Howard then got into the game with Robin and asked her a bunch of these questions from ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire.'' Robin was doing okay but she had to use her ''lifelines'' on a couple of questions but she got up to the $250,000 question before she ran out. She used the last one, her phone-a-friend on a question about a 1941 book question. Fred was her ''friend'' and he didn't know the answer so he gave Robin his best guess. Robin went with it anyway and ended up blowing the game because she went with Fred's guess. Of course she says she wouldn't have risked it if she were actually on the show and she had $125,000 at stake. Everyone thinks she would have gone for it no matter what though.
Everyone ended up goofing on KC about how he ran out of the city last week after the terrorist attack. The next day he went to a tanning booth on his way back to the city so that became the subject of attack on KC. Howard's buddy Ralph was in this morning and even he was goofing on KC about the whole thing. Howard told KC he should just admit that he couldn't handle the situation last week and he had to run home to Long Island to get away from it all. KC eventually admitted that he has a problem when he's not in control of a situation and he had to hang out on Long Island for a day to see what was going to happen. The goofing went on for quite a while until Howard had to take a commercial break.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Jason about the other ex-Seinfeld stars and whether or not he's happy that Michael Richards' show failed. Jason said he's not really happy about it but he would have felt worse if the other stars had gone on to do great things and he hadn't. After Michael Richards' show failed Jason said he wondered if he knows something that Richards didn't. His show might just fail like Michael's did.
Howard and Jason also spent a few minutes discussing the new ''Star Trek'' TV show ''Enterprise.'' Howard watched the new show and said he really liked it. He said he even liked Scott Bakula as the captain. Jason said he hasn't watched it yet but he does have it on his TiVo ready to watch. He has always been a big Star Trek fan and he's even gone to at least one convention.
Howard moved on to talk about Jason's visit to Ground Zero yesterday. Howard thinks that a lot of celebrities are doing that just for photo-ops But Jason said he just wanted to see what was going on down there. He ended up getting escorted around by a cop who recognized him. He ended up going to a firehouse to help cheer up some of the families of the fire fighters who are missing in the disaster. He didn't plan on doing that though, it just happened.
Jason told Howard a story about going to the Scores strip club a few years ago. He claimed that he never got a table dance. He said he just sat at the bar and had a Diet Coke or something like that. The next day in the paper they said that he'd been there for 4 days getting lots of table dances but none of that was true. Howard told him he has to go down there with them because Howard will show him how to do it right.
Mike Walker from the National Enquirer called in to play his game. Before they got to it though, Mike asked Jason a few questions and they got sidetracked. Jason ended up talking about how he's trained in a few martial arts forms and they've come in handy over the years. He told a story about when he was in college and 3 guys attacked him while he was walking home one night. They surrounded him and he took a stance to defend himself. All three guys then attacked him at once but he was able to throw a kick and a punch and managed to get out of the situation without getting hurt. Howard and the crew seemed impressed that he was able to do that. Mike Walker was also glad to get a story like that out of Jason... it'll probably end up in the Enquirer.
Mike finally got around to playing his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a few more minutes with Jason plugging his stuff before wrapping up the interview. Jason got a few plugs in for ''Bob Patterson'' and Howard mentioned that Jason will be in the new movie ''Shallow Hal'' which opens in theaters in the near future.
The excitement in the studio was very high when Paul showed up. You could hear it in both Howard and Robin's voices that they were thrilled to have Paul there.
Paul told Howard that he has heard and seen his show on occasion. He said he'd listen in his car once in a while. His limo driver actually told him not to do Howard's show because he's so nasty but Paul decided to give it a try anyway.
Howard said that Paul must be one of the most loving guys in the world because he stayed with Linda so long. Howard seems to think that Paul could have had his choice of any woman but he stayed with Linda for 30 years. He claims that he was with her almost every day of his life from the time they were married until Linda died. The longest period he stayed away was when he was arrested in Japan for marijuana possession. He spent a short time telling Howard about that experience and how he thought he was going to be serving 7 years hard labor over there. Paul also told Howard he got his ''rock star'' lifestyle out of his system before he met Linda so he was ready to settle down with her. He also said everything was different with her when he met her.
Howard also questioned Paul about Yoko Ono and how she actually met him before she met John Lennon. Then she claimed that she didn't even know who the Beatles were. Paul said he couldn't say too much about Yoko because he could get in trouble with her. He did tell his side of the story though and it sounds like Yoko knew exactly who the Beatles were before she met John. Paul said that life's too short to worry about stuff like that though.
Howard asked Paul why he wasn't involved in the John Lennon Tribute that took place a few weeks ago. Paul said he had other things to do and he also thought it would be a little weird for him to be there singing the songs. Howard also brought up how Julian Lennon wasn't invited to the tribute. Once again Paul didn't want to get into that whole discussion in public.
Howard asked Paul what he thought about the rumor that their manager gave John Lennon oral sex at one point. Paul said that his theory was that it never happened. Paul said that whenever he saw John, whether he was sober or not, he was always with a woman.
Howard brought up Paul's current fiancee Heather and asked if his kids are still upset that he's going to get married. Paul said they've come around recently and they're not upset about the marriage. Howard seemed to think that the kids would be upset about losing their inheritance to their stepmother but Paul said he told them that won't happen. Paul also told Howard how he has tried to raise his kids like normal kids. He sent them to public schools so they'd grow up without being spoiled rich kids. He wanted them to experience real people so they'd respect them like he had to do. Paul told Howard that 15 months after Linda died he met Heather and he felt guilty that he was going with another woman. He said he walked around alone and asked Linda to give him a sign if it was okay to be going out with this other woman. He said he heard an owl hoot and he took that as a yes.
Michael Jackson's name also came up. Michael owns the publishing rights to the Beatles songs. Paul said he used to have a good relationship with Michael until he got the publishing rights. After that Paul said he wrote to Michael asking him for a raise on his royalties but he doesn't ever get an answer so he doesn't have much of a relationship with him anymore. He finds the whole situation ironic. Paul does own a lot of publishing rights to a lot of songs. He said he got advice from his father-in-law when he got married to Linda. He suggested that Paul invest his money in a music publishing company and that's what he ended up doing. It took all of the money he had at the time but it's paid off in the long run. Paul said it was very risky but he lucked out.
Howard has heard over the years that Paul would sometimes play drums instead of Ringo on some of their songs. Paul said that sometimes that would happen and no one else in the band would hold it against him. He said he'd sometimes play some of George Harrison's guitar parts too if he thought it would help the song. He said the other guys were cool with it.
Howard heard that Paul disliked Elvis' cover of ''Yesterday'' so he asked him about that. Paul said that he doesn't hate any of the cover versions of their songs. He said that the Elvis cover was funny because he screwed up the lyrics at one point. Howard played him a few clips from the cover songs from Ella Fitzgerald, Bing Crosby and William Shatner. They all got a few laughs out of the songs.
Howard plugged Paul's new album ''Driving Rain'' which comes out November 13th. He also played the new single that Paul has coming out called ''Lover to a Friend.'' The proceeds from the song will go to the families of the police and fire department employees who were lost in the September 11th tragedy. Paul said that he was sitting in an airplane on the runway getting ready to fly back to England when the tragedy happened. He could actually see the smoke from the World Trade Center out the window of the plane. He's also playing a concert this Saturday that will also go to help those lost in the tragedy. Howard took a few phone calls including one from Vinnie Favale who was upset he wasn't allowed in the studio today. Howard told Vinnie earlier in the show that he ruined the Ringo Starr interview recently so he didn't want him doing the same to Paul's interview. Vinnie asked Paul a couple of questions and Howard cut him off. After the phone calls Howard let Paul go and took a break.
After the break Howard said that he was almost speechless when Paul walked in the studio. Gary said he was watching it on the monitor and it was a big deal when he came in.
Howard moved on to talk to Jon Hein about some more Jump the Shark stuff. They talked about a couple of actors who have jumped the shark and also about some bands and when they jumped. Someone asked if there were any shows that never jumped the shark. Jon said that there are some that people say never jumped but most of them were only on for a short time. A few examples were:
|Question||Caller Says||Hooters Girl Answer||Correct?|
|What is 10% of 200?||N||No idea||N|
|Is Australia a city or a continent?||N||Continent||Y|
|What country is the Eiffel tower in?||N||Paris, France||Y|
|What does a Proctologist examine?||N||No idea||N|
|How many seconds are in 3 minutes?||Y||Not good at math||N|
|In what state would you find New Orleans?||N||Louisiana||Y|
|What does a seismograph measure?||N||Don't know||N|
|The 3 states of matter are Solid, Liquid and..||N||Gas||Y|
|NYPD stands for what?||Y||New York Police Department||Y|
Howard took a bunch of phone calls from listeners and most, if not all, of the callers told Donald that he's gay and he should just admit it. Howard asked him what some of his fantasies were like. Donald told Howard about one he had where he and his neighbor were on a log raft floating stranded in the ocean. They were having sex as a ship passed them by and they just kept going at it. Gay! Howard told Donald there's nothing wrong with being gay and he should just admit that he is. Robin asked him if he's ever pleasured himself to the image of a man. Of course he has. He asked Howard if he's ever had gay fantasies. Howard said ''Lets put it this way.. NO!'' He said he never thinks about men at all.
Howard had a test for the guy to perform to see if he really is gay. He told him to take his pinkie finger and put it where the sun don't shine. After a few seconds he asked Donald how far in he'd put that finger. He said he had it up to the second knuckle. Howard told him that proves he's gay. Howard said he wouldn't be able to get any of his finger there. He'd only get as far as rubbing if anything at all. Howard went on for a few minutes trying to convince Donald to take his cell phone over to his neighbor so they could break the news to him but that didn't happen. Donald still refused to admit that he's gay. Howard told him to call back if he ever does do anything with his neighbor.
3 Doors Down
Montel came in looking all pumped up. Howard and Robin were both surprised that he looks so good for a sick guy. Howard was ready to take off his shirt to show Montel how he's in better shape than him but he changed his mind.
Montel complained that Howard ignores him when he ''scooters by'' Howard's building with his son on the weekends. Howard said he hears his name yelled out all the time and he usually goes on with his business and ignores it. He told Montel that he has to say ''Hey Howard, it's Montel'' to get his attention.
Comedian Greg Fitzsimmons, who was sitting in today, said that Montel ruined all future Friars Club Roasts because he got upset with Ted Danson when he put on black face to roast Whoopi Goldberg. He said that now they don't allow anyone to record the shows and they're televising the shows. Montel was apparently so upset over the whole thing that he walked out during the roast.
Howard brought up Montel's ex-wife and how Howard always called her a stripper but Montel would deny that she was ever a stripper. Now that he's left his wife he's willing to admit that she was a stripper. Howard thinks that Montel stopped talking to him because of that whole thing. Montel said that wasn't the reason though. He went on to talk about why he and his wife split and he blames it all on himself. Howard warned Montel that the marriage wouldn't work 10 years ago. He told him to get a pre-nuptial agreement but Montel didn't listen and now he's paying for that. Howard thinks the ex-wife must have gotten a lot of money out of him because he's got to be worth big bucks after being on TV for 10 years. Montel said he makes about 35% less money than a comparable white guy on TV... He was saying that as a joke though. He was kidding around to hide the fact that he makes a lot of money from his ex-wife.
Howard asked Montel what he thinks of Jennifer Lopez's use of ''nigga'' in her latest song. Montel said he doesn't use the word himself but he's never taken offense to it either. He sees that it's being used in a lot of rap songs and it doesn't really bother him but he'd like to see people move on and just let it go.
Montel spent the rest of the interview talking about his illness Multiple Sclerosis and how he's dealing with it by working out and snowboarding. He has pain in his feet and ankles and the snowboarding helps him work on his feet. He works out to stay in shape for his future. He wrote his workout book ''BodyChange'' with his trainer. Montel said he's very happy with his life right now because he has four great kids, 3 of which are named Montel, and he's enjoying his life.
Howard took a few phone calls for Montel and wrapped up the interview after only 40 minutes or so.
Gary is going out tonight. He's taking a bunch of listeners to a Yankees game. One of those listeners is Sal the Stockbroker who came in for a quick visit today. Sal has plans to goof on Gary all night. He had on a t-shirt that says ''Monkey Patrol'' on it and he was dressed up like that Crocodile Hunter guy. He'll be the ''Monkey Hunter'' at tonight's game.
Gary set his sights on Stuttering John after being goofed on for too long. He wondered what John's work hours are because he usually just leaves after the show. John said he usually has nothing to do after the show and he leaves around 11 or so. Gary says he shortened his hours without telling anyone and he wanted that straightened out. Howard didn't let this argument go on too long. He made John's hours 5:45am to Noon and that was that. If there's nothing to do John said he'll just sit there and stare at a wall if that's what Gary wants him to do. Gary said there's always something to do around the office but John just doesn't ask him. Howard told Gary he's got to tell John what to do or he'll just sit and stare at the wall. John's not motivated to do much of anything so he has to be told what to do.
Howard tried to get into the game but contestant number one, John the Stutterer, had a problem with this guy James who is a paraplegic. Apparently the two of them got into an altercation in the green room. John tried to explain what happened but he was stuttering up a storm so bad it took him 5 minutes to get the story out. He said that James had asked him if he wanted to have sex with him and then he defended Yucko the clown about being a child molester so John called him a ''fag'' and they got into an argument. Howard kept interrupting John so he kept stuttering more and more and kept starting his sentences over again and again. It was crazy.
Howard said John the Stutterer's problem was obvious to everyone so he didn't need to explain much more about why he should win this game. The second contestant was this guy James who's in a wheelchair. He ended up telling Howard he'd forfeit the win to Yucko the Clown because he can't feel anything below his waist anyway. The only reason he was on the show was to find funding for a vehicle he could drive with his mouth like he does with his wheelchair.
The third contestant was this 21 year old virgin Alex who is just over weight. He says he tries everything to lose weight and get chicks but he just can't do it. He even has some big man-boobs that look really odd because he doesn't have any chest hair. Everyone said he looks like a chick.
After quickly going through each one of the contestants Howard made his decision and had everyone else convinced of the same conclusion. Alex is young and good looking enough to get a chick on his own if he just tries a little harder. James the paraplegic doesn't want the win so he's out too. Howard said that even though John the Stutterer has gotten laid once in his life, there's little chance of that happening again. So it was a unanimous vote for John the Stutterer to win the trip to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch bordello. John the Stutterer was stuttering and stammering up a storm like he's rarely done in past appearances. He seemed to be upset about the whole name calling thing with James which made his stutters longer and more intense than usual.
Dixie Cupps ended up getting naked to show the losers what they lost out on. She had giant breasts and a tattoo of a banjo on her ass according to what everyone was saying. She said she's a country girl and that's why she got the banjo tattoo. John the Stutterer said that he's going to have sex with her if he can when he gets out to the Bunny Ranch.
Howard was talking about what a body this guy has and how every chick must want him. He also said he read about Mark making out with some Revlon model by the name of Rhea. Mark says he never met the woman but Howard said he saw pictures. Howard also brought up a story from when he last saw Mark out in Malibu, California. Howard was hanging out with Carmen Electra and a couple of her friends. When one of her friends saw Mark she told Howard she'd love to just ''do'' Mark one time just to feel him because he's got such a great body. Howard said he'd introduce the two of them but he never got around to it.
Howard tried to get some information out of Mark about the ''famous broads'' that he's banged but Mark was keeping quiet about that stuff. He did admit to ''dating'' a few famous chicks that Howard mentioned, like Reese Witherspoon and a couple of models, but he wasn't talking about his sexual experiences.
Howard asked him about what kinds of sex he might have had also. He asked about threesomes and stuff like that but Mark was still keeping quiet. Howard asked him if he's ever had a Blumpkin (oral sex while sitting on a toilet taking a dump) but Mark didn't know what it was so he's obviously never had that. He said he didn't think he'd ever want it either. Howard said he'd love to have that because he'd love to humiliate a woman.
Howard also questioned Mark about the rumor that Matt Damon was obsessed with him at one point in his life. Mark said he knew nothing about that. He said he knows Matt and as far as he knows, he was never obsessed with him.
Howard took a bunch of quick phone calls and wrapped up the interview with Mark. ''Planet of the Apes'' opens this Friday. Howard also mentioned that Mark will be on ''Late Show with David Letterman'' tonight.
Gary interviewed a couple of other guys including Soupy Sales. Howard said that one is really sad because the poor guy is so old sounding. Howard said he's made up with Soupy in the past few years and he thought that Gary should have just left him alone. When he played the tape Soupy sounded like he's really aged. It really was sad to hear it and it wasn't really a funny interview... interesting but not funny.
Howard went through a bunch of other celebrity names that Henry mentioned in one of his books. He bad mouthed people like Eric Clapton, Michael Bolton, Courtney Love, Rosie O'Donnell, Morrissey, The Offspring, Sylvester Stallone and Sting's wife Trudy Styler.
Howard asked Henry if there are any bands out there today that he enjoys. Henry said he really hasn't heard any of the current bands playing. He said he's gotten to the age where he says ''back in my day'' there was better music and more talented bands. He talked about how years ago bands actually needed some talent to create a great album but today the production studios change everything around to make horrible stuff sound good. He also said it's all about the look of the artist and the show they put on instead of the pure talent.
Howard kept going through all of the notes in his hand and he'd ask Henry about more and more bands and other performers that he wasn't a fan of. He's not a fan of Jim Carrey's movie's and although he's never seen an Adam Sandler movie, he's a fan of his from Saturday Night Live. Howard agreed that Sandler was funny on SNL but he doesn't think his movies are any good. Henry finally started talking about some of the bands he does like after Howard played a little bit of his new album and took some phone calls. Henry is a fan of Van Halen, Metallica's and the Grateful Dead. He said the Grateful Dead had one of the best rhythm sections he's ever heard. Howard took a few more phone calls and played some more of the Rollins Band's new single ''Your Number is One'' before wrapping up the interview. Some of the callers think that Henry is just a jealous, bitter, angry guy because of the way he was bad mouthing the other bands but it was just his opinions that Howard was bringing up. Henry defended his right to say what he wants about other bands without getting upset by the phone calls.
Croy has been on the show many times in the past talking about her ''stolen architecture.'' Today she showed up with a broken arm and a confession to make about her age. In the past she's said that she's only 29 years old. Today she said she discovered she's actually 56. She found this out when she fell and broke her arm. She said she lost her balance in her high heels and broke her arm. She started to talk about her architecture again but at one point she just broke down and started to cry for some reason. Then she called Howard ''cheap'' for not giving her more than $500 for her exclusive story that she gave sometime in the past. Howard and KC had no idea what she was talking about though. He's never given her any money. He said they just let her come on the show to talk about whatever she wants to. She told Howard she was mad at him and that's why she was on the show today. Then she just walked out of the studio. Howard had no idea what just happened. Robin wondered if she banged her head when she fell and broke her arm.
Howard then brought in this guitar player Lavorsier. Pronounced la-voor-see-AY. He had his girlfriend Samantha with him and he wanted to play some of his music for Howard. He wants a record deal so he came in to play for all of the record company guys who listen to the show. Howard let him play his first song ''Sun Kissed Girl'' for about 30 seconds. Howard wasn't sure if the guy was tuning his guitar or playing a song at first. Then he started to sing and it sounded pretty awful. Howard wouldn't tell the guy that though. He told him it was ''Uh, different.'' He told him it's a new sound that he just doesn't get but a younger generation might get it. Artie Lange said he got it and liked it. It had a little (very little) bit of a Jimi Hendrix sound to it but it was more like a 12 year old learning to play in his garage Hendrix sound than a guy who has been playing for 15 or 20 years. Lavorsier played another song of his, ''Nasty'', which had a more rockin' sound to it but, once again, sounded like a kid learning to play in his garage. Howard took a couple of phone calls from the audience to find out what they thought. The few calls he took didn't have anything good to say about it. One caller claimed to be John from Epic Records and he said there might be something there. We don't know if he was a legitimate caller though.
Lavorsier's girlfriend had some stuff to say about Stuttering John before she left. She said she hates John and that she almost vomits when she sees him on the E! show. Apparently John has been keeping them from getting on the show for years now and she was upset over it. John didn't seem to care though. He came in and let her vent on him before Howard wrapped up the segment.
The subject changed when KC started talking about his ''self-tanner'' that he used to keep his skin tone just right. He said over the weekend he had this spray on crap that he put on after taking a shower. He told Howard he sprayed himself down and later that night he had an allergic reaction to it. He broke out in hives after using the stuff. He went and got some cortisone to put on that night around midnight. He said one side of his body cleared up but the other side got it. He eventually went to the Doctor and it was starting to clear up. The Doctor was going to write him a prescription for something to get rid of it but KC didn't stick around long enough to get it. He went home and found that the hives were in his ears and on his knees. He then called poison control late last night. They told him that if it was something he sprayed on it wouldn't stick around so long. He's baffled by the whole thing. Gary thinks that it's mental but KC doesn't believe you can make yourself break out in hives just by thinking. He thinks that it got into his lungs and infected his whole body.