|Friday||This Week On E!|
Howard started off the show wishing Fred a happy Father's Day. He said he saw Fred pushing his baby's carriage around yesterday. Fred said it couldn't have been him but Howard said it was out in the Hamptons so he could have been right. Howard was driving his car and it was Beth who actually saw him walking. He said that traffic was kind of nuts out there so he couldn't pull over and say hello to him. He said Fred was probably practicing his sounds with his daughter while he was walking her around. Fred said he got a nice card from his daughter and his wife was rehearsing her out in the hall before she came in to wish him a happy father's day. Howard talked about how he was driving his Audi around quite a bit yesterday. He said he really likes that car and hadn't been driving it around that much. He was listening to his ''Eh, eh, eh'' while he was driving around. He was trying to hear the station he works at on his car radio but that wasn't coming in very well out on Long Island. He said he got out to exit 50 and the reception was really bad. He wondered if the people at that company ever try to listen to the station out there. Fred said they probably listen as far as Westchester and no further. Fred said he knows that some people listen to WCCC out on the Island because their signal is stronger than K-Rock's is. Howard said he was complaining about the station coming in so poorly and Beth wasn't listening to him because she was asleep.
Howard had a map of the radio station's signal coverage and tried to find about where he was at. The map was about right according to what Howard could see on the map. Gary wondered about how far it gets into Connecticut because he goes about 10 miles up there and it's gone. Howard read off what it covers and Gary thought it was about right. A listener called in and told Howard about how he loses the signal at about exit 60 on the Long Island Expressway and then he has to hang out the window trying to get reception.
The caller told Howard that he has dated older women but he doesn't think that he could do an 80 year old. He said that his mother has offered him her bed to use if he wants to go out and get laid. He said he really doesn't have much of a social life at this point. Howard told him to read that book which was written by Rodney Rothman. Howard told him he had to get going but the guy was looking to play a game for some money. Gary brought in the Beetlejuice game to play with him for a few bucks. He told the caller he had to guess if Beetlejuice would be able to answer a question the same way twice. Howard played the first question which was ''What does Tom Cruise do for a living?'' Beetlejuice answered ''I don't know'' the first time and the second time. Howard gave the caller the $500 prize even though he guessed wrong. Howard said he seems like a good dude to be making so many sacrifices for his mother.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said he got ''Eh, eh, eh'' for Father's day and he's looking forward to listening to that. Howard said he's not even sure what channel he's going to be on over there yet. The caller also said that he got an oral favor from his wife this morning when he woke up. Howard let the guy go after that. He didn't want to get into it any further for some reason.
Bobo called in and told Howard about Beth being in an ad for the North Shore Animal League on Page Six on Saturday. He said she looked good and Howard said she's been getting into the paper quite a bit lately. Bobo was also talking how dogs are like chick magnets. He said chicks even come up to him in the park when he's got his dog. Howard let him go a short time after that and. He took another call from a guy who brought up SIRIUS and the delay got hit during their conversation. The guy had brought up some of the tuners he was checking out when the delay was hit. Howard went on to talk about how they chewed up the game they played on Friday with the delay button. He said he kept it as clean as he could and they still chopped it up. He said he saw the list of things they hit the button on and it made him sick. He said that they bleep the words oral and anal out whenever they bring it up anymore. Howard said terrestrial radio has just caved into the FCC and they're not willing to go to court over the stuff they get fined over. He said they can't just pay the fines and roll over like they've been doing.
A caller from Canada told Howard that they finally approved satellite radio up in Canada so they'll be able to get them up there. Howard said he won't be blocked up there after Robin asked about that. Howard said he had to cool it with the talk about satellite so he won't be accused of doing an advertisement. The caller can still pull in Howard on WBUF up in Buffalo. Howard said things have gotten pretty weird out there when it comes to his show. He said he'll tell everyone about some of that stuff in a couple of weeks. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard had a bunch of tapes to go through. One of the tapes was Tom Cruise getting squirted in the face with water at the premiere of a movie in London, England. Howard said it's not cool when that kind of stuff happens because it's almost like a sniper taking a shot at the guy. Howard said the guy in the news report made a weird comment about how you can't feel sorry for someone who makes that much money. In the audio clip you hear Tom asking the guy why he would do something like that and telling him it wasn't funny. Cruise said it was incredibly rude and called the guy a jerk a few times and that he should be ashamed of himself. They didn't have the clip with the anchorman on it. Gary said he told Howard that it wasn't the clip with the anchorman but Howard doesn't remember that. Gary swears he made it clear that it was just the tape of Cruise and the guy who sprayed him. Gary said the cool thing was that the publicist found a towel within 40 seconds of Tom getting squirted. Robin heard that there's a show over there in England that does that kind of stuff with celebrities. Howard said that Gary had 20 minutes to get the tape with the anchorman on it and he doesn't believe that he ever told him about the tape. Gary said that he told Howard that there is no announcer on the tape but it was a new line each time he explained it to him so Howard figured he was making it up as he went along. As Gary was defending himself Fred was playing a couple of the many Baba Booey theme songs they have. Howard wondered if they were going to have to sit through the whole report again to get to the end where the anchorman makes his weird comment. He laughed and said that he just can't win. He got the tape but wanted to bail out on the whole thing. He played it anyway. One of the news anchors said that it was kind of hard to feel bad for a guy who makes $20 million a movie. Howard said he'd like to splash that anchorman with water everywhere he goes to see how he feels when it happens to him. Howard said he'd look at someone spraying him in the face with water as an assault and he'd punch them in the face. He said that's what Cruise should have done... either that or he should have just shot him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's glad to have Artie back. He also said that Richard Christy is great and they can't get rid of the guy. Howard doesn't have any plans to get rid of him. The caller said he likes saying some of Richard's lines like ''I like cheesecake'' and stuff like that. The caller also asked to play a Beetlejuice game but Howard didn't have time to get to it, he had to take another break.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who says he works over at SIRIUS and they made some people move so they could build the new studio for him. The guy claims that they made them move to a new floor because of it. Howard said they had to build a new studio to handle the radio show and the TV show. The caller said that they took the satellite uplink equipment and moved it to a new floor. The caller said the new studio will be right next to the studio where Big Pussy from The Sopranos does his show. Howard said he was supposed to have a studio next to the gay channel but that didn't work because of the ceiling height there. Howard had Sal bring in the prank calls that Sal and Richard made to the gay channel over there one day. They both jerked Frank DeCaro around on his show but Frank seemed to enjoy it. Howard got back to the caller and told him he was sorry they had to displace them over there. The caller said that's okay because they're looking forward to Howard coming over there. The caller wished Howard luck and got off the line a short time later. Howard said that they had to move a few people around over there and he feels bad about it but they had to get a studio with high ceilings. They're going to be there for at least 5 years so they might as well build the studio the right way.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked to hear a replay of a prank call that Wood Yi made to a car mechanic. Howard was going to replay it but it wasn't re-cued. He took another call from a guy who brought up Tom Cruise and talked about how nutty the guy seems. The caller seems to think that Cruise is going to bang Katie Holmes for a few months and get divorced from her within a year or so. Howard got the Wood Yi clip cued up and played that for the other caller.
Another caller asked Howard to play the ''Dirty Turbin'' bit that they played last week. Howard said he had a ton of stuff to play today. The caller also asked Howard what happened to KC but Howard didn't give him a straight answer. He said that KC had better get back to work because he's missing. Howard eventually got the clip he was looking for and played it for the caller. Sal and Richard called a chicken place and goofed on the Indian guy who answered the phone by making up names like ''Mitur Binesderty'' and goofing on him about that afterward. They also had a new prank call they made to one of these internet relay operators. They played some clips of Daniel Carver for the operator and she had to repeat after him as she was reading it to the person on the other end. The Daniel Carver stuff was pretty intense but the woman repeated everything they gave her to say. Howard wondered what happened to Daniel lately because they don't hear from him much. Gary said he can go 6 or 7 months without updating his answering machine message.
Howard said he saw some pictures of Jay-Z and Beyonce in the paper sitting on the beach and it seems like they're always on the beach these days. Howard didn't realize he had enough money to do stuff like that but Robin told him that the guy is huge. He was told that the pregnant Playboy Playmate was there and he wasn't even sure why they had her there. She's 6 months pregnant and claims she's only gained 10 pounds. Gary told Howard that she has this move where she has to show her pregnant belly and he's not really into that. Howard played the Beetlejuice song again and then went to break.
Howard said there was a big argument about the White Stripes during the break. He said he knows nothing about the band but Gary was talking about how he likes one of their songs and Scott DePace got upset about that. Howard played a couple of tracks off their album ''Get Behind Me Satan.'' One track, ''My Doorbell,'' annoys Scott a lot. Gary said he was out there crying about it because he hates it so much. Howard didn't think it was that bad. He had another album that they got from Harvey Leeds where they had a bunch of bands covering some old songs. Howard seemed to like the remake of ''Dance to the Music.''
Howard cut off the album and had the guys bring in Playboy Playmate Angel Boris. He said she's 6 months pregnant and showing off the belly. He asked her why she didn't come in before she got pregnant. She was saying that some guys find pregnant women sexy but Howard sure doesn't. Artie said that she's hot but the pregnancy thing is creepy to him. Howard asked her if she knows what she's having. She said it's going to be a boy. Howard said she's lost her waist but Angel said her ass still looks good. Howard said he knows there's a whole fetish thing for pregnant women out there. Angel said that's true but Howard told her that he's not into it. Howard asked her about this DVD that she's in called ''Lost Lake.'' Howard asked her about her acting career and she told him that she was in ''Beverly Hills 90210'' about 10 years ago playing the part of Emma Bennet. Howard watched that show all the time but he didn't sound like he recognized her.
Howard had Angel tell a story about how a guy asked her to be part of an all girl band when she was younger. The guy was a 50 year old guy and he would spend a lot of time working with her around the house and stuff. He gained her parents trust and then one day he said he was going to pick her up from school and do a recording session. The guy ended up taking her to Burger King and told her that the only way he'd be able to work with her was to sleep with her because she was so hot. He was having trouble working with her because he was distracted by her beauty. She was only 16 at the time. Angel said the guy was giving her a big opportunity and agreed to do it because there was going to be a lot of money involved. They went to a hotel room and she ended up crying after he did her. She said he was old and wrinkly to her because she was only 16. Angel said that it went on for quite a while and she never told her parents about it. She said it went on for about a year and then she couldn't take it anymore and stopped it. It was happening about once a week but she couldn't take it. She said she was 13 when she lost her virginity and she had lost it to a family member. She said she's pretty sure she saw her first porno when she was 8 years old. She knew it was wrong at the time but it did turn her on when she saw it. She wouldn't say who showed her the videos though. There was some playing around with that family member. She said he was about 5 years older than she was. She said she still sees him now but they've gone through therapy since then. Things are okay now. Howard wondered if the baby is his. Angel laughed when she heard that.
Howard got back to the story about the 50 year old guy who was banging her. She said she never recorded anything and only rehearsed with the guy the whole time she was with him. Howard said the guy was pretty smart because it only cost him a couple grand and he got to bang her for a year. Angel said she left home at 17 and ended up getting married pretty young. That didn't work out very well though. Howard read some notes on her and found out that she was in Playboy at the age of 21 and she was picked to be in the magazine after she sent in some pictures of herself from when she was a Hawaiian Tropic model. Howard found out she's had relationships with women so he asked her about that. Angel shared some stories about the women she's been with. She told Howard about one girl she went out with who was another bikini model. She said that they started making out with each other and one thing led to another and they got naked. She said that she enjoys sex and the sessions could last about an hour or so. She also told some stories about vibrating herself on a car trip one time but the delay was hit a few times during the discussion.
Howard read that Angel banged Owen Wilson. She said that's true but she didn't date him. They just had sex. Angel claims that he would just call her for booty calls once in a while. They're still friends and Angel isn't sure why he didn't want more from her. Robin said that he's supposedly a big player and goes out with a lot of women. Howard read that she's dated Grant Show and the guy who plays Lex Luthor (Michael Rosenbaum) on ''Smallville.'' None of the guys get attached to her though. Howard read that Matthew Perry asked her out a few times and she turned him down. She said she wasn't into him for some reason. There was also a story about Ben Affleck being a jerk at the Playboy mansion when she was there. She told Howard about what went on that night and how she was joking around with some fake teeth and he was a jerk about it when she smiled at him with the ugly teeth. Angel said that she didn't bang him of course. There were some other stories that Howard read about in her bio. There was one story about her pleasuring herself in the hot tub at a gym. She said there weren't that many people there and the jets in the tub hit her in just the right way.
Howard gave Angel a couple of plugs for the DVD ''Lost Lake'' and started to wrap up the conversation. Then he read that Angel's father had committed suicide about 4 years ago. She said she was very close with her father and he had battled depression and stuff for a while. Howard said ''Uh oh Artie!'' and talked a little bit about Artie's battle with depression. Angel said that she wanted to give Artie a big hug because she thinks he's sweet. Artie was looking forward to that so Howard told him to go ahead and get his hug. Their two bellies met as they hugged. Howard let them hug for a few seconds and then told Artie he was going too long. He wanted to hear one more lesbian story before he ended the interview. Angel told him about a famous woman that she met at an event out in Las Vegas one time. She said she had some fun out at a party one night and ended up kissing and going back to her hotel room. They were drinking quite a bit before going back to the room. Once they got back to the room they started taking each other's clothes off and having some fun with each other. She said they're still friends but they don't get it on anymore. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and went to commercial break.
Howard played a new bit that Richard Christy created. It was a movie commercial parody for ''Dump Man'' which was Tom dumping out of the show all the time. Howard changed subjects and asked Tom if he got to see the new Batman movie. Tom said he was out in Montana and didn't get a chance to see it. That led to them talking about how much money the movie made. Tom also wished Howard, Fred and Gary a happy Father's day.
A listener called in and told Howard a story about how he saw Gwen Stefani down in the Keys over the Memorial Day weekend and she was apparently swimming around with no top on at the pool at the hotel. He claimed that she was hanging out with the band and having some fun with them. Gary asked the guy if he thinks she had implants or not. The guy said that she was pretty small and he doesn't think she's got implants. None of the guys tried to hit on her or anything though. Howard thinks Gwen is really hot and he can't even watch her whole video without getting angry. Gary said that back when her band was first getting started years ago she came up to the office and told him how big of a fan she was of the show. Howard wondered why she wno't do the show then. Gary siad it's probably because he called her fat for 3 years.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Howard to find out why part of the Angel Boris interview was censored out. Howard sadi he was shocked that they hit the delay at all during that interviw. He said that a ''Friends'' episode is more risque than his show is and they don't get fined. Howard wants out of this kind of radio and he wants out now.
Howard said he might do an interview for the magazine later in the year when he makes his move to SIRIUS. AJ told Howard that they had him on one other time for an article about what it feels liek to be struck by lightning and they have a new one about what it feels liek to be a hermaphrodite. AJ told Howard he didn't write it himself because Howard thought he sounded kind of gay. AJ said he's married and he's not gay. He mentioned that he has a nanny so Howard ended up talking about that for a short time. They were talking about how rare it is to find a white nanny. He said he knew a guy who has a lot of money and can afford a white nanny. Howard told AJ that he likes Esquire because they still write regular articles unlike so many of the newer magazines that are out there these days. He said this one article they wrote about him was kind of long and hard to read but he still likes the magazine. He let AJ go a short time later and had to take a commercial break after that. Howard said he had a big day ahead of him so he was going to have Robin start her news after the next break. He has meetings, a shrink appointment and dinner with his oldest daughter. He said he has to get a nap in there somewhere.
During the news Howard took a bunch of phone calls. One guy said that he ended up kicking his girlfriend out of his house when he found that she was recording Oprah Winfrey, Dr. Phil and crap like that on his TiVo. Another caller said that SIRIUS has a 3 day free trial for those fans who want to check out the service before they buy a tuner. Howard said he wasn't aware of that. Another guy said that he just found out that his 16 year old daughter is pregnant and he's not sure how to handle it because he's divorced from the girl's mother. Howard told the guy to tell the kid to get an abortion today because she's ruining her life. Howard spent a few minutes trying to help the guy out with what he should do with the kid. The 16 year old is 5 months pregnant so Artie and Robin told him that it might be too late for an abortion but Howard said that it's not too late. He said that the guy can talk to the daughter about how she plans on taking care of this baby and try to talk her out of keeping it without being a bully. Howard had Robin finish up her news and they ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show talking about being out late last night with his daughter Emily. They went out for a father's day dinner at Nobu. He said he's never there during the week and didn't get home until 8:30 which is late for him. Artie pointed out that it's still light out at that time of night though. Howard's daughter gave him a book that she thought he'd like but he couldn't remember the name of it. The book was written by the sister of one of her friends from high school. He sounded pretty impressed that the kid wrote the book. Howard had a bunch of meetings during the day that weren't that pleasant. He said he hates the business side of his career. Howard said he got into the business to be on radio but he hates when these meetings come around. He talked about how his life seems to be going by in a blur.
Howard mentioned that he had a weird dream last night where Imus and Johnny Carson made an appearance. He said that he and Robin had gone to visit Imus for some reason. He said the whole thing was really bizarre. His father was in the dream and Johnny Carson didn't like him for some reason so he had to move his father's chair. He didn't tell Carson who the guy was in the dream. Artie wondered if Howard tells his shrink about stuff like that. Howard ended up talking to Artie about his shrink since he went to see him yesterday. Artie said that the therapy is helping him out a lot and he's not sure that the medication has kicked in yet. Artie said he feels relieved after telling the shrink his problems. Artie said he was very cynical about the whole thing until he actually went. Both Artie and Howard are seeing male shrinks. Howard said he'd be way too distracted to go to a female shrink. He knows one woman who's a therapist and she's way too hot. He said he'd be telling her his dreams about doing her and stuff like that.
Howard brought up his daughters again and said how great they are. He said it was a great idea to have the kids because they turned out so great. That led to Robin talking about how she's never had kids and she doesn't regret it at all. That led to Robin talking about having her family over to her house recently. She said that her mother walked into her house over the weekend and said ''You're blessed'' which Robin said made her want to wring her neck. Robin thinks that she's basically saying that she's done nothing to deserve what she's got and it pisses her off. She also complained about her mother saying grace and how she seems to have turned into a Baptist minister when she says grace. Robin said she was asking God to bless everything when she said grace. Howard and Artie had some fun goofing on that for a couple of minutes. Robin said she was going on and on so long that she just had to blurt out ''Amen'' to make her stop. She was also saying that her mother gets to a point where she can't even talk anymore because of what she's seeing in her home. She said she just starts humming when she runs out of words. Howard had to take his first break a short time after Robin's story.
Gary told Howard that he read that actress Scarlett Johansson backed out of doing the next ''Mission Impossible'' movie because Tom Cruise apparently tried to get her into the whole Scientology thing. That led to the guys talking about the religion and how strange Tom Cruise seems to be. Gary also talked about how they tried to convert him when he was in college and ended up calling him every day for weeks after he gave them his phone number to get out of taking a meeting with them. Gary also said he read that Katie Holmes isn't going to be invited back to do the sequel to ''Batman Begins.''
Howard wondered if they were going to see ''Fantastic 4'' today or not. No one was sure about that. Howard talked about the movie for a minute and how Michael Chiklis is playing the part of The Thing. Robin said she likes him as an actor and she's looking forward to seeing the movie. Robin mentioned that her boyfriend wonders why Batman's mouth is exposed in the outfit he wears. Howard said that maybe he's gay and has to have oral with guys or something like that.
Howard said he a letter from a guy who wants to bring this chick in to get naked for them. He said she's got a killer body after looking at her picture. He said that her face wasn't all that great but the body was. He told Gary to get her in there to do some Butt Bongo on her before he leaves terrestrial radio. He went to break right after that.
Bobo called in and said that he read that the E! show might be canceled. Howard said he can't say what's going on yet and he needs a week or two before he can talk about what's been going on with that. Howard said he's been with E! for more than 10 years now and he'll tell everyone his plans for his future on TV later on. He said he's got a great story to tell but he can't talk about it at this point. His contract is coming to a close and he needs a week or two before he'll talk about it. Howard said that the original E! shows will stop airing on E! in two weeks and that's it because his contract will be up. Bobo wondered if E! will lock up those shows like WWOR did with his shows years ago. Howard said he learned his lesson and that won't happen this time.
Howard asked Robin Radzinski to come in and tell them when their last new E! show will air. Radzinski said that the last new show will be taped on July 1st and the last new episodes will air during the week of July 4th. After that they may be running reruns of the show. Howard said you never know what will happen after that.
Howard took another phone call after talking about his E! show. A listener asked to sing along to the Beetlejuice song that they've been playing lately. Howard didn't expect it so it took a minute for him to get set up to let the guy sing along. He played Beetlejuice's original song first and then let the caller try to sing it. The caller was doing pretty good getting the lyrics right but there was one tough part where it all fell apart. The caller said he's been singing it because he can't get the song out of his head. Howard said that he can't get it out of his head either and they had one of those internet relay operators read the lyrics and then they put it to music. He played the audio of that and it was pretty funny. Howard gave the caller a $500 prize for singing along to the song.
Howard explained Kathy's new show ''I Want to be a Hilton'' and how they take 14 people and try to turn them into socialites. Howard thinks the show is flawed because Kathy's daughter Paris isn't exactly the ideal daughter. Howard wondered why people would want to be trained by Kathy if her daughter is out doing the crazy things she's doing. Kathy talked about her daughter being in the press and how she thinks that if someone doesn't have something nice to say, they shouldn't say anything at all. She was referring to Rick Solomon who put out that sex tape of theirs. Howard asked her if she watched that home sex tape. Kathy said she didn't watch it. Howard said that Paris became pretty famous after that tape came out so maybe Kathy should put one out. She got a few laughs out of that.
Howard talked about Nikki Hilton a little bit as well and brought up how she went out and got married without any notice. He said that's another daughter that isn't exactly doing things in a normal way. Howard pointed out the flaw in Kathy's show again when they talked about that. Howard asked Kathy about Paris and Nicole's relationship. He heard that Nicole showed Paris' sex tape one night to a group of people and that's why they're fighting right now. Kathy said ''no comment'' when Howard asked her if that's the reason for their fight. Howard said that wasn't a nice thing to do and Kathy said that they'll eventually make up and get over the fight.
Howard asked Kathy about her relationship with her husband Rick. He wondered if Rick is the first guy she's ever been with. She said ''of course'' and seemed kind of embarrassed by the questioning. She asked Howard if his mother knows he asks these questions. Howard told her that he asked his own mother what position she was in the night he was conceived. Kathy tried to change subjects and brought up her show that's airing tonight at 9 on NBC. Howard wondered why she wants this show at all because she doesn't need the money. She kept saying ''why not?'' when Howard would ask her about it. He said it seems like she's just looking to be famous.
Gary told Howard that Kathy wanted to get on The Tonight Show but Leno wouldn't book her if she didn't bring her daughter Paris with her. Kathy said she doesn't have a problem with that and she likes Jay. Howard asked Kathy a few more questions about her sex life and if she's ever done a black guy or anything like that. She said she's never done that and she met her husband when she was 15 years old. She said she's had dates with other guys but didn't say she had sex with anyone else. Howard kept digging but she wasn't giving up much info. Howard asked her if she's ever given up the third input. She said she'd a fun person but wouldn't say exactly what that meant.
Howard gave Kathy a plug for her show and asked her a few questions about the homes they own. Kathy said the only have 2 homes but they do vacation in Hawaii and stay in nice hotels when they're not at home. Howard wrapped up the interview and told Kathy he remembers that she had great cans. He said he remembers that from when he met her out in the Hamptons. Kathy told Howard she was off to do the Today Show and The View later this morning. Howard and Robin said they'd watch the show tonight and let Kathy go.
Howard said if he was the producer of the show, he'd get someone like Mike Tyson and try to ''Hiltonize'' him. He said it would be like trying to tame Mighty Joe Young with him. Howard and Robin both said they'd check out Kathy's show. They spent a few minutes goofing around with the Mike Tyson thing before Howard had to take a break.
Howard mentioned that John the Stutterer was on the show the other day and they got a call from this woman who said she could help hook him up with one of these devices that could help him stop his stuttering. Then they got a message from John the other day where he told them that he's in the darkest depths of depression and how he wanted to jump in front of a subway. John doesn't want to meet with the speech therapist to get the anti-stuttering device because he doesn't think it'll change anything for the positive. Howard said you'd think that he'd like to just make a phone call without draining himself and just get the anti-stuttering thing. Artie said that maybe he's afraid to take off the shackles of the stuttering because he might have to go out and get a job and live a normal life instead of staying home. Robin said they could fix his stutter and send him to the MTV show where they'd make him look like Brad Pitt. She said she feels bad for him and they should take him and make him get the device. Howard played more of his call but he couldn't take it anymore and bailed out on it. He went on to play an internet relay chat bit they did with John where he stuttered up a storm trying to get his messages back to the other person. John brought up the operator during the call so she had to tell him to leave her out of it.
Howard brought up some fat celebrities who have gotten their stomachs stapled to get thin and how he hates that because they haven't worked to get thin. That led to Artie asking if Dominic Barbara has stayed thin since his stomach operation. Howard said that Dominic tells him that he's still thin but he hasn't seen him lately.
Howard read through some e-mail he got about some comments he made yesterday about getting an abortion at 5 months. Howard said that everyone has been brainwashed by the religious right and 6 months should be the cut off for abortions. He said that the amount of unwanted children in this world is out of control and there should be more abortions. Howard read through some other e-mail about the Playmate who was on the show yesterday. One person said that her face looked busted. Howard checked out the picture and said she looks hot. That led to Howard talking about Gwen Stefani again. He said he thinks she's really hot but Robin told him that she's not hot and her hair and big red lips are ugly. Howard got some mail about the comments he made about the White Stripes yesterday. One writer said that Howard should have them on the show but Howard said that they have to want to be on the show, he can't just kidnap them.
Robin started her news after that. During the news Howard was talking about his relationship with Beth and how they never really fight. King of All Blacks called in a little later and asked Howard if that could be true. Howard said they have had some arguments about a few things but not that many. King also said that he saw a picture of Beth in the paper today and she's wearing a big ring on her left hand. Howard said he bought that ring for her but it's not an engagement ring. King said it looks that way whether or not it means they're engaged. King changed subject and said that he was in a spa the other day and there was a woman there with only one foot. He wondered if a woman should pay full price for a pedicure if she's missing a foot. Howard said they shouldn't charge full price if you only have one foot. He told King that he should go there and try to get just one foot pedicured and see if they charge him full price.
Howard interrupted the news to talk about chickens because Benjy had told him that their waste and eggs come out of the same place. They spent a few minutes trying to figure out if Benjy was telling the truth or not but the delay was hit a few times during the discussion. That led to the guys talking about how humans should be the same way, that way things would be easier all around.
Late in the show Howard took a call from a caller who was doing a bit as Don Imus' son Wyatt. He was singing a song to the tune of ''On the Road Again'' and singing about how he can't wait to get off the cancer ranch. Howard let the guy go on for about 30 seconds before he hung up on him.
Later on Howard and the guys were talking about Howard's office and how he just takes a nap in there on his couch. He said he doesn't really have anything to do in the office other than napping because of the kind of show he's doing. That led to them goofing around about how if he did have meetings, it would probably be with someone like Dan the Farter or Mr. Methane. Howard said that he's not sure they can even have Mr. Methane on the show anymore because Tom wouldn't approve. Tom came in a short time later and said he doesn't have a problem with Mr. Methane but if he did fart too long and wet, he would have to hit the delay on it. That led to the guys talking about why they can't have people farting on other people in the studio. Howard thinks that Tom just made that rule up and there's no rules from the FCC that say they can't have people farting on each other. Howard had a meeting to get to so he ended that conversation and had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard started off the show asking if Cabbie was still around because he wanted to talk to him about something. He said that one of his employees took a picture of a huge movement that was left in a toilet there at the station and they claim that they saw Cabbie walk out of the stall. Howard said it doesn't look very healthy and when he showed it to Robin, she said it looks like a small dog. Artie did his impression of Cabbie and said that it was actually his Jack Russell terrier that he carries around with him. Howard was also saying that Cabbie is sporting a mohawk hair cut these days. He wondered what he should do with the picture he had. He thought about posting it on his web site. Howard said he avoids going to the bathroom there at the station.
Cabbie called in and defended himself saying that no one could have seen him do something like that. J.D. came in and told Howard that he and Cabbie are the only two people there overnight so it had to be him. Cabbie said that no one saw him do it and he shouldn't be saying that he did if he didn't actually see him do it. Cabbie's cell phone cut out so Howard asked J.D. what he saw. He told Howard that he had used the bathroom earlier in the morning and had actually cleared that toilet. Then Cabbie used the bathroom so it had to have been him. Cabbie called back and insisted that he didn't do it. He said he went to the bathroom before he went to work last night and didn't do it there at the station. J.D. and Cabbie went back and forth for a short time. Artie said that he can't imagine why they'd think that a guy who has a mohawk and uses ''crazy'' in his name would make a doody at work. Artie went into his impression of Ed Torian the lie detector guy asking Cabbie if he made a doody at work. Howard asked J.D. if the doody was still there but Gary chimed in and told him it was still there. Howard asked him to go in and take a sample of the doody so they could have it tested to find out whose it was. Sal the Stockbroker came in so Howard asked him to get the sample. Sal said he didn't want to do it until Howard said he'd go out to lunch with him. Howard was just pulling his leg though and wasn't actually going to take him out to lunch. Howard said this is such a stupid show, he's asking to take a sample of his doody.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if there was any toilet paper in the toilet. Howard told the guy he could check it out on his web site if he wanted to see for himself. The caller also mentioned that he had seen the episode of his E! show where they showed the hemorrhoids and someone he knows threw up when she saw it. Howard told the guy that the episode is available, uncensored, through his web site.
Howard said that it's so hard to communicate with J.D. because of the way he talks. Robin said that he still doesn't see the similarities between himself and Napoleon Dynamite. J.D. came back in so Howard asked him to do his impression of Napoleon. It's not too far of a stretch since he sounds so much like him. Howard had J.D. explain himself again as to why he thinks that it was Cabbie who left the doody in there. Howard wondered if it could have been Scott the Engineer. Scott came in a short time later and said that he swears on the life of his son that it wasn't him. They were still talking about taking a DNA sample from Cabbie so they can find out if it was really Cabbie or not. Gary told Howard that Sal was in the bathroom taking the sample as they spoke. The E! crew had video of that so Howard could see it happening. Howard said he couldn't watch it but there were so many TVs in the studio that he wasn't able to escape it. Howard said he still thinks that it was Cabbie and J.D. is right on the money.
Howard had audio of Sal going into the bathroom and trying to get his sample. He had a prop spear that was used on the E! show and a fork attached to that. Howard watched as he took the sample and dropped part of it. Sal was gagging and choking as he took the sample. Howard said that took guts and took one for the team. Sal brought it into Gary's office and Gary said he was going to kill him if he took it in there. Gary told him to get out of there with that and ended up throwing the spear back at Sal. Gary came in and said that you can't stick doody in your bosses face. Howard said that Gary had grabbed the spear out of Sal's hand and threw it at him like a real spear.
Howard had audio of Sal heaving and gagging after that. Sal was so grossed out by it that he was about to puke. The sound that came out of him was pretty intense. Sal came in and said they put it in a cup and when he saw it, he gagged. He said that Will took the cup and put it in his face when he was trying to get away from it and almost puked. Jason came in as they were talking about it and tried to put it in his face again. Sal said that they finally found his Kryptonite. Howard told Sal that they will need to get a sample of Cabbie's DNA from his cheek to test him out. He thought that they were going to have to get samples from everyone. Howard told the guys that they had to take a break and that wasn't the real start to the show.
Howard read that Eleanor Mondale is ill right now and she used to come on the show years ago. He said that she's been diagnosed with brain cancer. She just got married last week and she'll be undergoing chemotherapy in the near future. Howard said he didn't know what happened to her because she seemed to have a bit of a career going for a while. Artie said that she was kind of cute and did some good interviews on the show. Howard said he's going to try and get in touch with her.
Howard said he saw a picture of Cameron Diaz in the paper where she's walking out of the water with a surf board. He said he'd work her over really good if he could have sex with her. They spent a few minutes talking about her and then about Lindsay Lohan. Howard brought up a story about how Lindsay walked out of a premiere of her movie ''Herbie Fully Loaded'' because a song she recorded for the movie was put in the credits. She apparently ran out as soon as she heard it playing in the credits. Howard wondered if she knows that she can't sing. Fred played a clip of her performing at an event earlier this year where she sounded pretty horrible. Howard said she only sounds good when her back up singers are singing over her. He also said that she's got the right to be screwed up because her father is such a mess. There's also an article about her uncle getting in trouble for mail fraud. Howard read the story that says he allegedly forged some names on checks that were sent in for some 9/11 relief fund.
Artie talked about some of the basketball games he's been watching lately and how good the games have been. Howard said that he might watch the games but Gary told him that tip off isn't until 9:20 or something like that. Howard got back to the Runaway Bride story and spent some more time talking about how wacky she and her fiancee are. They both came off horribly during the interview. The fiancee had to go through quite a bit of stuff when she ran away because the cops thought that he could have bumped her off. Howard said you can tell the whole family is nuts because they had 600 people invited to the wedding and the bride had already had 3 showers. Howard said the chick claims she can't handle the pressure but he seems to think that she just wants attention. Jason came in and said that she was so wacky that she bought her bus ticket a week before she actually ran away. She planned to do it ahead of time. Howard had some audio from the interview so he played that and talked a little bit about Katie Couric's balding head. The guys talked about the Runaway Bride's wacky thoughts on what went on and goofed on her a little bit. There was one clip where the Runaway Bride asked that people call her Jennifer instead of ''Runaway Bride.'' She was also saying that she doesn't want all of this attention but she was on national network TV.
Howard mentioned that Steve O has called them and asked to do the final E! show because he could make it pretty crazy. Artie said that he saw Steve O and his buddies on ''Wild Boys'' and they were in the middle of a jungle just letting a bunch of red ants bite them for no good reason at all.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said she can't believe that the E! show is ending. She loves seeing the show after hearing it on the radio. Howard said that Robin Radzinski told him that their show isn't just number one on E!, it's also number 2, 3 and 4 on the network. He said he wasn't kidding about that either. Howard told Mariann that they are moving to satellite and there are changes that are going to occur. Mariann cut him off so he had to hang up on her.
Howard got back to the tapes from the WCBS protest. Sal asked the unusual sounding woman some questions about Cousin Brucie's bald head and if she thinks that he has hair on his balls. She asked him to go away and not talk to her after that. There were some clips of other people talking about missing Cousin Brucie. One guy said he's already purchased a SIRIUS satellite radio since Brucie moved over there. He said he loves the new unit because he's got his 50's music back now. Richard Christy asked a guy a couple of questions about Cousin Brucie and then threw in ''Have you ever crapped your pants after farting?'' The old guy didn't like the line of questioning and only wanted to talk about the deejays that were taken away from them. Sal asked a woman about Cousin Brucie being taken off and then asked her if she's offended that she's old and they call Brucie's show ''the oldies.'' Then he asked her if she thinks that Brucie still has control of his bowels? Sal also asked her what she thought of Howard Stern. She said she doesn't like his language. Howard took a break a short time later.
Howard had the guys bring in porn star Jessica Jaymes after that. Howard said she's working on a new movie called ''Desperate House Whores.'' Howard told Jessica that she looks classy today. She's Richard Christy's favorite and Howard could see why when she came in. Jessica told Howard about how she stays healthy by getting colonics once a month. She said it's healthy to have that done and it works for her. She was telling Howard how she sees stuff come out of her that she ate the week before. Howard said they must go nuts at the place where they give her the colonic. Jessica said she's only had women help her out when she goes. She went on to tell Howard about how they prepare her for the colonic and how she lays on her side and grabs a bar to hold onto while they do it. She said they lube you up and grab on to the pole because it's kind of painful. Robin said that it wasn't that painful for her. Jessica told Robin that she can only hold 25 seconds of water going in while some people can take 60 seconds. She said that the tube gets inserted and then they turn on the water and keep it going for about 25 seconds. Howard had more questions but Jessica wanted to get off of that subject. She said that they have a tube that you watch as they're flushing you out and you can see the stuff flowing out. Jessica said she likes to watch that because there's some interesting stuff that comes out. She said the first time she went in the stuff that came out was like charcoal. Howard said that Robin discovered oil when she had hers done and she's part of OPEC.
Howard changed subjects and gave Jessica a couple of plugs for her movies ''The Porn Identity'' and ''Taboo 9'' which are available at Hustler.com. That led to Howard talking to her about passing out at a Lakers basketball game recently. Jessica said that she was drugged by someone who put GHB in her drink. She doesn't know who did it but it was someone up in the sky box at the game. She said that whoever did it didn't get her because the ambulance came and took her away. Howard wanted to talk to her more about that but she didn't want to go there for some reason.
Howard said that Jessica Jaymes is the woman who was at a bachelor party for Nick Lachey and that's what led to Jessica Simpson getting very upset with him. Jessica told Howard that she didn't do anything with Nick at the party though. She also told Howard that she ran into them recently at a party. She said that Jessica didn't have a problem with her when she saw her there. Howard changed subjects once again and told Richard to come in so they could play the game they were going to play. Richard came in and told Jessica what a fan of hers he is. He likes the movie ''The Porn Identity'' and described some scenes to Howard.
Howard told Jessica that Richard would like to do some stuff to her. He had a bunch of questions for Richard and if he could answer them correctly he'd get to do something like pull down her shirt and squeeze her breasts. She was fine with that. Then he suggested that he could lay on top of her in his underwear while she's naked on the couch. She thought that he wouldn't be able to get them right and he'd never make it that far so she was ready to go. Howard told Richard that if he got any wrong answers, he would have to meet Captain Sack which was Sal the Stockbroker in a leotard with a whole in it around his crotch. Sal would give him a ''bandit mask'' after giving him a chocolate tea bag.
Jessica said she knew that this was love on Richard's part because she's seen Captain Sack and knows what he might have to go through. After that Howard asked Richard a question about a porn star and he was able to answer it correctly so he got to fondle Jessica's breasts. Richard went over to her and pulled down her top and felt her up. Howard said that women don't like the way Richard feels their breasts. Richard said that he liked what he was feeling. Howard cut him off and told him to go back to where he was before that. Howard asked him another question about Jessica and he got that one right so he got to squeeze her buttocks. Richard went over and grabbed her naked ass. She said that felt very nice. Richard asked if he could touch a breast while he did that. She told him he could do that if he answered the next question correctly. Howard moved on and asked Richard another question about Jessica. Richard knew the answer to that one as well so he got to go over and spank her ass. He asked her to say ''Please spank me... To hell with Captain Sack'' as he was doing it. Howard said that the next question was going to be the big one. If Richard answered it correctly, he would get to lay on her while she's naked and he's in his underwear. Howard asked Richard a question that stumped him. He wasn't able to answer it so it was time for Captain Sack to do his thing.
Howard had Richard lay on the floor while Sal dipped his sack in chocolate so he could give him the bandit mask. Richard was groaning as Sal demanded that he repeat after him. Sal sat on his face and Artie asked ''What are we doing?'' over and over again. While that was going on the delay was hit multiple times. Richard couldn't see after that because he had so much chocolate on his face. Sal also squirted some mayonnaise on him which grossed him out. Artie wondered what was gayer, giving or receiving that. Howard wasn't sure. Jessica said that what just went on was very wrong. Howard gave her a couple more plugs for her movies and for her web site JessicaJaymes.com. Howard wrapped up after that and thanked ''Captain Sack'' for coming in. He went to break right after that.
Howard took a couple more calls after that. Irish John asked Howard if he would ever develop his own cable channel when he moves to satellite. Howard told him that he doesn't have any announcements yet. He said the E! show is ending on July 8th and he may have something to announce after that. Another caller told Howard that the latest Jessica Simpson video is pretty hot. He'd also mentioned Gwen Stefani during the call so Howard read some mail that they got about Robin's comments about her during yesterday's show. Robin changed her tune today and said that she really is beautiful because she saw her in her video for ''Hollaback Girl.'' There were some people that agreed with Robin about her being ugly but Robin had changed her mind and said she looks good in her video. Howard said he can't make it through her video without pleasuring himself.
Howard read some more e-mail. One person said that they don't want any more Gary in the studio and that Doug Goodstein should be in there more often because he's one of the best looking guys on the show. There was some feedback about the Mike Tyson stuff they were doing after the Kathy Hilton interview yesterday. There were some people who didn't like Kathy Hilton when she called in yesterday. Howard read some of that mail and then took a call from Ralph who wanted to talk about Gwen Stefani. He said she's not that hot to him because she doesn't have breasts and she's really annoying when she's interviewed. Howard said it's not all about that, it's about the sexy way she moves when she's on stage and stuff like that. He and Ralph ended up talking about Batman cartoons and how Howard has to hide when he watches them because he doesn't want Beth to discuss them with him. Howard said that his friend Pat wants to come over to his place to watch ''The Godfather'' movies on his big screen but he doesn't want to sit there for hours and hours watching them with him.
Howard said that Ralph must be feeling bad because he gets paid by the E! people. Ralph said he's only getting a week's severance pay though. He thinks that Howard is such a workaholic that he'll have some other job for him. Howard said that he was thinking about this new Sugar Ray album that's coming out because he's going to get paid royalties on it since the song he wrote, ''Psychedelic Bee'' is on it. He's going to be getting eight and a half cents per CD sold and he realizes that he can't do math because he couldn't figure out if he'd make $80 or $80,000 if they sold a million albums. Howard said he had tape of Mark McGrath from the band talking about the song and about Stern. Mark and the band were saying that if they hadn't gotten on Howard's show years ago, they may not have ever made their second album. There was another report where a reporter announced that one of their songs was written by Howard Stern.
Howard got back to the mail and brought up Kathy Hilton again and then read some mail they got about chickens after they discussed them on the show yesterday. That led to Howard and Robin talking about the chickens crapping out their eggs for a few minutes. Howard whipped through some other mail. There was one person who wondered what's up with Jillian Grace. Howard said they have to find out what she's up to. There was another e-mail about Gary's wheezing on the air lately as well. Gary came in and told Howard that they have the ratings from last night's TV shows. They were wondering about Kathy Hilton's show and how well that did. Howard got side tracked when he started to talk about Saddam Hussein and the war in Iraq. He's still saying that it would be best if they put Saddam back in power over there because he's the only one that seems to be able to control the people over there. Robin said there's an argument for the other side that says that Iraq has become the center of terrorism and not just for the United States. They have to keep trying to clean up the problem so it doesn't work it's way here.
Gary got back to the ratings and gave Howard some more info. They spent a couple more minutes talking about that and about some of the TV shows that were on last night. That led to them talking about a tribute to George Lucas and how he seems to avoid everyone from the past Star Wars movies unless they have something going on. He'll sit at the same table as Harrison Ford but Mark Hammil is sitting at a table in the back of the room. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's in bed with a celebrity and he wanted Howard and the guys to guess who it was. Robin asked him if she's an A-list star. The guy said she is an A-list celeb. Then the guy said something about the show sucking now and how they were wasting his time with this call. Howard figured he was full of it and didn't have a chick there at all. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Howard that he thinks Steve is a funny guy and he respects all comedians. Sal said he was on the Kidd Chris show back when the Last Comic Standing thing was on TV. He said he joked around about Dat Phan and ended up going on Kidd's show with Dat Phan and had some fun goofing on him. He doesn't kow why Steve is so mad at him and won't even shake his hand. Sal said that he makes fun of all races and that's what happens in comedy sometimes. He said he's sorry that Steve is so upset that he was making fun of Asians but he was making fun of Dat Phan's whole act. Sal said that if he did offend him then he did his job because comedy isn't supposed to be safe. Steve didn't sound impressed by what Sal was saying. Sal told him that he isn't riding the coat tails of the show like he thinks and he's working his ass off. He said it's actually harder to get a job while he's working on the show.
Sal told Howard that Steve's e-mail to him was kind of touching to him and he really respects the guy. The guys wanted to know what the jokes were that Sal was saying during the Kidd Chris interview. Sal said he couldn't remember exactly what it was and it may not have even been jokes, it was just the whole conversation that they were having. Howard ended up getting bored with the conversation so he was going to wrap it up. Sal said he might have to throw in some Asian jokes to liven it up a bit and threw in the word ''chinks'' as he was leaving.
Howard read about a show that Steve did on an AM station one time and had the host trying to do some homosexual stuff with him. Steve told Howard that he had just broken up with his girlfriend back then and the guy offered to give him a drive home. He was also suggesting some self-help books that some of his guests had given him. Steve said they went back to the guy's place to get the books and he saw some books like ''A Man and his Penis'' and ''Bobby, Jeff and Jack'' on the guy's shelf but didn't think much about it. Then the radio host came in dressed in a tank top. Steve said he got the books and then the guy told him he cares about him. Then he asked him for a hug which Steve thought was odd but figured he was just a nice guy. He went in for the hug and felt the guy's hands getting tighter on his back. Then the guy whispered in his ear that he loves him. Steve didn't know what to say at that point. He ended up thanking him for the books and left. He thought about how he might have to hit the guy if he tried to hold him there. Howard said that it could have gone worse and the guy could have handcuffed him and held him there.
Howard said he heard a story about how Craig Gass asked to stay at his house for a couple of days and ended up staying there for four months. Steve said Craig never offered to pay rent or anything. He was saying that Craig has been pulled over so much that his car ends up getting repossessed and he can't get around so he has to stay with him. He told Howard that Craig was going to some classes to get his license back but it turned out he was going to the wrong class and asked to stay for another 3 months. Craig took him out to dinner one night but didn't pay for the food, Steve did. He also told Howard that Craig had turned on a space heater in his house and almost burned down his house. Craig is still out in California and he may still stay at his house. Steve told the guys about how he's got a homeless guy living under his house and he and his other room mate talked about how they could clean it out for Craig to live in. Steve said he lives out in Venice on the beach. Howard had to take a break after that. He gave Steve a plug for some gig he has out at The Punch Line in San Francisco next month. You can find out more at Steve's web site SteveByrneLive.com.
Howard started off the show talking about how early he was up this morning. He said he was up at quarter to three this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. He's in a fog today because of it. He said he has a busy day coming up today as well so it's not going to be easy for him. Robin said it's even worse when you do fall back asleep and then your alarm goes off minutes later. Howard asked her if she watched that dance show he likes. He said he was watching it and Kelly Monaco was just about losing her top and he thinks he saw a beaver shot because the show was live. He was also talking about how Rachel Hunter got kicked off the show. Howard didn't think she was a very good dancer but Robin said she thinks that Kelly Monaco wasn't all that great. Howard said he thinks that she is a good dancer in his opinion.
Howard said he watched his girlfriend Beth on the Donny Deutsch show. He thinks that Donny really likes beth and has to put him down on the show. He was asking Beth about dating an ugly guy like Howard Stern. That led to Howard talking about Snapple and how they've decided to put a giant ice pop in a park in the city the other day and it melted causing a bunch of people to slip and fall in the remnants of the ice. Howard said that Donny Deutsch's advertising agency was behind that whole thing. Robin said that Donny isn't the only one in love with Beth, she thinks that Gary is also in love with her. Gary came in and said that he thinks that Donny is trying to sabotage Howard's relationship with Beth by asking her questions and almost trying to steal her away on TV. Howard had some audio clips from the interview so everyone could hear Donny asking her about what would happen if they broke up and started dating other people. Donny also asked her about Howard's looks. Howard said Beth told him that Donny talks about how much he likes the show when they're off the air but then they
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how popular his WWOR show was years ago and how he was beating Saturday Night Live in the ratings when they would put on new programs. They were the biggest hidden secret on TV back then and he liked that he didn't have any help from his lead in which was the Channel 9 news. Robin told Howard that John Mainelli has to worry because if he's not around, he won't have anything to write about.
Double A called in and said that Donny Deutsch is a jerk for talking about Howard that way because the only person he has to worry about stealing beth away is Double A. Double A also told Howard about going to see Jim Breuer at a comedy show last night and spent a few minutes talking to him before the show. He said Jim told them that they have no idea what they're in for when they move over to the new place. Artie said that Jim is going to be in his movie ''Beer League.'' Howard said it sounds like they're going to have a few stars in the movie. Artie said they have Jim Breuer, Laurie Metcalf, Joey G and Nick Turturro. Howard thought that Double A had gone up to SIRIUS to see Jim but Double A told him that he was actually down at the Stress Factory comedy club to see him.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered how they're going to run the show when they move to satellite. The guy wondered if they're going to rerun the show for the West Coast. Howard said he talked to Mel Karmazin about that and no one was sure what they were going to do. Howard said they may have 3 different feeds so the whole country could tune in at various times to hear the show running.
Howard talked about his addiction to sex and how he discovered that when he was in therapy after his divorce. He had to cut down and settle down with one woman. Howard asked Artie if he would give up drinking if he had to choose between sex and drinking. Artie said he'd probably have to choose sex over booze. Howard had to take a break a short time after that.
Howard said they made a great prank call using clips of Mike Walker from the National Enquirer that they pulled from when he calls in and plays his gossip game. Howard started to play the call but he hadn't re-cued it so it was in the middle. He said he thought that he'd re-cued it but he was kind of groggy so he must not have done it. He got it fixed and played the call where they called a guy named Howard and had Mike asking the guy about rumors that he's gay. They'd play a bunch of his laughs and the guy on the phone would laugh along with him. They were almost doing a dueling banjos thing with the laughter at one point. The guy on the phone told ''Mike'' that he was going to hang up on him because he really didn't know him. The laughter continued even after the guy got off the phone. Howard played a Mike Walker song parody where they inserted his laughs into the Chicken Dance music.
Howard had the Top 5 songs to play. He played clips of each song from artists that included 50 Cent, Black Eyed Peas, Gwen Stefani, Mariah Carey and Carrie Underwood. Robin sounded very surprised that American Idol winner Carrie Underwood had the number one song. Howard played a couple minutes of that song and said that she's going to have a big career. Gary came in and said that he read an article about Bo Bice talking about how he was praying that he wouldn't win the American Idol contest. That led to the guys talking about how Bo Bice is signed to the record label that all American Idol contestants are signed to. Howard played a new song parody where they had clips from old lady porn put to the tune of The Who's ''My Generation.'' He had to take another break right after that.
Howard said he tuned in to the Bill O'Reilly show the other night and he was wearing some heavy makeup. He said that he had a bunch of eye liner on and it was pretty disturbing. He was also pushing his products on his show which was pretty tacky in his opinion. Howard said it comes across as being desperate. He talked about how the guy is trying to make as much money as possible by selling t-shirts and stuff like that. Scott DePace from E! came in and said he heard Bill pushing his book on his show by reading an e-mail from someone who asked how to get a copy of his book with his autograph in it.
Jeff the Drunk called in to tell the guy he sounds like a pedophile. Robin sarcastically said that they must have missed that. Howard ended up talking to Jeff about his new car and if he's been driving that around. Jeff said he drove his mother to get ice cream the other day. Howard asked him if he's driven it to a job yet. Jeff said he hasn't done that yet. He hung up before they could goof on him anymore. Another caller said that the guy on the phone should be shot after admitting what he just did. William said that he makes the kids feel better about themselves when they come over. He said that he gives them massages and stuff. Howard asked him if he would have sex with the kids if it was legal. William said that he would do that if there were no laws against it. William kept defending Michael Jackson for what he's been accused of. Howard and Robin asked him if he ever gave the kids baths or anything like that. He said he has done that but there was adult supervision in the house. Howard let William go but gave him some advice to get some help before he hung up on him.
Howard didn't go to break right away, he ended up talking about yesterday's show where Richard got a chocolate tea bag from ''Sack Man'' Sal the Stockbroker. Richard Christy came in and said that he thinks he got one of Sal's ball sack hairs in his eye yesterday. Sal came in and told Howard that Richard told him that he would be willing to tongue kiss a man for $20,000 if he had the chance. Sal said he'd set up a PayPal account right now if that's the case. Howard read a couple of e-mails after that. There was some mail about the dump they took a picture of in the bathroom. The delay was hit a couple of times during that. Howard was also talking to Sal and Richard about this guest they had coming in who's a foot fetish model. That led to Richard revealing that he's into feet quite a bit and he's done some things that are kind of disturbing. Sal said he loves that guy. Howard said they might have to take the girl, put her behind a curtain and have 2 guys behind there with her. Then they'd have Richard pick the foot he wants and make him suck on it. Sal said he was going to go back and stick his foot in the toilet right now so he can be part of that. Sal was talking about blowing some snot rockets on this girl's foot after chewing up an egg sandwich and spitting it on her feet. Richard was willing to do just about anything. Howard finally went to break and played the Mike Walker prank call that they played earlier in the show.
Howard said he had a $250 gift certificate to give away courtesy of StubHub.com so he was going to let Bong Hit Eric play the Wendy the Retard game. He had audio of Richard Christy asking Wendy to repeat after him. The first term he gave her to repeat was ''Cable Regulator.'' Eric guessed that she would be able to repeat it but Wendy ended up just mumbling something unintelligible. Howard played it a couple of times but it didn't get any clearer. The next clip was Richard saying ''Despicable.'' Eric said he thought she'd be able to repeat it and he was right. The next one was ''Digital Processing System.'' Eric said that he doesn't think she'd be able to repeat that one but he was wrong. Wendy said it very clearly. The next one was ''Englebert Humperdink.'' Howard figured that she'd be able to say it so Eric went with him and said she'd be able to say it. Wendy said something close to it but it wasn't close enough. Howard let Eric hang in there for one more try. This time it was ''Nocturnal Emission'' and Eric guessed that she wouldn't be able to answer it. He was wrong again, Wendy said it no problem. Howard hung up on Eric and didn't give him the prize.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard did recently where they called a woman and told her she could win $5 million if she guessed who sang 3 different songs. She lost when she wasn't able to answer the Beetlejuice song.
Howard is thinking about having the guys talk about their favorite moments on the show for the last show. Scott said he likes the drinking shows. That led to the guys talking about Artie's drinking and Scott suggested that he just drink beer with them instead of drinking Jack Daniels. Howard said he thinks that Artie will eventually break down and have a drink. Artie admits that he will break down eventually and he's prepared for that. Howard told Scott that they can't have a drinking show because they don't want Artie to start drinking so soon.
Ralph called in and said that Scott actually had those Video Caddy things packaged and created so he could sell them. Scott said he had about 40 made and it cost him about five grand to have that done. He sold one so far and sold it for $75. Howard told him that he should go out and sell the things. They were arguing about whether or not Scott is a ''Type A'' personality or not. Scott thinks that he is but Howard told him that he's not. If he was, he'd go out and sell those Video Caddy things. Ralph interrupted that and said that the picture they had up on Howard's web site of the foot fetish girl wasn't that good. Her feet were kind of nasty. Howard had the guys bring her in after that.
Krissy the foot fetish girl came in but Howard spent a few minutes talking about how Scott and Doug brought him a TV show idea for a boxing show but Howard passed on it and they dropped it. Scott and Doug said they brought it to Mark Cronin and he sat on it for a few months and then ''The Contender'' came out and it was too late. Scott said they signed a deal to develop the show but they didn't get any money out of it. Doug said that the show could still make it and women would like to watch it just as much as men because of the stuff they were going to have in it. Scott was still arguing about being a Type A personality with Howard. Scott thinks that because he mows his own lawn that he's a Type A. Howard told him that a Type A wouldn't have time to mow his own lawn because he'd be at work all the time. Howard is a Type A because when he relaxes he has to convince himself that it's for work. Scott the Engineer came in and said that Scott DePace is constantly on Xbox Live playing games. Howard turned the tables on him and ended up talking to him about being a Type B because he can't get in there and adjust microphones when they need them adjusted. Scott also asked DePace if he invented a Tripod with that Video Caddy of his. Scott said that's not what it is. Howard said he had to take a break before getting to Krissy. He spent a couple of minutes talking to her even though he said he had to take a break. Krissy said that she has guys who will worship her feet and enjoy smelling them. Howard told her to hold off and talk about it after the break.
Howard asked Krissy about this foot fetish party and how many girls are there. She said about 10 women are scheduled to come and they have an open bar so the guys can drink. Then the guys will come over to her, give her 20 bucks and she'll let them mess around with her feet. Howard said that you'd think that the wives of these guys would look at this as cheating. Howard said that he would certainly think of it as cheating if his girlfriend went out and had her feet messed around with by other guys. Howard tried to find out how she goes about doing this party thing. She said she cleans her feet with Witch Hazel between the guys that worship her feet. She said the Witch Hazel kills the germs but leaves behind any scent that might be there.
Howard had Sal and Richard come in as Tonto the Stockbroker and Cowboy Christy. They said they have a fetish and Sal wants to chew up an egg sandwich, spit it on her feet and then have Cowboy Christy eat it off of there. Krissy said that was fine but she doesn't want Richard throwing up on her at all. Richard... I mean Cowboy Christy, said that he would aim it next to her instead of on her if he throws up. Howard asked Krissy a few more questions about her foot thing and about getting it on with chicks. Krissy said she had sex with a woman just last month. She said that she will only date hot chicks. The other girl was only 18 or 19 years old too. She filled Howard in on the details about how the other chick was the one who came up to her. They exchanged phone numbers and then hooked up later in the week. Krissy said they hung out at her apartment and then started making out while they were in bed watching TV. Krissy said it only took about a half hour before she and the other girl ended up having sex. The session lasted about an hour or so. She told Howard another story about how she had 2 girls at one time when she was only 16 years old. She said that one of the girls was openly bi-sexual and she'd never even heard that before. Now she's bi-sexual herself. Krissy said she enjoys having sex with guys as well.
Gary came in and told Howard that Sal and Richard got changed in another studio and ended up talking to each other about their packages while they were naked in front of each other. He said it was very disturbing. Howard asked Sal to stop playing with himself while they were doing this. Sal said the thong he was wearing was itchy. Howard had Gary go over to her to tickle her while he watched. Gary wasn't a very good tickler according to Krissy. Howard went over to give it a try himself. He used a feather on her feet but that wasn't working so he told Sal to go ahead and spit out the egg sandwich on her foot. Sal chewed up his sandwich and then spit it on her feet... and added some extra spit. Then Richard Christy went in to suck on her feet but he ended up gagging and almost puking. Krissy was laughing pretty hard as she watched that going on. Sal went over and spit on them again and had Richard gagging even more. Everyone was laughing hysterically as that was going on. Richard couldn't stop dry heaving and Sal kept spitting on her feet which wasn't helping things out. Richard went in to try her other foot but gagged once again. Then Sal squirted some mayonnaise on there to make it even worse.
Howard said that Sal was riding Richard like a pony during that. Then a little later Sal caught a cockroach and chased Krissy around a little bit and then put it down Richard's pants. Richard said he hates cockroaches more than anything. He had mayonnaise in his ear and all over the wig he was wearing according to Howard. Richard said it was really nasty. Krissy told Howard she had fun doing this. He wrapped up the interview a short time later and gave her a couple of plugs. You can check out on HotnSexyFeet.com . Captain Janks called in right before they went to break and told Howard that he'd just vomited out the window of his car. Scott the Engineer said that Artie usually stands up to see what's going on but today he was facing the wall so he wouldn't see anything. Ralph called in and said he doesn't know exactly what was going on but it sounded pretty disgusting.
A foot fetish guy called in and asked Howard if the girl has ''evolution toe.'' Howard said that it looks like she does but Krissy said that her second toe is not longer, it's about even with her big toe. The caller asked Howard to have Jason send him some pictures so he can evaluate her feet for them. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
During the news Howard mentioned that he saw the Jessica Simpson video for ''These Boots Are Made For Walking'' and she's really hot even though the show is horrible. He said he's pretty sure they have a link up on his web site. He said they also have some fresh pictures of Richard and Sal's stunt from earlier in the morning with Krissy the foot fetish girl. The guys thought Richard sounded kind of like Chewbacca from Star Wars when he was gagging so Howard would say one of Han Solo's lines and Fred would play Richard's gagging sounds. Howard had Robin wrap up her news after that. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard started off the show talking about being out late last night seeing the premiere of ''War of the Worlds.'' He said he liked the movie. He usually doesn't go out late during the week and he's paying for it this morning. The movie was supposed to start at 7 last night but he knew it wouldn't start on time. The movie started shortly before 8 because of the whole Red Carpet thing. He said Tom Cruise was there and he actually said hello to him. He walked the red carpet and did some interviews but he doesn't know why he was doing them because it wasn't his movie. Howard told Robin that Brad Grey invited him down to the premiere so that's why he went. He was also saying that they're nuts down at the theater because they told Beth that she couldn't bring her purse into the theater. He was also talking about the nutty fans who just stand there so they can catch a glimpse of celebrities. He said it was kind of weird to see Tom Cruise up close and personal. He's a little guy but Howard said that everyone is little to him because he's so tall.
Howard said he got out of his car and immediately heard the paparazzi yelling out his name. He said that Beth hadn't been to a premiere since she was in the movie ''Flirting with Disaster'' with Ben Stiller. He walked down the red carpet and stood there for about 15 minutes so no one could say that he didn't stay around for pictures. Pat O'Brien was there interviewing people for The Insider and he started cracking up and made a b-line right for him. He said he asked Pat some questions and Pat made them turn off the cameras. He went up and told Pat that he was his hero and started questioning him and telling him that he was a lot of fun. Howard didn't want them to turn off the cameras. Pat ended up telling Howard that he's 100 days sober. Then Pat said hello to Beth and Howard said ''Uh oh!'' and Howard told him that she's not going home with him and Betsy. He also invited him to Scores with him. His camera crew were cracking up according to Howard. Pat kept saying ''Okay, thanks Howard.'' kind of brushing him off. Howard wanted him to ask him a real question so he could get on The Insider. Pat asked him about what he would say to Tom Cruise about his marriage. Howard kind of answered him and said something about there being limits in relationships but then said something about how pat doesn't know that there are limits. Pat was standing in front of the camera so they couldn't see what was going on though. Howard wants him to come on the show and he seemed to be pretty cool with the questions. He would love to get the tape of those questions from the crew over there at The Insider. He doesn't think they'll ever air that stuff though. Beth was freaking out while he was doing all of that and told him that he was crazy after they'd done the interview. Howard told Beth that Pat is the crazy one, he was just talking to him about the crazy stuff he did. He said that Pat didn't want to interview him and started to back up when he saw him.
Tim Robbins was in the movie so Howard saw him there at the premiere. Howard didn't know he was in it even though Tim said he was in it when he was on the show not too long ago. Tim told Howard he was glad that they'd gotten him out there to see the movie and he wasn't sure what he was talking about until he found out he was in the movie. He saw Tom Cruise blast past the paparazzi when he showed up because he's apparently pissed at what happened recently where he got sprayed in the face with water by a paparazzi. Howard also saw Steven Spielberg there and he doesn't think the guy has any love for him. Howard was checking out some pictures of himself and Beth on WireImage.com and said he didn't look too bad at the premiere. He talked about how there was a woman there interviewing him for AOL. He wasn't impressed with that but he said the woman did have nice breasts.
Howard said he said some nice words to Tom wishing him luck with the movie. He thought he was blowing him off but someone must have told him that it was Howard Stern so he turned and thanked him. Howard said the guy was actually cool to him even though he was in the middle of an interview. Howard kept walking down the line of reporters and all of the questions were the same. He said they were all asking him what he thinks about Tom and Katie Holmes' marriage. Howard said he told everyone that he gives their marriage about 2 years. Howard also said that Dakota Fanning was walking down the carpet with him and she's a really cute kid. He said he didn't turn to say anything to her because he didn't want to scare her.
Gary handed Howard a list of the celebrities that were there. Howard said he didn't see Katie Holmes or Nicole Richie burt Beth may have seen Nicole. He said that Donald Trump and Melania were there and he didn't see them when he first got there. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about the paparazzi that were questioning him and Gary said that something must have happened to Howard because this is all very unusual for him and he must have been in a party mood. Howard said it was no party. He was having some fun with Pat O'Brien. \
Hulk Hogan was on the red carpet so Howard mentioned him. He said hello to him and his daughter. He said that Hulk has a big, white mustache and the big rag on his head. Hulk's wife was there as well and she was looking good according to Howard. He said he eventually got to the door of the theater and found out that Beth had to hand over her purse. He then told Beth that he wanted to just leave because he didn't want to stick around to watch the movie because it was so late already. They were confiscating all cameras and cell phones so no one would take pictures in the theater. Gary said he went to a screening with his kids one time and they actually searched his kids for cameras. Beth didn't want to leave the movie so Howard decided to stick around to see the movie. Richie from E! came in and said that he went to see a screening of Star Wars sand they had guys walking around in night vision glasses looking for people using cameras. Howard got back to his story and said he forgot to take his bottle of hand lotion out so he could clean them after shaking a ton of hands. He saw a few more people like Brad Grey and some other guys. One guy came up to him and said he's a producer for radio guy Jim Kerr. Howard asked him why Jim isn't working these days. He wasn't aware that Jim was working at Q104 now. Howard said that he should tell some people that he's still working. The producer also told him that if he wants to come on Jim's show to promote satellite radio, he's welcome. Howard said he may just do that. Gary told Howard that Jim had yelled at him one time when he went back stage to interview Huey Lewis and the News back stage at some event many years ago. Kerr was apparently telling Gary that Howard had ruined radio for everyone. Howard said that he can't get guys get away with stuff like that. Howard said he'll go on the guy's show no problem though.
Howard got back to the movie discussion and said that the movie was good and the effects and stuff were really good. He said that you could punch some holes in the plot but it was pretty good overall. Robin asked how Dakota Fanning was. Howard said she's good in the movie but Robin wanted to know how they treated her at the premiere. He said she was like a cute little kid answering questions. Howard said at one point someone interrupted an interview he was doing to tell them that Dakota Fanning was standing behind him. Howard said he told them to keep the camera on him because that little kid wouldn't have anything to say. He said he was asked about Tom Cruise's odd behavior on Oprah Winfrey. Howard said he told the reporters that he's dating a hot chick but you won't see him jumping up and down on a couch like Tom did. Howard said that he saw pictures of Tom and Katie making out on the Red Carpet so he thought about hugging and kissing Beth and then laying her down on the carpet laying on her. Howard had to take a break but he had more to tell about this premiere.
Howard said that his board operator Louis was there and he didn't bother to come up and say hello to him. Louis came in and told Howard that he didn't want to bother him there since he was going to see him in a few hours at work anyway. Howard figured he was right and it was best that they didn't see each other there. Howard asked Louis if he saw any famous people there at the movie. Louis said he saw Howard and Hulk Hogan and that was about it. He was also telling Howard how there was a guy there at the premiere who was complaining about how he didn't get to shake Howard's hand.
Howard was getting ready to leave toward the end of the movie. He said they were standing in the door toward the end of the movie and he knew they were going to have to try and get Beth's purse back. They eventually ran out of the theater to beat the crowd. Howard asked a guy where the coat check was so they could have gotten Beth's purse. Howard said they could have let him slide with the purse check thing. He said he didn't want to be treated like Oprah at Hermes. That led to Howard talking about what a cry baby Oprah is about that whole thing. She tried to get into one of their stores when they were closed and now she's complaining that they didn't let her in. Howard said that the owner of the store should go on Oprah's show and let her spit on him because that's basically what she's doing. She's planning on doing a full hour blasting the store. Howard said Oprah is a big baby and she should just shut up and go home when she can't get into a store.
Howard said there was a guy who got up during the movie and stepped on Beth's foot. She thought that her toe got broken. Howard got back to the mad dash that he made to get Beth's bag. He said they found the purse check thing and asked the woman to find the purse. That's when Donald Trump showed up. Trump's car was there waiting for him to leave and Howard's car was nowhere to be found. He said that Trump had everything planned out perfectly so he could get out of there. Trump offered to give Howard and Beth a ride with him and Melania. Howard said Trump was telling Beth how great she looked and how Melania is a big fan of hers. Howard said he had to come back with some compliments about Melania so he just repeated what Donald had just said. The dude saved his ass by giving him a ride. Trump had the driver take Howard back to his building, which is a non-Trump building. Howard said that Donald asked him to move into one of his buildings years ago but the place was so expensive that he couldn't do it. He was also talking about how hot Melania is and how great her body is. He wanted to put his head in her lap while they were driving home. He said he was trying to look up her dress since he was sitting across from her. Donald had his driver bring Howard home first instead of going home to Trump Plaza first. He couldn't get over how hot Melania was and said that she deserves all of Donald's money. He said he asked Beth if she was upset that she never married Donald. She said that he'll probably be free in a couple of years so it's not too late. Melania gave Howard a kiss goodbye and he tried to turn his head to kiss her on the lips. It didn't work though.
Double A called in and asked Howard how he couldn't bang Beth after the premiere. Howard said they've been going out for five years now and you have to take a break once in a while. Double A said that he would never take a break and he'd be banging her all the time. Howard let him go and mentioned that they had a new High / Low game with Playmate Jennifer Walcott. Howard had said that it was ''Jessica Walcott'' so Artie corrected him and told him that it's actually Jennifer. Gary said that it was a mistake that he made last night when writing down the notes. That led to Fred playing a few ''Baba Booey'' song parodies. Howard was also goofing on him a bit about taking care of the kids and doing stuff for his wife.
Eric was back on the line so Howard asked him why he's on the phone if he was never calling in again. They immediately started goofing on him and doing impressions of him. Robin said he sounds like the Penguin from Batman or something. Howard wondered why Eric would think that he'd accept that challenge of his. Eric said he was on the set of American Dreams and they had some very nice things to say about Howard and his staff so maybe he should be nice. Howard wondered why he has to be nice just because they were nice. Eric said he'd like to see if Howard actually has it in him to be nice for a month. Howard told Eric to get out of the house and get some fresh air because he's sitting around thinking too much. Robin told him that he's also calling in an awful lot for someone who said he wasn't going to call in anymore. Howard said that he loves calling in and he loves the attention. He's threatening that he's not going to call in anymore but then he calls right back. He keeps banning himself from the show but there's no reason for it. Eric said that he'd prefer not to be called ''Eric the Midget'' anymore and he'd like to be referred to as just plain ''Eric.'' Howard wanted to get to know Eric better os he asked him about his favorite movie and food. He likes ''Be Cool'' and pizza. Artie said that they should hang up on him if he's into that movie. Howard played a couple of bits they created using clips of Eric's voice. They remixed a gay porn clip using those clips and Eric said he hates that one. Howard told Eric he's not going to accept his challenge and he doesn't have to ban himself from the show anymore. Howard told him to come in the studio sometime and they'll have Richard Christy worship his feet. Eric said ''no thank you'' to that offer. Robin asked him if he moved into his own place yet. Eric said that unfortunately, that never happened. Howard said that they ran out of room at the Playboy mansion.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to hang out with Eric. It turned out to be a prank caller who said he wanted to hang Eric. Howard thought it said he wanted to ''hang out'' but he was wrong. Howard told Eric to try and have a nice weekend and to try to be happy. He told him to go see ''War of the Worlds'' because it was good. Robin also told him that Kelly Clarkson is out on tour so he should be happy. Eric said he already has tickets and he's also going to see Rascal Flats. Howard wants to get Kelly on the show and said that he would have Eric on the show if they can make that happen. Eric said he has a meet and greet pass for the concert he's going to. Howard said that he should tell the press that she's prejudiced if she won't see him that day. Eric told Howard that he also likes Carrie Underwood.
Captain Janks said that he ran into Kelly Clarkson at the supermarket the other day and asked her what annoys her. He said that she told him that Eric the Midget on the Howard Stern Show really annoys her. Howard said he had to get going but Ralph called in and said it's enough of this guy already. He said you can never understand what he's saying and when you do hear him, it's nothing interesting. Howard said he could listen to Eric all day long. He loves that he's in love with Kelly Clarkson and he loves hearing about that stuff. Eric was looking for Richard Christy for some reason so Richard came in and said hello. The guys ended up talking about how good he is when he calls in. Howard said he loves Eric. Gary said that they were wondering who would get voted off the show first, Eric or Ralph because they get calls about both. Howard told him to set up a poll on his web site for that. Howard told Eric to stop banning himself from the show and keep calling in. Ralph told him to ban himself and stick to it. Jason told Howard that the voting is up on HowardStern.com under the Vagina Corner section of the site. They went to break right after that.
Howard mentioned that Jennifer Walcott was going to be coming in and she's one of Artie's favorites. He also brought up how Artie was offered the chance to shoot a Playboy shoot years ago. Artie said they were going to give him any Playmate he wanted so Artie picked Jennifer. He got a call from his manager who told him that she didn't want to do it. Artie said they've put those shoots out on DVD (Playboy - Celebrity Photographers) and Carmen Electra did the photo shoot for Jennifer Walcott and it's the hottest thing he's seen. Carmen and Jennifer were hugging by the end of the video. Howard said he bets that Carmen and Jennifer got it on that day. He thinks that Carmen is into chicks more than it seems. The guy spent a minute on that and then Howard asked Artie about the basketball game he was watching last night. Artie told Howard how the game went with the Pistons and how he was up until about 1 in the morning watching the game.
Howard had the guys bring Jennifer Walcott in so he could check her out. He said that she was as hot as Artie said she was and talked about how great her ass was. Jennifer told Artie she never turned him down for the Playboy shoot. She wasn't going to do it until she found out that Carmen Electra was going to do her shoot. Howard said Gary came walking in wearing a monkey mask and it was distracting him. He got back to Jennifer and asked her how much she weighs. She said she's about 103 pounds at 5'2'' tall. Howard asked her if she and Carmen Electra got it on after the Playboy shoot. She said nothing happened but they did have fun on the set. Howard couldn't get over Jennifer's look today. He said her pants couldn't get any tighter than they were. He tried to change the subject and asked Jennifer about being with chicks. She said she met another Playmate one time. She said her name was Kim Stanfield and it was a long time ago that it happened. She said she was single at the time and they would go out looking for guys to make out with but when they couldn't find anyone, they'd end up making out with each other. Howard wanted to know more details but Jennifer said that the lesbian sex happened with a girl that wasn't a Playmate. She also told Howard about a guy who broke up with her years ago and Howard couldn't understand that. He can't imagine ever breaking up with someone so hot. He said she could probably kill his whole family and he'd still go out with her. He said that dude that broke up with her must be one secure guy. Jennifer said that the guys she dates are usually really insecure because of what she does for a living.
Jennifer said the whole reason she messed around with this chick was to get back at the guy who had broken up with her. She said she and the other chick got really drunk and went back to her apartment. She was kind of skipping over a lot of the story so Howard kept having her go back to fill in the blanks. She gave him more details but the delay was hit at least one time. Jennifer said that the other girl used her tongue on her and it was kind of different but it wasn't really better than a guy. She didn't know how to get rid of her the next morning and she felt like a dude because of that. The delay hits were coming like crazy because of what they were talking about. Jennifer told Howard that she took the other girl out to breakfast and the other girl paid for it. She ended up driving the girl home and a Dido song came on and the other girl grabbed her hand and said that she could fall in love with her. Jennifer had to tell her that she wasn't a lesbian and she didn't want a relationship. The other girl wouldn't leave her alone and kept calling her. They ran into each other at a club one night and the other girl yelled that she was never supposed to be a one night stand.
Howard told Jennifer to hang around because they were going to play a High / Low game to let some of the E! guys win some money. The guys ended up talking to Jennifer about her boyfriend for a few minutes before they went to break. Jennifer said that the guy is a football player and the guy does her so good that he makes her cry during sex. She's only been going out with him for about 3 months now. There were a couple more delay hits during that discussion. She said that she has a whole new idea of sex since she started dating this guy. Howard said the guy is full of it and it won't last. He told Jennifer that when he started dating Beth he would do stuff that would make her shake but the novelty wears off after a while. Artie said he's horrible at sex right from the start so there are no expectations from his girlfriend.
Howard gave Jennifer a couple of plugs for her web site, JenniferWalcott.com, and a couple of appearances she's making. Artie said that the first web site he ever got on when he got a computer was her web site. Howard asked her about the web site and what it costs to get on there. She said it's about a hundred bucks a year. Howard said he'd better see her balloon knot for that kind of money. She said she never shows that on her site. Howard read through some of her other plugs and then found out that Jennifer was actually injured during sex with her boyfriend one time. They had to go to the doctor who told them that they have to take it easy with whatever it was they did.
Artie said he remembers when Jennifer was on the show last because he was out in L.A. at the time listening to the show on his car radio. He said it was the worst day because he wasn't there to meet Jennifer. She was in with Jeff the Drunk that day so Artie did his Jeff the Drunk impression. Howard said he and Ralph were talking about how funny it would be if Artie came in and just did the Jeff the Drunk impression all morning. Artie did his impression for a short time before Howard said he had to take a break. He kept saying he had to take a break but then he'd get into more conversations with Jennifer. She was talking about how she was asked to wear a t-shirt for the High / Low game but Howard wanted her to wear a thong or something hot. She said that she didn't want to show her legs because she has bruises on her legs from having sex with her boyfriend. Howard eventually got to the break.
Howard played an audio clip of Lindsay Lohan talking about how she'll never do a nude scene. Howard and the guys seem to think she'll eventually do one once her career takes a nose dive. Howard also mentioned ''War of the Worlds'' again and talked about how good the movie was. Robin said she can't wait to see it and also said that she's a fan of Tom Cruise even though he's so wacky.
Howard moved on to the High / Low game they were going to play. Will told Howard that they have $25,000 to play with today and some of the guys from E! were going to play the game. Ralph called in as they were getting ready to start and said that Jennifer knew that her boyfriend was a football player when she met him because she was chasing after Jeremy Shockey when she met this guy she's dating now. Jennifer said that she wasn't chasing football players and she really didn't know that her boyfriend was a football player. Howard was going to hang up on Ralph but Ralph wondered why he wasn't playing this game because he lost a job at E! just like the rest of the guys did. Howard said they were in a meeting where they talked about the gay stuff they were going to do for this contest. He gave Ralph a choice and asked him if he would be willing to take a prostate exam from Sal if he lost the $20,000 bet. Ralph said he doesn't think he'd do that. Howard asked him if he'd take the chocolate tea bag thing like Richard got earlier in the week. Ralph said that was even worse than the prostate exam. He said the whole game was ''How Gay Would You Get'' but Artie said that it should be ''How Gay Are We Getting'' with all of this gay stuff they've been doing lately. Howard went on to say that he was going to give the E! guys a shot at $20,000 but Sal would be putting on a glove and giving someone a prostate exam if they lose. Howard said that Sal will lube up his gloved finger and give them a quick stick.
Howard was talking about the offer he had and two guys came walking in. Brian Phelan and Richie Wilson from the E! crew both need the money and they were willing to take the chance. Brian said that he has to go to the bathroom and he'll wreck Sal if he does the finger thing. Richie said that he has Crone's disease so he gets checked pretty often and it's not that big of a deal. Robin said she thinks that Howard is gay after all of this gay stuff. Howard had a whole list of stuff they could do to the guys. Here are some of them...
Howard said they could play another round and have Jennifer play. She didn't sound interested because she wasn't guaranteed money. She decided not to play the game. Howard offered her the chance to stand there naked and do 20 jumping jacks for some money. She baked out so Howard had Richie come in since he wanted to play the game. Richie said that it hit home pretty close when he saw that 6 come up when Brian was playing and he decided to back out of the game. Howard wondered if anyone was willing to play out there. Mike Gange came in and said that he would play if he could do the diaper thing. Howard said that they could do that if Gange agreed to wear it on his head for a full 10 minutes. Gary suggested that they just skip the diaper. There were a couple of delay hits during the conversation so they had to change their language and say that they were going to ''wet a diaper'' to put on Gange's head. Gary was actually going to be the one who peed in the diaper. Mike said that the length of time is what he has a problem with. Tom came in and told Howard that he has to talk to him during the break because this is a health risk and Mike is going to have to sign a disclaimer before they'll allow that. Howard told Tom to wear it himself and if he doesn't get sick, then they can let Mike play. The whole thing was kind of out of the question at that point so Howard asked him if he was willing to do any of the other stuff on the list. Mike wasn't interested. Howard wrapped up the game and started to give Jennifer some plugs. Gary interrupted and asked Jennifer if she was sure she didn't want to do anything. Mike told her that she will be on one of the last E! shows ever and it'll get huge ratings. She said that she wasn't interested in that. Jason came in and told her that they could link her web site from theirs if she got topless. She was willing to get topless for the chance to win $20,000.
Jennifer thought about it a little more and agreed to get topless just for the chance to play. Howard was hoping to get her to take her bottoms off if she lost. She wouldn't do that but she did agree to take the top off for them. Howard and Artie were impressed. Howard said that she was ''heavenly.'' Jennifer asked if she could get a plug on his web site. Gary told her that was only if she got naked so, no, she wasn't getting a link. They started the game a short time later and Jennifer got a 6 on the first turn. She said it would be higher but it was a 5 so she didn't win any money. Howard gave her a plug for her web site and asked her what she would have said for the next few cards. She would have blown it within a few shots so she didn't feel so bad after that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he had the results from the poll they had earlier in the morning. Ralph came out ahead of Eric the Midget in the poll they held for who would be voted off the show first. Ralph had 71% of the votes! Mike got in a plug for his book ''Rather Dumb : A Top Tabloid Reporter Tells CBS How to Do News'' and Howard had him move on to his game after that so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Debbie Schlussel called in during the news and told Howard that she's supposed to be going to see ''War of the Worlds'' and they won't let anyone bring in a purse. Howard told her that he talked about that earlier in the morning. Howard and Debbie talked about Scientology a little bit as well. She was saying that people who say negative things about Scientology end up getting snakes put in their mailboxes. She was also telling Howard about how she wrote a story about Morgan Spurlock and his new TV show because she thinks it's phony. Howard said he didn't want to get into all of that because he wanted to get out of there. Debbie said you can read about that stuff on her web site DebbieDoesPolitics.com. Ralph called in and got Howard back on the subject of the ''War of the Worlds'' red carpet walk and his interview with Pat O'Brien. He said that he really does want to get tape of that interview.
Robin got to her news a little later. Howard remembered that he ran into Bill O'Reilly at the premiere he was at last night. He said that he can tell that Bill's wife is disgusted by him and could barely shake his hand. He said he remembered later that they'd done a rap on what a scam Bill's web site is earlier in the day. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show at around 10:50am.