|Friday||This Week On E!|
Howard said he wouldn't have picked ''Rockin in the Free World'' to play at the start of the show. He wanted to play some sappy songs during these final 20 shows he has. Then he was saying that it sounded kind of dead in the studio this morning. He went off on Gary about playing that song after he suggested that they have a list of albums that he could play first thing in the morning. Things went horribly wrong when he took suggestions from everyone on songs they could play.
Gary wondered if Gandolfini does that on purpose or if they just happen to catch him on camera. Howard and Robin seem to think that he does it just for the attention. Gary also told Howard and Robin about the movie and how the kid who plays Harry Potter is getting older and getting to that ''Peter Brady'' stage where he's looking a little odd.
Robin brought up Dakota Fanning so Howard talked about how she could grow up to be kind of ugly but he's not really sure yet. Gary told him that they had some questions for Gary Garver to ask Dakota but some of them went over the line so he took them off the list. One of them was about whether or not Hugh Hefner would be alive to see her pictorial and the other one was telling her that there is no Santa. That led to the guys talking about some of the other odd looking child actors like Haley Joel Osment, Macauley Culkin and Jerry Mathers who played The Beaver on Leave it to Beaver.
Artie talked about Spanky McFarlane and how he grew up kind of odd looking. Gary said he remembers getting a phone call from that guy about something they said about him on the show and the guy threatened to sue them and talked about how horrible Howard was. He said that call was great.
Howard had another classic bit where he was Out of the Closet Stern meeting Gina Girl who was another kind of retarded sounding woman who said the same kinds of things that Gina Man said. Gary asked Fred how hard it was to get Gina Girl to say her lines in those bits. Fred said it actually went pretty easy with her. Howard thanked the company (Infinity) for not letting him take those classic tapes with him to the new place.
A caller asked Howard to play some other classic bits so they could retire them. He also suggested having Steve Rossi on the show since he used to appear so much in the past. Howard said he doesn't see a lot of people clamoring to hear Steve Rossi again. He said they only have 20 shows left so maybe they should be playing the tapes instead.
Howard said that he had big news about Ronnie who was known as ScoresMan923 online. He has now changed his online name to ScoresManH100. That shows how close they're getting to the end of the show. Howard also played an audio clip where they promoted his upcoming David Letterman appearance which is happening later this week. He will be on Thursday the 17th.
The guests that were mentioned during the Letterman promo weren't all that great so Howard and the guys talked about that for a short time. The caller Howard had on the line asked to play a game but Howard wasn't prepared to play. He gave the caller a $500 prize anyway.
Gary asked Howard if he's been approached by anyone to make a sequel for ''Private Parts.'' He said he could do something like that but he'd have to write it himself and he doesn't have time for that. Richard Christy came in a short time later and let Howard use the DVD player to play the 30 second test animation. The volume was very low it was hard to hear but you could kind of hear his mother taking his temperature rectally. The guy playing his father was the same guy who played him in ''Private Parts'' and everyone thought he was really good. Howard said the animation was good but they need to tweak his character a little bit. He said he will talk about the guy who created the characters when he promotes the cartoon in the future.
Gary wondered if Howard would show his parents the animation or wait for them to watch it on TV. He said he might show it to them before it airs. Howard didn't say when the cartoon will be ready for airing though.
Debbie Schlussel was there to say goodbye to them so Howard told Artie to get ready to work. He also said that they should keep her at the microphone stand so they can get rid of her easier if she starts to ramble. Howard asked her to show her boobs for this final appearance on terrestrial radio. He said her shirt looked like something from the Puritan days and it might take her forever to get it off. Gary told her that it wasn't a stylish outfit like she thought. He told her that she should be dressed a little sexy because she's a hot chick.
Artie started goofing on her as he does every time she calls in. Debbie thanked him for not doing the Al Queda stuff since that's so out dated now. She was starting to ramble again so Artie told her that all they hear is a couple of words and then ''uuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr'' which was like a constant tone and no words. Gary said that she sends him e-mails that are in all caps and very hard to read.
Debbie told Howard that she was in town to get an award so Artie started to laugh when he heard that. Debbie said that she got an award for the work she has done. She gave a 20 minute speech at the event so Artie reenacted it by making that noise again. Debbie explained what that was all about and Fred started to play some snoring sound effects while Artie did his sound again.
Debbie told the guys about how she has gone under cover and gone to a mosque to get some stories. She was getting into that boring stuff again so Fred played the snoring sounds again. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Debbie if she's shaved. Debbie said ''No comment'' to that and that she never answers questions like that. The caller also asked if she's a natural blonde. Howard and Gary said it's obvious that she's not. Howard said her hair looks like it was dipped in bleach and it really doesn't look natural.
Richard Christy came in and asked if he could show her something she's never seen. Howard told him to keep it in his pants and not to whip it out for her. Artie goofed on Debbie a bit and said that they found Al Queda hiding in her bush and that she looks like Buckwheat down there. He was also joking around about how Osama bin Laden might be hiding down there.
Ralph called in and said that this is the type of thing they talked about last week and they're wasting time talking to lame guests today. Howard said that Debbie deserved the time to come in and say goodbye. He let Ralph go and then wrapped up with Debbie. She thanked the fans for visiting her web site over the years and started to ramble again so Artie was doing that annoying sound again. Howard gave Debbie a plug for her DebbieDoesPolitics.com web site and Debbie mentioned she also owns OprahSucks.com where she talks about how Oprah has been sympathetic toward terrorists.
Howard played another classic bit that they're retiring as of today. It was a classic ''Woodstock Minute'' featuring Allison Steel and Billy West as Larry Fine of the Three Stooges. A caller had suggested that they play that bit so this was the final play. Howard said that the Larry Fine impression that Billy West did was the thing that attracted him to Billy back when he first had him on the show. He was spot on with that impression.
Howard asked Gary if he would have sex with Debbie Schlussel. Gary said he wouldn't do her and neither would Howard. Artie said he'd probably do her though. Sal said that he would do her too but the guys said that Sal would do just about any girl. Howard thought she had a bit of a belly that was showing because of the shirt she was wearing. Gary said he was kind of into her when he first met her but now that he knows that she doesn't stop with the Jihad stuff, he's not so into her.
Gary went through some more of the stuff that they were thinking about retiring today. Gary read the list of song parodies that Fred has performed over the years so Howard picked one called ''Did You Have Sex with Magic'' which was to the tune of ''Do You Believe in Magic'' and about Magic Johnson's HIV announcement. Howard didn't remember that song at all but some of the other guys did. Gary found another song called ''Raping in the Night'' and he wasn't even sure they could play that one anymore.
There was another one called ''Chas is Gay Babe'' which was about Cher's daughter Chastity coming out of the closet. Howard played that one and got a few laughs from the guys. Howard said he didn't remember that one either. He did explain why they had written the song though. That led to Gary talking about how Cher called him one time and threatened to sue them over a bit they did about her and Rob Camiletti. Tom Chiusano came in a short time later and said Gary transferred her call to him so he had to explain to her why they had done the bit. He also said he told her that she was great in ''Mask'' which she thought was kind of out of context but thanked him for it anyway.
Drea said that she actually misses working on the HBO show and would like to go back. She was killed off on The Sopranos though so that may not happen. Howard asked Shooter what he's up to these days. He said he sings and he's out on the road quite a bit. They talked about drugs and what Shooter likes to do. He said he'll smoke some pot once in a while but he's not into the really heavy stuff like heroin and stuff.
Howard told Drea how nice her breasts were looking and she said that they're not as big as he thought they were. They're only a B-cup but Howard thought they were a C at least. Howard wondered how fast Shooter was able to get into her pants. Both of them said it only took about 5 minutes. Howard asked if it really happened the first night but Shooter said it wasn't that quick. It took a little longer than that. Drea said he was good at the dry humping that night though.
Howard gave Drea and Shooter some plugs for the stuff they're doing. Shooter is doing a show at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City tonight so they talked about that a little bit. Howard was also talking to Drea about going to NYU and how she managed to get in with only an 800 SAT score. She said she didn't bother to answer any of the math questions so that was the score she got after drawing a lightning bolt down the math section. He spent some time talking to her about how she got the gig on ''Joey.'' Drea said that she was actually going to retire from acting after The Sopranos but she figured she'd give the comedy thing a try when she got the call.
Howard asked Drea if she's ever tried lesbian stuff. She was skirting around the question so Howard figured she must have brought some women into bed with Shooter or something. Shooter said she's talked about it but hasn't done anything. Drea said that her father was listening and she didn't want to talk about it. Howard wanted her to answer honestly but she wasn't being very forthcoming about it.
Howard took some phone calls for Drea and one guy said he used to live in the same building as Drea and actually bought a dog because she once told him she liked dogs. He said that she was always the hot chick in the neighborhood when she was around. Drea knew the building the guy was talking about but said she had forgotten about it until he mentioned it. That led to Drea telling Howard that she was actually on his show when she was about 19 years old. She was over at Corey Feldman's house at the time and ended up cursing on the phone so Howard had gone off on her about doing that.
Drea and Shooter told Howard what big fans they are of the show and how great it was to see the pictures they had in the green room while they were waiting to come in. Howard asked them if they have any celebrity friends but they both said they don't go out much. Howard wrapped up with Drea and Shooter a short time later.
Howard said that there are 19 more shows after today's show and they're going to be reminiscing about the past and playing some old audio from the show since Infinity won't let him have the old tapes. They're going to be leaving them behind because Infinity wanted $40 million from him if he wanted to buy them. He said the tapes aren't worth that kind of money to anyone and he wasn't going to cough up that kind of money. Gary said that they did kind of offer up an olive branch and gave them the Sam Kinison tapes that he asked to keep last week. Joel Hollander heard about that and let him take the Kinison stuff. Howard said he can play some of the old stuff from the E! shows because he owns the rights to the E! shows. He said if he has to, he'll just pull the old bits from those video tapes. He doesn't want to do it like that, but it may be the only way he can get the old stuff.
Howard said he didn't bring up the tapes when he had his meeting with Joel last week but he figures they won't care in 5 years anyway so they should just give them up. Howard never thought that the FCC would turn out to be the thorn in his side that it turned out to be. The company doesn't need to keep his tapes because they can't legally use them at all. He figures it's a spite thing and that's the only reason they're not giving up the tapes.
Howard remembers the days when the company wanted to erase all of the material years ago but he was the one who wanted to keep it around. He was the one who suggested they keep the tapes to do Best of Stern, not them. After all of that they won't let him take the tapes. He was willing to work out a deal where they could make some money for Infinity but they didn't want to do that either.
Gary said that they eventually got access to the WNBC tapes but Howard never plays them anyway. He figures that the same thing will happen with these old tapes and he'll eventually forget about them. The guys talked about some of the legendary interviews and musical performances that have happened on the show and all of that will be gone once they leave.
Howard moved on and played a song parody that led to the phone call from Cher to Gary where she threatened legal action on them. The song parody was about Cher and her boyfriend at the time, Rob Camiletti, who they called a ''bagle maker'' in the parody. The song parody was called ''Cher's Got Me Babe.''
A listener called in and told Howard about how he went to a Scientology meeting with Tom Cruise but he was dragging the story out so much that Howard was ready to bail out on him. Gary and Howard tried to drag the story out of the guy but it wasn't working so Howard bailed out and hung up on the guy.
Another caller asked Howard to play the Ted the Janitor tribute song that they did a while back. Howard ended up playing a Jerry Seinfeld song parody instead. Janis Ian played guitar with Howard singing about Jerry's girlfriend who was only 17 when he met her. That's what led to Jerry never doing the show again. He was so offended by the song that he stopped coming on and calling in. The guys spent a few minutes talking about the song and how Jerry really shouldn't have taken offense to the song.
Howard wanted to pick a musical performance from the show so Artie said that he'd love to hear James Taylor's version of ''Woodstock.'' Howard said that is a great one so he had Fred pull that one. There was also a NAMBLA song parody that Howard wanted to play but he was sure Tom would hit the delay on it. Tom told Howard that he's got a request for the classic bit ''Alive.'' Howard played a ''Liberace's Neighborhood'' bit but it was kind of dated and too old to bother with. He cut it off and skipped it. He played the James Taylor version of ''Woodstock'' that Artie had suggested. It was the final play for the song. Howard went to break after that.
Howard asked Billy how long he's been married but Billy told him he hasn't gotten married yet, but he's been with this woman for about 20 years. Gary broke in and told Howard that his fiancee was there with Billy so he could bring her in if he wanted. Billy said that he's pretty much gotten the women out of his system and he's ready to settle down now. Howard tried to find out more about his sex life from the years when they were huge. Billy said he couldn't remember the number of women he had and didn't really seem to want to talk about it.
Howard asked Billy about this book that he wrote and what it's all about. Billy said it's pretty much about cars and guitars. Gary told Howard it's like a picture book of guitars and cars. Howard said that Billy has some weird guitars in his collection and the one he brought today was kind of strange. Billy said that it's a guitar made out of cigar boxes from the 1920s. Howard checked out the guitar and said it looked pretty cool. He also read that Jimi Hendrix thought that Billy was one of the best guitar players ever. Billy said that he met Jimi many years ago when he was playing for the band The Moving Sidewalk. Billy said that he would hang out with Jimi and smoke some weed. He said he doesn't do that stuff anymore though. He said he does like to drink though.
Robin asked Billy how many guitars he's got. Billy said he's got too many and never gave a number. Howard asked Billy to play some stuff on that cigar guitar he brought in with him. Billy played a few songs and Howard was liking the sound he was getting from the odd little guitar he was playing. Billy changed some lyrics and sang about Howard a little bit.
Howard asked Billy about the song Tush and how that all came about. He wanted Billy to play the song on the cigar guitar but Billy didn't seem to be into it. Billy said that Dusty might get upset with him if he plays his song like that. Artie asked him to play some ''Tube Snake Boogie'' but Billy seemed to have forgotten the lyrics. He eventually got out a couple of lines though.
Gary came in and told Howard he might want to bring in Billy's fiancee because she was very interesting. Howard wanted to hear some ''La Grange'' first so Billy played a little bit of that and Howard sang a long with him a little bit. Artie was getting into it as well but Howard moved on to Billy's fiancee Gilligan Stillwater.
Howard asked Gilligan how old she was when she met Billy for the first time. She was only 15 and claims that Billy waited until she was legal before he got her. Billy said that he ran into her in some other countries when he was on tour so the guys asked him if there are different laws in those countries that would have allowed them to bang. They didn't answer that. Gary asked what the age difference really was. Artie said it looked to be about 80 years. Howard started to wrap up the interview a short time later and gave Billy another plug for his book and the book signing he's doing today. Billy also gave Howard a ZZ Top key chain which Howard seemed to appreciate. He said he felt kind of funny taking it without giving him something back... So he gave him Fred. Fred said some nice words about Billy and said he's one of the best guitar players out there.
A listener called in and asked Billy if it's true that he collects Nazi memorabilia. Billy said it's just cars and guitars, no Nazi stuff. A guy claiming to be a neighbor of theirs called in just to say hello. He said that he has seen Gilligan outside in her bikini in the neighborhood and that it's like seeing his sister walking around. Howard said that can't be right and he'd better watch out if he sees Billy walking around because he might get whacked in the head with a piece of wood. Howard let him go and then wrapped up with Billy. He said a quick hello to Billy's tour manager Pablo and checked out page 148 of Billy's book because there's a picture of Gilligan in there. They went to break right after that.
Howard said they've pretty much canceled all of their guests for the final shows and will only have in a few people who have a history with them. He also read an article from InsideRadio.com where they talk about the upcoming FCC indecency fines.
Howard read through some e-mail quickly and some people thought that his suspension was a planned thing that he did just to get attention for his final days there. He claims he had nothing to do with that and it was a complete surprise to him when Infinity suspended him. He had Robin start her news and said that tomorrow they will have ''less guests and more memories.'' Robin went through her news and Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Howard said he played that Aerosmith song to make people think he's profound. He had to explain why he played it though. Artie got sidetracked and said that Benjy must run to work every morning because he was all sweaty. Fred said he comes in every morning fanning himself like he's all sweaty. Benjy said it's not a bad sweat and he'll be fine by 6:20am. Artie said that Benjy is up early enough to get there but he likes to work at home before the show so he runs there to catch up.
Howard talked about the stories that Heidi told during her show and how she was trying to get guys off. In the third segment of the show she took a call from a guy who liked to be dominated so she was instructing him on what to do. Howard and Gary really liked the show. Artie didn't hear any of it though so he said he'll have to check it out.
Gary was saying he knows the airplane story she was telling couldn't have been true but it didn't matter because it was so hot. Howard said there were some people who didn't like the guy on the phone but Howard thinks that if guys haven't finished by the second segment, there's something wrong with them. The delay was hit at least one time during this discussion. Howard mentioned that Doug Goodstein taped this show for his upcoming In Demand TV show. The caller asked if all of that stuff is going to be uncensored. Howard told the guy that all of it will be uncensored and they'll be putting on the old E! show stuff that will be re-cut and uncensored.
Howard mentioned that he'll be going on David Letterman's show on Thursday to talk about some of the other plans he has. He said he started to get kind of bummed out yesterday when he realized he was leaving. He said he can't wait to not be bothered by management when he gets out of there.
Howard said he's got 19 shows left and Thursday will be his 20th anniversary there on the air. He said there's a big deal being made about Oprah's 20 years on TV but he's been doing the same radio show for 20 years. Now he's thinking of doing a retrospective of his show and putting it out on DVD. He can do that without Infinity's help because he owns the rights to the E! shows. He thought it would be cool to do a retrospective of his career that way.
A couple of people talked about the Heidi Cortez show but Tom was button happy this morning and censoring out the mentions of the satellite show. Howard heard about it and said he's really not surprised that they're doing that and invited them to chop it up as much as they want. Howard played a bit that they created using Heidi's Sexxxy Noises audio clips and Robin audio clips to make it sound like the two of them were getting it on.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard has hit the ball out of the park once again with the Heidi Cortez show. He also mentioned that he'd see Howard on ''the other side'' so the song they played at the start of the show was actually working out pretty good. Howard replayed some of the song and then played another Heidi Cortez bit. In this one Heidi has sex with Don Imus using various clips. There was another clip where they used clips of JD to create a sex scene. That led to Howard saying that he heard JD gave his number to Heidi just in case she wanted to hang out with him.
JD came in and said that Heidi asked for his number when he messaged her through her MySpace.com account. Howard said that he really should go on Heidi's show tonight and do stuff with her. JD said that she actually called him before her show last night. Howard wondered what was up with that and JD said that she just wanted to say hello to him. A phone caller suggested putting Richard and Sal on Heidi's show. Howard would like to hear Richard on there. Richard said he was listening to the show last night but he didn't pleasure himself because he's holding off until Friday. Howard thought about firing Richard just so they could put him on the air over there. None of the employees are allowed to go on there yet so they'd have to be fired.
Howard wondered who they could have as a special guest on Heidi's show tonight and Ronnie the Limo Driver's name came up. Ronnie came in and said he'd do it if he could have his own show with Scores girls. Howard said he could do that. They thought about other guys from the show who they could send over there to do Heidi's show. Eric the Midget's name came up but that didn't go over that well. There were multiple delay hits during the discussion. Howard said that his Dad could go on. Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that he thinks they've gone to places they agreed they wouldn't by discussing this stuff. Howard begged him to suspend him once again so he could take another day off. He loved that. Gary said that he loved that day off too and told his neighbor about how great it was because they still got paid and they don't really care because they're leaving in a month.
Howard agreed to stop the discussions but wanted to know if they could send someone over there to do Heidi's show. Tom told Howard ''no'' because that person is an employee and this is the stuff that they agreed not to talk about. Tom told Howard that they agreed not to talk about up and coming shows and that's what they're doing. Gary told Howard that Sal and Richard are freelancers with the show so they could technically go on over there. Tom said that if Richard goes on, he can't come back. There are some people who still do work over there and also work on the station. Howard sarcastically told Tom that sending Richard over there is going to sell thousands of radios. It probably won't sell any. Howard told Richard he can go over there on December 16th and not worry about it.
Howard tried to come up with another name and asked Tom suggest someone. Tom said he'd rather not discuss it. He told Howard that he can't let his employees go over there because they won't get paid. Howard couldn't believe that Tom was going to not pay these guys if they do go over there. Gary said that Tom has been good about paying those guys even while everyone is on vacation. They do work through most of Howard's vacation weeks though so they're working for that money. Howard wrapped up after that and went to break.
Sal and Richard came in and asked if they could both be fired so they can go on Heidi's show. Sal said that they would miss not being there but they could come back as guests. Howard said he'd have to think about that before he makes a rash decision.
Sal also told Howard a story about how there's a sponsor on the show who pays six figures for advertising on the show and they only offered them $250 to make appearances. Tom came in and said that they agreed to pay them $500 each. Sal said that Tom wouldn't even reply to him when he asked for $1000 for the appearance. Tom denied that and said that they were both offered $500 and that was more than fair. Sal was going off on Tom about how cheap they are and how they'll get frozen turkey's for Thanksgiving. Tom couldn't believe that he was the one who suggested that they hire Sal because the guy was going off on him like crazy.
Howard wanted Tom to fire Sal so they could let them go over to the new place. Tom said they may not even be ready to hire him over there so they might want to check into that first. Gary said he'll let Howard know tomorrow. Tom ended up firing Sal after he called him a dick head and some other names. Howard had to ask Sal to leave the room but Sal kept telling him ''no'' and refused to leave. Gary said that Sal was supposed to be doing a commercial for Dr. Dello Russo today but he was kind of blowing that by getting fired. Tom had a lot to do with making that happen but Sal didn't know that. Howard sent him out of the studio to calm him down.
Both of the girls were bartenders so Howard figured they must be good looking. She was still dragging out the discussion even though Howard was asking them to make out. They said they were going to do it and when they finally started, they stopped and said it wasn't that much fun if they couldn't see it. Howard hung up on her as soon as she said that.
Eric the Midget called in and said he had a story about the death of Eddie Guerrero's but Howard asked him if he wanted to go on the Heidi Cortez show tonight. Eric quickly said ''no'' and thanked him for the offer. Gary said that they could have Heidi pretend to be Kelly Clarkson and have phone sex with him. Eric wasn't interested. Howard tried to create the call but Eric wasn't interested in playing along. Howard asked him a few sexual questions but Eric wasn't playing along. He refused to answer anything.
Double A called in and said that he would go on Heidi's show tonight. Howard asked Eric if he'd go on if Double A went on with him. That wasn't happening either. Howard was pretending to be Heidi and talking dirty to him but Eric sounded angry and refused to play along. You could almost hear Eric's eyes rolling into the back of his head as Howard was asking the questions. Howard told Eric that he was turning him on and Eric said he wasn't doing a single thing.
Howard, as Kelly, asked Eric to read his story to him in his sexiest voice. Eric gave him another ''No!'' but eventually read the story he wrote about Eddie Guerrero. Howard was making sounds as if he was pleasuring himself as Eric was doing his robotic read of the story. Howard kept making Eric lose his place by interrupting him. That didn't stop Eric from reading the story though. He'd get right back into it and talk more about Eddie's death as Howard was talking sex. Howard said Eric was really playing hard-to-get today. He continued to try to get Eric to play along but he refused.
Howard told Eric he was going to tie him up to Eddie Guerrero's corpse to make him look like a full sized man. Eric apparently didn't find that very amusing. The guys wondered if Eric was gay or something. Howard then put on his gay voice and tried to turn Eric on that way. Eric says he's not gay either so Howard gave up. He gave Eric a $500 prize anyway. Double A was still on the phone and asked to be on the Heidi Cortez show. Howard told him he could be on for five minutes, that's it.
Howard had actress Shar Jackson on the phone. Shar is Kevin Federline's ex-girlfriend. They had 2 kids together and she was pregnant at the time Kevin ran off with Britney Spears. She explained how their relationship all fell apart after he was caught with Britney. She told Howard that he apologized to her for the relationship with Britney and claimed that he was going to call it off. That never happened though.
Shar said that Britney shouldn't be shocked that Kevin is still out partying while she's home with the baby because that's the kind of guy he is. She said that Kevin is actually a good dad and his kids love him to death. Howard asked what's up with the guy and if he's good in the sack or something. Shar said that he is great in bed and he's pretty big. She said she was always happy with him when he was with her. She was also saying that she's not even mad at the guy, he's just out doing his thing.
Shar told Howard that she's now working on the Bernie Mac Show and a new show called the Ex Wives Club so she's doing just fine. Howard wondered if it was tough for her to see her ex with Britney. She said it really was pretty tough for her. She was also talking about the older kids she has and how they're from her high school boyfriend. Howard asked her if she's getting any money out of Kevin. She said she's not taking his money but he does contribute to a trust fund for the kids. Shar said she has her own money and can support them herself. Howard said he would have a kid with this chick because she doesn't want her ex's money.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has a friend who has danced with Britney and she knows that she has acne on her back so that's what Kevin gets to see when he's doing her doggy style. Howard gave Shar some plugs for her TV show and wished her luck with everything as he let her off the phone.
Pete was telling Howard that he should have the female news reporter from Howard 100 News do the phone sex thing. Howard told him that she's a real reporter and won't want to do that but Pete said that would be even better.
After reading this morning's paper, Howard said that he thinks that James Gandolfini really does go out and call the press to take pictures of him with his 4 year old kid. He's always in the paper with the kid and no celebrity is photographed with them that much unless they're calling the paparazzi themselves. He and Gary talked about why the guy might do that and it may have something to do with his divorce. Maybe he's trying to show that he's a good dad and he's always hanging out with him.
Gary had a bunch of old bits they could go through to get rid of but Howard had to take a commercial break first. Gary told Howard some of the stuff he had on his list that they could play. There were many classic musical performances from the show that they could play. Howard picked a David Bowie performance from one of his birthday shows to play as they were getting ready to break. Howard said that Bowie's performance of ''Fame'' was from January 31, 1998. Howard said that was his favorite performance and was reminded by Tom that Mayor Giuliani did the show for the first time that day. It was also the last year of Howard's marriage.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Eric who asked if he was going to be handing stuff out to the fans that day. Howard said it'll be a symbolic type of walk down the street. Tom told Howard that he also wants to throw a party for them. Howard said he'd love to have a huge party where he has a big band like Green Day play their song ''Boulevard of Broken Dreams'' as he's wheeling his stuff along the street.
Irish John called in and asked Howard to play a classic call that Richard Belzer and Howard made to Chevy Chase but Gary said it wasn't something they could find easily. Howard kept saying he had to take a break but they kept talking about that 1998 birthday show and what a nightmare it actually was. Bowie was great but Gary and Tom said they had a lot of problems with it. They had a lot of technical problems and actually cut out a song that Billy Joel performed for Howard. That song never made it to the air. Gary said that Michael Keaton was supposed to be on that day but he canceled. Bowie's wife Iman was supposed to come on but she also canceled. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Rappin' Granny who said she wants to walk down the street with him on his final day there. Howard said that he would be proud to have her there walking arm in arm with him. Gary told Howard that they found the clip that Irish John asked to hear earlier. It was a phone call that Richard Belzer and Howard made to Chevy Chase after seeing Chevy on a live satellite feed talking to Larry King about how he doesn't get Howard Stern's humor. The bit that Howard played was a promo that used clips from that conversation when Chevy got really pissed that they had called him. Gary said that was actually the wrong call. The one they played was the call that Chevy made to him trying to ''clear the air'' but everything went wrong. Howard said the last time he talked to Chevy, he was very nice to him and all of the bad stuff was forgotten.
Fred played the audio from the Larry King satellite feed where Chevy was talking about how unfunny Howard Stern is. The funny thing was that Chevy was trying to be funny but it wasn't happening. Howard said they also had problems with Bon Jovi years ago and it wasn't pretty for them. The band was upset about the way they were getting bashed and begged for Howard to stop. That led to Bon Jovi coming back on the show to make up for it and they performed a great version of ''With a Little Help From My Friends'' from 1992. Howard played that performance and talked about how they patched things up with Bon Jovi after that. Howard has been friends with Jon ever since then. Gary said that the band's first appearance on the show was when they were still on in the afternoons at K-Rock and they did a Dial-A-Date.
Bong Hit Eric called in and asked Howard why the company is going to let all of these old tapes just sit around and gather dust. Howard said he thinks it's spite. They don't want to make things easy for him and don't want to make a deal with him to play the tapes on the new place and share in the advertising. Robin asked where the tapes will go once he leaves. Howard said that he has the tapes in archival boxes that he's paid for himself so they should be safe. The company wouldn't have even saved them if it wasn't for him. Tom came in and said that he made a one time mistake and asked them to erase tapes to reuse them back when they first started. Tom said they didn't do that 15 years into the deal before doing that. Howard said the company wouldn't have archived them if he hadn't done something himself. Now they're just going to sit and gather dust. The company wanted him to pay $40 million for the rights to play them. He's not going to pay that kind of money.
Howard and Tom talked about the deal that was made and how it wasn't that great of a deal. It was something that Howard and Mel worked out years ago and it was obviously a bad move. Howard said he doesn't believe that anyone would have subscribed just to hear those old tapes but the company didn't agree. Howard said he'll be creating new shows when he goes over there and that's what people are going to pay for.
Shuli called in and asked if Howard is going to have an embedded reporter like the White House has. Shuli said he would like to be there to report on everything that Howard does. Howard said that he could be there on Thursday night when he does Letterman. Robin said it's kind of funny that his own news program refers to him as a ''shock jock.'' Howard said he thinks that he's better than that and maybe they should stop calling him a shock jock.
Gary brought in some Stuttering John bits that they could retire so Artie mentioned his favorite moment when John was interviewing Fred Gwynne and asked him if he signs his pictures ''Fred Gwynne or Herman Munster.'' Gwynne then tells John that he's going to pretend that he didn't hear that. Gwynne hated to talk about Herman Munster so they told John to only ask him questions about Herman. John asked Fred if he thinks Vincent Van Gogh ever dressed like Frankenstein because Fred was doing some art himself. Artie thought that was pretty funny and laughed his ass off when he heard the question.
A caller asked Howard if he had the classic song about the L.A. Riots that they played on the show many years ago. Fred was able to dig that up and played it for the caller. It was actually Jackie the Joke Man's wife Nancy who performed the song for them. Howard thanked him for reminding them about that and gave him a $500 prize for the suggestion. They went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard asked Gilbert how much money he put into the whole thing. Gilbert said that it's less than $200,000. Artie was goofing on him about getting his phone number and not being able to get through because he had his fax line hooked up to it. Howard said that Gilbert really freaked out when he realized they only had 19 shows left on terrestrial radio. He also said that he's been hanging around and talking to Artie about the DVD sales and now he's freaking out because the show is moving to satellite.
Gilbert's DVD isn't being released until December 6th so he's begging to come on the show as much as possible in the final days of the show. Howard said that Gary told him that Gilbert really needed this gig because he needs to get pre-orders for this DVD of his. He also said that this show is Gilbert's only hope because Leno and Letterman aren't going to have him on. Artie said those shows probably wouldn't sell any copies anyway. He said he did the Craig Killborn show one time to push his DVD and it actually cost him 4 copies of his DVD because no one called to order.
Gilbert also has some blog entries on his web site (GilbertGottfried.com) so Howard read through some of that stuff. He read something from his November 6th entry where he complains about getting bumped because of the hurricane that hit. There's also a mention of how he was part of the Saturday Night Live retrospective of the 1980s. Gilbert didn't last long on that show and was fired after his first season. Howard said that he'd like to put Gilbert on his satellite channel and have him do a Dracula Gottfried show every week. He'd like a full half hour show. He thinks it would be great to have him doing his Dracula impression while talking to Pam Anderson.
Howard and Gilbert were doing some Dracula Gottfried stuff but the delay was hit a couple of times. Howard said they could put the show on Friday nights. He asked Gilbert about the DVD and if he has a production company. Gilbert said it's Gilbert Gottfried Productions so they goofed on him about that. He doesn't have a logo of his own so Howard told him to just steal the Nike logo. Gilbert talked about the ''extras'' he has on his DVD and how Artie suggested them.
Howard saw that Gilbert sells his DVD for $12 extra for an autographed copy. Gilbert said that was someone's suggestion but he's pretty sure it wasn't Artie who suggested it. Some people have actually ordered those autographed copies according to Gilbert. Howard told him it sounds like a great deal. A listener called in and asked Howard to get him off the radio and he'd be willing to buy 100 copies just to make that happen.
Howard gave Gilbert a plug for his DVD which will be available in stores on December 6th. You can pre-order it at GilbertGottfried.com. Howard told him that he could come back in on December 6th to get another plug for the DVD. Gary thought that he wanted to come in a bunch of times before they leave terrestrial radio on December 16th, but Howard said it's enough already.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. A phone caller told Howard how great Gilbert is on the show and how he's seen him doing comedy shows before. Howard ended up giving the guy a $500 prize. Gilbert tried to do some funny stuff during the news but the delay button was hit multiple times. Hook Nose Mike called in and said that he doesn't find Gilbert funny at all and doesn't get why he's on so much. Howard tried to convert Mike over by having Gilbert do his ''Old Groucho Marx'' impression. Mike asked when Gilbert was going to start being funny because it wasn't working for him. Howard took a break shortly after that.
After the break Robin got back to her news. Howard asked Gilbert if his girlfriend ever asks him to have kids with her. Gilbert said that he wants to be one of those comedians who have kids and then do material about their kids. That led to Howard playing an Onion Radio News bit about another comedian who was ruined by having kids. It was very appropriate for the conversation they were having. Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Howard said he missed the ''People Got to be Free'' song because he was busy talking to Gary. He was also pissed that he didn't hear Heidi Cortez's show last night since they moved it to a new time. He said they were supposed to download it from the guys over there but he never got it. He heard that Ralph was very captivated by the show and can't get anything done.
Howard said that Jeff Schick has set up his computer so he can get the show but it's not working for him. He said that the reason they changed the air time for Heidi's show is because most people go to bed around 10. He was listening at 7 since that's shortly before he goes to bed.
Howard went to a Knicks game so he talked to Artie about that and basketball in general. It didn't last that long because he hates sports radio and talking about sports too much. Gary got them back on track and brought up the strange incident that went on between Heidi and Double A. They wanted JD to go down to her studio to hang out with Heidi but Double A contacted her and tried to show up over there. Gary said that Heidi apparently doesn't want him around so they refused to let him into the studios. Gary read some of the messages he sent to her and how he was promoting his appearance over there as if it was his show.
Double A called in and said that he showed up to the place and was told he wasn't going to be allowed in. He said he never got a response back from Tim Sabean after leaving a message for him. Gary said that he talked to Tim Sabean about the appearance and he apparently told him he wasn't going to be allowed in. He didn't know that Tim Sabean didn't return Double A's call.
Howard told Gary that Tim has to sit down and talk to some people and get these things in order. Things are very disorganized over there. Jason came in and apologized for what happened because he didn't get back to Double A. Double A was kind of upset over what went on but he was talking too much so Howard had to pot him down. Gary had just assumed that Tim had called him back and didn't know that wasn't what happened. Double A said he's a team player and wants to do whatever he has to for them. Howard told him he had to go and apologized for what went on.
Artie said that Double A must be working this radio stuff into getting a lot of chicks. It all sounds very important to him. Howard said that these guys have to hire producers for these shows and get things organized because a lot of things are falling through the cracks. Gary kept talking about how Tim was supposed to have called Double A but he only has one guy helping him out. Howard knows that they have problems and they need to work things out.
Howard said that the people over at the new place have to get things done for him over there. He's got two stations to program and he's going to have about 50 shows in production. Robin asked when the shows are supposed to actually go into production. Howard said it's all going to take time and he has no idea when it's all going to be ready to go. He's very happy with how far the Howard 100 News program has come so far.
On December 16th Howard wants to do his final show and do a symbolic walk from the old studio to the new one with some fans. He said it's not only a goodbye to terrestrial radio but a goodbye to everyone they work with, the studio and the building. It's also and F-you to Clear Channel, the religious right and the FCC as far as he's concerned. He said they have a lot of stuff to move and no one will pay for the move so he's going to take some of it himself on December 16th.
Howard will be moving the RoboSpanker, the Tickle Chair and the Wheel of Sex that day and he needs to get the engineers to work with him to make that happen that day. He said he'd need Tom to help him out as well and he's hoping that they can work it out. He said he's dropped the idea of getting a band to play for them as they make the walk. Tom came in and told Howard that he's going to get Richie Herbie on the job so they can make that happen.
Howard was also talking about how Tom would like to throw them a party around that time so he was suggesting that they go to Nobu. He said he'd like to do the party but he doesn't want to do it that day because he's probably going to have a Saturday Night Live rehearsal and some of other stuff going on. He told Tom that he's not sure he's going to be able to do it, especially after doing his final show that day. Tom said that they may be able to do this on December 8th which is actually their Christmas party, but Howard told him to leave it on the 16th.
Artie said that he has something going on December 16th as well so it might not be the best day for them. Howard said that Tom is very insistent on stuff like this and he hates to change things. Howard pointed out that the Christmas party is on a Thursday night this year which isn't the best night to say goodbye. Howard said he's not free on the 8th either though so that won't be happening.
He really doesn't have any time to go to any parties. He suggested that all parties be held on the air, that way he'd be able to go. Howard and Robin were talking about something that got the delay hit a couple of times. Robin and Howard both sounded like they were using the A-hole word which they can't say on the air.
Produce Eddie called in and offered up his truck to help move stuff from the station. Howard said he doesn't think they need to do that. Bobo also called in and asked if he could be part of that final day but Howard thinks that he would be distracted by his wig if he came in that day.
Another caller said that some of their conversation was blocked out when they were talking about David Lee Roth earlier. Gary told him that it was the use of the A-hole word that got censored out. Howard said there are plenty of radio guys who use that word on the air every day but he's got different rules. Artie said that Howard is like Al Capone to these guys and that's why he can't even use that word. That led to the guys talking about how there are certain people around the country who file complaints about his show and the government looks at it as if they were thousands of complaints. Meanwhile they're missing the other radio shows that are using the a-hole word and talking about sex.
Howard plans on doing David Letterman's show tomorrow night and doing a direct sales pitch for satellite radio. He was even suggesting that they don't have Dave on with him at all because he's going to be taking over the show. Artie asked if they do a pre-interview with him because they insist on doing one with him when he does Conan O'Brien's show. Howard told Artie he doesn't need to do Conan's show and if they won't let him on without the pre-interview, then he doesn't need that. Howard said he doesn't do pre-interviews with Letterman because he's got enough credibility that they allow him to go on and do his thing. He had to take a break a short time after that.
Gary said he had a thought in mind for this but he's not sure he wants to be the one who goes there. Howard wanted to pick someone they know who can hold the stories until they move and someone who won't reveal the stories. Some of the guys thought that Will Murray would be the one to do that job but others thought that he would reveal them. Fred was one of the guys who said he didn't trust Will. Howard also said that he gets drunk and might start talking so Robin said she doesn't trust Will.
Howard told Will that he'd have to go through the stories and make sure that everyone's stories are pretty shocking. Will thinks he'd be a good judge for that but Robin was still saying she didn't want to use him. Howard said the guys could go to Will one by one and tell him the story they want to use. He would then have to figure out if all of the stories are equal. Artie said that he's told some stories on the show that aren't even close to being right for this thing. He said that he's got a story in mind and it would be a pretty crazy story.
Howard wants to make sure that the bit works well and everyone is equal when they read the stories. Robin still isn't sure about trusting Will though. Gary figures that Sal the Stockbroker probably has the deepest, darkest stories to tell. Howard invited Sal and Richard to come in so they could find out if they were up for this. Richard said his story is so bad that he's not sure he'd want his parents to hear it when they move over to satellite so he may not buy them a tuner for Christmas. Sal said he has about 3 stories that he's thinking about telling. He said the stories would all hurt people in his life though. He said he'd actually like to crush those people though so it's sounding better and better the more they talk about it.
Howard said that the guys have to think about something really crazy to talk about and get really dark. Robin said she was having trouble going to a dark place like that. She said she thinks she put all of her dark secrets in her book years ago. She's not sure she'd have a story to tell. Gary reminded Howard that they once did something on the show where he suggested that they all take pictures of their testicles and only one guy, Billy West, actually did it and got goofed on. That's what the guys are kind of afraid of with this plan.
Artie said he was going to have to consult a lawyer about what he wants to talk about. He said that the statute of limitations may not be up on his story. Howard thinks that his confession would lead to lots of on air discussion. He thinks his is good but won't wreck his life. He is having trouble admitting it but it won't be devastating. Gary is afraid that Artie is going to blow everyone else's story out of the water and then they'll all have to dig deeper and tell another story. Howard told Will that he's got to use his judgment and measure the story person-by-person since not everyone will have a crazy story.
Fred was very quiet during this conversation so Howard asked him what he was thinking. Fred said that he doesn't want to ruin his kid's life by revealing something crazy and someone like Sal wouldn't care about doing something like that. Howard said the story doesn't have to be that devastating. That got Gary thinking about the story he wanted to tell and how it might effect his kids.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Artie that the statute of limitations on some crimes is a very long time so he may get himself in trouble. Artie told Dominic that he never killed anyone or anything like that so it's not going to be that crazy. Dominic also told Howard about how his boom box was spreading the signal from his ''Eh, Ehh, Ehh'' radio to a car near him and the guy came over and threatened him because of it. He was listening to Heidi Cortez's show last night and didn't know that the radio has an FM Modulator built in that spreads the signal that far out.
Governor Whitman wanted to call in and wish Howard luck with his move to satellite. She said that he will have a lot of freedom over there and that's what he needs. Whitman said that freedom of expression is a good thing and that's why she calls the show even though her advisors have suggested that she not call them.
Howard had a clip from 1993 where Whitman called the show for the first time to get Howard's endorsement. Whitman was the first one to call in after Howard put the word out that he'd support the first person who called in who was running for Governor.
Whitman told Howard that she still gets people coming up to her and telling her they heard about her on his show. She said that the election was very close, both times, and she needed those extra votes that Howard's fans provided. She told Howard that she was the first person since 1947 to beat an incumbent so it was no small feat.
Howard also asked Governor Whitman to name a rest stop after him if she won the election and she came through for him. Howard played the clip where Whitman came in the studio and told him that they were dedicating the rest stop to him. That was in 1995. Whitman caught a lot of flack from other politicians over that. The plaque that they put up at the rest stop was eventually stolen and sent to Howard anonymously. Artie jokingly said that stealing that sign was the cliffhanger he was thinking of using earlier in the show. Howard thanked Whitman for sticking to her word and actually presenting that plaque to him. He thought that was great and she didn't deserve the flack she got over it because she paid for it with her own money.
Howard talked to Christy about working with President Bush and why she left. Howard said he was glad that she admitted that she stepped down because she was being ignored by the Bush administration. Robin asked Whitman about the audio they have of her back pedaling and saying she's really not a fan of Howard's. She said that she believes that Howard has the right to say what he wants to and she gets upset when these people go after him for the things they've gone after him for.
Howard asked Whitman about this Governor McGreevy and what she thought about him coming out as being gay. Whitman said that she doesn't believe that his being gay had any effect on his ability to govern the state. It was the other stuff that came out about him that got him in trouble. Gary asked Whitman if she will show up in any political office again. She said she's got this book (It's My Party, Too: The Battle for the Heart of the GOP and the Future of America) out now and she's trying to do more stuff out of office than she could do in office.
Whitman admitted that she's not a listener of Howard's but she believes that he has the right to be on the air. Whitman said she listens to the news in the morning and doesn't listen to Howard's show at all. Gary came in a minute later with the tape of her talking about Howard on Bill Maher's show. Maher asked Whitman for her thoughts on Howard being taken off the air by Clear Channel. Whitman really didn't bad mouth Howard, she was just telling Maher that she wasn't a listener of his. Robin said that it wasn't nearly as bad as she remembered it being and she was glad they cleared that up. Howard let Whitman go and said he was glad to have heard from her today.
Artie said he remembers the days when Howard was endorsing Whitman and how he and his buddies would have voted for her if they could have.
Howard said the guys are all going to come up with stories and if things don't work out, they'll drop the whole idea. They all have to come up with something pretty crazy, but not all that nuts. Howard thinks that his story would make the papers but it wouldn't be devastating.
Artie said he's afraid that he's going to end up in jail for his revelation while Howard might admit to having purchased something from a Martha Stewart catalog. Robin thinks that she should be the one who looks at the revelations to figure out if they're all equal.
Howard said that it was Sal who sent him a note last night and suggested that they all reveal something. That's what led to this whole thing. He didn't think he had anything to share but after thinking about it, he came up with this revelation. Robin seems to think that it's not going to be all that crazy though. Howard told her that he believes that it will make the newspapers. Artie said that what he has would make the front page of the newspapers.
Howard wanted to have all of the stories by next Friday but Will said they don't have a show next week since it's Thanksgiving. Gary said they should have everything ready by the Monday they return from vacation.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about what happened over at the SIRIUS studios yesterday when Siobhan the transsexual showed up and decided to sign a board they had hanging up there for big artists only. Siobhan ended up signing in the spot that was reserved for Garth Brooks and caused a lot of trouble. Howard played some of the news report from Howard 100 News where Steve Leeds was explaining what happened and how pissed off he was about it. Steve said that Siobhan told him that she was a classic Wack Packer and thought she should be able to sign her name on there. Another guy explained how they walked Garth Brooks over to the board to sign the designated spot but it was already taken up by a picture of a cat. Garth had to get on his knees to sign in another open space so they were kind of embarrassed by the whole thing. Shuli asked Siobhan about what she did and if she understood why people were so upset about it. She didn't have a clue. She said she's been with Howard's show since 1986 so her name should absolutely be up there. She said she'd still do it if she had the chance.
Shuli called in and told Howard he was fine with whatever Liz tells him. He also told Howard how disturbing it was to meet Siobhan yesterday. He described her as looking like a cross between a really ugly woman and the Indian chief from ''One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.''
Howard asked that the news team leave him alone before he goes on with Letterman tomorrow night because he needs to collect his thoughts. He doesn't mind a reporter hanging out but he needs some space. He's also heard from SIRIUS that they don't want him mentioning the In Demand show when he's on there but of course he's going to do that. He has a lot of stuff in the works and he's going to promote it all.
Howard said it dawned on him last night that he won't have a dump button being used on him when they move. He said he's not going to be used to that. Robin said that it's great to hear the news people on Howard 100 News using curse words and talking like normal people.
Howard read a note he got from the program director out at their Los Angeles affiliate. Bob had some very nice words for Howard and thanked him for everything they've done. Howard said that's the kind of letter he should be getting from all of these guys instead of them bashing his show.
Gary threw Howard another classic interview where Stuttering John interviewed Sir Andre Previn. John first asks him who he is which freaks out a lot of celebrities. John pisses him off so much that he tells him to ''Oh, get away from me... you and your jerky questions, you bloody fool.''
Gary had another Stuttering John interview with Tom Landry where just about every single question was about his hat. After that they played another interview that John did with Werner Klemperer from ''Hogan's Heroes.'' Klemperer said a lot of ''No comment'' and the classic line ''Will you stop it, are you out of your mind?'' that Fred still uses once in a while during the show.
Howard changed the subject for a minute and brought up this issue of GQ that Jennifer Aniston is appearing on. She's showing the side of her boob in the picture and trying to be sexy but it's just not her. She's not very sexual but she does look good in the pictures. Howard thinks it's kind of weird how women are willing to show the side of their boob and not the whole thing.
Howard had a couple of great performances that people have done on his show that he was going to retire. Anne Previn came in and performed the song ''Torn'' live in the studio so he played that. Howard said that song had a lot of meaning to him because he dated a woman right after his divorce and they'd listen to it all the time. It also made him think about his wife as well.
Howard played a Green Day performance of ''Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)'' that was performed there in the studio. Howard said he was very proud that he got bands to play acoustically when he got into radio. He believes that it was because of his show that bands started playing acoustically on TV shows and other radio shows. Robin remembers going to cover some award show and how they were the only ones who had bands playing acoustically but within the week there were 50 bands playing the same way on other radio shows.
Everlast performed a song on the show so Howard played some of that performance and retired it. Artie said he wanted to hear some of John Mellencamp's performance from years ago so Howard played a little bit of that. Howard said it would take him forever to get through all of the songs he had. He played quite a bit of the John Mellencamp medley he had even after cutting off some of the others pretty quick. Artie said that was one of his favorite moments on the show. Gary also thought that it was one of the biggest guests they've had on the show who let them call out songs.
Howard played a couple more songs from Aerosmith, the Cowsills and Dave Grohl who performed ''My Hero'' live in the studio. Howard said that may have been his favorite performance ever.
Gary Garver was on the phone so Howard talked to him a little bit about the interviews they had just played earlier. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who said it's really tough not hearing his show where he lives so he's looking forward to the new place. The guy said he couldn't really afford it so Howard gave him a $500 prize. He had a feeling he knew where he was going with the phone call so he gave in and threw him the $500. Howard took another call from a woman who had some more requests for stuff that they could play. Howard said he'd try to get some of that stuff on tomorrow. They'll be kicking it into high gear over the next 17 shows and playing lots of old bits.
Vinnie Favale's wife Debbie called in and said that her husband can't call in because he has a guy sleeping on his shoulder. She said that he had some song requests but Howard told her they were done with them for today.
Captain Janks called in and said that another great song was Elton John's song about Howard. The guys remembered that the song was actually recorded outside of the show so they could actually take that one with them. Howard played the song anyway since Janks had brought it up. Elton sang about what a great guy Howard was and how he hadn't left his wife which was kind of out dated. It was also before Howard was on TV so Elton was singing ''Why won't they let Howard Stern on TV?'' Howard said that the amazing part of that song was that Elton was scheduled to go into the hospital the next day to get an operation on his throat. He ignored his doctor's orders and performed the song anyway. Howard said that they'll play more stuff tomorrow and had Robin start her news.
During the news Howard read an e-mail from someone who suggested that he play his old stuff when he moves to the new place and let Infinity sue him. Most of the jury would probably be fans of his anyway so they'd probably have him settle for an amount that was pretty fair. Infinity wants $40 million from Howard to take those old bits with him to the new place.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard to play the ''Scotty From the Block'' song parody so Howard told him he'd do that first thing tomorrow morning.
Ralph called in at one point and asked how Fred is able to get the sound effects in that he does. Robin had read story and said that it had been ''simmering'' and Fred had a bubbling sound effect ready to go as soon as Robin said it. Howard said that he should get a camera on him for the In Demand show so they can see how he works his magic back there. He asked Ralph if he had his clothes ready for the Letterman appearance tomorrow and it sounded like he wasn't quite done with it. Howard had to get the show over with so he had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 10:40am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he'll be on David Letterman's show tonight. He always gets crazy on the days he has to do shows like that but he doesn't have time to get crazy today. He's going to be talking about all of the new stuff he has going on with the new shows and programming he has coming out. They have Tissue Time with Heidi Cortez and other things coming on soon.
Howard said he listened to the Howard 100 News last night and got sucked into that whole thing. He said they're having trouble with a few things over there and he ends up yelling at his radio. He said the news team dug up Alex Bennett and found out that he was one of the first to get acoustic performances in his studio. Howard had been talking about that during the show yesterday and how he thought he was the originator of that type of radio.
Howard told Beth about what he was going to reveal for the big cliff hanger they're planning for the last day of their current radio show. He said that Sal and Richard approached him about that cliff hanger thing and Tom ended up coming up to him and saying that he didn't like the idea of a cliff hanger. He had to explain to him that the show is over and the cliff hanger isn't going to get any new people to sign on with the new place. He explained to Tom that he's going to get big ratings for them in the final weeks of the show and he should be happy with that. Tom said he doesn't like having to have these conversations. Because of this conversation Howard said that he's not going to have the cliff hanger, he'll just save it all for the new place.
There's also some controversy about Howard's final walk from the current studio to the new studio over at SIRIUS. Howard doesn't seem to think that Tom gets that the show is over and he's leaving. Tom suggested that Howard do the stories and pay off of the cliff hanger on the same show. Howard agreed to do that but didn't tell Tom that he wasn't going to reveal the cliff hanger that day. He said he may have to stop being honest because it's killing him to deal with this stuff. He told Tom that they're putting their asses on the line with the stories and Tom isn't getting the whole concept.
Howard said Tom thinks that all of his listeners are going to follow them over for the cliff hanger and that's not going to be the case. He wishes that would happen but it's not going to. He said he's been trying to come up with some great ideas for the final show and he can't even do that. They were going to walk from their current studio to the new studio on the final day but now Tom is saying that they can't walk all the way there. Howard even threatened not to come in for that final day at all. He may call in sick.
Howard said that they've booked Jackie the Joke Man for the second to last show but all Tom is worried about is his After Party. Howard said he doesn't care about his After Party because the show will be done at that point. He told Tom to cancel it. He said he loves the place where Tom booked the party but he'd prefer it at a place like Nobu.
Bobo called in and asked Tom what was wrong with him and why he's trying to ruin the last show. Tom wasn't in the room so he was wasting his breath. Howard told Bobo that Tom was out planning his After Party. He said he really doesn't care about an after party when this other crap is going on with Tom. Howard was also saying that he knows that the people who replace him aren't going to bust their balls like he's had to do over the years.
Howard said he got pissed off at Bobo last night when he heard the news. He said that Bobo was complaining about not getting invited into the studio for the final show. Meanwhile, Bobo has been on Howard 100 and doing shows over there. Joey Boots was kind of bummed that he didn't get invited in either but he took it like a man. Zolar is pissed but he's always pissed off according to Howard.
Gary came in and asked if he could make the big announcement about how they have booked Jackie for the second to last show but Howard had already mentioned it. That led to the guys talking about Jackie and how he seems to be making a bigger deal out of this thing than he should be. Bobo suggested that Tom forget about this After Party and just give Howard his tapes. Howard said that won't happen even after all of the money he's put in himself to save those old show tapes.
King off All Blacks called in and said that he really could have screwed Tom over on the final show by not revealing the cliff hanger stuff on the final day but he's so honest that he wouldn't even do that. Howard said that every idea he has gets screwed up by Tom. He wondered why they've kept him on the air all this time if they won't let him do anything like this. Howard went on to say that they'll talk about everyone's stories that final week and ''if they have time'' they'll give the cliff hanger revelations on that Friday, December 16th.
Howard said he's also going to be walking from the studio to the new studio on December 16th wether Tom wants him to or not. If he has to, he'll call in and talk to Robin on his phone.
Will came in and told Howard that Sal the Stockbroker had given him the story that he was going to tell and if they're all up to that standard, they're going to be great stories. Artie said Sal had told him the story as well but that's not what the plan was. Howard wanted everyone to keep their stories secret so everyone could react to them on the air. Howard said he would like to tell his story today but they should keep them secret and share them all together. Fred said that he told his wife about the story he was going to share and her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
The guys talked about some of the news reports they had on Howard 100 News last night. One of them was from Mr. X who said that Robin cries when she goes to the dentist. Artie's girlfriend Dana cleans his ears for him. That's the kind of revelations they were sharing with the news team but they need stuff better than that.
Howard loaded up some audio from the Heidi Cortez show on his iPod and started to listen to that. He was also looking at her pictures and ended up getting turned on by it. That led to him pleasuring himself to the Tissue Tom with Heidi Cortez show since Beth was asleep. He didn't want to wake her up by making noise doing that.
Howard described how he was wearing his iPod with his ear buds in and how the cord was all tangled up. He was afraid that he was going to wake someone so he had to keep one ear bud out so he could hear if Beth woke up. He asked that the news team not call Beth for a comment on this today and to give him a break.
Howard said he was in the bathroom with the one ear bud in with the iPod tucked into his underpants. He was standing there and pulling up his underpants to get to his junk. Then he had to turn down the iPod because it was too loud and that turned into a whole ordeal. He tried not to look in the mirror of the bathroom because he knows how ridiculous he looks.
Howard said once Heidi got into her moaning, he was done in 2 seconds. Then he looked at himself and got disgusted with himself. He's 51 years old with 3 kids and that's what he's busy doing at 1:30 in the morning. Then he thought about how great the Heidi Cortez show was because it actually worked for him. He didn't bother to clean up after that, he just flushed his tissues and put his underpants on. He had to change them this morning because of the mess he'd made. He finished up that story and went to commercial.
Artie said that he just told Will the cliff hanger story that he was going to use next month and it might not be up to the standards that the other stories are at. Will told Howard that his story is in so Howard wanted to tell Will his story as well so he knows them all. Howard thinks that his story will haunt him for years to come. Gary said that will happen to him as well. Howard decided to tell Will his story at that point so he was going to go to break. Will had heard Sal, Artie and Scott the Engineer's stories that they'll be using for that cliff hanger show and they're all good so far. Howard went to break right after that so he could share his story with Will.
Gary hasn't told his story yet so he'll be telling Will his story later on as well. Howard said that he's not sure how the cliff hanger will work right now since Tom demanded that they not leave it a cliff hanger. He also talked about the walk from the old studio to the new studio and how they're not going to let him walk all the way there.
Howard said that the audience at Letterman is usually filled with rubes who want to be entertained so he will have to be funny and just play it by ear. Hook Nose said that he'll see Howard down there at Letterman later on and then he'll be on the Super Fan Round Table tonight on Howard 100.
Gary got Howard back on track and brought up some of the musical moments that they've done on the show. He said that The Losers (Howard and the other guys) songs are one aspect of the show that they haven't really gotten to. They have to retire all of that stuff so Howard played The Losers performance with Barry Williams where they performed ''Rhythm of the Night.'' It was very early Losers stuff and it was really horrible musically. Barry Williams tried to sing while Scott the Engineer was on drums, Howard was on steel drum and Fred was on guitar.
Howard played another Losers performance where they played for James Brown. Gary was on trumpet during that performance and attempted to play the instrument that he played when he was a kid. It didn't sound all that great though. James Brown went along with it and didn't seem to have a problem with the awful trumpet playing.
Gary had Howard play The Losers version of ''Court of the Crimson King'' to show off his talents since he was goofing on his trumpet playing. They also played a little bit of their ''Herdy Gerdy Man'' performance which was probably one of their best ever.
Artie said they also had the ''Spirit in the Sky'' performance and goofed on that a little bit. Howard said Artie was pissed because he had to kick him out of the band for that song. He said that Artie was actually ruining that song during rehearsals. Howard played some of that song and then talked about The Losers performance on The Magic Johnson show. He said that show was such a train wreck that he had to get on the show and perform. They had The Losers and a couple of farters and queefers. The whole crew flew out there to appear on the show. He went through the story about how everything went and how great it turned out to be. He made sure to tell the farters to make sure that they could fart and everything worked out. Howard played The Losers performance of Wipe Out from the Magic Johnson show and Gary told him that they can actually bring that tape with them to the new place because it was something that was taped from Magic's show. All of that took place on network television and it would be tough to make that happen again these days since the FCC would probably fine them for the farting.
Howard played ''Bang a Gong'' which was another Losers performance. Howard heard that and said that it was so bad that they shouldn't have beaten any celebrity band with that. He played a short clip of that and then played their version of ''Old Man'' which wasn't all that horrible. Howard said he listens to that and thinks that it could have been a hit song.
Howard once came up with an original song that The Losers performed but it wasn't all that great. Howard said he kind of liked it but after hearing a minute of it, he cut it off and said that was enough. Robin remembered that John really liked that song back then and thought he and Fred could turn it into a hit.
Howard said that The Losers eventually turned into The Backside Boys. They performed a couple of songs but never out in public. He played their version of ''Backside's Back'' which was a goof on a Backstreet Boys song. Howard remembers how great Scott the Engineer did engineering that song. He said that they always goof on Scott but he really is a great engineer there. Scott came in and thanked Howard for that. He told Howard that he loves him and appreciates everything he's done for him. That led to Fred playing the ''Scott From the Block'' song parody that they created about him. Scott had to produce that song after watching Fred perform it. He and Howard spent a minute talking about that before Howard had to take another break.
Howard had Evil Dave Letterman sitting in this morning so he talked to him as if he were the real Dave Letterman. Robin said that she's going to be stopping by the Letterman show tonight to see Howard do his thing. Evil Dave was asking Howard if he could get a peek at his father's private parts because he's heard that he's hung.
Gary came in and told Howard that he told Will a couple of stories for the Cliff Hanger show. He has one story that will work and one that won't but now he has to talk to his wife and find out if it's okay that he reveal the story on the air. Even if he doesn't reveal it, Will knows the story. Howard explained how they were going to have all of these stories told in the final week of shows and then reveal who told them when they move to the new place. Tom Chiusano dropped the bomb on them this morning saying that he didn't want them doing the bit like that unless they reveal all of the stories there. Now they're thinking of sharing the stories for when they make the move.
Evil Dave had some secret stories to tell but they weren't about him. He had some joke answers for him. Howard had mentioned that they had 19 minutes and 30 seconds worth of commercials to run this hour. That led to Gary reading some notes from about 22 days ago when he and Tom had a conversation about the amount of commercials they're running in the final weeks of the show. Tom said they never go over 18 minutes but it's obvious that was wrong.
Howard talked about how frustrating it is for him to do shows when Tom is telling him he can't do the cliff hanger thing and other stuff. He also took a call from Vinnie Favale who told Howard he has to get to the Letterman taping at 4:30 this afternoon. Howard said he has an appointment before then because he thought he was going to be shooting the show at 5:30. Vinnie said that this is a huge appearance for him and he has to be there before the taping starts. Howard said he's not sure what he's going to do. Evil Dave was yelling at Vinnie as if he was the real Dave and goofing on him.
Tom Chiusano came in and explained to him about the commercials they run and how it wasn't 19 minutes in one hour like Howard thought. Howard also talked to Tom about the cliff hanger show and decided that they were going to hold off until the new place to do the bit. He said that his final show is just going to be a sucky show instead.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who reminded him about a bit they did where they played animal sex sounds since human sex sounds were giving them problems. Howard played some of those clips for the caller since he mentioned them. Richard had given Howard the CD of sounds but didn't have the list of what animals they were. They joked about some of them. The caller said he thought the elephant clip was the best.
Howard mentioned a story about Pam Anderson to set Evil Dave up for a joke about her but he didn't read it right. That led to the guys talking about the guy who actually plays Evil Dave and how he's trying to get over to Letterman's show to see Howard on over there. Evil Dave went into his real voice for the first time on air but Howard didn't like it so he had him get back into character.
Howard said that Gary is featured in a Daily News article about their On Demand show that people can order today. Howard's On Demand show goes live tomorrow.
Howard read a letter from Peggy Panash who has worked with them for years. She said that her most memorable moment is when Howard walked into her office wearing his Fart Man costume many years ago. Howard quickly went through the letter and then moved on to retire some more musical performances.
Howard wanted to retire some more musical performances after that but he got sidetracked with the Keith Olbermann clip that he had played yesterday. He replayed that clip again where Olbermann talks about the worst people in the world and mentioned Rush Limbaugh as being one of them because he offers to give the troops subscriptions to his newsletter but other people have to pay for the subscriptions for the troops. Rush still gets the money for the subscriptions. Howard goofed on Rush for a little while as he had done on yesterday's show. They goofed on the way Rush bangs on his console as he's talking. Fred threw in some extra banging sounds after each time Rush would bang on his console. They went to break after goofing on Rush for a short time.
Jesse got in some plugs for her latest movie ''Pirates'' and mentioned that they had the ship from Pirates of the Caribbean. Howard said that he could shoot a video in a $200 hotel room and sell just as many videos as a big production film like that. Jesse said that there are people out there who are looking to see adult movies with story lines though.
Howard talked to Jesse about how she's making money because these porn movies can't be paying all that much. She said that she does dance and stuff but she's no millionaire. Jesse said that she's working on a bunch of things right now and she is making good money. She was asked if she would sleep with a guy if she was offered a million bucks. She said she was once offered $200,000 and turned that down because she doesn't want to be a hooker.
Howard moved on to this game that they were playing to give away a trip to the AVN Awards out in Las Vegas. He had four women, Jasmine, Morgan, Sheryl and Stephanie. They all have boyfriends who want to win the trip to the AVN Awards. Paul Fishbein explained how this is a big award show for the adult film world and it's a lot of fun. Howard told the women that they may not want to participate in this game because they have Jeff Levy the Vomit Guy coming in. He wants to be vomited on by women so that's why the girls were there.
Jeff the Vomit Guy told the women how he enjoys seeing women vomit on him and how hard it is to find women to do it. He said that hookers aren't working these days so he's now moved up to a dominatrix which costs him between $150 and $600. Howard told the ladies that the first one to vomit on Jeff would win the trip to the AVN Awards out in Las Vegas. Jeff admitted that he's never gotten laid in his 48 years on this world and he knows that he's a misfit but this is what he enjoys. It sounds like he's not looking to have sex either.
Howard asked each woman, one by one, if they would attempt this. Jasmine, Morgan and Sheryl said they would give it a try. They were all looking to go out to Vegas. Sheryl was good looking enough for Jesse and said she was into other women even though her husband isn't into that kind of thing. Stephanie was the only one who said she didn't think she'd be able to do it. She's never been able to vomit before so she wasn't going to even try.
Howard said goodbye to Stephanie and had Jeff take off his clothes and lay on the floor so he could prepare for the vomiting. He was completely naked and smelled really bad according to Richard Christy. Jeff said that he does bathe and wasn't aware that he was smelly. He also had some zits on his ass that the guys pointed out.
Jeff got on the floor and Howard told the girls that on the count of three he was going to tell them to go and the first one to actually vomit would win the trip. One of the girls asked if she could use her finger to make herself vomit. Howard said that was fine but Artie said he thinks they could just look at the guy and throw up. Gary gets to the point where he just about vomits when Jeff comes in but Howard likes to keep him in there. He gave the countdown and all three girls tried to puke on him. You could hear the gagging sounds coming from some of the girls but it wasn't coming out very quickly. They continued to try but there was only a little ''pre-puke'' according to Sal. Then Jasmine hurled on him and they had a winner.
Richard Christy saw the vomit and started to gag himself. Then he puked on Jeff as well. Artie was laughing hysterically as Richard gagged and puked over and over again. Jeff was still talking to himself and wouldn't shut up. Richard said he couldn't watch him rub the vomit on himself, that's what made him sick. Artie said that Jeff was saying that he's not into the guys vomiting on him as it was happening. He said he's a heterosexual.
Howard told Jasmine that she had just won the trip for 2 to the AVN Awards out in Vegas. Jasmine said she did this for her ''master'' and he didn't know about it yet. Richard Christy was still getting sick as he watched Jeff rubbing in the vomit on his chest. He started to gag as Jeff was describing how much he loves the vomit thing and rubbed it in. Richard said that was the worst thing he's ever seen. He looked at his soaking wet chest and started to get sick. Howard had him look even more which made him get sick again. He ended up puking on Jeff again because he was so grossed out. Richard said it was his smell that got to him as well.
A listener called in and said this was disgusting but also hilarious to listen to. Paul Fishbein refused to look over at the vomiting. Howard asked the girls what went wrong and why they weren't able to vomit. They thanked Howard for having them in. Gary kept running out of the studio because he was grossed out by it so Howard tried to get him to look at him. Gary said that it was really gross and it was in his hair and stuff. Howard gave the other contestants $500 prizes for coming in. He also gave Jeff a $500 prize. Jeff said that it was an honor and a privilege to have been vomited on.
Jesse Jane said that it was pretty gross but she could take it and didn't get sick. Jeff got in a bunch of plugs for HowardShrine.com and his web site JeffTheVomitGuy.com. Howard gave Paul and Jesse some plugs, PiratesXXX.com, JesseJane.com and AVN.com, and then went to break.
The guys were a bit confused by the In Demand and On Demand terms. Howard's show is listed as ''Howard Stern On Demand'' but the company offering the show is called In Demand. The official name of the show is Howard Stern On Demand. Howard still seemed a bit confused by it especially after Richard tried to explain it to him. Artie goofed on him about the explanation he gave him.
Richard said that Eric kept putting his arm around him last night and his shoulder would be covered in sweat each time. Eric claims that it was actually Richard who was putting his arm around him. Richard mentioned that he's got to work with Eric on the Super Twink movie they're making because he's playing the villain. Artie is also going to be in the movie playing the part of a plumber. He hasn't gotten a copy of the script yet. Howard wondered if it's going to be good or not. Richard said that it will be funny.
Artie told Howard about something that happened during lunch yesterday. He said he, Benjy and Richard went to a diner and at one point, Benjy accidentally spit a piece of food into Richard's water. Richard saw it and pointed it out but didn't ask for a new water. Richard said he would have drank the water since the food was sitting on top of it and the straw was down below... plus he thinks that Benjy is clean and it wouldn't kill him.
Howard had pointed out that JD appears in the Super Twink movie with his shirt off and he's really out of shape. He had him lift up the shirt to show Robin but he was apparently sucking in his stomach. He ran out of the studio a short time later. Howard had Robin start her news a short time later.
Mike Gange (who now works at In Demand) called in and told Howard that the name of the company who produces his show is In Demand and they offer his show ''on demand.'' The name of the service is Howard Stern On Demand so what Richard was telling him before was completely backwards. Howard said that he was with his daughter last night so he couldn't make it to the party. Mike told him that they thought about throwing him another launch party since he couldn't make it. Howard told him that wasn't necessary.
The caller also mentioned that there's a new Smallville on tonight so that led to them talking about last week's episode with the silver Kryptonite. Howard said that there is no such thing as silver Kryptonite so it was kind of lame. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Captain Janks called in and told Howard about a show he saw on Comcast Cable yesterday. The host of the show did a whole hour about Howard and his show and interviewed a couple of women who got breast implants through Howard's show. Howard said he wants to get tape of that so he can listen to it since the host had no idea what her guests were talking about according to Janks.
One phone caller told Howard that he used to love when Fred would play the Jackie the Joke Man laughs during tragic news stories so they did a few of those today. Robin found some tragic stories and read them so Fred could throw in the Jackie laughs like he used to. Howard said they used to get a lot of negative mail for Jackie back in those days so Jackie would try to defend himself by saying it wasn't him, it was Fred playing the clips. Fred would deny it to make people think it was really Jackie laughing at the stories.
Howard interrupted the Oasis song they were playing at the start of the show. He said it must have some meaning but he wasn't all that familiar with the lyrics. It was the ''Don't look back in anger'' lyrics that he thought were a bit of a stretch but still had some meaning. Gary has a list of songs for them to play at the start of the show and most of them don't work all that well. Gary said they have 15 shows left but not 15 different songs they can play to get the point across. It's only pieces of the songs that actually work for what they're trying to do. Howard said it all fell apart today with that song.
Howard said that it is kind of odd that CBS, which is owned by Viacom, just like Infinity is, can promote this appearance where he talks about satellite but the radio division suspends him to talking too much about it. It seems like it's just Joel and Tom who care about it.
Tom came in and ended up in an argument with Howard about the cliffhanger show that Tom has pretty much put a stop to. Howard wanted to do the revelation show on his final day there but Tom doesn't want him to promote his move by doing that and leaving people with a cliffhanger. Tom thinks that it's a tease for the new place and he doesn't want him to do it. Howard told him he's going to do it and if he doesn't want that, then tell him not to show up.
Tom told Howard that CBS TV doesn't get affected by this move that Howard is making so that's why they have no problem promoting the show. Howard said that it's ridiculous because he's not going on another radio station in the city to compete against them. Tom said that it's still called ''satellite RADIO'' so it is a competition. Howard told Tom that he can bleep the revelations on the final day if he wants but it won't make his fans happy so that might be a bad idea.
Howard said he hopes that Tom treats David Lee Roth this way and stifles his career like he's done to his. Howard kept pointing out that satellite radio is just a flea on the ass of the terrestrial radio industry and he has nothing to worry about. Howard offered to buy out every ad for the final show so they can allow him to do whatever he wants that last day without interruption. Tom figured Howard was very slick and worked into this very smoothly.
Howard said that he's offering to buy out all of the commercials on that final day and asked Tom why it's okay to let the other satellite radio company buy spots on the station. Tom didn't have an answer for him and said that he isn't able to think. Howard told him he's bumming everyone out with that stuff. Howard asked Tom why they'd be against that offer. Tom said that they've already committed to the other advertisers but Howard said he's seen him change his mind last minute with other advertising so that's not true.
Tom kept telling Howard that this is their anniversary (20 years) with the company and he wanted to talk about that instead. Howard said he didn't want to talk about that and his real anniversary starts when he moves to the new place. He kicked Tom out of the studio and said he really has other things to get to.
Howard wants to make one last great show with the revelation show but he can't even do that. He said he was just going to tease everyone with the revelations and not even bother to tell people the final answers when they move to satellite. Maybe no one will follow him over there and he'll be forgotten within months. Then he could do whatever he wants and no one will hear it.
Howard thinks it's hypocritical for his company to take advertising from XM satellite but not from Sirius. It doesn't make any sense. Another caller thought that Dave Letterman was interrupting him too much on his show. Howard said that he enjoyed the show and thought Dave did what he had to do for his show. Howard wanted to talk about Tissue Time with Heidi Cortez and Dave may have been a little bit uptight with that. That's what people want to see though so he tried to talk about the show with him.
Gary said that Dave never talks about anything sexual with Howard but that's what makes things uncomfortable and fun to watch. Howard said he heard from Beth that Gary was beaming as he was talking about how they were going to make the show great again once they move.
What Howard would have liked to have done is talk to the audience directly about his move but he just can't do that on Letterman's show. Gary wondered if Howard actually leaned in and talked to Dave during the commercial break on Letterman's show. He said he did talk to him but there isn't all that much that they say off camera. He said that Letterman shakes his hand when he first goes out and thanks him for being there like he's never been there before. He said that during the first commercial break Dave asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about that he hasn't talked about before. Howard mentioned his suspension and then he was worn out from yelling over the music they play.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Dave about the 60 Mintues interviews that he's done but Dave kind of cut him off while he was talking about it. Gary said Dave cut him off at one point and changed subjects so they wouldn't talk about the Heidi Cortez show. Howard knew that Dave was cutting him off on purpose so he eventually gave up.
Howard played some of the audio from the Letterman appearance but it wasn't quite what he was looking for. Dave asked Howard about his marriage and if he plans on getting married again. He and Dave talked about how they both feel the same way about marriage and don't really know if they should ever marry again. Howard talked to Dave about his woman and if her family hates that they're not married. Dave said he's pretty sure they do and called his son a bastard.
The caller Howard had on the line said that they should have brought Evil Dave with him to Letterman's show. Gary said that the most uncomfortable part of the show yesterday was when Evil Dave suggested that he take his David Letterman mask with him and wear it on the show. Dave just doesn't get it.
Howard had to take a break so he mentioned they had Alanis Morissette and Jimmy Kimmel coming in a little later. He went to break right after that.
Howard said that Gary told him that Tom just won't admit that the only reason they won't take advertising from Eh, Ehh, Ehh, is just because of him, not for any other reason. They have a bias against him and that's that. The caller that was on from before the break was still on after the break. Howard had no idea that he left him there through the whole break. He told the guy he had to get going and took some other calls.
A listener called in and thanked Howard for the 17 years of shows that he's listened to. Howard told the guy he should have been listening even before that but the guy said he's only 34 so he didn't know about it before then. Howard asked him what kind of bits he wanted to hear so the guy suggested a couple of things and called Tom a douche bag.
Howard said the guys talked about the people who should be on the final shows and Dominic Barbara's name came up. The guests on the Round Table show were all debating whether or not Dominic should be allowed to come in or not. Howard said it was kind of tough to hear that.
Bobo said he watched the local CBS news last night and said he didn't know that Beth used to be a skit girl on Letterman's show. Howard said that was a weird thing because once they learned that Beth was dating him, they kind of phased her out of the show. He said that Beth is kind of hurt over that because she really enjoyed doing it. She played Dave's wife at one point on the show and used to play the announcer's girlfriend and stuff like that. Howard thinks that they dropped her because of him. He said he called Vinnie Favale at one point and asked him what they're afraid of. Beth wasn't going to tell him anything about what went on behind the scenes or anything like that. She's not a gossiping type of person so there was nothing that they should have been worrying about.
Howard said that Vinnie won't admit that dating him is what got her phased out. The guys figure that Vinnie is the company man and he's such a company man that he will even avoid talking to Howard about why she was fired. Howard said Dave was really nice last night and even called him after the show to thank him for doing the show. Vinnie called ahead of time to let him know that Dave was going to call and wondered how Dave could get through to him. He told Vinnie to have Dave call the same number and he'd pick up.
Dave didn't call right away like Vinnie told him he would so he started to eat and forgot about the call. He said that people must think that he has a really glamorous life or something. He usually sits at home, works and eats. He only goes out on Saturday nights.
Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard what a hassle his phone answering machine is and how he has to jump through hoops to get through to him. He was also telling Howard that there really isn't a conspiracy with Beth being let go from the show. He said they dropped the Viewer Mail thing and that's when they dropped Beth because they didn't have the chance to do skits and stuff as much as they used to. Robin thought it was kind of suspicious timing for that. Howard told Vinnie that he'll never convince him it wasn't because of him dating her that got her fired. Vinnie swears that's not the reason.
Vinnie asked Howard what he thought about himself on the show in High-Def. Howard doesn't have high-def so he doesn't know how he looked but he's no looking to be in high-def. That led to him talking about how he has his On Demand show available now so he tuned in last night and saw the variety of shows that are available and it was great. He said he can't believe he has his own ''channel'' there. He and Beth tuned in to watch the Gary ''I want you back'' tape since Beth had never seen it before. Howard said he never imagined that he'd have his own channel.
Gary told Howard that he was watching some of the old shows and how great it is that they can watch them uncensored. There was a lot of stuff that they blocked out on E! and now they can show it all uncensored. Artie said he went over to In Demand and heard that they're going to put together a special just about Jeff the Drunk not leaving and make a whole show out of it. They can re-cut stuff and make all new shows out of it. He thought it was amazing that they have all of this old footage to go through and they can do whatever they want with it. (Visit InDemand.com for more on Howard Stern On Demand.)
Howard said he's still going through his childhood tapes so he can give them to the guys over at In Demand so they can put them on. Richard asked Vinnie what it would take to put his ''Debbie'' tapes on Howard's show. Vinnie said that Gary got a nice check for the video he gave up. Howard told him that he would get him a check as well if that's what it's going to take.
Howard said that Richard saw him at Letterman last night and asked him some lame questions. He said that Richard asked him a horrible question that he didn't have an answer for. It turns out that Fred wrote the question so Howard talked to him about that. Fred thought that the question would get Howard to sit down and think instead of just giving a joke answer.
Howard said that last night Jay Leno called up his buddy Jerry Seinfeld to help him out with his ratings because he was so afraid of Letterman beating him in the ratings. Gary mentioned that Stuttering John called him on his cell phone when he was with Howard at Letterman last night so when he told John where he was, he said it was like John's phone was Kryptonite to him and he had to get off the line immediately.
Howard told Alanis he liked her hair which was very long today. She said it was magical growing hair which meant that it was extensions. Howard liked the look though. He also talked to her about how thin she is and found out that she used to make herself vomit to keep her weight down. Howard asked her to demonstrate and wondered how anyone is able to make themselves vomit like that.
Artie was saying that there have been times when he's been drunk and had to make himself puke to feel better. Howard asked Alanis about her binging and purging as Fred was playing some of Richard Christy's puking sound effects. Alanis said that some of her friends called her out on the vomiting thing and she thanks them very much for that. Howard told her that she should end each concert with a vomiting. As he said that Fred played Richard's horrible sounding puke sound effect. Alanis told Howard that her vomiting has been over for about 12 years now and she's able to stay in shape without making herself vomit.
Howard told Alanis that they have just 15 live shows left on terrestrial radio so she asked him how that's going. Howard told her how excited he is about this new venture and how he never imagined doing what he's going to do. He also told her about the final show he wanted to do. He wants to walk his big furniture out of the studio and walk down to the new studio. He'll have his fans walking with him arm in arm as he makes the move.
Howard gave Alanis a plug for her new album ''The Collection'' which is out now. She also has a DVD coming out next month that will feature footage from her concerts over the past 11 years.
Howard asked Alanis more about how she got over the puking thing. She said she went to a shrink and got therapy. As they were talking about that Artie was petting Alanis' dog Skippy. That was odd because Artie isn't a big fan of dogs. Artie said he was digging her dog though. Howard said that he thinks Artie is a ''Star dog F'er'' because he wouldn't pet anyone else's dog.
Howard asked Alanis how she was going to perform ''Thank You'' and if she was going to be singing it to him or to his audience. She said she could do both and thank Howard for what he does and thank his audience for all of the great years of support. Alanis and her guitar player David Lavida then performed the song acoustically for them.
Howard and the guys thought the song was great and it gave Howard goose bumps. Howard was hoping that it would be more about him and not about India. He thanked Alanis for the great performance and said he'd like to hear her version of ''Crazy'' but he didn't want to put her on the spot to perform it live. He played the track off of her new album instead. He said he got goose bumps from that song as well but he wasn't sure if he was just cold or if the song was that good. He told Alanis that she's really good and gave her another plug for the album ''The Collection.'' He suggested that the fans go out and buy it or else she might start vomiting again thinking that she's not being accepted.
Howard invited Alanis to come up and see them when they make their move. She said she'd come up even after he warned her that he'd ask her some very sexual questions. He then asked her about her impending wedding and ended up talking about his own failed marriage. They spent a minute on that and then Howard wrapped up and went to break.
Howard thanked Tom and Joel Hollander because they sent him some bottles of Opus One wine to celebrate his 20th anniversary there at the company. Today was the anniversary and Howard thought that was very, very nice of them to do.
During the SFRT (Super Fan Round Table) the panel discussed the kind of money people must be making on the show. Howard's salary was left out because they figured they knew what he was making after reading it in the paper. Howard said that he's heard reports where they give amounts that are just ridiculous. If he made the kind of money they claimed, he'd have millions... but he doesn't. He talked about some of the other news reports that have him buying tons of property out in The Hamptons and he just doesn't do that. Gary asked Howard if he has more than $10 million in his bank account. Howard said that he's not going to answer that but he should have more than $300 million if you believe the quotes in the paper. He said he really doesn't have all that much.
Artie said that after hearing about his divorce, he thinks he knows how much he has. He said it's got to be between $80 and $100 million. Gary said that most reports would have you believe that Howard is making $500 million at SIRIUS but that's just not the case.
Howard tried to play some audio from last night's SFRT but the CD player wasn't working right. He eventually got it to work and listened to Jon Hein, Kevin Renzulli, Ralph Cirella, Lori the Hottest Fan winner and Hook Nose Mike all discussing what they think everyone on the show makes. Robin's salary was discussed and the guys think she's making somewhere in the high millions. Fred's salary was up next and they figured his salary had to be about the same as Robin's. Kevin figured it was less than a million but Ralph said it had to be a lot more than that. Howard thought the show was great and said this is the reason he can't leave his house anymore. He has to listen to this stuff.
Howard ran into more trouble with the equipment and had to start the CD from the beginning and then fast forward through it. He got to the point where they discussed Artie's salary. The panel ranged from $750,000 on up. Artie was cracking up and saying that the show was great. Howard says he doesn't know what kind of money anyone makes but Artie was willing to reveal it. He said he would talk about it and say what he makes including everything else he does. Howard wondered if he wanted to hold on to that number until they leave. Artie said that he makes way more in other ventures than he does at K-Rock. Artie said he has gotten quite a nice raise at the new place and he's very happy with that. Artie said in the last four years he's made way more money in other things than he has at the station. Howard wondered if Artie wanted to come clean now or not. He then said that this includes stand-up comedy gigs and he has made about $1.2 million... including everything. As a K-Rock employee he probably makes less than $600,000. Gary figured he was at the $400,000 mark or so. It's actually between $400 and $500,000. Artie said the stand-up money is the big draw for him. The SFRT crew were going back and forth talking about Artie's income and figured he could be making as much as $2 million.
Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that the SFRT panel were about to talk about what kind of money Jackie walked away from there. Tom said that it was going to be significantly more than what Artie is making now. Howard wants him to come in when Jackie is there to talk about it with him.
Howard played more of the SFRT audio and really got into the salary discussion pretty deep. Gary said that Ralph was a bit low with his estimates and the rest of them were high. Howard claims that he doesn't know anyone's salary on the show and the only one he ever knew about was Jackie's because Tom told him what Jackie walked away from. Gary said that it would knock anyone down to hear what kind of money Jackie was going to make for a 5 year run.
Dominic Barbara called in and gave the guys an estimate on what kind of money Jackie really could have been making if Artie is more than doubling the money he was making. Jackie had all kinds of side deals for plugs on the show and that means a lot according to Artie. Artie told the guys that he would rather take guaranteed plugs over a couple hundred thousand dollar raise. Jackie had a great deal there and he walked away from it over four years ago.
Tom's wife Penelope called in and told the guys that one of her favorite moments was when Howard used to call Tom ''Tom Cheapasano'' and got their son on the phone and asked him if he got an allowance. At the time Tim told them that he was collecting bottles and cans because he was in a class project back then. She thought that was pretty funny.
Ralph called in to talk about the salary discussion they had on the SFRT last night and how they may have forgotten about how radio doesn't treat their talent very well. Howard said that radio really doesn't treat them very well because it's almost like a mom and pop business.
Howard said this reminds him about how Fred was offered a job at NBC after he got fired but he begged him not to take the job because he'd be fired 6 months later. Howard said he would give him a job as soon as he found something else. That's when K-Rock came to the rescue. He said it's almost like they try to pick off the team, one by one, to destroy them.
Artie said that they made a crazy offer, like $5 to $10 million, to do the radio show so it was tempting. Robin said that she was in the same position as Fred when they got separated in Washington. Howard had to work without her at NBC for a month which seemed pretty long.
Artie said that the deal he was offered could have been up to $10 million and he turned it down immediately. Howard said that really is the biggest scum bag move he's ever heard. He said that he's thrilled that Artie is coming with him because a lot of people would have taken that job in a second. He said it was very moving to him that Artie turned it down. Artie said he told his manager that he couldn't take the job because he couldn't compete or run the show the same way, plus, he's become Howard's friend and it wouldn't be possible for him to do that to him. Artie thinks he wouldn't have made it that long replacing him anyway.
Howard talked about how the company (Infinity) really does seem to be trying to screw him over in these final months. He said they won't accept advertising from the new place and it's just not making good business sense.
Gary said that he never talked about money with the person who approached him. He said it was a couple of weeks after Howard made the announcement that he was leaving. He got the call from someone, probably Jack Silver, out in Los Angeles who made the offer. He said he didn't have a deal at the time with SIRIUS but he was pretty sure he would be going along so he turned it down. Artie said he would rather go back to the sitcom world before he would do his own radio show anyway.
Howard said he is really fired up now about the new job especially after hearing what Artie and Gary just told him. Ralph asked Howard if the radio business is really that much lower than the TV business as far as paying their employees. Howard said they're totally different worlds and the radio business is a lot different. They don't make the kind of money that the TV world does. That's why they're so quick to try and screw over their talent.
Artie seems to be happy with the money he made working on the radio show but that's only because he got the base salary, between $400,000 and $500,000, and then made more money doing stand-up and other gigs.
Gary talked about the way he's been screwed over in the past as far as making money in the radio business. Scott the Engineer came in with a revelation of his own. He said that they were going to throw him out when Howard left so he was lucky that he got a job over at the new place. Howard said that Scott is a good engineer, even though he goofs on him all the time, and he's happy he's able to take him over to the new place.
Howard said that these revelations are just a few of the things that they're doing before the end of the show. Howard said that the really big revelations will be revealed on the final week of the show.
Howard took some phone calls from some fans who thought the conversation was fascinating. Bong Hit Eric had called in and said it was boring to him though. Howard got him on the line and said that's not what he said, he was saying that they were just getting all mushy with each other. He said that it's actually very interesting when they talk about this kind of stuff.
Artie asked Howard if he's mad by not revealing this whole thing earlier. Howard said he's not mad and he could have kept it quiet if he felt he was protecting him. Howard told Artie he can tell him anything. They're friends now. Robin said that she can talk to Howard about anything like that.
Gary asked Artie if it was Tim Sabean who made the offer to him to replace Howard. Howard said that even if it was Tim, he knows that Tim doesn't make those kind of decisions and he probably had a gun to his head. Now Tim is working for them at the new place anyway. Howard had to go to break right after that.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to play the Gossip Game since it was getting so late in the show. She didn't realize that it was 9:10 in the morning, she thought it was still the start of the show. Howard played Mike's ''Reach Around'' song parody and tried to get him over the ISDN line. Things weren't working correctly so Howard had to call Scott in to figure out what was wrong. Scott couldn't figure it out so Howard had to kill some time playing a prank call they made using some Mike Walker audio clips. In the call they use Mike's laughs and get the guy on the other line laughing pretty hard.
Howard finally had Mike on the line after playing the bit. He also got Hook Nose Mike on the phone but Mike couldn't hear him so there were still some technical issues. Mike wanted to wish his daughter a happy birthday so he did that and then Howard hung up on him. Another caller told Howard that he just got his On Demand program and was watching it as they were talking.
Howard moved on to Mike's game so here's how it goes... Each week, month after month, year after year, Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Once Howard heard the Sandra Bullock story, he knew it was the false one. He said there's no way Sandra wants her husband seeing her fat ass in a game of nude Twister. He picked that story as the false one while Robin and Artie picked story 3 and Fred went with story 1. The actual false story was number one.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked to hear some classic bits. Howard had something ready to go so he ended up replaying a prank call they had from a Canadian radio show where they called up as Pavarotti and his assistant ordering food for Pavarotti.
Howard booted Tom out of the studio and asked Jimmy how he's going to have time to do all of this stuff he's supposed to be doing. Jimmy said he really doesn't have to do all that much, he just has to remind Adam Carolla that he has a radio show to start in January. Jimmy is going to be doing some consulting for Infinity Broadcasting and he won't have to work all that hard. Howard said that the company seems to be giving a lot of money to a lot of people just to replace him. Jimmy said that he's really going to be more of an answering service for Adam than anything else.
A caller gave Howard a suggestion for the cliffhanger show and said he should just hold onto them until they move to the new place. The caller also said that it was kind of sad hearing some of the stuff earlier in the show. Jimmy said he gets upset hearing it too but Jimmy cries over a lot of stuff according to Howard. Howard was also saying that he gets kind of sentimental about the show but then he realizes that he's moving to a new place where he'll be able to do whatever he wants. He can't do that where he's at now.
Howard said the thing that he's kind of bummed out about is the fact that not all of his fans will be following him to the new place. Jimmy thinks that a lot of people will follow him. Howard wondered how many is ''enough'' though and that's going to be the tough part.
Jimmy asked Howard if they're going to rerun the show all day. Howard told him they'll have an East Coast feed and a West Coast feed on a second channel so they'll be replaying the show and playing the Howard 100 News and other things throughout the day.
Howard talked to Jimmy about having Sarah Silverman on the phone last week and how he wanted her to go into the room where Jimmy was sleeping to do some sexual stuff to him. She refused to do it because she said she loved him so much. Jimmy said that he asked her to not wake him up because he hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. She was just respecting his wishes.
Jimmy said that he's been taking care of his kids and has to drive them to school 2 days a week at 6 in the morning. It's a pretty early morning for him. Ralph called in and told Jimmy he thinks his show has gotten better lately and he's doing some funny stuff goofing on clips and stuff. He said that his interviewing skills really aren't very good. Jimmy asked Ralph if he should be concentrating on ironing Howard's underpants. Ralph thinks that he's right about the show and whenever he makes a suggestion, they make the change over there.
Jimmy says that he has so much to give but Ralph doesn't think that he has great interviewing skills and he should avoid doing them. Howard didn't expect Jimmy to tell Ralph that he thinks he sucks at interviewing.
Howard was talking about how this will be Jimmy's last appearance on his terrestrial radio show and Jimmy said he's going to miss the bathroom at K-Rock the most. He also heard that they have 3 bathrooms at the new place and one of them is just for ''the crazies.''
Howard had Robin do her news stories while Jimmy stuck around. Later on Howard said that the guys came up with a good idea... To give Artie and Gary their own show on Howard 100 to see what that would have been like if Infinity had teamed them up. Late in the news Jimmy and Howard were talking about one of the news stories that Robin brought up and the delay was being hit quite a bit. How can Jimmy be a consultant with Infinity if he doesn't know their rules? Howard wrapped up the show around 10:40am.