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Howard also said David hates when he calls his wife Courtney Cock. He immediately started calling her that and it pissed David off. David threatened to swear himself. He asked Howard if he likes it when he calls him Howard Sperm. Howard said he doesn't care because it's childish.
Howard said the last time David was on he cut some IDs that were really funny but then he called Gary a couple days later and asked them not to play them anymore. Howard thinks his wife has been taming him down too much. Howard asked David if all of the rumors about their marriage failing are true. David said they're all untrue and they come at a time when his wife is actually being very supportive of his career. He said it's kind of upsetting that he has to read all of these lies.
Howard also asked David what he thinks Matthew Perry's problem is on ''Friends''. He just went back into rehab and Howard was wondering what's going on there. David said Matthew must just have an addictive personality. He doesn't know the whole story and he might just be unhappy.
David said that he hasn't been to any pill parties lately but he used to throw them himself. He's done with that part of his life now that he's got Courtney. He said they don't go to marriage counseling anymore. They just did that before they got married so things would work out. He thought it was necessary. ''Especially when it's you...'' Howard added.
Howard promoted all of David's movies and said he's also appearing in an upcoming episode of ''Son of the Beach''. David plays the head of a bicycle gang. His name in the show is Johnny Queefer.
Howard noticed that David had his wrist tattooed and asked if he has any Courtney tattoos on him. David said he does have a ''CC'' tattoo on his shoulder.
Howard let a few phone callers goof on David before he left. One guy asked if Courtney likes Anal sex. He didn't answer that one. Robin asked him what kind of birth control they use. David said they don't use any. Howard figured out he just pulls out so he asked him where he ''makes his mess''. David didn't answer that one either. A phone caller told Howard that he heard David's next movie will be called ''See Courtney Cock Run'' when she leaves him.
''Bob'' joked about a bunch of other stuff including the hatred of Jews. Howard read his script and played along with the bit for a little while. ''Bob'' ended the call with the song and quickly ended the call. One listener called in and complained about how unfunny the impression was. He begged Howard not to let the guy back on the show again.
Howard spent some time talking to Ed about his relationship with Johnny Carson. Howard thinks that Ed and Johnny never liked each other and doesn't believe that the two of them were ever friends. Ed said that he and Johnny just had lunch a few weeks ago and they're still friends to this day. Howard still doesn't seem to believe that though.
Howard tried to find out about Ed's sexual past but, once again, he refused to discuss anything of that nature. He just wanted to promote his new TV show ''Next Big Star'' which airs on the PAX cable network Sunday nights at 6pm.
Ed asked Howard what it was like in New York this week. Howard told Ed how everyone in the city seems to be down, depressed or angry over everything that has gone on. Howard and Ed then spent some time discussing what they think this country needs to do. Howard said we need to start bombing the crap out of someone and Ed seems to agree with him. Ed pointed out we don't know exactly who our enemies are but we do need to find out who they are and fight them.
Ed told Howard this new TV show of his is like an extension of ''Star Search'' but they hope to have more stars come out of this show. Howard wondered why Ed would even want to keep working. He seems to think that Ed has plenty of money and he doesn't need to work. Ed told Howard he does it because he likes to work. He compared his career to Howard's career and said that Howard will probably keep doing what he does for as long as he can. Howard said that might be true because he has to make up for all of the money he lost in his divorce. Howard then started asking Ed about what kind of house he lives in now. Ed said it's a nice house but it's not a mansion. Someone asked him if he has a Butler. Ed said he doesn't have one but he does have a live in housekeeper. After the discussion it can be said that he's got a nice house with a pool and a housekeeper. That's about all we learned from that. Howard wrapped up the conversation and got off the phone with Ed. After the call he said he still doesn't believe that Ed and Johnny are friendly with each other.
The Mike Walker Game With William Shatner. 11/7/97. 8:05am
William Shatner didn't seem to be very thrilled to be playing this game because he said the National Enquirer has done some false stories on him in the past. Mike is the gossip editor for The National Enquirer. He played along anyway though. Here are the 4 stories. One of them is false, try to pick it.
''What's My Secret'' Game With William Shatner, Elephant Boy And Colt 40-Feinberg. 11/7/97. 8:20am
Fred The Elephant Boy and comedian Colt 40-Feinberg came in to play ''What's My Secret'' with William Shatner. The woman who had the secret came in and answered a bunch of questions from the celebrity panel. None of the questions really led to them finding out what her secret was so Howard had to interrupt and just tell them what it was. The woman is able to smoke a cigarette with her private parts. In other words she has a smoking vagina. She demonstrated this talent and amazed everyone in the room. It must have been a hell of a sight because Howard yelled out ''Unbelievable!'' when he saw it. He said that she inhaled and exhaled the smoke! WOW!
Jennifer went over to Howard and took off her top to reveal her breasts. It sounded like everyone was very impressed with them. Howard had her raise up her arm and then checked her for lumps. Robin told him he was doing it all wrong and corrected him. Howard then checked her for a few seconds and said he couldn't find any lumps except the one in his pants.
Howard let Jennifer's boyfriend come in so he could check the guy out. Howard said the guy looked like Ahmet Zappa with his bald head. The guy said that he has been chasing this girl around since 1993. Howard spoke to him for about a minute and was about to let them go. Some of the guys wanted to see her ass but she wouldn't take off her pants. Gary came in and offered her $1000 to take off her pants but she said she just wasn't comfortable doing that. She let Howard feel her up but she wouldn't take her pants off. She wouldn't even agree to get in a bikini. Some of the guys thought that she must have something to hide down there.
Howard was going to let them leave again but Gary asked her if she'd ever tried lesbian stuff. She said she did experiment a bit after college and she wouldn't be against it happening again in the future. Howard and the guys started digging into the story and got some of the details out of her. She said she had worked with this other woman for about 6 months and they became friends. Jennifer said she was attracted to this woman but she didn't know why. She told Howard more and more details and the story got even better. Jennifer said the other woman tied her up and left her tied up for about a half hour. Then the woman undressed her and did her thing. Jennifer said that the woman was very good at what she did.
Jennifer told Howard that she's had about a 50/50 split of women and men sex partners in her life. For some reason she's going to settle down with this guy she's with now.
Howard made a deal with Jennifer as he was going to break. He said that all of the guys would get in bikinis if she got in one too. That way she could stick around for another half hour.
After the break they all came back dressed in their bikinis. Howard said KC looked pretty good in a bikini. Jennifer returned and she looked great according to Howard. He thought she was going to have a bad ''caboose'' but it turned out to be nice. Howard said Jim Florentine had a nut hanging out of his bikini. Howard had stuffed a tissue down his shorts to help fill out his package.
Robin did a little judging of the bikini clad guys. She had them parade around a little bit as she checked them out. She said that some of the guys looked okay in their bikinis. Jennifer ended up taking her top off one more time for the guys too.
Robin Radzinski from E! came in and told Howard they're going to try and get this show on E! for Thursday and Friday of this week.
A couple of the interns at the station came in and judged the guys in their bikinis real quick. They said Howard looked pretty good. Jennifer said that both Howard and KC looked really good. The interns said that Stuttering John, Gary and Benjy were all in the same class.
Howard had to move on to other things but they all stayed in their bikinis. He got back to ''Surviving Gilligan's Island'' and spent some time talking about that. Gary had the ratings and the show actually did pretty good against shows like ''Law and Order'' and ''Alias.'' Howard talked about how they brought back Mary Ann (Dawn Wells), Gilligan (Bob Denver) and the Professor (Russell Johnson) for the show. They also reenacted behind the scenes stuff with other actors. Howard talked about a lot of the facts that he learned during the 2 hour show. (Snipped)
Howard read somewhere that Ben waxes his whole back so he asked him about that. Ben said he's never done that. He said he really doesn't have that much back hair so he'd never have to do that. He did, however, say that he had a full body wax one time for a movie he did. Howard asked him why he didn't just use Nair to take care of his hairy legs. Ben didn't know that much about it and his wife said she doesn't think that stuff works that well anyway. Howard said he was always afraid to use it because it's a chemical that just melts your hair away.
Howard spoke to Ben and Christine about the movie and how Christine got a part in it. Christine told Howard that she wasn't the first choice for the part so it wasn't like having her husband as the director guaranteed her a job. Ben told Howard they had other people in mind for her part but the producers just couldn't settle on one. Christine then ended up with the part.
Howard asked Ben if he and his wife are going to become Scientologists like so many other Hollywood actors have done. Christine said she sure wouldn't but Ben said he was kind of curious about it because they all seem so happy. Howard said he doesn't single out that wacky religion to goof on. He said that he feels sorry for anyone who gets duped by any religion. It just seems like he goofs on Scientology more than other religions.
Howard brought up the fact that Ben had canceled his appearance on the show shortly after the World Trade Center tragedy. Howard said Ben canceled his show but still kept his appearance on Letterman and a couple of others. Ben eventually thought better of it and re-booked himself on the show. Ben didn't think that it was the right time to promote the movie because of the tragedy. He told Howard none of that stuff matters now because he's on the show.
Howard asked Christine if she's ever done any nude scenes in a movie. She said she's very modest and she hasn't done any. She told Howard a story about how she was offered a part where she would have been nude but she turned it down. That led to her telling a story about how she got car jacked about 8 years ago. She said had just come home and was getting out of her car to lock it up. She had a friend with her and all of a sudden another car pulled up and a Hispanic guy got out with a gun in his hand. It was broad daylight and Christine said she just went numb and did everything the guy asked her to do. She had to remove her ''Club'' from the steering wheel and she had to give him her keys. She said it was very scary at the time. As she was telling the story Howard kept asking her questions about what she was wearing that day and how she looked. This all happened around the time she was offered the nude role so that's how it all came up. She then told Howard how she was offered the lead role in ''Night of the Demons 2'' but because it required her to get nude she turned it down. They later offered her the part she took where she just had to take her shirt off with a bra on. That's as close to nude as you'll find her in a movie at this point in her career.
Howard took a few phone calls for Ben and Christine. There was one guy who thought Ben was Ben Affleck and another caller asked Ben if he's ever tried anal with Christine. Ben said he's not into that and he's never tried it. Christine said she's not especially interested in that either. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. As he was doing that Artie Lange said that he and Ben did a movie together. Ben said he knew who Artie was but they were in the movie ''Mystery Men'' and it sounded like neither of them were very proud of that fact.
Laurie told Howard about how she's a Playboy lingerie model for the book of Lingerie series that Playboy puts out. She went through her history and how she was supposed to go through law school but changed her mind and got into nude modeling. She said her parents weren't too happy with that and they didn't speak to her for about a year after she told them.
Laurie also told Howard how she used to get hit on by her high school teachers but she never went all the way with any of them. She told him one story about how her hot looking male history teacher hit on her but she thought better of it and didn't let the relationship get that far.
Laurie then told Howard about her first lesbian experience that she had while she was a cheerleader over in Germany. Howard and the rest of the guys were all getting off on the whole story and wanted her to drag it out longer and longer. She said she and the other cheerleader didn't go all the way but there was some touching over the panties going on.
Howard said he was running out of time so he let Laurie plug all of her stuff. She said that she does a lot of woman on woman movies and it's real sex, not put on for the movie. Howard wanted to find out more about these lesbian experiences so he asked her what her best lesbian experience was. Laurie went on to tell Howard about one of her latest experiences down in Miami. She was shooting a movie, not a porno but a real movie, when she met this celebrity who she refused to name. She told the story about how she went out with this woman after the movie shoot just to hang out. It eventually led to the celebrity asking about her lesbian movies. The unnamed celebrity was curious about lesbianism so the two of them went back to a room and got into some sexual stuff. Laurie described the night to everyone and Howard later said he almost had ''an accident'' in his pants while he was thinking about all of this stuff. Laurie said she had a ''very good time'' with this woman when Howard asked her if she had an orgasm. Everyone wanted to know who the celebrity was but she refused to name the other woman.
Howard had to end the interview after about 45 minutes. Laurie said that you can check out nude photos of her on her web site and all of her girl on girl movies are available there. Howard said she was one of the best guests he's had on the show. Her stories were really hot.
Howard thought it would make for a funny bit so he took a break and let them set Beet up with the ear piece again. Howard said that a bunch of people would tune in late and not know what was going on anyway.
After the break Howard tried it again. This time it worked a little better. Howard would give him a state, Sean would feed Beetlejuice the correct answer and Beet would say what he thought he heard. It wasn't always exactly the right answer but it was close. Robin told Howard it wasn't working but Howard thought otherwise. He thought it was funny enough to continue it for a while.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and pretended he didn't know it was a goof. He gave Beet some states and got some half-correct answers from Beet. Dominic ended up cracking himself up and said something about the ear piece as Howard hung up on him. A couple of other callers seemed to believe that it was a real thing so Howard played along with them for a little while too. Sometimes Beetle would get the answer right on and other times, like with Sacramento, he'd give a bizarre answer. For Sacramento he said something like ''ahtos.'' For Juno, Alaska he said ''Junos'' and for Albany, New York he said ''Albanies.'' Close enough for an idiot savant.
Howard started to do another Beetlejuice bit but gave up on it pretty quick. KC had done a ''Homeless Game'' type thing with Beetle but after the second question Howard gave up on it saying that it was just dumb.
Howard then brought in the other dwarf that was there with Beet. Big Papa is Beetlejuice's body guard. He's also the dwarf that was messing around with the whore out in the green room earlier in the show. Howard questioned him for a couple of minutes about how he met Beet. Howard said Big Papa looks kind of like Billy Bob Thornton. KC said he looks more like Aaron Lewis from the band Staind. Howard spoke to Beet about the anthrax stuff that's going on. Beet was clueless of course but it made for some amusing radio. Visit JollyDwarf.com for more info on Beetlejuice.
After taking a break Howard came back and said that Beetle had to get going because he had a flight to catch. Meanwhile, John the Stutterer came back in and Howard learned that he gave oral sex to one of the whores out in the green room. The E! guys played tape of it so Howard could watch it. Howard said John did it without any protection and questioned him how he could do something like that to a prostitute. John doesn't have a problem with it and said he really enjoys it.
When General Manager Tom Chiusano heard about what happened he came down to kick John out of the building. Tom said that he crossed the line and should be kicked out of the building. Howard agreed that he may have crossed the line but didn't think that he should be kicked out. Howard convinced Tom that John didn't know that he was doing wrong and he was allowed to stay. Tom then went out and yelled at Gary and Mike Gange because they didn't stop it soon enough. Gange filmed the scene and Tom thought he should have stopped it instead. Tom apparently told Gange that he works in a business-like environment and he shouldn't let anything like that go on. Howard goofed on Tom a little bit for the way he talks to people and Tom didn't appreciate that either. It was a very odd situation but John did get to hang around after the controversy.
Howard asked Jay about some comments Jerry Lewis made about female comics not being funny. Jay said that's not true and there are plenty of funny female comics. Howard also thinks that some guy comics lose their touch after a while. Jay said that comics who quit the business can never get back into it because they lose their touch. Howard mentioned Robert Klein as an example. Jay said that you have to stay in the business to stay sharp so that's what he does. He still does gigs 3-4 nights a week. He said Jerry Seinfeld is still doing gigs also but he might not want people to know that.
Howard also spoke to Jay about the Tonight Show and how he just signed a new 5 year contract. Jay says he never touches the money he makes on the show, he uses the money he makes as a stand-up comic to support himself. He figures that way if he ever gets fired he has plenty to fall back on.
Whoopi Goldberg called in while Jay was still there. She didn't come in to visit because she's on the set of a TV movie. Howard kept asking her when she got banged last. She didn't really want to talk about that so she asked Howard what was up with his life. He talked about his divorce a little bit and depressed everyone.
Howard told Whoopi that she has to get down to do the show while he's there. She said she's too busy with the movie so she won't be able to make it. She said she'll be in New York in March so she'll come on the show then. Howard said he'll take her out to dinner when she comes to the city. Whoopi got off the phone so Howard wrapped things up with Jay. He asked Jay if he's heard from Johnny Carson lately. Jay said he hasn't spoken to him in a while but when they do call him for tape from the old Tonight Show, he's very gracious.
Joey only had a short time he could stay so Howard quickly went through the interview. He asked him about getting laid and what it must be like to be so famous. Joey said he has a girlfriend who he's been with for 9 years now and they have a 6 month old baby together so he's not out getting laid. Howard also asked Joey about his band mate Justin who is dating Britney Spears. Howard asked Joey if he knows for a fact that Britney is actually still a virgin. Joey said he really doesn't discuss that with Justin. He said they don't discuss their sexual accomplishments with each other. He tried to avoid answering those type of questions when Howard asked them.
Howard told Joey he gets the idea that Britney and Justin are doing everything but having sex so she must be giving him oral. Once again Joey said he doesn't know. Howard asked him if he's ever smelled Justin's fingers but Joey just laughed and said ''no.''
Howard had a few notes on Joey that claimed he dated a few famous people like Minnie Driver, Rachel Hunter and Chyna from the WWF but Joey said that he was just friendly to them and he never dated any of them.
Howard brought up the MTV Video Music Awards and how 'N Sync did a performance with Michael Jackson. Howard asked Joey how freaky that guy is. Joey said he's really a nice guy but Howard cut him off and said that he's also met him and he knows that he's freaky. Howard had a meeting with him and it looked like his nose was melting off his face. Joey said that he feels sorry for the guy because he's had so much surgery on his face that it's ruined his nose. Robin told him not to feel sorry for the guy because he did it to himself.
Howard started to get into how the band got started but he was getting the signal that Joey had to get going so he had to wrap up the interview. He took one quick phone call and plugged the movie and the upcoming video ''The Real 'N Sync'' which is backstage stuff with the band. That tape comes out in December.
After leaving Rosie's show he went on to produce ''Vibe'' and then met Adam and Jimmy and now produces ''The Man Show.'' He had a few other stories that he talked about after Adam and Jimmy brought them up. He said one time he saw Rosie in her underwear. He didn't get into too many details about what she looked like but everyone had a pretty good idea what a sight that must have been.
Howard said he's heard that Rosie was known to throw stuff around the set when she'd get upset. Dan didn't say anything about that but either Jimmy or Adam said ''...barnyard animals can be ornery...''
Howard immediately got into a discussion about her weight and how she still looked fat the last time she was on the show. He said that when guys see women at say 160 pounds and 5'4'' tall, they look fat to them. Guys don't really know if they're going up or down in weight. The woman might be satisfied with having lost 100 pounds but she still looks big to guys according to Howard. Carnie said that she is now down to 145 pounds and she wears a size 6... and she's happy with that. Carnie had an operation where they stapled her stomach so it was much smaller than normal. She lost a ton of weight but Howard was still telling her that she's not down to the ideal weight yet. He asked her if she is doing any exercise. She said she walks but Howard thinks she should run. Carnie told Howard that running is bad for your knees so she only does a light jog once in a while. Howard said that's not true and she should be running. Artie Lange said he lost weight by using cocaine. Not the ideal way to do it but it worked.
Howard interrogated Carnie about everything she does in her life. He found out that she plans to have more surgery to improve her appearance. She's going to have a tummy tuck to get rid of the nasty looking fat on her stomach and she'll probably do other stuff. Carnie also said she's planning on having a baby at some point. Howard said that just means she'll get fat again. He complimented her on having a great face but didn't say the same thing about her body. He continued to tell her that she still needs to lose another 20 pounds or so. Meanwhile, she'll be autographing copies of her new book at Barnes and Noble at 600 5th Ave and 48th St. in New York City tomorrow from 12:30pm to 1:30pm.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Carnie before ending the interview. One guy told Howard he was all wrong about some of his diet advice. Howard insists he knows more than Carnie and the caller though. Another caller said that Carnie would still be fat if she hadn't had the surgery. Carnie agreed but said she needed an aid to help her lose weight and that's the route she chose for herself. Yet another caller said that Howard has the genes that allow him to maintain his weight. Howard had to explain to her that at one point in his life he weighed 250 pounds. He didn't know how to eat correctly and his family did an intervention and straightened him out. He was always sick and his family didn't like what they saw. He's been dieting and exercising ever since.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that she needs to cut out some of the food she's still eating. She ended up calling him a ''schmuck'' and Ralph called her ''fatso'' so things got a little heated. Ralph also said that Carnie isn't comfortable with her body even though she claims she is. She's going to have more surgery including breast implants so she's really not comfortable with her body.
Ralph was in the back room at the studio so he ended up coming into the studio to evaluate Carnie. Ralph said she does look good but she needs to lose a few more pounds. He suggested 10 pounds but Howard said it's more like 15 that she needs to lose. Carnie eventually went over and let Howard hug her and feel her to see if she really does need to lose that much. Howard said 10 pounds would be good but if she lost 20 she'd be ''smokin.''
Howard went on to interview Bob mostly about his divorce and his new TV show ''Raising Dad'' which airs on the WB Friday nights at 9:30pm. Howard and Bob shared stories about their failed marriages and new relationships. Bob has had a girlfriend or two over the past couple of years since his divorce. Howard told Bob that he'll never live with another person but he is in love with his current girlfriend Beth.
Later in the interview a caller complained that Howard never talked about the celebrities who he dated before his current girlfriend. Howard finally confirmed that he went on a few dates with Robin Givens and Angie Everhart. Gary came in a short time later and had a list of 50 questions that a listener sent in for Howard to answer. They all had to do with Howard's divorce and what it's like when he visits his ex-wife now. Howard answered all of the questions that Gary asked and it sounds like Howard is still friendly enough with Alison that they still talk. Howard said they're not as close as they used to be. The questions got more and more personal about Howard and Beth's relationship but Howard answered them the best he could. Questions were about everything like whether or not he goes to her apartment to hang out to whether or not she has one of Howard's credit cards to use. It hasn't gotten that far according to Howard. He said it won't get that far either. One of the questions was about why Howard claimed that he never went anywhere with his wife but now he goes out everywhere with his girlfriend. Howard said he really hasn't changed in that way. He said that he did go out with his wife, just not enough. He said now he still stays home during the week and only goes out on the weekends. The caller who started this whole conversation stayed on the phone and seemed to be happy that Howard was finally talking about all of this stuff. Howard found it odd that the interview was focused on him even though Bob Saget was sitting there. Bob did get to say a few things during this grilling. He shared similar stories about the changes that take place after a divorce. After all of that Howard had to wrap up the interview so he could move on to other things. He plugged Bob's new TV show and pointed out that he's competing with his old co-star John Stamos who has his own TV show on Friday nights.