Howard started off the morning talking about how exhausted he was even after going to bed early the night before. He said he was up at 1 in the morning because he was hungry. He turned on his TV and watched Bill Maher's show. He was liking what he was hearing on that show which was about free speech. After watching that he watched ''The Sopranos'' that he had TiVo'd earlier in the evening. Now he's exhausted because he didn't get any sleep. He said he didn't know that Rachel Hunter was coming in today and he wanted to look her best for her.
Howard and Artie talked about Rachel Hunter being in Playboy and how hot she looks in there. He said he doesn't know what will walk in the studio today but she looks good in the magazine. He pointed out one picture where her belly looked a little big but in the other pictures it looked fine. Howard didn't even shave this morning so he wasn't looking his best. He also lost a tooth over the weekend somehow and that was driving him nuts as well. Howard said he was talking to his daughter on the phone when he realized he'd lost this tooth. He doesn't know what happened to it either, it just disappeared.
Howard went to Nobu on Friday for dinner. After that he and Beth went out to see Scott the Engineer's son's band Vertigo Blue at some club in the city. Scott was there trying to help his son's band out with some technical problems. Scott came in and told Howard that they had some Scores girls dancing on stage with them and one of them stepped on a cord and broke it. Howard told Robin about the band and how he saw Scott's wife there. He said the band was actually very good and wanted more after the half hour they played.
Howard told Robin it's weird because Scott's son has hair but he looks a little like Scott. That makes all the difference in the world according to Howard. The band reminds Howard of the Allman Brothers just in the way they jam together. They don't play that type of music though. The E! guys where there to see Scott's band as well.
Howard told Robin how they had Scores girls dancing on stage but they really didn't need it because they were good. Ronnie the Limo Driver brought the girls there and was instructing them on what to do up on stage. He was directing them to kiss and do other stuff while up there. Howard told Robin he thinks that Ronnie the Limo Driver is shaving his body hair these days. He said he has pictures of him from his Valentine's day party and it looked like he was shaving it down. Ronnie showed Howard that it's still there though.
Ronnie (aka Scoresman923) got a little pissed off when he heard the Scott was saying that they didn't really need the Scores girls at the gig. He said that Scott is never happy. He told Scott that he'll never see them again after saying that. Ronnie is bringing in some of the Scores girls today for Howard to check out.
Cabbie called in and told Howard that Rachel Hunter looks like a man. He said that he saw her up close when Cane was doing stuff with her. He said that she has man hands and a big square face. Howard told him he was nuts and he should call back when she's there to ask her if she really did stuff with this DJ Cane. Cabbie swears that she was doing stuff with him but Howard thinks she'll deny it. Artie did his impression of Cabbie and goofed on him for a minute about what he was saying about Rachel.
Artie asked the guy if there are chicks out there who have good feet that aren't that hot that he'd actually like. He said he likes a certain type of foot but didn't say much about other chicks who he likes who just have good feet. Howard said that he has spent a little time with women's feet but most of them are out the door if you spend too much time on their feet. Howard and Artie said that feet don't matter that much to them and just because they don't have good feet doesn't mean they'd stay away from them. The caller said he has to date someone who has great feet.
Another caller told Howard that he knows where the foot fetish comes from. He said that it seems to have something to do with babies crawling around seeing feet when they're young. Howard said he remembers seeing a mole on his mother's leg when he was young and it may have even had hair growing out of it. Howard wrapped up the call with the foot fetish guy a minute later.
Howard was checking out the Playboy with Rachel Hunter in it and talked about how great her breasts looked. He wondered if they were real or not. He figures that they're fake from the size but he didn't seem sure of that. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that there will be all new girls at the new Scores. Lonnie will be going back and forth between the two clubs to manage them but there will be all new employees there at the new club.
Robin said she saw an article in The Star about celebrities that like strip clubs and Howard's picture was in there. Howard said Beth asked him if he was embarrassed by that. He's not embarrassed because if someone tells him there's somewhere he can go and see naked women, he's going to go. Robin pointed out that Howard has avoided Fashion Week before because he thinks it's kind of desperate looking when guys are photographed at those events. Howard said a strip club is different and there's no one there taking pictures of him while looking at the women. He said he's not embarrassed to be a big fan of the strip clubs though. He loves going to them. Howard said he was at Scores until 12:30 in the morning or so.
Howard said he was angry about the FCC stuff over the weekend and ended up talking to Mel (Karmazin) about everything that's going on. Howard said they will have to have another meeting if the indecency bill gets through the Senate. He talked about how the show is live and he doesn't have the time to edit it. That's one of their options though. They could tape the show and go back to edit it to replay later. He doesn't want to do that because he likes doing it live.
Howard mentioned that he's got a bunch of articles for people to read on his web site HowardStern.com. He's also getting some e-mail about this stuff. Someone mentioned that we should be contributing to John Kerry's campaign fund to help him beat Bush. Howard read some e-mail about that. One guy suggested putting a ''/Howard Stern Fan'' after your occupation if you do donate through JohnKerry.com.
Howard read through a few more e-mails from fans who are supporting him in this battle to keep the show on the air. A lot of people wrote in about the show Howard did on Friday where he didn't talk for the first hour and a half. Some people were afraid that they'd lost the show at that point.
Howard said when he was growing up there was nothing like this Janet Jackson thing going on back then. No one was getting upset over a woman's breast the way they are now. He said he still can't believe that people are acting like they are these days. Howard believes that even the F-word should be allowed on the air because there is nothing that can be said that will offend him. He finds the actions that some government officials do to be offensive. He talked about a few things that he finds hard to believe like the fact that the guy who admits to having had something to do with the 9/11 attacks is still on the loose. Howard said that Bush offends him in many ways and the biggest thing is that smirk Bush has on his face when he does something. He doesn't believe the guy should be in office anymore.
Howard suggested that if you want Bush out to give John Kerry a few bucks to help out his campaign. He said he knows that people will say that Kerry flip flops on some things but he is pro-choice and he's for increasing military spending. Howard and Robin spent a could of minutes talking about Bush and Kerry. Howard had a list of things that Kerry has done that he likes. He said that Kerry actually fought in a war and hasn't forgotten his war buddies. He said he knows that the guy isn't perfect and he may not change the world, but he seems like a good choice to him. Howard read that Kerry voted for the war in Iraq because Bush claimed that he was going to do a lot of things that he didn't end up doing.
Howard said he has no problem with Kerry but he does have big problems with the guy who's in office now. He talked about the bill that the House of Representatives voted in favor of for the indecency fines. He said they voted for a bill that said it was okay for people not to sue a fast food restaurant for making them fat, but then the turn around and vote for a bill that allows huge fines to be levied against individuals and broadcast companies.
Howard read some mail from some angry people who think that he should be put in jail for the things he says. He said that there seems to be a smear campaign going on about him. He also read an article about Marie Osmond who is trying to take the shock out of shock jocks and she has her own radio show now. Howard said that will fail about as fast as her TV show. Marie said something about how the strip club is being brought into her living room by these DJs. Howard said that she's the one bringing into her living room if she tunes into it. Howard went off on her for a minute.
Howard said that the FCC just hit Clear Channel with a new fine for the Elliot in the Morning show but Clear Channel didn't fire him for some reason. Howard also said he got a letter from Clear Channel saying that they're not going to pay him for the 6 stations they took him off of. Howard said that he went through this with Evergreen media a few years ago. Now he will have to go to court over this and they will end up paying. He said that he has an ironclad contract that says they have to pay him no matter what. Howard said they claim that Howard violated their policy but that policy wasn't there until after they already pulled him off the air. Howard has to hire an attorney now to set up a case against them.
Howard's boss had to pay Opie and Anthony after they got fired for something that happened on their show. He's a good business man and wouldn't screw someone on a contract they have. Howard said that Clear Channel owes him money now because they had a contract with him. He said he had a feeling that they were going to do this to him. He said he knows that he will win the case to get the money but he won't be able to get damages because the court won't understand it. He had to cut that discussion short so he could take another break.
Howard then brought in the ''From Junk to a Hunk'' weight loss challenge contestants. The two guys, Tomas and Rob, are competing to see who can lose the most weight. Howard pointed out that Tomas' face is coming out from behind the fat. Tomas originally weighed in at 423 pounds. Today he weighed in at just 368 pounds. Howard believes that they should have made the contest last 6 months so they could really lose a lot of weight and look normal.
Howard moved on to Rob who originally weighed in at 335 pounds. Today he hopped on the scale and came up at 288 pounds. Howard said that the flab is just rolling off of them. Howard congratulated the two of them and reminded them that they're trying to win money and a ''date'' with porn star Korina Taylor. Rob is still a virgin so he's got more of an incentive to win this thing.
Howard spent a minute talking to Rob about porn star chicks and tried to find out how many times a day he pleasures himself. He said it's not all that many times. Howard told him that having sex with a chick is the greatest. He said once he gets the stank on his hang-low, he's going to want it more and more. Rob wasn't saying that much during this discussion though. Howard told him he really needs to get some kind of a rap to talk to these chicks. Howard let the guys go after that quick discussion.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that Howard just get up and walk out from his job. Howard didn't think that made any sense so he hung up on the guy.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that Rachel Hunter put a tattoo on her back for a company. Howard also pointed out that she has a bad tattoo by her private parts as well. He's not a fan of that tattoo either. Chaunce tried to give Howard some other info about Rachel but Howard didn't seem to care. He told Chaunce he had to go after hearing some of that stuff.
A caller asked Howard what he wants to do about satellite radio. Howard told the guy that he will stay on the air with Infinity as long as he can but if the Senate passes this indecency bill, he may be forced off the air. If that happens he said he'll be in a weird position where he could be fined half a million dollars per offense. The caller was too annoying for Howard so he had to hang up on him.
A listener called in and told Howard that he just saw Rachel Hunter get out of her limo at the station and she looked great. He ended up cursing or something and the delay was hit on him. Howard had to move on to more calls after that. One guy told Howard that Senator Chuck Shumer said something about being behind Howard in the St. Patrick's day parade. Howard seemed happy to hear that.
A listener called in and told Howard to check out ClearChannelSucks.info where they have a lot of stuff about what Clear Channel does. That led to Howard talking about how they're not going to pay him for the contract he has with them. Howard told the guy that they might have to link up to that site from his site.
Comedian Shuli called in and brought up Bill O'Reilly and what a creep he's turned out to be lately. Howard said that these guys seem to think that everything that's going on with the FCC all has to do with him. They don't realize that it's about everyone else as well. He was going to do an interview with Rolling Stone magazine but backed out when he figured out that it's not just his issue. They don't need him to write an article, they can write it without him. Howard said there should be a big picture of the Congressmen who signed this ridiculous bill on the cover of the magazine saying that they have to be voted out.
Shuli told Howard that Bill O'Reilly sells a lot of junk on his web site so he made a game out of it. He asked Howard some multiple choice questions about the products he sells on his site. The first item was a ''The Rain Stops Here'' umbrella. Howard goofed on both O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh about the crap they sell to their fans. Shuli did another multiple choice and revealed that O'Reilly sells a ''The Spin Stops Here'' door mat for almost $50. He gave Howard a few more choices and talked about O'Reilly's ''The Spin Stops Here'' sweat pants that are almost $50 at $49.95. Howard said these guys just can't be making money on this stuff. Shuli did one more of his games and we learned that O'Reilly sells ''The Spin Stops Here'' license plate frames for $18.95. Howard said that's a bargain compared to the other junk he sells. There's also a paper weight that he sells for $34.95. Howard said those guys have got nerve selling that crap. All they want is money, money, money. He had to take another break before getting to the Scores girls who were there.
Howard and Artie sounded impressed at how good looking the girls were. Howard said he knew some of the girls and has had lap dances from some of them. Howard spoke to Lonnie a little bit about how they let Sean Penn shoot a movie over there at Scores. Howard wants Penn banned from the clubs because he's said some nasty things about him in the past. Lonnie didn't seem aware of that so he said they'd have to ban him from the new club.
Lonnie said that Howard is the one who made it okay for guys to go to strip clubs. Howard brought up the article they talked about earlier in the show where they showed Howard as being a celebrity who enjoys going to strip clubs. He said he's proud of that fact and he's not embarrassed by it. Lonnie told Howard that they will have over 100 dancers at the club so there will always be girls to dance for guys. Tomorrow night is the grand opening for the new club on the West Side.
The opening is at 9pm tomorrow night so Howard can't make it then. Lonnie told him that he will hold a grand opening party for him whenever it's convenient for him.
Howard had each of the girls introduce themselves after that. First up was Kyra who showed off her body to Howard. She was only 22 years old and has only been dancing for 2 months. She has big DD-cub implants. Howard moved on to the next girl, Mariah, and spoke to her for a short time. She has been dancing for about 3 years and loves what she does.
Lonnie told Howard about the new club and some of the features they have there. They have a skybox in the club so guys can pick out their girls from up above. Howard cut Lonnie off and said hello to Stacy who has also only been dancing for about 2 months. She said her parents don't even know what she's doing. They think she's a bartender. She told Howard that she got her practice in back when she was still in high school. She also said that she's into girls and has made it with some. That also started back in high school.
Howard introduced his ''Scores Wife'' Linda. Howard said that's his girlfriend at the club but he's allowed to cheat. She's also into the lesbian thing and she told Howard that she does it just for Howard. She told Howard that she just had sex with a guy last night so Howard said that makes him sick. Next up was Sable. She was claiming that it was her real name but Howard knew it was just a made up name. She told Howard that she's also into women. Lonnie told Howard that they flew her in for the new club opening because she's that hot.
Howard spoke to Chase for a minute as well. She told him that she likes women but loves men. She said that she just had sex on Saturday with a guy she met at a club when she was out dancing. She's not into women yet but Howard said it's just a matter of time before she gets into that. Howard moved on to Nyla after that. He spoke to her for a minute and learned that she also had sex last night. She said she's been having sex with the guy for a while now. Nyla said that she does fool around with women at the club but hasn't ever had sex with another woman.
Howard wished Lonnie good luck with the new club and was going to wrap things up. The girls wanted to dance for Howard before they left though. Fred played some music and let them dance as he went to commercial break. Check out ScoresNY.com for more information about the clubs.
Howard asked her if there was any air brushing going on in the magazine. She said that there wasn't that much and she also said that she didn't have to lose weight for them like Howard thought. She told Howard that they asked her to do it originally when she was about 18 years old. She's now 34.
Howard asked Rachel when she got sexually active. She told Howard that she started when she was about 16. Howard asked her if she would ever date someone like him. She told him that he's not that bad looking and she would date him. Howard read some notes on some of the other guys she's been with and tried to get her to rate him on a scale of 10. She didn't want to be put on the spot though and didn't give him an answer.
Howard pointed out how short Rod Stewart is and how she shouldn't date a guy that short. She said that he's actually a little taller than she is but Howard didn't believe her. She said that he's 5'10'' tall. Howard also read that Rod cried when he lost Rachel. He said she must be a firecracker in bed if he cried. She just said that he was a great guy and didn't want to go there with Howard.
Howard couldn't believe that Rachel's breasts are real but she claims they are real. Howard then told her that he wanted to see her feet. She showed him her feet and Howard said they are pretty nice. They didn't get into it any deeper than that.
Howard mentioned some of the people who Rachel has dated and they all end up being rock stars. She said she's not just into rock stars, she just ends up dating them. She dated the lead singer from Puddle of Mudd for a little while so Howard asked her what went wrong there. She said she just needed to be on her own. Howard thought he must have been cheating or something. She said it just wasn't working out between them.
Howard got back to the rating thing and tried to get Rachel to tell him where he rated. She didn't want to give him a rating. She told him she's not going there. He kept asking her but she wouldn't give him a number. He figures there's just no chemistry there. She said that she thinks they should just be friends. Howard was ready to stop the interview right then but he was just kidding.
Rachel asked Howard about his girlfriend while they were talking about the chemistry thing. Howard told her that she's off the list now if his current girlfriend breaks up with him. He won't call her if or when that happens. Howard got back to the Puddle of Mudd guy and tried to find out how long it took him to get into her pants. She wasn't talking about that stuff either. Howard asked her some other questions that she found to be too personal.
Howard brought up Cane (a DJ on Howard's station in NYC) again and Rachel says that she never slept with him. Crazy Cabbie was claiming that she was flying Cane out to L.A. each week but she denied that as well. Howard tried to find out about her diamond ring and some other stuff that she didn't want to talk about. Howard said the only thing she wanted to talk about was the fact that her hotel burned down. Howard asked her to talk about the ring she had on her finger. She finally admitted that it was from Rod (Stewart) after a couple of minutes of not talking. Howard then asked her about her divorce from Rod and found out she's not all that upset about not getting a lot of money in the divorce.
Rachel told Howard that it's no one's business where that ring came from. The delay was hit at least once for some reason. Howard then said that he'd like to date Rachel's sister because she's probably not as full of herself as Rachel is.
Howard got back to the lead singer of Puddle of Mudd and tried to find out more about that relationship. He wasn't having any luck though because she really didn't want to talk about personal stuff. Howard figured that the guy must have gotten her on the first night but she told him she never said that. Howard asked her if she takes a bath before having sex with a guy. She said that she does love baths but she wasn't being very cooperative in the conversation.
Howard gave Rachel a plug for the April issue of Playboy and then took some phone calls. A woman asked Rachel if she's ever been with a woman. Rachel said she hasn't been with any but did kiss one for a movie. She Howard asked her if she has ever used a strap on with Rod before. She seemed pretty disgusted by that question. She did admit that she likes to go horseback riding to pleasure herself but she later told Howard she was making that stuff up.
A listener called in and said that he loves Rachel and if she has ever been with a black guy or a Puerto Rican guy. She said it would depend on the chemistry and she would date a black guy if it was there. Another caller told Howard that Rachel is hot but she's a boring interview. He wanted her to answer more questions than she was.
Another caller said he saw Rachel get a ride home with Fred Durst one night from a club. He asked her what happened that night and she said all he did was drop her off.
Howard wanted Rachel to sing some Karaoke to the tune of Bon Jovi's ''Runaway.'' She said she can't sing so she wasn't going to do it. Howard gave up on that idea pretty quick and asked her what she was wearing under her outfit. She told him that she didn't have any panties on.
Another caller asked Rachel what happened to the hot nanny that Rod and Rachel had. Rachel said that she went back to Australia as far as she knows. Howard wondered if there was something there that she wasn't talking about. another guy asked Rachel if she ever dated Donald Trump. She said that never happened and she would never go out with him. She sounded disgusted with him just talking about him.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and gave Rachel a verbal lashing for not talking. Then she sang to them a little bit while Fred played a crow cawing in the background as usual.
Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Rachel about the Playboy shoot and how they rubbed lotion on her before the photo shoot. Howard asked her about the tattoo she has on her back and how it used to be a bee. Now it's a Virgin Mary or something like that. He was trying to figure out if she'd be good in bed or not while he was talking to her about that stuff. He wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard asked Robin to start her news shortly after that. He also killed some time talking about some other stuff. He told Robin about this knife that the people at Airborne sent him as a gift. He said the knife was pretty cool according to Howard.
Someone wrote Howard an e-mail saying that John Popper from the band Blues Traveler has gained back all of the weight he lost after having his stomach stapled. Howard said that kind of thing makes him happy because he doesn't want people to be able to lose weight without working hard at it like he has.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and corrected Howard and the guys about the lyrics in David Bowie's song ''Fame'' because they were trying to decipher them a little earlier. Howard ended up replaying the live version that Bowie did at his birthday show one year. Vinnie thought the lyrics had something to do with butter and sugar when it was actually ''Bully for you, chilly for me, gotta get a raincheck on pain.'' Howard had the lyrics off of a web site that had the actual lyrics. Howard goofed on Vinnie for a couple of minutes after that. Howard played Bowie's ''I'm Afraid of Americans'' for a few seconds and said that Vinnie probably heard those lyrics as ''I'm Afraid of American Cheese.'' Robin started her news after that.
Howard said he was watching Fear Factor last night when people were eating live snails including the shells. He said he was surprised to see that they could eat the shells and all. He said he woke up this morning and Beth told him that he was in the paper again. He was more worried about the picture they used than what the article was about. Then he read that the author basically told him to snap out of it and make the show funny again. He said that was really depressing because the guy just doesn't seem to understand what's going on with the show. He said that he's already off the air in 6 markets and he could be off the rest of his stations sometime in the future. The journalist thought that Howard's interview with Cat Schwartz was good and things were like normal that day. Howard said that he doesn't even know if that interview won't be deemed offensive yet. He said it could come up in a month that there was something said during that interview that they could be fined with.
Howard went off on the journalist, Richard Huff, as he read the article. The guy tells Howard to shut up and stop with the complaining. Howard said that this guy should be doing that, he just doesn't get it. The writer also thought that Howard was the one who depicted himself as Christ on his web site but Howard pointed out that someone else created that picture for him. Huff tells Howard to just get used to using the 90 second delay and to just deal with it. Howard said that he's had that delay for a long time now but it's ridiculous that he has to be censored like that all morning.
Howard pointed out that the ''rules'' that the FCC has are very vague and it's not like he knows what can be said or not said. He also said he doesn't know if he's going to be fined for the stuff that he's interviewed Cat Schwartz, Sandi Taylor and Rachel Hunter about. Huff doesn't seem to believe that Howard is under as much pressure as he really is. Huff tells Howard to just stop complaining and just do his show as he has in the past. Just take the fines as they come and get back to being funny. Howard said reading that article got him really bummed out because these people just don't get what's going on.
Howard said that there's this guy Elliot in the Morning down in Washington DC who was just fined but Clear Channel hasn't been fired like Bubba the Love Sponge and Howard were fired. Bubba was fined and fired but Howard wasn't even fined. They just took him off the air without any fines.
Howard is supposed to just go back to doing his show the way he used to according to Huff but he can't. The FCC could hit him with fines 3 months later for stuff they don't even know is considered offensive. Howard can't do the show the way he used to because of all of this crap. Howard doesn't even think the guy is a listener like he claims he is.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard he's a whining douche bag when he talks about this stuff. Howard said guys like that should get some of the e-mail from the people who have lost the show in Orlando and Pittsburgh. He picked up another phone call and let a couple of guys talk about what's going on out there.
One guy told Howard that he's alienating some people like Richard Huff who is being positive about what's going on. Howard said he doesn't understand that and Huff isn't supporting him like the caller thinks he is. Howard said the guy is not behind him and if he was, he would have written an article about how he's being forced off the air. He can't do the show the way he used to anymore.
Howard read another article about Clear Channel and how they haven't fired this guy Elliot Segal even though they were fined by the FCC. Howard didn't get fined but Clear Channel let him go. Clear Channel is claiming that the fines were instituted before their ''Zero Tolerance'' policy was set in place. Howard said Bubba's fines were also from before that policy. They're very inconsistent with their firings and Howard said this will all be brought up during his lawsuit against them.
Howard moved on to talk about the guests he had coming in today. He said they have this guy Raymondo who is bringing in some hot black chicks who look better than any white chicks they've had on the show. They spent a minute on that and then Howard took a call from Joey Boots. Joey asked about the fines that could be set in place for individuals who call in and say dirty stuff. Howard told Joey that if they can identify these people, the FCC could fine them just like they could fine the radio station.
King of all Blacks called in and talked about the ridiculous article that Richard Huff wrote. Howard said that a guy like that does more damage than good because other people, who don't listen to the show, are going to read that article and think that all he's doing is complaining about some nonsense on his show.
Howard talked about Bill O'Reilly for a couple of minutes and how he's doing just fine with his TV show and radio show but there's no reason for a guy like that to sell the kind of crap he's selling on his web site. He and King of all Blacks talked about that for a couple of minutes before King had to go.
Howard talked about Clear Channel and how they're not paying him even though they have a contract with him that's basically iron clad. He's not going to let them get away with that and will take them to court over it. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard changed subjects and said that Gary's birthday was on Sunday so he sent him a gift. He was bragging that he had that date in his date book and Robin didn't remember it. Robin apologized for not sending Gary anything.
Howard got back to the Las Vegas thing and said that you really have to make plans ahead of time but he's not sure they'll still be on the air by that point. Howard said that this guy wrote in and told him about the Hard Rock web site where you can control the camera at the pool so you can check out the hot chicks that are there. The guy said that you can actually zoom in to hotel windows and see people in their rooms. The guy sent Howard a picture of a woman in her room in her bra and panties. Another chick was in a towel. Howard said it's a cool web site. He likes that you can look into rooms there.
Howard said that the local Clear Channel concert rep out in Seattle is telling his affiliate station that they're not going to advertise on Howard's show for the Kid Rock show out there. Howard wondered what he did to Clear Channel that makes his show so bad that they won't even advertise on his show. He said he's taking them to court over the contract he has with them and he's not going to settle this time, he wants them in court. He said that they're a bunch of dead beats and they owe him money for the contracts on those 6 stations the pulled him off of.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy brought up how controlling the FCC is becoming and how it's going to lead to them controlling even the internet. Howard said they also want to start charging for e-mail. Howard said that China doesn't allow their citizens look at the web and that's what's going to happen here in the United States if things keep going the way they're going.
Howard got on Bill O'Reilly's web site (BillOReilly.com) and checked out some of the crap that he's selling on there. He checked out the door mat that he sells and how lame the motto ''The Spin Stops Here'' is. He's got a briefcase with the same saying on it. He read about the lame products that he sells and goofed on them for a few minutes. He's got a license plate frame that he sells for $18.95. Howard said they used to give crap like that away free at radio stations because they'd be thrilled for people to give them free advertising. He spent a couple of minutes on that and then took another commercial break.
Robin was wondering if the band had groupies yet. Artie said he saw Vertigo Blue one time but he was the best looking person there. Howard said Scott's wife was there rocking out that night he was there.
Howard said he's kind of distracted by this guy Richard Huff and the article he wrote about him. He went over what Huff said and why he's depressed that people like Huff don't understand what's going on better than he does. Huff missed the point according to Howard. He said that the conversation he had with Cat Schwartz could eventually turn into a fine for him... or not. He won't know for months. That's why he can't just go back to doing his show the way he used to. Huff tells Howard to just stop whining and do his show. Howard said that he could be fined millions and millions of dollars for that Cat Schwartz interview if someone out there finds something he said to be offensive. He can't fight the fines that they're talking about imposing on broadcasting companies.
Howard said he was going to do a new bit this week called ''The Wheel of Gas'' but he had to put a stop to it. He said that behind the scenes they had a sponsor who was going to put up the money for this game. A couple of women were going to come in and they'd have to get farted on after spinning a wheel. Tom ended up getting hold of the promotion and told them that he spoke to their lawyers and they had to put a stop to it. The lawyers thought that farting is okay but farting in a woman's face was wrong. He said Tom told them that maybe they could fart in a tent and have the woman walk in there. Howard said that's just not funny. That's what this has come down to, he can't even do a farting bit.
Howard said he had a meeting with Mel (Karmazin) on Sunday and told him that he can't do the simplest things on his show anymore. It's not just fart jokes, it's everything. He said that the reason he's ''whinning'' as Richard Huff put it, is because he can't do a show where he talks the way normal people talk. Howard said he doesn't know what the government is asking of him and doesn't know what he can and can't talk about if he doesn't know what their rules are.
Howard said that if Richard Huff doesn't get it then how can he expect anyone in the government to get it. Howard said he wants to do stuff like ''The Wheel of Gas'' but he doesn't know if the government is going to fine them for something like that. He doesn't want to go through this stuff anymore. He went off on Huff again for a couple of minutes.
Tom came in and said that this all has to do with there being no clear standards. He said they have to guess about what's okay and what's not okay. They're trying to find out what the standards are but they don't have any clear cut rules at this point. Tom isn't even sure when the Senate is going to vote on this indecency bill.
Howard wondered why he doesn't just leave now because he just can't do anything on his show anymore. Howard said he's going to wait to see how the senate vote goes before he leaves. He said he just wants to spend the rest of the show refuting the Richard Huff article because he knows that people read The Daily News every day. Tom said that they really do need more voices to speak out about this stuff because if it's just Howard's voice, it's going to ring hollow. Howard said it's remarkable that he's the only one speaking out against this stuff.
The reason he told the story about the Wheel of Gas is to point out how they can't put anything on the air anymore. They're too afraid to do that. Howard thinks that his show could be taken off as early as this week but Tom keeps telling him that they're going to make it to Las Vegas, which is in May.
Howard said that Mel is talking about pre-recording the show and editing it before it goes on the air. Howard doesn't want to do that though and he's ready to bail out if this bill passes. He said that the union he belongs to, AFTRA, isn't backing him up either and they've screwed him over in the past as well. He said the union tells him that there are some people in the union that don't approve of what he does. Tom said that shouldn't matter though because this stuff could affect them some day. They don't get it though.
Howard is down today after seeing that article. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who thinks that people should write to the paper and make Huff print a retraction. Howard didn't sound like he was backing her up on that though. He cut her short and took a call from Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) who seems to think he knows what's going on with the people at the Daily News. He seems to think that they print stuff like that to get Howard to talk about their paper so people will go out and buy it. Howard said maybe he did fall into that trap but the article does damage his battle. He can't ignore stuff like that anymore and he knows that he's dangerously close to losing his show right now.
A listener called in and told Howard to just bail out now and move to satellite radio. Howard said he really shouldn't have to do that. He should be allowed to stay on his station and just keep doing what he does. He had to take another break shortly after that.
After that Howard said he set this guy Raymondo up wrong earlier in the morning. Raymondo was actually calling in to ask if he could come in with a few black women who are supposed to be hotter than any white women they've had on the show. Raymondo owns a modeling agency and he thinks that women of color are hotter than caucasian women that we see on TV these days.
Howard said that Raymondo wants to bring in two some black women and a Latina woman and prove that they're hotter than white women. He said even though the guy sounds insane, he will have him down to the studio to meet these women. Howard was thinking of having Daniel Carver of the KKK as one of the judges. Raymondo said that one of his girls has appeared in Playboy so he does make a little money with his modeling agency. Howard wrapped up the call pretty quick after that and moved on to other stuff.
Howard and the guys spent a little time talking about Wallace after he got off the line. They were trying to figure out how old the guy was. They said he's got to be around 60 but Howard thought that was kind of high. Then Artie reminded him that he's 50 so it's not that far off.
Howard played some music from the band Heart because the guys were talking about how the music doesn't really hold up after all these years. Howard played a couple of clips and had to bail out on them after just a few seconds. There were a few clips that he'd never heard before. He also played some music from Mountain who he thinks should be in the Hall of Fame with other popular bands because their music seems to hold up really well after all of these years.
Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard that Fred's band, King Norris, is opening up for Mountain next week. Fred confirmed that and said that 2 of the 3 guys are still in the band. They spent a minute on that and talked about Prince getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Robin had some clips from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing. Howard played those clips and talked about how seriously these people are taking that Hall of Fame stuff.
Robin wondered why Cleveland was the place for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Howard and Artie told her about the guy who coined the term Rock and Roll and how the city is know as a big rock town.
Howard took a call from an 8th grader who said he was home sick today so he was listening. He told Howard that it's ridiculous that the government is going after him for what he does on the radio when things in school are 10 times worse. The kid said that he knows about drugs and sex but doesn't do any drugs himself. He said that a lot of his friends are already having oral sex and they're in 8th grade. And the government is worried about what Howard is saying on the air. Howard said that the women that come in and strip for him are usually from really religious families so that's obviously not working. He spent a couple of minutes talking to this kid on the phone
The 8th grader told Howard that he lost his girlfriend to a jock kid. Howard told him that his day will come in about 20 years when he has what women are looking for. He spent a couple of minutes with the kid before getting back to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame stuff.
Howard played a clip of Bruce Springsteen talking with this strange Southern accent. Howard didn't get it and wondered where the accent comes from because he's from New Jersey. Artie said there are some guys out in Southern New Jersey who have southern accents for some reason. Howard and Artie goofed on him for a couple of minutes.
Artie mentioned how AC/DC was at the Hall of Fame thing last year and Brian Johnson didn't want to make a speech, he just yelled out how they were going to play some ''Back in Black.'' They played a clip of that while they were talking about all of this stuff. Howard got back to some of this year's Hall of Fame clips after that.
Howard took a call from their former announcer Paul Turner who has an unbelievably deep voice. Howard was doing an impression of him while he was talking to him. Howard had his voice and Robin's voice on a synthesizer so their voices were as deep as his . Artie got in on that as well and had his voice really deep. Paul offered up his services just in case Howard wanted it. They had some fun with that for a couple of minutes. Artie was having a lot of fun and told Paul not to trip on his nuts on his way out.
Howard got back to the clips from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame again. He played clips of Keith Richards and ZZ Top. Howard said that the guys from ZZ Top are scary looking these days. He said it seems like their beard hair is thinning like an old woman's private parts. He had to take a break during that because it had been so long since his last one.
Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) called in and said that he got Richard Huff's cell phone number and called and called until he finally picked up. Janks said he told him that Howard wanted to talk to him on the air but Huff said he doesn't want to waste his time. Howard said these guys will never back up their stance on these things. He said that he could expose this guy for the phony he is if he called in.
Janks told Howard that he made a prank call to CNN but Scott had to bleep it. That led to Howard talking about how if this new indecency bill passes, Janks could possibly be fined for cursing on the air.
Howard played Janks' latest call where he calls in as a police chief from Fresno, California. Janks tells the host a bunch of stuff about a case that was going on and then said they saw this guy yelling out ''F*** the FCC.'' They cut him off but you could still hear Janks talking about Howard's freedom of speech. They finally cut him off as you hear people freaking out in the background.
Howard had more audio clips from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame to play. He played Tom Petty covering a George Harrison song. He also had Prince talking like a human being after years of not saying much of anything.
A girl called in and told Howard that they talk about Howard and Clear Channel in her high school ethics class. She also said that she doesn't understand why Howard doesn't just go ahead and get fined and ''stick by his guns.'' Howard ended up asking her to hand over all of the money that she made working at a CVS Pharmacy store. She said ''Okay'' and she'd do that just to prove a point. Howard told her that he's not going to give up everything he's earned just to ''prove a point'' as she put it. Howard said she can't be that dumb to just keep giving up money to the government for no good reason. Howard told her he didn't have time to talk to retarded kids and hung up on her.
Howard said he's given up enough in his career and he's not going to give up more. He and Robin just laughed at what the girl was saying. Another caller told Howard that he was Christian but he believes that Howard has the right to his freedom of speech. Howard said he doesn't get anyone who believes in any organized religion. He goofed on the guy a little bit but the guy said that this isn't just Howard's freedom of speech that's being taken away, it's everyone's.
Gary came in and said that Zack is in a new band called Seventeen Brothers. He also said he asked him about which one of them was in the mental institution. Zack leaned in and told him that he had some issues but he has dealt with them already.
Howard got back to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame speeches and played some more clips from that. He also took a call from a reporter from the NY Post. She asked Howard if he wants his fans to riot in the streets over what's going on. Howard said that won't help and obviously writing doesn't help either. He said the best way to respond is to vote people out of office and that's what he's going to try and to with Bush this November. He spent a couple of minutes talking to the reporter who thought that his fans should be picketing down in Washington DC. Howard told her that it's not his issue at this point. It's about the entire broadcast industry. He told the reporter to get off her ass and write something about this stuff.
The reporter told Howard that everyone is afraid of the government and their editor is afraid to print some stuff so they can't write articles about all of that. Howard said that he goes home paranoid himself and he wonders were all of these people like Rupert Murdoch are in all of this stuff. No one is standing up for the freedoms in this country that have allowed them to get to where they are. It's the fear according to the reporter. Howard figured that there are people there at the NY Post who are afraid to voice their thoughts on what the President is doing. She said that is true and people are afraid of the government and what they can do.
Howard asked who is in charge of putting all negative letters about him in an article that was recently written. She didn't know and just wanted to defend Howard. Howard said that she'll probably be fired for that phone call.
A woman called in and said she ran into Beth out on the streets yesterday and invited her and Howard to a traditional sabbath dinner on Friday night. Howard goofed on her and said she had to have been kidding. He said he'd rather go to church with Mel Gibson than go to dinner at her house. He took another break shortly after that before Robin started her news.
Howard started off saying that he's still on the air and his boss Mel is defending him saying that he's not indecent (Read it). Howard also had an article by Tom Shales and said that the guy just gets it. He read the article and said that he may post it on his web site HowardStern.com. He said whenever he posts something though, it slows down his web site and they have trouble keeping it up and running.
Howard talked about how ridiculous it is that President Bush doesn't read the newspaper himself. He suggested that John Kerry bring that up in his campaign.
Howard was reading about this guy Martin Block who was one of the first guys to really start playing records during broadcasts. It was something they didn't do back then so it was kind of a new way to do radio. That was the way that records started getting played on the radio and the record industry thought that no one would buy records if they played them on the radio. Howard said that the show got 25 percent of the radio audience back then. It was something new that people didn't believe would work but it revolutionized the radio industry. Howard said that the first advertiser the guy had was a company selling ''Retardo Pills'' which were weight loss gimmick pills. Howard thought it was kind of funny and Artie said he'd kill for an advertiser with a name like that. He had some fun with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard gave the history of that guy Martin Block and said that he was making some good money back then. Howard had to take a break after talking about him for a couple of minutes.
Howard claims that he's getting a lot of mail from conservative Republicans who agree that enough is enough. Howard said that Bush isn't the worst thing in the world but it is time for him to go. Howard had to hang up on the woman he had on the line because she put him on edge and made him nervous for some reason.
Today is Howard's dog's birthday. He spent a short time talking about the dog and how she loves to take a dump in the snow when it snows out. He said that her bowel movements aren't always that firm either. He said he doesn't really have a problem picking up the crap but they are loose sometimes. Artie told Howard that he has seen people pick up their dog's doody and then walk into a deli to order some food. Howard thought Artie was just saying that to be funny but he was serious.
Howard had a guy on the line who was at the grand opening of Scores last night. Howard said it's great that they have a Scores on the West side now because it's more convenient for them. The caller told Howard that the place isn't all that big which surprised him. Ronnie ''Scoresman 92.3'' the Limo Driver came in and told Howard that it's about the same size as the other place but it's laid out differently. Howard said he'd rather no have a big, open club anyway. The caller said he had about $1000 in funny money but the girls weren't coming over to him because the place was so crowded. Howard told him that the best night to go isn't opening night. He suggested that the guy go on Thursday night instead so he can get some chicks to dance for him.
The caller said that some of the girls weren't up to snuff compared to the old club. Ronnie said that they had a lot of girls in from out of town but the girls were hot. Howard said that one of the girls they had on the other day kissed him goodbye and got glitter all over him. He told Ronnie to talk to Lonnie about that and make the girls stop wearing that crap. Ronnie said he had glitter in his beard last night after going to the grand opening. The caller said he stunk like perfume as well and he didn't need glitter. Howard said he understands the perfume and the guy known as The Doctor knows how to get rid of the stink.
The phone caller told Howard he got a gift bag when he left the club and it had a calendar in it. Howard said if he gets a lap dance from one of the girls in the calendar, he'll take it home and pleasure himself to her picture. That led to him talking about his apartment and how people always invite themselves over to his desk to use the phone and stuff like that. He said that he's been really busy lately working on the Robert Schimmel show and his cartoon ''Howard Stern the High School Years.''
Howard told Ronnie that he heard there is a Howard Stern room over at Scores. Ronnie said that might be possible. He told Howard that he has his own Humidor over at the East Side Scores. Ronnie said he has in his will that he wants his eulogy read there at Scores. He was serious too.
Benjy brought his girlfriend to Scores which Howard thought was a bad idea. Benjy told Howard that they have video screens in the bathroom stalls and The Doctor was going to produce some short movies for them to play on them. Ronnie told Howard that Benjy's old girlfriend was at Scores last night as well. Benjy said that she was just a friend, she wasn't his girlfriend. Howard said that Benjy's girlfriend is actually very cute and he doesn't know how he got her. They were wondering if she's mental or something. Benjy said that he's exclusive with this girl and they're still trying to figure things out. Howard cut him off and turned off his microphone when he started to say that things got tough for them when the girls were dancing for him.
Ronnie told Howard that Mike Gange from E! had to run out of the club after getting really loaded. He had to run down the block to puke. Ronnie said that he loved the scene in The Sopranos where Tony was sitting in a diner after going to the Bada Bing club all night and his shirt was open and his hair was standing on end. Gary came in and said that his worst experience was when he was driving home after going to Scores and he had to pick up the kids. He was covered in glitter and perfume so he had to run home and try to scrub up to get rid of the smell.
Howard said he caught a whiff of something from one of the chicks at a club one time. He said he had to leave the club to get some fresh air after that. It wasn't at Scores though.
A listener called in from Florida and said he missed the show as he was driving down from New York. The guy also talked about Bill O'Reilly and how he was saying that 70 percent of the country doesn't like Howard. Howard said he doesn't have any proof of that and also pointed out that Bill thanked him for everything he's done on radio and then he turns around and bad mouths him on his own radio show. Howard said Katie Couric did something like that to him as well. She told him how great his movie was when they were off the air and then slammed him once they got on the air during an interview.
Howard goofed on O'Reilly for a few minutes and said that his days might be numbered as far as his radio show goes. He said he hears the rumors about what's going on with his show.
Howard said that the government is now talking about fining bands for cursing in their songs that air on radio. Howard said that MTV has gotten so freaked out by some of the stuff that's airing in their videos that they're editing a lot of stuff out that shouldn't have to be edited out. There was a 10 year old girl introducing a band in one video where she mentions ''wine'' and they cut it out because they thought a 10 year old shouldn't be talking about wine. The guys said that things are getting ridiculous.
Gary told Howard that Matt Lauer from The Today Show was calling in looking for him the other day. Howard said that Matt snubbed him at a restaurant one time so he wasn't too thrilled with him. He used to work with them years ago but now he only wants to be friendly when he can get Howard for an interview.
Howard said that Jillian Barberie is talking about him just about every day on her show. That led to Howard talking about how hard he'd bang her if he was her boyfriend. He said that he'd bang her so hard that he'd knock the mole off her face. He'd also force her to go to work without cleaning up after having sex just so he could see her a mess on her show.
A listener called in and said there was a great picture of Gwen Stefani in the NY Post this morning. He said that she's really hot in the picture. Howard said she looks great but he doesn't trust pictures anymore because they do so much work on them. Howard ended up giving the guy a $500 prize when the guy asked him for something. He went to commercial break after that.
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Howard will have more information posted at HowardStern.com. He's having some trouble keeping the site up and running so he has to get a new T1 line to accept more traffic. He said that Jeff Schick from IBM told him that it might take a month to get that T1.
Howard played tape of him being mentioned during an episode of The Gilmore Girls. After that he took a call from this guy Michael Carr who was giving him an award from Las Vegas Weekly(Vegas.com) for the Most Popular Radio Host in Las Vegas. Howard said it's a good thing that station isn't a Clear Channel station, otherwise he would have been taken off there. That led to Howard talking about Clear Channel for a short time and how they're screwing him over with his contract with them.
Michael Carr told Howard about the paper he works for and how they have about 60,000 people picking it up each week. Howard wondered if the free paper has ads for hookers and stuff in it. Carr told him that they don't take those ads but they do take ads for strip clubs. Howard said that he loves Vegas and even if he's off the air before he's supposed to go out there to do shows in May, they should still go. He said that he wants to go no matter what.
Yesterday Howard revealed that the Hard Rock Hotel has a pool camera that you can control over the web and it allows you to spin it around and look in the windows of the hotel. He mentioned that again today and said he can't believe he's still doing stuff like that at his age. The guys spent some time talking about what they do when they go to Vegas. Howard then thanked Carr for calling in and awarding him the honor.
A listener called in and told Howard that he might be able to speed up the time to get the T1 line for him. He said it might just take 2 weeks but Howard was hoping to have it today.
Howard had a voice mail from the General Manager from Scores who said he'll be all over the glitter problem they were talking about earlier in the show. He said he hates that more than anyone. Ronnie came in during that and told Howard another story about Jason (from the back office) knocking over some champagne glasses on Brian from E!. Jason came in and said it was an accident. He was a little wasted because it was a party night for him.
Evan was telling Howard about how he just lost an aunt to breast cancer. He was getting kind of upset about it and Howard said it looked like he was going to cry. Fred started playing sad piano music in the background so Evan got pissed and yelled at Artie because he though he was the one doing it.
Evan explained this new ''Fake a Date'' show and how that works. They have a couple of women date a guy and at the end of the show the guy has to pick one. One of the women is married and the other one isn't. The married women try to fool the guy into thinking they're not married. Evan said his part is very easy on the show and it's a cush job for him.
Howard asked Evan if he's been getting a lot of women lately. He said he's doing fine but he hasn't gotten laid this week yet. Gary came in after that Evan has been making so much money after the Joe Millionaire thing that he could almost retire and not have to work anymore. Evan said he invested a lot in real estate and that's working out for him.
Howard wanted to have Evan and Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' compete in a quick general knowledge game. Andrea came in a few seconds later. Howard asked the first question which was ''What does the abbreviation INC. Stand for?'' He got it right with ''Incorporated.'' Andrea was asked what ''FAX'' stands for. Evan knew it but Andrea didn't have a clue.
Howard asked Evan what the square root of 144 was. He didn't know and said he's really bad at math. Andrea guessed that it was 2. Howard then asked Evan what Rosa Parks was famous for. Evan said ''Who the hell is that?'' Andrea said that she was ''the lady who sat in the front of the bus.''
Howard asked Evan what FDNY stands for. He got it right with Fire Department of New York. Howard asked Andrea what 100 percent of 97 was. She struggled with the answer and said she wasn't sure. Evan got it with the correct answer of 97.
Evan won that quick game. Howard asked Evan if he was free tonight to give Andrea some sex. Andrea said that she didn't want to do that though. She said she has to be with someone for a long time before she sleeps with them. Howard asked her if she's still in love with KC. She claims she doesn't know what they're talking about.
Gary came in and told Howard that Evan had to go do some other interviews. Howard wrapped things up with him and let him go. Evan said that he'd rather be there than at some other interview. Howard also gave Andrea a plug for her web site SeeAndrea.com
Howard took some phone calls for Andrea and wondered where KC was in all of this. Gary said he was just sitting in the office listening to this whole thing. KC eventually came in but Andrea wouldn't look at him. Howard said that KC told him that he couldn't date her because she's crazy. Howard told him that he's just as crazy as she is though. They're both on medication for their mental problems. They shared their medication stories. KC is on a anti-seizure medication. Andrea is taking anti-depressants.
Andrea said that she started to get fat when she was taking Prozac. Her father made her stop taking it because she was gaining some weight. Howard asked Andrea if she thinks that there are people in her closet like KC does sometimes. She said she does get scared sometimes and won't leave her room until her father gets home. KC said that everyone in the room is mental. Artie said if they had kids together, the kid would be super crazy.
Howard asked Andrea if she wanted to kiss KC. She said she didn't want to do that today for some reason. Howard wondered how long it would take for KC to get into her bed. She wasn't saying much though.
Shuli called in and asked Andrea what her ideal date would be with KC. She said she's never really been on a ''date.'' She went out with a guy for 6 years but they never really went on a date.
KC asked her what she would do if they went on a date and he got completely wasted and messed his pants. He wondered if she would just leave him there or take him home. She said she couldn't just leave him there, she'd take him home. KC then asked her if she'd get upset if he bad mouthed her after getting really drunk. She said she probably wouldn't care and would just say ''whatever.''
KC told Andrea that he's germ phobic and he might ask her to not talk for the first hour of their date and he'd only allow her to point to what she wants when the waiter asks her what she wants. Howard seemed to think that question was ridiculous though. KC said that Andrea seems to be pretty cool. Howard asked her if the sex is good with her. She said that she dated this one guy for 6 years and just woke up one morning and didn't want him there anymore.
KC said that Andrea is quiet and clean and that's what he likes. Howard told him that she'd be totally into sex and stuff as well. She said that after sex she'd probably want to go to the mall or something. KC asked her if she'd let him hang around her hot friends alone. She said it's no worth worrying about something like that. Howard asked KC if he'd be willing to go out on a real date with her. He said that he is single and Andrea is really nice but he doesn't think he could do it. Howard said he knew what the problem was and asked Andrea if she'd be willing to wear a strap-on in bed with him.
Howard took a few phone calls for Andrea. One guy said that she could do a great cartoon voice. She said she'd like to do that. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked her if she remembers February 14th when she gave him oral. She never did, he was just saying that to get on the air. Artie was having some fun with Andrea goofing on her a little bit. Gary told her that she should come out to Vegas when they go out in May. She could hang with KC out there. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that and went to commercial break.
Howard had Benjy do some research on the people who wrote letters to the NY Post on Saturday. All of the letters were negative so Howard wanted to find out if the letters were real. The person that wrote one of the letters doesn't exist and the town in Florida he was supposedly from doesn't even exist.
Howard's show is being edited like crazy and MTV is going nuts editing out stuff from their shows and videos. It's gotten insane according to Howard. He brought up how they want to start fining recording artists who curse in their songs if they play them on the air. Howard said ''Welcome to George Bush's America...'' after talking about that.
Howard played audio of a report a news channel did about how he and Mel Gibson could change the vote in the country if they keep up with their anti-Bush talk. Howard had to correct the reporter because he said that Howard may have been going after Bush because of what Clear Channel did to him. Howard said that Clear Channel dropped him after he railed against Bush for the week before. Howard said that if he's taken off the air he'll have even more people to vote against Bush. If he doesn't get taken off, he'll work his best to make sure he doesn't get reelected.
Matt Lauer and The Today Show did a hatchet piece on this whole indecency thing. They said that America may have been fed up with ''indecency'' before the Janet Jackson breast incident. They reported that because more people are seeing movies like ''The Passion of the Christ'' and watching ''Joan of Arcadia'' that they're looking for something cleaner. They also quickly mentioned that the nice Jay Leno regularly beats another network's ''more acerbic host.'' It was just a way to get in a plug for an NBC show.
Howard said that these people who think that the country has ''had it'' have no facts backing up their views and their views are weird. A caller mentioned another morning show when he called in. The guy said that this show was going to destroy Howard's show. Howard said they probably will destroy it when he's no longer on the air.
Howard mentioned the ''Win Stuttering John's Job'' contest again. He gave the rules again and told everyone how it was going to work. He and Artie then said they heard from John. Howard got a gift from him and Artie got a phone call. Howard said he didn't write John a thank-you note because he wasn't looking for a Tiffany clock. He said John could keep the clock himself.
Howard said he got some of the songs that Meg Griffin plays on her satellite radio show and they're horrible. He said that Meg likes songs that only 3 people like. She sent over some songs that Howard could use as a protest anthem but they were all awful. Robin wondered if there's anyone who actually listens to that stuff. Howard said ''Meg does.''
Howard said he was begging his girlfriend Beth to give him a lap dance last night but she didn't want to do it. She told him that she's not a Scores dancer. He never got the dance and fell asleep.
Howard got a call from Bob Schimmel's brother the other day and Ryan Seacrest is ripping of Howard and Mike Walker's Gossip Game. They do the same thing on his show so Howard said that's the future of radio right there... Ryan Seacrest. Howard said that he'll do anything they tell him to do over there.
Howard played more of the stuff that Meg Griffin sent over to him. After listening to it for a few seconds Howard said he may have to go to satellite. He was finding it hard to get revved up about anything because he didn't know what anyone was talking about in the songs. Nothing was inspiring Howard. He wrapped up that segment and took another break before Robin started her news.
Artie checked out the picture of Keith's wife and he was impressed as well. The picture was almost 5 years old but he said she still looks good. She just has a little bit of a belly because she's pregnant. He already has a son and a daughter on the way.
Howard told Keith that he's going to do his best to get him a new Commander in Chief by voting Bush out of office. Keith told Howard that they all have to support their commander in chief no matter who it is at the time. Keith shared stories about how he lost a couple of guys in his unit when he fought in the Iraq war 14 years go. He said he loves the military and would give his life for his country.
Keith was telling Howard what kind of shape he's in and how he can run 2 miles in just over 16 minutes. Howard wasn't that impressed and said that he could beat him there. He did tell him that he's a man's man though and wasn't bad mouthing him. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Keith about his wife. He told the guy that he'd keep an eye on his wife for him when he gets shipped out somewhere.
Howard told Keith that Robin was in the Air Force for a while. Keith talked about how tough it is to put a bullet in someone else. He said it's a tough scene out there. Howard asked him about the weapons he's used and what the biggest one was. He said it was a Miklik that they used to clear a lane in a mine field. Howard let the guy sit in and just hang out during Robin's news segment.
Joey Boots called in and told Howard that he served in the service for 6 years. He said that he's one of the guys that is going to vote against Bush this November. Joey told Howard to take care of this guy that was on with him. Artie told Keith that Joey once glued pubic hair to his face to win a prize on the show. Keith seemed to think that was great.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told Keith that he's going to be up in Boston this weekend and invited him to hang out with him. Keith seemed to be honored to have been invited but he didn't say if he'd go or not.
Howard started off the show talking about watching Courtney Love on David Letterman's show. He said he doesn't know why she didn't come on his show, he would have loved to have seen her. He said it was pretty funny. Robin said she's always good on shows like that.
Howard told Robin that Dead Air Dave was on the air all last night because Cabbie wasn't on for some reason. He said that's Dave's reward for editing his show (with the delay button). Cabbie gets that air shift and he doesn't even have to edit his show. Dave told Howard that he was getting reports about Courtney saying that she did a show last night and she hit someone in the head with a mike stand and got arrested. Artie said he wished he'd been at that show.
Howard stayed up last night and watched Survivor and American Idol so he was complaining that he was tired. Artie said he saw that Smallville was also on last night. Robin said it was a rerun though so Howard didn't miss anything new. Artie noticed how hot the girl on Smallville is last night. Howard talked about American Idol and how they stretch out the shows way too long. Howard said he records the show and watches something else so he can just forward through all of the boring stuff. He noticed that Ryan Seacrest gave a subdued ''Seacrest Out!'' at the end of the show because one of the girls was crying after being eliminated.
Howard's girlfriend told him that Ryan was all over TV yesterday being interviewed about all of the shows he's doing. Howard said he's being called the King of all Media even though he's not that successful with all of his stuff. Howard ended up goofing on both Ryan Seacrest and Jay Leno about how lame they are. He went off on Leno about his softball interviews and how he didn't confront Mel Gibson about his Jew-Hating father during a recent interview. He called him a ''stupid, ball-less, lame-assed creep'' during that rant.
Gary came in and told Howard about Courtney Love's show the night before and how she threw her microphone stand out into the crowd and hit someone in the head. The guy that got hit was bleeding and demanded to press charges. She was arrested but she will be out to perform a show tonight for their radio station.
Howard talked about the ridiculous stuff that his show is being censored for. He said that they cut out something that he said about a stripper's ass smelling bad. He also found out why the Senate hasn't voted on this indecency bill yet. They're apparently on vacation. He's just waiting for them to come back and vote on the bill so he can get off the air. Howard said that he's putting up some of the stuff that Dead Air Dave is bleeping from the show on his web site HowardStern.com. He read some of that stuff and can't believe what they're bleeping.
Gary told Howard that Tom has worked to get something back for the show. He went to the lawyers and fought for them to be able to do ''The Wheel of Gas.'' Howard sarcastically said that's just great. Gary told Howard that there are some stipulations about the Wheel of Gas thing but they will get to do it.
Gary said that the Senate comes back from vacation on March 28th so the vote on the indecency bill will be voted on after that. Howard said that he should start scheduling his vacation now. He's hoping that he's off the air by April 1st. He doesn't think they'll make it to May when they're supposed to be going out to Las Vegas to do some shows. Howard seems to believe that they may modify the bill in the Senate but it will still pass. Tom said that no matter what happens, the show is going to Las Vegas. They're going to do shows out there even if Howard is off the air by then. He said they've been promoting this stuff for a while now and they can't back out of doing the shows there
Howard wondered if Nancy Odell was coming in today. Gary told him that she's probably coming in tomorrow so they spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard and Tom spent a couple of minutes talking about Tom's lack of masturbation these days. After talking about that for a couple of minutes Howard went to commercial break.
Howard took a call from a listener who said he heard someone on a Clear Channel radio station talking about how it's time to start bashing Kerry on the air. Howard changed subjects and said that the NY Post does a lot of negative stories about him and then they'll write one that's positive like they did in today's paper. He said they pointed out some of the stuff that Clear Channel does that contradicts what they've done to Howard. They still promote Britney Spears and Chris Rock concerts at their own venues and those shows aren't exactly clean. He also brought up how Clear Channel did not fire Elliot in the morning after he was fined by the FCC even though they have a ''zero tolerance'' policy in effect.
Howard said the weirdest news of the morning is that there's another radio station that's picking them up! He wasn't sure what the name of the station was yet or even if they were on the air yet. He said his agent told them that they might only be on the air a few more days but they still wanted in.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said that Syracuse is happy that he's still on up there. He said it's the only thing that helps him get through the winters up there. Howard talked about how miserable this winter has been. He also talked about how the snow mixed with the St. Patrick's Day parade made for a real mess in New York City yesterday. He and the guys talked about how ugly the green is that people were wearing in the parade. Howard had a dentist appointment yesterday so he ended up walking a couple of blocks because traffic was just stopped all over the place. One woman ended up walking with him yelling that he was Howard Stern as a bunch of other drunk guys were yelling out ''HOWARD!'' Artie told Howard that he was drunk one night and he saw Penny Hardaway out somewhere so he was yelling out ''PENNY!'' over and over. Howard wondered what he wants him to do when he does something like that.
Howard took a call from some guys who were waiting in line for The Apprentice auditions. They had a bunch of stuff to talk to Howard about but he ended up cutting them short so he could move on to other calls. He took one from a guy who couldn't get out his thoughts fast enough. He bailed out on that call as well. The next caller told Howard that he used to be a severe right-wing Christian but he realized how hard core those people are and how they don't believe that they can live with people who don't believe in what they believe in.
Howard read an article about something going on down in Dayton, Tennessee where they want to pass a law that would allow them to charge homosexuals with laws against nature. The caller told Howard that he was with some people who wanted gays to be put to death. Howard said he wasn't surprised by that. He went on to talk about this Senator Brownback who keeps writing letters to his boss Mel Karmazin asking him why he keeps Howard on the air. Howard wants Gary to write Brownback a letter asking him about why he doesn't come clean about how he's receiving housing from a religious group called The Fellowship and how it's a conflict of interest. Howard's not even on in Kansas where Brownback is from. He went off on that douche bag for a minute.
Howard said he had tape of Dorothy Lucy from ''Good Day'' talking about how she thinks that maybe they ''should pull it back a little bit.'' He said he can't believe a broadcaster would say something like that. Howard and the guys talked about how scary the religious freaks are getting these days.
Howard wanted Gary to read off the letter he wanted to be sent to Senator Brownback. Gary didn't have it but Jason had typed it up as Howard was reciting it. He tried to yell it out to Howard but Howard couldn't hear what he was saying so he gave up and went to commercial break.
Howard played tape of some people being interviewed out on the street at the St. Patrick's Day parade. That led the guys talking about how traffic just stops in the city when they have a parade like that going on. Artie said they used to get these green milkshakes and they'd put vodka in them so they could walk around drinking. Howard talked about some of the drinks he's had and how he really enjoys drinking these days.
Howard and Artie talked about the start of the NCAA tournament. Artie told Howard who he'll be betting on. He also talked about how he's lost a lot of bets on basketball. He told one story where he lost about $2000 and had to sell his 1964 Pete Rose card that his father gave him to pay off the bet. That led to Artie talking about his father and how he had to clean out his old man's garage not too long ago and had to move all of his old tools and stuff. That brought back memories of his old man and how he fell off a roof and got paralyzed. Artie said they didn't really even try to sue the owner of the house because there really wasn't a case.
Artie said that his father had started to pay off the mortgage they had on the house when he fell off the roof and broke his back. Then they had to put an addition on the house and take out a second mortgage. Howard wondered why Artie's father put his ladder on a picnic table. He didn't have an answer for that and told Howard about how hard his mother worked to help out with the family after his father was paralyzed. She had to turn him over every couple of hours. He was paralyzed from the neck down so he couldn't turn himself over at all.
Howard changed subjects and said that Sting's wife Trudy was supposed to call in this morning but she wasn't there on time. Gary said she's calling from England so she may be out shopping or something. Howard suggested that they set some rules for guests and if they don't call in on time, they don't let them on the air.
Howard had some audio clips from David Letterman's show from last night. Courtney Love was on and Howard said she was a mess. He doesn't know what's going on with her but he thinks they're going to take her kid away from her. Howard said she was taking her top off for Dave. Courtney was rambling about a lot of stuff. Howard was wondering what was going on there. Robin said she thinks she's just crazy and it's not drugs or booze.
A caller told Howard that Courtney was at a Vines show last night and she looked really drugged up. Howard said he thinks that's just her look though. Howard said she once called him up in the middle of the night and told him that she wanted to give him oral. He said she scares him too much though and he doesn't trust that mouth of hers.
Fred told Howard that they got a lot of e-mail from people who suggested they replace John with that guy. Artie said that he'd love to buy that guy lunch day after day after day.
A woman called in and told Howard that she has been on his show two times. She was evaluated on one show and she came back after that one time. She was trying to tell Howard about how she tried to fix herself up after those shows but Howard cut her off.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard that yesterday's show really was great. He said that he's a disabled veteran himself. He told Howard about that and then said that he wants to enter the ''Win John's Job'' contest. He said making the 90 second tape is tough. Howard told him that he's all for him getting the job, he just has to come up with some tape that's creative. Howard said he doesn't have to be funny, he just has to be creative.
Gary came in and said that he probably would make a good addition to the show even if he can't come up with a song parody or a bit. He'd be great out on the red carpet asking questions or something. Howard told him that he's easily a top ten contestant if he comes up with something creative. Robin told him to just do what he does best and he could get the job. Howard suggested that Chaunce do what he does best and that is doing an interview and getting the facts wrong. He hung up on Chaunce a short time later.
Gary told Howard that Trudy Styler isn't calling in today. She had the wrong number and had to go to another meeting or something like that. Howard quickly changed subjects and pointed out how odd Dave Navarro is. He said he's in a magazine this week dressed in a mini skirt and belly shirt with thigh high boots. He said that he loves Dave and his wife Carmen Electra but maybe he should come out of the closet already. He said that Carmen deserves to be happy.
Michala, the woman who called in earlier about her Playboy evaluation, called back and started to explain why she called in. Howard cut her off again and hung up on her for the second time. He played some clips of Ryan Seacrest doing his tag lines where he says ''Seacrest out!'' and ''Seacrest here'' as he's ending or starting a show.
Howard got back to the tape of Courtney Love and listened to that for a few minutes. Michala called back again and told Howard that she had to get implants herself after Howard refused to give them to her. She said that she wants to get angioplasty on her nose. Howard and Robin goofed on her about that and corrected her before hanging up on her for the third time in a row. Howard went right to break after that.
Howard and Adam talked about some of the guys that do prank calls and how they work that out. Adam said that they get guys who can think on their feet and do their own thing. They give them some premises and let them do their thing.
Howard said that tonight on E! they have the ''Gay or Straight Game.'' That led to Howard and Adam talking about breast implants and how much they cost these days. Howard said he likes that they're still expensive because that way, women will sleep with you if you buy them implants.
Howard brought up John Tesh and what a douche bag he's become. He talked about how he used to be on the show years ago but now he's just making bad music. Howard played some of the songs they used to play and goof on years ago. He said the only place you hear that stuff is in a dentists office or something. Howard read the notes on the album about the songs he composed and how he did them for his wife. Howard sang along to the music and goofed on how awful it is. He was singing about Tesh's unborn child to the song he composed. Adam told Artie that if Tesh sat down with pen and paper, his lyrics wouldn't be far off what Howard was singing.
Howard played a couple of Tesh's other awful compositions after that. Howard said that the reason he brought this guy up was because Tesh was on some show talking about how he's for censorship. He apparently said that he believes that it's like speeding and people are finally getting ''pulled over'' because they've been speeding along for so long. Howard played an audio clip of Tesh talking about that. The woman who introduced him said he's a nationally syndicated talk show host. That was news to Howard, he didn't know that he was on radio. Tesh then talks about how excited he is by this indecency bill and how it's going to put a stop to these shock jocks. Howard and Robin said that he's happy because if all of the good radio shows are taken off the air, people will be forced to listen to his crappy show.
Captain Janks (CaptainJanks.tk) called in with a prank call he did to Tesh about 6 months ago when he was on QVC. He hadn't called in with it until now though. Janks called in as Tesh's wife Connie and called him the Blond Frankenstein. Tesh said that he got that name from a certain DJ out there. Tesh said he's been called that by people while on a float in a parade. Janks said that his music offends him. Howard thanked Janks and hung up on him.
Howard got back to the Tesh tapes and continued to goof on the guy for a few minutes. He played more of his awful music and made up some more lyrics for them. He sang about his unborn child again and sang about how big it's head was and how that's why it died. He said that no woman could pass that giant head vaginally. The size of Tesh's head was the center of Howard's goofing for most of that song. They also mentioned Gil Gerard and Connie Sellica's son and how he has a normal sized head compared to Tesh's kid.
Adam told Howard about his step-dad and how odd that was. He talked about his whole family mess and how his father had to get an apartment on his own while his mother got the house and the step-father. Adam said that his mother and step-father actually still sleep in separate rooms for some reason. He's not even sure why they do that.
Howard's got this guy Will the Farter coming in to try and break the farting record. He says that he can break the current record of 464 farts in 5 minutes. Howard said that if he can beat that record, set by Junior the Farter, then he really is the greatest farter.
Howard told Adam that he can't believe that the FCC isn't going after his show because it's the dirtiest, filthiest show on the air. Adam thanked Howard for that and then said that he gets away with murder on that show because he's so charismatic. Howard said he doesn't get why the FCC thinks it's safe for them to do material like that after 10pm and not between 6 and 10 in the morning when parents should be watching their kids. Adam said that they are in ''Safe Harbor'' which is after 10 o'clock. He said he thinks that the harbor opens up at 5 or 6 in the morning again. They also have a doctor on their show so that makes things okay for some reason.
A caller told Howard that he was in the New York City marathon a couple of years ago and he saw John Tesh pushing people out of his way to finish the race 3 seconds faster than he would have. Howard said he thought there was a song about that and started to sing about Tesh's running. He did that for just a few seconds before taking another break.
Eric gave a little more of his speech and goofed on him a little bit. Eric sounded a little let down by that but Howard and Artie continued to goof on his lame attempt at making a speech. Howard told him to try harder but Eric was tired and couldn't get any more revved up than he was. He tried again but he sounded the same as he did a minute before. The guys were pretending to snore and it just wasn't working. Howard told him to keep working on it and to call back in tomorrow.
Howard told Will that he has 5 minutes to blast out as many farts as he can. They have a counter and a timer so they can keep track of all of this. Will claims that he once had a single fart that lasted for 24 seconds. There was a lot of delay button hits during this discussion so it was kind of hard to follow.
KC asked Will if his farts smell. Will said that the first ones might smell so KC said he might have to wear a mask. Howard had Will blow out a fart to ''clear his throat'' for the event. He farted out a few seconds and stunk up the room. Doug from E! told Howard that it would have counted for about 5 farts but Howard thought it was more like 7. Will then cupped his farts and just moved his hand to differentiate his farts. Doug didn't think that was fair though and those shouldn't count. Will was able to control his sphincter enough that he could just let out a few farts at a time so that's the way he was going to do it.
Howard had Will begin at around 9:10. Doug had his hand on the counter button and Will started to fart up a storm. He was farting over one fart per second so they were adding up quickly. Howard wondered if his pants would be white by the end of this thing. By 2 minutes or so he was up to 142 farts. By 4 minutes 28 seconds he was still just in the 300 fart range. When time ran out he only had 357 farts. He didn't come close to beating the record.
KC said he thought he smelled something and wondered if Will had messed his pants. Will said he was pretty worn out and in pain after that 5 minute attempt. Howard was impressed with Will's control and tone of farts but he just didn't beat that record. Will said that he wanted to try and set a record for the longest fart. He still had enough energy in him to do that.
A listener called in and asked Howard if the guy could dedicate one of his farts to George W. Bush. Will then went on to let out the longest fart he could. It lasted a full 18 seconds. KC ran out of the room during that because it smelled so bad. Will said everything in his pants was just fine. Will said that he has only hurt himself one time doing this farting stuff. He was pushing so hard that something erupted inside and he had made a mess in the toilet. Howard told him he could make one more attempt at setting his longest fart record before he wrapped up the segment. There was a little controversy about when the fart started and when it ended so they had to start it over again. That time he went a full 30 seconds with one fart.
They started to play some John Tesh music and Will farted along to that for a few seconds. Howard and the guys applauded Will the Fart Man's new length record even though he wasn't able to set the most farts record. KC told him that he's got some of the worst smelling farts of any of these guys. KC said that he shouldn't feel ashamed about coming in second.
Howard said he'd like to produce a TV show where they have the best farters in the world. Artie said he'd like to see a reality TV show where a bunch of farters live in the same house for a while. A bunch of phone callers told Howard how great this guy was. Artie asked Will if he's using steroids or something to get so good at farting. People were never this good in the past.
Howard wondered if Comedy Central would buy a fart show like that from him. Junior the Farter called in and said that he's going to kill Will's length record when he comes in for the Wheel of Gas contest. Will had something to say to him and blasted out a nice long fart for him. Junior then blasted out a comeback fart that lasted a few more seconds. Howard then played Dueling Banjos and had Will and Junior fart along to that. Junior seemed to have a little more control than Will did... but Will was good. Adam tried to throw one in but nothing came out.
Howard gave Will a prize of a Wi-Fi PDA and some money for his efforts. Adam threw in a $20 bill for the guy as well. Will said he has a web site that should be up sometime later today. The site will be WillTheFartMan.com and you can e-mail him at either cracklesswonder@willthefartman.com or Will6607@aol.com. Howard went to break after that.
Howard gave Adam a couple of plugs for his radio show ''Love Lines'' and how you can hear all kinds of dirty stuff on his show because it airs in ''safe harbor.'' The guys talked about how there were a lot of women in the office talking about how gross the farting was. Adam told Howard that's why there aren't very many funny women out there. They don't get farts but if they did, they probably have a good sense of humor. Adam told Howard that Jimmy Kimmel farts a lot and Sarah Silverman probably has to put up with that stuff a bit.
Adam talked about those farts that come after a night out with a woman. You go out on a date, spend some time at her apartment making out and stuff all the time holding in your farts. Then you run out to your car and blast one in your car as you're leaving. They got into some detailed discussions that ended up getting the delay hit on them.
Cabbie called in and asked about this ''Win John's Job'' thing they have going on. Cabbie wondered if an employee at the station is eligible for the job. Howard told him that he is eligible and he can enter to win the job. Howard had Robin start her news shortly after that. Adam Carolla hung out during the news.
During the news Howard said that he really might want to be kicked off the air already. He doesn't know why he's fighting this fight because he's been talking about getting off the air for years. Adam even suggested that he kill himself but Howard told him he really doesn't want to do that. Howard thought about writing his own letters to the FCC to secretly report himself to them so he can get himself kicked off the air.
Howard started off the show saying good morning to everyone in the studio... even Benjy. He then said that he was reading in the paper that one of the original MTV VJs is dead at 62. He read the article about his death and how he died as he was driving yesterday. Howard said that Mark Goodman, another MTV VJ, was quoted in the article.
Howard talked about Courtney Love's wacky appearance on David Letterman's show earlier this week. This guy Brian the Board Operator came in and told Howard about her performance at her show last night. He said that it was a train wreck. Howard noticed the facial piercing that Brian had so he spent a minute talking about that. Howard said he's not into the facial piercings but Brian told him that they go good with the tattoos. Howard said he has to get some new ink himself.
Brian told Howard that he has psoriasis as well so he suggested that he work that in somehow and use it as snow or something like that. The guy went on to tell Howard that Courtney's voice was gone after the first song. She also said that she loves Howard Stern even though he's an asshole as she was starting off the show. Courtney was stage diving and got herself passed around the club a couple of times. She apparently thanked the crowd for not groping her. Brian went on to explain the rest of the show and how Courtney was taking her clothes off and making out with people on stage. He said he was a great show even though she wasn't singing that much. He said it was the way a reality TV show should go. Howard said he thought about doing a show with Courtney on E! but they never got back to him. He said Courtney was comfortable with that but E! ended up going with Anna Nicole Smith instead.
Brian was telling Howard about how Courtney came out before the show started and told people if they were planning on getting hurt to just go out and get arrested. He said that she's acting kind of like Axl Rose but she doesn't have a good band to back her up. He said her band just sucked. Howard said Courtney used to call and tell him that she wanted to get an all girl band together and it looks like she's done that.
This guy who was at the Courtney Love show saw David Blaine there so he spoke to him. He said that Blaine said something about the FCC in Howard's favor so Howard suggested that he make the FCC disappear. Brian said he told Blaine that and Blaine just turned around and walked away.
Howard didn't even know who this guy Brian was. It turns out he's been working there for about 4 years and he's one of the board operators there. Howard didn't know that even though he's worked with him on some stuff. Howard also talked about how this guy Chuck Roast, actually Robert Cross the Program Director at his station, always tries to talk to him after the show but he really doesn't want to talk to anyone then. He said he blew him off the other day and he hopes he doesn't think he hates him. That conversation led to the guys talking about Cabbie and how he must love Chuck Roast because he actually gave him his own air shift.
Brian and Howard got back to the Courtney Love stuff and talked about that for a little longer. Brian told Howard that he would have loved the show if he'd been able to go. He said the show didn't start until after midnight though. Brian said that Courtney doesn't look all that bad in the front but her rear looks pretty bad. He said the front was good for a 40 year old. He also told Howard that there was a lot of video taping going on so there's got to be someone out there who can send over some video. Robin said she thought that Courtney's boobs looked real when she whipped them out on David Letterman's show the other night. Howard said he thought they were implants but Robin said they were really saggy.
Howard seems to think that Courtney has an even crazier vibe than a Sam Kinison type. Brian sounded like he was blown away but how entertaining the whole show was with Courtney and her band. He said the band was so bad that they sounded like 3 people playing 4 different songs.
Robin said that there were people from these groups that find everything on TV to be offensive talking about Courtney Love offending them and how if it offends them, it shouldn't be on TV. They spent a minute talking about that. Howard had to take a break after that.
Artie told Howard about all of the other bets he had and how much he was losing. He was down by $3,400 after some of the games were played. Then he bet on another game later in the day and put $3,000 on Seton Hall. He said he was pacing in his bedroom watching that game. He fell asleep and woke up the next morning and found out that Seton Hall won so he's now only down by $400. He sees that as doing good. He said that he's even as far as he's concerned.
Gary told Howard that Jason is betting the opposite of Artie and he's winning a lot of bets these days. Artie loses a lot of the bets he places. Artie was upset that CBS doesn't cover the games enough. He said they should sell off some of the games. The guys told him that they actually do have some of them available on DirecTV. Howard invited him over to watch the games at his place. Artie said he'd be there at noon today.
Mike and Howard talked about the fines and wondered about what's going on there. Mike was wondering if they're just trying to get this stuff done with before the senate passes this new indecency bill. Howard said that he has inside sources at the FCC and he has been hearing stuff that's going on behind the scenes there. The fine that he was slapped with is 3 years old already. When the senate passes this bill they're going to hit him with the big fines. He thinks that the FCC is doing this now so it looks like they're actually doing something. Howard said that he hasn't been fined in the past 10 years and has never paid a fine. Now, all of a sudden, they're fining him like crazy for this stuff.
Mike seems to think that none of this stuff would have happened if Michael Powell was a white man. He seems to think that if a white man had complained about a black woman's breast being flashed during the Super Bowl, people like Al Sharpton would have come out of the woodwork and said that it was racially motivated.
Howard said that he will get George Bush out of office because of all of this stuff. He said that the 18 to 25 year old audience just needs a cause to get them to vote Bush out. Now they have a cause and it's him. He said that they will vote against Bush if they take him off the air. He said if he can stay on the air and state his case, he will get him voted out of office. He went on to talk about Dick Cheney and all of the stuff that he's voted against while in office. He brought up the fact that Cheney hides his gay daughter and a bunch of other stuff. Mike was getting into this as well and saying it's time to get these people out of office. Both of them went off on these guys for a minute.
Howard played a commercial parody about George Bush that was like the Budweiser commercials. It was called ''Bad American President.'' Robin said that Bush's people are in big trouble. Howard said they have links to John Kerry's campaign so his fans can donate some money to his campaign.
A listener called in and told Howard that he tuned into Rush Limbaugh the other day and heard him talking about how even though Clear Channel dropped him in six markets, someone else could pick up the show in those markets. He said Rush was saying that Howard is just using all of that to get some notice.
Howard got back to Mike Walker so they could play his game. Mike didn't mind that they were getting into all of that stuff though. Mike went on to tell Howard that Ryan Seacrest has been playing a Gossip Game very similar to his own. Mike got pissed and wondered if Seacrest is going to do ''Wheel of Homo'' next.
Mike said he has pictures of Courtney Love standing in line at a Wendy's restaurant. They're going to print some of them in the National Enquirer. He described the pictures to Howard and Robin. Courtney had her breast exposed in one picture. There's another picture where a black gentleman is sucking on it and smiling into the camera. He said they're the most bizarre pictures he's ever seen.
Howard moved on to the game after all of that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said that the FCC has just fined him as of yesterday. Now all of these freaks who want Howard off the air are demanding that he be taken off already. People are linking stuff like Courtney Love taking her top off on David Letterman's show to Howard's show. They freak out that Courtney takes her top off and then ask when Howard is going to be taken off.
Howard said this is why he is posting stuff on his web site HowardStern.com. He can say anything there but they have to keep the stuff to a minimum because so many people are visiting the site. He said he and Jeff Schick are working on getting some more bandwidth so they can put more up there. He said that he had an audio clip on the web site of the long fart that Will the Fart Man did that ended up getting the delay hit on it.
Howard played a clip of Jimmy Kimmel playing a clip from the Oprah Winfrey show. Jimmy was trying to make a point playing the clip. Jimmy said that Oprah is the filthiest broadcaster in the country. In the Oprah clip she and her guest talk about what a salad toss is. The delay button was hit on Howard's show though because of what Oprah said. Howard said that the fines he just got hit with are for the exact same thing. Tom came in a minute later and said that he had to dump out of that bit. Howard said this is the problem with all of this crap. Oprah said it on her talk show and he can't play a tape of her talking about it. Howard told Tom that he should have let that clip air. Howard thinks that if he plays it and he gets fined for it, then Oprah will have to be fined for it. Tom said he thinks this would be a violation of the FCC rules and he can't believe that Oprah got that stuff on the air.
Howard said that they could put an end to all of this if they just played this clip of Oprah talking about whatever it was she was talking about. Howard said that the FCC says that any reference to graphic sex like that is against the rules. He said that Oprah should be fined for it and they should play it to find out. He doesn't think that they would fine Oprah Winfrey because all of this nonsense would blow up in the FCC's face. He said that this was played at 4 o'clock in the afternoon on Oprah's show and she is not in safe harbor. He tried to convince Tom that if they fine him then they have to fine Oprah. If they did that then people would go berserk.
Howard told Tom to go call Mel (Karmazin) and ask him if he could play this tape. Tom told Howard to give him 10 minutes and he'd see what he could do. Howard said this is exactly what he's been waiting for. The stuff that Oprah and her guest were talking about is exactly what the FCC fined him for last night. Those fines are from 2001 and people are saying that it was for a ''recent'' broadcast. Robin thought it was ridiculous that these idiots are calling it a recent broadcast.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's a republican and he's going to have to vote against Bush. Howard read some facts about Bush and Dick Cheney and how much nonsense they've gotten into over the years. He pointed out how Dick Cheney was arrested for driving drunk twice. Howard said he'd never get away with something like that. These guys are out of control as far as Howard is concerned. Howard said that he's going to campaign for John Kerry. Robin suggested that they do some fund raisers as well but Howard's not interested in that. He said he might do something like that if they do it at Scores.
Gary told Howard that the new Scores is amazing. He was there last night celebrating his birthday. He said that Lonnie is begging them to have a party over there. He said they have a lot of cool rooms over there and the place is really nice. There's a room over there that's being designed by Ralph. That's the only room that's not done yet. Gary said Ralph was there working on it last night... when all of the girls are there. Gary doesn't know if they're paying Ralph to design the room. He said one of the girls asked him if they are there a lot because they have rooms named after them. Gary said that they're really not there that much. Howard doesn't think that he should have a room named after him or not.
Howard took some phone calls and talked about his teeth cracking lately. He said he's cracked two of them lately and has to have two fake ones put on. He thinks that it's because of the stress he has right now. Robin said that maybe he's grinding his teeth.
Joey Boots called in and said that he's glad that Howard is putting up clips of the segments that are getting the dump button hit on his web site. Howard and Joey talked about the Oprah Winfrey stuff and how they'd never fine her for what she said.
Captain Janks suggested that they put the Oprah clip on the web site and have all of the fans get a transcript of it so they can write to the FCC and demand that she be fined for it. Janks said that he has written to the FCC in the past and they write back saying that they don't find it offensive. Howard told Janks to file a complaint about Ryan Seacrest's show when he said the F-word. Howard told him they probably wouldn't fine him for that. Janks said that the FCC finds what Bono did on an awards show when he said the F-word, to be offensive but they're not going to fine him for it. It doesn't make any sense.
A listener called in and said that he can't believe that someone who gets arrested for a DUI can become President or Vice President. The guy was a cop and in his state you can't even become a cop if you have a DUI.
Tom came back around 8:00 and said that he spoke to their lawyer and he told them that they can't play this Oprah Winfrey clip on the air. Howard said that he's going to post the clip on his web site (by Monday) so all of the fans can grab it, write a transcript, and file a claim with the FCC. He knows that they'll never fine her though. He wanted to make a stand on the air but Tom told him ''No'' and that he couldn't play it on the air.
Howard and Tom argued about this stuff for a few minutes but Tom wouldn't budge on his stance. He refused to let Howard play the clip. Howard said that Tom voted for Bush in the last election and Tom thought Howard did as well. Howard told him that he voted for Gore and told everyone to vote Gore back then. Howard said that he would abide by Tom's ruling and not play the clip.
A listener (Eric J. Greenberg) called in and said that Senator Barney Frank was quoted as saying (at Forward.com)that Howard shouldn't be the one who is gone after with these indecency fines even though Frank voted in favor of the bill. Howard said Frank must have gone to one too many glory holes in his life or something. The caller and Howard talked about John Kerry a little bit as well. Howard said he has been watching Kerry from early on and his people contacted him about doing an interview but Howard decided not to have him on back then before he had heard all of the other guys and what they had to say.
Howard said that he was on Clear Channel for 10 years doing the same show and they were fine with him as long as he supported Bush. Once he started speaking out against Bush, they yanked him off of the six stations they were on. He believes that it is all political and it's obvious. He and the caller talked about that stuff for a couple of minutes. Howard said that our President is nuttier than even Courtney Love.
A listener called in and said that Tom just doesn't get what Howard wants to do. Robin said that Tom is not a fighter and he doesn't want to put his neck on the line for the show. The caller also asked Howard about the uncensored E! show DVD they were working on. Howard told the guy they haven't worked on it since Christmas but if they are taken off the air, he'll have plenty of time to work on it. Jeff the Drunk called in and told Tom to just let Howard play the Oprah tape.
Howard played a voice mail from a guy who said that E! bleeped the word ''Lesbian'' on the show where he interviewed Cat Schwartz the other night. Howard said that E! is going completely insane over there. Gary came in and said that they didn't bleep the word ''Lesbian'' they bleeped ''Lesbos.'' Howard said that he now knows what's going on there. He said he needs to talk to someone over there about that.
A caller told Howard that Rush Limbaugh got so upset with a caller yesterday that he almost went off on him and said that they almost had to ''Howard Stern him'' because he almost went off on the caller. The caller told Howard that Bill O'Reilly did the same thing last night.
Howard read an article about Courtney Love where they brought up some of her bizarre behavior. She's been baring her breasts, throwing a microphone stand into the crowd at her show and some other strange stuff.
Howard got a letter from a guy who spoke to Jesse Ventura about what's going on with Howard and Ventura agrees with him about fighting the FCC. He won't do Howard's show because Howard once snubbed him when he tried to call in. Howard said he didn't even realize Ventura was on the phone that day and he didn't snub him on purpose.
Howard had the latest song parody by Dan the Song Parody Man (SongParodyMan.com). He took Will the Fart Man's farts and put them to the Olympic Game theme. Howard said that Dan is amazing with the song parodies he puts together. He had to take another break after playing that.
Howard said he went and got all of the clips from the Oprah Winfrey show and has Jason transcribing them back in the office. They're going to post all of that on HowardStern.com so he's asking that all of his fans to file complaints to the FCC about the show so they can get that rolling.
Howard said there are some things he wants to read about from the rag mags. He said that Kobe Bryant's accuser is coming out of a cocaine rehab so it probably won't help her case even though someone on coke doesn't deserve to be raped. He also read a story about this guy whose life was saved by the Larry David show. He was at a baseball stadium during a shoot for the show and he was able to defend himself by showing the tape. He was accused of a murder but got off when they found he was at this game and his alibi worked out.
Howard read through a bunch of other stories in the tabloids. David Soul from the old Starsky and Hutch show admitted that he used to be a man whore. He was so broke that he had to sell himself to gay men. Howard read that and it was kind of disturbing. Howard and the guys talked about that article while he was reading it. Soul says that he was never gay though even though he was servicing men according to the article.
Howard also read that Don Adams is dying in an old age home. He said that's really sad because he loved the shows that guy worked on. He read that he's 80 years old and fighting a few illnesses. Artie said he's one of those guys who you hear was always at the Playboy mansion. Howard said that he's suffering from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and refuses to see his friends. The article also said that Adams is very bitter because he believes Hollywood shunned him. Howard pointed out that the guy is 80 though so it's not surprising.
Robin said she heard that Rodney Dangerfield isn't doing all that great either. Howard was sad to hear that because he loves that guy. Artie also loves him and said he was great in the Caddyshack movie. He just saw that movie the other day and said that Dangerfield was great in it.
Howard had a clip of Gilbert Gottfried being asked a question about his show on Hollywood Squares. Howard said that Hollywood Squares was canceled but they're still on the air for some reason. Gary told him that production is done but it airs until May. Howard said it's a good show but they have a lot of lame-os on the show and he could make it a lot better. He suggested doing a ''Manhattan Squares'' with people like Jeff the Drunk as one of the squares.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy was telling Howard not to be such a bitch about this Oprah Winfrey stuff. He said that Howard gets away with plenty of stuff and he should just stop trying to throw her under the bus. Howard hung up on that guy and took another call. The next caller said that he's embarrassed to be an American with all of this stuff going on these days. Howard said he's not embarrassed to be an American, he's embarrassed by his President.
Howard had Gary bring in this guy and the stripper so he could meet them. They weren't ready for the game for some reason. Howard said the stripper was hot and he would like to see her naked. Nikki said that she can be hired through CT-Striptease.com. She's only 18 years old. Howard said she looks like a baby. She just graduated high school last year. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Nikki who said that her parents aren't too thrilled with what she's doing for a living. She said she's not really into girls that much but she does do some stuff for bachelor parties.
Howard said that Nancy Odell was supposed to be in today but she backed out. Gary told Howard he thinks that her people thought that it might not be that good for her to be on with all of the controversy going on about his show.
Howard got back to the stripper and asked her about when she started having sex and stuff like that. She started when she was 14 with a 16 year old. She talked about the outfits she wears when she strips and about the kind of money she can make doing it.
The guy who was going to play against Fred was Jarrett. He and Fred went at each other for a minute. Jarrett was rambling a bit and not making all that much sense so Howard just moved on to the game. He said that Bally Total Fitness is putting up the money for the game today. Jarrett tried to do a Woody Allen impression but the guys were already hating him. Nikki said she didn't know what she was getting into until about 20 minutes before she came in. It was a last minute thing for her. Gary thought that she was too cute to be doing bachelor parties.
Nikki said she didn't blossom until her senior year in high school. She said she lost some weight and got a nose job. She said that she never does the guys from the bachelor parties. She said the guys that come to the strip clubs are usually the guys who can't get any ass. Howard told her that he goes to Scores and he gets plenty of ass. She said that he's Howard Stern though so that's a different story. Howard had to take a break before getting to the game.
Howard sent Fred into Robin's sound proof booth so they could play the game. Jarrett did his horrible Jackie Mason impression for about 3 seconds before Howard cut him off and played the game. Jarrett has to answer as many of the 7 questions as possible in 1 minute. If he beats Fred he wins.
Jarrett also claimed to be better than Fred on guitar so Howard made him go over and play for them. Jarrett said he would play whatever they wanted him to. He jammed for a few seconds and then played something that wasn't recognizable. It was horrible so Howard made him stop. It didn't help that the amplifier was squealing like crazy. He made Scott turn it off because of that. Scott's excuse was that they hadn't used it in a long time, that's why it sounded like crap. Howard told Nikki she looked beautiful and wished Jarrett luck with his personality. He sent them on their way after that and took another break.
Howard took a call from a guy who compared what Howard is going through to what black people have been going through for a long time. Howard and the caller spent a couple of minutes on that and then wanted to just get to the news.
Craig told Howard that there's a big march out in L.A. Today but Howard was pissed off about it already. He said he thinks that Melrose Larry Green may have gotten their Program Director involved out there and now they're using his name to do this march on the federal building today. Howard said he's told them out there that if they want to do something in his name to contact him first. No one told him about this and it's going to turn out to be about 4 people and it'll be embarrassing.
Craig told Howard that things are going well for him and he's going to be doing some work for VH-1 soon. He was on Sex and the City and he's on a Smirnoff commercial that runs all the time. Howard changed subjects and asked Artie if he's going to stop by the new Scores today. Howard told him about this room that Ralph is designing over there. It's the only room over there that isn't done yet so he goofed on Ralph about that for a short time. Ralph just isn't capable of getting anything done on time and now Lonnie from Scores is paying for that. Howard said he loves Ralph but you have to give him years to do something like that. He said he's got sketches and stuff for the room so Craig suggested that they put those up on his web site. Howard told Jason to get a hold of the sketches so they can do that.
Howard said that Ralph is always going out having a good time and it seems that he's figured out his life and he's enjoying it. He said Ralph is a lot happier than he is. Howard had Robin start her news shortly after that quick discussion.
Howard made Craig do some of his impressions during the news because he was saying too much as himself. He had him doing his Al Pacino, Christopher Walken and Adam Sandler impressions. Gass attempted to do his Gary impression but Howard told him to stick to the Pacino instead. Check out Craig's web site IHateComedians.com for more information on where he's appearing.