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Howard started off talking about the big ratings they got in the New York Market. He also mentioned that Artie was out this morning because he's out in California in a meeting about a sitcom or something like that. Howard wondered why he'd be going to meetings like that. He must be thinking about leaving the show or something. Gary told Howard that he and Artie have spoken and Artie won't do a sitcom unless they shoot it in New York so he can do both shows.
Howard got back to the ratings and talked about how his ratings have jumped since all of the FCC and Clear Channel stuff has started. He said people had to tune in to find out if they were still on the air. He still thinks he'll be gone before too long. He went on to talk about how funny it is that the number one show in New York City is being attacked and could be taken off the air. He said it's obvious that the ''community'' hates the show. Why else would everyone tune in and listen.
Howard was reading a story about Don Imus' wife and how she's writing a cook book. He mentioned that Imus' ratings have been really low for a long time but they dropped even more in the latest ratings book. He said he's got about a 1/3 of the ratings that his show has. He went on to talk about how Imus' girlfriend met Imus when he had a contest to find a girlfriend and Imus never did stuff like that until he heard his show and got some ideas for what to do. Howard read the article he had about Imus' wife and she bad mouth's Howard in it. She talks about how she met Imus and what her life was like before she met him. It turns out her agent was the one who booked her on Imus' show. They talk about the wife's book ''The Imus Ranch : Cooking for Kids and Cowboys'' and what's included in that. Deirdre says that Howard sounds like an idiot when he talks about the Imus ranch. Howard seems to think it's one of the biggest scams going because Imus has his listeners paying for it.
A listener called in and did an impression of Imus and goofed on him for a little while. He talked about how awful Imus' show is and how there's nothing funny about it at all.
Howard said that David Lee Roth would be in later... and Cabbie is in all week trying out for Stuttering John's job. Robin seemed to think that no work would be getting done at all this week if he's in there trying out for the job. She said that Gary was already stuck in his office listening to Cabbie talking to him first thing in the morning. Howard had to take his first break after that.
A phony David Lee Roth (Billy Mira) was sitting in this morning. Howard was playing it up like it was the real guy. The impression was good but it was obviously a phony. Howard talked to him about the Van Halen days and if he's angry that he wasn't asked to be in the band when they reunited with Sammy Hagar.
Howard had Crazy Cabbie come in since he was there to try out for Stuttering John's job. Cabbie told Howard he didn't work his usual overnight shift last night. He had to prepare for the show today. Cabbie also talked about the NFL player Pat Tillman who died over in Afghanistan and how a lot of people seem to be forgetting that 800 other people have died over there in the Middle East as well. Howard talked about how weird it is that Tillman was a big fan of his show and he went over to fight for the freedom of this country but Howard thinks his show is like the arch enemy of President Bush.
Cabbie told Howard that Pat Tillman went through the Army Rangers and that's one of the toughest things to go through. He and Howard talked about that for a couple of minutes. Howard read a letter he got about Tillman and the fact that he was a fan of the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked David Lee if he's still buying pot out in the parks these days. David said he has it delivered now. The caller also asked him about his odd hair. David Lee defended his hair style saying that he has to sustain that David Lee Roth image.
Howard pointed out that if Pat Tillman had come back to this country after fighting over in the Middle East, he may have come back to a country where his favorite radio show might not be on the air.
Howard took a couple more phone calls about the whole Pat Tillman thing. They were saying that the Army Rangers aren't the hardest thing to get into. A couple of guys were saying that there are other parts of the military that are much tougher than the Rangers. Howard said he feels that anyone in the military is in a tough job.
Cabbie had his first bit ready for Howard to play this week. He had a song parody that he put together. Howard was going to get to that but he had a bunch of other phone calls to take first. He let a bunch of people talk about what's going on over in the Middle East and about Pat Tillman dying over there. Howard was also talking about how he is going to have to leave radio when this new law gets passed where individual broadcasters will be fined for things they say on the air. He said he doesn't know when the last show will be, it all depends on when the Senate passes this indecency bill. He said that if he doesn't get the chance, he just wanted to say that they did a great 22 year run and there will still be a HowardStern.com where people can visit and check out what's going on with him. He'll be there to let people know what's going on with his show and where they'll show up next. He still doesn't know if he'll go to satellite radio or what. Cabbie told him to broadcast over the web. Howard seems to think that wouldn't be such a bad idea because they do have like 8 million people a day visiting the site.
Howard said if he does somehow manage to make it to the end of his current radio contract, he will leave radio at that point. He's not going to stick around after all of this nonsense with the FCC.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard about some of the people he got to hang out with on Friday night. There was a party at this place and he got to hang with a bunch of celebrities. Howard was invited to the party as well but he backed out of it because he thought it would be kind of lame. He said that it was a Jessica Simpson party for her perfume release. He talked about how when there are people who get new found fame, they want to sell you everything possible. Howard said that people should slow down and take it easy with that kind of stuff. Chaunce told Howard that Jessica was really beautiful there at the party.
Chaunce said he got to talk to Tara Reid and Jessica Simpson about Howard but they had no clue about what's going on with him and the FCC. Chaunce also said that even Jewel, who you'd think would know about something like that, had no idea what was going on with him either. He also said that she's a really angry chick too. He talked about her for a minute and then talked about how much Julianne Moore is into Howard. She's really upset about what's going on with him and the FCC. Chaunce said he's never seen so many hot chicks in one place before.
Cabbie goofed on Chaunce and asked him if he gets his hair plugs at the same place David Lee Roth does. Chaunce told Cabbie that he has a lot of his own problems and shouldn't be goofing on him. Howard wrapped up the phone call shortly after that and took another break.
Howard spoke to ''David Lee Roth'' for a couple more minutes. Then he had Cabbie talk about this song parody he wrote as one of his assignments for trying to get John's Job. Cabbie told Howard that Scott the Engineer was giving him a hard time about helping him out this morning. Howard took a couple of phone calls from some listeners who didn't want to hear Cabbie on the air all week long.
Howard played Cabbie's song parody which was called ''KC's Gay'' and it was to the tune of The Beatles' ''Yesterday.'' Cabbie's girlfriend sang the song. There were a couple of delay hits during the song for some reason so we missed out on some of the song. Howard gave the song a 10 after hearing it. He and Robin liked his girlfriend's performance.
A couple more callers said that Cabbie should be off the air already. There were a couple of people who thought he was good as well. KC came in and said he loved the song. One guy pointed out how tone deaf Cabbie's girlfriend was but Cabbie said that doesn't come into effect in bed.
A caller told ''David Lee'' that he was washed up and he should give up on trying to get back in Van Halen already. These people really didn't know that he wasn't the real David Lee Roth. Another guy told him what an idol of his he was. That guy also told Cabbie to lay off of goofing on David Lee. Howard said Cabbie walked out after that for some reason. He wrapped up with David Lee who was sitting there with Ozzy who also said a few words. It was actually Billy Mira (BillyMiraComedy.com) sitting in doing the impressions. Howard didn't give him credit until the end of the show. He went to break shortly after talking to ''Ozzy.''
Howard brought up their upcoming Las Vegas trip which is coming up quick. They'll be there from May 11th to the 13th. He thinks they're going to be taping shows from 2pm to 6pm Las Vegas time. He mentioned some of the stuff they'll be doing like the Freaky Feud, Hollywood Squares, Miss Butterface contest and more. You can find out about all of that at HowardStern.com.
Howard and Robin talked about the Miss Butterface contest and how they still don't have all that many entrants so far and there's still room for women with great bodies but bad faces to enter the contest.
Robin was sick over the weekend so she stayed in most of the time. She said that it was the first time in 2 years that she got sick since going on The Master Cleanser diet that she was on. Howard read some e-mail about that and about some other stuff that's been going on. Someone wrote in and told Howard that Clear Channel is advertising one of their concerts on his show so he should stop that. Howard said he's fine with that and the more money they pay to his stations, the more money they'll have to fight them in court.
Howard read an e-mail from a fan who said she has never voted in the past but she will vote now because of what is going on with the FCC. Another person wrote in and complained about Howard having Clef Pallet on the show last week. They have a kid with a cleft pallet so they don't like them goofing on the guy. Howard said they have tons of people sending in pictures of Artie drunk for his web site. Someone pointed out how filthy Artie's teeth are.
One e-mailer told Howard how much Jimmy Kimmel rips Howard off just like Jay Leno does. Howard said he loves Jimmy and he doesn't know that Jimmy did rip him off. He went on to read some mail about how much people loved John the Stutterer when he was on last week. Howard read a few of those e-mails and then moved on to Steve O.
Howard had Kristin the intern come in because she's obsessed with Steve O. She told him that she's been obsessed with him since the Jackass days. She said his appeal is that he's all dirty and nasty to her. Gary came in and told Howard that Kristin told him on her first day that she had to meet Steve O if he ever came on the show. Gary said she basically said that she would have sex with him if she had the chance. She also said she'd probably hook up with Pontius as well. Pontius said that wouldn't be the first girl they've shared. Steve said that it actually saves a phone call to a friend if you share a chick. The guys said that the chicks are into it when they both get them.
Steve O told Howard that their show ''Wild Boyz'' last night was their India show and it was pretty amazing. Howard was hearing all of the stuff they've done and asked Kristin if she knew what she was getting involved in. She still seemed to be into the whole thing and was ready to go out with them. Steve was saying that he'd love to get Robin to go out with him. Robin said she wouldn't be dumb enough to go out with them alone. She knows better.
Howard asked the guys what they've been up to lately. They have a new show that's similar to the ''Jackass'' show called ''Wild Boyz'' and they did it without Johnny Knoxville. Pontius told Howard that Knoxville went along with them to Indonesia to shoot some shows with them there. The guys aren't sure if they'll make a ''Wild Boyz'' movie. There hasn't been any talk of that according to Steve O. Howard told them he hopes they're getting paid well now for what they put themselves through. Steve said that they're getting close to 30 years old and they do beat the crap out of themselves.
Steve told Howard that these days when they get bitten by animals they pour tattoo ink into the wounds so they can see them forever. They showed Howard the many wounds that Pontius has on his body from a python biting him. Howard went on to ask Pontius how he grew up and got involved in the wacky stunt thing. That led to them talking about Steve O stapling his balls and how crazy that is. A minute later Steve O pulled out a bottle of alcohol and lit himself on fire. Howard told him not to do it but he didn't stop.
Robin explained to Howard what he tried to do and how he poured lighter fluid in his mouth, flicked a Bic and blew the flame. Then he rolled in it. Pontius wondered where Howard's crack security team was while they were doing that.
Howard read what the guys have been doing on their show lately. In last night's show they licked some old guy's foot, rode down a street on a bed of nails and had an elephant pee all over them. Steve said he sat there and just waited for the pee to dump down on him. Pontius said they just had to blow on the elephant's wiener to make it pee.
Howard got a letter from a guy who was at one of the shows that Steve O did. Steve ended up getting pissed at the guy and eventually ran out the back door to his bus after the guy wanted to fight him. The guy who wrote the letter was on the phone so he told Howard what happened. The guy told Howard that he was in the VIP area and was trying to hit on Steve's girl. Steve got pissed but he says he does't remember that stuff because he gets so drunk. The caller said that it would have been lights OUT for Steve if he'd actually fought him.
Gary told Howard that Steve O does the stapling of his balls thing in every show he does. He has done about 28 shows in the last 45 days or something like that and has stapled his balls almost every time. The guys told Howard that they sometimes have audience members come up and have the stapling done instead though.
Comedian Shuli called in and said that their show ''Wild Boyz'' is like a real life Beavis and Butt-Head and it's great. He told Howard that they include everyone on the crew in their jokes. No one is safe around them.
Steve said he heard that this could be his last appearance on his show because of the FCC stuff going on. He just wanted Howard to know that he's a big fan and would miss them if he could never come back. Howard told Steve that it may be the last few weeks of the show but if he does get taken off the air, they will make him more powerful than he's ever been before. He invites the FCC's Michael Powell to take him off the air already.
Howard heard that Steve O and Pontius got a couple of guys fired up in Canada recently. They didn't have a delay on the show and Pontius ended up cursing a few times and the guys ended up getting fired over the whole thing.
Steve O and Pontius thanked Johnny Knoxville for going out and promoting ''Wild Boyz'' when he was supposed to be promoting ''Walking Tall'' on a bunch of shows. Howard thanked the guys for coming in and then wrapped up the interview.
Howard was also talking about how odd it is that they were licking some guy's foot over in India and the guy had elephantitis which is contagious. They don't even think about that stuff before they do it.
While they were talking about all of that stuff on the air Howard was wondering if the interview was getting censored. It turns out it was and Howard said the fun is really gone from the show these days. He also talked about the Cabbie song parody they played earlier and how they had to chop that up. He really doesn't get what the problem is with his show and how it ''hurts'' kids. He said someone wrote in to his web site and said they don't know any segment of the show that has ever hurt a child but there are many other things out there that can hurt kids and no one is doing anything about it.
Howard and Robin both said they don't know what the rules are these days because they're constantly changing. They're getting fined for stuff from 3 years ago and now they have this new indecency bill that's going to pass.
KC came in and interrupted Howard to tell him about Cabbie answering the phones out there. He was getting into arguments with all of the listeners who were calling in. Cabbie was calling them names so Howard told him he really doesn't need someone doing that. Cabbie came in a minute later and said that these people were goofing on him as soon as they called in. He also talked about his song and how he and Tom Chiusano got into a fight about it. Gary said he and Scott the Engineer were in the studio and they just stared at the floor because it was so uncomfortable in the room while they were arguing.
Howard doesn't like that he has employees who are afraid to say or do anything anymore because they have Tom standing over them ready to yell at them. Tom came in a short time later and said he was assured that someone had listened to the song and it wasn't supposed to be a problem. Tom said even with their old standards they would have hit the delay on the song. He said that's what the issue was with Cabbie because he should have known better.
Howard played a few of the lines from the Cabbie song and Tom actually made fun of Cabbie's girlfriend's singing. He said he'll never be ashamed of his own singing voice after hearing that. Cabbie ended up goofing on Tom for the way he was talking about himself in the third person. Then he said that he wrote Tom a letter recently about how Double A had won two trips in within a certain amount of time so he shouldn't be allowed to take it because they have rules about how often someone can win on their station. Cabbie thought that if he could win two prizes then he should be able to collect the $10,000 he was supposed to win in the Win Fred's Money contest they did a while back. Tom told him that it was an idiot letter that he shouldn't have sent him.
Howard asked Tom where he was last week because he was out. Tom said he was doing business with some other managers and clients. Gary heard that he was down in St. Thomas for the week. Tom wasn't going to tell them where he was but it turns out that's where they were. He was only down there for 3 days. Howard said he would love to go on a trip like that. He may have all the time in the world in the next couple of months if they take him off the air. He said he's going to take a month off no matter what he's going to do after they take him off the air.
Howard asked Tom if there were any clients like Trim Spa or the Sphincterine guy there. Tom said that they weren't there but the Sphincterine guy wants to come back on the show and advertise. Tom welcomes that and told Howard that one of the FCC cases they have pending mentions the product and claims that it's a made up product even though it's real.
Howard told Tom that he's going to talk to Mel (Karmazin) about how he wants out of the business now. Tom doesn't think that's a good idea and he really shouldn't do it. Howard asked him a few more questions about the client meeting and who was there. Tom didn't want to talk about who was or wasn't there but Howard was getting a few answers out of him. Tom wanted to change subjects and move on to other stuff. That led to Howard and Tom talking about the meet and greet they're supposed to have out in Las Vegas.
Howard said he went to a bar mitzvah on Saturday Night. He said it was a nice night and it wasn't like a lot of the Bar Mitzvahs that happen out on Long Island. He Tom said that he heard about a Bat Mitzvah that's coming up soon and they're hiring a makeup artist to go over the women so they all look ''right'' for the event. He said that's nuts. Robin said she knows a party planner who has had bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs in Madison Square Garden. Gary came in and told the guys about how some people are throwing Faux Mitzvahs because they feel like they're missing out on something.
Howard changed subjects again and talked about this guy Mark Cuban who was on ''60 Minutes'' last night. He and Robin talked about all of the stuff the guy has gotten into and how much he's worth. Gary told Howard that the guy was booked on the show a few months back but he had to back out for some reason. He's apparently a big fan of the show.
A listener called in and told Howard how great his web site is now that it has all of the information about what's going on with the FCC and stuff like that. Howard said that Jason works on it a bit when he has some time. They don't put any money into it at this time but they're working on bulletin boards, chat rooms and cameras to watch people like KC doing their jobs.
A listener called in and basically told Howard not to give up in the fight against the FCC. Howard told the guy he's not going to give up but he probably won't be there on the radio doing what he's doing today. He said he looks at it like he's not giving up, he's willing to walk away from the job even though he has a guaranteed contract. He had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard talked to Robin about the Architectural Digest magazine because he likes to look at the pictures in the magazine. He was also talking about Rolling Stone magazine and how they gave the new Hanson CD ''Underneath'' a great review. He had a copy of the CD so he could hear it for himself. He played one song and said it was ''pleasant'' but it didn't really move him. He moved on to another song and he was lost within the first 10 seconds of the song. He didn't seem to like the third song but he listened to a little more of the next one... but he was lost after a short time again. He said that maybe he just wasn't in the right mood... but he wasn't sure what mood he'd have to be in to get into it.
Howard talked about a song from the band Hoobastank that he heard the other day. He really liked it as soon as he heard it so he played it again today. The song ''The Reason'' was really good and both Howard and Robin liked it. Howard had Prince's latest album ''Musicology'' as well so he played some of that. He liked what he was hearing and said that chicks like to dance to stuff like that. He said he'd give that one 4 stars. Howard said no chicks are taking their clothes off to Hanson songs. The Prince songs were getting a little slower so Howard was talking about what he would do if he had Rebecca Romijn-Stamos in his apartment while those songs were playing. He'd tell her how bad John (Stamos) treated her and then he'd have her smoke some pot. He continued to zip through a few more songs from the album and they sounded pretty good to him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told him about a massage he got at a Russian massage parlor recently. He said that the women give you a massage then turn you over to give you a happy ending and they pour hot wax on you testicles before doing that. He said it was really hot but Howard said he wouldn't be into something like that. He spent a minute on that and then had Robin start her news.
Howard checked out the ass of the talkative woman. She wasn't wearing any underwear but Howard told her she had a lot of beef on there. He also told her that she needs to lose about 20 pounds after she asked him if she was good looking. He told her that her hair was from the 80s's as well. Gary said that her legs are skinny but the rest of her body isn't. Howard checked her out again and said that she really needs to lose 30 pounds. He told her she's got a pretty face but she's got a double chin going and her belly is big.
Howard asked the chubby one to get on the scale in the studio but she didn't want to do it. Howard then told her she had to bend over and let them throw dunkin donuts munchkins at her naked ass. She did it and let the guys throw the things at her. Howard and Gary were throwing a bunch of the things at her until she said that it was enough. He then told her that she'd be smokin hot if she just lost 20-25 pounds.
Howard asked the girls if they would kiss each other for them. They said they would and that they're not lesbians. They then made out for a few seconds. The delay was hit for some reason. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to the girls about what they're up to and why the other two girls in the back of the room weren't talking. The chubby chick filled him in on what they were up to.
The girls all wanted Howard to sign their asses and boobs but Howard wanted to spank one of them while he played one of the new Prince songs. She went right over and let him spank her for a short time. Howard then signed some of the girls asses. He spanked another one of the women and pointed out that she had some hair and freckles on her ass.
Howard continued to talk to the girls but the delay was hit on him multiple times for some reason. He wrapped up with the girls. One of them asked if they should buy XM radio yet. Howard told her not to bother with that at this point. He let them go a minute later and said that they were some ''big, hefty chicks'' who were raised on beef. He said you could pull a plow with one of the chicks. He had Robin get back to her news after that.
Howard said he was listening to Ryan Seacrest talking to Barry Manilow and he may be the worst story teller ever. He went on to talk about how he's been getting reports about his show being number one and going up in the ratings because of the FCC fines. Howard wondered if he has to be number 1 to be fired and if the FCC realizes how popular his show is. He played some audio clips from some news programs that covered the story about his ratings. He also said he read an article about what's going on with the FCC and the fines they have coming out against people like him. In an article that Walt Sabo wrote he points out how shows like Rikki Lake get away with talking about stuff that people like Howard wouldn't get away with. Howard read a transcript that Walt posted in the article where Rikki and her guests talk about masturbation, lasting longer and sex in general. Howard said Walt pointed out a bunch of other shows that are on during the day when kids can see and hear them but they're not getting fined. Howard then reminded everyone that the FCC has said that they can't go after shows like Oprah's because she's too well liked. Howard is not.
Howard watched a show last night where they did a story about John Kerry and how he threw out some of his medals after coming back from Viet Nam. He said there was an interview talking about what a dispicable person Kerry is for throwing out his medals. There was no opposing view on the show that did the interview. Howard pointed out that John Kerry didn't choose to go to Viet Nam but he did and he fought and saved other men's lives. He went off on this colonel who was bad mouthing Kerry for a short time.
Howard was also pointing out that George Bush wasn't fighting over in Viet Nam and he's no leader like John Kerry is. He talked about this show he watched and how sick it made him. He talked about how Bush was asked if he spoke to his father about some of the problems they might have when they went into Iraq and Bush says that his father is not the right man to talk to about that stuff. He spoke to a ''higher'' power instead. Howard said that the guy is a moron and a dummy. He was talking to himself about that stuff when he asked the higher power.
Howard changed subjects and talked about how he's been standing in front of his mirror checking out his cellulite filled ass. He said he's been dieting and he's down to 192 pounds but he still has the cellulite on his ass. Robin told him it's probably with him forever. She and Howard talked about weight loss and how genetics help a lot of people out when it comes to working out. Howard says he actually gets light headed when he stands up because he eats so little these days.
Robin said she watched ''The Swan'' last night and it was pretty good. She likes the reveals at the end of the show because the girls go crazy when they see themselves. She said they don't look real when they get done with them. Howard said they end up looking like drag queens by the end of the whole thing.
Howard talked about one show where they follow around mothers who have their children in beauty pageants and stuff like that. He said the parents are way out of control and expect their kids to become famous for them.
A listener called in and told Howard about the way people talk about his show being bad for kids but there's no proof that it is. Howard has 3 daughters who are great kids and he helped raise them. The caller says he will follow Howard wherever he goes. Howard talked about how funny he could be if he was able to go to satellite radio.
Howard mentioned that Jenny McCarthy is coming in later this week and he can't wait. He seems to think that she'd be a lot of fun to be with. He knows that some guys find her annoying but he really likes her. He's attracted to her and he doesn't care what she says. Robin pointed out that he will see a Britney Spears video and come in and tell her how great the song is. Then he hears the song without the video and realizes how bad the song is. He's just taken with her looks.
Howard and Robin talked about a picture of Lisa Marie Presley where she looks like her father in his fat days. Robin couldn't believe how big she looked in the picture. Howard said she needs some of that Trim Spa Formula X32 to slim herself down. He took a break right after that.
Howard mentioned their upcoming Las Vegas trip and some of the stuff they'll be doing out there. He talked about the Freaky Feud and the Hollyweird Squares bits. He also talked about the Miss Butterface contest and that it's got a $25,000 grand prize. He reminded all of the women out there who have great bodies but bad faces that they should try and enter. Howard said that anyone who wants to bring a woman down to him tomorrow morning so he can tell the women that they have a butterface, he'll do that. He said anyone that wants to do that can come down tomorrow at 7:30. He will tell the women if they should be in the contest or not. He said the $25,000 prize makes it worth it. They only have about 25 entries so far and most of the women are too good looking to win.
Howard brought up the ''Win John's Job'' competition they have going on. He said that Stuttering John left the show to go work with Jay Leno on his show. He has seen some of the bits that John has been involved with and they're just bizarre. He said that John seems to be happy with what he's doing because he's making a lot of money out there. Howard and Robin don't enjoy Jay's show much though and talked about how lame it is. Howard thinks he could do a late night show to compete against Leno and Letterman but he doesn't think he'd be able to get guests because a lot of people don't like to be interviewed by him. Robin told him she thinks people go where the ratings are so he could get guests no problem.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who saw Rebecca Romijn-Stamos on his E! show last night. He said she was really hot and then asked who Howard thinks is hotter, Pamela Anderson or Rebecca. Howard said Pam is the hottest because she's got an amazing body and she's really hot. The caller brought up her Hepatitis C and talked about how that freaks him out. Howard said it freaks him out as well. He brought up the night he spent with Pam out at Scores and how he kissed her while his buddy Ralph was feeling up her leg. He said he's been up close to her and her skin is perfect and her ass is nice. She's beyond hot according to him.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up how Clear Channel is advertising on his station. Howard said they talked about that yesterday and he doesn't care if his company takes Clear Channel's money. He and Robin said that they wouldn't hurt the company if they didn't take their advertising so why not take their money?
Howard took a phone from a guy who called him a Christ Killer and asked him if he's taking off the week before or the week after the Las Vegas shows. Howard said he's not taking off either one. The caller also asked Howard not to go to satellite radio because he doesn't want to have to pay $250 just to follow him. Howard had to hang up on the guy shortly after that because he was too annoying.
The caller asked Howard to replay the prank call KC made to High Pitch Erik recently so that's what he did. In the call KC asks Erik to do something for him to make up for telling Howard about how he saw him making out with a chick back stage at a comedy show. KC asks Erik to give him oral to make up for what he did and Erik agrees to do it. Howard seems to think that Erik is retarded or something. Erik tells KC that he is only gay for him and Gary (Baba Booey).
Howard took a couple of phone calls after that. A bunch of guys called in and talked about how gay that call was. One guy wondered why Erik goes to Scores. Howard had to take a break after that.
After the break Howard read an article in Newsweek about how hispanic radio broadcasters are getting away with stuff that Howard could never get away with. He read the article which pointed out how they broadcast in spanish so they seem to get away with more than anyone like Howard could. The FCC doesn't do anything about them though. They just go after Howard and the other English speaking deejays. Howard said that only one of the FCC's staff investigators speaks spanish. Howard said they have a transcript in the article from a Hispanic show and he has to figure out a way to get people to file complaints about them.
Artie showed up around 7:25 so Howard asked him about that. Artie took the red eye in from Los Angeles. He said he didn't sleep much on the flight and talked about the movie ''Something's Gotta Give'' that he tried to watch. He didn't think it was all that great. Artie said he has to talk to the airline about the movies they play because they're all chick flicks. He said some of the movie's he's seen lately are movies like ''Alex and Emma'' and ''Under the Tuscan Sun.'' They're all sappy movies and he doesn't want that.
A listener called in and asked Howard why he wants all of these shows fined. Howard explained to the guy that if they start fining everyone it will show how ridiculous the fines are. He told the FCC is afraid to fine the Hispanic stations because they probably think they'll look like racists if they do. Howard read that the FCC is ''reviewing'' some complaints about this Hispanic radio station but they haven't been fined. The hosts of this show say that they're in a witch hunt.. just like Howard has said he is.
Howard read another article about a senator who is trying to pass a law to ban low riding pants in Baton Rouge. He said that the senator got tired of seeing girl's underwear sticking up out of their low riding pants.
Gary came in and told Howard about the ratings from the Clear Channel radio station that dropped him out in San Diego. He said that the ratings went from an 8.9 in February with Howard to a 0.7 in March without Howard. Howard went on to talk about how he has these lawyers working for him to sue Clear Channel and it's such a pain in the ass because they're trying to argue that he broke his contract when he got fined by the FCC. He said his lawyers pointed out the sections where all of that stuff was mentioned in the contracts that they signed and they're still arguing about it.
Howard said he got a ton of e-mail about how lame Cabbie was yesterday. He said about 90 percent of the mail was against him. Howard said that they have Cabbie's song parody up on HowardStern.com since they had the delay button hit on it yesterday. Howard played a little bit of it to remind everyone how funny it was. Cabbie's girlfriend can't sing very well so it makes it even better. Howard really enjoyed the song parody.
Zolar called in and said that Cabbie's girlfriend makes Wendy the Retard sound like Britney Spears. He busted Cabbie's chops for a minute and then Howard got back to Cabbie's assignment for the day.
Cabbie came up with a bit where Howard had to ''Guess the 'Nese.'' He had audio clips of various Asian people speaking a 'nese language like Chines, Japanese, Cantonese, Vietnamese... you get the point. Howard played a few of the clips and tried to guess which 'nese it was. Howard bailed out on the bit after about 4 clips.
Howard took a few phone calls after that. One guy called in and told Howard about his trip to Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch and how creepy that was. He talked about the strange things Jackson has there. They have a gate that closes and looks like kids holding hands. They also have some audio feeding through the place where they have kids singing ''La, la, la'' over the speaker system. The caller said he's a limo driver who had to chaperone kids to a party that was being held there. The guy says that the animals in Jackson's zoo are no older than a few years old. Once they get too old Jackson gets rid of them. Howard heard something about that and he might have something there. He bailed out on the call after hearing about 5 minutes of it.
Howard got back to Cabbie's ''Guess the 'Nese'' game but said he really doesn't care about it. He played a couple of clips and bailed out on it again. He said he really just doesn't care.
Howard read some e-mail that they've gotten. Someone brought up the discussions they had about Pat Tillman on yesterday's show. Tillman once defended Howard's show and someone thought Howard was using his name to help his fight against Bush. Howard said he wasn't doing that and Tillman defended him and if he had lived, he would have come back to a country where he might not be on the air anymore. That led to Howard and Cabbie talking about John Kerry and how he threw out some of his medals after coming back from Viet Nam. Howard said that people like Cabbie don't remember what it was like back then and how people felt. Cabbie was saying that the guy earned his medals but then he threw them away so he shouldn't be bringing them out now and saying how great they are. Howard and Cabbie argued about that for a short time. Howard said Kerry threw away the medals to make a statement to the government about what they were doing at the time. He was pushing for Kerry and saying that he is a hero to him and he stood up to the government back then. Cabbie doesn't think he should be waving those medals in everyone's face after he took them and threw them away.
Howard said that the tape of President Bush wiping his glasses on a woman's dress without her noticing is up on his web site HowardStern.com. He's talked about that clip in the past and now they have a link to it on his site. It shows how arrogant the guy is.
Howard brought up Kevin Spacey's brother who has been in the news lately because he is writing a book about his brother. Howard read an article about the guy who is a Rod Stewart impersonator. He wants to reveal to people why his brother is the weirdo that he is. Howard can't believe that this is the guy's brother. He read some quotes from the guy and how he has Kevin's diaries and pictures of him. The guy admits that he just wants to get his 15 minutes of fame to help jump start his own career. The guy is 47 years old and he's desperate for stardom. Howard said if he were Kevin he'd be out of his mind about this stuff.
A listener told Howard that he doesn't think that Kerry getting into office will help him with his FCC problems. Howard said he knows that but he doesn't want Bush in office anymore. He said he has a bunch of articles on his web site that point out the many things that he is doing that he doesn't agree with. Howard talked about the clean air act that Bush reversed. Cabbie said Penn and Teller have some information about that stuff and they refute what Howard has been saying about it. Howard thanked Cabbie for coming in and sent him back to work in the office. He had to take a break after talking to him for a short time.
The caller went on to talk about the Hispanic radio guys they were talking about earlier. The guy said that they rip off Howard's show and they've gone as far as to run their show long just like Howard does. They have also syndicated their show to Puerto Rico but they're on a 1 hour delay so they can clean up the show for them down there.
Howard said he doesn't have a problem with what these guys are saying on the air. He does have a little problem with them ripping him off and basically doing his show in Spanish. He talked about how ridiculous it is that they don't go after everyone instead of a select couple of people. The caller said that he would transcribe some shows for Howard if he wanted so they can file some complaints with the FCC. The caller told Howard that they even put the shows up on their web site so people can download and hear them.
Howard was talking about how lazy the government is and how it's full of slackers who don't want to do any extra work. Artie said he was going through security at the airport the other day and asked the security guard if he had to take his shoes off. The guy said to him ''If you want to'' and didn't bother checking his shoes. KC came in and said he went through the airport the other day and security found that he had some handcuffs in his bag. Howard and Robin were wondering what he was doing with handcuffs. KC said he used them for a drinking game he and a buddy of his played. He said that he actually made it on the plane with a screwdriver though. Howard played the song parody that Cabbie's girlfriend sang about KC being gay.
KC told Howard about the handcuffs and what they use them for. He said if you lose the drinking game, you handcuff the guy to the chair so he can't go to the bathroom or anything like that. He seems to think that's funny for some reason. A listener called in and told KC he sounded even gayer than ever after hearing that handcuff story.
Howard will be flying out to Las Vegas on a private jet so they had to figure out who would be flying with him. Howard said he doesn't want a lot of people there but he knows that Benjy probably wants to be there. Benjy said he would like to but he really doesn't care all that much about it. The plane is a 14 seater but he doesn't really want it filled. Howard was saying that he wants to play cards with the guys but he doesn't want someone like KC on there with him because he's not a good card player. He said it'll probably be him, Artie, Fred and his agent Don Buchwald.
Gary came in and said that the strip club out in Vegas that's sponsoring part of the show wants to fly out some girls to fly back to Vegas with Howard. Gary told him it could be Howard and 9 girls on the plane if he wanted.
Howard changed subjects and talked about the Michael Jackson case for a short time. They were talking about how Jackson fired some lawyers and hired some new ones because he wasn't happy with the way his case was being handled. The guys were also trying to figure out why more kids haven't come out to claim that they've been molested if the stories are true.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that he thinks Jackson will either run away to Europe or kill himself before he goes to trial. He thinks that he's going to break down before they ever get to court. He explained his thoughts on the whole thing and then asked Howard if he was going to be able to fly out to Vegas with him on the private jet. He said he's lost so much weight that he won't affect the plane anymore. He said he's down to 221 pounds from a high of 310. He told them about his stomach operation and how he recently had it tightened up. Artie wondered if he misses the eating. Dominic said that he doesn't miss the food so much as he misses his mother who died of diabetes.
A woman called in and told Howard that she was sexually assaulted when she was 18 but never came forward because she was afraid that people wouldn't believe her. She said she could have had a free ride at college because it was her college professor who assaulted her. She said that he slipped her a date rape drug while she was helping him after school one day. She said she woke up while he was trying to take her clothes off. She kicked him in the face while he was doing that. She left after that and never did anything about it. She dropped the class and didn't want anyone to look at her like she did something wrong, even though she didn't. Howard ended up giving her a gift certificate for calling in with that story. It was a gift certificate to ProFlowers.com. He took a commercial break shortly after that.
Jenny McCarthy is coming on the show tomorrow so Howard quickly mentioned that. He also played some of the Vinnie Favale audio clips from the love tapes he made for his girlfriend many years ago. The guys were goofing on him a little bit and doing impressions of him.
Howard talked about the ratings his old San Diego station got in the last ratings book after they dropped his show. He read more about them and how they dropped like a rock. He read about the different demographics and how they all dropped like you wouldn't believe. In one of the demos the station went from a 20.6 to a 0.8 after they dropped his show. He thanked the people of San Diego for not listening to them after they dropped his show.
Howard said that Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) ran into a bunch of people at a party the other night and mentioned his name. He had tape of that so he went through that real quick. Chaunce quickly asked Jessica Simpson what she thought of what was going on with Howard Stern and the FCC. She said she had no idea what was going on with that. Tara Reid was the same. She had no clue about what they were doing. Chaunce asked a couple of others like Elizabeth Regan and Julianne Moore about it and they defended him. Jewel said she didn't know what was going on either when Chaunce asked her about it. She said that they must be doing it quietly because she hadn't heard anything about it.
Howard was going to have Robin start her news but he ended up talking about how he thought that his friend Ross didn't invite him to a party that he was throwing for his girlfriend. Howard said it was kind of weird that people were going up to Beth on Friday night and asking if she was going to this party on Saturday night. Ross called in a short time later and said he didn't have a party on Saturday night so he doesn't know what he's talking about. The two of them spent some time talking about past dinners and parties they've had. Howard said they always end up talking about chicks so he always wants to go to Scores instead of just eating dinner out somewhere.
Ross told Howard that he and Melissa were fighting on Saturday night but things are fine now. Howard told Ross about the private jet he's going to be taking out to Vegas and how the Spearmint Rhino wants to sent out some strippers to fly back there with them. Howard got off the phone with Ross a short time later and went on to tell some stories about Ross and all of the chicks that he's been with over the years. Ralph also called in with some stories about Ross and how many women he knows.
Howard mentioned that Ralph will be developing a page for his web site but you probably won't be seeing that until the turn of the next century. He had Robin start her news after that.
Howard said he went to bed late last night after staying up to watch American Idol so he was pretty tired this morning. Robin said she stayed up until after ''24.'' Artie was watching the Yankees game so he was up late as well. Robin and Howard jokingly asked him why he wasn't watching ''American Idol'' like they did. Artie's not into that stuff though. Gary came in and was waiting to hear Howard's comments on ''American Idol'' but he was distracting Howard so he asked him to leave. He decided not to talk about the show until later. Gary left so Howard told him he was ready to talk about it.
Elton John apparently said that he thinks ''American Idol'' is a racist show because they had some very talented black women who were voted down to the bottom of the list last week. Howard said that's ridiculous though because they had Ruben Studdard win the competition last year and he was black. Robin and Howard talked about how it seems like the people who have gotten the votes seem to be the younger people so maybe it's the young audience that's voting for them.
Gary said he thought that Paula Abdul was high last night from the way she was behaving. Howard thought her thumb in the bandage was pretty funny. They talked about Gloria Estefan being the guest host and how much of a kiss ass she was. Howard thinks that the red head kid has to be the next one to go because he really can't sing. He also thought that the chick with the flower in her hair was bad and she should be going soon as well. They goofed on some of the other people on the show too.
A listener called in and told Howard that he thinks the red headed kid is good. When Howard asked him more about it the guy hung up. Gary said that the kid has sucked for six weeks in a row so he has to go. The guys were talking about how odd the kid looks. Simon Cowell says he looks like Stan Laurel and someone else said he looks like David Caruso. Howard doesn't even know why he watches the show. He told Robin that he will actually rewind the show if his girlfriend talks to him while it's on.
Artie pointed out how much Howard has been starting off the show talking about ''American Idol.'' Howard told him that's because they're coming down to the finals so he's interested in it.
Howard has been getting a lot of stories about Bush, Clear Channel and the FCC and he thinks about talking about that stuff when he comes in but then he decides to just talk about ''American Idol.'' They continued to talk about the show and how so many of the chicks on the show are fat. Howard doesn't get why that is. That led to them talking about fat girls who wear belly shirts and how awful that is.
Kidd Chris sent Howard a password for a web site called PartyHardCore.com and it was really cool. He said that they show pictures of chicks at a male strip club giving a guy oral and stuff like that. He said that he'd never let a girlfriend go to a male strip club after seeing what some women do. Robin has gone to strip clubs and has seen stuff like that going on. She had a guy dancing for her one time and she said she thought she might be pregnant after she left the place.
Howard was on that web site checking out the pictures and was thinking about rubbing one out but he took the high road and held off so he could bang his girlfriend instead.
Robin and Howard were talking about their IBM computers and how much they like them. Howard likes his Thinkpad and Robin was talking about how she would like to get her laptop hooked up to her cell phone to get online. Howard said she could do that but she could do it with something like a Treo or other PDA like that.
Howard asked Robin how long he's been in broadcasting. She was thinking it was coming up on 30 years so they tried to figure out when he actually started. He figures it was about 1976-1977 when he first started broadcasting so he's thinking about getting a special tattoo to commemorate the occasion. Then he was thinking that he might do a live show from a theater on Broadway or something for a couple of weeks. He decided to start writing it but it turned out to be a lot of work that he didn't want to do. He was writing ideas for it and it turned into a huge production. He said he has all of the ideas in his head for this production but he just has to get them on paper. Robin said there are a lot of sucky plays out there so his production could probably do very well. He started to sing some show tunes that they could use in the production and then went to commercial break.
Howard was very irritated with everything this morning. He said the radio business isn't even a business anymore. He talked about how the San Diego station he was on lost ratings big time after Clear Channel dropped him a couple of months ago. He said what sucks is that no one is picking up his show in any of those markets he was dropped in because they're afraid of being fined and stuff like that. He said it's basically over for him now because of that. There's no expansion of his show and it doesn't look good.
Howard read an article from TownHall.com by this guy Neal Boortz who pointed out that the public airwaves are not so public and people don't own them like they seem to think they do. Howard read through that a little bit and said the guy made some good points in the article.
Howard talked about President Bush again and pointed out some of the stuff that he's been doing lately with the energy companies. He said that you have to vote against these guys and he wouldn't be surprised if there was an impeachment eventually if Bush gets reelected.
Howard said that Clear Channel has written a letter to the FCC asking them if they can keep Elliott Segal on the air even though he was fined recently. Meanwhile, they kicked Howard and Bubba the Love Sponge off the air. They claim to have a zero tolerance policy but they want to keep Segal on the air for some reason. Howard said they want to do that because he makes a lot of money for the company and they don't want to give that up. Howard said they have to fire him because they have a zero tolerance policy and they claim they want to clean up the airwaves. Howard has a lawsuit coming up against them and if they keep that guy on the air it's not going to look good in court.
Howard played Red Peters' new song ''I Can't Say These Things'' that they played on yesterday's show. The guys thought the song was pretty funny and got some laughs out of it as Red was being bleeped during the song. It still managed to get a delay button hit for some reason. Howard said Red liked his idea for the music video where Howard would be slow dancing with Colin Powell.
Howard was going to read the Oprah Winfrey transcript where she and a guest talked about a lot of sexual stuff that the FCC has not fined her over at this point. Howard wanted to read it but Tom came in and told him he can't read it because there has been no decision made on that show yet. Tom told Howard that they were going to hit the delay button on him if he read the transcript so he shouldn't bother with it. Howard told him he's done there so he doesn't get why he can't read it. Tom said he's not done there and he's not going to read it. Howard gave up on the idea and took a break a minute later.
Howard moved on from that and brought up ''American Idol'' again. He had a clip of Elton John being interviewed about the show and whether or not it's a racist show. That interview aired on Entertainment Tonight. Ryan Seacrest also had a theory on what's been going on with the black chicks on the show. Howard played another clip from Entertainment Tonight where they talked about how there was a radio deejay who said that someone would ''take out'' this kid from American Idol the first time he goes on the road.
Howard pointed out how ill Barbra Streissand is because she's having a garage sale today. She's selling off her stuff so she can raise some money for charity. He said she named it ''Her name is Barbra'' and she's turned this thing into a media event. Howard and the guys goofed on some of the stuff she's going to be selling at this thing. She has clothes from some of the movies she's been in so Howard wondered what kind of people are buying that stuff. He said it's kind of creepy when people display that stuff in their homes without wearing it. Artie said there can't be a lot of dudes going to that sale. Howard told him there are a lot of guys who will go, they're just not the same dudes who would be showing up at his house.
Howard told the guys that having sex last night was good because he's happy with his body at this point. He lost 12 pounds and it was quite a struggle.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy asked Howard if he and Gary are gay because of their American Idol discussions. Howard said there are plenty of other guys watching that show and he's not the only homo watching. Another caller brought up the delay hits that have been happening lately. Howard said he has a meeting with Mel Karmazin tomorrow and he's going to try to get out of his contract so he can put an end to all of this nonsense.
A listener asked Howard about what he thinks about the war in Iraq. Howard told the guy that we should be out of there already. He and the caller talked about how they think John Kerry should be in office after the election in November. Howard said there's no comparison between Bush and Kerry when it comes to the Viet Nam war. Howard went off on Bush's administration and the FOX network for bashing Kerry so much. He said they call themselves ''Fair and Balanced'' but they're far from it. He said that Bush doesn't even need TV commercials, he's got a whole network backing him.
A listener called in and asked Howard where they can see more of his girlfriend Beth. Howard told him she'll be on the August cover of FHM magazine. The caller wants Howard to have her on the air as often as possible and said that he should have a reality TV show based on her like Jessica Simpson does. Howard said people who do that kind of stuff have to be really disturbed. Artie said that Jessica Simpson was just about out of show business before that show took off so it was a good move for her.
The caller Howard had on the line told him that he was working as a teacher at the high school Howard went to as a kid. Howard ended up giving him a $500 gift certificate to ProFlowers.com and talked to him for a couple of minutes about how horrible that school is. Howard wondered why he took a job at that school and not somewhere safer. The guy said for the most part the kids are pretty good over there. They do have metal detectors there at the school to find weapons though. Howard said he would get the shakes if he had to walk into that school today. The caller told Howard that it's really not all that bad there. Howard let him go after talking to him for a few minutes about that.
Artie told Howard that yesterday there was a shootout at the school where his girlfriend teaches. Howard told him that she's got to get out of that school if that's what's going on there. Artie said she just won some kind of award for her teaching over there. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard has to pick out a song to perform in their Karaoke contest out in Vegas. He was talking about doing a Led Zeppelin song but hadn't picked one out. He said he's been trying out ''O'er the hills and far away'' but it's a little too high for him. He demonstrated how bad it was for everyone and sang along to the song for a minute. He tried a couple of others as well. Howard was thinking of doing a Cat Stevens song but Robin said people would walk out on that. He was trying some other songs that weren't working so well either. He was even thinking of doing Christina Aguilera's ''Beautiful.''
Artie was talking about doing Prince's ''Raspberry Berret'' as his ''gay song.'' Artie said Prince is cool but he thinks the lyrics are kind of gay. KC came in and told the guys that Warren Zevon covered that song and made it rock. He brought in the CD and had Howard play it. Howard said he loved Zevon and he was good.
Captain Janks called in and asked Howard if he thinks his company, Infinity Broadcasting, would just put his show on one of the stations in the markets that Clear Channel pulled him off of. Howard said he's not interested in that though. He was going to get off the phone but Janks had an old prank call he made to Robert Plant on a talk show. Janks asked Plant if he would go on Howard's show but Plant never really answered him.
Howard got back to the Led Zeppelin songs and tried to pick one out to perform for the Karaoke thing. He also played some Cat Stevens stuff while Robin begged him not to. He sang along to a few of his songs and then said he really doesn't want to be in the Karoke contest. He said Artie's going to win anyway. He was thinking about singing Red Peters' ''I Can't Say These Things.'' He tried playing it again since they had bleeped out the parts that Tom wanted cut out. This time there were so many bleeps that it was like one constant bleep sound. He freaked out again and said that he has to get out of there. He said Tom has no idea what's funny and now the song isn't funny. Before you had an idea of what he was singing about but Tom had it bleeped so much that you couldn't tell.
Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard how Tom told him what to bleep out and when he listened to it again he told him it was still just as funny as it was before. Howard said it was like an SOS the way it was bleeped. They took out everything that was funny in the song. Fred started playing some of the songs they have with Tom's laughs in them to goof on the guy. Howard told Fred to play the bleep sound effect over Tom whenever he comes in the studio from now on. They tried it out to see what it would sound like. It would be just like the song that he ruined.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him why they bleeped out the word ''wigger'' on his E! show. Howard said he was talking to the head of E! and she was giving him some cryptic message about how weird things are over there and how she has bosses too. He doesn't know what she's talking about though. He had to take another break after that.
Howard went on to talk about how Cabbie would be in soon with his Wack Pack Member. He then read an article about George W. Bush and Dick Cheney and how they got out of the Viet Nam war. He thinks it's wrong for them to be talking about John Kerry's history with the war when they weren't doing anything themselves.
Howard read some e-mail they've gotten about Cabbie and Artie. He said that someone wrote in about how dirty Artie looks in person. Another person wrote in about Cabbie's ''Name the 'Nese'' game that they played yesterday. They claim that he had a lot of the stuff wrong in the game. Some people wrote in about this ''Get John's Job'' competition they have going on. They complained that everyone trying out for the show has been a wack pack member or someone close to the show. Howard pointed out that Dan the Song Parody Man isn't a wack pack member or part of the show. He's just a fan from New Jersey.
An e-mailer wrote in and said that Cabbie should be hired for the job. That led to Howard talking about Cabbie's girlfriend and how she lets Cabbie take pictures of her naked. Then he brings them in and shows them to them at the station. Howard had Cabbie come in to ask him about the boobs in the pictures. Howard asked him if she got implants or something. Cabbie said they're not implants, she just blossomed after she met him. He said that she started eating right and living right and they got bigger. Cabbie also said that he doesn't show those pictures to ''everyone'' there. Gary chimed in and said that he saw them and so did Artie, Will and Jason. Cabbie said that Jason didn't see them but the other guys did.
Vinnie Favale called in and said that he has seen pictures of Cabbie's girlfriend on the web. He described the pictures that he saw but Cabbie said they don't sound like something that he took. Vinnie said that they're posted in the newsgroups but Cabbie doesn't think those are actually pictures of her. He thinks there are people out there putting pictures up and saying that they're his girl when they're not.
Howard asked Cabbie about getting married so he turned it around on him and asked Howard when he's getting married. Howard told him he's not the one that's engaged but Cabbie seems to think that he is since Beth is making ''Engagement Chicken'' for him.
Cabbie told Howard about this guy he brought in to be his wack pack member. This guy is called Quinn the Intellectual Stutterer. Howard said the guy doesn't look funny. Howard liked him already for some reason. He asked him about his stutter and about how smart he is. He says that he got a 1460 on his SATs but Howard didn't think that was as good as Cabbie was making him sound.
Howard and Robin talked to Quinn a little bit and found that he wasn't all that funny. Howard said that John the Stutterer is funny because he stutters. Cabbie said that this guy is really smart but John the Stutterer has an IQ of about 12. Howard said he might be too smart. Cabbie was saying that he could beat Fred in ''Win Fred's Money.'' Howard said that's possible but the guy wasn't funny.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Cabbie that there is no common law marriage in New York. Cabbie was talking to Howard about that earlier since he and his girlfriend have been together for a few years now. Howard said he will never marry again because he wakes up every morning and thinks about how he has to get up and go to work while his ex-wife takes half of his money.
Howard told Cabbie that his wack pack member wasn't a home run. Cabbie tried to get Quinn to wake up a little bit but it didn't work. Howard told him to calm down and then told Quinn that he's not funny but that's not a bad thing. Cabbie asked him why he did this to him. Howard asked Quinn if he has a girlfriend. When he said he does Artie yelled out ''Wack packers don't have girlfriends!''
Howard said that these guys just took his show and did it in Spanish. The guys told Howard that they weren't fined for language on their station though. They were fined for using Fidel Castro's voice on the air without his permission. Cabbie said that they should be fined for something like that. The guys asked Howard if he would ask Osama bin Laden for permission to put him on the air. Howard said that he would ask someone like that because you have to. Howard told one of the guys, Joe, that he will call his wife and talk dirty to her without telling her that she's on the air. He wondered if that was okay with them. He didn't really give Joe a chance to answer.
The guys were kind of bad mouthing Howard but not really so Howard didn't really understand. They were talking about how he looks like a witch at one point and then telling him how they support him. They were all over the place.
Howard got off the phone with them and then took a phone call from a guy who said he heard the S-word on a New York station. Howard told the guy to file a complaint to the FCC about that. He said they'll put the information on HowardStern.com for those people who want to file a complaint.
Quinn told Howard that he didn't know that he was going to be coming in the studio like he did. He would have prepared better if he knew what he was going to do. Cabbie said he knew what they were going to do though so he didn't know what he was talking about. Howard had to take a break but Cabbie said tomorrow he has his ''Tell Staff Secrets'' assignment so he'll be back in to do that.
Benjy then asks Gary the Retard if he's able to count to 15. If he can, he could win a date with Pam Anderson. Howard thought that he would be able to do that but he knew the outcome because he had the next question which was ''can you count to 20?'' Howard didn't place any bets on that one. Gary was actually able to get up to 20 when Benjy asked him to. Benjy told him that Pam is really into guys who can count so Gary continued to go up to 40. Benjy told Gary that he would talk to Pam about this date and then told him that Pam has Hepatitis C which is a deadly disease. He told him he should be okay if he just wears a condom. He didn't have any of his own so Benjy told him he'd have Pam supply the condoms.
A listener called in and said that he found Beetlejuice walking the streets of Philadelphia all by himself. He said that Beet asked to be driven back to Jersey City. Howard wondered what he was doing out there all by himself. The caller said he was near a neighborhood that wasn't so great so they found him just in time. He said that his son brought him up to the counter at a bus station and tried to help him get a ticket. It sounded like quite a hassle though. Howard said that he would make for a great reality TV show. He'd love to have a camera follow him around for a while. The caller told Howard that Beetlejuice had a wad of cash in his pocket when he saw him. He was afraid that he was going to get robbed or something.
Howard said that they should have a competition between him and Beetle to see who could find their way home first. Howard isn't that good at getting himself home so Beet could probably beat him. He had Robin start her news after that.
During the news Howard took a call from Beetlejuice's limo driver who told Howard that Beet does walk off from appearances sometimes and they have to track him down. Beetlejuice is home and he's okay though. A woman who lives in Beet's neighborhood called in and said she has seen him out and about and she has to try and avoid him when she sees him. Her husband is a cop in the area and he has been called to their house a couple of times. She said that Beet's manager has tried to give the guys some Beetlejuice t-shirts to smooth things over.
Howard was asking the woman if she wears short shorts out on the streets of her town. She said she might do that. Howard likes women like that who walk around their suburban neighborhoods in short shorts. He thought she sounded hot on the phone so Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her before having Robin get back to her news.
Howard started off the morning trying to figure out if he should bring strippers along with him when he flies out to Las Vegas next month. He said he really can't do it when he's got a girlfriend. He thought it would be fun to have strippers on the private jet but now he's not sure he can do it. He also revealed that he agreed to let Benjy fly along with them on the private jet. He asked Benjy if he was sure he wanted to go with them on that jet. Benjy said he didn't ask to go with them, he was invited. Howard said he really doesn't want him on the plane but he feels bad not inviting him because he sits there with the rest of them in the studio every morning. Howard said he really doesn't want him there and he knows that Benjy won't let him off the hook now that he's already invited him. Benjy told him to go on a different plane if he didn't want him on his. Howard compared Benjy to a rock band's roadie and said that the rock stars never flew on a private jet with the roadies.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered why he would put Benjy on the plane with him. It was supposed to be a party plane and Benjy is going to ruin the party. Howard said they have a 14 seat plane but he is going to limit it to 6 people. He said his agent Don Buchwald is going to be there and he's no fun. Benjy and KC are going to be there as well but Howard doesn't want either of them on the plane. Howard wants to play cards but KC isn't that great at playing. KC came in and told Howard that he was willing to give up his seat to Dominic Barbara because he has been so cool to him. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to replace KC with Dominic either.
Howard and the guys talked about the last time they flew out to Vegas and how Artie was already drunk and down by a couple hundred bucks by the time they landed out there. Artie will also be drunk the whole time he's there this time.
The flight out to Vegas this time doesn't sound like that much fun to Howard. He said he really doesn't want to play cards with KC and Benjy. Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard that they had a lot of fun when they flew out last time. He wants to fly out there with him but he also wants KC to be there. Howard told Dominic that he's going to make a decision about everything today so he'll let him know if he's going to be allowed on the plane.
Gary was making some movements on the other side of the studio so Howard wondered what he was trying to do. He was doing pantomime according to Howard and it was annoying him. KC was laughing at him for doing what he was doing. Gary tried to change subjects and told Howard that he has to pick a song to perform during their Karaoke thing.
King of All Blacks called in and talked to Howard about what he said about having to give up half his money to his wife in his divorce. He had complained about that during yesterday's show. Howard said he wasn't talking about his ex-wife specifically, he was just talking about these guys who are out there working hard for their money and then they get divorced and have to give half of it up. He said it's just sickening to him. Howard was talking about how King of All Blacks goes out and picks up people's garbage every day. King told him that he's not a garbage man anymore. He said he's moved up to a street sweeper now and got a raise. Howard said that he worked hard to get there and if he ever got married and divorced, his wife would get half the money he made doing that hard work. King said he could never marry a woman who doesn't work and his girl works hard.
King of all Blacks was also talking to Robin about the type of guy she likes to go out with. He figures she likes an aggressive type of guy. She said she doesn't like a push-over guy so he might be right there. Robin also said that she likes a ''real man'' and not a teddy bear. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then Howard got King off the line. Howard and Robin said they didn't know that becoming a street sweeper is a promotion for a garbage man.
Howard got back to his private jet conversation and ended up talking about how he's a great boyfriend because he's not going to take the strippers on the jet. He also said that he doesn't treat women like crap like a lot of guys do. Gary talked about how in love Howard seems to be with Beth when he sees them together.
Howard said that Donald Trump is going to get married again. Robin said that it seems like that's Trump's way of saying goodbye. He dates them for a while and after he marries them, they break up. Howard said it might be easier to get her to sign a pre-nup and give her a few bucks rather than just breaking up with them. Howard would like to go to that wedding.
A listener called in and told Howard that he got divorced and is still giving up half of his paycheck after years of being out of the marriage. He said his wife doesn't work, she just collects half of his paycheck. Howard spent a couple of minutes with that guy and then took a break.
Howard read some of the mail they've gotten about Cabbie lately. People are tired of him already and don't want him to get John's job. A bunch of people wrote in and complained about him being on the air and about how much he sucks. People were calling him names and goofing on him. Robin wondered if Cabbie gets more negative e-mail than anyone else gets positive e-mail. Howard said that is true.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who saw the video of President Bush wiping his glasses on a woman's shirt while off the air at David Letterman's show. The writer thought it was ridiculous that he would do something like that. Howard quickly read through a bunch of other e-mails about his singing on the air trying to find a song to perform in the Karaoke contest.
Someone wrote in and complained about Benjy's prank call to Gary the Retard where he asked him if he'd be willing to stomp on kittens to get the chance to sleep with Pam Anderson. The writer said they won't be listening anymore because that went too far. Howard said he doesn't care, don't listen if you don't want to hear it.
Howard said a lot of people want to hear the Red Peters song that they were playing the past couple of days. Howard said if you want to hear it you have to go to RedPeters.com because Tom has ruined it with his censoring. Howard said that Tom has stopped them from playing some other bits like the one where KC talks to High Pitch Erik about giving him oral to make up to him for something he did. Howard said he's done and he's going to talk to his boss Mel today about getting out. He said Mel is a good dude and he doesn't want to screw him over but he can't do his show the way he wants to do it anymore.
Cabbie called in around 6:55 and told Howard that he isn't on a regular schedule at this time but if he gets the job he'd be on a regular schedule and would be there on time every morning. He said that Stuttering John was always late as well so he's just following in Stuttering John's footsteps.
Howard said there is a clip going around the internet (EbaumsWorld.com) that's pretty funny. A news report was being done about wine making and while they're showing a woman stomping grapes, she falls and makes some really weird noises. She's was moaning and saying she couldn't breathe. Howard was laughing at the anchorman who really didn't know what to do. Howard said the woman who was stomping the grapes was up in a barrel and fell on the ground from a distance. Howard liked the sounds she was making so they'll take that clip and save it for future use.
A listener called in and told Howard about the clip he had listened to earlier where the woman fell out of the grape stomping bucket. He said he saw it on EbaumsWorld.com. Howard said that's right and he probably saw it there as well. They spent a minute talking about the clip and took a commercial break a short time later. He also quickly mentioned that Rodney Dangerfield will be on the show soon.
Howard brought up how Bush had an argument with his mother one time where he told her that anyone who isn't ''born again'' is going to hell. His mother disagreed with him so he decided to call Billy Graham and ask him what he thought. Graham apparently agreed with his mother but he said he doesn't care and he's going to believe what he believes. Howard said the guy is nuts and he's got to be voted out of office.
Gary brought Jenny in and Howard said she looked great. She was wearing a thin shirt that showed off her breasts since she wasn't wearing a bra. Howard asked her if she was wearing panties. She said she was wearing some but they were mesh and see through. Jenny also told Howard that she got off thinking about Howard feeling her breasts the last time she was on the show. She swore on the life of her mother that she really did get off on that. Jenny said it was the way that he caressed them instead of just squeezing them like most guys would do. She told Howard that he's pretty sensual and she really liked that.
Howard was liking Jenny's legs and breasts. He and Artie were both standing up checking her out instead of sitting down. Howard asked her when she first fantasized about him touching her breasts. She said it was the next time she had sex and her husband knew that she was thinking about Howard. He said that's kind of weird because he never fantasizes about another woman when he's banging one. He said he thinks about the woman he's with. Howard said he does think about other chicks when he's pleasuring himself.
Howard told Jenny about the fantasies he's had about her. He would like to do a lot of stuff to her so he told her about that a little bit. Howard said he'd like to just do her ''the regular way.'' She said she thought she was starting to stick to the seat hearing that from him. Howard still couldn't seem to get over the fact that she thought about him while she was making love to her husband. She said that she told her husband about what she was fantasizing about with Howard while they were having sex.
The delay button was hit a couple of times while Howard was talking to Jenny about her fantasies. Howard told Jenny about how much he needed his girlfriend the other night when he was with her. They were watching American Idol and he couldn't make it through the whole show. He said he did some stuff with pillows. He didn't get into details though.
Howard was still standing up 10 minutes into the interview. Jenny told Howard she could tell that he was getting big in the pants and it was ''hanging low'' even though he claims that he's small. He thought that was kind of cool.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that Jenny told him that she makes up all of this stuff to disarm Howard so he won't bring up other stuff with her. That really bummed Howard out and he wondered if Chaunce was telling him the truth or not. Howard asked Jenny to swear on the life on her mother that the stuff she was telling him was true. She swore that it was real and she really does like Howard and all of the stuff she was saying was real. Chaunce said that he has tape of her saying that to him and he will play it for him tomorrow. Robin pointed out how Chaunce doesn't always get this stuff right when he does interviews so he could be wrong. Chaunce told Howard to enjoy his fantasy for 24 hours because he'll have proof tomorrow.
Jenny told Howard that she can't let him feel her up this time because her husband isn't there. Last time it was okay with her husband but this time was different for some reason.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and let some guys ask her some questions. One guy wanted Jenny off the air. Another guy asked what her feet were like. Howard had her take her shoes off and said that they were perfect. Howard then asked her how old she is. She said she's now 31 and she's liking her 30s so far. Howard told her that she should stop aging right now because it's a good time.
A listener told Jenny about how Howard tied Angie Everhart up in bed one time when they were going out. Howard didn't want to get into too many details but did admit that he tied her up. He wouldn't talk about whether or not he tied Beth up. He said he's trying to hold things together with her and didn't want to talk about it.
A caller had an F***, Marry, Kill game for Howard to play. He gave him 3 choices, Jenny, Heather Locklear and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. Howard said he would have to kill Heather, F*** Rebecca and marry Jenny.
Howard read some notes about Jenny's pregnancy and how she claims to have had some ''discharges'' that were strong enough to eat right through her underwear while she was pregnant. Howard told her that she really doesn't need to write about that stuff because it's not sexy. She said she just wanted to write some honest stuff and that's what it was. Howard said that's crazy. He read that her husband only had sex with her twice while she was pregnant. She said that they did it in her 9th month and it was a mess. The delay was hit during that so we missed out on what she was talking about. Jenny also claims that she pleasured herself during her pregnancy and she had the most intense orgasms she'd ever had during that time. She said she didn't want her husband to see her while she was fat so she wasn't having sex with him very much.
Jenny was talking about how great this vibrator called the Pocket Rocket was for pleasuring herself. Howard said he would use that on her if he was with her. He waned to demonstrate on her what he would do to her. There were a couple of delay hits during this segment so we lost track of what they were talking about a few times.
Jenny told Howard that she planned her outfit for today for about 3 months before coming in. Howard told her she did a good job on picking it out because it was hot. Howard told her that he fasted for a week to lose weight for her appearance. Jenny told Howard that Beth should read her book so when she gets pregnant, she'll know what to expect. Howard told Jenny that Beth is not going to get pregnant from him, he's already had his kids and done all of that stuff that Jenny is doing now.
A listener told Howard how the delay button was being hit during the interview. Gary came in and told Howard that one of their affiliates had already gone to commercial break 3 times during the interview. Howard talked about how it really is time for him to go. He said he's ready to go because it's not fun for him anymore. He hates that he's talking to Jenny about all of this stuff and his audience can't hear it.
Gary told Howard that Jenny has to get going because she's on her way to do ''The View.'' Howard asked her to ask Star Jones about her upcoming marriage to a guy who has a questionable sexual background. Jenny said she doesn't know her that well so she's not sure she could ask her about that. Howard said he'd send a note along with Jenny telling Star that he's worried about this marriage of hers. He wants her to wait 2 years before getting married.
A caller told Howard that he should hook Jenny up to a lie detector and ask her about the stuff Chaunce brought up earlier. She said she has stuff that she wouldn't want to talk about on the air. Jenny said she'd be wiling to take one about the stuff Chaunce brought up but that's it.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and asked Howard to take pictures of Jenny and put them up on his web site. She said she could do that but she has to go. Howard gave her a plug for her book ''BELLY LAUGHS: The Naked Truth About Pregnancy and Childbirth'' and wrapped up the interview with Jenny.
Howard brought up Donald Trump's recent engagement announcement. He spent a minute on that and then brought up a news story about a news story about a guy who beat his kid with an 18 inch long beef jerky stick in a deli. He read the story and talked about that for a short time. Howard jokingly said he beat his kids with Lean Cuisine boxes.
A listener called in and said he asked Robin Givens what Howard was like when she was with him. He said she was all smiles but the story really didn't go anywhere. The guy said he sent in an audition tape for Stuttering John's job but Howard told the guy that he told a story that wasn't that interesting so he might not be that great on the show.
A woman called in and told Howard how hot the interview was that he'd just done with Jenny McCarthy. She didn't think that Jenny was making up all of that stuff she was saying about how much she digs Howard. Howard didn't seem like he was sure she was telling the truth or not. Another guy called in and told him how great the interview was as well. He liked some of his lines about Jenny's ''discharge'' and some of the other stuff they were talking about. Howard spent a minute talking to that guy and then brought in the armless/legless wrestler.
Kyle said he doesn't always have a wheelchair to get around. He said he does use it at school just to get around but at home he doesn't. Kyle is going to go to college down in Georgia and will probably wrestle there as well.
Howard said that this guy must be a Jesus freak to have this great of an attitude. Kyle said that he is kind of a Jesus freak and his faith has helped him get through a lot. KC came in and told Howard that this guy has an advantage over the guys he wrestles because he's in a lower weight category than he would usually be in. Howard thought KC was nuts after saying that. Howard asked Kyle if he's gotten chicks. He says he has so Artie said that he couldn't get laid in high school and he had arms and legs.
Kyle is able to type about 50 words a minute with a pencil that he holds somehow. Howard said he saw that and was impressed by that as well. Howard told him he's got a great attitude. He asked him if he's ever gotten into a street fight in his life. Kyle said he did get into a fight with a guy at a football game one time. Gary came in and said some kids tried to steal his wheel chair one time and he beat the crap out of the guy. He punched him in the stomach and in the mouth and the guy went down. Howard said this guy is having a better life than him and he's kind of resenting him for that.
Artie said if he was armless and legless, he'd ask someone to just drop him in a buffet. Dominic Barbara called in and said that this kid was making him cry because he just goes out and does everything. Howard asked him when he lost his virginity. Kyle didn't want to talk about it but he laughed when Howard asked him if he was under the age of 16. Howard told him that he really should be a motivational speaker. Kyle already has offers to do that.
Howard asked Kyle if he's able to wipe himself after going to the bathroom. He said he has figured it out and he can reach back there. He asked him if he goes front to back or back to front. Kyle said he goes front to back and has no problem. He also claims that he's able to use a urinal. Howard has barely figured out how to wipe himself and this kid can do it without arms.
Howard gave Kyle a plug for his web site KMaynard.com which is actually under construction at this time. He says that they're working on a professional site that will be up sometime in the future. A woman called in after that and told Howard he should be ashamed of himself for complaining about the stuff he complains about after hearing this guy.
One caller said he doesn't believe that this kid gets laid. Howard said he believes it because he's seen tape of him doing stuff. He doesn't think he's a liar either. Howard asked him if he would have sex with Robin right now. He said he couldn't do that and Howard said she'd probably kill him anyway because she's so wild.
Kyle demonstrated his wiping abilities with some toilet paper right there in the studio. Howard and the guys were impressed with his technique. Howard took a call from Zolar who was disguising himself as a woman. Unfortunately, his punch line was cut out when the delay button was hit on him.
Kyle's management team came in and told Howard about what they're doing for Kyle. They're working for him to find stuff for him to do. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to each of the three people. One of them was a chick who was pretty cute according to Gary. Double A called in and told Howard this guy makes him feel really crappy about his own life because he was turned down by a whore and this guy is getting laid. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Kyle and then wrapped up the interview and went to break.
Cabbie has been trying out for Stuttering John's Job this whole week. Today he showed up late so it was a strike against him. Cabbie doesn't think he has a chance to win if they're going to have an internet vote. Howard said you never know what's going to happen because there are people out there who like him. He said that there could also be confusion about who people vote for and he could get the fluke votes.
Howard had Cabbie tell a story about someone on the show. This is one of his assignments for the week. Cabbie asked everyone in the room who they think committed a major felony. Howard wondered if that person wants people to know about that. Cabbie didn't think that was the point though. He said the crime was auto theft... and the person was Gary. Gary came in a minute later and said that was true and it was the dumbest thing he ever did. He was 14 years old and found that a guy had left his keys in his convertible so he and a friend took it and drove it around for an hour or so. They returned it and had to park it a couple of blocks from where they stole it from. They never got caught.
Cabbie had another story to tell about KC. Cabbie said he and his girlfriend were out driving around one day and they saw KC coming out of a Holiday Inn with a man. He said they saw him walk out with the guy and hug him for a little too long. KC came in and said that his gym is there and he has stayed there before. KC said Cabbie can say what he wants but he doesn't know who he's talking about. Cabbie thinks he was hugging a gay lover but KC says he's not gay. KC told Cabbie that he's the one who has had gay sex, not him. Cabbie said the hug he saw lasted at least 10 seconds.
Joey Boots called in and said this has been the worst week with Cabbie being on the show. Joey told Cabbie he needs to come up with something original because the ''Who's the Nese'' game he heard on a show out in Colorado about 4 months ago. Cabbie seemed to think that he was just jealous of him.
Cabbie told Howard another story about KC and the tanning salon he goes to. He asked KC what he does when he goes into a tanning booth. KC says that he brought Jim Florentine with him one time but that was because there were hot chicks there. Cabbie said he has heard stories about KC bringing guys there and doing them in the tanning booth. KC just laughed at him when he told those stories.
Captain Janks said he thought Cabbie wasn't all that bad this week but he works at the station so he has an inside scoop on people who work there so it's not really fair to others who might try out. Howard said that doesn't really matter and they're just looking for someone who is a good candidate for John's job.
Howard took a couple more calls and let some people goof on Cabbie a little bit. Howard then had to wrap up the segment so he could take a break. KC and Cabbie were still arguing about the whole Tanning Salon thing as they went to break.
Howard had some audio tape he played of Bush talking about Christ and how he ''changed his heart.'' After hearing him ramble about how Christ changes his heart, Howard said that he sounds as dense as his General Manager Tom Chiusano. He went on and on about this church stuff and he was supposed to be making a political speech, not a church speech. Howard one clip where they talked about Bush's argument with his mother about how people who aren't born again are going to hell.
Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) called in with some ratings information from Pittsburgh where Howard was recently taken off a Clear Channel station. Janks said that a year ago Howard was number 3 in the market with a 7.1 rating. The latest ratings say that they've dropped down to a 3.6 and down to 8th place. Janks also read Howard a letter he got in response to the Oprah Winfrey fines. In the letter the FCC basically says that they will not be fining Oprah Winfrey over the discussion she had on her show recently about sex acts that kids are doing these days. Howard said that he will play a clip of that segment on his show tomorrow since the FCC has now decided that it's not indecent. Janks played a prank call he made to a news program during the start of the Iraq war last year as he was getting off the phone. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard mentioned the guy they had on the show yesterday who had no arms and legs and how today they had a guy with no hair... Scott the Engineer. He went on to talk about his day yesterday after the show. He met with Mel Karmazin, the head of the company he works for, and there was a big build up before that happened. He said that Tom was making a huge deal about him showing up there and all Howard wanted to do was get the meeting started. Howard talked about how Tom has ruined his show since this whole FCC thing got out of hand. He's threatening people on his staff and it's really annoying. He said he tried calling Tom at home last night and his wife said that he was at his putting green and she could get him within a few seconds. Howard said he must have a putting green there at his house or something.
Howard said he wanted to talk to Tom about him telling his staff not to do stuff. Yesterday he was telling them not to take calls from Zolar anymore for some reason. Howard said he never approved that and he wanted ask Tom why he's trying to ruin his show.
Howard talked about how nothing can get resolved with this indecency bill and while that is going on he's got Tom standing in his office waiting for Jason to hand him stuff so he can go over it. Tom is apparently supposed to handle stuff through Anne Marie but he's going into his office directly instead. Now Howard wants to move his office away from Tom so he can't do that anymore.
Howard said he didn't get a chance to talk to Mel much yesterday. He said Mel was doing the talking and they didn't go over everything. He said the radio stuff isn't a business anymore now that he's got the government on his ass. Howard told Robin he wants to talk to Robin off the air about this stuff. He said he was talking to Mel about leaving radio and Mel said that he really can't stop him. Mel is a good salesman and when he left the meeting he was thinking that things were okay but then he got the call about Tom. He thinks that Tom doesn't give him enough respect.
Tom came in and told Howard that he gives him plenty of respect. The two of them argued about that for a minute and then Howard asked him if he has a putting green at his house. Tom actually lives near a place where they have a puttting green and that's where he was when Howard called him. He was only 5 minutes away and his wife could have gotten him pretty quick. Tom went on to tell Howard that he needed to listen to a tape yesterday and that's why he was in the office yesterday standing over Jason waiting for him. Howard told Tom that those tapes are his tapes and he wants to know when that stuff is being taken. Tom said the tapes are the companies tapes and he can take them when he needs them. Howard thought that they had a system where he would go through Anne Marie but Tom said he doesn't feel he has to tell Howard if he's going to take a tape and reproduce it.
Howard and Tom argued for quite a while about the process that's supposed to work for getting the tapes. Tom said he went in and asked for a tape and was told that they've been told not to give him tapes without Howard's permission. Howard told Tom that he should have gone to Anne Marie and asked her for the tape. He wants to keep track of the tapes and it doesn't matter who takes them, they're supposed to sign them out. Tom feels that he was just going to take the tape and reproduce it so he shouldn't have to go through Anne Marie. Robin got in on the argument and told Tom that when a library sets up a system they don't make exceptions for one person.
Howard said he's trying to run his show the way he wants but Tom is making it very hard for him. That's why he wants the rules set up for the recordings of the show. Tom insisted that getting the tape was urgent and he needed to listen to it. Tom said that he wanted to get the tape as soon as possible because it was late in the day and he wanted to get it over with before the end of the show.
They also talked about the Zolar thing. Tom said that Zolar should know that things have changed on the show lately and he can't just throw out lines that they have to dump out of. Howard told Tom that he should be sending him a memo about something like that and he'll do what he can about it. Howard told Tom he's got a lot going on with his show and his life and he doesn't need to hear that he's telling his staff not to take calls from someone like that.
Howard said he wants the tapes of his show handed to him every day instead of putting them in his office. That way Tom will have to come directly to him instead of going through the office. Howard is going to put the tapes in a briefcase and handcuff it to his arm. Tom said he's all for a system but when he asked Anne Marie for the tape yesterday, he was told that she didn't have it, Jason did. That's when he went to Jason and got the tape from him.
Howard told Tom that he'll be done with him in 18 months when his contract is up... if he lasts that long. The argument continued after Howard brought up the procedures again. He asked Tom what he did after he listened to that tape yesterday. Tom said that if he hadn't listened to it, it would have slowed things down over something that had to be done. Howard asked Tom to just give him the respect he needs and to just let them keep track of the tapes the way they want to. Howard knows that Tom had to get the tape to their lawyer. Tom kept saying that he had to get it for ''someone'' but Howard pointed out who it was actually for. Howard asked Tom if he can walk into his office and just take stuff without asking him for it. Tom said he can come in and take anything that is co-owned with the company. Tom says that the tapes of the show are co-owned by Howard and the company so he has the right to take what he wants, when he needs it. Howard couldn't get through to Tom so he told Gary to give him the tapes of the show every hour so he can take them home with him. Howard was ready for the pissing contest that Tom was creating. He demanded that Gary give him the CD of the show every hour when they change over to another one. He went on to apologize to the audience for creating this argument and even apologized to Tom.
Tom was getting ready to leave when Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who told Howard they should buy Tom a $50 tape recorder and let him tape his own version of the show. Tom said he doesn't think they need multiple copies of the show like that. Howard told him to just go ahead and do it, he doesn't care. Howard said anyone out there can record the show at home if they want to so why can't Tom make his own copy? Tom said that he may do that since it was suggested. Howard had to take a break after all of that.
Howard mentioned that one of the girls on American Idol could have been Robin's daughter and someone out there sent them a picture where the two of them are next to each other and look very similar. Howard said he'll put the picture up on his web site so everyone can see it. Howard said when he does a side by side comparison, he's standing next to a scarecrow. That led to Artie talking about seeing himself on E! last night in the Superman outfit. Howard said if Jenny McCarthy saw that show, there's no way she's still attracted to him. The guys talked about how Artie was stretching out the outfit and they couldn't believe that the woman let them put it on. They also talked about how perfectly KC filled out the outfit when he put it on. They goofed on him a little bit but then the E! guys played tape from the show where each of them were trying it on. Artie had hair sticking out the back of the outfit and Howard couldn't even fit into it because he's so tall. Artie thought he looked like he shouldn't even be walking upright because he looks so ''early man'' like. Robin said that Artie should be walking around with a club in his hand. They goofed around with that stuff for a couple of minutes and then took another break.
Howard had a conversation with his buddy Ralph yesterday and he had him demonstrating his bush shaving technique over his pants. They quickly moved on to talk about chicks after that though. He also talked about how Beth cooked for him last night. Ralph was over so he said it was like Barbie cooking for Howard. She's been getting that for a long time but she doesn't think she looks like Barbie.
Howard said that Jeff Schick has been helping him out with his web site and they're talking about doing a lot of cool stuff on the site now. Howard asked if Jeff wanted to come in after that. He did come in but his co-workers didn't follow because they really shouldn't be on the air. Howard didn't spend much time with him before he talked about how his girlfriend was on the cover of a magazine recently and he was told that they had a ton of cancellations because his name was on the cover. He said he must be really bad if that's what happens when his name is mentioned.
Howard asked Jeff if IBM has invented anything cool lately. He talked about how Jeff wanted him to go over there to see the guys working at IBM but he never got there. Howard told Jeff how cool it is that he can walk around his apartment with his Thinkpad with no wires and still be connected to the internet. Howard told Jeff he deserves a raise because he works hard over there at IBM. Howard talked to him about what his title is and what he's in charge of and then sent him back to his friends in the green room. He said he'd go talk to them during the break.
Ralph called in and told Howard how sweet Beth is and how hard she tries to make Howard happy. Howard doesn't think that she's ''trying'' to make him happy, she enjoys cooking for him. Ralph told Robing about how funny it was to see Beth cooking and how she was kind of falling apart as it was going on. Howard said that Beth made him some turkey meatballs that he loves but when Ralph tried them, he told her she was cooking them too much. Ralph said that he just told her that they were cooked enough after she asked him. He wasn't bad mouthing her food.
Ralph and Howard talked about Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and John Stamos. They brought up how odd it is that John runs off to Disney World a bunch of times a year. Howard said he would go to Scores if he got divorced, not Disney. Ralph told Howard how beautiful the hotels are at Disney and how they do have it set up for adults as well as children.
Gary came in and told the guys that if you have the money you can pay extra to get to cut to the front of the line at Disney. He said it's like $400 a day or something like that. Ralph said the best way to get to the front of the line is to get a wheel chair and wheel someone around. They bring you right to the front of the line when you do that. Ralph said they spent an hour there and had seen everything because they got right to the front of the line. He said that his sister really had hurt her leg so it wasn't a scam but he does want to scam them the next time he goes since they found out how easy it was.
Artie started doing his ''HEY RETARD!'' lines with Gary and told him to stay in his retarded hotel and not to cross the retarded street. He was doing a lot of that and Gary was even laughing at it. He usually gets pissed off at Artie for doing that stuff but today he was having fun with it.
Howard asked Gary if he can swim and talked about how he wants him to sit next to him poolside because the chicks would find him more attractive than Gary. Last year he had KC sitting next to him and the chicks were checking him out.
Howard told KC to get Gary a room at the Hard Rock because he really does deserve a room there. Gary really is a pain in the ass according to Howard because he's always asking to go places with them and then he complains about the accommodations they get him even though it's 2 steps away from where they'll be. KC said Gary is also very touchy-feely lately and he grabs you and hugs you. Howard told Gary to knock that stuff off and leave people alone when he sees them. Artie was continuing to do his ''Hey Retard!'' stuff and talking about everything being retarded. He had KC and Howard laughing quite a bit with that.
KC said that they have a little person's room at the Hard Rock and Beetlejuice will be staying there. KC said that Gary the Retard could stay with him. Howard said maybe since they have a mini-room out there, they should have a ''retard room.'' Artie made a joke about the retarded room not having a door and some other stuff like that.
Ralph called back in and told Howard that Gary is going to get hit by a car trying to cross the street out there. Howard said that Gary crosses the street just fine though. They were taking bets on him last year when he was doing it. Howard told Gary that he really doesn't want him crossing that street and he will try to get him a room at the Hard Rock. KC warned Howard that some of the rooms have balconies and he'd be afraid that he'd fall off. Artie did his thing and said ''It's raining retards!'' He said just his luck he'd get Blackjack and a retard would fall on him.
Howard said they should make Tom room with Gary the Retard. He doesn't even like that Tom goes out to Vegas and he'd love to make him room with Gary.
Gary ''Baba Booey'' came in and told Howard that Tom told him that they have to check and find out if they have a room available there at the Hard Rock. They actually need two rooms, one for Gary and one for his handler. They may not have an available room. Howard said that they should all go over and hang out in Gary the Retard's room one night. Artie said he'd be up for that. They could all get loaded and just hang with the guy.
KC said that without this guy James from KUFO, Gary would never get anywhere that they need him to get to. He helps him catch his fights and gets him to the station and all of that stuff.
Howard mentioned that they'll be in Vegas May 11th through the 13th taping shows. They have a lot of stuff going on out there and you can find out more about that at HowardStern.com. Howard had to take a break after that fun stuff.
Howard went to Trump's last wedding and as he was walking in he told reporters that he didn't give the marriage more than 6 months. Even Trump believed that and it didn't last much longer than that. Howard said he heard that Trump has signed to do a radio show with Clear Channel and that's kind of a bummer. He said he's going to have to go to court to sue them for the money they owe for the contracts that they signed with him for the six stations he was dropped from. He said that Trump should have Clear Channel put the money they're going to pay him into escrow so he has the money if he gets fired.
Howard played an Onion Radio News bit that he quickly played. He also had a prank call that KC made to a hotel that has short stay rates. KC told the woman who answered that he would only last about 2 minutes but their minimum stay was $30 for 3 hours. He only wanted like a half hour of time there and asked if there was a way to get a reduced rate. She didn't want to hear anything about that and told him she couldn't help him out. She hung up on him a couple of times after getting fed up with those questions.
Howard said their favorite clip of the week where the woman was stomping grapes and fell a few feet off a platform. He said that the clip is a few years old. He was reading an article about it and read that she broke like 3 ribs when that happened. He replayed the clip and then played Dan the Song Parody Man's song parody with that clip included in it.
Howard mentioned that they have a lot of good stuff on HowardStern.com for everyone to check out. They have a bunch of articles about the government and how they're trying to take away free speech. He said that he'll be talking to Cabbie later in the show about some interviews he did at a B movie premiere. He tried to get an interview with Jackie the Joke Man but he slipped past him somehow.
Howard read some e-mail that they've gotten lately. Someone asked him what he thought about Trump being signed with Clear Channel. Howard talked about this plans to get a bunch of the concert venues around the country together to fight Clear Channel since they're so powerful.
Someone e-mailed Howard about how George Bush is full of it when it comes to his views on religion. That led to Howard playing some clips from ''Frontline'' on PBS where some people were talking about Bush and how he believes that God wants him to be President and about how the bible is a good guide book for public policy. They pointed out how he was speaking as a religious leader, not the President of the United States in one of his speeches. There were a couple of other clips that he played that pointed out how disturbing Bush's views are.
Howard read some more e-mail about Jenny McCarthy, Cabbie and some other stuff that's been going on with the show lately. There were some about that guy Kyle that was on the show yesterday. For some reason the delay was hit when he first started reading mail about Kyle. Howard got more mail about his singing on the show and how he should stop doing it already.
Robin wondered why this young girl would be willing to do something like this. Eric said she's a big fan of the show and she's also going to get half of the winnings if he Win's Fred's Money. Howard asked Scoriah if she's ever gotten naked in front of guys before. She said she has but she's very nervous about doing it today.
Eric has a girlfriend and she's not so thrilled about him doing this with Scoriah. Howard didn't seem to care and had Eric get read to play the game. He had Scoriah get behind the curtain and get naked so they could drop it if Eric loses. Fred went into Robin's booth and put on some headphones with music playing so he couldn't hear the game. Robin said you can see right through the curtain so the guys can pretty much see what she looks like.
Howard told Eric how to play the game and then read him the 7 questions. He had 60 seconds to answer as many as possible. Here are the questions and the correct answers:
Cabbie has been in all week trying out for Stuttering John's job so today was his last day. Cabbie came in while he was talking about him. They played his theme song and listened to the whole thing before talking to him about his celebrity interviews. Howard heard that Cabbie said that the hardest part of the job this week was Gary's breath. He's been on a diet so he has horrible breath lately. Howard said that he was talking to Gary the other day and it really was awful. Gary said that his breath does get bad when he's on a diet. Cabbie asked him if he has halitosis or something. Gary said he doesn't think that's the case.
Gary turned things around on Cabbie and told Howard how he has all kinds of stories about any subject that you bring up. He tried mentioning a various word to him and he has a story about it. He brought up Jell-O and Cabbie had a story about it. He hears all kinds of stories from people and he believes them. Cabbie heard that they found Mohammad Atta's body still strapped in his seat about 3 blocks from the World Trade Center.
Howard brought up the celebrities that Cabbie interviewed at this movie premiere last night. He tried to get Jackie the Joke Man but he slipped by him going in and coming out of the premiere. Howard played tape of Cabbie interviewing Steven Van Zandt about what's going on with Howard and he seems to think that he's being singled out but he has never heard Howard's show. He says that he has seen his TV show but that's about it.
Cabbie also got an interview with a football player by the name of Brian Baldinger who seems to know a lot about what's going on with Howard's show and how messed up it is.
Cabbie got a quick interview with Danny Aiello. Howard played that and Cabbie asked him what he thinks about what's going on with his show. Danny says he loves Howard but couldn't do the show because Howard talks nasty on there and he has grand children. Cabbie said that the guy is a jazz singer now and he was kind of creepy looking.
Howard congratulated Cabbie on his week's worth of work. He said that he did good with the song parody and he was good on the air. The assignments he had to do weren't all that great but they weren't that bad. Howard said he'd give him a 7 or 8 out of 10 for the week. He had some good stories about the other staff members. He still believes that KC is gay and he thinks he has proof but he can't say how he knows. KC came in and said that Cabbie is a liar and he hasn't had gay experiences with guys like Cabbie thinks he has.
Cabbie claims that he had a guy come to him and tell him that they know that KC has done some gay stuff and he has been with men and he still goes with men. Howard wondered who the guy is and how much credibility he has. Cabbie says he's known the guy for years and he trusts him. The guy is gay and he claims to have seen KC out at clubs and stuff holding hands with guys.
KC was laughing as he was asking Cabbie questions about how he knows he's gay. Cabbie insisted that he saw KC outside of a hotel hugging a guy way too long. KC said that he never hugs a guy that long unless they're family and he doesn't have family in the area. Cabbie says that the guy who told him about the gay stuff is someone he can't break confidence with. Howard seemed to know who he was talking about but he wouldn't say who it was. Howard wanted to move on to Mike Walker but he wasn't ready yet. Howard took a break instead.
Howard asked Mike if he has any dirt on George W. Bush. Mike said he really doesn't have all that much but he did say that he believes that the whole Clear Channel thing is a plot that Bush is behind but he also believes that it's given Howard power because he's the greatest radio guy out there. They spent a short time on that and then moved on to the game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories: