Howard spent a few more minutes talking about his trip to Barbados. He said a black guy came up to him out of nowhere and said he was King of All Black's father. Howard had King of All Blacks on the phone to talk about him. Howard told King that his father is a class act. He said he spoke to King's father for a little while.
Howard said a gang of guys came up to him and started staring at his girlfriend and telling her that they liked her hat. Howard said there were about 7 of them and he told his daughter that he's been beaten up by better black guys than them. He and King of All Blacks got back to talking about his father a little bit. Howard said he wonders if King is putting on an act because his father is such a class act. He and King spent a couple of minutes on that and then got into the Grammy Awards talk.
Howard said he had notes about what he saw on the Grammy's last night. He spent a short time talking about Avril Lavigne and how rude she was being on the red carpet. He said he and Beth went to a Grammy party on Saturday night. He was at the Clive Davis Arista party hanging out with Kid Rock. He said he and Kid Rock tipped a guy to just keep bringing them alcohol. Howard said he got plastered that night. Howard said he had a lot of stories to tell about that party.
After taking a break Howard got back to his Barbados trip. He said he liked the country and would go back again. Robin said she's not interested in that. Howard said his housekeeper is black and she went along with them. He said he noticed that other Barbados women wouldn't even look at her down there. Robin said that's why she won't go down there. Gary came in and said he was down in Florida all week. He also managed to get out of the area before the snow started. Howard asked Gary who shoveled out his driveway while he was away. Gary said he has a guy who comes in to do it for him. Howard said he can't find anyone to do his parent's driveway. Howard said kids won't do it these days like they did years ago. Gary said the guy who does his driveway charges him $60 each time he does it. He said the last guy who did it was about twice as much. Gary and Robin told Howard that you have to get the guys in before winter otherwise they're too booked up to do it.
Howard and the guys talked about the bad fog in the area last night and also about the bad pot holes that are all over the city. Gary and Artie said there's more snow on the way this week too. Howard said the roads were plowed really well while he was gone.
Howard brought up the Rhode Island nightclub fire that happened last week. He said he was amazed that Great White was even still performing. Howard said the lead singer looked ''nasty'' and looked worse than Peter Gabriel. Howard mentioned the Grammy's again and how Gwen Stefani didn't look too bad last night. He said she doesn't have any boobs though and needs some implants.
Howard got back to the discussion about the Grammy party he went to on Saturday night. He said he thinks he got invited because he met Clive Davis on an airplane about 10 years ago. He said he knew he'd be photographed so he wanted to wear something nice. He said Kid Rock might have been wearing a jacket with blue jeans on. Howard said he found some nice clothes to wear and put that together. He said Beth had to get dressed up too but she didn't have anything to wear. She ended up calling Rebecca Romijn-Stamos so she could borrow something nice. Howard said she finally got something that had a plunging neck line. They had a red carpet area at the party as they were walking in. Howard said they took tons of pictures but he doesn't know where they all went. He's only seen one picture of himself in the NY Post this morning. Howard said all of the entertainment shows were there too. He said he went over and talked to them all but none of it ended up on TV. Howard said he spoke to Frenchie, the chick who was kicked off ''American Idol'' for some ridiculous reason, who is now working for Entertainment Tonight. He said one of his old interns, Tara, is working for one of those shows too. She got his attention but then passed off the interview to some guy. Howard said she was the bait that suckered him in.
Howard and the guys talked about how ''beat'' some of the women are looking on those shows. That led to Howard talking about how bad ''Downtown'' Julie Brown looks on that show Stuttering John is on, ''I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!'' Howard and the guys talked about how bad Nikki Ziering and Melissa Rivers look on that show. Howard said he's not giving any attention to ABC right now because he's in the middle of something with them. He won't talk about that though. Howard said he's glad the show John is on isn't doing well. Howard said he's never going to give attention to anything that ABC does. He said his old lawyer is a back stabber.
Robin reminded Howard that ''The Bachelorette'' is on ABC which seemed to be upsetting to him. He and Robin spent a minute talking about that and then got back to the Grammy party he went to.
Howard spent a little while longer talking about this Clive Davis party. He said he had a great seat at the party. He was sitting with Kid Rock, Richie Sambora, Ahmet Ertegun, Ross Zapin and a couple of others. Kid Rock and Richie Sambora were there without their wives. Howard said Kid Rock told him he wasn't able to get a baby sitter so Pam had to stay home with the kids. Howard talked about some of the other people that were there too. Howard said he embraced P. Diddy who was sitting at the table next to him. Howard said P. Diddy came in with Naomi Campbell. Howard said he didn't care about her because there was a really hot black chick sitting next to her. He talked about some of the other people who were there and about some of the stuff P. Diddy was doing. Howard said Naomi was wearing a fur coat and his girlfriend reminded him that she was doing PETA ads like a year ago.
Howard said he ran into Les Moonves there at the party. He said Les was there with his daughter and wife and came running up to him, probably to impress his family. Howard said Bryant Gumble and his wife were there.
Howard mentioned Robin Williams winning ''Best Comedy Album'' last night on the Grammys. He said he then went out and proceeded to be unfunny. Artie and Howard said he felt bad for him because he was so bad. They also talked about Eminem going up with a bunch of black dudes. Howard said he'd love to get like 500 guys to go up on stage with him. He said he'd like to have so many guys up there with him that they'd be falling off the stage.
Gary mentioned a couple of people who looked kind of odd. He said Aretha Franklin and Erykah Badu both looked kind of odd. Howard said he thought Erykah Badu looked hot though. Howard wondered how much Aretha weighs these days. Gary guessed somewhere over 300 pounds. Howard said he thought it was ''American Idol'' host Randy Jackson when he saw her. Gary said Harvey Firestein looked better than Aretha last night. Howard had to take another break after that discussion.
Howard got back to the Grammys and mentioned some of the things they already talked about. He also brought up some stuff that he hadn't talked about. Howard said he thought P. Diddy and Kim Cattrall presenting together was good because a black guy and an older woman who's kind of chubby is something you see on the street every day. Howard mentioned a few other things he found interesting about the award show. Howard and the guys seem to think that Norah Jones will vanish like Christopher Cross did when he won a bunch of Grammys. Howard pointed out how Queen Latifah was putting on her ''street'' persona. He said when she's in a movie she sounds white but last night she was doing her street thing. Howard wondered if Fred Durst ever wears anything but a t-shirt and backwards hat. He said Durst is getting a little old for that look. Howard played a clip of Fred Durst making his anti-war statement. After hearing that Howard said they have to get him on the show to talk about that. He used the term ''in agreeance'' when he was making his statement so Howard and the guys goofed on him about that for a short time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was in Rhode Island near the scene of the night club that burned down. Howard ended up talking about how surprised he was that the band Great White was even still performing. Howard said he heard that the band has already decided to go back out on tour and put the word out that they're looking for a new guitar player since theirs was killed in that fire. Howard said he believes that the club owners had no idea that the band was going to light off pyrotechnics. Howard and the guys were surprised that they can even afford to light off that stuff. Howard said he can't believe the band is going to go back on tour so quick. He said that can't be right. Howard said if Benjy died tomorrow, he'd take at least a day off. Howard said it's also amazing that people have their lawyers there defending each side before they even know what happened.
Gary brought up the story about the 17 year old girl who was given the wrong blood type transplants and ended up dying after getting a second transplant. Gary told Howard the basic story and explained what happened.
Howard got back to his Grammy discussion. He read through his notes and talked about the Dixie Chicks and how the short, fat one seems to be getting bigger guitars to cover herself up while she's performing. He said the next thing you know, she'll be strumming a piano. The guys talked about how good Sheryl Crow looked. Howard mentioned Steve Van Zandt and how he looks like an old Italian woman with that thing on his head. Robin said it pisses her off when they share a microphone too. Howard mentioned the band No Doubt again and how the drummer was wearing a bra. He said that guy must be starved for attention to do something like that. Howard said Dustin Hoffman must have been drunk or high or something when he screwed up his introduction. Howard talked about Simon and Garfunkel's reunion and how good they sounded. Robin said she had clips from that for Howard to play. Howard brought up Kylie Minogue and how she looks like a slut. Howard then played Simon and Garfunkel's ''Sounds of Silence'' performance. Howard said it was like two strangers on stage. He also said he thought they were a little off during that song. Howard then started making up his own lyrics to the song. He was singing it as if Paul Simon was singing the song to Garfunkel and saying that he was riding his coattails again and stuff like that.
Howard played a clip of Dustin Hoffman screwing up Bruce Springsteen's name. He called him ''Bruce Springstreet.'' Howard said none of what Hoffman was saying made any sense. Then he quotes a No Doubt song as he introduced the band. Howard said that was a ''douche chill'' moment.
Howard was wondering what happened to Pink. He said she became ''Pig.'' He said she reminds him of a wife. He said she was cute and then became a pig for some reason.
Gary came in and said that Norah Jones and Ravi Shankar, who are related, didn't know that they were related until about a year ago. Howard and Artie ended up goofing on Shankar and did their Indian accents for a short time. Howard thought it would be funny if Ravi was Crazy Cabbie's real father. Howard joked that his name would be Ravi Cabbie.
Howard brought up a few other people he saw on the Grammys and then Gary told him that he won an award too. The Billboard Monitor award for New York Syndicated radio host of the year was Howard's. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then took a phone call.
A phone caller asked Howard if he saw the Mike Tyson fight. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that. He mentioned the tattoo that Mike got on his face and Robin said he'd just gotten it within a couple of weeks before the fight. She said they weren't even sure he'd be able to fight with the tatoo because it might have been too painful for him. Howard played some clips of Tyson at a press conference for the fight. Howard said it doesn't even matter what he's talking about, just hearing him talk is funny. Tyson talked about his face tattoo and said he's not done with them yet. Artie said he thinks it's the beginning of a horrible end for Tyson.
Howard got back to his Grammy party discussion. He talked about some of the things that went on including him going up and saying hi to Scott Shannon from Z100 in New York. Howard said he's never met the guy before but he figured he'd be a bigger man and say hello to him. Howard said Shannon is a lot older than he thought he was. He also said the guy doesn't look him in the eye while he's talking to him. Howard then wondered why he was talking to the guy. Another guy from Z100 by the name of Cubby Bryant also introduced himself while he was there. Howard said he talked to Kim Cattrell and Melissa Etheridge and her girlfriend. Howard said Melissa is getting pretty big, almost in Rosie O'Donnell territory. Howard said her girlfriend was really hot. The two of them were making out at the party too. Howard talked about the Grammys a little more during this discussion. He brought up Harvey Fierstein and how disturbed he is dressing up as a woman for the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Gary and his son Jackson were on a Nickelodeon show where Jackson threw slime on Gary. Howard asked Gary if there's any TV show he won't do. Gary said they were down at Universal Studios and Jackson got on the show. Gary said the show wasn't set up ahead of time, it happened minutes before. Gary changed subjects and told Howard that their guest, Leah Remini, was there. Gary said she told him that she was out with Marc Anthony last night and didn't get in until 4 in the morning. Howard spent a few minutes talking about a few things and taking some phone calls before taking a break. A phone caller brought up how Howard says he can't watch Carson Daly's show but then he's a guest on the show. Howard explained why that was and how if they had guests on that they liked, they'd never have a guest on, He said they hate everyone.
Howard talked about Artie's nose cyst for a short time with Leah. That led to them talking about Artie's eating during vacation last week. After that Howard said he was banging Beth a lot this past weekend. He said they did it about 7 time just on the weekend alone. When they were down in Barbados they were doing it to. He told Leah that he has a great love live and they've been dating for 3 years now. She seemed to think that was great.
Howard had one more story to tell about his trip to Barbados. He said that his 10 year old daughter Ashley and his girlfriend Beth were out on the beach to get their hair braided. This woman had seen Howard earlier but he wasn't around at the time. She asked Beth if she was a model and Beth said she was. Then the woman asked her which agency her boyfriend was with. She was talking about Howard. He said the woman who was doing the braiding thought that with his hair and physique, he was a model. Robin said there's no way that woman thought he was a model. Howard said his daughter heard it too and she wouldn't lie about something like that. They discussed that for a couple of minutes.
Leah follows the Scientology religion so Howard brought that up. He told Leah that he find's all religion's ridiculous so he's not picking on that one because he thinks one is better than that. He discussed that with her for quite a while. He asked her if she gets to hang out with other celebrities that follow Scientology. She seemed a little offended by that and sarcastically said that, yes, she does hang out with all the celebrities.
At one point Howard was talking about something and Artie blurted out ''Yeah, what's wrong with those people?'' and got right back to reading his newspaper. Leah picked up on that and goofed on him. They kept using that phrase over and over again for a few minutes. Leah was complaining about Artie and for some reason they mentioned movies and Artie told her he's in one. He told her he's in ''Old School'' and she didn't believe him. He had to describe the scenes he appears in and she still wasn't sure about it because she's in the movie too. She eventually said after looking at him a little more she believed his story.
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden who was claiming that Leah came on to him but he turned her down. He said she sent him a letter inviting him over. She said she didn't remember it though. Chaunce said it was a wonderful thing that she did and he thinks she's an amazing woman. Howard said Chaunce was saying that he could have banged her but he turned her down. Chaunce said that he has tape of her inviting him to stay at her house out in L.A. if he didn't have a place to stay. After talking about that for a short time Robin and Howard said this is like when Chaunce gets a pat on the back from Howard and then says that he was coming on to him.
Howard talked to Leah about her boyfriend and stuff like that. They talked about what her wedding might be like and ended up goofing on Scientology again. Howard moved on to ask her a bunch of other questions about her sex life and about who she's dated. Leah said her boyfriend has kids already so when she marries him they'll be hers. Robin said she's going to go nuts with those kids because they'll realize that they can get away with murder with her.
Gary ended up asking Leah what a Clay Table represents in Scientology. Leah ended up getting pissed at him and said she already explained it the last time she was on the show. The guys moved on and asked her about her hanging out with Marc Anthony last night. During that discussion they found out that Leah has her own Karaoke machine and loves to sing whatever she has in her house at night. Gary said he could probably come up with something for her to sing along to if she was willing. She didn't want to do that though. They spent a couple more minutes talking about that.
Howard asked Leah if she's ever filmed home porno with this guy she's with. She said she did do that one time and it was brutal. She told Howard how she gave the camera the thumbs up and her guy didn't like that. She also said when she saw herself going up and down she thought they looked like animals.
Howard wrapped things up and let Leah say hi to her sister Elizabeth. She told Howard that she's gorgeous when he asked if she looks as good as her. Howard asked her a few more questions about Marc Anthony and her boyfriend and checked out her stomach before letting her go. Howard told her not to ruin her body by having kids. He and Leah also talked about the Grammy awards for a couple of minutes too. They talked about how nasty Avril Lavigne is to everyone that talks to her. Howard said he saw her with Joan Rivers and she was really angry. He also brought up his Billboard Award win. Leah said that's one more than her show ''King of Queens'' has gotten. Howard told Leah that his favorite part of that Grammy show was Eminem showing up with 50 black guys.
Chaunce Hayden called back before Leah left. He had the tape where Leah apparently came on to him. He played it for everyone and she wasn't coming on to him. He tells her that he's going out to L.A. and she tells him to give them a call. Chaunce tells her that he's not sure where he's going to stay so she says that he can stay over at her place. She was just being nice to him though and you could tell from the tone in her voice. Chaunce didn't seem to get that though. Leah asked him if was on drugs or something. Howard told Leah about how he patted Chaunce on the shoulder one day and Chaunce thought he was coming on to him. Leah said she doesn't need Chaunce and wouldn't have come on to him. Gary said that Chaunce was the one who brought up staying at her house. She wasn't the one who brought it up. Howard ended up hanging up on Chuance a minute later. He took another call from a guy who had questions about the Scientology thing for Leah. He talked about that for a short time and Howard wrapped up the interview right after that.
KC came in and said they have this guy Gay Boy Rick who is doing something for MTV about Eminem because he doesn't like the use of the word ''faggot'' in his songs. KC said the guy just showed up unannounced but Howard let him come in for a short time. Gay Boy Rick told Howard he just wanted to say hi to Howard. Howard had him quickly get to his point. Rick told Howard that sometimes Eminem uses the word in a way where he's calling people idiots but there are also times when he uses it talking about killing gay people and that's where he's wrong.
While he was talking about this Gary chimed in and told Howard to ''gong'' the guy because he was boring. Howard let Rick talk a little more about this special that MTV is doing which he's appearing in called ''Fanography: Eminem.'' He said he told them he's no a fan of Eminem's and he's even written a rap about Eminem where he bashes him. He quoted his own song and gave Howard a couple of the lines. Howard asked him if he was able to talk in a deep voice but Rick didn't seem to care about doing that. Howard started to wrap up the interview but Rick told Howard he has some other gay songs on a CD he brought in with him. Howard said he got his attention and wanted to hear the song. He sings along to ''Walk This Way'' but he just sang over the real song instead of getting a Karaoke version. Howard ended up asking Rick some questions about when he knew he was gay and about some of the stuff he did when he was in school. After a couple minutes of that Howard wrapped up the segment and sent Gay Boy Rick on his way. He said that Rick was wearing a t-shirt that said ''Gay Boy Rick'' on it. Howard said he didn't think it was necessary though. It also said ''Shove it up my A(ss)'' according to Howard.
Howard said there was a guy down there in Barbados who was old and weighed about 200 pounds. He said his bathing suit was tight and they even had a song about him called ''Penis Colada.'' Howard said his 16 year old told him she could handle it. Howard said that's the last thing he wants to hear from his daughter. He said she was just kidding though.
Howard also talked about some of the fat assed women he saw down there. He said there was also an old crow out sunbathing nude and he wanted to puke when he saw that. Gary then came in and said he saw some disturbing looking things when he was down in Florida during vacation. He said there are women who see people like Britney Spears on TV wearing next to nothing and they think they can pull it off, but they can't. He said there area lot of 15, 16 or even 25 year olds who are fat and wear belly shirts. He said he overheard a conversation while waiting in line at one place and this fat chick was using one of those motorized carts for handicapped people. He said the girl was telling her father that if he didn't get one, he'd have to do a lot of walking.
Howard asked Gary what it was like down in Florida with his parents. Gary said they were really good for a change. He said nothing strange happened and they were acting really nice. He said his father is always good, his mother was in a good mood this time. He said he even brought them to Disney World one day.
Ralph called in and said he thinks the fat chicks in belly shirts thing started after Demi Moore was all proud of her pregnancy and showed off her big belly. Gary told the guys about some of the other nasty looking chicks he saw down there. Gary said he remembers being in school and seeing a cool kid wearing a sleeveless shirt so he tried cutting the sleeves off his own shirt. When he put it on and looked in a mirror, he knew it wasn't made for him so he didn't wear it in public. He said women should do the same thing. Gary talked about a couple of other fat, nasty looking women he saw. That led to a discussion about fat chicks like Star Jones. Robin said that woman is so fat that she can barely breath. Howard talked about seeing her down in the Bahamas a couple of years ago and she was stuffing her face with all kinds of food. They talked about some other fat chicks and stuff like that for a couple of minutes.
Howard brought up his night out on Saturday again. He said he met with Ross Zaipin at Mercer Kitchen and he met Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu. Howard said Cameron looked pretty good to him. He said Lucy was very nice to him and spoke to him for a while. He said Cameron wasn't as nice. Lucy was a tiny thing according to Howard. He spent a minute or two on that and then had to take another break.
After the break Howard spent a minute talking about ''I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!'' and how Stuttering John is the only one on the show who seems to have a job. He talked about all of the other celebrities and how they don't seem to work. The only one they figured had a job was Tyson Beckford. The guys talked about how lame the show is and how bad the ratings are for it. Howard said it's ''virtually impossible'' to watch it. That led to the guys talking about ''Survivor'' and how great it is this season. Howard said there's a point in that show but there isn't one in ''I'm a Celebrity...'' Howard had Robin get to her news after that.
Howard said Sharon and Jack Osbourne canceled today's appearance because they thought they were supposed to be in on Wednesday. They'll be in tomorrow. He said he thinks they're going to be promoting this new DVD they have out.
Howard said he thinks he might want to do just one year of satellite radio when his current radio contract is up. He said he'd love to be able to say anything he wants for just that year. Howard said he and Dead Air Dave (the dump button guy) don't even talk to each other in the hallways anymore. He said that he reads what Dave dumps out of and it pisses him off. He said Dave is a nice guy but what he does really sucks. Artie said the guy is really nice too and it's a shame Howard doesn't seem to like him. Howard said OJ Simpson seems like a nice guy when you hang out with him too. Artie told Howard that he, Dave and Scott the Engineer all smoke together. That led to Howard doing an impression of Scott for a few minutes. Gary came in and said he sometimes gets in on that smoking room and hangs out with those guys. Gary said they just stare at each other sometimes. He said there are also some people in the room they don't even talk to. Howard and Fred were both doing the Scott impression at this point. They were taking turns making funny comments.
Howard said he heard that Dead Air Dave was upset because his girlfriend dumped him. Howard said when he heard that he said ''good.'' Howard talked about that for a short time until Dave ended up coming into the studio. Howard told Dave he likes him personally. Dave told Howard he's moving on and he's not depressed like he heard he was. Dave said he says ''Hey Howard'' when he walks past him in the halls but Howard just scowls at him. Howard said that's not true and he does say hi to him, it's Dave who just scowls. Howard found out that Dave was dating an 18 year old. Dave said that he had the right idea at first and he was just banging the chick. Then he fell in love and it ruined everything. Howard said he met a really young woman when he was dating and he ended up breaking it off. Gary asked Howard if he found out the girl was 21 when he was banging her, would he stop banging her. Howard said ''No'' to that question. The guys got back to Dead Air Dave's girlfriend and what happened with them. Howard asked Dave how he met her and found out he met her through the request line there at the station. Dave said the girl had called him for a couple of years so he had to wait until she was old enough to date. Howard said he has dated chicks he's met on the show too. Dave told Howard some more details about the relationship and how it unfolded. Dave said she sent some pictures of herself to him and stuff like that. Dave said she was contacting him from the time she was 15 or so until 18. Howard asked him if he banged her on her 18th birthday. Dave said she never told her parents that she was going out with this older guy. Howard said Dave looks like he's Indian or something. Dave said his parents are both Indian so Howard started doing his Indian accent goofing on them. Howard said Dave looks kind of like that Martin Bashir guy who interviewed Michael Jackson recently. He continued to goof on Dave for a couple of minutes. Dave told a couple of stories about getting into fights and getting hit by a car one time. Howard said he was out shopping yesterday for a hanging chair. He and Beth were trying it out and the woman ended up moving the thing. Howard went to sit in it again and it collapsed on him. Howard said he just laughed after it happened because he wasn't sure how to react. He said Beth just laughed when she saw it too. She told him she checked to make sure he was okay before she laughed but Howard said she just laughed.
Howard got back to Dave's 18 year old ex-girlfriend and asked him more questions about that. Howard was asking Dave if he had a countdown calendar for her 18th birthday. Gary said Howard had one of those for the Olsen Twins but he wasn't able to find it. Howard tried to get more details out of Dave. Dave said he scored with the girl the first night they went out. Howard figures she must have asked Dave about him. Dave said a lot of people ask him if he's ever met Howard. He told Howard a few more details about the relationship before Howard had to take a break. He said she dumped him the same way she met him, by calling him. She blew him off one night and he feared the worst. He though she got killed or something but he got a hold of her roommates and found out she was okay. Howard wondered if Dave was her first. He said she wasn't so Howard asked her what DJ was her first. They started rattling off names of other lame DJs in the area. Howard said that has to hurt losing that young poon tang. Howard said when he was with the 21 year old he finished really fast. He was in his 40's at the time and thought that he'd be better at holding out. Dave told Howard that he took this girl to Miami for Christmas. He also admitted that he let her come up to the station when he was doing his shift to show off. Artie asked him if she ever got to hit the dump button on Howard. Dave started asking if the torture was done yet and just wanted to get out of there. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard came back from break and said last night he was watching all of the entertainment TV shows to see if he was going to be on any of them. Howard said the TV camera isn't kind to him. He said his nose is gigantic at certain angles and his head is skinny and angular. He said his lower teeth look super white even though they're not. Robin brought up the story Howard told yesterday about the woman down in Barbados saying that Howard looked like a model. Howard said he swears she said that but Robin still finds it hard to believe. Howard said maybe if he was on that show (Are You Hot) maybe he could find out how good he looks. He went off on that show for a few seconds saying that it's a rip off of what he's been doing for about 10 years now and said that it's pretty sad that Lorenzo Lamas has to rip of Ralph.
Melrose Larry Green called in with a clip from some TV show where they had video of Howard saying something kind of lame to the interviewer. Howard said his relationship with Beth is going well ''right now.'' Howard said he didn't mean it like it might go bad any day now like it sounded. Howard said he can't believe he's been in a relationship with someone for 3 years now. Melrose was still on the phone but his phone level was really low. He eventually fixed it and spent a few more minutes talking to Howard. He brought up something actor Michael Rappaport did at the Mike Tyson fight this past weekend. Rappaport was doing his wigger thing so Howard listened to that. After hearing that Howard wondered why God bothered making Rappaport white. He said all he wants to be is a black guy. Howard, Artie and Robin picked that clip apart and goofed on Rappaport for a few seconds. Melrose also had tape of Jack Russell of Great White to play for Howard. Howard wondered why his crew can't put together stuff like that and said that he might have to hire him to do a news report every day. Howard said he's interested in hearing that Jack Russell interview. Howard and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking about Great White and the tragedy at the club they played. Melrose played the clip he had of Jack Russell being interviewed about the tragedy. Jack blamed whatever coated the walls at the club for the tragedy. He also said that he couldn't imagine ending his career with that tragedy. He was still looking for his guitar player at the time. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that and then got off the phone with Melrose and took another break.
Shuli asked Howard what happened between Stuttering John and football player Marco Battaglia. Howard said Marco beat John in the race they talked about the week before vacation. Howard said he had the $1000 in his pocket because of it. Howard said Marco beat John so bad that he was running backward in the race and still beat John. Gary said John had him mark out a 40 yard dash to test himself and he ran that in 5.25 seconds. He and Marco competed in a 100 yard dash. John now realizes that he can't play football with pros. He wasn't around today because he's still on that ''I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!'' show. Howard watched the video of the race and described what was going on. KC came in and said that there are junior high football players who can run faster than John.
Howard had a commercial that they played earlier in the show for the WB show ''Smallville'' in which they have Christopher Reeve saying a couple of his lines. Howard played that and goofed on it for a short time. Howard said that when Reeve got in that accident, he was pretty much washed up. Now they're calling him a legend when he appears on ''Smallville.'' Howard wonders if David Hasselhoff had injured himself like that when he crashed his motorcycle recently, would he be a legend in 10 years? Howard and the guys continued to goof on the commercial for a couple of minutes. Howard said those voice guys are usually fat, old guys. Artie said he's been to auditions and all of the guys look like him. Howard replayed the commercial and continued to goof on it. He wound up goofing on Dead Air Dave again. Dave came in again and Howard wanted him to talk up a song for him. Dave wasn't interested in doing that for him though. Howard asked him a few times to do it but Dave didn't want to look like a douche bag. Howard played a Coldplay song and Dave gave a 1 second intro for it. Howard and Dave talked about some of the stuff that's been going on at the station. Howard wondered if they found a replacement for Booker. Dave said he thinks they replaced him with Maze. Howard ended up talking about some of the other wacky DJ names that they've known. It turns out Dave's real first name isn't even Dave. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said Dave asked him to put him on the list for Scores and he proceeded to list about 97 letters. Ronnie said he told Dave he'd just put down ''Dead air Dave'' instead. Howard and Artie then went on to goof on Dave about what his name might be. Dave refused to tell them what his real name is. Dave said his name only has 5 letters in it. He still didn't want to give it up though. Howard and the guys were guessing at what his name might be. Howard asked him if it's Faquir, Mother Faquir. Artie said ''Sheite Head?'' Howard let a bunch of phone callers guess at his name but Dave said they'd never guess it. Howard and the guys continued to take guesses but never did get it.
Howard got back to the ''Smallville'' commercial and continued to replay it. He and Artie were still on the Dead Air Dave thing and were still coming up with wacky names for him. Howard seemed to like ''Humice Pumice.''
Howard played some more Mike Tyson clips. He started playing some of them yesterday but didn't finish. He had a few more to goof on today. Howard and Artie were doing impressions of Tyson and goofing on him for a little while before Howard took another break.
Howard brought up his Barbados trip again and said he was really annoyed with the place he was staying at. He said they had to put him in a temporary room because his suite wasn't ready yet. He then went down to the beach and saw a towel rack so he started to grab a couple. Howard said a guy told him it was his job to do that so he had him hook him up with some chaise lounge chairs and some towels. The guy said there was a waiting list for the chairs so he had to go sit under a chair until a spot comes up. Howard asked for the manager so the guy sent Howard on a wild goose chase. His kids and girlfriend were sitting on the beach while he ran off to find the manager. Howard said he was embarrassed that he wasn't able to pull some weight and get what he wanted. He finally figured he had to throw some money around to get what he wanted. He gave the guy $100 to take care of him. The guy still told him he had to wait under the tree though. Meanwhile, the beach is empty. Howard said he was humiliated and told everyone to just sit in the shade even though the beach was empty. Howard assured them it would be fixed by the next day. Howard said he went back to his room and called his travel agent and complained about the amount of money he had to pay for the trip. By this time he said he was pissed at everything and everyone who ever picked on him when he was growing up or anything like that. He said he explained to his travel agent what was going on and she told him she'd take care of it for him. Howard told the kids that the next day they'd have what they want. He got a call from his travel agent that night and she left a message for him saying he'd have what he wanted. The next day Howard said there were about 50 guys surrounding him apologizing to him. He said he doesn't know what his travel agent told them but they were asking him what they could do for him. Howard wondered what happened to the list after that. He said it was all about intimidation. Robin said that's what goes on in places like that. Howard said he got to sit in the sun but ended up going into the shade anyway. He said he just didn't like being told he couldn't sit in the sun.
Howard said he brought all of the rag magazines with him down there. He said he was reading the Weekly World News, who seem to make up every story, and there was a story about a priest who wants to make Howard a Saint. Howard said that's funny, but who falls for that? Howard talked about another story about him where a guy was in the Amazon and a tribe had a photo of him that they were praying to. Howard went on to read the article about him possibly becoming a Saint. There's a priest by the name of Father Tugman who believes that Howard should be a Saint because he is very tolerant of gays, midgets and stutterers. After reading through some of that Howard was still wondering how anyone could believe the story. There's even a vote going on at WeeklyWorldNews.com. Howard wonders who's writing that stuff too.
Howard changed subjects again and talked about his night out at the Clive Davis party. He said the Backstreet Boys were there and they seem to travel around in a pack. He said N' Sync was also there and Lance Bass wants to come on the show. Howard talked about them for a short time and took some phone calls before taking another break.
Howard brought up the news about the MTV riot that happened yesterday in Times Square. One of the E! guys was down in the area because the E! studios are down there. He came in and told Howard there were possies on every block around the area freestyle rapping everywhere. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that and Howard made some comments about ''black dudes'' that Robin seemed to find kind of racist. He'd made some other comments earlier in the show during his vacation discussion that Robin also felt were very close to being racist. He was talking about the guy on the beach as being a ''black guy'' and some other stuff like that. They went over that for a couple of minutes before Gary came in and changed subjects.
Gary brought up how bad the tipping was when he went on his trip to Florida. He was telling Howard how much he had to tip the baggage handlers when he was at the airport. Howard also talked about how he was tipping a bunch of guys $20 each at the air port and at the hotel. He had a list of guys that he had to tip. He said it doesn't matter how much you save at Priceline(.com) because you spend it all on tips. Howard said he even knows guys who hand out pictures of themselves as tips. He wouldn't say who it is but someone mentioned Artie. Artie said ''No!'' he doesn't do that. Howard said he left the maid $150 at the hotel he stayed at. Artie said he'll leave a five in a room if he makes a mess somewhere.
Howard talked about how Saddam Hussein wants to debate President Bush. Howard and the guys talked about how Hussein probably is better at debating. Howard said the best thing for Bush to do would be to just shoot Hussein at the debate. Howard said our President comes off kind of dopey on TV for some reason. He's a smart guy but it doesn't come off that way when he's on TV.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a waiter. He said that Rosie O'Donnell rang up a big bill at the restaurant and left a blue baseball cap with her name on it there as the tip. Howard said some celebrities are like that. Gary told Howard that Jackie used to be that way and used to tip with a CD and a mug. The guy on the phone kept making more jokes about the Rosie thing. Howard and Gary talked a little bit about the stuff Jackie used to sell for a couple of minutes.
A guy called in and rambled on about Robin and how guys will call her the N-word but they'll want to sleep with her or something like that. No one really knew what he was talking about so he got some woman by the name of Pam on the phone. She said she knew what he was talking about and proceeded to say something that didn't make any sense.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls and one guy brought up all of the crap these natives sell down in Barbados. Howard talked about how it's like a carnival on the beach with all of the stuff the people are selling. Howard said a guy asked him if he wanted to rent a boat. Howard turned him down so the guy went over to his girlfriend and started bugging her to rent one. Howard was trying to tell a story about the beach but the guy on the phone kept talking over him so he had to cut him off. Howard told some other stories about guys trying to sell him stuff down there. There was a guy trying to sell him a painting that looked like something that was paint-by-number. He also said the guys will get kind of pissed and will run their jet skis around you if you don't rent one. Howard and Robin talked about some of the stuff they've experienced down in places like that. Howard also told the guys about how he was intimidated by a guy on the beach. Robin also told a story she read about a woman who was forced to get naked after she got a sun burn so all of these guys could rub her down with stuff.
Howard was about to take a break but he ended up talking about all of the Michael Jackson TV coverage that has been on lately. He said the Maurey Povich thing was really bad. Robin said there were a bunch of different things on last week about Jackson. He and the guys talked about those shows for a couple of minutes before taking another break.
After the break Howard had a song to play for Robin. It was Jennifer Lopez singing ''You Belong to Me.'' Howard said it was like Karaoke and it shows that she's not a great singer. Robin wondered why she put that out. Howard played some ''Jenny From the Block'' because, he says, he's trying to learn the lyrics. He spent a couple of minutes talking about Jennifer for a couple of minutes while he was playing the song. He moved on to talk about Norah Jones and her father Ravi Shankar for a little while. He said the NY Post printed her address and showed where she lives. Howard didn't think that was too cool and said he really should have someone follow around the owner of the paper and tell everyone where he lives. Howard and Artie ended up goofing on Ravi for a short time doing their Indian accents. They goofed on what it must have been like when Norah Jones found out who her father really was. Howard even came up with a song called ''Ravi with a Dot'' that would be to the tune of ''Jenny from the Block.'' He and Artie came up with some of the lyrics and sang the song. Howard also played some more Jennifer Lopez music and goofed on her. They also did a little more goofing on Ravi Shankar before getting to the news. Will, who does research for the show, came in to talk to Howard about the Ravi and Norah story. Howard ended up talking to him about his bad goatee. Howard told him he's not going to get laid with that thing on his face. They also talked to Will about some other things and Howard had her do her news after that.
Howard said he heard that Bill Maher's new TV show is really funny. It airs on HBO. Artie said he heard that the show after his is really good also. Howard went on to talk about Carlos Santana who was interviewed recently and asked if he would ever work with Eminem. Santana said that he won't work with him because Eminem is an ''entertainer'' not a musician. Howard thought that was pretty arrogant of him to say. He and Robin talked about that for a short time. While they were talking about that they mentioned that Santana didn't sing ''Black Magic Woman'' and Fred knew who did. Howard said he never has to look anything up because Fred knows it all. He said he knew a kid when he was growing up that they called ''Encyclopedia Britannica'' because he thought he knew everything.
Howard said they have a big show including Sarah from ''Joe Millionaire,'' Tom Arnold and ''Jet Li'' playing Stump the Booey. The Jet Li is a fake one though, not the real actor. Howard said they have Pat Lalama calling in to talk about Robert Blake and then Sharon and Jack Osbourne will be in. Howard said Insane Clown Posse was going to come in but they don't want to fight with her because she has cancer. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
After the break Howard was cleaning his glasses. He said he got this rag from the eye doctor that does an amazing job of cleaning the glasses. He said he'd like to do an infomercial for that thing because it's so good. Howard wondered if he can clean his apartment with those things.
Howard said when he and Beth went out on Saturday night Beth was wearing this little negligee outfit and a lot of pictures were taken. He was surprised that the pictures he saw in the paper didn't show it. He said he's happy that didn't show up though. He said some people have been asking him if he's had work done on his face lately. He said he's just aging well though. Howard talked about how bad Peter Gabriel looked at the Grammy Awards the other night. Howard ended up talking about the black dude who walked up on stage with the Foo Fighters at the Grammys. He said he wasn't with those guys, he just walked up there and said something like ''There wouldn't be Rock and Roll without B.B. King.'' Dave Grohl just went along with it and said ''I was going to say that.'' as they walked off stage. Howard got back to Peter Gabriel and Robin said she used to really like his look. Now Howard looks better than him. Gary told Howard they got a call from that guy who walked up on stage with the Foo Fighters and they were trying to get him on the phone.
Howard checked out the video that Sarah shot and said she was really hot. She was hog-tied in the video but there's nothing sexual going on. She said she was doing it to pay for law school loans. She has some other stuff going on now. Robin saw her all bound up and seemed pretty surprised by it. Howard said he loved it. Sarah told Howard that she was with a legitimate modeling agency at the time and they hooked her up with the video people. Howard told her he wasn't putting her down for doing it because he liked it.
Sarah wondered why Howard was telling Evan that he could get better looking chicks than they had on the show. Howard told Sarah that she's a good looking girl but Evan is a really good looking guy and he could tell that he wasn't all that interested in those women. Sarah said she's had better looking guys than Evan anyway. Howard said he doesn't believe that. He went on to tell Sarah that Evan said he almost rode away when he rode up on the horse and saw the women that had been picked. Sarah said the whole thing was a set up anyway. No one knew what was going on and what the show was all about. She claims that the producers didn't tell them what it was about until the last minute.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who called Sarah a ''fraud'' because of the foot fetish video. Howard said it is pretty hard core to do a video like that for $500. Howard asked her if she's into any tickling or anything now. She doesn't find that attractive. Melrose had a few other things to say but Howard hung up on him because he was annoying him. Howard took another call from a guy who brought up when Sarah and Evan were in the bushes and there were some ''slurping'' noises coming from them. She said she didn't give him oral like people think. She said all she did was kiss him. Sarah claims that she knew Evan was going to pick Zora from the start of the show. She says that her disappointment when Evan didn't pick her was misunderstood. She claims she wasn't disappointed. Sarah said she ended up losing her job because of the way she was portrayed as being a gold digger on the show. She worked for a very conservative Jewish financial company. Howard took a couple more calls for her and no one had anything nice to say. Howard asked her if they could start tying her up for $500. She didn't want to do that though. Howard took another call from a guy who pretended to be Evan. He said they did get it on in the bushes and he also got it on with the Butler.
Howard read a few more things from Sarah's bio and talked to her about what she's up to now. She said she has a book in the works and also has a design show in the works. Sarah told Howard she feels that the show kind of screwed her over after it was over and she's upset about that. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and started going off on her for what she was saying about not being upset that Evan didn't pick her. She said she's also lying about the oral sex stuff and she did do it. Mariann screeched out a few more things to Howard before getting off the phone. Howard asked Sarah about the oral sex thing and why she didn't get paid to do that show. She said it was a chance to go on vacation for free so she did it.
Gary came in and asked Sarah if Evan felt her up. She said he did try to feel her up but he didn't really. Gary also asked her if he ever rubbed up against him. She said there was a time when he did rub up against her. She said he never felt her private parts over her underpants though.
Howard whipped through a few more questions and asked Sarah if she shaves her private parts. She said she gets waxed but not completely. She also said she has had anal but it was ''accidental.'' Howard also asked her what she weighs and how tall she is. She said she weighs 118 pounds and is 5'6'' tall. Howard said that's a perfect weight for that size. A phone caller asked her why she's willing to pose in a foot fetish video but won't appear in Playboy. She started to give an answer but the guy cut her off. Howard took a few other calls and wrapped up the interview.
When Howard came back from break he said the whole Sarah Kozer thing wreaked of desperation. He said that $500 she made doing the foot fetish video wasn't going to pay her loans. He went on to talk about how FOX just threw those girls to the wolves by not giving them any money after the show was done.
Howard told Tom they had Jet Li coming in this morning. An impersonator came in and Tom was just laughing. Howard played some audio clips of an Asian guy reading some funny lines as Jet Li. He said stuff like ''Tom is a kid toucher.'' and ''Tom say he think Saddam Hussein is sexy.'' The guy also said read some of the lines on his own. There were some lines about Tom having a crush on Gary and stuff like that.
Tom talked a little bit about how DMX was tough to work with because he was always holding up production. He told Howard how DMX demanded to have a dog on the set one time so they went out and got him one. DMX would play with the dog and then go to work. Tom said the guy will play with his radio control cars while other people are shooting their scenes. He said he had a remote controlled helicopter that he was playing with too. Tom said there was one day when they were running down the street and DMX's gun fell out and slid down the street. Tom said the prop guy said ''There's no guns in this scene.'' It must have been his own.
Howard had ''Jet Li'' say a few more lines to Tom. He had a bunch of gay stuff to play.
Howard took a call from a guy who was wondering who Tom was with at the Knicks game last night. Tom said that was his wife. Howard said he saw her too and she's looking great. ''Jet Li'' had a few more lines to say so Howard had him do those. He said stuff like ''Tom Arnold believes in forced abortion for minorities.'' and some other wacky stuff like that.
Howard took a few more phone calls and let some people ask Tom some questions. One guy asked Tom if he ever had a threesome when he was with Roseanne. Tom said when he was with Roseanne, it was like a threesome. Howard alternated between phone calls and ''Jet Li'' comments. He wrapped up the interview after congratulating Tom on getting this part in the movie. He gave him a plug for that and mentioned his show ''The Best Damn Sports Show Period'' that is doing well. ''Jet Li'' also had a few other things to say before the end of the segment.
Howard had ''Stump the Booey'' to get to but he had a lot of e-mail to read. He said he got a lot of e-mail about Stuttering John being beaten by Marco Battaglia. He had some e-mail from a guy who had some thoughts on Howard's view of the war and how Howard pointed out how great this country is just by talking about the snow removal in New York City. There was also some e-mail about Robin being wrong with her thoughts on Howard's ''black guy'' discussion yesterday. A bunch of people wondered what was wrong with her yesterday. Howard also got some negative e-mail about his comments about Christopher Reeve being on ''Smallville'' last night. There was one e-mailer who suggested leaving Stuttering John in the woods. He went through a bunch of other e-mail and got some complaints about his vacation last week. The e-mailer bitched about them taking a week off around the Presidents Day holiday.
Howard said they have a choice of what to watch on TV tonight. They have interviews with Robert Chambers and Robert Blake so they have to choose. Howard said the older folks are probably going with the Blake interview. Howard said he doesn't care what Chambers has to say. Howard said he's seen pictures of Chambers and he looks like Estelle Getty now. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about Robert Blake and then moved on to a few other things. He brought up a couple of news stories and talked about them for a short time. Howard also brought up ''Smallville'' and said he didn't see it last night. Robin said she saw it so she told him a little about it. Howard said it had to be tough for Reeve to do the show because he can only move his pinkie.
Howard said there's a Senator out there who is upset about a reality TV show they're putting on where they're going to put a hillbilly family in a nice area and tape them. Howard played tape of the Senator complaining about it and saying that he's a hillbilly himself. Howard goofed on the guy for a short time and then moved on to ''Stump the Booey.''
Howard said the $5000 prize was courtesy of Showtime. Gary and Cane were playing as one team. Gary said if they win they get to split $500 and see the girls naked. Howard then got to the game. Here are the songs and who got them right and wrong:
Later, during the news, Howard decided to give Victor a trip to Las Vegas he had to give away. It was a trip to Vegas to see a fight. He also gets to sit next to Playboy playmate Penelope Jimenez at the fight. The trip was courtesy of HBO Pay-Per-View.
Howard spent some time talking about Jack's sister Kelly. He had read some stuff about her that he wanted to know more about so he read some stuff from the tabloids. He said he saw Jack out at the Clive Davis party last Saturday and he came up to him and was really cool. He said Kelly seems to be getting a little bratty. He asked Jack if he feels the same way. Jack said he's not in her shoes so he doesn't know what she might be going through.
Howard also saw Jack hanging out with Rod Stewart's daughter Kim at the party on Saturday night. He asked Jack about that and tried to find out if he's felt her up or anything like that. Jack said he hasn't felt her up, they're just friends.
Howard also spoke to Sharon about her cancer and the chemotherapy. She said she did lose some of her hair during the chemotherapy. She said it didn't all fall out at once though, it fell out in small patches. She said it's growing back nicely now. Howard asked Sharon if she has had any work done on herself to make her look so good. He thought she had a nose job but she said she didn't. She said the only thing she did was have her stomach banded so she could lose the weight.
Howard spent a short time talking to Sharon about all of the animals they have in their house crapping all over the carpet. He said he feels bad for Ozzy sometimes when he sees him trying to put the animals outside so they won't crap in there. Sharon said she feels bad for them when they come scratching at the door so she always lets them back in.
Howard talked about this ''The Osbournes - The First Season'' DVD Jack and Sharon were in to promote. The video is uncensored so Howard wondered if it's as funny without the bleeps. Sharon and Jack said that it really isn't as funny without the bleeps. She said there are two versions though so you can get the censored version complete with bleeps. Sharon said they also have new footage on the DVDs. That led to Howard talking to them about another season of the show. Jack said they've already shot 10 episodes for a third season. Sharon said they're not sure if they're going to do another one though. Howard figures that's just so they can negotiate for the new season but Sharon said she's really not sure.
Howard said that Sharon is busy with other stuff too and has a talk show in the works. He said she did a test show and a bunch of celebrities showed up to do that one. He said she had Adam Sandler, Jay Leno, Courtney Love and others. She said they're not going to use that one when the show starts. Howard spent some time talking to Sharon about how he's always been a fan of Ozzy's and wanted to see them on TV before this show came around. He said after seeing this show that Ozzy did called ''Don't Blame Me,'' he was hooked.
Howard asked Sharon and Jack what they think about Kelly's boyfriend. Jack said he really doesn't like the guy. He said that he broke up with Kelly on Valentine's day but they got back together after that. Sharon said she doesn't like him either. She claims she never did. Howard asked her how she reacts around him and she said she tries to be courteous. She told Howard she doesn't think he was trying to jump on the Kelly Bandwagon, he's too dumb for that. Jack said the manager of the guy's band is a good friend of his and it made things kind of weird.
Gary asked Sharon what she thought when Patricia Heaton walked off stage when they were using foul language at the American Music Awards. Sharon said she really didn't know who she was and didn't care that she left. Sharon said ''Wake up woman... don't tell me you've never heard these words before.'' Howard also asked Jack about Fred Durst because he's made some comments about him that aren't so positive. Sharon had some problems with him at a concert and pulled the plug on the band one time. She and Jack told Howard what they think of Fred for a couple of minutes. Howard read a quote from Jack where he says his sister's album isn't his thing but he doesn't want to say anything bad about it. Jack said the album isn't bad, it's actually good.
Howard asked Sharon about Kelly not going to England recently and all of the controversy that surrounded it. Sharon told Howard that Kelly was afraid to go because there were tanks going into Heathrow airport and it freaked her out. She said the record company threatened to drop her after that and Sharon didn't understand how they could do that to a child who was afraid to fly.
Howard noticed a diamond ring on Sharon's hand so he asked her how much it was. Sharon said it was $17,000. She also had a diamond watch that was worth about $75,000. Then Howard saw the 15 carat diamond necklace. Howard guessed at how much it was worth and it eventually came out that it was a $1.5 million necklace! Howard asked her why she isn't afraid to wear something like that. Sharon said it is insured. Howard wondered if her accountant ever tells her to slow down with the spending. Sharon said he tells them that every day but they ignore it. Sharon said she lives life to the fullest. Howard asked Sharon how much she's making on this talk show she's doing but she didn't want to answer that. Howard said people want to hear how much it is. She said it's in the ''Ten million-ish'' area. She joked that it would be all gone by the end of the week.
Howard said he and Ozzy had a discussion one time where they talked about how Sharon has a problem with spending money. He said Ozzy asked him to tell Sharon about it so he agreed to do it. Sharon told Howard that she grew up like that and she did whatever she had to do to make money to pay for her stuff. When she started talking about that Fred played some sad piano music. Sharon seemed to think that was pretty funny. She said money doesn't concern her.
Howard asked Sharon about this raffle that they held at their vow renewal party. Gary said Jack and Sharon gave each other a look when they heard that. Sharon explained to Howard that they were giving away raffle tickets so they could raffle off diamond necklace and earrings at the end of the night. The woman who won was unknown to Sharon. Jack told Howard that a friend of his invited some people and this woman snuck in. Howard said that the woman is going to go to court to get this thing that they denied her because she was probably invited by someone at the party. Sharon told Howard that she didn't get in legitimately though. She snuck in with 3 other people. Howard said that's a good legal question because if someone isn't supposed to be there and they win something, do they really get the gift. Sharon did her impression of this girl and said that she refused to give back the prize because of Sharon's attitude. Sharon claims that they're claiming that Sharon is doing this because she's against the talent agency the girl works for. Sharon said she doesn't even know anyone there and never even heard of it.
Gary asked Sharon about the Pepsi commercial that Ozzy and the kids did for the Super Bowl. Sharon said she didn't have anything to do with that commercial so she didn't get any money from it.
Howard read some stuff about Kelly and her older sister Aimee who doesn't appear on the MTV show. The article Howard read said that Kelly and Aimee don't get along. Sharon said that was just a bad day for Kelly and the two of them are fine with each other. It was just sisters fighting. Howard and Gary talked about their kids and Gary wondered if his kids are going to yell at him like Sharon's do to her. Howard said his daughters have no problem expressing their feelings toward him.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Sharon and Jack. One guy said some nice words to Sharon about her battle with cancer. Vinnie Favale from CBS also called in and asked Sharon if she's having a feud with Bill Maher. He said Bill and Jay Leno said some nasty stuff about the Osbournes and it was pretty mean. Howard said Jay is a phony and only cares about himself. Sharon said Bill Maher is also a hypocrite because he came up to her in a restaurant one time and told her how great the show was. She said all he does is look for young kids to screw and that's what he does best. Vinnie told Howard that he really should see this rant that Maher went on because it was pretty vicious.
A caller asked Sharon if she's going to pay up on her bet with Insane Clown Posse. She made the bet on Howard's show that the band wouldn't sell 200,000 copies of their album. The guys claim they did sell more than that so Sharon owes them $50,000. Sharon said she doesn't think they sold that many and she's not going to pay up. Howard wrapped up the segment and Sharon thanked him for being there for them.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard about some stuff that Howard didn't understand. Howard said this is just a hearing that's coming up today. He said this isn't a trial.
Pat also had some information about tonight's Robert Blake interview that Barbara Walters got. She told Howard that he didn't drop any bombshells during the interview so there's nothing there that will turn the prosecution around. Howard said Blake looks really scary in the video he's seen of him. He said the dye job he used to do was a good idea. Howard had Pat and Dominic give their final thoughts on the case and wrapped up the call. He had to take another break shortly after that and had Robin do her news when they came back.
Howard said that Mr. Rogers has died. He and Robin spent a short time talking about that. Howard didn't even know the guy was sick. Robin said she thought he had stomach cancer or something. Robin said she never watched the show. Artie said his father would say ''Turn that off! Why are you watching that fag?'' Howard said the guy pioneered boring television and now he's dead. Howard took a break shortly after that.
After the break Howard brought up the Mr. Rogers death again and talked about him for a couple of minutes. He said he had a ton of things to talk about so he got off that subject and moved on. He brought up singer Nelly and how he wasn't wearing his band aid at the Grammys. He and Robin talked about that for a little while. He took a phone call a short time later. That led to Howard talking about how he keeps his hand in his lap sometimes and plays with himself. Howard said he doesn't even realize he's doing it sometimes. The caller noticed it on the E! show. Howard said he does it at home sometimes and Beth will catch him and ask him what he's doing. He thought that Robin had orgasmed on the show one time just by rocking back in her chair but she said that never happened. The caller told Howard that it looked like he was really going at it during the show he saw. Howard asked the E! guys to be aware of that and not let it get on the show.
Gary the Retard called in and told Howard it was good to have him back. He said he tried calling in last week to see if Howard was alive and kicking. Howard told him that he just needs to tune in the show to see if he's alive and kicking.
Howard said David Letterman missed his show for the first time last night and had Bruce Willis host for him. Howard said Letterman has a really nasty eye infection. Howard said he'd like to get a copy of the show to see what happened. He said if he knew Willis was hosting, he would have gone on as a guest. He said if he gets a copy of it, he'll play it.
A phone caller told Howard that they used the F-word on E! yesterday during the Robert Black hearing. Howard talked about that for a couple of minutes and said that it's a self imposed thing for them because they're a cable channel.
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of the ''Late Show'' for Howard to hear. He played the opening monolog and told Howard he has to hear the interview with Dan Rather. Melrose told Howard that all of the interviews ended abruptly and there was no continuity to the show with Willis as host. Melrose was trying to get the clip ready for Howard but he was having a little trouble getting it ready. He eventually started it and played a little too much of the Dan Rather thing. Howard said Willis just doesn't want to be there listening to Rather rambling on and on. Melrose got the other interview with Carmen Electra ready to play but Howard ended up hanging up on him before he finished it.
Howard said he wanted to get into the Robert Blake interview after taking another break. He and the guys ended up talking about that for a couple of minutes before the break though. They talked about Barbara Walters bragging that she was the first woman Blake has touched since being sent to jail. He was also eating a lot of vending machine snacks while the interview was going on. They played a couple of clips from the show. Robin told Howard that they're going to stretch that interview out to 2 episodes this week. She said it's also airing on Friday night's 20/20. They talked about how Blake used to have a great life and he blew it. After a couple minutes of that Howard took another break.
Sixx told Howard that P. Diddy ended up asking his friend if he was one of the Foo Fighters. Gary told Howard he did a cool move when he went up on stage. He went right up to Fred Durst and gave him a hug like he was one of the band members.
Howard took some phone calls for Sixx and spent a few more minutes talking to him. A few phone callers goofed on the guy and called him some names. A woman called in and said that her boyfriend sneaks in to the MTV awards but he doesn't get on stage. Sixx told the woman that he's the greatest at what he does. Howard congratulated Sixx for his Grammy win and started to wrap things up. He said that it would be funny if Dave Grohl kicked Sixx's ass up there on stage. Melrose Larry Green called in and had tape of Sixx's speech up with the Foo Fighters. Sixx said ''Rock would be nothing without B.B. King.'' Dave Grohl then went back to the microphone and said ''I was going to say that.'' Howard took a call from a guy who wondered how easy it would be for terrorists to do the same thing. Sixx told the guy that terrorists wouldn't be able to get in without tickets. Howard took a few more calls for Sixx and asked Sixx what he's going to crash next. He didn't say what show he'll crash but he's going to parody the Joe Boxer commercials and jump up and down on stage in his boxer shorts. Howard moved on to the Robert Blake tapes after that.
Howard also talked about how odd it is that Blake isn't allowed out on bail but Phil Spector is. He said the explanation he got from Pat Lalama was that Blake is accused of pre-meditated murder while Spector isn't. Howard said he thinks he'd rather have Blake out on bail than Spector because Spector (allegedly) just goes around shooting someone for no reason.
Howard was almost finished with the clips he had and said he wanted more. Robin said she had more coming later for the news but Howard wanted to play the whole thing. Howard continued to play what he had. Blake talks about how they stole his past, they stole his future and what else is there left to steal? He then asks of they're going to take his testicles and make earrings out of them. Blake even started singing a little bit. Robin said she had a few clips coming but she forgot to have some of the good stuff pulled.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Pat Lalama said the Barbara Walters interview wouldn't hurt Blake's case. Dominic said that it will scare the jury if they hear it. Howard asked Dominic to rate how bad it is for Blake on a scale of 1 to 10. Dominic said it's a 50. They talked about that for a few minutes and Howard got back to the tapes again. Blake claims that his mother tried to get an abortion with him but when they used the wire hanger on her, it didn't work. Howard and the guys were goofing on him for a while. Gary told Howard about how Blake didn't work much in the past 10 years or so. Blake claims that he had plenty of money to live on but Howard said he didn't believe it.
Howard asked if Fred Durst was around yet. He wasn't so Howard said he had some ''Smallville'' tapes to play. Howard said the episode was actually very good and Christopher Reeve was good too. Howard didn't get around to playing those tapes because he had to take another break.
After the break Howard played a clip of Robert Blake talking about Jay Leno making fun of him. Blake wonders if people like that are going to apologize to him when he gets out of jail. Howard and Robin talked a bit about that and then said Fred Durst was finally there.
Howard asked Fred what he did last night because he seemed to be a little drunk today. Fred said he went to a club last night and there were no chicks there. He said he ended up talking to some drunk guy instead. Fred told Howard that he has some buddies he goes out with.
Howard brought up Britney Spears and asked Fred about what happened between them. Fred said they were working on some songs together and he always had a thing for her. He was really into her, but not the songs. He said the songs he wrote for her were good but she just recently said that she didn't like the songs. Howard asked Fred if it was true that he did what he told Cabbie recently. Fred said he swears on his son that it was true. Howard and Fred went through the story about how he and Britney hooked up to do these three songs he wrote. Howard tried to get as many details as possible out of Fred. Howard said Britney can't write any of her own songs so she needs Fred to write some stuff for her. Robin asked Fred how Britney dressed for work when they were together. Fred said she wore one of those skirts that hangs low on the hips and her shirt was exposing her belly. Howard told Fred that what he did was just fine and he shouldn't feel bad about anything he did. Fred said any guy in his position would have done the same thing.
Fred said they worked together for a few days on the songs he wrote. He said he thought that he was doing it for the wrong reasons. He was doing it to get in her pants. Howard asked him what the signal was that made him think she wanted to move ahead with him. Fred said he wrote her a letter to her and she ended up leaving the studio. Fred said the letter was nothing really but she ended up coming back to the studio around 3 in the morning. Fred said the letter was just a cool, sweet thing that he wrote. He said he didn't remember what it said though. Fred told Howard that Britney was sweet and she sang the songs pretty good. He said when she came back she told him she just wanted to hang out with him. He said she was wearing a see through shirt and didn't have a bra on. He said she had an entourage with her when she came back but they were pretty cool. After that they went back to Britney's house and hung out. Howard interrupted that story and asked Fred if he gave Britney any ''nose candy'' but Fred said he's drug free. He said that Britney drinks and smokes but he didn't see her doing any drugs. Howard said it seems like Britney wants to be a bad girl these days and if she wants to be really bad she should sleep with him. He said Fred is bad but he's even worse. Howard asked Fred what Britney's house was like and how he got rid of Britney's entourage. Fred told Howard that they should probably stop at this point and everyone got upset. Howard said Britney is out badmouthing him and he should tell them everything. Howard said he believes everything Fred is saying so he should let it al out. Britney is apparently denying having sex with Fred. Fred said she's not the sweet, innocent girl she seems to be. Howard said he bets that Fred banged Britney from behind. Howard thought he saw Fred nod his head but Fred said he didn't nod.
Howard said that Britney is saying that Fred is making every single thing up and she doesn't even know her. Howard went on to ask Fred some questions about how they hooked up. He gave some quick answers. Howard asked him if he banged her the first night but Fred didn't want to answer that.
Crazy Cabbie called in since he was the one who broke the story. Fred told Cabbie off mic that he ate Britney's bad place. The guys told Fred that it wasn't a bad thing and he should be proud. Fred said it was good too. Howard asked Fred if Britney had a better body than Carmen Electra. He said she does because he likes a woman to have a little bit of curve and softness. He said Carmen is a little more toned than Britney. He went on to sing some of the lyrics from one of his new songs and he pretty much says he got Britney on the first night. The guys asked him if he used a condom on her but Fred wasn't giving a straight answer. Fred claims that the relationship went on for a little while and it's kind of weird that she's denying it now. He said he talks about this stuff on his web site LimpBizkit.com and it became a big thing there. Fred said that Britney is lying about them not having a relationship and it's pissing him off. He said it's enough already. Howard said he loves this stuff though.
Howard plugged Limp Bizkit's album ''Bipolar'' which comes out in May. Howard took a couple of phone calls. One guy asked Fred if Britney's boobs are real. Fred said they are real. Fred said he can't believe all of this stuff is still going on. Gary came in and asked Fred what kind of hair cut Britney has down below. Howard guessed that she shaves it all but Fred said it's a big bush. Howard asked him if he was shocked at that. Fred said he thought it was pretty cool actually. Howard was surprised. He took a couple more phone calls and Double A called in to find out if Fred got oral from her. He wasn't answering though. Howard asked if she was loud in bed or not. Fred said this was going a little too far at this point. He said he wouldn't be talking about all of this stuff if she hadn't denied it. Howard and Fred talked about that for a few more minutes before wrapping up the interview. Gary told Howard they also wanted to plug Limp Bizkit's concert at Giants Stadium on July 8th. Howard said he'd introduce them if Fred wants.
Fred's buddy Paco came in to talk about how he's in charge of getting rid of Britney's entourage when Fred wants to hang with her. Howard asked him how he got the hillbilly cousins out of the room. He also asked Paco if he gets Fred's left overs. Paco said he doesn't get that though. Fred told Howard that Britney was very aggressive with the relationship. They spent a couple more minutes on that before Gary came in and said they're having a debate in the office on whether or no Fred and Britney actually had sex. Fred hesitated and didn't want to give a straight answer. He said he'd never let his fans down but wouldn't give a straight answer. Paco chimed in and said a quick ''Yeah.'' Gary said he could hear the guys applauding in the office.
Howard played a little bit of Limp Bizkit's new song which was about Britney and he goes off on her pretty good. Vinnie Favale called in and asked if they were in ''agreeance'' that he had sex with Britney. That was a word that Fred used up on stage at the Grammys. Fred said that he meant to say ''agreement.'' He said he doesn't know where that word ''agreeance'' came from. That led to Howard talking to Fred about his anti-war stance and a few other things before ending the interview. Howard asked Fred which pop star is next on his list. Fred said he wanted to keep that quiet. Howard also spent a short time talking about the Great White concert where the club ended up burning down. Fred said that he's raising money for the families of the people that died in that fire. Fred said that stuff like that shouldn't happen at a concert. He said they had a fan die at a concert they did in Australia and it could have been prevented. Howard wrapped up the interview after that short discussion.
Howard told John that this Jump the Shark thing has worked out pretty well for him so far. Jon and Howard spent a short time talking about how Fred Durst will never ''Jump the Shark'' after telling that story about Britney Spears.
Howard took a phone call from a woman who went to scores recently and didn't think the strippers there were all that great. Howard said that of course she didn't find them attractive, she's a woman. The woman told Howard that they have better looking strippers in New Jersey. Howard said that the women in Scores are ''stripper hot'' and you don't expect them to be that gorgeous. He and the woman went back and forth with that for a short time before Howard moved on to other stuff. Howard took a few other calls and talked to Jon about the Robert Blake stuff that was on last night. Howard also brought up a story he read about the guys at the WWE and how they have a new character who has Tourets syndrome. Howard had an audio clip of the guy being interviewed on a WWE special. He grunts and does some other stuff while he's talking. Howard said he's dressed like Violent J from Insane Clown Posse. Artie was laughing pretty hard at some of the ticks and grunts the guy was doing. Howard and Artie did their impressions of this guy Goldust who has the ticks. Robin said she could see that one again. Howard wondered if he went to the Shannon Doherty school of acting.
Howard asked Jon about ''American Idol'' jumping the shark. Jon said people are posting that it jumped when Frenchie was kicked off. Jon said he thinks it's the parents being there and contestants talking back to Simon. Jon said he had a feeling that it was going to jump after seeing some of the specials they ran after last season. They spent a few minutes on that and then took a phone call.
A woman called in and told Howard that his interview with Fred Durst was the best. Howard took another call from a guy who had some news about this Goldust guy. He said he never had those things before.
Another caller was calling in as Mr. Rogers so Howard played along with that and did some gay jokes along with him.
Howard got back to Jon and Jump the Shark. Jon talked a little bit about the ABC TV show ''Alias'' and how they decided to change the whole story line in one episode. He said that's when it went wrong with that show. Jon said the show was a ''Special'' one and that means trouble for shows like that. Jon also talked about ''Life with Bonnie'' which Howard was surprised to hear was even on the air. Jon said it's an improv show and he just doesn't get that. Howard asked Jon about the Michael Jackson specials too. Jon though the first one with Martin Bashir doing the interview was good. All of the others were just bad. Jon said he thinks Michael Jackson Jumped the Shark back when he kicked Wesley Snipes in the ''Bad'' video. Jon said that ''Will and Grace'' has jumped the shark. He said they did a lot of special guest stars and that's always trouble for shows like that. He said that weddings will kill shows too. Howard asked Jon about the latest ''Smallville'' with Christopher Reeve. Jon said he was ready for a disaster of a show but it turned out to be very good. He told Howard he thinks ''The Practice'' will jump the shark when Reeve does an appearance on that one. Howard played some clips from ''Smallville'' and talked about Reeve's performance.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who made a really lame joke about Robin being fat that didn't go over too well. Howard got back to Jon and asked him what he thinks of ''The Shield.'' Jon said it's still a good show worth watching. A woman called in and said that ''Friends'' has Jumped the Shark and it should be called ''Annoying Friends.'' Jon said shows can Jump the Shark and stay on for a long time. Howard said he thinks the show isn't as good as it used to be and they have too many episodes featuring Phoebe. Jon and Howard discussed ''Star Search'' and how bad that is with Arsenio Hall hosting it. Jon also said he thinks ''Joe Millionaire'' jumped when they screwed people with the second to last episode. He said they're working on a second one and he has no idea how that's going to work. Howard asked Jon about ''Survivor'' and he thinks this season is pretty good since they've mixed it up and have the guys vs the girls. That led to them talking about ''I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!'' and how bad that is. Jon called it a ''train wreck'' of a show. He said it's pointless and it's on for 15 days in a row.
Howard asked Jon about ''The Osbournes'' and he says it's still good but they did get a little over exposed. He also thinks that Kelly's music career kind of helped them Jump the Shark. Howard wondered how Jon watches all of these shows. Jon said he relies on his TiVo to get him through shows faster. Howard thought that John was making a living off of this site but Jon said he has another job. He said he's the CIO(Chief Information Officer) for a staffing company.
Howard got some clips from the Mike Tyson fight where he was interviewed after the fight. Howard played that and goofed on Tyson a little bit. Tyson was talking about his broken back with the interviewer and you hear the crowd going nuts because a fight broke out in the stands. They talked about Tyson's tattooed face. Howard wondered why most tattoo artists won't tattoo someone's face. He and the guys talked about that for a short time. Howard said that maybe they should let people like that get tattoos on their face and hands so we can identify them on the street. That way we'd know who to stay away from. Howard got back to the tape of Tyson and heard the audience going nuts in the background. KC came in and said that the other fighter was actually fighting with people in the crowd, that's why they were going nuts. Howard took a call from a guy who said that it's actually illegal for tattoo artists to tattoo people's faces and hands in New York. Howard talked about that for a minute and then had to take another break. Jon stuck around to hang out during Robin's news.
Howard said they have Tabitha Stevens coming in later and Chaunce Hayden will be playing the Gossip Game with them. Howard knows people are going to be upset about him coming in but he has some interesting stuff to talk about.
Captain Janks called in and said he did a bunch of new phony phone calls during the snowstorm last week. Janks and Howard talked about how they got slammed by TV Guide after his call to Dan Rather during the Space Shuttle disaster. Howard replayed that just to remind everyone how wrong it was. Howard noticed that there are always people who get that it's a phony phone call before the anchor does. Howard said he wasn't making fun of the Shuttle disaster, he made fun of Dan Rather for not getting it. Howard said he got slammed anyway though. Janks told Howard that he made a call to channel 3 in Philadelphia last week and played the call for Howard. Janks called in as if he were at the local airport. He asked the TV hosts if they'd be disappointed if that was a Howard Stern call. They said yes and he was cut off. Janks then played a second call where he did the same thing but this time he was calling from New York City. He gave a straight news report and then asked the host if he would like Howard Stern's balls on his chin. He was cut off again. Janks used the name Mark Pesh both times and that's the name of a legitimate airport spokesman. Howard said he likes those calls. Janks made one more call to Phil Donohue and asked him what he thinks of Howard Stern while he was talking to Pat Buchannan. Phil didn't answer and just went to commercial. Howard said he would have liked to have heard what Pat Buchannan had to say about him. Howard said that's why they canceled Phil Donohue's show. He could have made it an interesting bit but he just cut it off.
Howard said he saw Phil interviewing Rosie O'Donnell and ended up talking about her for a while. Janks said they're doing an E! True Hollywood Story on Rosie this weekend. Howard said that should be pretty good. He and Robin talked about Rosie and Melissa Etheridge. Howard said that Melissa has gotten really fat lately and can't imagine her hot girlfriend having to go south on her.
Howard said he got a call from someone in the music industry last night and he told Howard he doesn't believe what Fred Durst said about Britney Spears on yesterday's show. The guy said he knows for a fact that Britney shaves her private parts. Howard ended up playing some clips of Fred from yesterday's show because the delay was hit a few times due to his cursing. Fred called her an F'ing liar and went off on her.
Howard moved on and took some phone calls. One woman asked Howard about last night's ''Survivor.'' Howard said the show is really working now that they have the women and men separated. Last night the guys were talking about how hot the girls were. Howard said the one girl, Heidi, has some bad implants but a great body. The woman on the phone didn't think her body was that great though. Gary came in and asked the woman how she stacks up against Heidi. The woman said that she's much better than Heidi. Howard told the woman that he doesn't like ''real women'' he likes women like Heidi. The caller also mentioned Robert Chambers so Howard went off on that guy. He said he hates that guy so much he won't even watch his interviews. He said it would be kind of funny if FOX did a ''Joe Rapist Millionaire'' where the girls find out that the guy they've been dating is Robert Chambers.
After talking to the woman on the phone for a couple of minutes Gary asked her if she'd be willing to come in when Heidi comes in so they can compare the two of them. The woman avoided answering and said she can't imagine anyone liking a body like that. Howard got off the phone a minute later. Howard was going to take a break but Gary said they have a game to play where they'll have women over the age of 80 to pick from as women they'd sleep with. Howard said he has another game where people will have to guess whether the clips he's playing are porno or something else like a TV show.
When Howard came back from break he talked about how they're going to have Adam West in next week to play the Gossip Game. Howard said West is doing a new Batman TV show and the concept of the show is really weird. Howard said he can't wait to interview him and ask him what it's like to be Batman his whole life. He said it might just be his last interview with him because he's like 77 years old. Vinnie Favale from CBS called in because this thing that Adam is doing is for CBS. Vinnie said that West will be talking about the old days working on the Batman show and there will be flashbacks but someone else will be playing Adam West. Robin brought up the fact that John McEnroe hosted Late Show last night. Howard said McEnroe was probably better than David Letterman. Vinnie said McEnroe did a fine job but they really miss Dave. It turns out Dave has Shingles which is pretty nasty. Howard talked about that and said that Dave really should just retire already because it's killing him. Vinnie said ''no way'' to Howard and wondered when he's going to retire. Howard said he plans to retire in 3 years when his contract is up.
Howard said he just sold a cartoon to someone but he can't talk about who yet. He said that it's going to be ''Howard Stern The High School Years'' and it's going to be funny. He said it'll have his parents and some other great stuff in it. He said it'll show him as a loser in High School instead of his life now. Howard said it's going to be starting immediately and it should be on the air in a year. It'll be a primetime show when it shows up. He said he's waiting to make the announcement. He said he's going to look Korean because they send out the stuff to be animated there. Howard said the show will be based on his real life because he realized that it would be great that way.
Howard said his interview with Fred Durst was all over the news today. He had some clips to play from ''Good Day New York'' and some articles to read from the newspapers. He read through some of the articles which gave all of the details from the interview. Howard said that Durst swore on his son's eyes that what he was saying was true.
Howard talked about this guy who came out and said that he was offered $10,000 to kill Robert Blake's wife. Howard and Robin goofed on Blake for a couple of minutes. Howard said he can't wait to see this trial. He's hoping that Blake takes the stand himself. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard had this guy John Solari on the phone who is good friends with Robert Blake. Howard said John has said that he would do anything for Robert Blake, even kill his wife. John said that wasn't quite true though. Howard asked John why he didn't just help Blake out and haul Bonny off somewhere to get rid of her. Howard said if John had ''taken her for a ride'' for Blake, none of this would have happened.
John told Howard about what he thought about the whole situation and said Howard might be right. If he had taken Bonny out for a ride, this wouldn't have happened. John said he saw Blake in court yesterday but he hasn't spoken to him. Howard asked John how he'd suggest getting rid of someone like that. John said he can't tell him that because it would ruin the whole thing. John had a few nasty things to say about the Bakely family before Howard got off the phone with him. After that Howard told John to give him a call whenever he has an update for them. He said he's a good guy to have around.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that he has tape of Eminem's mother to play for him. Some TV show did an interview with her and she talks about how she's the reason he's popular. She said she doesn't even let him in the house anymore. Howard thought the tape was pretty good but he ended up hanging up on Melrose when he started rambling about how good Will is doing with the phones while Stuttering John is away.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered why they don't play that Sulu laugh much these days. He also wondered if ''Son of the Beach'' will be out on DVD. Howard said he doesn't know but it is coming out in April. The guy was also wondering when that cartoon of his will air. Howard talked about that for a minute and ended up hanging up on the guy because he was begging to play a game or win a prize even though he'd just finished with the porn game. Howard got back to the ''Howard Stern The High School Years'' cartoon. He said one of his childhood friends is a young Mohammed Atta. He said he's also going to have stuff like his mother taking his temperature anally when he comes home from school. He went on to talk about having sex with a girl for the first time and how he finished so quick that he pretended that he didn't want to do it at all. Howard said she ended up crying and called her boyfriend. He said stuff like that will end up in the cartoon. Howard talked about some of the other dopey things he did when he was a kid. He said he played some Neil Young (Down by the River) when he was having sex and it just didn't work. He also said he thinks he was going to give her oral but ended up just sniffing around a little bit down there. Howard had the Neil Young song he was talking about playing in the background. He played some other Neil Young stuff and goofed on him a little bit. Artie was singing along to some of the songs and a listener called in and said he actually sounded pretty good. Howard had Artie sing along a little more and said he sucks. He continued to play the Neil Young stuff for a couple of minutes. Artie wondered how great it would be if they were drunk right then. Howard said that they're pretty sure they're going to Las Vegas in April (no date announced yet) to do 3 shows. He said one of the shows will be a drinking show. Robin said she doesn't want to do that again though. Robin said she ruined a couple of people's lives when she was drunk and she had a hangover for a few days after. She said she's just not going to drink again.
Gary said he has to go listen to some Neil Young when he goes home. Howard said he loves Neil Young too but he won't' be going home to listen to it.
Howard had some complaints about his Canon Digital Elph camera printer. He said he bought the camera and it's great. He said he bought a printer that goes along with it and loves that. He had to go on the web to order the ink for the printer and it turns out a couple of the colors are back ordered and it's pissing him off. He said Canon should be ashamed of itself for that. He said now that he's complained about it he'll probably get a ton of them. Howard said he wants to print some stuff but he can't because he doesn't have the ink. Gary said he's got a $1000 video camera that he can't get fixed. Scott the Engineer came in and said he bought a Dell computer and purchased a $100 service thing where he's supposed to be able to get through to tech support with this express service. He said he can't get through at all after waiting on hold for 3 hours at a time two times. He said they offered to refund him his money but he said he wants the service, not the refund. Howard asked Scott if he called from his smoking room. Scott said he called from his basement where he's not allowed to smoke. He does have a smoking room in the house though. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Gary told Howard that Tabitha is now single because her guy didn't want her to be in porn. She said she wasn't able to give that up for him and didn't want to settle down and have a family yet. She told Howard the guy was a really nice guy too. She said he didn't want anyone touching her or even looking at her. She said she's not ready to ''give up me.'' Tabitha used to date the guitar player from Great White who died in the Rhode Island fire recently. She said he was the type of guy who would have stayed to help everyone else out. Artie said he read that the guy ran back to get his guitar. Howard talked to Tabitha about that for a short time.
Howard said that Tabitha offered to have sex with one of his listeners and got to the game. Tabitha asked that the woman she's with is clean and tight and she wants to inspect her private parts. Howard read what Tabitha is willing to do with the winner and then explained the game. He said each woman will get 2 minutes to talk to Tabitha. The listeners will vote on who they think should win.
First up was Amanda who has never had sex with a woman. She claims that she's too shy to approach other women. Howard read some facts about her. He said she and her husband run an internet porn site. They have a daughter who knows about the porn site and asked her permission before coming on Howard's show. Howard asked her about the web site and then let her get her two minutes with Tabitha. He said listeners could vote on KRockRadio.com. Amanda was telling Tabitha how great she was and they even made out a little bit. Tabitha was having some fun with her.
After the 2 minutes Howard sent Amanda off and then brought in Angela.
Angela looked kind of conservative to Howard. He read some stuff about her and said that she's bi-sexual. Her husband actually placed an ad for her to find another woman at one point. Howard went through some other stuff and then gave Angela her two minutes with Tabitha. Angela took her top off and let Tabitha check out her chest. The two of them made out a little bit before the two minutes was up. The delay got hit a couple of times because of the stuff they were saying to each other. Howard moved on to the next person after that. Gary said Tabitha has no problem just sticking her hand down in places guys would be hesitant to put them.
The third contestant was Tracy. Howard said Tracy has never been with a man in her life. She said she had her first lesbian experience at 18 years old. She lost her virginity up in Canada. Her father actually called her and told her about this contest. Howard let her talk to Tabitha for her two minutes. Tracy asked to kiss Tabitha right away to get that out of the way. They made out for quite a while. They spent the rest of the 2 minutes talking about how they'd like to spend the day. Tracy sounded like she just wanted to hang out and drink beer with Tabitha. Howard said they used the last 30 seconds to ''breast feed.'' Howard thought it sounded pretty cool to just want to hang and drink beer. Howard asked Tabitha which one of the three so far, she'd like to be with. Tabitha said it's Amanda.
Howard brought in Desi next. He said she had some very large breasts. Howard read that she's a spokesperson for a sexual stimulant called Kong. Howard read that she hasn't been with a woman yet. Howard then gave her the two minutes with Tabitha. Desi told Tabitha she wants to get to know her and then Tabitha asked to hold her breasts. Tabitha said they're very nice. Her hand then slipped down her shorts. She said she was hairless down there. Tabitha and Desi made out after that. Howard said Tabitha is really horny. She doesn't hesitate to do stuff with these chicks.
Howard wrapped up the game and told people to go vote. Tabitha said she still wanted Amanda. Howard said he'd have the votes right after the break.
Howard then spoke to each of them women for a short time and then started breaking the bad news to each of the losers. He told Desi he had good news for her. He kept her in suspense for a few seconds and then told her the good news was that her boobs were the biggest in there. He then broke the news to the rest of them one by one and eventually told Amanda that she was the winner. Tabitha said they're going to go out after the show and then head back to her place to get it on. Howard also talked about how Tabitha claims that when she's with a man she always makes sure he's happy before she worries about herself. She said even if he can only last 2 seconds, she's fine with that because she can always vibrate herself later.
Howard told the girls how much of a loser Artie is because he lost a bet he had on Seton Hall's basketball team last night. Artie didn't know he'd lost until this morning when he read the paper and found out his bet was lost over half a point in the spread.
Howard suggested that the 3 losers get together after the show. Some of them were kind of looking forward to going out with Tabitha. When Artie heard the ''3 losers'' comment he said ''Wanna make it four?'' Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that and took another break.
After the break Howard said that Robin finally did touch Tabitha's boobs. He said it was pretty sexy. Howard and Robin said they did feel real. Howard also said that Artie's feel pretty real too. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about plastic surgery and how when women start getting it done, they want to keep it going. He said that the fake look has become a thing of beauty in a weird way and some of those women don't like looking natural anymore.
As soon as Chaunce came in Howard brought up his hair plugs. He talked about them on a previous show and said that the guy who did them was formerly a garbage man and didn't do that great of a job. Chaunce just recently had them done over and Howard thought they still looked bad. Chaunce said that he got them done over again because of the stuff Howard said about him. He said he hates himself because of that. Robin said now it looks like a toupee instead of hair plugs. Howard said the hair line is really false looking. Chaunce told Howard he really broke him down. Howard continued to pick on his hair that looked like butt hair according to him. Chaunce said he's always glad he came in after hearing that stuff.
Chaunce said that he's sick of the celebrities out there saying that we shouldn't go to war with Iraq. He said that we have to go to war and annihilate them. He said he's so for the war. Robin said Ted Nugent had an explanation for why celebrities come out against war. She said that people like that don't like to deal with real situations and can't handle it so they come out against it. They're so used to their pampered lives that they don't want to hear about horrible things like war. Howard had his own thoughts on celebrities like that. He said it starts out in spas and a little bit of spirituality. Then it leads to whacked out religions. Chaunce said the way we won World War II was the fact that we used the atomic bomb. The reason we didn't win the Vietnam war was because we didn't use the bomb. He said what we have to do is use those weapons in Iraq.
Howard moved on to Chuance's stories after that. Chaunce used to date Judge Judy's daughter before she was known as ''Judge Judy.'' He told Howard that her daughter was really hot and they had a serious relationship for a while. Because Chaunce wasn't Jewish, he thinks that her mother made her break it off because they were very Jewish. Sometime after that he had to interview Judge Judy and he said it was very awkward for him. He said she really needed the press at the time so she had to do it.
Howard said something about Chaunce's hair and Chaunce asked him why he can't just leave that alone and said that he doesn't care if Howard makes fun of him. Gary then came in and said that Chaunce lies about his age. When he came in he signed the release and said he was born in 1964. They made a copy of his license and it says he was born in 1959. Chaunce said that David Brenner lies about his age so why can't he? Howard and Gary goofed on him about that for a short time. Then Gary brought up a story that someone told him about Chaunce being at a party of a guy they know. The guy had some strippers there and Chaunce was doing stuff to this one chick in ''both areas.'' Chaunce denied it so Howard asked him if he was a liar. Chaunce wouldn't answer and asked Howard what the definition of a liar is. Chaunce didn't admit to anything and Chuance asked Gary to stop with the stories.
Howard said that Chaunce interviewed Phil Hartman the day before he died. He also claims that Jim Breuer got fired after doing an interview with him. He thinks he may have gotten Breuer fired from Saturday Night Live. Chaunce said Jim said some stuff about some of the people who worked on the show at the time and even badmouthed Lorne Michaels. Michaels heard about it and asked Chaunce for a copy of the interview. A couple days later he was fired. Robin asked Chaunce if he tried to protect Jim. Chaunce said he's not his publicist.
Howard said that Evander Holyfield almost punched him one time. He told Howard that story and said Evander misunderstood something he'd said about his mother. Howard read that Sam Kinison attacked Chaunce one time after an interview. Howard said Sam was upset by something he'd written in a review of his show so he attacked him in the dressing room. He went to the police after that and was going to sue him but Sam died before he could.
Howard read that Chaunce says that Robin made him send over the questions he was going to ask so she could review them. After seeing them she refused to do the interview. AJ Benza put the questions in his column after that and after seeing that Robin did the interview. Robin said she doesn't remember that.
Chaunce found out his father died the second before he did an interview with Bo Derek. He said he was crying on the phone and didn't want to make Bo feel bad so he didn't tell her why he was crying. Howard made another joke about Chaunce's bad hair again during that.
Chaunce did an interview with Willie Nelson one time and made him smoke pot with him during the interview. He was so wasted that he couldn't find his car so he slept under a tree.
Howard said he interviewed a guy on death row and the guy kept calling him every day for cigarettes until he was put to death. Chaunce said he was relieved that he was gone.
Chaunce had a list of celebrities that will tell him everything. Those people included Latoya Jackson, Corey Feldman, Sally Kirkland, Charles Grodin, Henry Rollins and a few others. Chaunce said you can ask them anything and they'll answer it.
Chaunce also had a list of female celebrities he believes hit on him at some point. Those women included Heidi Fleiss, Janice Dickinson, Sally Kirkland, Jaid Barrymore and Kathie Lee Gifford. Chaunce said that Kathie Lee was playing footsie with him at dinner one time. Nancy Sinatra and Trista from ''The Bachelorette'' were also mentioned. He said he really does think that he could get Trista. Naomi Judd, Tara Lupinski and Meg Griffin were also on the list. Chaunce said that anyone who has tickets to a Rolling Stones concert could get Meg. Howard told him he was hallucinating.
Chaunce had an asshole list too. George Carlin was the first one on the list. Chaunce explained why he thinks he's an asshole. Cindy Lauper, Dennis Miller, Belinda Carlisle and Montel Williams were also discussed. Howard then moved on to Chaunce's nicest person list. That list included Johnny Depp, Rudy Giuliani and Carmen Electra were on that list.
Howard said that Chaunce used to fantasize about Crystal Gayle's hair when he was a kid and pleasured himself to it. When he interviewed her she rubbed her hair on him. After that Howard took a call from a listener who was upset that Howard had Chaunce on the show today. Howard said he was interested in the stuff Chaunce had to talk about.
Howard got Mike Walker from the National Enquirer on the phone so he could play his game. Mike asked Chaunce about the Tara Lupinski thing that Chaunce mentioned. He wondered how old she was when she hit on him. Chaunce said he doesn't remember how old she was but it was just about a year ago. Mike also said that Jaid Barrymore comes on to just about everybody she meets. Mike wondered why Chaunce doesn't follow up on any of those women. Chaunce said he's a professional and that's why he doesn't do it.
Howard moved on to the game after that so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories: