For the week of 7/14/2003 to 7/18/2003

• The Best Of Stern. 7/14/03.
  Here's the latest batch of friggin reruns. Featured today were Milton Berle, The Jesus Twins, Ed Asner, Ringo Starr and more.
  • Touch Tone Terrorists take a call from an angry woman looking for information about a loan she took out.
  • Howard's Backside Boys sing ''Backside's Back.''
  • Robin brings up a story in the news that leads to Howard and the guys talking about how gay some of the guy's marriage proposals were.
  • Howard interviews Milton Berle. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/30/96.
      88 year old Milton Berle came in for a visit this morning. Uncle Milty brought his wife with him. She's somewhere around 40 years old, 1/2 his age. Milton was in to plug his comedy CD called The Funniest Roasts Of The Century. Howard and Milton talked about everything from Milton's penis size to the good old days in TV back in the '50's. For an 88 year old guy he still sounds like he's with it. He still bosses people around like he knows everything. Gary was telling Howard how Milton yelled at Steve Grillo and Mike Gange just before he came into the studio. Milton likes to have control over everything. He even wanted Gary to introduce him a certain way. Howard also spoke to Milton's wife about the first time she saw Milton's wiener. Howard has always wanted to see Milton's snake but he never gets to. Howard asked but Milton said there was a quarter charge to see it. Howard didn't take him up on that though. If you want to get Milton's CD just dial 888-LAUGH-ON.
  • The Jesus Twins demand to know why Howard isn't putting them on his movie soundtrack album. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/27/97. 9:20am
      This band by the name of The Jesus Twins was outside of Howard's studio this morning yelling at Gary and Steve Grillo. They were wondering why Howard's not putting them on his movie soundtrack album. Howard pointed out that the soundtrack is already being pressed so he can't just put them on the album. These guys said that Howard would be so impressed with the song that he'd stop the presses and add their song to it. Howard agreed to let them in the studio to hear the song. What a mistake that was. As soon as they came in they started yelling at Crackhead Bob to get the hell out of the studio. They did the same to Gary. The one guy who seemed to be the leader of the nightmare kept saying that his band was the best and all others just plain suck. He put down every band that's on Howard's soundtrack. Eventually Howard played some of their song and it SUCKED. It sounded like a bad 1980's Stevie Ray Vaughn song. Their manager, who had a very unique voice, tried to explain why this band was the next big thing. He said that everyone out there is doing grunge and hip-hop. Not these guys. They're doing something that no one else is doing... (that's because no one listens to it anymore idiot). At one point during this fiasco the lead jerk-off got in an argument with Fred. Jerk-off started to make a move to confront Fred but Crackhead Bob saved the day. He held the guy back with his bad arm! Howard never said that he really liked the song but said it was ''an okay song''. I think that was just to get the guys to leave the studio. Once they did leave the studio a call came in from a big wig over at Epic Records. He said that he might be interested in hearing more of their stuff. When the jerk-offs heard the guy on the phone they didn't care. They don't need a record deal with a real company I guess. Let's all remember their name now... The Jesus Twins... because it's sure as hell not going to be a household name anytime soon.
  • Howard tells stories about Artie Lange. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 7/26/01. 8:00am
      Howard killed some time talking to Artie Lange about a bunch of stuff. Howard said he was out at a screening of a movie the other day with Artie and some other friends. Howard had to try and tell one of his female friends who Artie was. He told her that Artie was on the ''Norm'' (Macdonald) show but she had no idea what that was. She also had no idea what ''Mad TV'' was either. Poor Artie is an unknown guy to most people. He's even been in a few movies but they didn't do all that well so he's still an unknown guy.

      Howard had Artie tell a story about how he failed to graduate from high school. Artie said he failed History and Algebra so he had to go to summer school. At the time they started summer school the 40 or so guys that failed were offered a special graduation. Only Artie and his buddy signed up for it though. By the end of summer school they had passing grades so they had to hold this special graduation for them. It turned out to be just Artie, his friend and their two mothers. The principal had to come off of vacation to do the ceremony and Artie said the guy looked really pissed that he had to be there that day.

      Artie also told Howard about his previous drug and gambling problems he had when he was on ''Mad TV'' making $8000 an episode. He was losing money left and right and using coke so much that he was up for days at a time. Artie said the producers of the show and his manager eventually did an intervention and he ended up taking off. He got pulled over by the cops but ended up running and getting caught later when he took a swing at a cop. He had coke on him and an open bottle of Jack Daniels in his car at the time. They took him to jail and cuffed him to a gang member who turned out to be the nicest guy even though he was charged with killing someone. Artie said he lucked out when a Mexican guy recognized him from ''Mad TV'' and told the guards that he was famous. That way he wouldn't be put in the general population of the jail. He was put in his own cell thanks to that kid. Three days in jail and four months of rehab is what it took to get Artie off of coke. A few weeks later he got a call from Norm Macdonald to do the movie ''Dirty Work'' and the rest is history.

  • Howard talks to Ed Asner. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/24/97. 7:05am
      A few years ago Howard talked to Ed Asner about a guy on death row. Ed and some other celebrities were trying to save the guy from the death penalty for some reason. Today Howard talked to Mr. Asner because the guy he was trying to save was killed by lethal injection this week. Howard kind of wanted to rub it in. Mr. Asner seems to think that Howard is evil because he believes in the death penalty. They spoke for a little while about the whole thing but there are so many details about the case that it's hard to keep track.
  • Howard interviews Ringo Starr. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 8/1/01. 8:40am
      Beatles drummer Ringo Starr came in to promote his latest CD ''Anthology So Far.'' Howard spoke to him about living in Monte Carlo and how great his life is right now. Ringo said he lives in an apartment in Monte Carlo because people leave him alone and the tax situation there is very good. There are no taxes for him. He said he can go out and shop without worrying about people coming up and bothering him. Howard wondered how rich Ringo really is. Ringo said ''I'm so rich I'm doing this show...'' He said that because he didn't get the publishing money that Paul McCartney and John Lennon did, he only gets about half the amount of money that Paul does. They still see each other once in a while to talk about releasing Beatles albums and stuff like that. He also has to sit with Yoko Ono since she's got control of John Lennon's part of the whole deal. Howard tried to get Ringo to bad mouth Yoko but he kept his mouth shut. Howard spent a bit of time talking to Ringo about all of the Beatles money and how everyone has been treated. Howard also asked Ringo about the recent story in the news where George Harrison said that he was dying from cancer and he was fine with it. Ringo said that the story wasn't meant for the public to see and any conversation he had with George Martin should have been kept quiet. Ringo also said that Martin had a lot to do with the Beatles success but he should have kept the story to himself.

      During the interview Ringo just wanted to get some plugs in for his album but Vinnie Favale kept asking dumb questions and inserting his own answers like he knew more than Ringo knows about himself. Ringo actually said he doesn't hate anyone but he was quickly learning how to the more Vinnie spoke.

      Howard brought in another big fan of The Beatles, Andre. Andre is the guy who hits the delay button on Howard when he says something that might be considered ''dirty'' by the FCC. Howard was going to have a trivia contest between them but after a couple of questions Ringo was done with it. He just came in to promote his album and that's all he wanted to do. Howard kicked Andre out of the studio and wrapped up the interview a short time later. You can find out more about Ringo and his tour at RingoTour.com

• The Best Of Stern. 7/15/03.
  There's only a few more days left of friggin reruns. Today we heard everyone's favorite ''Strangers on My Flight'' to start things off. After that there were interviews with Tori Spelling, Albert Brooks, Snoop Dogg and more. Details are below.
  • ''Strangers on My Flight'' song parody.
  • Crackhead Bob sings ''Jumpin' Jack Flash.''
  • Howard interviews Tori Spelling. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/17/97. 7:50am
      Tori Spelling came in to plug a movie that she's in called ''The House Of Yes''. It's not a TV movie this time. It's a real movie that will be released next week around the country. Robin saw it and said it was pretty good. Howard spent most of the interview asking Tori about how her day goes. He asked everything from when she wakes up until she goes out after work. He also took some phone calls from nutty listeners. One guy called in and said that he'd skateboard naked around the block just to meet Tori. Howard told him to come down but he never did make it. A couple of other callers brought out the fact that Tori brought her brother to a strip club for his birthday and had a lap dance for herself! Her brother is under age so she didn't want to talk about it too much because she was afraid that her parents would find out about it. Howard said that he was hypnotized by Tori's breasts the whole time she was there.
  • Howard talks to Albert Brooks. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/3/97. 8:20am
      Albert Brooks, star of the new movie ''Mother'', was on the phone this morning. Howard had him on to tell him why he wasn't going to be invited into the studio. Howard explained how he really likes Albert and what a genius he is. Albert thinks the same of Howard pretty much. But the last time Albert was on the E! show the show got horrible ratings. So Howard told Albert that they had to do something a little crazy to keep the ratings up. Howard made the suggestion that they have a naked woman sit on Albert's lap while he's being interviewed. Albert agreed to it! He wants to be on the show so bad that he'll sit there with a naked woman on his lap. I believe that this will be happening sometime next week so stay tuned for more information!
  • Albert Brooks comes in days after his phone call. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/6/97. 7:45am
      Well after last Friday's phone call who expected Albert to actually show up? Howard told him that he needed a naked woman to sit on his lap to bring the ratings of the E! show up to where they should be. Albert agreed to it so Brittany from Scores was in the studio right along side of Albert. Howard brought Brittany in before Albert to coach her a little bit. Howard told her to call Albert "Alan" when he came in just to freak him out a little bit. Albert came in and Brittany did her job. She kept calling him Alan but Albert just played along with the joke. Albert was in to plug his new movie ''Mother'' which will be released nationwide this coming Friday. It's already been released in New York and Los Angeles. Howard decided to take a couple of phone calls to see if people wanted to ask Albert anything. Each call was directed towards Brittany. Guys were asking her how much it would cost for a lap dance and stuff like that. Of course the calls were set up that way just to freak out Albert once again. Brittany showed her breasts once during the interview because things were going a little slow. A little later she showed everyone her ass. Howard said that the interview went pretty well since Brittany only had to show her stuff twice. At the end of the interview Howard had Scott Einziger from E! come in and give his opinion on how things went. He also said that it will make for a good E! show.
  • Howard talks to Richard, a phone caller, who slept with his aunt. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/14/97. 7:15am
      There were a bunch of unusual sex stories being told by callers this morning. One 24 year old guy told a story about sleeping with his 47 year old Aunt. He said she was really good looking but still, that's pretty messed up. (Snipped)
  • Howard interviews Snoop Dogg and Tha Eastsidaz. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 7/31/01. 8:55am
      Rapper Snoop Dogg and his buddies Tha Eastsidaz came in to promote their new album ''Duces N Trayz...Old Fashioned''

      Gary came in and told Howard that the guys were out in the green room with the door shut smokin' some weed before they came in. Howard spoke to the guys about what kind of pot they're into right now and they told him it's called ''Purple'' or something like that. Snoop told Howard that whenever they go to a radio station they smoke to ''mark their territory'' like a dog pissing on a fire hydrant.

      Snoop also talked to Howard about his pimping and how he keeps in touch with his ''bitches'' through the internet also. He said since he can't hit them with his shoe, like he's said in the past, he said he has to hit them with some megahertz instead.

      Howard brought in a drug counselor to see if he could talk to the guys about their pot smoking but it was a pointless conversation. Even the drug counselor knew that he couldn't stop these guys from smoking. He told them that they're looked up to by young kids and maybe they shouldn't be doing it but Snoop made a good point. He told the guy that he's not responsible for raising other people's kids so it ain't his problem. He said he chooses not to smoke in front of his own kids but he knows he won't be able to control them once they get old enough.

      Snoop's 77 year old uncle Junebug was also there. Uncle Junebug said that he smokes pot with Snoop once in a while and he's been smoking since he was about 3 or 4 years old. Snoop said he started when he was about 16 and he didn't like it back then.

      Howard ended up talking to the guys in Tha Eastsidaz about their lives in gangs and in jail among other things. One of the guys has been in a gang since he was 9 years old. A couple of Tha Eastsidaz have been to jail and even been shot so Howard talked to them about that for a little while also. One guy told Howard how he can make a weapon with just about anything. He said he can even make a gun out of a magazine with zippers and buttons as shrapnel.

      Snoop was also promoting his new clothing line that's available in stores now and he's even got sneakers called Fizzles coming out. You can find out about all of that at his web site SnoopDoggRadio.com. You can also visit Eastsidaz.com for more info on those guys.

      Howard played a clip from the new CD and took a couple of quick phone calls as he wrapped up the segment.

  • Howard interviews Brian Walker about his home made rocket. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 6/14/01. 8:50am
      Another strange call Howard took was from this guy who is going to try and shoot himself up 35 miles in his own rocket next year. Howard talked to the guy on the phone to find out how and why he's doing this. Brian told Howard he's had a dream since he was a kid to eventually go up in space. He said he realized when he was young that he didn't have the desire to go through the whole training thing for NASA so he moved on with his life. He became a toy inventer and has done very well for himself. He then decided to build his own full sized, one person, rocket. He's invested a lot of money and a lot of research in this thing. He's read a lot about how things should work and has a lot of the rocket completed. He plans to fly next May. Brian said that he plans on going 35 miles straight up and come right back down. He says he'll parachute back down right to the spot where he took off from. It won't be a long flight. He said he doesn't really need permission from NASA to do this but he will have to get a waiver from the FAA to go up away from commercial jet traffic. He's going to do this out in a deserted section around Nevada somewhere. He said there will probably be some corporate sponsorship when he's ready to go up so it may pay for his investment.

      Howard told Brian he has two words for him... ''JFK Jr.'' Brian just laughed. A phone caller asked Brian if he'd take Nicolino's bra ball with him up there.

      Brian said that he's visited the Russians and they've even brought him up in a fighter jet to 80,000 feet. He thinks he's prepared to do all of this.

      We also found out that Brian met a Russian woman through the internet and he may eventually get together with her. That may change his plans on how many times he'll go up in this rocket of his.

      A former NASA weather forecaster told this guy that the upper-level winds will effect his flight and he may not have planned for that. Brian seems to know what he's talking about and he does have plans for that kind of stuff. If you'd like to check it out for yourself just visit Brian's web site RocketGuy.com.

• The Best Of Stern. 7/16/03.
  Today we heard reruns of a woman with multiple personalities, AJ Benza explaining his behavior, Bill Maher doing a special ''Politically Incorrect'' with Slow Adam, Beetlejuice and Daniel Carver, a guy who thinks he's Jesus, Hank the Dwarf and Beetlejuice fighting and a bunch of Stuttering John interviews. Read the details below.
  • ''The Robin Quivers Vocal Impersonation Institute'' commercial parody.
  • Lenny Kravitz performs ''Let Love Rule'' live at Howard's Birthday show.
  • Howard interviews Jeanne Carpenter who claims to have 3 personalities. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/27/97. 7:50am
      Jeanne Carpenter, author of ''Naked As We Stand'', has 3 personalities and she wrote about them in her book. Howard spoke to her about her personalities while she was on the phone. She didn't get into to much detail about the other 2 personalities because she doesn't know exactly what they do when she's not around. She really didn't reveal anything that great during the interview. Maybe there's more in her book. She said that the book can be ordered from Borders book stores.
  • AJ Benza calls in to explain why he slapped Stuttering John the day before. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 7/25/01. 9:40am
      AJ Benza called in to discuss yesterday's controversy for a few minutes. AJ was still making excuses for his actions and he said he does feel that he was treated poorly by ''one of the family'', Stuttering John. He also feels that the fight was more of a brotherly fight than a co-worker fight because he's so close with everyone on the show. General Manager Tom Chiusano came in and told AJ that his excuses are very self-serving and he can't believe it. AJ said he didn't even want to talk to Tom today so he kept talking over him for some reason. The whole thing was basically just the same argument they all had yesterday. AJ really doesn't dislike anyone on the show but he does seem to feel that he shouldn't have been fired from the show. Even Howard was questioning it at one point even though he was the one who made the final decision. He compared the incident to sporting events when athletes go off on other guys on other teams and just end up being fined. He wondered if AJ should have been suspended and allowed back on the show. That won't happen though because the decision has already been made to ban him from the show. Howard and AJ both said they'll miss each other on the show but they had to do what they had to do. This was all a big deal in New York because it made it to the newspapers according to Howard.
  • Howard asks Fred for advice on going to a therapist. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/14/97. 8:10am
      Howard mentioned that he's thinking of going to see a psychiatrist. This led to a discussion about how messed up everyone on the show is. Fred admitted to going to a psychiatrist for a while. Robin also went to one for about 2 and a half years. Howard asked Fred if he told the psychiatrist that he wasn't coming back or did he just stop going. Fred said that he told him but Howard didn't believe the story. This all led to Fred getting all wound up and freaking out. Howard said something else to Fred to get him really wound up but the delay was hit for some reason. Fred did go nuts though. It was very entertaining to hear him go off like that.
  • Bill Maher comes in to do a very special ''Politically Incorrect'' show. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 7/30/01. 8:05am
      Bill Maher, the host of ABC's ''Politically Incorrect'', came in this morning to hold a special version of his show. Guests included Beetlejuice, Gary the Retard, Daniel Carver of the KKK and Slow Adam. Howard got started with the special right away. He introduced each of the guests and then had Bill toss political questions out to them. He started off with the Mexican Amnesty thing that President Bush is trying to get passed. That got Daniel Carver on a roll about the ''filthy Mexicans'' as he puts it. Bill didn't let it last long as he quickly moved on to talk about Stem Cell Research. Slow Adam didn't know anything about the subject and he let everyone know that. This led to a discussion about abortion, which all of the panelists seemed to be against. Sadly, Daniel Carver was the only one able to make any type of argument against anything in the game. The others just rambled or had no idea what was going on... which was the idea of the whole thing of course.

      Beetlejuice was hilarious as usual just saying things that made no sense at all to anyone.

      Bill asked about President Bush's ''Star Wars'' missile defense and Beetlejuice said he liked that movie. Once again, Daniel Carver was the only one competent enough to answer the question with any type of understanding.

      Howard wrapped up the segment after only 15 minutes. He said that Bill looked more disturbed by the whole thing than he's ever looked before. Howard congratulated all of the guests on the job they did answering the questions. He also let everyone give their plugs. Slow Adam has his own web site at SlowAdam.com. Sal the Stockbroker designed it for him so expect some weird, funny stuff to be there. Stuttering John said the one picture they have there has a caption of ''Slow Adam's Limo'' and it's a picture of a wheelchair. Beetlejuice (JollyDwarf.com) will be in the movie ''Bubble Boy'' which is coming out very soon. Bill Maher is in town shooting a special week's worth of ''Politically Incorrect'' concentrating on the mafia. And last but not least, Daniel Carver said you can get his 80 page catalog by sending $3 to him at:
      Daniel Carver
      PO Box 446
      Oakwood, GA 30566
      

  • Howard talks to Sean who thinks he's Jesus. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 2/3/97. 10:20am
      Just when you think the show is about to end Jesus decides to drop in. This wasn't the same Jesus who has been on the show before. This is a totally new one. This guy says that he's spreading the joy of Jimi Hendrix. He's not out for world peace, he's out to get Jimmy Hendrix played on the radio. Howard wouldn't normally let someone come into the studio so late in the show but Jesus was an exception. Howard said that the guy was about 5'3'' tall wearing a suit. The guys eyes were darting around like he was being followed by someone. When he was asked a question he took his sweet time to give an answer. Howard thought that he might be hearing voices in his head or something. Howard asked the guy what his favorite Hendrix song was. The guy told Howard that it was ''Hear My Train A Coming''. A song that hardly anyone has heard. Stuttering John pulled a Hendrix album so Howard could play it for the guy. Howard played a little bit of it but moved on to the Hendrix remake of Day Tripper. The next thing you know Howard and Jesus are singing Day Tripper. The guy didn't have much else to say. He was a pretty mellow guy... Too mellow.
  • Jerky Boys prank phone call to a car dealer.
  • Howard plays tape of Hank the Dwarf and Beetlejuice fighting. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 7/30/01. 9:35am
      Howard got one last update from Crazy Cabbie down in Maryland before moving on to Hank the Dwarf. Cabbie said that Lysa had described seeing a long black car and a house like the Playboy Mansion in one of her contacts with Chandra Levy. She walked one of the E! crew up the road and pointed out where that vision actually existed on the side of this river. It didn't really mean much of anything to anyone but she had described it before she ever got to the site so who knows.

      Hank the Dwarf and Beetlejuice were both supposed to be in the ''Politically Incorrect'' segment this morning but the two of them got in a fight in the hall. Howard had tape of the argument that went on between the two of them and they both yelled at each other for a few minutes. Hank even ended up using the ''N-word'' as Howard put it. Beetlejuice sounded like he was ready to rip Hank's head off.

      Howard wanted to find out what this was all about so he brought Beetlejuice back in the studio and he was yelling at Gary for some reason. He was still upset about the whole thing. Howard said he thought the two of them were friends but it's obvious now they're not. It seems to be an ego thing. They've both been in movies and they think they're big stars. They may just be jealous of each other or something. Beetle sounded like he was still ready to fight Hank right then and there but Howard wouldn't let that happen.

      Howard eventually found out that Beetlejuice once threw a cake on Hank at a hotel room they were in. The reason he did it wasn't all that clear though. KC said that it all started after Hank insulted Beetlejuice's mother one time but Hank said he never did that.

      As Howard was trying to wrap things up we found out that Beetle is working on a book. When asked what the title is going to be he said something like ''Topigoobie'' or something like that. He said that the book will be out on Wednesday. Comedian Craig Gass goofed on him about that for a couple of minutes doing his ''W.C. Fields/Edward G. Robinson'' impression. Howard had to end all of that fun to take a break so he gave each of them a plug and went to break. You can find out more about the two of them at:

      • Hank - HankTheDwarf.com
      • Beetlejuice - JollyDwarf.com
  • Howard plays tape of Stuttering John interviews. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 9/12/96.
      John was out at The News Documentary Emmy Awards last night and got a few interviews. John caught James Earl Jones, Scott O'Grady, James Lovell, and Al Franken. The first person up was James Earl Jones. First question ''Are you Colon Powell?'' James said that he was trying to lose weight so that maybe he would be mistaken for Colon one day ...next question was something about 'don't you hate it when no-talents like Oprah Winfrey make $98 million and James has to do Yellow Pages ads?' James said that he wouldn't call anyone a no-talent. John stuttered while asking a question and James told him that he was also a stutterer. He said that he admires John. John slipped in a 'ballsacksayswhat?' and James just said ''huh?'' When John asked James if he'd let his kid sleep in a room with Michael Jackson alone James just walked away. Next person up was Senator George McGovern. John's first question ''why do you think all the political candidates suck now?'' Good old George just said he wouldn't put it that way and rambled for a couple of seconds. John asked a couple of other lame questions one of which was ''don't you have anything better to do tonight?'' He just left after that one. Next up: Captain Scott O'Grady who was shot down over Bosnia in the past couple of years. Scott was having fun with this. John's first question was ''Do you really give a crap about the people in Bosnia?'' Scott said that he cares about everybody in this world. Every question after that was funny as hell to Scott. He just started to laugh. Even when John would slip in a 'ballsacksayswhat' Scott was so out of it that he just laughed his ass off. John asked him ''who are you going to vote for, the draft dodger or the old codger?'' Scott just laughed. That got John laughing his ass off and they were both in tears. The guy could barely answer a question anymore. John must have slipped in about 20 'ballsacksayswhat's' during this interview. Great interview but the next one was even better. This was with Captain James Lovell from the real Apollo 13 mission. First question was about Tom Hanks portrayal in the movie. James went over that and said Tom was very good. next question ''would it make you nervous to be in space with a homosexual astronaut?'' Lovell was very serious and said it wouldn't bother him.... question ''how was it the first time you had to go to the bathroom in your space suit?'' this got the Captain kind of confused and he eventually answered it saying that they had a normal bathroom on the ship. Next one...''As a NASA experiment did they ever have you masturbate in space?'' This really confused the old guy and he said ''no no hey wait a second where are we?'' then he mumbled something about ''stern in new york''. That's when he knew that he was in trouble. Then this question.. ''did you ever run off a batch in the capsule?'' this time Lovell just said that he wasn't answering that question. Last question.. ''which astronaut had the biggest sexual organ'' that one chased him away! The last person was Al Franken. This interview was nothing compared to the rest of them! Al answered a few questions about how bad his movie was and about leaving Saturday Night Live, since he was one of the writers on SNL for many many years. What a great collection of interviews.

• The Best Of Stern. 7/17/03.
  Only one more day of friggin reruns after this. Today we heard some interesting stuff like Sugar Ray covering Howard's childhood song ''Psychedelic Bee,'' Sternac the Improbable, Stone Temple Pilots performing live, a Homeless Game, Elephant Boy's gay revelations, Gilbert Gottfried and more. Details are below.
  • ''Sofa King'' commercial parody.
  • Sugar Ray perform ''Psychedelic Bee'' a song that Howard wrote when he was about 9 years old.
  • Howard does a ''Sternac the Improbable'' bit. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/23/97. 8:10am
      Howard did his best Johnny Carson impression by doing Sternac The Improbable this morning. Al Rosenberg came in to play the part of Ed McMahon. Sternac gives the answer first then opens an envelope to reveal the question. Here they are:
      • Potholes - What was Howard Sterns pet name for girls he banged in college by getting them high?
      • A pound of flesh - What did they find in Marv Albert's teeth?
      • Wives, wives and wives - Give three reasons the howard stern show goes to scores.
      • Make room for daddy - What did one of Robin Quivers thighs say to the other?
      • World wide web - What would a spider have to make to cover Oprah's ass?
      • Denver, Colorado - Name an un-missed folk singer and an unimportant state.
      • KKK Mart - Where will Stuttering John work after Howard Stern fires him?
      • Meals on wheels - What do cannibals call christopher reeve?
      • Passed the buck - What did Rosie O'Donnell do an hour after eating a whole deer?
      • Seven Days In Tibet - What would seem shorter than a 5 minute discussion with Fred Norris?
  • Howard interviews the guys from Stone Temple Pilots. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 6/20/01. 8:55am
      Rock band Stone Temple Pilots came in to promote their new album ''Shangri-La Dee Da'' which was released yesterday. They spent a little while talking to Howard about what they've been up to lately before performing a song from the new album. Howard said they'll be performing at the K-Rock Dysfunctional Family Picnic this Friday and he'll be going to see that. He brought up last years DFP concert and how Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit was being a pain in the ass about going on to perform. STP stood their ground and refused to change their scheduled time to go on so there was some controversy there. They said that Fred is a friend of theirs though so they didn't have anything bad to say.

      Howard asked how Scott Weiland's 7 month old baby is doing and of course how his hot wife is. Scott said that's all going great. He's not sure if he's going to have the whole family on tour with him though. He said it's tough to have them all along for the ride because he has so many commitments to promote the shows and stuff that he doesn't have time for the family. Scott said that it's kept him out of the drugs that he was using though. He's staying in shape, dieting and having sex to keep away from the drugs. Howard said Scott looks pretty good these days too. The whole band looks good but Scott said that Dean is staying thin by just using cocaine.

      A bunch of STP fans showed up at the station crying to get in this morning. A couple of the young women that showed up were crying in the hall. When they came in though, they'd stopped because they were in shock. Howard asked one of them if she'd have sex with the band. When she said it wasn't about that, it was about the music, he kicked her out. He did it just to get her to cry. She did end up crying so Howard brought her back in. Scott went over and hugged her to make her feel better. Robin wondered out loud when Howard would be arrested for doing stuff like that.

      A couple of other fans were allowed in including a 20 year old and her 50 year old father. Shannon the intern also came in. As Shannon walked in Gary started to say ''look at the cans...'' but stopped himself. He figured he shouldn't talk like that to a current intern.

      Howard also got to meet Erik the drummer's girlfriend real quick. She was pretty hot according to Howard. He asked them about how they met but they didn't have all that much to say. Howard then moved on and had the band perform their new song ''Days of the Week''. When they were done Robin said the crying girl was crying during their performance. She said it was because she'd never been that close to the band before.

      Howard said the only problem he had with the song was that it was way too short. He said when they were done he wanted it to start over again. He had to wrap things up shortly after that. He took a couple of phone calls, plugged the new album and said that STP will be on MTV's TRL later this afternoon.

      Scott the Engineer had mentioned that he wasn't able to get tickets to the DFP show that STP will be playing at. Howard found that hard to believe. During a break Howard was able to get two tickets from one of the E! crew. Howard talked about how all of the people at the station treat Scott like crap. He works there and he wasn't able to get tickets and that just wasn't right. He said he asked Tom Chiusano's secretary and she told him ''No Tickets'' were available at all. Howard felt bad for him and helped him out. Scott felt really bad because his son really wanted to go. A short time after this came up Tom Chiusano called in and said that Scott was full of it and they never told him he'd never get tickets. Scott and Tom argued for a few minutes until Howard stopped them. Crazy Cabbie also called in and said that Scott was right. He said he's had a tough time with getting tickets before and backed up what Scott was complaining about. Cabbie also announced that he and ''The Cane Show'' are moving to afternoons tomorrow. They used to be on 6-10 but they're moving to the 2-6 time slot. It's a big deal for them and Cabbie said they have something big planned when they broadcast from the MTV store tomorrow.

  • Howard plays a game to give away a signed Aerosmith guitar. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/30/97. 9:10am
      Howard had an autographed Les Paul guitar to give away this morning so he played the homeless game. This is where he gets a listener on the phone and plays tape of a homeless guy answering questions. If the caller guesses correctly at whether or not the homeless guy answers correctly he can win the guitar. He has to get 3 out of 5 guesses correct. Here are the 5 questions and answers:

      Question	Caller	Answer	Correct?
      How many sides does a rectangle have?	Y	Maybe 3..	Incorrect
      Finish this famous quote ''Give me liberty or give me...''	N	Hope	Incorrect
      What country was Hitler from?	N	Germany	Correct
      What country was Napoleon from?	N	England	Incorrect
      What is frozen water called?	Y	Ice	Correct

      As you can see the caller got 3 out of the 5 correct so he won the guitar. After that contest there were still more questions to play so Howard and the gang were betting on the outcome. Here are the questions and answers for those:

      Question	Answer	Correct?
      Where was J.F.K. Shot?	Florida	Incorrect
      Name 2 of the Beatles.	Paul and ?	Correct
      How many kids is triplets?	Two	Incorrect
      Who is Batman's sidekick?	Robin	Correct
      How many hours are in a day?	24	Correct

      The betting was crazy so I couldn't tell you who won the most but Robin ended up coming out even after losing quite a bit. As Howard pointed out, they should have known how dumb the guy would be because at the beginning of the questioning he said that he can't read.
  • Howard plays tape of Fred the Elephant Boy looking for bi-sexual couples. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/10/97. 7:40am
      Today was a big day for Elephant Boy! What started out as a simple thing turned into a big deal. Elephant Boy was coming down with his girlfriend from Cleveland and a friend of hers. The friend was supposed to be hooking up with Crackhead Bob. When they got there the girl said that she didn't really want to date Bob, she just wanted a free meal out of the deal. That was just the beginning. Howard had tape of Elephant Boy leaving a message on one of those personal ads where you call in and leave a message for the person you want to date. The surprising thing was that Elephant Boy was looking for a ''...couple in their 30's or 40's where the man is Bi(-sexual)...''! At first he said that he was just messing around goofing on the sex line but he quickly admitted to have had sexual encounters with men in his past and that he's actually Bi-Sexual himself!!! He said that his new year's resolution is to always tell Howard the truth... maybe this is too much truth! The whole Crackhead Bob thing was just about forgotten once Elephant Boy let this loose. EB made the message while he and his girlfriend were broken up so it wasn't really a goof. He was horny and he needed some sex. When Howard questioned Elephant Boy about who in the studio he's attracted to the most he said that Fred (Eric) is the best one. Fred couldn't look at Elephant Boy once he heard that. Elephant Boy said that he'd never act on that feeling but it's there. Everyone has wondered why Elephant Boy enjoys pro wrestling so damn much.. now you have the answer! Howard asked EB if he'd ever used his mouth on another man, he said yes. Jackie stated his ''OH OH'' stuff when he heard that. Elephant Boy then said that he just wants to tell the truth. This story should definitely win an F-Emmy this year. Getting back to Crackhead Bob... This woman that Elephant Boy brought along didn't even know what Bob looked like before she came down. She was quite surprised once he came into the studio. Her eyes apparently rolled back in her head when she saw him. Bob said that he didn't want to go out with this women since he knows that the relationship wouldn't have a chance in hell of going anywhere. Eventually he agreed to double date with Elephant Boy and his girlfriend. They're supposed to go to an S&M club tonight. That would be a hell of a sight!
  • A woman calls in to tell Howard how rude Gilbert Gottfried was to her one time. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 3-21-96. Early this morning a woman called in to complain about Gilbert. According to the woman, Gilbert goofed on the fact that her parents were in a concentration camp. She said that Gilbert was invited over to, movie director, Amy Heckerling's house for dinner. Amy has directed Fast Times At Ridgemont High and Clueless. Gilbert wouldn't pay for a cab so Amy's assistant went and picked him up. During the ride the woman was talking about being a German Jew and brought up the fact that her parents were in a concentration camp and when they got out they weighed 80 pounds. Gilbert, being the comedian that he is, asked her how he could go on a diet to lose weight like they did. He also talked dirty to the director's 10 year old daughter and said things that couldn't be repeated on the phone. After hearing a bit of this story, Howard got Gilbert on the phone to verify the story. It turned out to be totally true. Gilbert continued his jokes about the holocaust while this woman was on the phone. The woman said that she went home and cried that night because of all the things that Gilbert said. Gilbert also verified the fact that the woman looks like Howard! Yuck! Gilbert has to be one of the top 5 guests on the show. Every time that he's on there are tons of laughs.
  • Howard talks to a woman who thinks that celebrities are invading her privacy through her mind.
  • Howard takes a call from a college woman who wrote an article about his show and ends up lecturing her on her writing style..

• The Best Of Stern. 7/18/03.
  Finally, the last day of reruns for a while. Howard and the crew return live next Monday. Today we heard the great ''Booey Maguire'' song parody, coverage from Howard's 43rd (1997) birthday show, Stuttering John interviewing guys at a Louis Farakan rally, a mental woman talking about what 666 means, Tommy Lee talking about his porn home video and Jeff Levy trying to get vomited on. The details are below.
  • ''The Psycho Friends Network'' commercial parody.
  • ''Booey Maguire'' song parody.
  • Howard talks to Jay Leno during his big birthday show. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/13/97. 6:00am - 7:00am
      Today was the big Howard Stern Birthday show live from the Sony Music Studio's in Manhattan. This was the most expensive birthday show that Howard has ever had. Robin told Howard that it cost around $80,000! Howard started off the morning by saying that he spent the weekend out in California doing a music video with Porno For Pyros! That song will be the first one released off of the movie soundtrack album for Private Parts. He didn't get into much detail about his weekend since he had the big b'day show to keep him busy. The first guest to call into the show was Jay Leno. This seems to be Jay's normal time slot for calling in on the birthday show. Howard wound up just about begging Jay to go on his show to promote the movie. Jay was still upset about the last appearance that Howard made on his show. Eventually Howard got Jay to agree to let him on the show but it wasn't exactly the birthday gift that Howard was looking for. Howard announced some of the people visiting out in the audience. The guy with the world's largest feet was there, so was the tallest woman in the world.
  • Howard talks to Chris Rock during his birthday show. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/13/97.
      During this hour Beck came in and performed a couple of songs. Howard talked with him for a little while. Comedian Chris Rock also came in and hung out for a few minutes.
  • Howard talks to Morton Downey Jr., Norm MacDonald as Bob Dole and Sylvester Stallone during his birthday show. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 1/13/97.
      (Snipped) One guest was a big surprise... Morton Downey Jr.! Howard hasn't talked to Morton since Howard and the gang bet on when Morton would die after having part of a lung removed. Morton seemed to be over everything, at least for one day.

      Bob Dole (Norm MacDonald) came in to wish Howard a happy birthday. Sylvester Stallone called in. (Snipped)

  • Howard plays tape of Stuttering John interviewing people at a Louis Farakan rally. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/17/96.
      Yesterday Stuttering John was out at the Million Man March Reunion, day of atonement or whatever the hell it was called. He was interviewing the people at the rally. Howard spent most of the morning playing the tapes of the interviews. It seemed like he was interviewing a lot of black people, I can't imagine why.. John was asking questions about OJ and why the blacks hate the Jews. For some reason it always sounds like John picks the stupidest people to interview. That's why some guy called in to complain. He was asking why John didn't interview some of the intelligent people that were at the rally. John doesn't pick the retards out of the crowd. He just picks anyone and the most interesting interviews make it to the air. That's all there is to it. With some of the interviews Howard was guessing how the guy would answer the question. That lasted through a couple of interviews but some of the guys answering the questions would just ramble on and on about nothing so Howard gave up on it.
  • A wacky woman tells Howard the secret of 666. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 6/18/01. 9:50am
      This wacky woman by the name of Sophia (or Sonny) showed up at Howard's station today. She claimed that she could tell him the secret of 666. Howard let her come in but she turned out to be kind of ''mental patient'' like. She was rambling incoherently and it was very disturbing to Howard. He did say that she looked pretty hot wearing a sheer scarf over her breasts. That was until he had her raise up her arms to reveal the hair in her pits. He told her she really needs to shave that area but she said she's comfortable with her body so there's no reason to do that. Howard let her ramble on and on for a little while and then told her that she should seek help. He also guessed that she was on some kind of medication at one point and she's not taking it now. She said she's never been on medication and we shouldn't teach kids to not take drugs if we're just going to put them on medications... blah, blah, blah.

      Howard tried to find out what she knew about this 666 crap but, once again, she just rambled and couldn't form a single thought about it. It got even stranger when Howard took some phone calls. They were just as mental as this girl was. He had to hang up on a couple of them because they were making as much sense as she was.

      Sophia told Howard that she just wanted to have a one on one meeting with him but there was no way he was going for that. Then as Howard was trying to get rid of her she said she really, really needs to meet with Ozzy Osbourne. Howard told her to get back on her medication and then maybe she could get to Ozzy. He told her he couldn't help her out with that.

      KC came in and said that she might be the perfect girl for High Pitch Erik. Howard said that she could come back tomorrow to meet Erik. She then started rambling again about 666. Howard had to have KC drag her out of the studio because she couldn't take the hint that he was done with her.

      During the whole segment Ron Zimmerman was making funny comments about this being like a ''Star Trek'' episode and other stuff. Howard said that Ron just ''fueled the fire'' with the girl and it made her more mental. It was funny but even more disturbing to hear this woman.

  • Howard talks to Tommy Lee about the porn video he shot with Pamela Anderson. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 10/24/97. 8:40am
      Howard talked to Tommy Lee about the home video he recently watched. Howard was amazed by the stolen tape of Tommy Lee and his wife Pamela Lee. The tape was stolen from Pam and Tommy's home not too long ago and now it's made it's way on to the web. The tape was home video shot by Tommy and Pam while doing things together including having sex. Tommy has a huge penis and Howard is very impressed with the size of it. Today he called it ''The eighth wonder of the world''. Howard spent 25 minutes talking to Tommy about the tape and how entertaining it was. Howard thinks that it's wrong to steal something so personal but he couldn't stop watching it. He even told Tommy that he showed it to a couple of guys last night. Tommy said that he couldn't talk much about who stole it or what's being done about it but he's got some people working on it. Tommy is out touring with Motley Crue right now. Pamela will be on the show next week.
  • Jeff Levy wants a woman vomit on him. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 8/2/01. 8:40am
      This guy Jeff Levy who was on the show back in December came back this morning to get vomited on. Jeff gets off when women puke on his naked body. He had his friend Dr. Farber along with him. Dr. Farber used to treat Jeff for his strange fetish but he no longer does. Along with Dr. Farber was his girlfriend Dina who was supposed to puke on Jeff. After trying to talk to these people without much luck finding out much, Howard moved on and tried to get Dina to do her puking. Jeff laid down on the floor and got completely naked and waited for Dina to puke on him. She ended up using a bag of fake vomit that didn't do anything for Jeff but Howard had a backup in place. They had a cross dresser by the name of Danny or ''Danielle'' who was willing to give it a try. Danny tried to puke also but he wasn't able to get anything to come up. Howard was ready to end the whole thing but Jeff kept plugging his e-mail address WomenVomitOnMe@yahoo.com over and over again. Benjy came in and offered to puke on the guy but Jeff said he doesn't get off when guys do it to him. Then, out of nowhere, Danny puked on Jeff and grossed everyone out. The smell was so bad that Howard told KC to get everyone out of the studio or else he'd be throwing up himself. Howard then ended the segment and took a break.