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Howard returned from his week long vacation this morning. He said he was down in West Palm Beach, Florida during his vacation. He said he has a lot of fans down there that can't get the show anymore. The people down there used to hear him from the Miami station. He said he liked West Palm Beach but you have to have a lot of money to live down there. Howard and Robin were talking about the houses down there and what it would cost to buy something on the water. Howard said there are some people who have underground tunnels to get to the beaches down there. Howard makes a good living but he would probably buy a house 2 blocks from the beach and walk there instead.
Howard stayed at the Four Season's hotel while he was there because he figured it would be good for the kids. There were a lot of kids in the pool and one woman pulled her infant out of the pool with a brown diaper after he'd just been in it. There were also a lot of MILFs at the pool so he told Beth she should be worried.
Howard went out to eat at a bunch of nice restaurants while he was down in West Palm Beach. Robin told him it's just like going out to eat in New York City. Howard couldn't stay away from the news while he was down there because the door man at the hotel would fill him in on everything. Robin went to London so she could avoid hearing about all of the stuff that's been going on lately. Artie said a lot of people think you should be happy just to be in the paper even if it's all negative.
Howard went to see Donald Trump's Mauralago club down in West Palm Beach while he was down there. He just used his name to get in on that. He met his friend Ross down there since they were in town to visit his parents. For some reason they made Ross and his girl Melissa go in through the back because they were dressed down too much for the club. They have a dress code there and that's why Ross had to go around to the back.
Howard said the place is really nice but it's in the middle of other houses down there so he can see why people would be upset about having that place in their neighborhood. Howard talked about how gaudy the place was and how Donald Trump must have had a hand in decorating the place. There were women playing croquet in the front lawn as he drove into the place. He told Robin and Artie that he could stay there all the time if he could.
Howard asked for some water while he was staying there at Trump's place and got a bottle of water that had Trump's picture on it. That led to the guys talking about the way Trump has been putting up signs on his buildings antagonizing his competitors. Artie also talked about how Trump talks about all of his stuff being the best in the world. The guys spent a few minutes talking about Trump and his stuff. Robin said he's got a book out now that teaches people how to get rich but he was born into money. Howard said Trump took that money and made himself richer.
Howard brought his daughter's friends down to West Palm Beach when he went. Howard said his kids like to hang with their friends when they go away. His parents would have never done something like that for him though. He was like Super Dad for his kids that week. He also has to worry less about his kids getting bored if they have their friends with them. Artie was wondering if he worries about something happening to the kids while they're away with him since people are so litigious these days. Howard didn't worry about stuff like though.
Gary told Howard that they reran a bit where Beetlejuice was making out with women and they had to censor that show. Gary said Tom was listening to the stuff the night before and then they'd still sit on the delay button while the tapes were running live. Tom isn't enjoying it though because it's just more work for him. Howard doesn't like it either and he sees that the FCC is going to force them off the air. They're going back to old shows and they'll probably be fined until they're forced off the air.
Gary said that Clear Channel took The Regular Guys off the air down in Atlanta because they accidentally left a microphone open during a recording session with a porn star. Howard also brought up these guys that Clear Channel has on the air out in San Diego called Chainsaw and Kelly. Their show is dirtier than his has ever been and he wants to get them fired. He's going to put up some transcripts on his web site (HowardStern.com) so people can file complaints.
Howard has also posted a letter on his web site that Clear Channel sent to the FCC a year ago defending what he does on his show. Now they're taking him off the air and calling him indecent. He spent a couple more minutes on that before he took a commercial break.
Howard talked about Condoleeza Rice's testimony during his vacation and how she was doing a song and dance around all of that stuff. Howard brought up some of the stuff that Bush and his people knew about but did nothing about it. Bush says that there was no obvious threat to the United States but there was plenty of stuff that they knew about and did nothing about.
Howard also brought up how John Ashcroft is now talking about going after ''pornography'' which includes HBO. He wants to get that off the air for some reason. Robin said that maybe people will now start to see what's going on with this administration when they start going after porn and HBO.
Wendy the Retard called in with a phony phone call she made. She played the call for Howard and it was just horrible. She asked a restaurant if they make breakfast and some other dopey things. She also tells them who she is and where she's from. Howard could only take a minute of that before he had to hang up on her. He had to take another commercial break after that.
Howard stayed up and watched ''The Sopranos'' last night so he was a little tired. Artie talked about Carmella's ass on the show last night and how awful that looked. Howard said he didn't find it all that bad even if it was a little bit manly. Artie said her legs looked a little bow legged as well. Gary didn't see that and he bought the premise that she's a 40-something year old woman who had two kids (on the show, not in real life). Howard thought the show was really good though and enjoyed it. He and the guys talked about some of the stuff that went on in that episode. Howard thinks that the writing is great on the show and wonders who is actually writing it. They have some great non-mob stories in the show according to the guys.
Howard watched a movie yesterday called ''Missing'' and it was pretty bad. He said he read the description of the movie and it sounded really cool because there was a shape shifter in the movie. He watched the movie and there was no shape shifter in it like he thought there was. He said it was the worst piece of crap movie he saw. It lasted like 4 hours and it was really bad. It was directed by Ron Howard and Howard couldn't believe that the guy who directed Splash and Apollo 13 made that piece of crap. Robin said he's trying to challenge himself and it just isn't working. He should go back to doing what he does best, making comedies.
Howard got back from West Palm Beach on Friday after having a good time down there. Saturday he went up to Gary's house in Connecticut with some of the guys from the show. He said he hadn't seen Gary's house before and hadn't seen the kids in a long time. While he was talking about that Fred was playing some new Baba Booey jingles. Howard went on to talk about how nice Gary's house is and how it seems like he's making too much money.
Howard said he was pissed off that Gary has his computer in a room where his wife has her computer. Howard said he saw a room where Gary could have put his own computer so he can keep it private from everyone else. Gary said he doesn't have anywhere to put it though. Howard told him that he can't even look at porn unless everyone is out of the house. Gary said he has one guy who sends him like 4 pieces of porn every day so he should have some privacy. He claims that his wife doesn't care if he's looking at porn or not though. Howard said Gary's wife has her computer nice and centered in the desk while Gary's was off to the side.
Howard talked about how Fred really doesn't talk much about his life. He said he just learned that Fred's dog died but Fred never told him about that. He also learned that Fred had his house leveled and rebuilt. Artie knew about that but that's because he and Fred talk back in their area in the studio sometimes.
Howard complained about Gary's party and how they went out to dinner and had to wait to order their food. Howard said they had to wait too long to order. He told Gary he should have planned ahead because the restaurant was very slow. Gary didn't know that it was going to take so long and he told Howard that it's just the way it goes. He also said it's tough to move a meal along when you have ten people at the table. Gary also took care of the whole bill.
Howard told Gary he might want to try going into the City for a meal sometimes. He said the meal was fine at this place but suggested that he go into the City sometime. Robin and Howard goofed on Gary a little bit about the restaurant they went to but they did have a good time. When Howard was on his way out the waiter walked him over to Barry Levinson's table. He was there with Michael Bolton and some other people. Howard didn't want to be dragged over there though. He said he thought that they should be coming to his table instead. He went over anyway and said hello to everyone. He didn't know why he was there though and didn't have much to talk about with them. He said he doesn't want to go over there and just say ''Hey! We're all famous!'' Artie said that is kind of weird when a guy brings you over to meet someone just because you're both famous.
Artie and Gary spoke to Barry Levinson before dinner and he was telling them how despicable it is what they're doing to Howard. Howard said if that's the case, he should be making a movie about it or coming out against it. None of these guys will do anything like that though.
A listener called in and asked if Gary was eating shrimp at dinner that night. Howard said he didn't see him eating any but Gary said he did have some. Howard said it is funny to watch Gary eating shrimp. Another caller told Howard how miserable he is after someone brought him out to dinner. Howard told the guy that they showed up at Gary's place at 7 that night and they didn't eat until like 10:30 that night. Howard left at about 11:15 and they still hadn't had desert.
Gary said he and his wife talked about their night at dinner and tried to figure out what Howard could find wrong with it. They couldn't come up with any of the stuff that Howard was complaining about today. He said they went over the night like it was a Rubik's Cube and didn't come up with any of that stuff.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up the FCC thing and how wrong it is. That led to Howard saying that they have a lot of new stuff on HowardStern.com this morning about that and other stuff. He said there's more info about the Miss Butterface contest they're going to be holding out in Las Vegas next month. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard said that there is this lawyer down in Miami who listens to the show and files complaints about the show every day. Howard said Benjy pointed out that the only guy complaining about the shows that he was fined for, was this guy in Miami. The FCC is fining them for all of the stations he was heard on though. It doesn't make any sense because it's supposed to be ''community standards'' and they're going by one guy's opinion.
Howard brought in porn star Corina Taylor. He told her how hot she is and checked her out for a couple of minutes. He talked about her growing up in Arkansas and how her mom and step-dad actually watch her porn movies. Howard found that to be kind of odd. Howard wondered if the step-dad has a thing for her. Corina said that her mother is sick right now and she seems to be happy for her no matter what she does.
Howard said that he was watching some porn over the weekend and there were some real skanks in the movies he saw. There were a few delay hits during this segment so we missed out on some of the conversation. Howard asked her about the date thing she's doing for the guys who have been on the show to lose weight. She said that she's doing that just for Howard.
Howard brought in Tomas and Rob who are on the Bally Total Fitness weight loss challenge. They've lost a ton of weight in just 9 weeks. Tomas had lost 72 pounds since the initial weigh in when they last spoke to them. Howard spent a minute talking to Tomas about how he could win a ''date'' with Corina. He had Corina stand up and show the guys what they could win. He then had Tomas weigh in. He started out at 423 pounds 9 weeks ago and today he was down to 329. He's looking to get down to 250 pounds.
Rob was the second guy in the contest and he's lost a lot of weight as well. Howard said the guy is starting to look like his trainer. Howard had him weigh in and he was down to 253 pounds. He lost 83 pounds but Tomas has lost 94 so Rob didn't win. Howard told him that was nothing to be ashamed of though because he lost so much. Howard told both of them to keep going to Bally's because they're looking so much better. Rob thanked his trainer Kristin for what she has done to help him out.
Corina got in a plug for the web site CanYouBeAPornStar.com where she appears. Tomas also got in a plug for UncleJoesBar.com. He said he'd be there celebrating there later today by having a few beers. Howard told him that he shouldn't be drinking beer. He said it's been a long time since he's had a beer but he'll be drinking light beer.
A woman from Bally's was there to present the winner with his grand prize money... $10,000. Tomas accepted the money and Artie joked that the giant check was made of white chocolate if he wanted to eat it. A listener then called in and asked Corina to take off some clothes to show Rob was he was missing out on. She showed the guys her ass but didn't want to show her boobs because they're too small.
Artie said he thinks they're going to walk past a hot dog vendor later today and see the vendor holding the giant $10,000 check after Rob buys some hot dogs from him. Howard gave Rob a $500 prize for losing the weight that he did lose. Gary told Howard that they should take Rob to Vegas and maybe get him laid out there.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Corina about her movie career and how her mom and step-dad have watched her movies. She told Howard about her first movie ''Barely Legal 39'' and how proud her mother was after she saw it. She told him about one movie where she was dressed like a school girl, Kelly the co-ed (16), and how she's always playing a young girl in them. Howard asked her about doing other girls and if she likes that. She has done them on film but she doesn't really like doing outside of movies. She did have some fun with some girls when she was growing up.
Howard and the guys talked to Corina about her real father and what happened to him. She said that he's with a new family that's really religious and don't approve of what she does. She told Howard about some of the movies she's done where she plays young girls. She also told Howard about the home where she lives and how she stays there with a few other hot chicks. She said that her agent hooked her up with that place. She said she also has boyfriends that she can stay with when she's not staying at that place.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told Howard how his show was being destroyed by the delay button. That led to the guys talking about how ridiculous it is that they have to hit the delay on the stuff that they're talking about. Howard and the guys were comparing what's happening in this country to what happened in Nazi Germany. Howard also said that there's very little difference between Bush's administration and the Taliban. They're all religious freaks and they're trying to run the country based on religion.
Howard got off that subject and talked to Corina a little longer before he had to take a commercial break. He played the phony Onion Radio News bit about Artie Lange being sentenced to death by the FCC as he went to break.
Howard is going to start posting transcripts from other radio shows so that the FCC will start fining other shows and get them fired as well. He said that his show will be off the air one way or another. He said it's possible that the show will just get so watered down that it won't be worth listening anymore. There's still a chance that he could go to satellite radio but he's not sure he's going to do that if he gets kicked off the regular airwaves. He thinks that a lot of people would follow him there but he's not sure that he wants to keep doing radio. His current radio contract is up in 2 years anyway.
Howard talked about Bush and how he was building a nature walk on his ranch as terrorists were planning their attacks on the World Trade Center. He said that he has lied about the weapons of mass destruction. Howard said he's not sorry we're in Iraq but he wishes that there was a more competent administration in there taking care of things. Howard said that Bush's administration seems more worried about porn than about guns in people's hands. He said John Ashcroft now wants to go after channels like HBO to clean them up. That's why Howard is ready to get off the air because of stuff like that.
Howard played a clip of an interview that was done with Jerry Falwell who was talking about how parents shouldn't be responsible for knowing what their kids are watching on TV. The airwaves should be clean enough for all kids to watch even when a parent isn't around to see what it is. Howard said he gets all worked up after seeing stuff like that on TV. Robin was over in London last week and she was thinking about staying there because they have more freedom of speech over there. Howard can't believe that there is anyone who would still vote for Bush again after seeing his performance over the past few years.
Howard said he has to talk about the upcoming Las Vegas trip but he's not even sure they'll be on the air then. He took a couple of phone calls after that. One guy called in and told Howard he saw Gary filling up his gas tank somewhere and couldn't believe how hot his wife was. Howard didn't believe the guy's story but Gary came in and said that the guy was gawking at him and making him feel weird but he was telling the truth.
Howard spent a little more time talking about Gary's dinner on Saturday night. Howard ended up telling Gary that he talks too much and how he always ends up with his foot in his mouth. They also talked about how Mr. X, Robin's boyfriend, didn't know what ''Bling Bling'' meant when it was mentioned at dinner. Robin was surprised that he didn't know what it meant because he does have some black friends.
Howard read a story about Jessica Simpson last week where they said that they think she might be illiterate. She acts in a way that illiterate people act. When her husband asks her to read something she will tell him to read it to her instead and stuff like that. Howard said just based on that alone he'd love to bang her. Artie said he and a friend of his were talking about how hot she is and how she is now the new number one chick out there. Robin doesn't think they're thinking this through good enough because she's really not all that hot.
A listener called in and told Howard about this week's Saturday Night Live with Janet Jackson as the host. Howard didn't see the show but he did hear about what went on. The caller told Howard they let her get away with her showing breast (blurred) twice. Robin pointed out how she has gone on the air and apologized for what happened but now she's joking about it.
Howard said that a lot of people are writing to their congressmen about what's going on with the indecency stuff. They all get a form letter back from them saying that they will continue to try and get indecent programming off the air. They don't even pretend to be reading the letters from people who are against the indecency bill. They're supposed to be working for the people but they're not even pretending to be doing that now. They just ignore the letters they get.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Howard can't go down like he is. Howard told him that's the way he is going down and he has no control over it. He asked the guy, Juan, to do something for him the next time he's out spraying graffiti on a wall, and do something in support of his show.
KC and Gary told Howard that Dan has been doing a lot of stuff already and has come up with some great ideas. Howard then played Dan's song parody which was a parody of ''Oh Mickey'' about KC being gay. Howard sounded like he was impressed with his work. Dan told Howard that he had the idea a few weeks ago but he didn't do anything with it until this morning. Artie told Howard that Dan is the guy who sent in the great Metallica song after 9/11. Howard played some of that where he took a Metallica song and put Howard's description of the 9/11 attacks as he was finding out about it.
Dan told Howard that he's going to do his best this week and it's an honor to be there that week. Howard told him that just his luck they'll have the 10 contestants do their thing and then they'll be kicked off the air. Dan doesn't think that will happen. He told Howard that the FCC was supposed to be there to issue licenses for radio stations, not telling people what they can and can't listen to.
Howard let Dan go after that and talked about some of the other people that should be entering this ''Get John's Job'' thing. Some people have written in telling him that Double A is great on the show and should be allowed to compete.
Howard read some other e-mail that he's gotten lately. ONe person wrote in asking about what song it is that comes on at the end of the show every day. Howard said it's ''Tortured Man'' from his ''Private Parts'' soundtrack album. Another person asked what music it is that Fred plays when a guest is talking fast like Courtney Love. Fred played that and said it's official name is The Sabre Dance. Howard said they used to play it on the Ed Sullivan Show when people would spin plates and stuff like that. That led to Howard talking about how weird it is to have a job spinning plates. He did an impression of Ed Sullivan and made up some goofy stuff that Sullivan could have had on his show. There was some weird stuff that he had on his show that Howard talked about as well.
Howard said he had such an empty life back then that he used to wait to watch Ed Sullivan. Robin said a lot of people did that. Howard told Robin that his parents may be getting to the point where they're getting senile. He called his mother while he was down in Florida and she didn't recognize his voice. Howard was on a cell phone so she didn't recognize his voice even after he explained why his voice sounded different. He said he spoke to her a few days later and she explained that she was thrown for a loop because his sister Ellen was there at the house and ''everything was happening at once'' so she didn't want to talk to him. His mother apparently only likes to do one thing a day like go shopping . She apparently tells him that he does too much every day and that's why he's sick all the time. He spent a few more minutes on that and then took another commercial break.
Howard also talked about how some guys will get on their cell phone and start talking really loud. He's not sure if they're doing it for him to show how important they are or what. They may be doing it to show off to the MILF's that are sitting next to the pool as well. Howard talked about how people just sit out in the sun all the time down there. He was sitting under a tent the whole time even after lathering up with sun screen. He wasn't actually under a full tent, he just had a large tent roof over him.
Howard talked about how great it was down in Florida going out to dinner every night with his girlfriend. He said it wasn't cheap but it was a lot of fun.
Before he went away he went to see the band Train. He suggested not bringing your girlfriend to see them because they get all crazy over the band when they perform. Howard said the band will be coming out to Vegas to play backup for their Karaoke contest. Howard said they did a great Led Zeppelin medley during the show that he really enjoyed. He said that guy can really sing. That led to Robin talking about how she and Beth were talking about the lead singer from Train and the guy who plays Clark Kent on ''Smallville.'' Howard and Artie were also talking about how their girlfriends somehow find them attractive but they also find guys like the lead singer from Train to be attractive. Artie said that if Dana finds him attractive then she should have a poster of Mel from the TV show ''Alice'' on her wall or something like that. Howard told Artie that if Dana is really into him she should also be into someone like Benjy. Howard had some fun with that for a few minutes. He was throwing in names of other fat celebrities that Dana should be into.
Gary came in and said that they have a girl there who thinks that Artie is really hot. He brought her in a minute later and it was one of their hot interns. Howard said that she's the ''Michelle Pfeiffer'' intern. She's 22 years old and Howard said ''Dana who?'' after finding this out. She said she was really embarrassed that they were talking about this. She said she thinks a date with ARtie would be a great date. Howard asked her to give a few other examples of guys she's attracted to. She said she likes Adam Sandler, Pete Sampras and Colin Farrell. Howard said that just doesn't make any sense. She should be attracted to someone like James Gandolfini. She said she is a fan of Jason Alexander so it started to make some sense to Howard.
The intern said that she actually gets butterflies when Artie comes out and talks to her. She was invited to Starbucks one day and was thrilled that he invited her. KC came in and said that a couple of other hot interns were saying the same thing. Artie told them all that they were in luck because he thinks Dana is leaving him for Walter Hudson. Howard said he will never diet again after seeing this. One of the interns said that she thinks Artie is physically hot. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard started off talking about how there was a report about how subdued he was when he came back from vacation yesterday. He said he's just tired of talking about all of the stuff going on with the FCC and Clear Channel. He said he is really angry with Clear Channel now that he's thought about it a bit more. He said Donald Trump sent him a copy of an article where his boss Mel Karmazin talked about how he would like to keep Howard around. Mel also talks about how Clear Channel dropped Howard for no reason shortly after the Janet Jackson thing happened. Mel is going to stand behind Howard in all of this but Clear Channel dropped him when things started to look bad.
Howard talked about how Clear Channel sent him a letter after they suspended him saying that they were't going to pay him. Then he decided to sue him. Then he started to get checks from all of the radio stations saying that they're paying him. Now he's gotten another letter saying that they're not going to pay him because he breached their contract by not telling them how he's going to comply with their rules. Howard said that now other stations that carry him are asking him the same thing.
Howard said he's heard about a lot of bands that won't do concerts with Clear Channel anymore but they're already bands that are well known. The smaller bands can't avoid doing shows at their venues and if they do, they'll be shut out of all of their venues and radio stations. They're a monopoly according to Howard. He also said that they're in bed with the Bush administration.
Howard said he knows he will be forced off of radio but he will come back and crush the industry that he works in. He went on to talk about how George W. Bush has just announced a 31 day vacation schedule where he'll be working from his house. Howard said you know what he'll be doing while he's working out of his house. He'll be watching TV and dicking around. He went on to say that President Clinton did great things for our economy while he was in office. He brought the country together according to Howard and we need someone to do that again. Bush isn't the person to do that because he's too busy taking vacations.
Howard brought up how scary John Ashcroft is talking about putting a stop to pornography. He said that this country is buying porn to the tune of 8 billion dollars a year. He said the guy is a sick man because he's the same guy who says that he doesn't dance and covered up a statue of a woman that showed bare breasts. Ashcroft is going after HBO as well because he believes they're pornographers. Howard wants Bush out of office because of this stuff. He said he hopes that John Kerry has some debating skills and can defeat Bush in all of this. He said Bush has a slacker attitude and he's got to go.
Howard knows his days are numbered and it's got a lot to do with Bush's administration. He wants them to be voted out of office. He went on to talk about Clear Channel and the people that run the company and how they strong arm musicians and promoters in the industry. He asked people to boycott any Clear Channel concerts out there and crush them. He said his ''Best of'' shows were mutilated (by the delay button) because of all of this. He believes that every time they hit the button on the show, they're saying that there's something wrong with his show. He believes that the company should stop censoring the show and just let it roll like it used to.
Howard said the problem with the Arab countries these days is that they have nothing to look forward to every day. He suggested that we win over the young Arab people by allowing them to have porno, lap dances and other freedoms like that. Howard said he looks forward to getting lap dances and stuff like that because it makes life fun. He said if they had those freedoms over there, they'd forget about blowing themselves up.
Howard plans on going to the new West Side Scores this weekend. He said he'd like to ask Lonnie from Scores to build a bunch of Scores clubs over in the Arab countries. He went on to say that it's the Bush's, Ashcroft's and Powell's that are trying to take away the freedoms that we enjoy in this country. He believes that if this indecency bill is passed it will get him off the air and make him bigger than he's ever been. He is ready to do anything he can to get Bush out of office because he's taking this country down a path that is absolutely barbaric.
Robin brought up how Shaquille O'Neil dropped an ''F-Bomb'' on ESPN the other day but he'll never be fined. Howard told her that it's cable though and they can't fine him.
Howard got a note from director Barry Levinson who he spoke to at a restaurant the other night. Barry backs Howard in all of this stuff but Howard said he has to do more than just tell him that. He has to come out and make a movie about what's going on or something like that. Howard pointed out how President Bush is preempting ''American Idol'' this week to make a speech and he thinks that while he's making that speech, Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson should critique him. He made up some of the stuff that they could say to him after his speech. He said he'd love to see America vote right after he makes his speech so people could vote him out right there on the spot.
Bush is the CEO of this country and he's taking 30 day vacations so he can do yard work on his ranch. Howard said that maybe it's no such a bad thing that he's not in office though. Howard talked about the meetings he has at the office and how he has to do them there because if he goes home to work, he ends up watching TV or sleeping. Bush is probably the same as anyone else and he probably dicks around while he's there. Howard admits that he goes home and makes personal phone calls and watches TV instead of working when he should. He took a break shortly after that.
Howard and the guys had a meeting about the Las Vegas thing recently and they changed the recording time for the show out there. They used to do it from 4-8PM but he wants to do it from 10am to 2pm instead but Tom put a stop to that. He said it's going to be tough to do a 4 hour show no matter what time of day they do it out there. He was hoping to do it early so they could go sit by the pool after the show. Artie said that mid-May will be the perfect time to sit by the pool too. He told Howard about the hot chicks that were out there when he did a show out there on Super Bowl weekend. They have a ''hot chick island'' in the pool at the Hard Rock and it should be filled with hot chicks in May.
Howard said they had a pool party when they were out there in February one year. They had to put heating lamps out to keep the hot chicks warm because it was kind of cold out. This time it will be nice and warm out and they won't have to do that. Gary came in a minute later and asked Howard if he wanted to change the taping time for the show back to 4-8 since they had it set up as 2-6 instead. Howard said he can't wait that long to do the show and he wants to be ready to gamble early after doing the show.
Howard said they should serve dinner at 4:30 during the show so they can eat while they do the show. Then they can start drinking around the same time and then go gamble after the show. He even suggested having a nice round table so they could just enjoy a dinner while they do the show. He's trying to set everything up so he doesn't waste any time out there. If they get kicked off the air before then, they won't have to worry about any of that stuff. Howard wanted to make a pact with everyone to just go out there even if they are off the air by then. Howard suggested that they videotape everything for the E! show even if they're off the radio by then.
Howard said his buddy Lloyd Braun over at ABC got fired. He said he has to give him a call and talk to him about that. Howard said Lloyd was the head of programming over there and he used to be his lawyer before that. He said that job is tough because people get fired all the time in that business. Howard said it's a crap job and you have to expect to be fired.
Howard wants to tape his Las Vegas shows from noon to 4 but he's not sure that will happen either. Robin said that might be too much of the evening for him to deal with. Howard said he's going to be getting up at 5 in the morning out there since he's so used to doing that out on the East Coast. He'd be getting up at 2 in the morning out there if he sticks to that schedule.
Howard brought up the Miss Butterface contest and who they're looking for in that contest. He said women with great bodies and bad faces. The guys were talking about some examples of women who have bad faces and great bodies like Sarah Jessica Parker and Drea de Matteo. The contest has a $25,000 grand prize. Howard explained how they have the women come out with a bag on their face first to show off their bodies. Then they take the bag off and get judged on how bad their face is. He said he knows how tough it is for women to admit that they have bad faces. Gary said they have only one entry so far. The women have to enter the contest themselves, guys can't enter women who don't know about what the contest is like some people have been doing.
Robin mentioned that ''The Swan'' was on FOX last night. Howard missed it but he had seen one of the shows and knew what it was about. He described the show and said that the women don't come out looking all that much better but they look in the mirror and think that they look beautiful. Howard said that some of these women would look better if they just lost a few pounds. They end up doing all kinds of surgery on the women and give them big fake veneers on their teeth. Howard said they look like big, fake Chicklets. The guys also talked about how they suck the fat out of the women from head to toe.
Artie said that he and Gary came up with a great idea for a reality show. He wants to get 5 obese guys and give them the stomach surgery where they put a band in there. Then they let the guys try to eat through the band. He would call the show ''Eat the Band.'' Howard said he heard that John Popper had that surgery and he may have eaten through his staples. Gary said he heard that John has gained a few pounds since the surgery so they're trying to get him on the show.
Robin knows an actor who had the surgery 3 times and has eaten through the band a couple of times. Robin said she can't say the name of the guy because he told her about it and asked her not to say anything. Howard had to cut off that conversation so he could take another break. He said you can find out more about the Butterface contest at HowardStern.com.
After the break Howard was wondering if he should take his rant from early this morning and put a transcript up on his web site. He would like to put audio up there as well but he's not sure about that. He said he's going to be putting a lot of interesting stuff up on the site soon and he thinks people will like it. He's just gearing up, planning for when he gets kicked off the air.
Howard doesn't want to keep doing the show with people hitting the button on him all the time. He figures they have already been censored this morning but he can't imagine what for. Fred said something about ''balls'' this morning and he was probably censored even though it was the funniest moment of the show. He talked about how every time the show is censored, they're sending a message to the FCC that they're doing something wrong and he doesn't think they are doing anything wrong.
Howard changed subjects and mentioned the Bally Total Fitness contest they gave out the grand prize for yesterday. Tomas won $10,000 and a ''date'' with Corina Taylor. They did have some intimate moments after the date. Howard got Corina on the line and asked her about the date. Howard also had Tomas on the line so he could talk to him about the date. Howard said Tomas was eating a big burger with cheese on it. Tomas said it was a grilled chicken sandwich... with cheese on it. Howard saw tape of it and the sandwich was a mess to eat. He had cheese on his face and was making a mess while eating it. He said he seemed to be torn between the hot chick and the sandwich and the sandwich won.
Corina said that he deserved to eat that sandwich after dieting for so long. Tomas said that he didn't eat all that much after that. He had a few beers after that with some friends. Howard asked Tomas if he was able to go all the way with Corina. Tomas said that they did enjoy each other and they did have some ''relations'' together. Howard doesn't think that they had intercourse because the bed wasn't messed up and he wasn't sweating or anything. Tomas told Howard that they did have fun and enjoyed each other. Corina would only say that they both had a good time. Artie figured Tomas probably just ate again.
Artie asked Corina if she thought about covering herself in cheese. She laughed and said she didn't think about that. They eventually admitted to doing something on each other but the delay was hit on that. It sounded like it must have been oral. Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said that he knew that nothing was happening with them. It sounds like Tomas may have given her oral or something. Doug said that if something had happened, the bed would have been messed up.
Tomas said that it was a very long 9 weeks for him and he was very tired. He kept saying that he had a good time but that was about it. He did something with her for over 15 minutes but they weren't really saying exactly what that was. Doug seemed to have an idea of what he had done but he couldn't really say it on the air. Doug was using the term ''buffet'' and Tomas said that he ''went to the all you can eat buffet'' and enjoyed himself.
Doug wondered where it all went wrong and when they decided not to do anything. Tomas said there were things that he wanted to do with her and he got to do them. It's all good according to Tomas. Howard wondered who decided not to talk about this stuff. They both said that they didn't make a deal not to talk about this stuff. Tomas may have been a little uncomfortable having people in the room with him while he was with Corina.
Howard took a call from Zolar who told Tomas to change his name to Nomas and stop eating. He seems to think that he's going to get fat all over again after this contest.
Howard asked Corina to put her mother on the phone because they found out some interesting stuff about her yesterday. Corina said that her mother watches her porn videos. Howard asked her about that and her mother doesn't find anything that odd about watching the porn movies. Howard figures that the step-father gets excited watching the movies but mom says that doesn't happen. That's his daughter as far as she's concerned. Howard had Corina's mother put the step-father on the line as well. He told Howard that she's a good looking woman at the age of 49. Steve told Howard that he does not get excited when he watches the porn movies. He said he'd even be willing to take a lie detector test to prove that he doesn't get excited. Steve said that he changed Corina's diapers when she was a young child so what she does these days does not turn him on. He said he doesn't even get turned on when he watches the scenes which don't feature Corina.
Howard asked Steve if they rush to the bedroom to watch Corina's latest movies when she sends them over. He said they lay in bed in their pajamas and watch the movies. They don't really talk about it that much, they just watch their daughter. They don't invite their neighbors over to watch either. Steve said he's known Corina since she was 18 months old so it's just like it's his daughter. Robin seemed to believe that he was telling the truth and seemed to believe what he was saying.
Artie asked Steve if he's ever fantasized about getting both Corina and her mother. Steve said he's never thought about that. He said he even sees Corina walking around the house naked these days. He still doesn't get excited when he sees that stuff. Howard had Corina get back on the line so he could talk to her. He spent a minute with her and then had Steve get back on the line. Howard told him that he thinks Corina is digging her and that's why she walks around the house naked.
Corina got back on the line and said that she does stuff around the house when she's naked and it's not all that odd. Artie wondered if her step-dad ever drops stuff on the floor so she will pick it up in front of him. Corina said she has seen her parents naked in front of her before. Howard wondered if she has ever sat on his lap while he's naked. Howard wants to have them all down there so they can do the lie detector test done on her father.
Howard still had Tomas on the line so he was going to wrap things up with him. That led to Artie goofing on Tomas a little bit about how he actually gave oral to a chicken parm sandwich and not Corina. Howard wrapped things up shortly after that. Corina got in a few plugs for the web site CanYouBeAPornStar.com and said she got in trouble for not promoting it enough yesterday.
Howard asked Corina to mess around with herself in front of her step father. He had Steve get back on the phone while she did that. She took off her panties and lifted up her blouse. She took the blouse off and only had a hat on. Howard had Steve asking her if she's been a bad girl and if she deserves a spanking. He spent a couple more minutes with them before getting off the phone. Howard said he's going to have them all come up to the studio next week so he can meet them.
Howard said Scott DePace from E! was in the bathroom during the break and Benjy was sitting next to him making all kinds of noises. Howard wondered why these guys can't just use the bathroom's at their homes. Scott said he was hearing a bunch of funny noises and then the smell hit him. Howard didn't want to get into that much more but Artie was saying that in the 2 years he's been there, he's never done a number 2 there at the station. He told the guys to just save it for home.
Howard talked about this ''Get John's Job'' thing they have going on. He said it's not a contest though, it's a try-out for John's job. Dan the Song Parody Man is the first ''applicant'' for the job and he's trying out all this week. Howard played Dan's song parody about KC yesterday and Tom told them they can't ever play it again because it was too dirty. Howard said he has to get out of there because of that. Tom came in a short time later and told Howard that he does not agree with the FCC, he just has to try and think like the FCC is thinking and censor the show until they can figure out what to do. Howard said he thought the song was about KC being gay and it was kind of cute. He didn't think it was dirty at all. He asked Tom when he's going to fire him. Tom said he doesn't think they will ever fire him. Robin said she has plans for a long summer vacation so they better fire them.
Howard thinks that if they pass the indecency bill, he'll just stick around and play records through the remainder of his contract if he has to. He's not going to sit there waiting to get personal fines from the FCC. Robin told Howard to do a religious show instead. Howard pretended to do one of the typical song talk ups that he might do in the future. He talked up Metallica's ''King Nothing'' and then got back to Dan the Song Parody Man.
Dan has written a bit for Howard to do. He wrote the whole script which was a Sternac bit that they haven't done in a long time. Robin and the other guys had scripts to read as well. Robin played her part and Howard cracked a couple of jokes. Sternac would then read some of the answers to questions and then the questions. A few of them were bombing so Howard asked Dan to give them his best joke. Dan told him to shoot right to number 10. Howard read that one and it was just a little too long for the guys. Howard wrapped up the bit with Dan and moved on to other stuff.
Howard talked about how he'd love to see the judges from American Idol judging President Bush when he makes his speech. He then talked about the Nick and Jessica Variety Show special that was on the other night. He said it was embarrassing and they're not even close to being as good as Sonny and Cher were. He played a couple of clips from the special and goofed on them a little bit. Artie said as he was hearing the audio from the show he wanted to punch someone.
Howard played a few more clips from the show and pointed out how lame the bits were and how the guests were left over from the Sonny and Cher days. Nick Lachey did a really lame bit where he was doing a bit with K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. It was awful. Howard bailed out on that when John Favreau came in.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to John about the movie ''Elf'' and how much he enjoyed it. John said that now people think that he's a director now that ''Elf'' has done so well. John told Howard that he shot the movie up in Canada but now he gets to work in L.A. more.
Howard asked John about how much he made with Elf. He said that he will see less than 2 million even though the movie made $175 million. He will make more money on his next gig because that film did so well though. John has other movies in the works and he should do well on those. John now demands that he work in Los Angeles because he has a wife and kids to be with. He doesn't want to travel to Canada to shoot movies.
John and Howard talked about the money that John made on ''Elf'' a little more. John said he is at the stage in his career that he's getting paid great money for movies that are doing great. He's not at the point where he's going to make a great payday for a sucky movie. That comes later. Howard figured that John would do a sequel to ''Elf'' but John said it's not up to him. Howard told him to start writing it now because once Will Ferrel has a few clunkers, he'll come to him asking to do another one.
Howard and John talked about how lame the entertainment business is getting these days. Howard told John about what Clear Channel is doing to him. John seems to think that the whole country is scared and that's why they're going to see ''The Passion of the Christ'' and trying to clean up the air waves. Howard told John his theory about how he thinks they could make things better in the Arab countries if they allowed them to have porn and stuff like that.
John and Howard spent a little time talking about some other political stuff as well. John seems to be behind Bush right now so Howard told him about the stem cell research thing and about how Bush has put a stop to a law that would help stop companies from polluting the country. John said he agrees with Howard on the John Ashcroft stuff he was talking about earlier. John said he is reserving judgement until election time. He wants to wait to see what happens because both sides scare him at this point.
Howard and John went at it for a couple of minutes but John wasn't prepared for the conversation they were having. Howard moved on to other stuff after that. Howard asked John about working with Famke Janssen and if he ever banged her. John claims he never did that and they're just friends.
John told Howard that if anything comes from this indecency thing, it'll be him getting on satellite radio and revolutionizing the satellite radio industry. John figures that Howard was ''the establishment'' for a while there when he was on radio, TV and had a movie out there. Howard told John that he has been attacked the whole time though and it's time for him to fight back. He started ranting against John Ashcroft for a minute. John was thinking that the indecency thing is something that people of this country want. Then Tom Chiusano came in and said that there have been polls saying that between 65 percent and 80 percent of the population out there don't care about this indecency issue. Howard believes that it's a witch hunt by the government though.
Howard changed subjects and gave John a plug for his show ''Dinner for Five'' which airs on IFC. He spent a couple of minutes talking to John about that and how the first season is available now. You can find out more about that at DinnerForFive.com.
Howard and John were talking about High School things when Gary told Howard that John used to be into Dungeons and Dragons. Howard wanted to know more about that because he never played anything like that. Artie laughed as he heard John describing the game. Artie was busy playing baseball when he was in high school so he found it amusing that John was throwing dice to come up with stuff for the characters. Howard wanted to know the names of some of his characters. Artie said one of them was ''Gaywad.'' John said he really doesn't remember the names they came up with. John told Howard more about the game and Artie wondered if they ever finished a game before getting beat up in the cafeteria. Artie goofed on him a little bit as he was telling them about the game. John was giving them the idea behind the game and Artie was pretending to be at school with them yelling out ''Give me your lunch money Favreau!'' and stuff like that.
Howard told John he was insane after hearing the game. He called John ''Fagreau'' as he was getting ready to wrap up the interview. John then reminded Howard that Letterman did something on his show last night that was nice. Letterman had CBS' Les Moonves on the phone and he asked him about what Howard is going through. Letterman asked him to defend Howard but Moonves said he has nothing to do with radio. He was willing to defend Letterman to the death but he would only say a couple of words about Howard. Howard thanked Letterman for bringing that up on his show because more people have to know about what's going on. He wrapped up the interview with John shortly after that.
Howard said that Clear Channel is claiming that Howard has not shown them how he is going to comply with FCC rules so he is in breach of contract. He said the letters they send are hysterical. On one hand they're sending letters saying they're not going to pay him, then he starts getting checks. He said they're crazy over there. He's been off the air for 34 straight days so his contract says he can go on a competing station now. The problem is that John Hogan from Clear Channel is going around bad mouthing him all over the place like he did something wrong.
Howard said he has all of that going on as well as Tom hitting the button on him. He said he hears Tom's laugh in his dreams. Fred played a great song parody to some circus music with Tom's many laughs thrown into the mix. Howard said that guy is one of the guys trying out for John's job soon. He's been sending them stuff for years. They also played Dan the Song Parody Man's news theme for Robin as she started her news.
Captain Janks called in during the news and played some audio of this guy Jack Thompson bragging about how he has gotten Howard's show fined over the years. Howard listened to a few minutes of it but had to cut him off because he just didn't want to listen to that nonsense. Janks also played his latest prank call where he called CNN and asked the host of the show if she would bang Howard Stern. The host complained that they were just trying to report on some serious things and, once again, Howard Stern's people have spoiled it again.
Howard said he was tired from staying up late last night. He tried to watch some of the President's speech but he got bored with it. He said he didn't know that they were going to ask him questions. Artie talked about how he had bomb sweat on his forehead as he was answering some of those questions. Howard said that the only reason he's sweating is because there are so many questions about who was responsible for the 9/11 failures. He talked about how much the government knew about the terrorists and what they were planning. The people in office don't know what they're doing and they're being exposed.
Howard said he has a friend who works in a government position and she has told him that she's been told not to work too hard because then they'd all have to work harder. He swears that's the truth. Howard believes that whenever they shine a flashlight on these guys in office, they scurry around like cockroaches. The guys all talked about what was discussed in the President's speech last night. Howard doesn't know how anyone can watch those guys on TV and still vote them back into office. He said he knows that Kerry may not be any better but he can't see how he can remain in office.
Howard had a phony question and answer session where they had clips from Bush's speech with some phony questions about Howard and why they're going after him. A listener called in and pointed out how much Bush was talking in circles during that speech last night. Howard thought he saw an ear piece in Bush's ear like they may have been feeding him some lines. Robin thought that might have been the case as well just from the way he was moving his head.
Howard said he believes that they should be fining people like Bush and his administration for their failures in the 9/11 stuff just like he's being fined for his radio show. He brought up how he gets letters from widows of 9/11 victims who say that Bush still doesn't know about anything that's going on. Bush is a slacker according to Howard and he knows that because he's a slacker himself. He pointed out how the guy is always at his ranch on vacation. He was also talking about how close Clear Channel it's ties to George W. Bush.
Howard and a caller talked about John Ashcroft's odd behavior also. Howard pointed out how this guy put out a press statement about how he does not dance and how he covered up a statue in his office that showed a woman's bare breast. Gary came in and told Howard about a story he heard about new cell phones that are out that can't be monitored like older phones. The FBI went to the FCC to try and get them to ban the phones but they're under so much pressure from the phone companies that they refused to do it. They're more worried about indecency on the radio than they are about saving this country's life.
Scott DePace came in and started to argue with Howard about some of the stuff they were talking about. DePace thought the President's speech was very good and he didn't think he and Howard were watching the same speech. Fred got in on the argument as well and went at it with Scott for a few seconds. Howard cut them off and moved on. He went on to talk about how his boss, Mel Karmazin, and how he was treated worse by Congress than John Ashcroft was about the 9/11 stuff. DePace came back in after Howard mentioned him again. Howard and Scott argued a little more about what's going on with the government and the security failures. Howard told Scott to go back to the E! room and sit down in his chair already. He also told him to remember one thing... He's bald. He told Scott that he loves him as long as they're not talking politics. When they're grilling together they have fun. Howard said that he's not going to talk politics after the first half hour of the show. He took a commercial break a short time after that.
Double A said he ended up turning on David Letterman's show because he had Chris Rock on his show. Howard talked about how hot Rebecca is and how you can't screw up an interview with someone like that. Howard asked Double A when his episode of the E! show is going to air. The guys talked about The Rock and how he smashed a balloon on Double A's ass the day he was in. Artie and Fred were goofing on Double A a little bit and did their impressions of him for a minute. Howard reminded everyone that the Double A stands for ''Awesome Angelo'' from his wrestling days.
Howard said there are some people who are coming on the show these days who haven't come on in the past. He said that Alannis Morissette is going to do the show after years of not doing it. She wants to voice her support for his fight with the FCC. Carol Alt also wants to voice her support for Howard's show in this FCC battle. She's been on the show a bunch of times though.
Howard has the women from ''The Apprentice'' coming in later in the show. They're on the cover of FHM magazine and Artie was surprised to see how hot they were. Gary came in and said that Amy from ''The Apprentice'' won't be coming in but the other three who appeared on the FHM cover are.
Chris Rock will be coming in tomorrow to promote his HBO special. Robin said he has a completely different attitude when he's promoting his stand-up comedy than when he's promoting a movie. Howard saw Chris's show live when he did it at Madison Square Garden last year and it was great.
Howard came up with a new idea for when they go out to Las Vegas. They have a really hot porn chick who is willing to go on a date with one of his listeners. He doesn't even know her name but he thought about how to give away the date. He said Benjy suggested that they have everyone who shows up at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino would get a shot at dating her. He found out her name while he was talking about her. Her name is Taylor Rain and she's smoking hot. (Check her out at FTVGirls.com)
Howard went on to tell Robin that they would play Bingo with the audience. Everyone would get a card and they'd all play along. Then Gary said they could call it ''BANGO.'' That led to the creation of the game ''BANGO.'' Gary said they're going to play that game every day they're there in Las Vegas. Double A called back a short time later and said that this is a game for him. He's looking forward to playing the game. Everyone will be able to play along there in Vegas.
A listener called in and said that Jimmy Kimmel ripped off Howard's concept of the American Idol judges judging President Bush's speech that he talked about during the show yesterday. Howard seemed a little upset that Jimmy was stealing that from him without giving credit for it. That led to the guys talking about Jay Leno again. They brought up Stuttering John being on Jay's show now and how Jay tries to break John's chops like Howard did but he doesn't have any history with him so it doesn't work.
Howard said that Star Jones ripped him a new a-hold yesterday on The View. He said Joy Bayhar was making some good points about what's going on with the FCC and Star went off on him. Howard said it's funny that they're debating him on their show but not talking about how Star is getting married to a guy who she's only known for 3 months and who is rumored to have had some gay experiences in his life. Howard said that he would play tape of Star's rant later in the show. He took a commercial break after that.
Howard brought up Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and said that he's taking her side in the divorce. He said he spoke to her just the other day and she should be in to promote her new movie soon. He said when he heard Rebecca and John Stamos were getting divorced he called her right away. He said he's playing it all just the right way trying to convince her that he's the right guy for her. Robin wondered if the story about how John wanted to have a family and Rebecca didn't was the reason for their breakup. Howard said that might be part of it but Rebecca wants to have kids too.
Howard said he did talk to John about all of this and both of them are having a hard time with it. Artie said that John could have a parade of broads if he wanted. Howard said he's not sure that parade hasn't started already. Robin talked about how hot John appears to her when she sees him. Howard said that's the reason the code of men doesn't apply there because John can get tons of hot chicks.
Howard wanted to play the Star Jones clip but he also wanted to get to the chicks from ''The Apprentice.'' He had the guys bring the girls in after thinking about it for a minute.
Gary came in and said that you can see Kristi naked on MrSkin.com because she appeared in an episode of Red Shoe Diaries once. Gary said he watched the episode last night. Howard doesn't understand why they wouldn't do the Playboy thing though. They think that they'd be known as the woman who appeared in Playboy instead of just being known as a business woman.
Howard sent Ereka out to take a lie detector test because she has been accused of calling Omarosa the N-word while they were working together on ''The Apprentice.'' Howard's lie detector guy Ed Torian was there to test her.
Howard talked to Kristi and Katrina for a couple of minutes while Ereka was being hooked up to the lie detector. Katrina told Howard how much she misses him down in Miami where she's from. She said she got through college listening to him. Howard wondered why Amy didn't come in to do the show today but the girls didn't really say what that was.
The girls talked about how ''loony'' Omarosa was on the show and how she's just trying to get publicity with this stuff. Gary came in and said that there's nothing funnier than watching Ed trying to hook up the lie detector around Ereka's chest. Howard killed a few more minutes talking to the girls about his battle against the government and how crazy it is that a Deejay is fighting them. He didn't spend a lot of time on that though. He was taken with the hot chicks in the room.
A listener called in and told the women how great ''The Apprentice'' was. Howard said he blew it and didn't watch all of the episodes. He only saw the first episode. The caller told Katrina that her claims that she was a great real estate salesperson but it didn't have to do with her body, was a bunch of crap. He said he would go look at as many houses as possible if she was his real estate agent. Katrina was flattered by that but she really thinks that the good looks can work against you as well.
Howard moved on to Ed Torian and Ereka in the other room. Ed asked Ereka a bunch of questions about her name, where she lives and some other stuff to get the lie detector test underway. Then he asked her ''Have you ever called a black person a ''ni**er?'' They had a bunch of questions with the word ''Nig***'' in them. It was almost the same question each time. Ed asked her if she would ever marry a black person and she said probably not... and then gave a definite ''No.'' Ed started to laugh a few times at some of the questions. He was laughing hysterically when he asked ''Do you get annoyed when black people are loud in the movies?'' He couldn't stop laughing after reading the question a few times. He laughed even more when he asked ''If you lived in the 1800's would you have owned a black person?''
Ed had some other questions about whether or no Ereka has fantasized about Donald Trump and if she has had lesbian experiences. Ed also asked her if she's sexually attracted to Howard or Robin. She said no to both of those questions. Ereka was getting a little irritated with the questions. Ed hit her with a few more questions and then wrapped up the test.
Howard asked the other girls about having lesbian sex while they waited for Ereka to come back in. Ereka showed up a minute later. Howard told her she had a great body after seeing her come back in. Ed Torian followed her back in and gave Howard the results. Ed went through the whole list and gave Howard the results. She was truthful about her name, where she lives and that she has never referred to a black person as a ''nig***.'' He said she told the truth about all of that so it seems that she hasn't called anyone the N-word. He said there was trouble with one of the questions where he asked about owning a black person if she had lived in the 1800's. Howard said that was understandable because it's not a question you can really answer with a yes or no.
Ed told Howard that Ereka was also deceptive about the question about mistrusting Jews. He said she was also deceptive about being attracted to Donald Trump and the lesbian questions. She also failed the question about enjoying the smell of her farts and about being attracted to Howard and Robin. She likes both of them according to Ed. He also said she was deceptive about whether or not she would have sex with Donald Trump to win ''The Apprentice.''
Howard thanked Ed for coming in and doing the test. He also thanked the girls for coming in. They're doing a signing at 1PM at Tower Records Lincoln Center, 66th and Broadway.
Ereka told Howard about how she was on Oprah Winfrey's show and how she was stuck in the audience while Omarosa was allowed on stage to talk about what she thought went on during the show. Ereka didn't get a chance to voice her side of the story on the show. Oprah sided with Omarosa and didn't let Ereka talk.
Howard gave the girls another plug for the FHM magazine and the signing they're doing on Friday. He talked to them a little more about the guys they're dating and engaged to before wrapping up the interview. He talked to Kristi about the guy she's marrying and found out that Katrina is engaged to her high school sweetheart and she's only had sex with him! Howard told her that it is never going to work and she'll be filled with doubts the whole time she's married to him. Howard told her he thinks it's important to have sex with other people because you don't know if the guy is good in bed or not.
Howard wondered if Katrina would bring any other chicks to bed with them. She said she's pretty straight and probably wouldn't do something like that. Howard took a few phone calls for the girls and let some guys talk to them. He checked out their pictures in FHM magazine and said they all have kick ass bodies. A couple of them have fake boobs so he spent some time talking to them about that. He wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard was a little upset that Jimmy Kimmel's show ripped off his bit about how the American Idol judges should have critiqued President Bush's speech since they were preempted last night. Howard had his guys putting together a bit about that but Kimmel's people beat them to it. He played audio of Jimmy's bit instead since his wasn't done yet. They took clips of Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell picking people apart and put Bush's lines in there as well. Howard said they don't have to produce that bit now that Jimmy has done it. He said no one saw it anyway if it was on Jimmy's show.
Howard moved on to talk about Star Jones going off on him on ''The View'' yesterday. Howard explained what they were talking about on the show and how his name was mentioned. They were discussing the indecency laws and at one point, Star said something about how maybe they should be fined for saying ''vagina'' on their show. That led to Howard talking about Star Jones' engagement and how weird that whole thing is. The guy she's engaged to is rumored to have had some gay things going on in his life. He then played audio from ''The View'' where they brought up how their show has been brought up in the indecency discussions. Star and Elisabeth had really lame arguments while Merideth Viera and Joy Bayhar were defending him. Robin went off on Star after hearing what she had to say about Howard. Artie said he was ready to punch himself in the face after hearing 30 seconds of that show. At one point Star said something about how she wouldn't care if they took Howard off the air and vultures ate him. Howard thought it was funny that everything she talks about is about eating.
Howard read through a bunch of the other e-mail they got and someone told him that President George Washington once said that the government was not based on the Christian religion. Howard said that he was the best President ever. He got another e-mail from a lawyer who says Howard has a case against the government and the fines that have been filed against him. He said that he will post that on his web site HowardStern.com.
Howard has started to get a bunch of mail about the people who run Clear Channel now that he's asked about them. He said that Clear Channel is the enemy and they have to remember that.
Howard got a memo from someone telling him that Tom Chiusano is having a meet and greet after the shows they're doing out in Las Vegas. He has to meet with advertisers and there is no other big talk show host who has to meet with advertisers like that. He said his head is ringing just thinking about that. He said about 4 sponsors show up and it's usually the ''penis cream'' people who show up. Howard thinks that they should be honored that they are allowed to advertise on his show and he shouldn't have to meet with him. He just wants to go to dinner after he does the show that day. Anne Marie is the one who sent him the memo. Fred and Howard played a bunch of the Tom jingles they had and goofed on him for a minute.
Arianna went on to talk about President Bush's speech last night. She talked about how he doesn't like to hear anything about the way he has decided to do things and just keeps saying that they have to stay on course.
Howard asked Arianna about Bill Maher and about her marriage to a guy who eventually came out of the closet and admitted he was gay. Howard said that if the gays were allowed to marry they wouldn't feel that they have to get married to women like this guy did with Arianna. That led to Howard talking about Star Jones and the guy who she's engaged to. Howard asked Arianna if her husband ever told her that he had gay experiences before they got married.
Arianna told Howard that she was having dinner with Uma Thurman last night and Uma wants to come on the show and do a voting show where they would have people registering to vote. They want to get Bush out of office as much as Howard does so they want to do that on his show. Howard told Arianna to go back to Uma and let her know that he is willing to do that.
Howard asked Arianna about being with black guys. She admitted that she has dated a black guy which Howard said was a first for her to admit. He went on to say that she's a good looking woman and asked her how old she is. She said that she's 53 and she weighs 130 pounds and she's 5'10'' tall.
Howard had a phony Arnold Schwarzenegger on the phone to talk to Arianna who ran against him in the run for governor in California. Howard let the phony Arnold say a few things to Arianna. He said he was glad the prettier candidate won. Arianna didn't have a clue that it was a fake Arnold. They spent a few minutes talking to the phony Arnold before he got off the line.
A caller asked Howard how President Bush can look so well rested after the past 4 years of being in office. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that with Arianna. Howard also gave Arianna a couple of plugs for her book ''Fanatics and Fools: The Game Plan for Winning Back America.''
A caller told Howard that the reason Arianna's man stayed with her so long was the fact that she's Greek and she probably did that thing that the Greeks like to do. He also said that her voice would drive any man gay. A few other callers goofed on her voice as well.
Arianna had a few things to say about this culture war that's going on. She compared Howard's show to McDonalds and how they tell people that if you don't want to get fat, don't eat the food. If you don't want to hear what Howard has to say, don't listen to him. She said that it's a free market out there and they should leave Howard alone. Howard gave her a couple more plugs for her book and took a couple more calls for her. They wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
Dan came in and talked to Howard for a minute. He then told Howard about something that happened with Artie at a comedy gig. He drove Artie and a couple of other guys to a show up in Albany. Dan said that Artie was in rare form at 3 in the morning. He found a cab driver to take him home all the way to New Jersey. Not only that but he got himself a sicilian pizza to share with the driver. They were done with it before they even left Albany. Artie said he actually fell asleep shortly after that and didn't wake up until they hit New Jersey. When he did wake up he realized he had to puke. The cab driver pulled over and let him puke. While he was vomiting violently at a gas station a cop stopped by and shined a bright light on him. He didn't say anything, he just laughed and drove away. The cab driver charged him $300 to drive him back to Jersey and he gave him $500. The cab driver told him he was a big fan and that he supports Howard.
A listener called in and told Howard that he works for Clear Channel and he knows who will be replacing him in the six markets that he was taken off in. He said they're going to replace Howard with some team by the name of Star and Buck Wild. Howard wished them luck and said that he hopes that his fans will listen to them and file complaints with the FCC about anything they might say. Artie told Howard that they were in the paper last year because they got fired for doing something racy on their show. He wasn't positive about that though.
Dan the Song Parody Man had one more quick story for Howard about Artie. He brought up the weekend that Artie did a show out in Las Vegas. It was Super Bowl Weekend and Artie was supposed to comedy and then fly to Los Angeles to do an audition for Mike Judge. He left early that Monday morning and said he was going to read his script on the flight to L.A. Dan took over Artie's room after Artie left and he found the scripts left on the bathroom counter so he couldn't even read the scripts on his way to the audition. Artie ended up blowing that whole audition.
All of the guys were goofing on Tom about the sponsor meetings. Howard wondered if they had found a sponsor for ''Gay Family Feud'' yet. Tom said they did find one and it's the MyGaydar.com people. Howard got Tom out of the studio shortly after that.
Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) was so inspired by hearing Tom on the air that he made a prank call to C-Span. He played that for Howard and he just blurted out ''Tom Chiusano sucks!'' when he got on the air.
The Singing Psychic called in around 10 o'clock and sang a prediction for the show. She said that Howard's show will not be shut down, it will just get bigger and bigger and he'll have a huge TV show eventually. Howard didn't want to hear that he'll have a TV show though. She told Howard that he'll have a famous radio show in Europe and all over the world as well. She told Robin that she doesn't think the Indecency bill will pass. Howard gave her a plug for her web site SingingPsychic.com and got off the line with her. Howard said she's really out of it. He has no idea what's going on. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard said that Quentin Tarantino and Daryl Hannah would be on the show today but he wasn't sure how Quentin could get there after being on American Idol last night. Robin told him that the show was pre-recorded last night. Howard said they also have Chris Rock coming in this morning. Dan the Song Parody Man will be bringing in his wack pack member today as well. Tomorrow they have Rebecca Romijn-Stamos coming in. Robin wondered if she's going to drop the Stamos name now that she's getting divorced from John Stamos. Howard said she's keeping it and will just keep adding names to that. He also heard that she's hooked up with John Cusack already. He said that could be a false story though. He said John Stamos is probably orgying down in Orlando. Howard said he was having sex within 30 minutes after he got divorced.
Howard wondered if his web site was back up this morning. He read a story about how his site has become the ''in place'' to go these days. He said they went from being like number 50,000 in popularity to somewhere around 6000. He talked about the link to the new ''BANGO'' game they have on there. They show the woman that people will be playing for on the site.
Howard has been putting a lot of articles up on his web site since he doesn't want to read them all on the air and bore everyone. He had one that his hair stylist gave him about our government not testing our cows for Mad Cow disease. Japan will no longer buy beef from our country because we don't test. The department of agriculture has such close ties to the beef industry that they are refusing to make them test for mad cow. He read that there is a farmer who isn't being allowed to test his own beef for some reason. They'll have a link to the article on HowardStern.com later today.
Howard read an article from the NY Post by John Mainelli who talked about Howard's site and what it's become over the past couple of months since Howard started putting some stuff on there. He said it's one of the first positive articles that Mainelli has written about him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered why Rebecca Romijn-Stamos was going on Jay Leno's show and talking about her divorce before talking to Howard. Howard told the guy she's coming in tomorrow so she's not blowing him off. The guy was also wondering if Howard is going to bang her. Howard thought about it for a minute and then talked about how much he's given up to be with his girlfriend. He said he hopes she realizes what he's given up for her. He could be banging Jillian Barberie if he wanted. The caller told Howard that Jillian is just Mariann from Brooklyn with a good body.
Howard was talking to the caller about Artie and how one of the hot interns on the show finds him attractive. Howard said he heard that Artie is talking to her a lot more now that he knows that. Gary told Howard that some of the other fat guys who work there have been hanging around her a lot more now as well.
Howard heard that the dentist from the show ''The Swan'' wants to do the show. He's not sure how popular the show is though. Artie said he saw some ratings and it's a huge hit. They talked about how similar it is to what they've done in the past with women on the show. Howard talked about how the women on the show always come out wrapped up like The Mummy after surgery. He also talked about how they've made a mess out of some of the women on the show. He sounds interested in talking to that dentist from the show though.
Howard took some phone calls before he took his first commercial break. This guy who won a trip to the Playboy Mansion called in and thanked Howard for it. He said he had a great time and met a lot of people. The guy told a story about how they were being driven up to the mansion in a bus and they ended up having to turn around and got in the way of Dr. Phil's limo. The guy claims that Dr. Phil gave the bus the finger when he got stuck behind them. Howard spent a few minutes talking about his trip to the Playboy mansion one time and how great that was. He took a break right after that.
While he waited for Gary, Howard was still looking at the picture of ''The Apprentice'' girls. He really likes the two chicks on his left in the picture. He had to shut it off because it was too distracting.
Howard finds it funny that the number one best selling book for kids in this country is a book called ''Walter, the Farting Dog'' and their show is being censored when they fart too much. He and the guys talked about how ridiculous that is. They have ''Best Fart'' awards on Nickelodeon yet Howard's General Manager Tom is editing out some farts from the show. Tom came in a few minutes later and said that they don't edit out all of that stuff. Howard told Tom that it's getting to be a real drag working there because of the way he's being censored. It really is time for him to go. Howard told Tom he would never screw over Mel Karmazin. He hasn't had discussions with XM and Sirrius yet.
KC came in with some tapes of some children's learning tapes about using the bathroom so Howard could play them. Tom asked if he had heard them yet because he has to approve everything they play. Howard said they sometimes have to go around him and just play the stuff on the air. Howard played one of the audio clips which was a song about a ''Super Duper Pooper.'' There was another one where they sing about kids using the potty when they have to pee. Howard said if he said something like that himself, they would censor it out of the show. There was another one where they sing about wiping from front to back. Howard said that one freaks him out because he wipes back to front. He said he tried wiping from front to back and he wasn't able to do it. He asked the guys to show him how they do it. He sounded amazed when he saw the technique and demonstrated his own technique. Howard said nothing really happens if he wipes that way. Robin told him his balls might smell, but that's about it. Howard said they probably do smell after all of these years of wiping that way.
Howard saw that Daryl Hannah and Quentin Tarantino were there so he started to talk about them. Howard mentioned some stuff he's heard about Darryl Hannah and the guys she has slept with over the years including Jackson Browne and John F. Kennedy Jr. He also talked about Quentin Tarantino appearing on American Idol last night. He said that he's a great director but he shouldn't be appearing on a show like that. Robin said he was on the season finale last year and that kind of ruined it for her. Gary came in and told Howard that Daryl was wearing a long dress but it had a plunging neck line. He tried not to look at her though. Gary also told Howard that J.D. who works for them was idolizing Quentin the last time he was on the show but now he's disgusted with him because of his appearance on American Idol. Howard said that should make for a great discussion when he comes in.
Howard asked Quentin and Daryl if they've ever slept together. Quentin said that they did have some drinks one night and they cuddled but that was about it. Howard thought Daryl was saying ''no'' as Quentin was describing that night. Howard was still distracted by Daryl's dress so he said something about how great it was. Daryl then covered herself up again so he decided to keep his mouth shut.
Howard told Quentin that he really liked ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' when he saw it the other day. Robin didn't like the first one so Quentin wondered what she thought of this one. Robin didn't get a chance to see it yet though so she didn't have a review of it. Howard liked the casting and told Quentin how much he enjoyed it.
Howard read a statement that Quentin made about Uma Thurman and their relationship. Quentin was denying ever having had sex with Uma but the quote made it sound like they had. Howard figured he was just afraid to say anything because he'd be afraid that Ethan Hawke would kick his ass. Quentin said that he's not afraid of that and the question he was asked for that article was completely different than what it looked like.
Howard asked Daryl about the guy who she's dating now. She would just say that it's really nice to be with someone who is really nice. Howard read that it's some guy in charge of a hotel. Daryl wasn't interested in talking about that though. Howard couldn't get much out of her about that. Howard tried to find out if she's repulsed by his looks after going out with people like J.F.K. Jr. and Jackson Browne. She told him he hides behind his glasses and that big microphone so she can't get a good view of him. He thinks that she would date a dead JFK Jr. Today before she'd date him.
Quentin told Howard that Rosie Perez has a foot thing and has talked about how great Howard's feet are. Daryl wanted to see his feet but he didn't get around to taking off his shoes.
Howard asked Daryl if Jackie O disliked her while she was dating JFK Jr. Daryl said that she had a great relationship with Jackie and none of those stories are true about her being hated. She said she had known John since she was about 15 years old. Howard forgot that she came from a rich family. They spent a short time on that but Howard wouldn't get off the subject of JFK Jr. So Daryl asked him if he's gay for him or something. Howard wondered if it would be hard for Daryl to get off with a guy like him after being with a guy like JFK Jr. She said she didn't think that would be a problem if the guy is nice and she's into him.
Howard got back to Quentin again and asked him about dating Margaret Cho. Quentin said they were never boyfriend/girlfriend. Margaret said that she has had boyfriends that she had to satisfy with a strap on so Howard wondered if he was one of those guys. Quentin said that he is not that guy and he didn't do anything like that.
Howard was trying to get more information out of Daryl about JFK Jr. but she wasn't into talking about it that much. Howard eventually got her to talk about how she hooked up with him and started dating him but there wasn't much of a story there.
Howard got back to the movie ''Kill Bill Vol. 2'' and talked about how great the movie was. He took some phone calls after that and Zolar called in as a woman who had an affair with him a few years ago. He did a great female voice and then got back to his deep regular voice. Quentin thought that was a great call. Another caller asked Quentin what he has planned for Kill Bill 3. He doesn't have any plans at this point but he may do something in the future. Quentin said they had a lot of fun doing the movie but it will take him and Uma about 15 years to get over all of the hard work they put into it.
A listener asked Quentin if he has ever fantasized about Daryl or Uma while pleasuring himself. He says he never has. Howard wasn't sure he believed him or not though. Quentin said he usually thinks of past experiences when he's doing that. Daryl told Howard that Quentin has a large collection of Barbie dolls so Howard told him that Richard Simmons also has a large collection of the dolls. Quentin seemed to think that Howard was pulling his leg about that but he was serious.
Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that. He mentioned that ''Kill Bill Vol. 1'' made $180 million worldwide which is pretty good. Robin said it's no ''Passion of the Christ'' but it's not bad. Quentin seemed kind of annoyed by that little dig. Shuli called in and asked one last question before the interview was over. He asked Daryl if she's ever had third input sex. She claims she's never done that. Howard went to break after that.
Yesterday Howard played tape of Star Jones talking about him and how she would't care if vultures ate him. Today he had tape of Star talking about him again the next day on ''The View.'' She claims that she had a sleepless night because of the stuff she said and how she is trying to be more reflective of Christ. Howard wondered where her name ''Star'' came from. That led to him talking about Jayson Williams' new baby's name which is ''Whizdom.'' Gary told Howard that Star's birth name was actually Starlet so that's where ''Star'' came from.
Howard got back to the tape where Star was talking about how her anger toward this radio deejay and she kind of took it back. The tape got cut off in the middle of the discussion for some reason so Howard wondered what happened. He said it got even better after that because he had listened to it before. Gary came in and said that it should have all been there but the cart he was playing it on just wasn't working. He complained about how many technical problems they have at that station.
Howard moved on and talked about how loud Robin and Quentin Tarantino were after the interview. They were both talking very loudly for some reason. Howard said Daryl said she's never heard two louder people. Robin said they were just talking about American Idol.
Howard got the rest of the tape from ''The View'' where Star Jones was talking about how she lost it on the show the other day when she went off on Howard. Howard and the guys talked about how disturbing it is when a person refers to herself in the third person as two different people. Star talks about how she has to ask for God's forgiveness after her behavior on the show the other day. Howard said he's waiting for an apology from her because she's not apologizing to him, she's just hoping that God will forgive her. She also talked about how Satan is constantly at work and she failed the day before but she will succeed that day. After hearing her rambling Howard asked if they could test her for Mad Cow disease. Fred threw in some cow sound effects and got Robin laughing.
Howard thought that Star was referring to him as Satan so he really does deserve an apology from her now. He put the word out that if she didn't apologize to him personally, then Christ would be against her and make her even fatter. Howard discovered that he had actually come in halfway through the tape earlier and they had missed some of the beginning of the segment.
Captain Janks called in and said that he saw that show yesterday and Star was dabbing her eyes like she was crying during that speech but she never did apologize for what she did. Janks also had a new prank call he made to a gay and lesbian show. He quickly played that for Howard. Janks called in as a woman and asked them if they think that Clear Channel sucks. They told him that they weren't talking about that and hung up on him.
Howard mentioned that Alannis Morissette would be doing the show soon because she sees what he's going through with the censorship thing and wants to support him. Howard said he's been getting a lot of calls from female celebrities about the censorship thing. Howard had some of Alannis' songs so he could pick one for her to perform when she comes in. He never got to them because Chris Rock showed up.
Howard asked Chris if it was true that he dated Caroline Bissett's roommate at one point. He said he did date the woman but he never double dated with JFK Jr. or anything like that.
Chris and Howard talked about how Chris' wife hates Howard. Howard saw him out at dinner one night and he could tell that she wasn't a fan. Howard moved on to talk about Chris' special and the great reviews it's getting. Howard read one review that called his special ''very important.'' After reading a little bit of that he got back to the white chick discussion.
Howard brought up how Chris' mother has a radio show. He asked Chris about that and if he actually gives his mother money. He said of course he does, who doesn't? Howard figures that Chris has quite a nest egg going already.
Zolar called in again and did his female voice claiming he was a woman who slept with Chris. Then he broke into his male voice and called Chris a ''dirty nig***.'' Howard didn't think that was right. Chris told Howard that he'll probably get fined for that.
Chris told Howard that he and his wife are having another kid so they spent some time talking about that. Chris talked about how happy the kid makes him and how much he's into it. Howard wondered what he's doing with his life. He reminded Chris that Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is available now.
Howard talked about Chris' comedy show and how women loved him when he was doing it. He can't believe that Chris isn't out on the road getting laid all the time. His wife is pregnant so he's not getting any sex now. Howard asked him how far along she is. He said she's due in May so she's almost there. He also said he has gotten laid a few times while his wife has been pregnant.
Howard and Chris talked about he darker skinned black celebrities who have made it in the business. Howard was saying that he's been with some dark skinned black women himself. They were talking about Naomi Campbell a little bit as well. Chris said he put the feelers out there to find out if she would date him but she wasn't interested. He said he loves her though and she's got one of the great asses of all time.
Howard asked Chris about his HBO special and how much he got paid to do that. Chris said he got paid well by them but he didn't say exactly how much it was. Chris is also working on a new movie with Adam Sandler. Howard wondered what the plot was. Chris said they're remaking ''The Longest Yard'' and Sandler is playing Burt Reynolds' part. Chris plays the part of the guy who shows Adam's character the ropes in prison.
Howard gave Chris a plug for his special ''Never Scared'' that airs this Saturday at 10pm on HBO. He also talked about some of the stuff Chris covers in his comedy show. Howard had Chris tell some of the jokes he does in the special that he thought were pretty funny. He also talked to Chris about how he writes his comedy. Chris keeps the jokes he thinks of on voice mail. Howard seemed fascinated by that so he tried to find out more about how he does it. He wondered if Chris does it in the classic Chris Rock style when he does it. Chris said he mumbles it in to the phone so no one hears it. He will then write it down and take it to a comedy club and try it out on a crowd.
Howard asked Chris about working with Mel Gibson and if he was ever anti-semitic when he was around him. Chris said he was a really nice guy when he knew him. Chris also said he gave him money to work on the movie with him so he's never going to say anything negative about him. Howard asked Chris to come in sometime and do his greatest hits. Chris said he hates that and wouldn't want to do that. He said most comics do their greatest hits on stage and it sucks. He said Sam Kinison is one of the only guys who never did that. He would always do a new show every night. Howard and Chris talked about some other comedians like Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Cosby. Howard says Cosby isn't funny but Chris wasn't bad mouthing anyone.
Chris did have a few words to say about Clear Channel and how they own just about everything out there. He told Howard how they own the concert venues and even the ticket brokers who sell tickets to his show. He and Howard talked about that for a minute and Howard ended up going off on Clear Channel about the way they've been treating him. He said he's going to have to take them to court to get the money out of them even though he has contracts with them. Howard was also talking about how John Ashcroft is going after pornography and even after HBO and channels like that. Howard told Chris that he believes that he will be forced off the air soon. He explained how they're going to start fining individuals eventually and he won't be able to afford to stay on the air. He said it's just a matter of time before they're off the air. Chris said he'll be done too if they go after HBO. Howard told him that Ashcroft has already called HBO pornographers and he's going to try and go after them even though they're a pay channel. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
One of Dan's jobs this week is to find a new wack pack member. Dan brought in his friend Andy who he has hung out with. Andy is an unusual looking guy according to Howard. He said he looks kind of like Stone Cold Steve Austin. Howard also pointed out his weird speech pattern. He had a traumatic brain injury years ago after a car accident in which he died 5 times. Howard said the visual on the guy was pretty good for a wack pack member. Andy told Howard that you should always wear a seat belt because he was bounced around his car when he got in the accident. He hasn't gotten laid in over 14 years because of that accident.
Andy said he didn't see anything when he died like some people claim you do. He pointed out the fact that when you die you don't have the ability to remember anything. Howard said the guy was depressing him a little bit after hearing his stories. He said he doesn't think he'd put him in the wack pack.
Howard asked Andy if his penis still works. When he said it does, Howard said that makes him sad. He didn't think he was someone they could laugh at either. Dan thinks that if he could bring Andy to Las Vegas they would see how fun the guy can be to be around. Howard told Dan that he and Andy made a good couple. He sent Dan off and said he can't hit everything right on. He wondered what Dan was thinking bringing him in there. He's not a Beetlejuice, a Jeff the Drunk or even a Captain Janks. Artie said he needs someone who claims they have a blood blister on their ass when they've actually crapped their pants (referring to Jeff the Drunk).
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said a few words about Star Jones and her lies on The View. Fred played a bunch of crow cawing sound effects as she was talking of course. Howard got off the line a minute later and basically ignored what she said.
A listener called in and wanted to talk to Howard about last night's ''Smallville'' episode but Howard hadn't seen it. The guy wanted to play a game instead so Howard quickly had him guess a number between 1 and 5. The guy guessed 3 but Howard was thinking 2. He gave him the prize anyway. It was a trip to a concert that he won.
Howard read an e-mail about Madonna's son and why he has long hair. Howard read that Madonna is following the Kubala and they say that a child's hair is not supposed to be cut until they are 3 years old.
There was an article in the National Enquirer about this guy Scott ''Boober'' Thorson who is claiming that he had an affair with Michael Jackson. The guy claims they did something way back in 1979 but Jackson's people are denying that it's true. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes going over that story.
Howard played an audio clip from a talk show where they were discussing how he was nominated to enter the Radio Hall of Fame. Howard doesn't seem to be all that impressed with the nomination though. He's up against Dr. Laura. He goofed on the whole idea of the Radio Hall of Fame for a couple of minutes. Gary brought in a list of the people who are already in the hall of fame. Casey Kasem, Dick Clark, Rick Dees, Paul Harvey, Don Imus, Mel Karmazin, Rush Limbaugh, Wolfman Jack and a bunch of others are already in there. He respects Mel and Paul Harvey but the others he didn't seem too impressed with. Howard ended up talking about Wolfman Jack for a couple of minutes since they knew the guy. Tom was bugging him about taking a break so he had to do that after complaining about him for a short time. He brought up the client meeting he has to go to out in Las Vegas next month and how he really doesn't want to do it.
Al Rosenberg called in and said that he went with Imus when he was inducted into the radio hall of fame. He said about 12 people showed up and sat in folding chairs. Al said that he remembers Cousin Brucie giving a speech about how you can be funny without being raunchy. He also told a story about this deejay who took the tapes of Wolfman Jack and made him sound gay. Al and Howard spent a minute talking about that stuff before Howard let Al go. Gary told Howard that the company that runs the Radio Hall of Fame is a subsidiary of Clear Channel so he shouldn't start writing his acceptance speech yet. He said that if he will accept the award if Lowry Mays and John Hogan from Clear Channel present the award to him. He went off on the Clear Channel guys for a short time. Artie thought the story Chris Rock told about Clear Channel giving all of their tickets to ticket brokers was a major story. Howard said Pearl Jam has been yelling about that stuff for years but no one jumps on the band wagon with them. He had to take a break after that short discussion.
Howard started off the morning talking about guests they had coming in. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos is one of them. He said he believes that she's going to keep that Stamos name and just keep adding to it as she gets married over the years. The guys talked about how she's rumored to be dating John Cusack now that she's separated from John Stamos. They also talked about women who have kept their husband's last names after getting divorced. Names like Cindy Garvey and Ivanna Trump were mentioned.
Howard brought up this letter he got telling him that he's nominated for being entered into the Radio Hall of Fame. He read the letter and they tell him that he has been ''re-nominated'' this year to get in the hall of fame. He said the whole thing is a joke because most of the people that are already in there are not even close to being as popular as he is. Howard said the company that runs the hall of fame is owned by Clear Channel so the voting should be really fair. He also pointed out that Dr. Laura Schleshinger is nominated. He pointed out that she's a gay basher. He also read that you get to vote if you log on to the web site RadioHof.org and pay $15 to join. Howard decided to decline the nomination unless the head of Clear Channel, Lowry Mays, gives him the award. He said the whole thing is a joke anyway. Howard read through the letter and goofed on the whole idea of it for a couple of minutes. Howard didn't want to be any part of the nominations.
Gary said he tries to clear his throat the whole time he's driving into work. Then he gets into the office and his throat is all clogged up with phlegm. Howard told Robin that Gary is on a diet now and his breath is going to stink all the time now. Everyone in the studio was laughing at Gary so he was kind of bummed out by that as well. Howard said when he's out in the hall clearing his throat it's like a rattlesnake warning you that it's out there.
Gary wanted to change the subject and talk about ''The Apprentice.'' Howard said he likes having Trump on the show but he can't imagine what it would be like working for that guy. He said the great job would be working as Jay Leno's announcer. All that person has to do is go in from 3 to 5 and get paid big bucks. Howard and the guys talked about this guy who won on ''The Apprentice'' and how he runs an internet cigar store. Howard didn't think there was anyone out there smoking cigars anymore. Robin and the guys talked about how they see people smoking cigars all the time.
Most of the guys think that everyone who was fired from ''The Apprentice'' are the real winners because they won't have to work for Trump. They said the job looks really tough and the guy is going to have a hard time working for Trump. Howard talked about how Trump is always talking about how great everything he owns is. He flew down to Atlantic City with him one time and he was telling him how great his personal helicopter is. Artie has goofed on the way Trump is always touting his stuff as being ''absolutely the best'' all the time.
Gary told Howard about ''The Apprentice'' a little more and how they had a scene toward the end of the show where Trump's hair looked black in the middle and light on the sides. It was really bizarre according to him and Artie. Howard had to take a break shortly after that discussion.
Howard was talking about working for Jay Leno and how easy that would be even though you have to listen to Jay's crap. Trump said he did that show the other day and saw Stuttering John out there. He said he asked John what was going on there but didn't get into much detail about what he said. Howard got back to ''The Apprentice'' and how great it did in the ratings. Trump said it was really huge and they had amazing ratings for the show.
Howard told Trump about going down to his club in West Palm Beach. Trump didn't hear about that though. Howard told him about how much he liked the place and how ''over the top'' it was. Trump said it was just too big to use it as a house so he turned it into a club that will have a cap of 500 members. He said the members pay $150,000 to join and they can come in and see shows, eat, sleep and do other things while they're there. Trump was talking about how great the food is and how he built a golf course just 5 minutes from the place so people can go play nearby.
Trump told Howard that he was supposed to just do one of these ''The Apprentice'' shows but it did so well that he's going to do another season. He also talked about the dark hair he had in the one shot during last night's show. He said he tries to keep the gray out and he doesn't know what went wrong in that one shot.
Robin brought up a story about how Trump may not have as much money as some people think he does. Trump said he has to get a hold of whoever printed the article and sue them. Howard decided to ask Trump the toughest question he's been asked so far in an interview. He said ''In November, who gets your vote?'' Trump went on to tell Howard about what's going on with his freedom of speech issues. He said he's been waking up early every morning to listen to Howard and he agrees with him about what's going on. He also said he believes that going into Iraq was a bad idea.
Howard interrupted that discussion to talk about this chick Omarosa from ''The Apprentice'' and what a wack job she turned out to be. Trump said he doesn't believe that Ereka said the N word to her like she claims. Howard also talked to Trump about the hot chicks they had on ''The Apprent