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Howard started off the show saying that Norm Macdonald would be stopping in today. He looked over the football pool picks and said that both Artie and Daniel Carver lost their picks this weekend. Sanders the Chicken had a push so he's not too far behind. Gary the Retard is also behind a little bit with another loss. Here's how everyone stands at this point:
Howard took a call from a guy who complained about Robin's review of ''The Matrix Revolutions'' because it actually sucked unlike what Robin said about it recently. Robin said that the whole E! crew went to see it on Robin and Richie's reviews and they all hated it. She said they jokingly told Richie he was fired for telling them that it was great. Howard is still on the DVDs for Steven Spielberg's Taken mini-series and he said it's tough to keep up a good thing because it all falls apart toward the end. He said he could have done without the last 2 DVDs in the set. Robin said she must be a Matrix geek because she liked the movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the VH-1 special that they ran where they had ugly guys and hot chicks and featured Howard. Howard said they stopped running it after he went off on the head of the company. The caller pointed out that he was being hypocritical and Howard admitted that he is but he doesn't want to see that special run again. He said if they do run it again, he'll continue to go off on the woman who runs VH-1. The caller asked Howard if that show affected his relationship with Beth at all. He claims that it didn't and she still seems to think that he's a great guy. That led to Howard and the guy talking about penis size and how Beth tells him that he's big down there even though he's only a little bit over 6 inches. Howard also pointed out that Angie Everhart said that he was a great lover. He said that means a lot to him but the caller was wondering if she just says that because he was good at foreplay. Howard said she didn't qualify that, it was just a general statement.
The caller said that he had a woman who said that he was a great lover but she never let him do anal. He talked about how Robin just let loose one time and let a guy do anal in a bathroom. The guy said that he's really agile and good in bed but when it comes down to that he just can't get it done. Howard said it's got something to do with the woman too and Robin is Robin. He pointed out that her current boyfriend, Mr. X, hasn't been able to get that done either. Howard also gave the guy some advice and told him to never let a woman see him flaccid. He said he should always be semi-aroused when he's naked in front of her. Howard had to wrap up shortly after that so he could take a break.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who told him he's being a crybaby about the VH-1 special that he was featured on as an ''ugly guy.'' Howard said he's not being a cry baby and he's just not going to sit there and take it while they call him ugly. The caller also told Howard that he's glad to see that Ralph isn't in his life as much as he used to be. Howard told him that Ralph just doesn't go out as much as he used to.
Howard said the weather in New York is really cold so he's gotten his change-of-the-season cold again. He said he gets that every single year. He said he doesn't get colds a lot but he does get at least one a year. Robin said she hasn't had a cold since going on ''The Master Cleanser'' diet. Howard told her that she shouldn't have said that because now she'll probably get sick. Howard said some people e-mailed them about Robin and her diet. Some people complained that she was bragging so much about it and all she did was eat less and exercise more. Robin said that she didn't exercise at all though.
Howard read a few other e-mails and some news articles he found interesting. There was one article about the war in Iraq and how some Presidents don't find the right general for the job for quite a while. Howard said that the article gave him a glimmer of hope that we'll eventually win the war.
Robin was bragging more about her magical elixir diet and how she hasn't had a cough or cold since she started it. Artie bragged that he hasn't had a cold for over 2 years. Robin said she doesn't know how he does it. Howard said that Artie has a germ phobia so that's how he probably avoids getting sick.
A listener called in and tried to prove to Howard that there is such a thing as a ''soul.'' Howard gave the guy one minute to ramble on and on to prove that there is such a thing as a soul. There was nothing in his rambling that proved anything. He was talking about hot and cold and all kinds of other nonsense. Howard told him he was boring and didn't prove anything to him. He hung up on him about 10 seconds after his minute was up. Howard said that the guy didn't prove anything and the TV show ''Joan of Arcadia'' is better and showing that God exists than he was. He went on to talk about how he cried while watching that show the other night. He was watching it with his daughter and ended up crying a little bit. He wasn't even sure what it was he cried about.
A listener called in and asked Howard if he doesn't do more TV because his voice isn't modulated as much as it is on the radio. Howard said that's not the reason he doesn't do TV. He does his radio show and a TV show every day so he didn't know what he was talking about. Howard said his voice sounded different on Letterman's show because it's hard to project on that show. That led to Howard talking about the Letterman thing again. Another caller asked him why Dave cut him off when he wanted to talk about how radio hasn't changed that much over the past 5 years since he was on Dave's show last. Howard said he was going to talk about how Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura suck and the only person to do something with his career is Ryan Seacrest. He was going to make a joke.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel wrote him a letter saying that it was almost like Howard was saying goodbye to David Letterman when he appeared on the show. Howard said it did kind of feel that way when he was sitting there talking to him. Artie said they both started at the same time in New York at NBC so there are some parallels in their lives. Howard said it did seem like they were at peace while they had their conversation.
A listener called in and said he was at a Andrew ''Dice'' Clay concert the other night and someone yelled out ''Howard Stern!'' and Dice lost it. He said it was the only thing that wasn't staged that night. The caller said that Jim Norton blew him off the stage that night. Howard wondered if Dice has gone bald yet. The caller said that he doesn't look bald unless he's using that spray on hair stuff. Howard said that he's gotten Dice out of his system but it seems like Dice hasn't been able to do that with him yet. Howard talked about how big of a douche Dice was to them and how he just blew everything with the TV show he had and the way he treated him years ago.
Howard and the guys talked about the Elizabeth Smart TV special that aired the other night. Howard talked about how strange the family was hiring a homeless guy to work on their house. He later went on to kidnap their daughter. Howard said the parents should have been thrown into jail for doing something dopey like that. Howard also talked about the Jessica Lynch story TV movie. He said it seems like the only thing that happened was a traffic accident. Howard went on to talk about the Elizabeth Smart thing a little more after that. He said the family has put out a book about their experience. He said that they should have been held responsible for hiring a homeless guy. They've been doing every TV show they can. Howard joked that they said they're going to do every TV show but Jimmy Kimmel's. Howard said that Kathie Lee Gifford did Jimmy's show last week and she's not looking so good. Robin told Howard that Kelly Ripa is a huge hit over at ABC now that she's taken over for Kathie Lee. Howard said he loves that and loves Kelly because she says that the show she does with Regis is easy.
Howard said the parents really do have to step in and say something to Paris and Nikki. They're the ones who have to try and get their kids under control before they try to sue someone for putting out that sex tape. Howard and the guys all spent a few minutes talking about that whole situation.
Howard mentioned some of the stuff they have coming up on the show soon including the Smartest Stripper Contest. Gary came in a short time later and said he had a night out at Scores on Saturday and spoke to Iliana who is in the finals. He said she's been studying for the game and really wants to win. Howard thought that it was pretty amazing that Gary got a night out away from the family. Gary didn't seem to think it was all that big of a deal though. He said he and his wife switched days of the weekend for taking care of the kids. Howard couldn't get off of that subject and asked Gary about that whole situation. Howard said Gary has to get up early every weekday and then his wife makes him get up early one day on the weekend. Robin said she spoke to Mary about that when they were on vacation together. She said that Mary told her that she never agreed to have a job together with Gary but they did agree to have kids together so Gary has responsibilities. Robin thought that was kind of interesting. Howard told Gary he really has to get divorced because hearing all of this was making him nuts. Gary said that he gets nuts when he hears that Stuttering John's wife wrote him a thank you note after he bought a house. He said that would be great if he could get something like that. John came in a short time later and told Gary that his wife writes thank you notes on his birthday and every holiday he gets a card for.
John told Gary he should ask Mary to get up and take care of the kids on the weekend since he's going out and making extra money doing appearances. Howard told him that he really should straighten her out and demand that he be able to sleep for 2 lousy days on the weekend. Gary said he was unaware of all of this until Robin brought that up. Unfortunately Howard had to take a break during this discussion. Fred played the clip of Jack Nicholson yelling at his wife in the movie ''Carnal Knowledge'' as they went to break.
Howard said that it's amazing that Tupac Shakur is still making a ton of money even though he's dead. He brought in $12 million from September 2002 to September 2003. Howard joked that they're going to replace Craig Kilborn with Tupac.
Howard went to see the play ''Wicked'' over the weekend with his daughter and it was actually really good. He said when you see the witches singing in the play you fall in love with them. He said the play is about Oz before Dorothy gets there. Howard said he was obsessed with one of the girls after the show and had to go look at her picture on the web to see what she looks like. He said it explains a lot but he didn't want to give anything away for those people who want to see the play. He said that there was a lot of singing where there should have been talking going on though. Howard said his daughter and her friend were great at the play as well. He said he really likes his kids. Robin said he should like them but Howard told her that not all kids are good and some people aren't so thrilled with them. Howard used High Pitch Erik as an example.
A listener called in and complained about Howard blowing him off on the street one day when he said hello to him. Howard told the guy that he doesn't do personal appearances on the street so he doesn't spend a lot of time talking to people. He said he'd nice to everybody but he's not going to jump up and down for them.
Howard said he went to a party for his Aunt Sally at Bay Plaza in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn and it was really good food. His aunt just turned 85 years old. Howard said she still smokes at that age. He said she had to get up and go outside to smoke a cigarette. Howard said she was always nice to him when he was a kid so he felt like he had to go see her at this party. He said she's in pretty good shape for her age. His father is still in good shape too and he's 81.
Howard said he went to Dominic's favorite restaurant Il Molino and the food is great there. Robin wondered what Dominic does now that he has had his stomach stapled. Howard said he asked them if he still comes in there and they told him he does. Howard said he had pasta and a bunch of other stuff so he had to take two ''wicked dumps'' the next day. Robin said she didn't need to know that. Howard said he woke up and smelled like a garlic pit the next morning.
Howard interrupted that to ask Ronnie if he's dying his beard. Ronnie wondered what Howard's problem was today. Gary came in a minute later and interrupted that conversation to say that he and Doug were discussing how Chaunce has a weird way of interpreting stuff that happens there. He said Chaunce was there the other day and got pissed when he brought up some girls for some bit they were going to do. The bit got canceled and Gary had to boot the girls out. Chaunce wrote a nasty e-mail to Doug from E! and said he was treated poorly. Chaunce said he brought the girls up as a favor and they weren't offered anything, not even a bumper sticker or a t-shirt. Doug backed Gary up and said that he did apologize for what had happened but Chaunce interpreted it differently.
A couple of callers including Jeff the Drunk called in to say that Ronnie really is out of control. He said he gets yelled at by Ronnie and he's out of control. Artie did his impression of Jeff and goofed on him screwing up and calling Ronnie ''Chaunce'' accidentally.
Chaunce was bashing Ronnie a little more so Ronnie kept changing the subject and tried to get him to talk about his broken elbow. Ronnie also goofed on him for getting on the show because he has a broken penis. The two of them went at each other for a couple of minutes. Ronnie said that Chaunce's family all hate him because he's such a mess. Chaunce goofed on him about being ScoresMan923 and Ronnie goofed on his broken penis and working for a free magazine.
A listener called in and said he works there at the station and Ronnie really is an angry guy who's just as much of a loser as the people he's goofing on. Ronnie just said ''Yeah right'' to all of that stuff. Another caller said they should let the two of them fight with one another. Howard asked Ronnie if he could take him on. Stuttering John came in and said that Ronnie has gotten pissed at him for putting Chaunce's calls through. After hearing some of the stuff the two of them were saying, Gary told Ronnie that he really should just kick Chaunce's ass.
John's assistant Jillian called in and said that Ronnie really is a gentleman. Howard found it hard to believe that John has an assistant. Howard and the guys asked her what she does for him. She said she does mailings and stuff for him but wouldn't get into details. Artie joked that she brings him his wallet when he forgets it. She lost 185 pounds so they talked to her about that for a minute. Gary said she's really hot now that she's lost all of her weight. Howard said this is the intern that was run over by a guy who took her out one time. John said they didn't believe her story at the time because the story was so crazy. She was so fat that no one believed that she could even get a date. Howard asked her what happened to the rolls of fat she had after losing that weight. She said Dr. Daniel Baker took care of it. Jillian said that she goes out to lunch with John sometimes and she ends up paying for lunch sometimes. Howard wanted to see what she looks like so she might come in tomorrow. Howard asked Jillian if John pays her for the work she does. She stayed quiet when Howard asked that question and John said she's really not an assistant. She just does stuff for him once in a while. She got a little upset when he wouldn't admit that she's his assistant. Howard told her to come in tomorrow so they can have her model some clothes for them.
Howard was running a little late so he had to take a break before getting to Chaunce's penis. Howard said that there are guys who pleasure themselves by rubbing on the bed like it's a woman and that's where the problems come in. Chaunce said that's a bad idea to do that. Artie said he has done it that way but only on a hotel bed that is really great for doing that. Howard had to interrupt that again and go to break before they got too deep into that discussion.
A listener called in and said the Kidd Chris tape was great. Howard then moved on to a new game he had. He said that there's this Shophar instrument that the Jews play at this time of year. Howard said Benjy is able to blow the Shophar so they had him play a rock song. The caller had to guess what it was. Robin got it right away but the callers who called in had no idea what it was. One guy finally got it right with ''Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.'' Howard gave the guy $500 courtesy of AC/DC - Live at Donington (1991) DVD that's out now. Howard played the real song and Benjy's version along with it. Artie said he's seen this DVD and it's great.
Howard and Chaunce talked about this Paris Hilton sex tape they've both seen. Howard was still saying that the parents really have to get their daughter under control. Howard also said that she doesn't look all that great in the video but it does look like she's good at giving oral. Howard said her parents should just call her home and ask her to limit her behavior.
Howard got back to Chaunce and had him describe what is wrong with his penis. Chaunce said that when he was a kid he would hide his penis under his shirt to masturbate because his mother used to unlock his door and surprise him saying that she knew what he was doing in there. He said as his life sent on he'd rub himself with the shirt over his penis. He said that led to him getting scar tissue which is something called Perronies disease. Howard also pointed out that he broke his elbow last week and also found out that he might have a cancerous tumor in his knee. He said he finds out if it is cancerous later this afternoon. He said he's freaking out about that right now. Howard said he knew someone with that and they're gone now.
Norm Macdonald was there so Howard had him come in for this Chaunce thing. Norm was smoking so Howard asked him to stop. Norm said he just started smoking a week ago. Norm said ''You gotta start sometime man.'' Howard asked him if he was drunk as well. He said something that had to be bleeped. Tom Chiusano followed him in and told Chaunce he has a great doctor for him if he does have cancer.
Chaunce went on to tell Howard and the guys about this problem he has with his penis. There are actually lumps of calcium in his ''erectile sacks'' that cause pain. Chaunce said that this happened one day and the doctors told him he may have to have surgery and lose 2 inches of his penis. He could also leave it alone and possibly never be able to use it again. Norm said that might be something he'd want to consult Dear Abby about.
Howard told Chaunce to go over and show Robin's penis like he said he would. Chaunce said that you have to look pretty close and he wasn't sure Robin would want to do that. She asked for rubber gloves just in case she had to touch it. Chaunce went off to Robin's office and showed it to her. Robin asked him if there really was something to see. He pulled down his pants and Robin gave him an ''Oh my!'' when she saw it. Howard looked over and said it was gross. Howard didn't know why he was showing it to them. Chaunce came in after that. Howard asked him why he showed it to her to begin with. Chaunce said it brings awareness to the condition he has. Norm said that he's the only one who can get the disease though. Howard wrapped up the segment a minute later and gave him a plug for SteppinOutMagazine.com
Howard asked Artie when he last saw Norm. Artie said that he hasn't seen him in like 6 months or so. Norm said he has trouble getting through to him when he calls. Artie said he has a lot of people who call him and don't have that problem... it's just the two most famous guys he knows, Howard and Norm, who do have that problem.
Howard asked Norm if he saw him on Letterman last Thursday night. Howard said that a bunch of guys from E! were in the audience of Letterman and they learned a lot of stuff. He said they learned that the audience has to do certain things. Howard asked for Issac from E! to come in but he wasn't coming in. Robin Radzinski came in and said that they want true fans of the show to get in so they had to say they're fans of Letterman, not of Howard's. Issac wasn't there so Howard said the whole discussion was a waste of time. He went to commercial break right after that.
After the break Howard played a phony phone call Kidd Chris did to Jeff the Drunk and some other people as Norm Macdonald. Jeff knew it wasn't Norm. Most of the other people he called didn't know who Norm Macdonald was. Gary the Retard hung in there with him for a short time but he insulted him so much that he had to hang up. Norm seemed to think the impression was pretty good. Norm went on to tell Howard that he met a guy who impersonates the Pope and he thought that he might be risking a lot posing as the Pope.
Howard asked Norm about his gambling. Norm said that he doesn't gamble anymore. He's now working out and meditating. Howard said Artie told him that Norm used to gamble so much that he'd have one eye on a game while they were shooting the ''Norm'' TV show. Norm told Howard how he's working out and how there are some gay guys at the gym. He was working toward a joke but ended up cursing yet again so we missed out on the punch line. Howard told him that it was cutting out like 30 seconds of the show. He asked Norm to take it easy with that stuff.
Robin wasn't sure if he'd actually quit gambling or not from what he was saying. Norm said he really did stop but he does play Poker once in a while. He said that's not gambling, it's a game of skill.
Howard said the guys from E! came in during the break and they're going to get $500 from everyone and go up to Foxwoods Casino to play in a World Series Poker Game. He said he didn't like the way the game sounded. He said they're going to play Texas Hold 'em and he doesn't like that. Norm said he likes that game and that's real poker to him. Howard went on to ask Norm about the kind of money he used to bet when he was a big gambler. Gary came in and said he heard that Norm has won some big money in these things. He didn't want to say anything because there's this big thing in the U.S. called the I.R.S. and he doesn't want to mention anything about big money.
Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard about these games they play at these casinos. Howard asked why they can't just play there and not go up to a casino to play it. Howard said he just doesn't want to do it.
Howard asked Norm who he's banging these days and if his divorce has gone through. Norm said that his divorce was final years ago so Howard got a little upset with Artie who told them it wasn't final. Howard said they had this chick who claims that Norm banged her but Artie told them not to have her in because his divorce wasn't final.
Norm told the guys that he spends a lot of time with his son who he thinks is 8 years old. He said he's married to his work at this time so he's not really banging any chicks at this time. Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who told Norm that he's a no-talent comedian and even he and Sal the Stockbroker are funnier than he is. Another caller said that Norm is the biggest drip to be on TV. He wondered who Norm is blackmailing to let him on TV.
Zolar called in as a woman and said that Norm is the father of her child. He kept that going for a few seconds until he revealed that he was a dude. He asked Howard to give him a digital camera but he didn't have anymore to give. Howard moved on to Norm's show and talked about the ratings. He said the show had 7.1 million viewers but actually lost 3 million from it's lead in. Howard talked to Norm about the woman who plays his wife and how they make out during the show. That led to Howard asking Norm when the last time he had a woman was. Norm said it's been a long time and it's easier not to have a girlfriend. He said he gets ''Randy'' once in a while so he usually ends up pleasuring himself.
Howard read that Norm ended up getting into a fight with Bob Saget over some comments he made about Bob when he was on Howard's show. Norm said they didn't really get into a fight but Bob wasn't that happy with the comments he made about him. Norm said Bob wasn't the reason ''Dirty Work'' didn't do well. It was a ''smash hit'' according to Norm.
Norm and Artie shared a couple of stories about the old days. Howard also read that Norm was fired from Saturday Night Live years ago and was basically kicked out of show business. He took some time off then did the show ''Norm'' with Artie who played his brother. That show lasted 2 and a half seasons. He took some more time off after that and now he's got the show ''A Minute with Stan Hooper.''
A caller told Howard that he really should watch the movie ''Dirty Work'' because there are some great one liners in the movie. Another caller said that Norm's show is funny but some people just don't get his comedy. Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Saturday Night Live was the best when he was on.
Norm made a comment about how his home country of Canada should have supported the U.S. during the whole Iraq thing. He said he supports President Bush in this whole thing and he believes that the action he took quite possibly saved at least one of their lives. Howard agreed with him there and spent a short time talking about that with him.
Howard asked Norm what other celebrities he hangs out with. Norm said he and Artie hang out with Bob Euker once in a while. Other than that he doesn't have many celebrity friends. Howard moved on to ask Norm about having his son circumcised. He said he did have it done and he had no idea there was such controversy over the whole thing. Howard said he would never do that to his son if he had one. Norm said the hospitals seem to do it for a money making thing. Howard and Norm spent a minute on that before Howard had to take another commercial break. Norm stuck around after the break to sit in during Robin's news.
Norm continued his story about George Miller and how he had some great last words before he died. He said that George was on his death bed and had a male nurse holding his hand to comfort him. He was so out of it he didn't know if it was a male or female nurse. Comedian Bobby Kelton was there visiting him so George asked him if it was a boy or a girl. Norm says Kelton told George that it was a male nurse so George's final word to the nurse before he died was ''Fag!'' Howard had Robin get back to her news shortly after that.
Howard had the one woman who wanted to get naked go right ahead and do that. She was a 97 pound Korean woman. Howard said she looked pretty good. He checked out her ass but Norm wasn't looking over. Howard wondered if he's gay or something. Norm said he's not gay, he just doesn't know the woman. The sex therapist was telling Howard that she could give the woman an orgasm just by touching her the right way. The therapist said that she was able to give this other chick a big orgasm earlier just by hitting that G-spot. She demonstrated it for Howard right there in the studio. The Korean woman was moaning and all but Artie thought she was acting. The sex therapist got in a plug for her web site BetterLoveLife.com after doing her demonstration. Gary came in a minute later and said she was handling her like a bowling ball and her fingers everywhere during that. She said she can teach a guy how to give a woman an orgasm if they wanted. Howard sent Benjy over to give it a try. Benjy pulled his pants down and went over there but the girls were yelling ''No, No!'' as he did that. Howard had to go to break right after that.
After the break Howard talked to Norm about being so uptight about what had just gone on. Norm also talked about how some porn movies don't time things right. He said he was watching one in a hotel room. He was pleasuring himself and all of a sudden they cut to a scene with two dudes in it and all of a sudden there's a story there. Howard told him he needs to pre-watch a porn movie because that can be a problem. He had Robin get back to her news shortly after that.
Howard started off the show talking about the Paris Hilton sex tape and how it's all over the place. He said it's on some web sites already so it's out even though her parents are trying to put a stop to it. Howard said it's comparable to the Pam Anderson tape. He said she looks like she's very much into what she's doing on the tape and there's no evidence that she was ''out of it'' when she shot the video. He said he's never seen someone so into being on camera like that. Robin and Howard talked about how famous Paris is for basically nothing.
Howard said that he read that Larry Flynt from Hustler magazine has apparently purchased nude pictures of Jessica Lynch to protect her from being published. Robin and Gary said they read that he is going to publish them but Howard read that he's not going to publish them. Howard talked about that for a short time but got back to Paris Hilton after a short time. Crazy Cabbie called in and talked about what a hypocrite Jessica Lynch is and how she doesn't appreciate what the guys did to save her when she was over in Iraq. Howard and Cabbie talked about that and about the Paris Hilton video. Cabbie said when one of these girls wants to make a video like that they have to realize that it's going to last forever. Howard said that he's taken pictures and did a video one time but he makes sure he deletes that stuff immediately so it doesn't get out.
Howard and Cabbie also talked about Larry Flynt for a short time as well. Cabbie said that Larry went through a lot to make it possible to publish the stuff that gets published these days. Howard said he has nothing against him but he doesn't buy into the idea that he's a crusader for people's freedom. He got off the phone with Cabbie a short time after that discussion. Cabbie got in a quick mention of the web site HeroMiles.org and his radio show before he got off the line.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Oprah Winfrey and how fat she is. Howard said that she seems to think that she's thin again but she's out of her mind thinking that because she's still fat. Howard had to take a break but he gave a quick mention that Kid Rock was coming in and that the F-Emmy's (FME) start tomorrow.
Howard's breakfast showed up a half hour late so he bitched about that for a short time. He said that the food that came up earlier in the morning had runny eggs and stuff with butter all over it so he couldn't eat it. He sent it back and asked for the right stuff but it came up in the middle of the show and it would be cold by the time he ate it. He told Gary to take that responsibility away from KC who couldn't seem to make it happen when it was supposed to. He said he doesn't know what's going on out there with KC. He and Robin figured it must be because of his medication but Howard said they can't tell him that because he'll stop taking the meds.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Norm Macdonald was great on the show yesterday and wondered why Artie can't be that funny. He said he was just kidding after Howard said that Artie is funny. The caller also made a comment about Robin looking like that movie star Beetlejuice. He got off the line a few seconds later.
Howard got a letter from their Program Director out in Cleveland who sent them some ratings information for the late night that Howard was on Letterman's show. He got some pretty amazing ratings when he was on out there. Howard thanked Dave Jockers for sending him the info.
Howard read some e-mail about Norm Macdonald's appearance yesterday. He said the mail was split between hating him and loving him. He read some of the positive mail and then read some of the negative stuff. Howard read some other mail about a bunch of things from KC being picked on for leaving the station on 9/11 to the picture Howard has up on HowardStern.com.
There was another e-mail about Howard picking on Wayne Brady and how he doesn't deserve it. Howard said that Wayne Brady did a tribute to Bobby Hatfield of the Righteous Brothers and ruined a great song. He played the clip of that performance that he played during yesterday's show as well. Howard played the original song and pointed out how good it was compared to Wayne Brady's version. Howard ended up singing his own bad version of the song for about 2 seconds before getting back to Brady's bad version. He was going to play another clip of Wayne singing with Phil Collins but he said he didn't want to get into that. He said it was a big mess and that's all you need to know.
Howard played a clip from Oprah Winfrey's show where a woman shows up to pick up an Oprah ski suit that she bought on eBay.com. The woman talked to Oprah about how she's going to have an ''Oprah Room'' where she's going to keep that stuff. Howard wondered what's worse, the Oprah Room or the room that Ronnie the Limo Driver has dedicated to NASCAR stuff. Howard said Ronnie has two tires from some race cars in that room. He goofed on Ronnie a little bit about that.He figured the tires are slashed or something. Ronnie came in a short tim later and told Howard that the tires are still good and they could be used. He thought that someone told Howard about the two tires and he was pissed. Howard said that John was the one who told him and John came in and said that Ronnie talked about it on the air. Howard went on to talk about how bummed out Ronnie was yesterday after he and Chaunce Hayden went at each other. Howard also said that Ronnie is not dying his beard like he thought he was. Howard wondered what's stranger to have, the Oprah Room or the NASCAR tires. John thought it was crazier to have the tires but Ronnie didn't think that was the case. Ronnie told Howard and the guys that they actually make end tables out of those tires sometimes. Ronnie said he's got die cast NASCAR models on his walls and a bunch of other stuff that fills up the walls.
Howard said that having the Oprah ski suit is goofier than the NASCAR stuff. He and the guys goofed on that but then John pointed out that Robin has a Julia Roberts dress she bought. Robin said she bought that for charity and to get Julia on the show. She doesn't have a ''Julia Room.'' Artie also has some stuff hanging on his wall. Artie said he has a Thurmon Munsen wall in his home. He also has a framed John Belushi t-shirt. Howard went on to play another clip from Oprah's show where a woman talks about why she bought one of Oprah's chairs. Howard pointed out that's why men are doomed because they go out and work and work and work, and then the wife goes out and buys Oprah chairs.
Double A called in and told Howard that he's got walls full of Beth. Howard said that's useable because you can beat off to it. Double A also asked if Beth is going to have a new calendar. Howard said those were the pictures that got screwed up earlier in the year and Beth decided not to take them over again so there won't be a new one. Gary said he's going to cut the pictures out of the old calendar and just paste them in a new one.
Double A asked Howard about Vinnie Favale getting into the limo with Howard after the Letterman show the other night. Howard said he took Vinnie out to dinner that night after the show. That led to the guys talking about his love tape. Stuttering John said that he heard that Jason in the back office made a love tape as well. Jason came in a short time later and said that he did make a tape but he didn't have a copy of it. He said she had the only copy and he hasn't spoken to her for years. Jason told Howard about how his mother wouldn't let him see her because she thought she was too trashy. They spent a short time talking about the tape. Jason said he seems to remember reciting lyrics from a Motley Crue song to her in the video. He didn't remember exactly what else he did though. Howard played some of Vinnie Favale's love tape and goofed on that a little bit. He's throwing kisses to the camera and speaking in Italian to his girlfriend. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard read that the government has made it possible for people to take their cell phone numbers when they move from cell phone company to cell phone company. Howard said he envisions the day when you can have your home number as the cell phone number and you'll just come home and put the phone in a cradle and use that as your regular phone. He said a bunch of people have probably already thought of that.
Howard said he heard that Don Imus inducted Mel Karmazin into the radio hall of fame. Howard said he thinks that he's been there all along with Mel, not Imus. He said he would never go to one of these hall of fame shows though. Howard said it must have been a whole night of people patting themselves on the back. He said that those hall of fame things are just people patting each other on the back and congratulating each other for nothing. Howard goofed on Imus for a short time and did an impression of him mumbling a bunch of nonsense.
Howard said Kidd Chris sent him tape of an old interview he did with designer Christopher Lowell. Robin described him as a ''gay Martha Stewart'' but said she doesn't know that he's actually gay. Gary came in and said he heard from the E! guys that Lowell might put on some of that effeminate voice. Howard played the tape of Kidd Chris interviewing the guy and taking a call from a guy who asked about caulking his tub and goofing around with the whole caulking thing as if he was talking about his cock.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that there is a phone system that allows you to put a cell phone in a cradle and it will ring through your home phone system. The guy said that it's only Cingular that has that feature. Howard said he thinks that he has AT&T. Howard thought about that for a short time but gave up on the idea.
A listener called in and insulted Howard about his hair and how ugly he is. Howard said that the hair seems to be working for him though and hung up on the guy. Another caller told Howard that Imus works out at his gym. He said the guy is really grumpy when he shows up there and he feels like taking a dumbbell and whacking him over the head with it. The guy claims that the most weight he's seen Imus lift was just the bar with no weights on the ends. Howard said he'd rather see tape of that workout rather than the Paris Hilton sex tape. Howard told the guy to get back to him about what exactly Imus does in his work out. The guy said he's never seen him do any cardio work but he did see him trying to get on an elliptical machine and he needed two guys to help him get up there.
A caller asked Howard if he could give out the web site address for the Paris Hilton video tape. He said that he's not even sure if it's actually her but it's on ConsumptionJunction.com. Howard said he's not even sure if it's her. He said it seems to be everywhere already. He talked about how out of control Paris seems to be and how her parents really should try to get her under control.
A caller complimented Howard on his black Caterpillar boots he was wearing on Letterman the other night. Howard said he wears them all the time. He had to show them to Robin since she had no idea what they were talking about.
Vinnie told Howard he had a lot of fun there at the awards. Howard told him he could keep the award if he wanted. He thought about it for a minute and said that it would be kind of weird if he did keep it. Gary came in and offered him a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers. Vinnie said he doesn't wear a watch but Howard told him he could sell it. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later.
This guy who was at Rod Roddy's funeral called in and told Howard that Bob Barker didn't show up to the funeral. The guy claims that he was in Ft. Worth when the funeral took place and it was open to the public. He said he had also gone to see The Price is Right years ago and had a good time. As he was talking about that Robin said that he'd put them to sleep. Howard said it was going to be a rough interview.
Howard asked the guy about the funeral and how it went. The guy said he saw some of the models from the show there at the funeral including Diane Parkinson. He said that they played the theme song from The Price is Right at the funeral. Howard wondered what music they'd play at his funeral. Robin told him they'd play that ''American Nightmare'' song they play at the beginning of the show.
Gary came in a short time later and said he and John were wondering what the cut off was for the funerals Howard would attend. Howard said he'd go to anyone's funeral he works with. He said he might not travel to Texas to go to Will or Jason's funeral. John asked Howard if he'd go to Craig Gass' (IHateComedians.com) funeral. At first he said he would but then said he'd have to think about that one. He said he would go to any of them as long as they were in the New York area. John said that Howard didn't go to Robin's father's funeral. Howard said that's because Robin hated him. She also didn't want anyone to do anything for that funeral anyway.
The caller told Howard that they showed video and pictures of Rod Roddy when he was young. He also claims that they showed pictures of Rod with this guy who they said was very close to him. The caller said he doesn't know for a fact that he's gay but it might seem that way after seeing those pictures. Howard wrapped up the interview after that.
Howard took some calls about the Rod Roddy thing. One guy (Zolar) said he wanted to ask the caller about how the people felt about Rod being replaced by a ''Nig***'' on the Price is Right. Another caller asked Howard if he would go to Tom's funeral. Howard said he would go to his. John asked Howard if he'd go to Jackie's (the Joke Man) funeral. Howard said he would go to his and he doesn't hate Jackie. Robin said she'd go to his as well. Howard said they never get invited to celebrity weddings or funerals.
Howard read an e-mail they got from a guy who talked about going to David Letterman's show and how poorly they were treated over there. He had a story about how his wife didn't look like she was excited enough but when she wooed and showed some excitement, they told her there was no wooing allowed. He said they kept an eye on her the whole night to make sure she didn't misbehave.
Howard asked Gary to call a woman who sent them an e-mail about how she can queef really loud. Gary came in and said that Kid Rock was there. Howard wondered what he's supposed to call Kid Rock. Gary said he calls him Bob since that's his real name, but he's not sure if that's appropriate.
Howard read an article about this guy Druce who killed a priest in prison. He apparently yelled out ''Howard Stern Rules!'' when he was in court. Howard said he didn't really like the guy but he didn't know he was a fan. He spent a minute on that and then moved on to Kid Rock.
Howard asked Kid about his drinking and smoking and wondered if he's drinking too much. He went on to tell Kid that his new album got a 4 star rating in the NY Post. He was going to read it to him but asked him if he'd bang Britney Spears. Kid said he's not into her whole scene so he probably wouldn't do her. He said he doesn't think she's lining up to get to him either. Howard moved on to the review of Kid's CD and read it to him. The review was really positive and seemed to surprised everyone who heard it. Howard said it sounded like he wanted to suckle Kid Rock. The review mentioned Sheryl Crow and asked Kid about banging that. Kid said he didn't bang her though.
Howard played a track from Kid Rock's new CD ''Kid Rock.'' Howard liked that Kid wasn't rapping in the song, he was actually singing. Howard told him he sounds really good. Howard said that Dominic Barbara is a big fan of Kid Rock's. Howard had to stop playing Kid's song but Robin told him not to stop it. Howard said he didn't have all day to play it.
Howard told Kid about what Pam Anderson said when she was on not too long ago. She claims that she was being shared by Kid and Tommy Lee. Howard swore to Kid that she told him that stuff but he said he was getting a different story from her. Howard asked Kid what Pam told him. Kid told Howard that Pam told him that she wanted him to be free to do whatever he wanted. Howard also said that she said Kid was the last guy she had sex with. Kid said they still ''talk'' once in a while. They also talked about how Pam said she's never seen a small penis so that means that Kid must have a big one.
Gary said he's listened to Pam's talk radio show and Tommy Lee is always there with the kids so he's got that whole thing going on. Howard wondered what happened between Kid and Pam. Kid said that he wanted to settle down with her but she's the one that didn't want to do it. Kid said that he's 32 now and has a 10 year old kid so he's ready to do that. Kid said that when he first got into this band of his, he told everyone not to get married. Then he went and got engaged to Pam Anderson and everyone else in the band has gotten married over the past year or so.
Howard asked Kid about what he had to do to avoid getting the Hepatitis C when he was with Pam. He said he sat down with the doctors and talked about that stuff. He said he didn't have to use a condom with her or anything like that. He also didn't seem to mind the idea that Tommy might be banging Pam. He said that worse things could be happening in his life. He told Howard that he's been keeping busy working and taking care of his farm. He wouldn't say if he's banging other chicks. Kid said a few things that made it sound like he's still with Pam but it wasn't clear if he was telling the truth or not.
Kid said that some people seem to think that he and Tommy Lee were friends or something but they really weren't. He said that Tommy seemed to be pretending to be his friend and that's not a big deal to him but he did screw him over a few times. He said he eventually called Tommy when he was going out with Pam and told him what was going on. Kid said he wrote a song about the whole thing but never put it out.
Howard asked Kid about what it was like to be with Pam. He said he doesn't want to sound like a fag but he enjoys hanging out with women. He wasn't saying what it was like to bang any of these women. Howard thought that Kid banged Alyssa Milano and Bijou Philips but he denied it. Stuttering John came in and said he knows for a fact that he banged them but Kid swore on the life of his kids that he didn't bang either of them.
Howard played another track from Kid's CD. This was a remake of ''Feel Like Makin' Love.'' Gary was reading some of the lyrics from the song ''Do it For You'' and Kid sings about how he would die for a chick and stuff like that. Howard wondered what was up with that. Kid said he's trying to get the ladies to come to his shows, that's why he's writing stuff like that.
Howard asked Kid about a picture that was taken with President Clinton. Kid said they ended up putting the picture in Rolling Stone magazine and the Clinton's got upset about it because it was making him look bad. Howard and Kid talked about that for a minute and then got back to the ''Do it For You'' song. Howard played another song that was all about getting stoned. Kid said he wrote it about the one time he got really wasted in Jackson, Mississippi. He said it was the highest he'd ever been in his life so he wrote a song about it. Howard liked the sound of the CD. Artie said he was going to pick up a copy today because he liked all of the stuff he heard this morning.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Kid. One guy said that he heard that Pam is moaning in the background of one of the songs but Kid said it was actually someone in his band. Chaunce Hayden was supposed to be on the line but he wasn't there. Robin said he was supposed to tell them if he has cancer or not. Howard said it sounded like he died since the line was dead.
A listener asked Kid about what it's like to be with Pam Anderson. That led to Howard asking Kid if he's ever brought other women in with Pam. Kid wasn't talking. He kept his mouth shut about all of the sex stuff. Howard threw in a few more phone calls and let some people ask him about Pam. Howard said he could see some sadness in his life and hoped that things would be okay. He said he cold see tears being hidden by Kid. He goofed around with that for a few seconds and then wrapped up the interview. He went to break with Kid's ''Feel Like Makin' Love'' playing in the background.
Howard wanted to play the phone call that Kidd Chris made to George Takei but Fred didn't have it. Artie and Chris reenacted it for a few seconds until Howard got his tape. He played the now-classic tape where Chris pretends to be Ricardo Montalban and talks to George Takei. Takei makes some great comments during the bit that Howard and Artie have been goofing on for a long time now. Howard wanted Artie and Chris to recreate the whole call but Chris didn't remember the whole call. It was funny anyway.
Chris said that he was in town just to see Norm. He said he likes to go see Norm bomb around the country. He said he laughs as he bombs while other people are leaving the clubs. Reverend Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) called in to tell Howard that Kidd Chris got dressed up as Yucko the Clown at a show up in Syracuse and called people ''nig****'' and other stuff and actually did better than Yucko. People didn't even know it wasn't Yucko. Howard had to take a break right after that.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he's afraid to call the doctor's office to find out if he has cancer or not. He said he pulled up to the office yesterday but had a panic attack and drove away without finding out. Vinnie said he asked if he could get the results over the phone and they told him he had to come into the office. Vinnie said he thinks they just do that so they can charge you for another office visit. Howard told him to see if they could get them to do it on the air. Kidd Chris asked Howard if he would go to Vinnie's funeral. Howard said he would and it's something that Chaunce could look forward to.
Howard and Artie continued to goof on Vinnie's love tapes. Artie continued to do his impression of Vinnie and made some funny comments about the stuff Vinnie could have been showing his girlfriend. They were all cracking themselves up. Artie was laughing his ass off so hard it sounded like he was going to collapse according to Vinnie. Howard threw in a few more clips from the tapes as well. In one clip Vinnie talks about how he's scratching his balls as he's talking to Debbie. Howard threw in some porn movie clips during the segment as well. Kidd Chris said that he doesn't even know Vinnie and he's creeped out by him.
Howard said that Chaunce's doctor wouldn't come on the air with them. The guys suggested that they send him in with a cell phone so they can be there when he gets the news about his cancer. Chaunce later said he'd do that tomorrow morning at 8am when they open. Howard tried to move on to Robin's news but the guys were still goofing on Vinnie. When Robin would bring up a story they'd work Vinnie into it somehow... every single story. Artie was cracking up both Howard and Kidd Chris the whole time. Artie said he was laughing so much that his stomach was hurting. He said he could do it all afternoon though.
Howard said the 2003 Howard Stern F-Emmy Awards are starting today. He explained to everyone what the F-Emmys are and how they're the ''real'' radio awards where people are rewarded for past performances on the show. Howard played a quick introduction that announced some of the nominees for the awards. The bit sounded very professional. Howard said that they have Best Phony Phone Call and Best Musical Performance as just a couple of the categories.
Howard said that Artie is out in California doing some work. He said that he's probably upset that they have this Chef J (Jason Harley) coming in today to cook for them and he's not around to enjoy it. Howard said he put in an order for his breakfast already. He's going to have an egg white omelet without butter. Gary came in and said the breakfast was ready so Howard had him come in to present it to him. Howard said it was a beautiful omelet. He also asked Chef J about working for Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson in the past. Chef J told Howard that he's still working for Pam and Tommy and will be doing some stuff for them later this week. That led to Howard talking about the satellite radio show that Pam is doing and how much money she's getting paid to do it. Howard said he should be doing that as well because they'd probably pay him more than he's making at that company. Howard wanted to eat his breakfast while it was hot. Chef J said that he had Robin's meal ready as well. He made her some scrambled eggs and sausage. Howard was surprised to hear that she eats sausage though. She said she doesn't avoid fat and she wanted to enjoy this meal. Howard went to break so he could eat his still-hot food.
Howard brought up the fact that Art Carney died. He said he was a big fan of his on ''The Honeymooners.'' He and Robin talked about how great he was on that show and how Jackie Gleason needed him like Howard needs Robin. Howard said he read that Art was a failed musician who became a big hit on The Honeymooners. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Art and The Honeymooners. He said that there were only about 20 episodes of The Honeymooners and they just play them over and over. Howard said he can't wait to see the tribute Wayne Brady is going to do for him.
Howard said he's going to watch the interview 48 Hours is going to air with Robert Blake tonight. He said that they interview some of his friends like Casey Kasem, Wilfred Brimley and Mort Saul. Howard ended up talking about who Mort Saul is and how he's not really funny even though he's supposed to be a comedian. Howard said he's one of those guys who you are supposed to respect because you're afraid not to. Howard said that Blake is supposed to make some pretty funny comments talking like a tough guy during the interview. Howard read some quotes from the show and it sounds like it should be pretty entertaining. Howard said the stuff that comes out of his mouth is always a cliche. He made up a few that he might say before he moved on to other stuff.
Robin told Howard about some of the things that the local news stations are doing for ratings sweeps month. She told Howard about the dopey stories that they're covering. During that discussion a listener called in and complained that after doing The Master Cleanser diet that Robin was doing he ended up with gall bladder problems. Robin told him that it wasn't her diet and he should talk to the guy who wrote the book. The guy said he knew that it wasn't hers but he was still pissed and wouldn't stop complaining. Howard hung up on him while he was bitching about it.
A listener called in about the Paris Hilton sex tape. Howard talked about that and how Paris looked like she was just trying to get herself on the camera the whole time. Howard said the tape didn't turn him at all. He said he asked his girlfriend if she wanted to make one last night when they were having sex but Beth is so paranoid now that she's heard about this Paris Hilton tape that she refused to do anything. Howard said all women are going to be freaked out by it now that Paris' tape has been released. Howard hung up on the caller who was annoying him and moved on to talk about how Paris has been out of control for years now. He went on to say that you won't beat off to that tape. It's a 7 as far as a curiosity thing but it's only a 4 on a ''hot'' scale. He said that she doesn't look that great in the video. He said her ass is really flat but her boobs are okay. He called her a rich bitch and complained about her for a short time. Cabbie called in and said that it was a night vision shoot so it doesn't even look that great. They spent a short time on that before Howard moved on to some other calls.
Howard took a few phone calls and talked about a bunch of different things. One guy said he was watching Howard's movie on TV and wondered why he didn't just throw out his wet underwear. Howard said back then he wouldn't have thought about throwing away a good pair of underwear. He also said that he also had his name in the underwear so he wouldn't just throw them out.
Howard said it was time to start the F-Emmy awards. He had a shot of the F-Emmy Award up on the TV screen in the studio. It was a bronzed, animated statue of a man and a woman banging. He said you can wind it up and it's animated. He said that's supposed to be him ''F'ing the Emmy.''
A woman called in and said that Madonna sounds like Joan Crawford in ''Mommy Dearest.'' Howard and Robin talked about that for a short time and then moved on to the F-Emmy Awards.
Chef J said that he had a great time cooking for Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt one time. He said they were very nice and had him stay to sit and talk with them while they ate. Chef J told Howard and Robin about how they do everything from design to serving at his company. He said he'd like to come in and cook for Howard and the guys once a week or so as well. Howard said that won't happen unless he's willing to do it for plugs. He said Tom isn't going to pay for that.
Chef J told Howard about the way the skinny people eat out in California. He said they eat small meals and snack in between them. He said he lost some weight eating that way himself. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Chef J and thanked him for coming in. Chef J got in a couple of plugs for some friends of his before Howard sent him on his way. He took a break shortly after that.
Howard had tape of a juror from the Robert Durst case talking about how she didn't know that there could be a trial if they didn't have a whole body. The eventually found the guy not guilty even though the guy allegedly admitted to killing the guy he was accused of killing.
Howard quickly got back to the F-Emmy Awards and got to the ''Best Prank Call'' award. First up was Kidd Chris for his prank call to George Takei. Howard played that clip and then moved on to the next nominee which was Benjy calling old Hazel as President Bill Clinton. He ends up having phone sex with the woman. Next up was some Arnold Schwarzenegger sound board calls to an Asian woman. This is where someone uses tape of Arnold's voice to carry on a conversation with a woman for a couple of minutes. Next up was Kidd Chris and Reverend Bob Levy calling Gary the Retard as a couple of DJs who have a contest to win a trip to Las Vegas. Finally they had The Touch Tone Terrorists yanking a guy around about an order he wanted to cancel.
Howard opened the envelope and said that the winner was the Benjy phone call that Benjy made to Hazel. Hazel was on the phone to accept her award. She said that she still talks to Mr. Clinton once in a while. Howard told her that President Clinton was there to present her award to her. She asked where he was and when he was going to come and visit her. Benjy, as Clinton, asked her what she was wearing and if she was ''fresh.'' Benjy asked her if she has washed her privates lately. She said she just came out of the shower. Benjy said that he'd like to crawl up her leg, lay his head down next to her and smell her. Howard said he's never heard anything like that before. He asked Hazel if she discusses these conversations with anyone else. She told him that she keeps it between her and God. Howard told Hazel that she won the prize and a prize of a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers in Philadelphia. A short time later a guy called in as Hilary Clinton. He asked Hazel how she could do such a thing to her and asked her to stop. Hazel said she's still going to talk to ''The President'' when he calls though. Howard let her give an acceptance speech and got off the line with her.
Howard said they had a bunch of F-Emmy Awards coming up later in the show. He said they're also going to be playing ''The Wheel of Benjy'' next.
Howard had Nadia spin the wheel first. She spun the wheel and it landed on ''Benjy puts his toe in your orifice.'' No one was sure which orifice it was going into. The girls didn't want to do that with him though. They wanted him to clean it first but they didn't have anything. They found a condom a short time later so Benjy put it on. He asked the girls if they wanted any ''toe foreplay'' first. They just wanted to get it over with. Howard asked Nadia a few questions but she sounded stunned by what was about to happen. She went ahead and dropped down on Benjy's toe and got some laughter out of everyone. Howard let her get a couple of plugs after she did that. She plugged her site NadiaStyles.com, NetVideoGirls.com and MacAndBumble.com
Next up was Gina Lynn. She spun the wheel and it landed on the tea bagging section. Benjy got up from the wheel and went over to her to drop his ''tea bag'' in her face. KC gave him some whipped cream to squirt on his balls so they could prove that she took the tea bag completely. Howard was about to give her a plug but held off until she completed the task. Benjy attempted to spray the whipped cream but it wasn't coming out. He went over to her a few seconds later and Gina said ''Something stinks!'' when he got over her. Benjy said it was the whipped cream that stunk but it was something else according to her. Howard let her get in a plug for her web site GinaLynn.com and some more plugs for the MacAndBumble.com web site. She talked about the contest they're holding for the MacAndBumble girl. Howard said they definitely earned their plugs.
Benjy was upset that Gina was saying that he stunk so he said that he smelled something when he did the toe thing. He wanted someone to smell the condom. KC said he was smelling something as well and thought it might be Benjy. Benjy said that the whipped cream smelled when he put it on and he didn't stink. Gary came in and said that he smelled something and he wasn't sure what it was. Doug from E! came in and whispered something to someone. Benjy got pissed and started yelling about the whole thing. He was really pissed that they were saying that he stinks when it was really the whipped cream.
Howard opened the envelope and said that the 10 year old was the winner. Her mother Shirley was on the line to accept. Howard thought the kid was a boy but it turned out it's a girl. The mother thought that the kid must have learned this stuff from her parents. She said that it just shows that her daughter has learned well from the bible. Howard let the woman give an acceptance speech. She said that her daughter was right about what she was saying and it's not okay to be gay. She also told Howard to get out there and read some part of the bible to get straightened out. She also got in a plug for the web site GodHatesFags.com. Howard said he spoke to her brothers after she was on the show the first time and they hate their father. She said of course they do because one of them is living with another man's wife. Howard also said that her brothers claim that they were beaten by their father. Shirley said that her father had a strap that he used on them. She had excuses for her father's behavior and she argued with Howard about some of that stuff. Howard told her that if she didn't hate ''fags'' then her father would hate her. She said that her brothers left on their own and weren't chased away. They weren't kicked out of the family or anything like that.
Howard heard that Shirley's father was disbarred. She gave an explanation that made it sound like he was persecuted because he was winning too many of his civil rights cases down there. Howard said that Shirley sounded just like her father. He said that she doesn't sound like she thinks for herself. She said she does think for herself and has decided not to do some things that her father did to them when they were kids. She doesn't punish her kids as long as her father did. She and Howard got back to the discussion about why her father was disbarred. She rambled on and on about stuff that Howard didn't understand. He let her go on and on for a couple of minutes.
A woman called in and said she agrees that ''fags are bad.'' She told Howard that they are some very troubled people and they are bad like Shirley is saying. There were a few other people who called in to argue with Shirley about her thoughts on all of this stuff. One guy's questions led to Howard asking Shirley if she was allowed to run the country, would she kill all of the gay people. She said she would have laws that would be in line with God's and she would have the death penalty for that. Howard spent a couple more minutes arguing with Shirley. She told Howard that she has 7 sick children at home and the daughter who won the award was there so they got her on the line. Howard asked her if kids at her school are against her or not. She said they don't think all agree with her but her cousins go there with her and they agree. Gabe was also there. He was one of the kids that Will interviewed a couple of months ago. He said that the fags are going to hell if they don't repent. Howard told the kid he only has to stay in that house for 10 more years before he can get out of there. Howard had to wrap up the segment right after that.
Howard said that Staind is going to be coming in soon to be the House Band for the day. He said they're also going to do a Karaoke thing with the band and Howard and the guys are going to be performing some songs. He was also impressed with the sound quality of some of the bands especially considering the quality of the equipment they have there in the studio. He said that Staind won two years in a row before today. Today it was Adam Duritz taking the win for his performance of ''Long December.'' Adam sounded very excited about his win. He thanked everyone possible when he gave his speech. Howard said it took him a long time to get Adam to do the show. He finally came on and won the F-Emmy Award for that. Adam said they have a new Best Of album coming out around Thanksgiving. Howard told him to come in and promote it around that time. Howard went on to ask Adam if he'd ever banged Shannen Doherty because she was claiming that she hadn't done him. Adam said he never did so she was right. Howard and Adam spent a couple more minutes talking about stuff. Adam said he's living in New York now and he's feeling like a native New Yorker now even though he grew up in the San Francisco area. Howard said that Adam will be coming in soon to perform for them. He got off the line a short time later.
A listener called in and asked if he could play the ''Benjy's Blowin the Shophar'' game. Howard was going to do it but Gary told him that he didn't have anything to give away until Friday for that game. Howard bailed out on the whole thing and took another commercial break.
A woman called in during the news and asked Howard about advice about farting in front of her boyfriend. Howard told her to get a dog and blame it on the dog like he does. He also spent some time talking about his Handspring Treo 600 cell phone and how great that thing is. He said he was in geek heaven learning how to use it and downloading programs to use on it yesterday. He said he's got an MP3 player on it so he tried that out. He was going to demonstrate that for Robin but he had a little trouble using it. He had a Coldplay song on the thing and said that he'll never use it for listening to music that way. He said he has a weather program and a chat program he can use as well. He also has a game that he can play called Text Twist. He said he likes the whole thing. He took a picture of Fred and told Benjy to stay out of it. He joked that Fred broke the phone when he posed for the picture.
Howard started off the morning talking about the F-Emmys that were coming up. He said that Will Ferrell and Jay-Z would both be in for the awards presentations later on. He saw that they had some Robert Blake tapes to listen to as well. He was interviewed on a news show last night so they had clips from that. Howard also mentioned that Rush Limbaugh is going to be back on the radio next week. He read that Rush has completed the first step in his rehab. Howard said he thinks the next step will be for Rush to find another housekeeper to deal him some Oxycontin. He pointed out that Courtney Love was charged with possession of the same drug and she's being punished unlike Rush. He said she was quoted as saying that the charges were ''retarded.''
Howard brought up Rosie O'Donnell and how disturbing her speech was after the court case between her and a magazine publishing company. Howard said she came out of the court all angry but saying that she was happy. He played some tape of that and goofed on her a little bit. She mentioned a group of lawyers that Howard recognized so he talked about that for a short time. Howard said she claims that her legal bills were like $8 million and he believes her. He and Robin talked about how much these guys get for doing something like that. Howard said that you're so relieved when you get out of court that you start thanking guys who just charged you $8 million to represent you. Rosie was saying that the lawyers were ''ethical'' which Howard seemed to find pretty funny. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how fat Rosie is these days. He said she's fatter than ever.
He said he does feel good for her not losing this case. The judge actually threw it out because neither of them had damages. In her speech, Rosie was talking about how the ''other side'' in the case always chose war over a settlement. She claimed that she was happy with the case being over but she sounded very angry to Howard. She asked that the press not follow her and then plugged this play that she's producing. She said that during all of this stuff that was going on she was able to ''give birth'' to something so beautiful. Howard said ''Yeah, now it's time to lose the baby weight.'' He took a call from a Rosie impersonator a short time later. The impersonator was going nuts over what Howard was saying about the $8 million bill. ''Rosie'' said that a lot of that bill was because they had to feed her.
Howard took a few phone calls during the discussion and talked about what a character she is. A bunch of guys called in and made some comments about Rosie that weren't so nice. One guy said someone he knows was on the ''Pyramid'' show and managed to get into the final round with the guy who played Doogie Houser. Then she was paired up with Rosie and Rosie didn't help her out at all. He said she just looked at her like a dead fish. Howard took a break shortly after that call.
Kevin asked Howard what he thought of this tape. Howard bluntly told him that he thought it sucked. He said the tape wasn't all that well done and Tommy Lee is a much better amateur camera man. He said Paris didn't look that great in the video because she has a flat ass. He said he'd still bang the crap out of her if he could but he didn't think the tape was all that great. Kevin said that SexBrat.com will not be airing this tape because they have no legal rights to it. They've signed an agreement with Paris over it and have agreed not to put it out there. Howard figured that it would be pretty tough to market the video because it's already all over the web. Kevin said that they were going to put together a 40 minute video surrounding the tape but that won't happen. Howard wrapped up the call and let Kevin go. Howard found it funny that he was saying that they were victims in all of this.
Howard moved on to the first category of the day which was ''Most Bizarre Moment of the Friggin Year.'' The first nominee was Underdog Lady returning to the show but refusing to say anything. Next up was Scott the Engineer saying that he'd accept anal from a guy for $250,000. After that they had Artie freaking out during his shoot with the guys from ''Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.'' Howard opened the envelope after that and said that the winner was Scott the Engineer who was going to accept anal sex for $250,000.
Scott the Engineer came in to accept his award and thanked God. Howard said that they had it all set up for him but he backed out of the whole thing. Gary said that Scott would still be up for it if his family hadn't stopped him from going ahead with it. Scott said he'll have to figure out other ways to make money. Howard said they were going to do this all on Pay-Per-View but Scott says that he never agreed to that and that was part of the problem. Howard said they had to raise the money somehow.
KC came in and asked Scott if he would do oral for $100,000. He quickly said ''No!'' Howard upped the anal money to $500,000 and asked if he would do it then. He said it's not going to happen no matter what. Howard asked Scott if he wanted to finish his speech but he really had nothing to add to what he'd already said so that was that. He sent Scott off and took some phone calls.
Howard said he got a ton of mail about the conversation he and Robin had about head lice and whether or not African Americans can get them. Howard read some of the mail and some people think that Robin is very irrational when it comes to some things. Some of the mail was from people who thought that Howard's comments were racist because he was saying that no black people are able to get lice because of their hair. It turns out that the oval shape of their hair makes it hard for the lice to attach to it. Howard and Robin argued for quite a while yesterday and continued it today. Robin was upset about the comments that Howard made and Howard was defending what he said because he was kind of right. The two of them continued to argue for a couple of minutes.
Howard had a bunch of other mail about the same subject so he went through that. Robin said she just didn't want the blanket statement about ''all black people'' not being able to get head lice. Some have straighter hair and are able to get head lice so the comments that Howard was making weren't true. Howard took a break after that argument.
Sandra was on the phone to accept her award. Sandra said that Courtney's stories were pretty good. Howard and Sandra talked about Courtney for a couple of minutes. Sandra said she has hung out with Courtney before and she's kind of tough to take because she's all over the place. Howard told Sandra that he couldn't believe that Jay was ''big'' in the pants. She said she thinks he's probably shrunk over the years but he was definitely over 8 inches back when she was with him. Howard asked her if it was big like Tommy Lee. She said she never saw that tape but is looking forward to seeing the Paris Hilton tape. Howard told her how great that tape was.
Sandra told Howard that Jay gave her a call after her discussion with Howard but he hasn't had her on the show since then. Howard thought she had been on but he was mistaken. Howard said he still can't believe that Jay is big. He said he's not doing anything with it and wondered why he doesn't have one that big. Howard talked about how small he is. Robin asked if it's as small as Benjy's since she just saw his yesterday. Howard said it is about that size. Sandra said that she was a little scared when she saw Jay's penis because it was so big.
Sandra and Howard talked for a short time after that. Sandra told Howard that she's going to be at this Joe's Pub this weekend and wanted him to come see her perform. Howard said he'd like to see her but he's all booked up. She invited him to come next weekend. He said if he does come, he's going to jump up on stage and tie her up. He said he'll play the part of Jay Leno. She told him to come on over and do that, it would be brilliant. Howard congratulated Sandra on her F-Emmy win and wrapped up the phone call.
Howard asked Will who his celebrity friends are. He said he's still friends with people he went to high school with so he doesn't have that many celebrity friends. Howard got a hold of some pictures of Will's wife from WireImage.com and said she's pretty hot. Will said she's pregnant so her boobs are pregnancy boobs.
Howard talked to Will about the money he was making on Saturday Night Live. He said he was only making about $350,000 on that show. Howard brought up the movies he's done since then. Howard said that they're saying that ''Elf'' should do pretty well over the holidays. He figured that Will had to have made more that $3 million for that movie but Will said he didn't make that much. Howard said he's not getting the big bucks that they think he's getting. Now that he's got a hit movie though, he should be able to get some good money. Will and Howard discussed all of the people that are involved with Will's career.
Will told Howard about how his family responds to all of this stuff. Howard also thought that Will seemed a bit depressed but Will jokingly told him he has a quaalude problem. Howard took some phone calls after that. A couple of people asked him about doing an ''Old School 2'' and stuff like that. Howard told Will to just be funny in all of the movies he does. He suggested not doing any dramas. One guy asked Will to please wake up because he's on the Howard Stern show.
Howard asked Will if he thought about what Woody Allen did when he was working for him. Will said when you are asked to do a Woody Allen movie, you just do it. Howard read some quotes from Will about Woody and he didn't seem so thrilled with the guy. Howard threw in a few more phone calls. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Will how many inches he's packing. Will said that he's not packing all that much. Howard said he's impressed with how he's willing to get naked in his movies. He was talking about ''Old School'' and how funny it was when he was running down the street naked in that movie. Jeff also asked him if he's ever had a threesome. He said that he's never done that and he hasn't had that many women. He said he didn't lose his virginity until he was in college. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Will and then wrapped up the interview.
Howard said all of the Casey Kasem talk inspired him to do the Top 5 countdown. Number 5 was Outkast's ''Hey Ya.'' Howard said he likes the band, he saw them on Saturday Night Live. Howard said that they're only two guys and only one of them actually performed when he saw it. Gary told Howard that they apparently don't like each other and their latest album is a two disc set. Each guy does one disc. Howard moved on to the rest of the songs which included ''Get Low,'' ''I Love Your Vagina,'' ''Holiday,'' ''Stand Up'' and some other songs. Howard threw in a couple of song parodies with the real top 5. The number one song was Beyonce and Sean Paul. Howard said that Beyonce is dating their next guest, Jay-Z. He talked about Jay-Z for a short time after that. He read that he and Beyonce denied their relationship for a while. There was some stuff about Jay-Z shooting his brother 3 times at close range and some other crimes he was charged with. He was killing a little time waiting for Jay-Z to come in. Gary said they needed like another minute to get him ready to come in.
Howard asked Jay-Z about him stabbing some guy and what that was all about. He said that there was a big fight at this club and because he was there, he was blamed for the stabbing. Jay-Z said he doesn't have to go to jail for the stabbing. He said the guy was scratched and went home the same night. Howard also brought up the shooting that he read about earlier. Jay-Z told Howard he was 12 years old at the time and he doesn't remember where he got the gun from. He shot his brother but his brother forgave him for that. It turns out his brother was on drugs at the time and he was acting crazy, that's how the shooting happened. He said he was just trying to scare him and ended up shooting him. Howard said he wouldn't mess with this guy. He said that Jay-Z showed up with a big bodyguard today. Gary told Howard that he's never seen a body guard as big as that guy was.
Howard talked about Jay-Z's feuds and mentioned names like NAS and Ja Rule who he's had some problems with in the past. Jay-Z said that none of them were really true though. He said that most of the stories he was reading weren't right. Howard also brought up the Beyonce thing and asked him if he was really dating her. Jay-Z said that they're not together. A short time later he said that he just doesn't talk about that relationship. He said that's a personal relationship and he just doesn't talk about it. He also found out about Robin's boyfriend who they refer to as ''Mr. X'' because of his high profile job. Robin was trying to get information out of Jay-Z but he turned it right around onto Robin.
Howard read that Jay-Z and Beyonce have been seen on vacation together. Jay-Z just sat back and let Howard talk about all of that stuff. He laughed it all off and made it sound like none of it was true. Jay-Z talked about his relationship with his father and how he made up with him before he passed away last year.
Howard read that Jay-Z was worth $50 million but Jay-Z said that he's not worth that much. He told Howard about his homes in New York and L.A. Howard took some phone calls after that. A woman called in and said that she saw him on some Awards show and he was there with Beyonce. She also said that he was blocking cameras and refused to get out of the car until they were gone. Howard said he heard that as well but he said that wasn't true. He said he went in on the side so he didn't have to do that. Howard and Jay-Z ended up showing each other their cell phone/PDAs. Jay-Z said he has a Blackberry while Howard showed off his Treo 600.
Chris Booker called in and said that when he was there at the GQ awards, they were told that they couldn't shoot Beyonce and Jay-Z on the red carpet. Booker works for Entertainment Tonight and is banging J-Lo's sister Linda. Howard let him off the phone and got back to Jay-Z and the comments he's said about P. Diddy. He was quoted as saying that P. Diddy isn't a rapper. Jay said that P. Diddy admits he's not a rapper, he's a producer.
Howard played some of Jay-Z's new album ''The Black Album.'' He also took a call from High Pitch Erik who was calling Jay-Z his ''brotha'' and his ''home boy.'' He asked for a free CD but Howard said he doesn't even know any Jay-Z songs. He hung up on him and took a bunch of other calls. He threw in a couple more clips from the album before wrapping up the interview. Gary came in and told Howard to remind everyone that they're giving away 3 Mercedes Benz vehicles in the CD. Jay-Z said that Mercedes uses some of his lyrics in their advertising so he asked for 3 cars to give away as prizes to his fans. They're giving them away in the CD jewel cases. Howard went to break right after that.
Robin thought there was something going on there but Howard said he'd talk about anyone she asked about. Howard said that Will Ferrell wasn't good as a guest today. He said he's funny in the movies but he doesn't think he'd go there again with him. He said he was just telling the truth about the way he felt. Robin asked him if he thinks Jay-Z can rap. Howard said he doesn't know from one rapper to another but obviously some people think he can rap because he sells records. Howard and Robin talked about how weird it is that Jay-Z and Beyonce won't talk about being together.
A couple of callers told Howard that they agree with him about Jack Black. Howard said that Jim Carrey is one of those guys that's funny all the time. They talked about that a little bit and Howard talked about his own relationship with Beth. Howard said he never denied going out with her.
Chaunce said that the reason Jay-Z isn't talking about being with Beyonce is because he's a player. He said he's seen Jay-Z around town with a bunch of different women and he just doesn't want to embarrass Beyonce. Howard said that may be the case and if it is, the guy is brilliant. Howard and Chaunce spent a couple more minutes talking before Chaunce had to go. Howard and Robin said he really should get to the doctor and get checked out.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Courtney Love and what a mess she was on TV last night. Howard talked to the guy about that for a minute and then had Robin start her news. She went right into a story about Courtney since they were already on the subject.
Vinnie called in and said that the Garp thing was when they'd both push play at the same time and call each other back after the movie to talk about it after. He said he used to enjoy listening to the show but now that they've been goofing on him, he doesn't like it so much. Howard continued to play the tapes even after Vinnie got off the phone. There were more disgusting kisses and Vinnie talking in Italian to his girlfriend. He's now married to this woman. A woman called in and said that the kisses were making her sick and she wasn't able to eat her breakfast because of that. Howard said he'd stop playing them at that point. He had Robin get back to her news right after that.
Howard started off the morning very excited for the weekend. Artie was back from California. He said things went alright out there but he also said that it was really awkward to pitch ideas to the networks. Howard asked him if he's going to have to leave the show if he gets the job out there. Artie said he asks his agent that stuff all the time and they just laugh at him. Howard said that if he stays with the show he can promote it there all the time. Artie said they tell him that he's a big enough name to get them to shoot a show out in New York. Howard asked him what the pitch was but Artie said he can't talk about it. He said he's been begging them to do the show out in New York but no one seems to get that. Howard said it doesn't matter anyway because it probably wouldn't get picked up. Artie said he might be right.
Artie said that Private Parts has been playing on one of the movie channels quite a bit so he watched it last night. He said that the high school they used in the movie was the school he went to, Union High. That led to Howard talking about how fun it was to make the movie and how he's ready to do another one. He said he's got Lenny (Blum) ready to write another one. He cut himself off at that point and said he wasn't ready to talk about it. He went on to talk about his ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' cartoon and how they're trying to figure all of that out. He said they haven't even written a script yet though. He said he ended up getting a little pissy during that meeting. He said he wasn't feeling good and he was hungry so he was in a foul mood. He said that he has the Bob Schimmel show going, the cartoon and two movies in the works plus the movie he's doing for himself. He said his plate is full now. He also mentioned the Etiquette for Outlaws show he's working on for Showtime and how his agent was asking him about another project. He said that it's enough now. He said he just wanted to play with his Handspring Treo 600.
Howard told Robin that he's trying to be more social these days so he went to this charity event where they were taking pictures of him. Robin said that he shouldn't be going to charity events to be more social. Howard changed subjects and said he watched an old E! show and saw how fat she used to be. He said she really looks much better now. A listener called in and said that Robin really does look good and he'd like to bend her over the sink.
Howard brought up how there are apparently about 12 home videos of Paris Hilton out there and one of them is between Paris and another chick. Howard said if he was with those two he'd explode. He told Robin about how he had his wiener up against Beth at Scores one time and he exploded in his pants accidentally. He wasn't touching himself and no one was touching him but he exploded anyway. Howard said he had to go visit ''The Doctor'' in the bathroom there at Scores. Howard said it was sexy because Beth was watching a stripper dance.
A listener asked Artie if he'd have to leave the show if he got this new sitcom gig. Artie said he hopes not but he's not sure. The caller said he hopes he does get it because he doesn't want him on anymore. Another caller said that he thinks Artie is a breath of fresh air and hopes he doesn't leave the show.
Howard brought up ''Survivor'' and how they've screwed it up this year by bringing back some of the people who were kicked off. Howard said it's not that good but he's still watching it. He went on to talk about how the station he's working at is having a concert in December called Clause Fest. He said he wants to go so he asked their program director about going. That led to him thinking about how long he's been working there at the station. He said he's been there for almost 20 years. Artie told him it's actually 18 years. Howard said that station is like his home. He said that's a long time to be working there. He's been working in New York for 20 years now if you include the WNBC days.
Benjy came in with some more info about the girl Nicole Lenz who Paris Hilton allegedly made a lesbian sex tape with. She was on the show back in March 2001. He read some of the information they had about her and then moved on to some other stuff.
Howard said that he got a note from Vinnie Favale's wife who told him how great Vinnie is. Howard said she loves when they play the tapes that he made. Artie said that on the flight he was on the other day gave him his card and wrote him a little note. In the note he wrote that Artie rules, F-Jackie and ''Debbie Debbie'' because of the Vinnie Favale love tapes. Howard played a few clips of those tapes and goofed on Vinnie a little bit before going to commercial break.
Howard read that Tommy was so thrilled there at the show that he was throwing dollar bills at the stage. Howard said that sounds kind of lame. Robin agreed and said that it does smack of loser so it's best that he didn't go. The show is scheduled to air on Wednesday night next week.
Howard said that last night's E! show was pretty graphic when Benjy was tea bagging this chick. He said the blonde laying on the floor was really hot. He also said that he was mistaken about the tea bagging thing. He thought that tea bagging was when a woman puts the bags on her eyes. He said he was corrected and told that what Benjy actually gave her was a Roman War Helmet. Benjy told Howard that he watched the show with his girlfriend and she wasn't so thrilled with Howard saying that he'd never been near a woman so hot. He said that's not true but Howard said it is true. He also said he doesn't want to get into a Benjy discussion.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people complain about Benjy doing what he did on the show. They also found out that the can of whipped cream they used was one that had been sitting in the studio for months. That's where the stink was coming from. So Benjy probably didn't stink like the guys were saying he did.
A listener, known as Crusher, called in and said that he had an update from the gym that he goes to where Don Imus works out. He told Howard about Imus benching like 20 pounds at the most. He also said that he wears a lot of clothes to cover up his body. The caller said the guy is such a miserable person it's unbelievable. The workout lasts about 35 minutes and he blasts out of there. The caller said that he wears work out gloves for the 20 pounds he lifts. Howard and the caller goofed on Imus for a couple of minutes before Howard got off the line and took another break.
Sanders the Chicken made his peck... er pick a short time later. The guys said the chicken was looking good because it was getting fed well. The chicken picked the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Artie said he's going with the Dallas Cowboys. He said he took a tip from this guy Vinnie who was in to present Howard the award he grabbed at an awards show. Daniel Carver was on the line a minute later and made his pick of the Indianapolis Colts. Robin was kind of rooting for Daniel to win and beat Artie in this pool for some reason even though he's a racist. Howard wrapped up the football picks a short time after that. Here's how everyone stands so far in the pool:
Howard played tape of Alan Combs from Hannity and Combs trying to talk with no voice on his show. He and Robin goofed on that a little bit. Howard also played tape of Paris Hilton's voice mail message. Her box is full so they can't leave a message. Howard said that he thinks Paris herself is full and she can't accept anymore.
Howard decided to replay the Vinnie Favale love tapes that he played late in the show yesterday. For those who don't know, Vinnie is the guy who works for CBS and comes on the show once in a while. He made love tapes for his girlfriend years ago because they were living 3000 miles apart. Artie didn't get to hear them so he played them for him. KC told Howard that one of them was really creepy because Vinnie was showing Debbie his sack in the tape. In another clip he repeats a whispered ''I love you'' over and over again to the camera. Robin said she thinks Vinnie should be arrested right now after hearing that stuff. Howard played another clip where Vinnie explains how he makes his video tapes. Vinnie rambles on about where he got his t-shirt and how he won it at an arcade. Howard said he could listen to those tapes all day long. Artie was ready to do that. He was doing his impression of Vinnie saying ''Debbeah'' and talking about his nuts and all. Gary told Howard that there's 45 minutes worth of stuff to listen to and it's so fascinating that they really should play the whole thing. Gary said it would take days to play that much tape though.
Gary told Howard about how Vinnie was on the Letterman show back then and was just starting to get some exposure. He mentions some Letterman stuff in the tapes. Howard and Artie were both goofing on Vinnie about that stuff. Howard stopped with the tapes after a few minutes of goofing on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they used tape from his show on a news program last night where he was interviewing Fred Durst about sleeping with Britney Spears. Howard played the tape and it was only about 5 seconds from his show. He listened to a couple of other clips from the interview where Britney cries. Howard had a little fun with those tapes. Britney also talks about her song ''Touch of My Hand'' and how it's about touching herself.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One woman told Howard how funny he and Artie were talking about Vinnie's love tapes. Howard said he had to limit the amount of Vinnie he puts on the air. He said he has a lot of other stuff he has to get to as well. Another guy called in and said that his Creepy-Meter was broken after hearing the Vinnie tape. It turns out Vinnie has only given them one of the tapes he sent to his girlfriend back then but he has like 50 of them.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and told Howard he thinks he's jaded (over the Victoria's Secret model show) because he lives with a super model. Howard said that the Victoria's Secret show is boring and Chaunce agreed with him there. He also brought up the new show ''The Simple Life'' that Paris Hilton is appearing on and it's great. They spent a minute on that but Howard had his buddy Ross on the phone. Ross was very tired sounding after staying out all night. Howard asked him why he was so excited to be at the show. They asked him who came up to him after the show and the only person who did was Ralph. He said he had fun there but Howard didn't think he would have had fun because he would have been written up in the paper as being one of the guys drooling over the models. Howard said that he had Debbie Favale on the line so he had to bail out on the calls.
Vinnie's wife Debbie called in and said that her husband was last seen in the fetal position because of them goofing on him. She said that he can't even listen to the show when they play that stuff. She said that he saw something nice in him back then and didn't know how odd it was until Howard started playing the tapes. She said there was more to it than the tapes back then. She told Howard about how they felt like they were dating even though they were just talking on the phone and sending tapes and pictures back and forth. Howard told Debbie that they need the other tapes. She said he can't even listen to the show anymore because of the tapes so she doesn't think he's going to give them up. Howard asked her if she dated Jeffrey Dahmer before Vinnie. She just laughed and said that Vinnie did date other women before her. Howard got off the line and took another break after that.
Howard asked Iliana about how often she shaves and how they have to stay clean. Iliana said that she has never gone number 2 at work so she doesn't have to worry about stinking there. Nilsa said she hasn't done that either but there are baby wipes in the bathroom for those strippers who have to go. Howard asked Iliana if she takes video with her boyfriend when they have sex at all. She said she uses a Polaroid once in a while but not a video camera. Nilsa said she's never done anything with video either. She said she has taken pictures just like Iliana.
Howard quickly mentioned that they have a picture of George Takei and his dog on HowardStern.com. It's the dog that's mentioned in the Kidd Chris phony phone call. The dog has since passed away according to the guys.
Iliana told Howard that she's going to school for speech therapy. Since she has an accent that got a few laughs out of Artie. She said she was going to be a nurse but changed to the speech therapy thing. She said that's what she's going to use the $15,000 for if she wins. She volunteered to go first in the game so Howard sent Nilsa off to the isolation booth.
Howard then asked Iliana her 7 questions. Here are the questions and her answers:
Nilsa came in and said that she saw Iliana crying and didn't know if she was crying because she was happy or sad. Iliana said that she was shedding tears of happiness. Nilsa said that made her even more nervous. Howard then asked her the 7 questions. Here are her answers:
A couple of women from Kuya Rum came in and presented Nilsa with her $15,000 check. Howard tried to get something for Iliana as a consolation prize. Gary said that they'd give her a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers but she didn't want that. She asked for something else. She asked for a camera but they didn't have any to give away. Artie said he'd buy her a camera if she stuck around until about 11. Howard thanked everyone for coming in and gave ScoresChicago.com a plug. Iliana was still upset with her loss and told them that she couldn't be expected to be happy about losing. Howard went to break a short time later.
50 Cent told Howard that he's got his own sneaker line with Reebok now and other clothes as well. Howard introduced some of the other guys that 50 Cent was there with. He also took the pair of sneakers 50 Cent gave him. He got size 14 for him.
50 Cent told Howard that he only went out with Vivica A Fox for about 2 months. 50 said that he met her down in Atlanta at one of his shows. Howard said he'd love to get a little stank on his hang low from her. He said he wasn't sure if she was there with someone so he just talked to her a little bit about coming out to see his show. Then he asked her out and they hung out. He said his mistake may have been going out in public with her too soon. He said he just stopped calling her because he thought her people were using him. He said stuff they'd do and talk about would come out in the press so he figured they were using that for publicity. Howard found out that 50 had taken her from behind as well. Howard talked about how hot Vivica is and asked the other guys if they got any off of her. They didn't get any though. He said he's never been in a situation like that before. Robin said that he was being a coward for not just calling things off.
Howard asked 50 Cent if he's getting any other famous chicks at this point. He said he's not getting anyone famous now. Howard told him he should be getting people like Hilary Duff and some other white chicks. He said someone like the Olsen Twins would be good too.
Howard read that 50 Cent bought Mike Tyson's old house. He said it's a really nice house and he doesn't even have to go anywhere. It's got a bowling alley, a disco, basketball court and all of that good stuff. Howard said he'd like to see that place sometime. It's right up in Connecticut so it's not that far away. He said it's even got a shooting range in it. Howard said he'd like to go up there and shoot with him. 50 Cent said that he's got three people working there at the house. Artie was doing an impression of Tyson as they talked about his old house.
Howard said the last time 50 Cent was on the show the cops came up looking for one of his security guards. Howard said he hopes he's not still with that guy. 50 Cent said he didn't know who he was talking about. Robin also brought up an incident where the cops wanted to talk to 50 Cent. He said he had nothing to do with the shooting in the hotel he was at though. Howard had some other stuff about 50 Cent that he asked about. He said that Ja Rule has a problem with him and there was some controversy between them and Louis Farakan. 50 Cent said that was all a publicity stunt from what he can tell.
Howard said that G-Unit's new CD ''Beg for Mercy'' is coming out today so he spoke to them about that. 50 Cent was discovered by Eminem and 50 Cent knew these guys G-Unit so he's helped get them noticed. Howard spent a minute on that and then got back to Vivica A Fox and asked 50 about going out with her some more. Howard asked him if he ''hit that with a rubber'' or not. He said he practices safe sex so he was wearing a condom. He has a 7 year old son already.
Howard read that all of the G-Unit wear bullet proof vests when they go out. The guys said they've all been shot at before so that's why they wear that stuff. One of the guys said he was shot in a home invasion. Another guy was shot out in front of a night club. He said that the bullet grazed him in the back. The home invasion guy said that the guy who shot him isn't living anymore. He said he didn't have anything to do with that though, it was just Karma. The other guy said that his shooter also had some bad Karma and was taken care of by someone.
Howard read that there's some controversy over his time spent in jail. They talked about that and about Eminem and how good he is. Howard then played some of G-Unit's new album. Jeff the Drunk called in during that and asked if Vivica gives good oral. 50 Cent said ''Oh no!'' and didn't seem to want to talk about that. Howard moved on and took some other calls from some fans of G-Unit and 50 Cent. They got into some discussions about some other rappers and Artie said he hasn't felt that unhip in a long time. Howard took a few calls and then wrapped up the interview.
Howard asked Dick if he voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger in the California recall election. Dick didn't want to tell Howard who he voted for though. He said he voted to keep the governor there but he still had to vote for someone else if that didn't work out. He wouldn't say who that was. Howard and Dick talked about some of the other stuff that Dick has been working on. Dick said that American Bandstand may be back on the air in 2005. He said he's very close to signing the papers to make that happen. Howard asked if he could host the show. Dick said they need someone in their 20's. Dick said he was 26 when he started hosting the show. He lasted until he was in his 50s. Dick said he thinks that Howard is just too old to do it. Howard threatened to get his own dance show and put it up against Dick's. Dick said he did that on New Years Eve one year. They talked about that a little bit until Howard started asking Dick about banging chicks.
Howard tried to get some info out of Dick about the chicks he banged years ago. He asked him if he banged any of the dancers on American Bandstand. Dick said the guy before him got fired for just that so he didn't do that. Howard asked him if his pubes are grey and stuff like that as well. Howard wanted to know if he ever banged any of the bands that appeared on the show. He said that never happened either.
Howard gave Dick some time to plug his American Music Awards that airs Sunday night on ABC at 8pm. Britney Spears is going to be there so Howard asked what she'll be wearing. Dick wasn't sure about that but he said she won't be kissing anyone like she did on MTV. Howard wasn't even sure if Dick likes music. He asked what he listens to these days. Dick said he likes Brazilian music. Howard then gave Dick a couple more plugs for his show and said that Jimmy Kimmel will be the host. He got off the line with him a short time later.
Howard said he's always so upbeat when he calls in. He said he bets that he's a pain in the ass to work for. He was also upset by the fact that Dick was able to buy that $15 million piece of property in Malibu. He said he'll probably turn around and sell it for like $32 million. He had Robin start her news shortly after that.