to over again. Gary went to his office and tried to get Ross on the phone. Ross was on the phone a few minutes later. Howard talked to him about his wedding night and how well that went for a short time. Then they got back to the over/under thing and asked Ross how much he got that night. Howard told Ross who was over and who was under. Ross said that there was more coming but at the time, it was under $40,000. Howard said that there must be a lot of people who give just a hundred or two hundred bucks.
Howard asked Ross if he gave the most out of everyone. Ross said that he was the most out of their group but there were family members who gave them more than Howard did. Howard tried to find out how much they paid Grand Master Flash but Ross wasn't talking. Howard said it was probably about seven grand. Fred thought it was about one grand. Artie was thinking that it was more like twenty grand. Ross never said what it was though. Howard complained to Ross about not being able to see them get married because of the way it was set up. Ross said they did it in the round on purpose and he knew that some people might not be able to see. Howard said he saw Ross signing the Jewish wedding agreement and thought that he was basically saying goodbye to half of his Hampton's house, his apartment and half of his income. Gary said that Ross doesn't have a pre-nup either. Ross thinks that it's all going to be good and he doesn't need it. Artie asked him who gets custody of Grand Master Flash if they do get divorced. The guys were also talking about how great Cindy Crawford looked at the wedding. Ross said she gets better looking with age. Gary said he got a tube of Cindy's face cream and in the box is a piece of paper where she says that her mother once told her that at the age of 25 the face you have is the one you were born with but the one you have at 50 is the one you've earned. Howard and Artie talked about checking her out at the wedding and Howard thought that she kept checking him out. He wasn't sure if she was interested in him or if she was disgusted by what she saw. Ross said that she's a fan and wasn't disgusted by him. Howard figured she was thinking about how he looked like Jeff Goldblum in ''The Fly.'' Artie said he saw Howard talking to her at one point and couldn't help but remember what they said about her movie acting debut because they were pretty brutal.
Howard said that this guy Criss Angel had to leave by 8:15 so they had to get him in to do his trick. They had a couple of Scores girls there to be part of this trick and they were pretty drunk already. Gary said that he's never seen the girls so drunk before and one of them said ''Hi Gary you dirty F**k'' when she saw him out in the hall. They went to break before bringing the guy in.
Howard told the girls not to take their tops off yet because the numbers might be under there. Howard tried to calm them down and was about to have Criss do his thing. One of the girls screamed out that the number was on her breasts so Gary told Howard that he was going to tell the girls what they were supposed to do but she yelled at him and said that Lonnie had already told her what to do. Criss was supposed to guess where the number was on their bodies but one of them had already ruined the bit. Criss went on to ask each of the girls to say their name and then had them look at him and guessed one of them correctly. The stripper was so amazed that she cursed and kept yelling. Criss said he really didn't know ahead of time what the number was. Gary said that he write the numbers down himself before Criss even got there. Criss asked all of the girls to visualize the number in their head and then picked Devon as the one who had the other number on her. He guessed that it was actually the number 7. He was right again so Devon pulled down her shirt to show them that he was right.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if Criss could make the girls disappear. Howard thought it was pretty impressive and congratulated Criss on what he had just done. The girls wanted to dance for Howard so they played some ''Shake that Ass'' for them and had them dancing. One of the girls didn't like it so they played some ''There's Some Whores in This House'' instead. They weren't doing much for that song either so Howard wrapped up and gave Criss a plug for his new TV show. He also gave the Scores girls a plug and said that the new Scores Las Vegas is opening soon. Danielle wouldn't stop talking so Howard wasn't able to end the interview. She was demanding to see a trick that she's never seen before. Criss was going to do a trick for her but she was giving him a hard time yelling and screaming. Criss ended up bending a fork for them and Danielle seemed to be impressed with it. Howard ended the interview after that, while the girls were still screaming, and went to break.
Howard moved on to bring in his father Ben who was there to play a game with a fan who was there to try and win $5,000. Artie introduced himself to Ben and Howard pointed out Benjy who was sitting back there with him as well. Howard played some of the old audio of his father talking about the ''green type of tube'' when he was working at a radio station when Howard was a kid. He actually worked at the same station Howard works at but it was called something different back then. It was called WHOM back then. Howard had Ben say hello to the rest of the crew and then said that Ben would be playing for a fan who was there. He had to answer questions about his son and if he won, the woman would win the five grand.
Howard introduced Rhonda who was there to play the game. He read that she was raised her grandparents because her mother was in prison for passing bad checks. She also went to prison for hiding a dead body, which was her husband at the time, who was killed by her 18 year old boyfriend. Rhonda was trying to tell the story but she was so nervous that she was having trouble remembering the story. She said something about the boyfriend beating the husband over the head with a baseball bat. The guy and Rhonda's mother wrapped the body up and brought it to the parking lot of a Burger King. Howard read that Rhonda was beaten up by a family member and her family life was just horrible. Right now she's broke and needs the money to play back her daughter's college fund because she's been borrowing from that.
Howard told his father that he was under a lot of pressure to win this game. He had two ways to play the game, one was a little easier because he was going to have Rhonda guess if Ben was going to be able to answer correctly or not. The other way was to ask Ben 10 questions and he'd have to answer a certain number correctly. Ben thought it would be best if she guessed at how he was going to answer. Howard gave Ben a test question about what year Howard graduated high school. Ben said that it was in 1971 but Howard said it was actually 1972. Ben thought about it and Howard turned out to be correct when he said it was 1972. Howard asked his father another question and asked him to name one teacher he had in school. Ben didn't know any names. That was another test question so Rhonda didn't win or lose a point on that one.
Howard got to the real game and asked his father the questions. There were 9 left and Rhonda had to match 5 of the 9. Here are some of the questions and the outcome...
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Ben that it was an honor to have Ben there because he's got magical sperm. He had a song parody about it but Howard told him to get out after playing about 2 seconds of the song. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard's parents how great their son is and then asked Ben what subject in school he demanded Howard take to make sure he had a career. Ben remembered having Howard do some work on stage but Mariann said the actual class was Typing because anyone could get a job if they knew how to type. Ben also suggested that Howard take piano lessons but the teacher ended up committing suicide.
Howard brought up his father's penis size and asked his mother if she compared his to his father's. She jokingly said they compared them every day. Howard told Rhonda about her win again and said that the prize money was courtesy of ''Ultimate Fighter 2'' which airs on SpikeTV at 11:05pm tonight. Rhonda said that her father wouldn't have known any answers about her and Robin laughed her ass off because Ben only knew two questions more than Rhonda's father would have. Howard let Rhonda go after that and spent a couple more minutes with his parents. He asked Ben what he had on his note paper. Ben said he had some of Howard's childhood friend's names on the paper but that was about it. Howard wondered if he asked the same questions he asked earlier if he would remember what the answers were. He asked Ben what Debra's middle name was. Ben had to think about it but he did remember that it was Jennifer.
Ben said he was watching the movie ''Coming to America'' and there's a scene where Don Amici and Ralph Bellamy are playing bums on the street. He was asking the guys if they knew why they were in that movie. Everyone knew that they were in Trading Places with Eddie Murphy and that's why they were in the movie. Howard asked his father some questions like ''Who's the current Secretary of State'' and he knows answers like that. He just doesn't know anything about his son. Howard wasn't sure how old his father was and found out that he's 82. His mother is 77. Howard said they look great and both still have all of their marbles. They claim that they're still sexually active. Howard was trying to find out more about their sex life but they didn't have much to say about it. He wondered if his mother would let his dad eat ice cream off of her belly. She said she would probably do that. A woman called in and said that she couldn't get out of her car because this conversation was hilarious. She suggested that Howard put them on SIRIUS and give them their own show over there. Howard said he may just do that this September when his channel goes live over there.
Benjy got up and asked Howard's parents if they have ever been offended by what Howard has said on the air. Howard remembered one time that he said something that he regretted later on and had to apologize for. He said he didn't want to bring up the subject again though. There was another time that Gary's mother called Howard's mother to complain about something that Howard had said about him on the show one day. Gary said he felt like a real tool that time and wanted Howard to go off on him even worse the next day because he didn't want his mother sticking up for him like that.
Ben told Howard that he was afraid that Howard was going to give him the business today so he was going to ask him to give the ''FAO Oath'' when he came in. Howard said the FAO Oath was something he would swear to when he was a kid and his father would bring him to FAO Schwartz. Howard had to swear that he wouldn't ask for more than one thing when they went in there. Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who asked the parents when they knew Howard was going to be famous. Ben said that when he went to work in Westchester and saw a picture of him in the NY Times a few weeks later. Howard said that was a fluke because there were a bunch of other famous people working there. Howard just happened to be on the air doing a horrible radio show and the journalist wanted a picture of him, not any of the more famous jocks over there. Howard wrapped up with his parents after that. Artie interrupted and asked Ben for his pick in the 5th at Belmont. Ben said that was a very good question but he didn't have an answer. He said that maybe they should head over there after the show. Howard went to break after playing some audio of his father singing ''Never Walk Alone.''
Gary came in and told a story about Richard Christy's weekend. He just got a new credit card and used it to sign up for some porn web sites. The next day he got a call from the credit card company who wanted to make sure he was the one using the card. They had to ask him if he had signed up for Jizzbombs.com. Richard admitted that he was the one who signed up. Howard asked him how the site was. Richard said the site was great and he downloaded as much video as possible with his 5 day trial. Richard talked about how he thinks that he was walking down the street when he told the credit card company that he had signed up for that web site. He didn't care though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the name of the web site had been bleeped out of the show. Howard said that's what made the whole story funny and he promised to tell the whole story when they move over to the new place. It turns out they didn't bleep it in New York City, they edited it out up in Buffalo. Howard was surprised at that because it's so not a dirty word. Richard asked Howard if he ever saw the movie ''The Girl Next Door'' because that girl, Elisha Cuthbert was so hot. Howard said he'd like to get her on the show. He also said that Kelly Monaco is going to be coming on soon so he spent a few minutes talking about her. Howard ended up talking about the lame story line they came up with on General Hospital so they could have her dancing on there. Richard said that he's been following her career for years and has probably pleasured himself to her image hundreds of times. He burned a bunch of her stuff on a CD for Will in the back office. Howard asked him to burn him a copy as well.
Another phone caller told Howard that the guys there may not have hit the delay on the name of that web site earlier but they did hit the delay when Richard was talking about the content of the web site. That led to Howard talking about how he can't wait to go over to the new place because he's going to talk about anything he wants, even about sponsors like McDonalds, since he's been silenced about stuff like that over the years. He said that the fans are the bosses over there instead of the sponsors.
Howard said that Jenny McCarthy will be coming in soon and she's getting divorced. Howard said the timing is off because he would like to bang her, although she does have a kid now. Gary also said that he wanted to mention that Jason Giambi will be coming in soon. He spent a minute talking about him before Howard had Robin start her news. They wrapped up the show around 10:40am.
Howard said that Gary was very phlegmy this morning before the show. He said he wanted to clear his voice for him. Gary said that it's not phlegmy, it's just gone because he was sick over the weekend. He was up late over the weekend at Ross' wedding so he was up late and may not have gotten enough rest. Howard lectured him about getting to bed early so he can get up for the show. He moved on to read some notes about today's show and saw that Papa Roach was coming in today to play their latest hit song ''Scars'' live in the studio. He played some of their song and Artie said he had never heard the song. Howard told Artie that he never heard it until he played it in the studio so he's not as up to date on that stuff as he thinks he is.
Robin said that Paris Hilton is getting some heat for giving up her dog Tinkerbell because it got too big for her. She went out and got another dog that's much smaller. Gary told Howard that he thought his father would have been able to answer all of the questions that Ben wasn't able to answer on the show yesterday. He asked his father a bunch of questions and he didn't know anything about them either. Howard went on to read some e-mail they got about his parents appearance on the show yesterday and people really enjoyed it. Some people thought it was hilarious that Howard's father didn't know anything about his own son and his family. Someone thought that putting them on SIRIUS was such a great idea that he went out and bought a tuner just to hear that. One guy suggested that Ben not knowing that stuff means that he's a man's man. Artie said he remembers his father asking him what grade he was in when he'd go to work with him. Howard didn't know that his father hadn't been up to the station before, he's only been to the birthday shows. Robin saw Ben in the hall talking to Steve the Engineer about the old days. He was also talking to Tom Chiusano and wondering when he went grey. Howard reminded him that they've been working there for 20 years so things change.
Howard's dad got emotional about going up there to the station to visit his son. Howard talked about how his dad kissed him goodbye and Robin thought that was pretty sweet. Howard said they always do that and he never gets uptight about it. Robin thought it was a bit of a wet kiss. She had never seen the two of them do that before so it was a bit of a surprise to her. She said it looked like what you'd want a woman to do to you, not your father. Artie said he would kiss his uncles like that but not his father. He said that maybe if he had gotten to know him better it would have happened. Howard said that it's something you start at a younger age though. She still couldn't get over it and thought it was a beautiful thing. Robin said her father would wait until they were alone before kissing her. She was joking around about her father molesting her and Artie thought that was kind of nuts that they still make fun of that. Howard wondered if he was her first kiss. She said she would imagine that was the case because she was only 11 years old at the time.
Howard read an e-mail that someone wrote in about KC Armstrong, wondering what happened to him. Howard said they've already spoken to KC a couple of times about what went on. There were other e-mails about Jenny McCarthy's divorce. Howard already knew about that and they'll be talking to Jenny about it when she comes in soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if everyone was on something this morning because they were all so ''giddy.'' He said that they were all on a roll and ''on Fi-ah.'' Artie said he had some Hawaiian punch that he was drinking but that was it. Howard said he has no idea how they were doing well this morning, they were just on a roll.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who corrected Gary about what he said about Grand Master Flash yesterday. He said that he didn't do ''White Lines'' but the writer said he was looking at the record and it had his name on it. Gary admitted he was wrong and Fred played a bunch of the latest ''Baba Booey'' song parodies.
Howard read an obituary for someone by the name of Jack Goff and he thought that it was a fake because it's like ''Jack Off.'' He wanted to read the whole obituary but the guys hadn't printed it out for him. A couple of minutes later he got a hold of the obituary and quickly read that the guy's name was Jacob ''Jack'' Goff. Artie was doing his best ''Red'' impression so Howard ended up playing some audio of the prank calls that were made to the guy who called himself ''Red.'' People would call him at his bar and ask him to find out if their friends ''Mike Hunt, Phil Degrave, Pepe Roni, Bill Loney, Sal Ami, Stu Pitt'' and others were there. The guy would fall for it every time and would sometimes yell at the guys who made the phone calls, threatening to cut their bellies open and stuff like that. Sal came in a minute later and said that there are actually a bunch of Jack Goff's on the web when you search that name. It turns out it's probably a real thing.
A fan called in and asked Howard to replay the ''Mitur'' prank call that Sal and Richard made to a chicken restaurant. Howard played that as they were going to break.
Howard had some audio clips from yesterday's show where Danielle was yelling ''Vodka straight up, thank you!'' when she came in to play along with Criss Angel. Robin said she thought she looked a lot like Nicole Richie. Howard said when he goes to Scores he wants her to dance for him. That led to Fred playing the ''Shake that Ass'' song they were playing yesterday. They also have a version that Wood Yi (Steve the Engineer) sang. Howard said they had some tapes of Wood Yi that they took to make some prank calls to the gay channel over at SIRIUS. They had him saying some really nasty things but the host, Frank Decaro, didn't seem to mind. Howard said it's hard to shock those guys. They took the clips they had and called a transmission shop and had him saying that he wanted to suck his c**k and to slap his penis on the phone. The guy at the shop called him a queer and some other names and would hang up on him. They had to call a guy by the name of Frank since that's the name that Wood Yi was referring to.
Howard will have commercials when they move over to the new place but there won't be as many as they have now. He said that there are stories about how much they're going to charge for those spots. That led to Howard talking about how they're going to be changing the way they do ratings for satellite radio now and it's all because of him. He was saying that they have to come up with a name for the channel over at SIRIUS and he's been wracking his brain trying to come up with something. He thought about using ''Bukkake 100'' but he thinks that might burn out. He also thought about using ''Bloody C**t'' as the name or just the C-word channel. They went to break a short time after that.
Howard said Beet isn't kidding when he says he doesn't know. Robin said she likes the part where he says he looks good. Howard said he likes the part where he says he looks like a gigalo but it sounds more like ''chigalo.'' Artie said that if he could recreate those songs live, he'd make millions. Howard said he can't recreate them, it's a one time thing only.
Eric said that he passed along a demo tape of a friend of his to Carrie Underwood. Robin said it probably ended up in the trash a few minutes later. Eric told Howard about how he met them and how there were 20 people there for the meet and greet that he was at. Eric didn't get to go right to the front of the line though. Howard was doing his impression of Eric as if he was an alien. Howard asked how Carrie looked and if Eric ''wanted it.'' Eric said that he wouldn't mind going on a date with her. Howard also asked him if he wacked it when he got home. Eric said he didn't. Howard said he must wack it sometimes. Eric said ''maybe'' when they asked him if he does that. Eric told Howard about some of the other people he met and the conversations he had with them. Howard said he would have loved to have taped the conversations he had with the contestants.
Howard wondered if Eric tried to get a job with the Maloufs like he was talking about the last time he called in. Eric said that didn't happen and he didn't get to meet with the Maloufs. That led to Howard playing a bit that Sal and Richard put together about what it might be like if Eric was working in a hotel. Eric said he didn't like the bit of course. Howard asked Eric if he told Carrie that he had a crush on her. Eric said he didn't do that. Howard asked Eric if he feels his mission was accomplished. Howard started in with his impression of him again and Artie added that Eric's mission was accomplished by annoying everyone. Gary asked if they could post some of his pictures on their web site. Eric said that he already told him that he could. Howard was going to let him go but he wanted to get in a plug for this Briana chick that he's trying to help out. He gave out her web site BrianaTyson.com before getting off the phone.
Howard read a story about this guy Adam Greenberg who has been playing in the minor leagues and finally made it to the Majors but got hit in the head with a baseball during the first game and now he's out because he's seeing double. The guys talked about that and about how years ago there were guys who wouldn't wear helmets. There was one guy who actually got killed one time. The guy is now back to the minors for now but they're saying he should be brought back up to the majors eventually.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Howard's parents on the show yesterday were great and his show has been great all summer. Howard said that's because he sees a light at the end of the tunnel and he's looking forward to the new place. Dominic was also saying that he thinks that once Howard is ready for the move, there will be a ton of people signing up for SIRIUS. Howard said the first show is going to be weird because he doesn't know who will be following him up there. He talked about how much excitement there is around this whole deal and how they're building him a new studio over at SIRIUS. He said he's got a view of the old NBC building from his office over there and he loves that because their firing was the best thing for his career.
Howard brought up the Arbitron ratings thing again and how they're calling it the ''Howard Stern Factor'' because they're going to be rating individual shows on satellite radio now that he's moving. He also said that he just read that the FCC has seen a decline in complaints about indecency and obscenity over the past year or so. Howard said the interesting thing is that there are more complaints about cable and satellite things, possibly due to his move to satellite and cable.
Howard played a new song that Richard Christy sang about ''I Want to Know What Fred Is'' which was leading up to Richard interviewing Fred about his life since he knows so little about him. He said that would be coming up after the next break. He took some phone calls before going to break. A caller asked Howard what he thinks about the stories about how the government may have known about 9/11 before it happened. Howard said he absolutely believes that and there is plenty of evidence out there that shows the government knows about stuff like that and doesn't do anything about it. He mentioned that there's a guy out there who used to work for the CIA who is saying they could have killed Osama bin Laden 11 times but no one bothered to do anything about it. Howard and the guys spent a minute talking about that before going to commercial break.
Howard asked Pam about her relationship with Courtney Love because she really hasn't been friends with her that long. Pam said she lives near her but she doesn't hang out with her all that much. She said they have hung out a couple of times. Howard didn't like the way Courtney was stealing all of the attention at the roast but Pam actually liked it. She was happy that the attention was taken off of her. Robin also said it's funny how Courtney was bragging about being off drugs for a year and then she ends up getting caught again just recently. Pam said she wasn't sure if Courtney was drinking that night or not.
Howard asked Pam what Tommy Lee was doing at the roast. She said that she's trying to support him by letting him perform a song on there. Howard thought it was kind of weird but Pam said her son likes the song and she was happy to have him play it there. She said they're still just friends and don't hang out together all that much. They talk but not that much according to Pam. Howard asked her when she last had sex with Tommy but she couldn't remember exactly when that was. She wasn't even sure if it was pre-Kid Rock or after she broke up with Kid Rock. Howard was talking about some reality TV shows he's been watching. He said that he's been watching Gene Simmons' TV show and the Hulk Hogan show. Pam said she doesn't like those type of shows because they seem to be set up to her. Howard wondered if Pam is seeing anyone right now. She said she doesn't have anyone and she doesn't have a crush on anyone like she told Larry King. She said she hasn't had sex in months and it's probably the longest she's gone without someone in a long time.
Howard asked Pam about going up to the Playboy mansion and watching the orgy that goes on in Hef's room. She said it wasn't all that long ago but she went up to the mansion and went swimming and then went up to the room and saw the 7 girlfriends and Hef on the bed with baby oil and there was a porno on TV. Howard wondered if it was gay porn. She said it wasn't but Howard has heard that they do watch gay porn sometimes. Pam said she had to leave the room because she saw that people were looking at her. She said she had to see it though. Howard wondered how Hef looked naked. She said it was tough to tell because of all of the baby oil that was in the room. Howard asked her if he was ''big'' and Pam said she thinks he was. Artie said that's amazing because the guy is like 80 years old.
Howard read that Pam is so into animals that she had a wedding for her two dogs. She said that's not really what was going on though. Howard said that he read that the guy who plays Ali G on The Ali G show tackled her. Pam wouldn't say what that was all about but it sounded like she's going to be part of that show. Howard gave her another plug for her book and her TV show ''Stacked'' which is back in production for the new season. He talked about how hot she is and about her sex tape. He wondered what she's going to do when her kids get old enough to find out about the sex tape. The kids are 7 and 9 years old now and she thinks that they haven't heard about it yet. Howard said she's got a lot of explaining to do. He said she'll have to tell them that not all women look like her. He let her go a short time later.
Howard played another message that Richard left for Will where he sounded even more drunk. He was singing Gwen Stefani's ''Hollaback Girl'' in a way that it was almost unrecognizable. Howard said he seems like a lonely drunk. Artie told him that drinking is a dead end street. He was saying that he's never gotten so drunk that he'd leave a gay message for someone like that. There was also a message that Richard left for J.D. In that message Richard was telling J.D. what he missed on the cruise where it cost just $50 for all you can drink. Richard said there were a lot of women on the cruise and they were pretty hot... but he ended up on the street calling Will and J.D.
Howard took a call from this guy Mike who said that he went on the cruise with Richard and he was one of the funniest guys on the cruise. He said he was like a tourist because he was taking pictures of just about anything that moved. Howard also heard that he threw furniture overboard when he was on that cruise. Richard wasn't even sure that's what he did but he was told he had done that. Howard played yet another message that Richard left for J.D. where he was telling him about all of the drinks he'd had. He sounded kind of like Jeff the Drunk at a couple of points in the call. Then he says that he's about to vomit. Richard told Howard that he didn't throw up... as far as he knows. He said he may find something in the corner of his apartment in 2 years though.
Howard said they were going to put off the ''I Wanna Know What Fred Is'' thing until tomorrow. He said they could ask one question today though. Richard asked Fred how often he pleasures himself. Fred said he used to do it every day but these days, now that he's married, he hardly does it at all. He said he may do it once a month or so if his wife and daughter are out. He said he will watch porn if that chance comes up. He wasn't sure what the titles were though. Howard decided to cut them off there and play more tomorrow.
Howard heard that one of the guys, Dave, was in the Aerosmith family but that didn't work out. He was with Mia Tyler but he wasn't ready to talk about what went on. Howard said it seemed like he was really broken up about the whole thing. He said he was trying to move on and really didn't want to talk about what went on. Howard told him he'd try and hook him up because he deserves it. He said he seems like he's still in love and needs some cheering up. He was trying to play the Whore Song that he was playing earlier but it wasn't cued up. Dave asked for some Jack Daniels so they actually passed some along to him and he took a gulp of it. It actually came from the back of the studio where Artie sits. He told Dave he could keep that one. Dave said he was also a Vodka drinker so Artie passed some of that up to him as well.
Howard read that Jerry is married to a model so he asked him about that. Jerry said that her name is Jessica Lee and she was in Playboy at one point. Their marriage is working out pretty good and they've been married for 3 years so far. Howard moved on and had the guys perform their song ''Scars'' which is on their album ''Getting Away With Murder.'' Howard quieted down and let them go ahead and perform the song without interruption. Howard was wondering if Robin's panties were wet after that. She just giggled. Jacoby told Howard that the song just came right out as they were writing it. Howard was saying that he's impressed that these guys can show so much emotion when they write a song because he's unable to do that. The guys were saying that Jacoby is much easier to work with now that he's sober. Jacoby said he thinks he's looking much better now as well. The guys were telling Howard how great things have been going for them lately. Their album is selling well and it went Platinum. While they were telling that story the delay was hit at least one time. It had been hit once or twice earlier in the interview as well.
Howard took some phone calls for the guys and let some people tell them how great they sounded. He gave them a plug for their album and PapaRoach.com. He also told Dave that there are plenty of women out there for him. He asked him what the craziest things they've ever done back stage. They didn't really have any stories like that but Jacoby told Howard that he once used a leather couch with some KY on it to pleasure himself. Howard said he was looking for a band story so he added that the band walked in on him. Howard went right to break after that.
Double A called in and asked Howard about Beth O's sexy outfits and if she wears them for him. Howard said she just wears a little slip to bed and no underpants, she doesn't really get dressed up for him. Robin reminded Howard that he didn't tell everyone about what he did to Beth's dress at the wedding they were at over the weekend. Howard said he hated the Vera Wang dress that Beth was wearing so he cut it up with scissors and made it into a mini-skirt with a slit up the side. He was also talking about how much he likes her ass but she hates showing it to him. He said she doesn't want him to see it at home but she's in FHM magazine with a bunch of ass shots that look great to him. Double A was telling Howard how much he looks forward to getting FHM every month. He was also saying that Howard should put pictures of Beth on his web site instead of the other girl that's on there for the SIRIUS ad. Robin asked him if he's been sending them tapes of what he wants to do on SIRIUS when they move. Double A said he stops by the station once in a while and they always tell him not to come up. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said the guys gave him a list of real names out of a phone book that included people like...
Howard was on fire during the news today doing a crazy impression of Cousin Brucie and singing some songs while Robin was talking about the death of the guy who created the Moog Synthesizer. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:30am.
Howard started off the morning playing some audio clips of Scott the Engineer doing a microphone check and saying ''Hey Now!'' over and over again and making some other odd noises. He was very lively in the microphone check, unlike his usual on-air self. Howard said that no one was listening to him at the time... except for Sal and Richard who got the recording somehow.
Howard said that they're supposed to be getting a call sometime next month from actor Tom Sizemore who is apparently in rehab right now. There were stories about a porno tape of Tom being out there and Tom was saying that he didn't want it out there but Heidi Fleiss was saying that he'd been trying to sell it for years. Gary got a password for a web site that has the tape so he's seen it. Howard had some clips from that tape where Sizemore is rambling on and on about looking at genitals and about Thomas Jefferson. Gary said that he must have ADD because he can go from one subject to another within seconds. Tom falls asleep during the taping. He had another clip where Tom is moaning and a dog starts barking, a phone starts ringing and he just keeps going. Gary said there's one scene where he's in a bicycling outfit and it's just a very weird scene. Howard played more of the tape where you hear a vibrator going but Tom is talking about cops and how he hopes they get cancer. While Howard was playing some of that the delay was hit on them but there was no explanation for it. Tom goes on to talk about ''the system'' and how it failed him because he ended up losing $40 million because of the police. Gary told Howard to play the last track because it was so entertaining. In the clip Tom is ''finishing'' and making some very intense sounds. Howard said he never sounds like that himself and Tom must be getting more pleasure out of life than he is. He asked Robin if Mr. X ever sounds like that. She said he has on a couple of occasions but not every time. After that Tom was calmed down and the woman he was with was talking about not waking him up. Howard said that the tape is available at XXXTom.com and wanted to thank them for that.
Yesterday's Papa Roach performance of ''Scars'' was replayed after that. Howard went on to read some mail about the performance. One guy said he doesn't understand why so many people like these horrible bands like that and that he'd rather hear a retarded janitor flushing a clogged toilet instead. Howard said they had tape of that and played a bit they created using Gary the Retard as the janitor trying to unclog a toilet. Howard continued to play the song after that and said he liked it.
Howard read some mail after that. One guy said he was spinning around the dial and ran across Mancow who was playing the ''My Turban is Dirty'' prank calls that Sal and Richard made as if they were his own. Howard said they create a lot of stuff on the show and it gets stolen all the time, but not so blatantly. He said it's kind of funny how the guy will lift their material and then bad mouth his show. He played the calls that were obviously done by Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy. Howard said he doesn't mind if people play his stuff as long as they credit them. He said that whenever he plays something from Kidd Chris' stuff, he gives him credit. He said he'd rather not have people play his stuff without crediting them for what they've done.
Howard replayed the Scott the Engineer microphone test that he played earlier this morning. Scott makes all kinds of weird noises and talks about some ''hot, smelly, wet ***holes.'' Scott came in and told Howard that he knew that Richard and Sal were recording that test, they were standing right in front of him at the time. Howard then played a song they created using those audio clips. Scott also told Howard he has a name for his new channel over at SIRIUS. He said they could call it ''Howard Stern's Double Penetration 100.'' Howard told him to go away. Some e-mailers liked the ''Bukkake 100'' name that Howard suggested the other day. Howard said other people liked the idea of just calling it the C-word.
Howard read an e-mail about the pictures that they had up on his web site the other day with Criss Angel. They said there were more of him than there were of the Scores strippers. Another e-mailer asked Howard and Artie about some chicken they were talking about the other day but neither of them remembered the conversation. There was one email from a guy who asked Howard to stop letting Awesome Angelo (Double A) on the air because he can't take his accent. Howard said he's going to be throwing a bunch of people on the service in September to fill up the air time until they move over there. Howard read some other e-mail about some of the stuff they did during the news, mainly the part where he was doing his Cousin Brucie impression. Fred was also throwing in a dog barking sound effect while he was doing the impression. Howard read some other mail about Pam Anderson's interview. Some people don't like to hear her on the air anymore. Someone said that Pam was also lying when she said she didn't have a crush on anyone. She's been dating some guy for a little while now and has been seen out with him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to suggest a quick show idea. He would like to hear Artie get on the air and give some football picks for a half hour show or so over at the new place. Howard said that maybe he could do that once they move over there. He was thinking about having Artie do a drinking show. Artie said that Danielle from Scores (Vodka straight up, thank you!) will have a job on that show if it happens. Another phone caller said that Howard should name his channel over at SIRIUS ''F-The FCC 100.'' Howard said he'd rather not be reminded about the FCC every day over there though. He went to break after that.
Howard thanked the Vodka company Kettle One who sent over a bunch of bottles of the stuff . He's not even sure why they did that but he thanked them for it anyway. Howard was also saying that he was told that there's a new saying out on the streets where you call people ''Bill Murray'' when you walk past them. Gary came in and explained to Howard that it was a couple of black guys who worked with Bill Murray recently who came up with the concept to just call everyone Bill Murray when they walk past them on the street. Fred played a few Baba Booey song parodies while he was there and when he was leaving. Then Howard played a voice mail from a guy who was calling Gary names and wishing he'd die because everyone hates him. Robin was surprised to hear that someone hates Gary that much. Howard said the guy calls in all the time and talks about how much he hates him.
Fred played another Baba Booey song parody and that led to Howard talking about how he thinks there will be a Broadway play based on the show some day and it'll be all about Baba Booey and the way he got his name. He said it could be a great Opera too. Fred was playing the opera singer who did all Baba Booey singing years ago while Howard was talking about it. He said the opera would go on for hours and hours so people would have to take a bunch of intermissions. Artie suggested that they call their SIRIUS channel ''Baba Booey 100'' when they start that up. Gary came in a few minutes later and asked Howard if he was that bored this morning that he had to stay on that subject. Howard said some things about Gary's marriage that he disagreed with. He had gotten headaches and nosebleeds at one point and Howard thought that was because of the pressure from his marriage. Gary said it wasn't because of the marriage though. Gary said he had to take the medicine for that stuff for other reasons, not his marriage. He had other pressures in his family that he was dealing with.
Howard wondered how many people would be willing to buy pre-sale tickets to a show like that and if they could deal with a 9 hour presentation. Fred continued to play the Baba Booey song parodies and Howard would paint the picture of what was going on in the play. The final song would be the ''Baker Street'' Baba Booey song. Gary wondered how long Fred could go and not repeat himself. Howard said there are a lot of Baba Booey song parodies, he could go for hours.
A caller told Howard that he works in a restaurant out in California and they name their customers just like the restaurant they were talking about earlier. Gary said that Sal already told him that they write down ''Horse Tooth Jackass'' for him. The guys spent a couple more minutes talking about that story.
Elle says that her husband claims that he only looks at those pictures so he can ''feel their pain'' and it's not a sexual thing. She said it's kind of odd because she thinks she has an older looking face and not a baby face like the kids he was looking at. That led to Howard talking about the story they read recently about Shaquille O'Neil and how he's been trying to bust kiddie porn offenders online. They spent a short time on that and then Howard gave her a $500 prize. She was asking for some SIRIUS equipment but Howard told her to just use the five hundred for that. She said she's really broke right now and needs more than that but he put her on hold.
Howard was also saying that he freaked out the day he heard that the company signed the paperwork saying that they were going to suspend him if they just get that NAL. He said he wasn't going to sign any paperwork back then because it's Tom and Dead Air Dave who control the delay button, not him. He said that they should be suspending Steve Lehrman who is their lawyer. Howard said it's ridiculous that he'd be suspended over this stuff. He's not hoping that they do get the NAL and they do have to suspend him no matter what. Tom may lose his job over it as well. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy who wanted to play the game because he kept interrupting him. Gary said that if they got suspended it would be a crappy way to leave the air. He said it might make for a good vacation for them though.
King of All Blacks called in and said that the company will probably back the guy who replaces him but Howard said they can't, they already made the deal with the FCC and they have to follow that Consent Decree even when the new guy, whoever that may be, takes over. Howard said the policy is ridiculous. King was telling Howard that there's a new SIRIUS radio coming out that's like a Walkman and it's tiny... but Howard didn't want to talk about it. Tom told Howard that if they do get suspended, the investigation could take up to 6 months to do so they'd probably be off the air for the rest of their contract. Howard
Howard introduced ''Evil'' Dave Letterman who was sitting in this morning. Dave started in on reading his jokes and the delay hits started about 30 seconds later. Dave couldn't keep it clean even though he's supposed to read from a script. Howard thanked a friend of his, Will Regan, who sent some stuff over to his Treo 650 just by pointing it at it via Blue Tooth. Howard said the guy sent him some sex position information and now he can check it out whenever he wants.
Howard and Evil Dave were having a discussion about Jay Leno but the delay hits were chopping up the conversation and we missed out on most of Dave's jokes. John the Stutterer called in during the conversation and stuttered like crazy trying to get out what he wanted to say. He told Howard he had an idea for his channel over at SIRIUS. He said it would be the ''Tunnel of Lingus 100'' but it took him about 2 minutes just to get that out. Howard thanked him for that and then let him go. He played a prank call they made to an Internet Relay service where John was talking dirty to someone. Howard thought he had hung up on John but he was still on the line somehow. John wanted to ask Howard a question but he didn't want him to get mad at him. He asked Howard if he could ask Tabitha Stevens if she ''wo... woo... wooo'' CLICK! Howard hung up on him before he could get the question out.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric and questioned him about what he was up to over the weekend. Eric claims that he wasn't doing anything wrong but Gary said he did. Eric said he's doing a favor for this guy Dino who he owes money to. Gary and Tom know that Eric was using Howard's name to get into a concert but Eric was denying that. Tom said he would like to keep him off the air but he knows he can't do that. Gary threatened to call Eric's father and let him know what he's been up to lately. Eric asked Gary not to do that and that he has witnesses who would say that he didn't do this stuff they were accusing him of. Gary said he has a woman from Heinekin who was furious about what Eric was doing trying to get tickets to the concert. Tom called him ''the smartest retard'' around. Gary said that the woman Eric called was threatened by Eric but Eric said that's not true. Gary said he has a picture of Eric bugging a security guard at the concert and he was denying that as well. Gary said the big lie is that he's denying it. Howard gave him a chance to admit to what he did right then and he'd wipe the slate clean. Eric said he did not use Howard's name at the concert that day. Gary said he's going to do a People's Court on the show and if Eric loses, he's going to be banned from the show. Howard told him to call Eric's father as well. Gary read an e-mail he got about what went on and it sounded like Howard was ready to ban him from the show. Gary said that one day Eric is going to burn Howard so bad that it's going to drive him over the edge.
Howard took a call and let one more guy play the Crackhead Bob game. This one was easy and the guy got ''Jeepers Creepers'' pretty quick. Howard gave him the $500 prize which was courtesy of ''Sin City.'' He said that they have a new event coming up next month and it's the Wack Pack Family Feud featuring the Daniel Carver family vs. The Wendy the Retard Family. They went to break after Evil Dave screwed up another couple of jokes he had written down.
Howard had the guys bring in the twins, Lyndsey and Lacey Love, who are in the porn business. Howard heard that they don't seem to be all that into the whole porn scene though. He talked to them about how they got into the business and how things didn't go all that well the first time they did a movie together. Lacey was shooting a scene but not getting into it until her sister walked in. They said they can't touch each other in the movies they shoot though because there's some law that says they can't. Howard was asking the girls about doing the same guy at the same time but the delay was hit at least one time when they were talking about that.
The girls said that their parents don't know what they're doing at this point and they're trying to avoid telling them. Some of their other family members know what they're up to but they keep it quiet for them. Howard said there will probably be a lot of crying and screaming going on when their parents do find out what they're up to. The girls told Robin how the sex stuff came pretty easy when they started to get into it. They think that their mother won't get all that mad if she finds out about this. Their grandmother might freak out though. Howard asked them about their father and he's apparently pretty proud of them for going to school and all but he has no idea what they're up to. They said that they don't really feel that weird seeing each other with the same guy or anything like that. Howard played some audio from their porn movie ''Too Hot'' and commented on that. The delay was hit once again during the playing of that audio.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said he saw their movie and they seemed to be doing it under duress and they weren't really into the whole thing. He wondered if there was something else behind them getting into the stuff. The girls said that they were kind of nervous so maybe that's why it came across like that. The delay hits were coming left and right once again during that conversation. Howard said he heard that the girls have never had orgasms before. One of the girls said she was 14 when she lost her virginity and didn't have sex for about 2 years after that. They never really had that many guys after that. The girls don't pleasure themselves so they've never had orgasms doing that either.
At one point Evil Dave asked the girls why they were still wearing clothes. They didn't get a chance to answer though. Howard found it amazing that they've never had orgasms before. He said that maybe they're just not attracted to men. The girls said that's not the case even though they only have sex for about 10 minutes in real life. Sal wanted to ask the girls some questions because they sounded pretty smart to him. He asked them ''What weighs more, a pound of bricks or a pound of feathers?'' The girls knew that they were the same. Evil Dave asked the girls if they have problems getting aroused like Robin does. There were more delay hits after that.
Howard took some phone calls and let some guys ask the girls some questions. He started to wrap up the interview after that but Robin asked the girls what they want to accomplish. They said that they're just looking to get famous. Howard checked out what they were wearing and Sal asked if they would show everyone if they were shaped the same way. The girls looked at each other and agreed to show their boobs. They didn't have implants so Howard told them to leave them alone and stay natural, don't get implants. The girls weren't sure if they were B or A cups though. One of the girls said she used to weigh 50 pounds more than she does now. She thought she might have some stretch marks but Howard looked closely and said they were fine. Richard Christy had come in and said that he would do the girls... Howard said that he would do Sal if he had the chance. Howard told the girls again to leave their natural breasts alone. He gave them a couple of plugs for their web site TwinTease.com and Vivid.com. Howard asked the girls if they wanted to call their parents on the air and let them know what they're up to. They said they may be murdered if they do something like that so they avoided it. Howard went to break shortly after that.
Howard had Robin start her news but he took a phone call from a guy who pointed out the hypocrisy of the FCC and FOX broadcasting when he brought up how FOX, on FX, has new shows like ''Rescue Me'' where they curse all the time but the FCC doesn't do anything about that. Howard spent a minute on that and then took a few more phone calls. A 21 year old girl called in to tell Howard what a fan she was and how she wanted to come down to meet him. She made the mistake of telling them that she has a 1 year old child though. Howard said he'd give her the chance of winning a $500 prize if she could answer a question about the show. He asked her what his middle name is. She had no idea. Howard asked her what she's wearing but she was at work so that wasn't going to work. Then she told Howard that she has some stretch marks from the pregnancy but she didn't think they'd be able to see them. She said she wanted to appear on the show back when she was 18 but she ended up getting pregnant at the age of 19. Howard told the caller that his middle name is Alan and that his mother didn't want to name him Howard when he was born, she wanted to name him something else. He gave her the chance to answer that but she didn't know that answer either. It was Harvey. He asked her what he calls his girlfriend and what Robin's middle name was. She didn't know anything. Not even Fred's legal name. Robin's middle name is Ophelia and Fred is ''Eric Fred Norris.'' She did know what his producer's name was... Gary Dell'Abate, so he gave her the $500 prize.
Another caller asked Evil Dave if he would do a show on satellite radio when Howard moves over there. Dave said that he's too big to do satellite and he won't be doing that. He also let Artie know that there was an opening at the Late Show as Paul Shaffer's towel boy. Another caller asked Howard if he could advertise SIRIUS on his web site. Howard told him he could advertise whatever he wants on his own site. Howard eventually hung up on the guy because he wasn't making a lot of sense. Another caller told Howard about seeing Beth O on some poker show and how Cory Feldman seemed to be staring at her inappropriately and seemed to be upsetting her. Howard said that he'd have to look into that.
Howard started off the show talking about how Diddy, formerly P. Diddy, was going to be calling in today. They spent a minute talking about that and ended up talking about the way Sal the Stockbroker talks about women. Sal came in and Howard went on to talk about his friend Ross who just got married recently and how the guy has a lot of properties and he's worth a lot of money. He was guessing that his house in the Hamptons is probably worth a million, his apartment in the city is probably another million and he's probably worth $2.5 million total. Sal said that if he gets divorced, he's worth nothing. Ross and his wife Melissa did not sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Artie was kind of surprised to hear that he was only worth that much. Artie said that he and Dana have talked about this stuff before and she'd be willing to sign a pre-nuptial agreement if it would make him feel better... if they were to get married. Sal said that it's like winning a lottery and when women are on their knees, it's like scratching a ticket. The guys were talking about that and goofing on Artie a little bit kind of saying that Dana's family are probably pushing her to marry him.
Howard said he knew of a family friend who ran off to Europe with a woman and never came back. Artie said he knew a guy whose wife was nagging him so much that when she asked him to go out and get bread, he left and didn't come back for 6 months. He ended up going to Sicily. Sal said that he's a guest in his own house and he can't do certain things that most people would be able to do. He said he has to take his shoes off when he enters the house. He can't turn on the air conditioning. Gary heard some stuff about him like the fact that he can't go to bed after taking the trash out because his clothes are contaminated. Sal said that he has to wash his hands before bed but she has no problem touching his money which is the dirtiest thing in the world. They got back to talking about Ross and how tough he probably is to live with. Gary said he knows a guy who's divorced and recently called him and told him that he will be done with his alimony payments in 2008. Gary said the guy was thrilled when he called and told him that. Artie talked about all of the things he's gone through in his career to make the money he's saved as a little ''nest egg'' for himself. He remembered all of the tough things he had to do and if a woman comes along and gets married to him, he may have to say goodbye to that nest egg if he doesn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Howard told Artie that ROss has worked hard for his money and he's kind of surprised that he didn't have one when he got married. Howard can see half his house, half his apartment and half of everything else going away if the marriage ends. He said he tried to talk to Ross about that but ROss didn't want to hear it. Sure it could last forever but marriage is a business agreement and you have to be realistic about the whole thing.
Sal was getting angry and complaining about how everything is based on cash. He also said that marriage is like ''long term prostitution'' to him. You pay and pay and pay and then it's over. Howard asked him if he would do it all over again. Sal said he would live in a tent if he could have a different prostitute every night. He said he would find a hot latino woman working in a $.99 store and take her out of there, fix her up by sending her to the gym and date her for a little while. Then he'd move on to the next woman and never get married. He was very detailed with his description so Gary seemed to think that he had been thinking about that for quite some time. Howard was saying that it's the guy who doesn't make a lot of money that he really feels bad for. Cops were one group of guys he mentioned. He said that some cops have to take bullets in their jobs and even they could lose half of their stuff if they get divorced. Howard said Robin's boyfriend has his own money and Robin has her own money so they're both self-sufficient. Sal said that he's going to teach his boys to never get married. Artie told him to just let them to what they want to.
Sal told a story about a guy he knows who caught his wife cheating on him, in front of their baby, and she still walked away with half of his money. She's also now living with the guy who she cheated with. Sal put the word out to women out there to just do things to please their men because they're the ones bringing home the money. Sal said he does that one big thing on Friday where he brings home the paycheck. Howard said he's not bringing home a lot of money though, he works for them now. Sal said that if a woman keeps their man happy, they won't cheat on them. He said that when women don't keep their men happy, they end up cheating on them. He was yelling about all of this and talking about how we're the only animals dumb enough to shack up with someone else who makes us miserable. He called marriage a scam so Gary asked him why he's still in it. Sal said that he's already in too deep so he can't get out. He's got kids and he needs his clothes washed so he stays married. The guys thought that Sal was starting to lose it. He said that his father used to beat the crap out of him, but he still loves him. His wife doesn't do anything for him anymore but he still loves her.
A phone caller told Howard about his wife and how her ex-husband and he are paying for the house she lives in and the car she drives. Now this guy is living in a basement. Howard said that Gary knows a guy who lives in the basement of his house with a hot plate and a recliner, and that's about it. The caller said that he had a big screen TV but he couldn't get it out of the house so his wife did him a favor and let him skip one payment on his alimony. Sal had an idea about child support and how they should have credit card bills that show exactly what the mothers are buying for their kids and the father can see exactly what he's paying for. He said that the system isn't set up the right way and it just isn't right. Gary told Howard another story about a guy who was paying alimony, about $10,000 a month, and he even had to pay for the kid's birthday party. The night before they had a small party and the mother sent him the receipts for the cookies and milk that she bought. She did that the day before throwing a $30,000 party for the kid.
Bong Hit Eric called in and agreed with Sal about all of this. Double A also called in and agreed as well. He was saying that the best thing to do is throw a dollar on the floor and when the woman goes in to grab it, you kick them in the ass. Artie was still thinking about all of the crappy jobs he's had over the years and how that's all you can think about when you think about getting married. Sal flipped out again and told a quick story about a woman who was yelling at some poor Mexican guy who was cleaning her Mercedes 500SL wheels with a q-tip like she can run the world. Meanwhile, she didn't pay for that car, her husband did. He went nuts, yelled and walked away from the microphone for a few seconds. He came back a short time later. Howard was talking about the Kennedy family and how there was one guy who made all of the money for the family and everyone else is slowly draining it dry. King of all Blacks called in and said he loves this conversation. He wondered why women will let themselves go for their husbands and then when they start dating again, they get all dressed up once again. Sal said that's because their bodies are their commodity. They were talking about Eddie Murphy's divorce as well and how his wife was saying that she thought he didn't want to go out and party with her anymore. Howard said he heard that Eddie didn't want to go out before they were married so she probably just got sick of all of the kids and not getting out that much so now she's divorcing him and once things are done, she'll be richer than Eddie.
King of all Blacks said that his wife gets up to go to work at the same time as he does every morning so he's got a unique situation. Sal was saying that Donald Trump's wife is hot and all but if you take away her looks, all you have is Wendy the Retard. Howard said that Melania isn't stupid, she's actually smart, and she and Donald signed a pre-nup. Another caller said that he's a teacher in Harlem but he has to give up 60 percent of his salary even though his wife makes $200,000 a year. He said he tried to get money from his wife but the judge they had was a female judge and sided with the wife. Hook Nose Mike called in and asked Sal where he was 3 years ago, before he was married. Mike said he doesn't want a divorce right now but he hopes things work out. Howard quickly said ''It won't and went to commercial break.
Comedian Shuli called in and asked Howard if it was true that ''Big Foot'' Matt Mcgrory had died. Howard said that is true and went on to talk about Matt coming on the show and going with Robin to her ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' appearance as her friend. Howard told Shuli that they're working on a tribute song for Matt. Howard said that Matt always claimed that he never had anything wrong with him but he must have had giantism or something like that. Howard tried to perform the tribute song they had been working on. It was to the tune of Green Day's ''Good Riddance (Time of Your Life.)'' He was singing as himself and would do his impression of Matt's very deep voice by adding in some compression on his voice. Howard said they're still working on the song. Howard said that Richard Christy told him that he's not going to ever get married. Shuli isn't going to do it either. Richard won't be getting married, mainly because he's listened to Howard's show for years, but also because he can't get a woman.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that black guys never pay their child support so other guys shouldn't do it either. They should just take the ''Baby's daddy'' excuse and use that instead of paying child support. The caller also suggested that Howard get Jon Edwards on the show to see if he's a fake. Howard told the guy that he's already had the guy on the show and he tells all of these so-called psychics that they're phonies. The guy asked Howard if he know what race he was just by hearing him. Howard thought he was white but he was actually black. That led to Howard talking about how bad he did on his S.A.T. Tests when he first took them. He was talking to a friend about it and the friend went from an 830 to a 950 and then he popped a couple of Ritalin and got a 1220 because the drug made him focus more. Howard found that hard to believe but Artie believed it. Howard thinks that maybe he could do better if he took the drug because he's all over the place. Howard talked about how his eyes are always darting around and he can't concentrate on stuff. He knows that it happens but he doesn't have any control over that. Gary came in and said that yesterday he pitched a guest to Howard and it was almost as if he wasn't paying attention to him and just said ''That Sal bit we just did was great'' like he didn't hear a word he said. Artie said that Gary loves to talk and Howard hates to listen so he doesn't always hear what he says. Sal came in and asked Howard why he never says ''no'' to anything, he just ignores what he's asked and won't answer. Howard said he usually thinks about stuff and doesn't answer immediately. When he thinks about stuff he usually figures out that it's a horrible idea but won't say anything to anyone.
Howard changed subjects and asked if Tom had bleeped the hell out of the Dave Letterman bit they did earlier. Gary said that was a perfect example of Howard changing his mind about what he's talking about without anyone else knowing. Sal told Howard that Tom bleeped out the P-word for a man's genitals during that phone call. Howard said he really has to get out of there already because of this stuff.
Dominic Barbara called in and talked about the Ritalin thing and how that does help guys concentrate on subjects because guy's minds are always jumping around from subject to subject. Artie told Howard that he recently saw a dog sleeping on Wendy's wrappers out on the street so he should get rid of that rug and not worry about it. Howard said that Beth was also telling him that every discussion they have is always about him. Howard wondered where that came from. He said that Beth loves that about him but that's what the relationship is like. She's okay with it but if she wasn't, there wouldn't be a relationship there. Howard thinks she believes that he doesn't think enough about her. Howard might talk about how ''he'' doesn't want to get married but he doesn't think about what she thinks. It's all about the rules that he wants to follow, not about what she wants. Howard thinks he's earned that though.
Howard said a woman sent him a watercolor painting of his dog that was really good so he gave her a plug for her web site as well. That site was LovesPets.com.
Howard went on to read some e-mail he got. One guy asked if there will be a time delayed channel on SIRIUS for his show when they move over there. Howard said, yes, there will be a time delayed show. Another e-mailer thought that Gary had screwed up during the Crackhead Bob show yesterday about the ''Follow the Yellow Brick Road'' phrase yesterday. Someone thought he was saying something else but Richard Christy said that they heard the old tape and it was definitely that phrase that he was asked to say. Howard got some feedback about the Evil Dave stuff yesterday and some people don't want him on the show anymore. Fred told Howard that they get a lot of good feedback about him as well though. Richard thinks he's great and loves when he screws up lines and pronounces Star Jones ''Star Joins.''
Howard said that there's a guy down in Florida who always files complaints about the show but it seems like the more the guy does to get him thrown off the air, the better he does. He's now got a great deal over at satellite radio and he's not upset about it. He said that these people who file these complaints are making it hard to do entertaining radio and it's just going to get worse and worse as time goes by. Howard said that he's going to be hand picking people to appear on his three channels so they can work and thrive without worrying about the fines. He said they're going to take people off Terrestrial radio and give them a new life on satellite. He will promote the hell out of them when they move over there as well.
Howard replayed the Evil Dave prank call he played earlier in the show but it was edited so Tom wouldn't have to hit the button on them again. Artie said the call sounded fine to him but he might be thinking that because he already heard it earlier. Howard said it's ridiculous that they had to bleep the word ''penis'' and the word ''mud.'' Artie suggested having the audience play a Mad Libs type game using one of their bleeped bits to see what kind of words they'd put in for the bleeps. That led to Howard playing a commercial parody they created where a robotic Tom Chiusano introduces some Best Of Stern that's just one long bleep.
Howard read some more mail about some stuff they've done on the show lately. There have been a few complaints about the Papa Roach performance on the show the other day. Some people said they would rather hear people like Debbie Schlussel on the show than Papa Roach playing ''Scars'' on the show. One guy said he would rather hear a retarded janitor trying to unclog a toilet so they created a bit where Gary the Retard was doing just that. Howard said he'll play that instead of Papa Roach's song if people hate it that much.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was hearing all of this stuff and she thinks that Richard is disgusting. Howard told Richard he should be able to get a chick drumming the way he does. He played a little more of his drumming with Dream Theater. Dan was still there talking about Richard's problems with chicks so Howard said he's one to talk because he's so love struck with this one woman. Dan said that at least he's able to get women though, Richard isn't able to get one. Dan said Richard does some weird things and once said to him that he must have a ''big bush down there'' while looking at his pants when they were working in the back office one day.
Bong Hit Eric said that he wanted to play the Crackhead Bob game, even if it was just for fun. Howard had a few clips and told him he could play for $500 cash. He had to get 2 out of 3 right to win it. The first one was easy. It was Bob saying ''Let bygones be bygones.'' The next one was a little harder. It was Bob saying ''I'm very intelligent.'' Howard gave Bong Hit Eric one last try because he missed the second one. ''You gotta fight for you right to party!'' Eric was able to get that one so he won the $500 courtesy of a magazine that won't be plugged here. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard also had some audio of Jesse Jackson talking about how the FCC should be investigating Pat Robertson for what he's said on the air about the assassination thing. Howard said that Jesse has missed the whole point and reminded everyone that Jesse once called New York ''Heimi-town.''
Howard interrupted the Jesse Jackson tape to play tape of another nutty person, Tara Reid. She suggested that the terrorists in the world should all go to one country and blow each other up, instead of blowing up the innocent people. Howard said her brains must be in her boobs. He also said that she's getting a weird, raspy voice these days.
Beetlejuice's manager was on the phone so he and Beetlejuice had a quick conversation. Howard told Beet that Tom won't let Sean up there anymore because of the fight they had. Howard told Sean he doesn't think an apology will work but he'd see what Tom thinks. Sean said he was off of his medication that day and that's why he went nuts. Sean said that he's on Depicote and Paxil and he was off of it for 3 days. Tom came in a minute later and said that Sean threatened to kill him and tried to track him down the halls of the station. He doesn't want to let him come back up there but did ask Sean to give him a reason he should let him come back. Sean said that Tom asked him what he was on that day and he was actually not on anything, and that was the problem. Howard told Sean that he has to do some more jail time for Tom before he'll be allowed back up there. Sean told Tom that he just wants to come up and shake his hand to apologize for what he did. Beetlejuice said that he straightened out Sean and got him back on his meds. Sean also told Tom that he would never hit him and he was just trying to put the fear into him. He managed to do that. Tom accepted his apology and said that maybe the next time Beetle is on the show he'll allow him back up. Sean seemed to be fine with that so Howard let him go.
Howard had this guy Kevin on the phone. Kevin is the guy who created the animation over on Howard's web site of the Staind version of the Beetlejuice song. Kevin told Beet that he tried to make him big in the video, like 250 pounds, but Beetlejuice told him he only weighs 140 so that wasn't right. Kevin also told Howard he saw him there at the station yesterday but didn't say anything to him. Kevin said that he knows Howard doesn't like to be bothered when he's leaving. Howard told him he would have liked to have spoken to him though. Robin said he wasn't saying much of anything to anyone while he was there. Howard let him go a short time later.
Beetlejuice will be appearing at the Crazy Leprechaun in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania tomorrow night. He'll be boxing and telling jokes. Beetlejuice had been drinking this morning so he was a bit wound up and was pretty talkative. Artie was telling Howard a story about Beet hanging out with him in Vegas and Beet said he actually caught Artie when he fell off a stage out there. Howard gave Beet another plug for Lucky Tattoo in Absecon, New Jersey where Beet gets some tattoos. Beetlejuice showed Howard some of the tats he has and claims he has 400 of them on his body. Beetlejuice cursed at one point so they had to hit the delay. The guy who will be boxing Beet called in and told Beetlejuice that he's going to take him out in the first round at this fight. Beetle says that he won't be the one going down, it'll be the other guy. Howard wrapped up with Beetlejuice after he cursed a couple more times and went to commercial break.
Howard said that Artie caught him doing something funny during the break. He shook Beetlejuice's hand to say goodbye to him and then sprayed some foaming hand sanitizer on his hands to clean them. He said he does that whenever someone shakes his hand. He said even after he uses that he went into the bathroom and washed his hands. Robin told him that those things are the reason that we need to have all of the antibiotics that we do because people aren't as resistant to germs anymore. We clean our hands so often that our bodies don't have to fight them off as much.
Howard played some of the bits that the guys created using audio of Scott the Engineer doing a microphone check. They created an Indian Chant and a techno song among other things. Someone also sent in a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Gwen Stefani's song ''Hollaback Girl.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him what happened to the show because there's no one left on the show. KC and Stuttering John are gone and the guy thinks that it's like just Robin and Howard are left there. Howard didn't get where that was coming from. When KC and John were on the show, people would call in and tell them to get rid of them. Now they're gone and this guy wants them back?
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they did a great song about 20 years ago called ''2 Fingers in Paradise'' and wanted him to play it. Howard said he can't even play that on the air anymore and that's the kind of thing he wants to be able to play when he moves over to SIRIUS. A woman called in after that and said that she disagrees with the guy who called in earlier about the people who work on the show now. She said she loves Richard and Sal. Howard agreed and said he has nothing against KC or John but he likes Sal and Richard and they're one good reason he likes to come in every morning. He later said that they're also the reason he uses a lot of Purell hand sanitizer. He told Robin he would never touch Sal in a million years.
Robin wondered how old that girl was. Howard said she was probably 14 and then said he has a band name idea... ''14 in Arkansas'' since that's the age of consent in the state. Robin thought that ''Age of Consent'' was a good name for a band as well. They had some fun with that and then went to break.
A phone caller asked Howard if it was true he was going to be taking off every Friday when he goes to SIRIUS. Howard said that is true but they're going to have a special show on Friday that will be worth tuning into. He said it's no secret that he'll only have a 4 day week over there. Another phone caller told Howard that he had to give them props for making people laugh every day and how great that is. Another guy suggested that Howard call his channel over at SIRIUS ''Jack Goff'' or have Richard Christy do a show where he interviews porn stars and call that the ''Jack Goff Show.'' Howard said he hasn't really heard a name for his channel that he's into yet.
Sour Shoes the one man band called in and played some Hall & Oates songs for Howard. He took a bunch of requests and played just about everything they asked him to. He even came up with some quick Gary song parodies when he was asked to. Howard stumped him at one time when he asked him to play something he didn't know. Howard had to get going so he hung up on Sour Shoes in the middle of a song.
Artie told a story about being with a woman who was really sexy but she didn't speak English so he had to point to everything and try to communicate with her. He said she was probably about 19 years old and wore braces. Artie was a Long Shoreman at the time and he always cashed his checks and had cash on him. He said that when he did have sex with this girl, he finished in under 30 seconds. He couldn't talk to her after that because she didn't speak english so he just pointed to his clothes, picked them up and walked out. Artie said he's that quick with Dana to this day as well. Howard jokingly said that he's that quick with Dana too. He had Robin get back to her news so they could end the show.
Howard talked to the guys about their new album for a few minutes and then said the guys have agreed to do a contest with the show. He said that what he's thinking of right now is doing a Scores party where people would win the chance to go to Scores with Howard and his crew and have Jon and Richie perform. He said they'll call it the ''Bon Jovi Bukkake Party'' or the ''Bon-Kakke'' party. Howard said he'll work on getting the people for the contest and they'll take it from there.
Howard spoke to Richie about his wife Heather Locklear for a short time also. Howard said he thinks he could have gotten Heather himself a few years ago but he never did. Howard said he took her to Scores one time and they were both drunk but nothing happened. Richie said Howard has taken Heather to Scores more than he has.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls from fans who wanted to talk to the guys. There were also a couple of people who bad mouthed Jon for being a dick when they've met him.
Some dude showed up at the station who wanted to meet the guys so Howard let him come in. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to the guy and then moved on.
Howard played a few short clips from the new album ''Bounce'' which comes out today. Howard then wrapped up the interview and took a break.
Howard also spoke to Carmen about what she's doing today in New York. She's hosting the Hollywood Tans Model Search at the South Street Sea Port in Manhattan at 1pm. She said they'll be picking one woman and one man as winners who will get to be on a Hollywood Tans billboard.
Howard told Carmen that he heard she was pregnant. She said that was just a rumor and it's not true. Howard also heard she had plastic surgery done on her face but that is also false according to Carmen.
Howard and Carmen also talked about Dennis Rodman a little bit. Howard asked her if he's still trying to get her back. Carmen said he doesn't know where to find her because she moved and changed her number. She's now engaged to Dave Navarro but they haven't set a date for their wedding yet. She said she wants to do it the right way this time. She said she wants to have a long engagement then get married and have a kid.
Howard made sure that Carmen gave her phone number to Gary so that he could call her to set up something for tomorrow. He put her on hold and continued to sing his dopey song about her. He also asked everyone how he did asking her to hang out with him. Everyone told him he did just fine. Robin said Carmen only agreed to go out, she hasn't shown up yet.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Wendy the Retard. She sang The Monkees' ''I'm a Believer'' for Howard and then told him a bunch of nonsense before getting off the phone. Howard talked about that nutty woman for a couple more minutes too. (Snipped)
After getting off the phone with Debbie Howard took a couple more phone calls about other stuff. A guy called in and asked Howard if he'd bang actress Brittany Murphy. Howard said she used to be fat and she's been doing a great job at getting thin lately but her head is looking way to big now that she's lost weight. He spent a short time talking about that and took a couple more calls before taking the next commercial break.
Howard said he still can't believe that he lost half his money in that divorce. That led to all of the guys talking about divorce and losing half of their money. Gary said that it really hit home when Howard said that he gave away his future in the divorce. That money was for his retirement. Gary also said he still hears Howard mumbling under his breath that he can't believe he lost half his money. Stuttering John said that Howard must have lost a lot of money. He thought that if he lost half of his money it wouldn't effect him as much as it effected Howard. Gary told him he was nuts and it would effect him even more than Howard. Howard told John that he's going to miss that money when his wife takes it from him. Howard said most guys slack off on the weekends and don't work. John goes out and works on weekends so he's going to miss that money even more if his wife takes half of that.
During that discussion Howard took a call from a guy who has been calling in over the past couple of months complaining that he hasn't gotten a prize he won on the show. Stuttering John came in and told Howard that this guy said he didn't even want the prize a couple weeks ago when he called in. The guy on the phone said he was just kidding when he said that. John and Gary both said that they were looking into what happened to his prize but the guy didn't believe them. He won a cruise on the show recently and this time of year isn't a good time for going on one anyway. Gary and John told Howard that this guy is the guy who wrote the unauthorized biography about him. When Howard heard that he hung up on the guy and said he didn't care what happened with his prize. Adam suggested putting that guy in a dinghy with those kids who disappeared out in the Long Island sound. Howard suggested just throwing him in the water. That led to the guys talking about that story and the latest news about the 911 operator who screwed up and didn't send out any rescue crews to help them.
Howard took another call from a guy who had a divorce story to tell. He told Howard that he had to give up more than 50 percent of his stuff. He said she got the house, the new car and his retirement money from the company he used to work for. Howard and the guys talked about how wrong it is that these women get so much money when they don't work to make that money. Howard suggested that young people who are thinking of getting married should be warned about what can happen if they get divorced.
Stuttering John is under the impression that his wife won't rip him off and take half his money if they ever get divorced. Gary told him that right now she's in this ''cult of John'' and if she ever leaves him she'll be in the cult of friends and lawyers who will tell her to take half. John said if he had asked her to sign a pre-nup in the beginning, she would have thought he was nuts. He told Howard a story about this guy he knows who wanted his fiancee to sign a pre-nup but she refused. He married her anyway and he has tons of money. Howard couldn't understand why anyone would do that.
Howard asked John why he doesn't ask his wife to sign a pre-nup now if he thinks she's not interested in his money. John just laughed and told John to call her for him.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some people bring up divorce horror stories. They brought up the fact that men have created these laws that favor women. Howard said that men are jerks. He took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that the guys who really get screwed are the guys who make under $100,000. He said people who make millions usually make out better and don't have to pay as much as the other people. Howard ended up getting sick of Dominic and hung up on him.
Stuttering John was trying to make a point about something and said that Howard plays the $10 blackjack tables when he gambles. Howard interrupted him and said he plays more than that and he doesn't know what he's talking about. He kicked John out of the studio and got pissed. Gary said when Howard first got divorced he thought he was losing so much money that he didn't think he'd be able to live on what he had left. Howard said it was never that bad though.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that what Howard was trying to say is that if you're stupid enough to get married, you should have to pay. He also said that Howard and Alison needed to get married back when they got married. Howard said he wasn't really even talking about his own marriage and divorce. He wants other people to know what can happen.
Howard ended that discussion and had Robin start her news. Before she got out her first story Howard said he wanted to bring something up. He said there's a trial going on out in New Jersey and the defense lawyer for this guy who allegedly killed his girlfriend's boyfriend, said that he didn't want any Howard Stern fans to be in the jury. His reasoning was that anyone who is a fan of a sexist and racist person like Howard Stern shouldn't be allowed to judge his client. Luckily the judge denied that request and allowed Stern fans in the jury. Howard spent a short time talking about that and then had Robin get to her news.