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Howard started off the show talking about how they work out of a legendary radio station. He was joking and said that the station used to be a disco station. He went on to say that the station used to be WHOM but it's now WXRK. He said his father actually used to work there when it was WHOM. He said he was in the engineering department at the time. Howard talked about what his father used to do there working for this guy Mr. Pope. Howard claims that he used to see Steve the Engineer when he was a kid. He said he seems to remember the guy being around when he went to work with his father when he was a kid. There were some other guys there as well. Howard said the signal there from the station has a long running history of Stern men.
Artie threw in his impression of Rush Limbaugh during Howard's discussion about the radio station. That led to Howard talking about Rush's prescription drug problem and how many pills the guys was taking. Howard goofed around with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he just got to the end of the book ''American Scream: The Bill Hicks Story'' and how depressed he got after reading it. The book is about comedian Bill Hicks who found out he had cancer at the age of 33. He talked about some of the other stuff he had going on in his life. Howard said the guy had one bad thing after another happening to him.
Howard talked about some of the movies he watched over the weekend. He saw ''The Hunted'' and said he enjoyed it. He sounded surprised by his own comments about the movie. Robin also liked the movie so they talked about that for a short time.
Howard got back to the ''American Scream: The Bill Hicks Story'' discussion and talked about that for a couple more minutes. Artie said he knows the author, Cynthia True, and told Howard about her going off to research her book. He also told Howard how she used to write for Time Out magazine years ago and would review comedians and stuff.
Howard changed subjects and talked about the baseball game yesterday. That led to him talking about going out to eat the other night because the restaurant name was similar to the player Hidecki Matsui's last name. He said he got blasted that night and when he ran into Gina Gershon he didn't recognize her. He thought she was just a fan and had to go back and say something to her after blowing her off.
Robin said she was at Columbia University over the weekend scouting schools for her 17 year old genius nephew. She and Howard talked about that for a little while.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and one guy asked Howard about Beth drinking. Howard said that she can actually out drink him. He said she can get really drunk and not look it. Howard took a few other phone calls after that. A guy brought up the Hicks book again and Howard said he thought about writing a third book after he read it. He said he actually started to write a third book but bailed out of it and deleted the whole chapter he'd written. He said it was a chapter about radio guys who take on stupid DJ names like Bawana Johnny and Human Numan. A short time later Crazy Cabbie called in to talk about how he changed his name to just Cabbie. Howard said he likes Crazy Cabbie better though. Cabbie and Howard talked about how bad his real name, Lee Mroszak, is for radio. Howard also talked about how Cabbie is working overnights 6 nights a week. Howard said that means they must believe in him there. Howard talked about how strange his apartment is with radio signals. He said even if he tunes his radio into his radio station's signal at 92.3, he ends up getting a religious station. He said it's like his clock radio has a mind of it's own and tunes in that station instead. Howard spent a minute with Cabbie before getting him off the line. He took a break a short time later.
After that Howard talked about how cold everyone looks at the World Series games. Artie said his warmth comes from Jack Daniels. That led to Howard and Artie talking about their Jack Daniels leather jackets and how cool they are. Howard also talked about the great money clip the people from Jack Daniels sent over to him. They talked about some of the other products they've gotten from them and how nice all of that stuff is.
Howard and Artie were goofing on Rush Limbaugh again for a short time. Howard said that he's going to send Rush some pills when he gets out of rehab. He said he's going to send him some blue pills and a jacket made out of Oxycontin. That led to Artie talking about being in rehab himself and how tough that was. Howard and Artie continued to goof on Rush and brought up some other stories about Artie's rehab. Artie said he went after a guy at Rehab because a guy said that his father was crazy because he fell off a ladder at work. It turns out there was a little more to it than that though. Artie said his father had put his ladder on a picnic table so he could reach the peak of the roof he was trying to get on.
Howard brought up this kid who lost both of his legs in the Staten Island Ferry accident that happened last week. Howard said this kid is really upbeat about the whole thing even though he lost both legs. Howard and the guys just can't understand that because they're miserable already and they don't have anything that horrible going on in their lives.
Howard brought up how a few kids have killed themselves at NYU lately. Howard said maybe they're pushing kids too far over there or something. Howard said he tells his kids not to try so hard in school because he's afraid they work too hard.
Gary came in and brought up some stuff that Artie has told him about being in rehab. Artie said he was in rehab at the time of the ''Private Parts'' movie premiere. He said he watched the whole thing from rehab with some other fans of the show. Howard said that was a fun time for him and he's working on some new stuff and wants to do another movie. He said he's been working with Stan Lee on some concept of his. Howard said he really wanted to do another movie after ''Private Parts'' but he hasn't been able to find a decent script since then. He said he might have to write something himself. He said he doesn't know why no one has tapped him for another good part since then. He had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard said that tomorrow they're having Carrot Top on the show. He wondered why they're doing that so Gary gave him a quick reminder. Gary told him that there were a couple of things they wanted to talk to him about. Howard said in that Bill Hicks book there's a story about Bill never being able to win the American Comedy Awards. On the day Hicks died they had the comedy awards and Carrot Top ended up winning. Howard said that made him even more depressed when he read that. Hicks had hoped to win the award because he was sick but it didn't happen.
Howard brought up Gary and Stuttering John's trip to the Bahamas to do an appearance. Howard said Gary told him that he had a good time down there and he and John had a healing weekend together. John said he really doesn't have any stories to tell about Gary. Howard went on to talk about how John forgot his passport when he went to the airport and had to have his wife drive it down to him. John said he didn't forget it, he thought that they didn't need it. Howard asked him how he could be so stupid with something like that. He said he'd be so pissed off if he did that to him. Gary said that he wasn't sure if they needed a passport or not either so it wasn't surprising that John didn't think he needed it. Howard went on to tell a story about Stuttering John gambling one time and how he was asking people at the table for money. He was trying to borrow money from strangers. John had some blackjack hands that he had to split. Howard complained about that for a short time and couldn't believe that he did stuff like that.
Howard said he thinks that John has been so brow beaten by Gary that he's afraid to talk about what went on down in the Bahamas. John said that he really didn't have much to report on. John did bring up some stuff that Gary and his wife were arguing about while they were down there. John said they couldn't talk about what that stuff was but Mary and Gary were arguing and Mary had him laughing his ass off.
Gary said that their E! show is huge down there in the Bahamas. He said the woman at the counter was a big fan and when he was leaving she told him to come back and ''bring the teeth'' next time. She thought that he wore special teeth on the E! show. He told her that those were the teeth and he doesn't wear anything else. He said that may have been the most embarrassing thing that's ever been said to him. He said the woman was very embarrassed after he told her that those were his real teeth.
John and Gary had to make speeches when they were down there. They shared some of the jokes that John does during his comedy act. Gary said that his act just goes on and on about him and it's amazing how much material he has on him. John also talked about how bad the band was that played at this event they were at for Bally Total Fitness. John said that he actually lost more money than he made going down to this event. Gary said John made more money than he's saying he did. John said he had a lot of other costs when he was down there though. He said he had some charges on his hotel room that he had to pay for.
Howard goofed on Gary a little bit about how his wife treats him when they're together. Gary said at one point during the weekend he gave his wife his sunglasses to hold on to them. He said the next day he asked her for them but she said she didn't have them. He asked her to look in her purse and she couldn't find them. Then she checked a little while later and found them. John told Howard about Gary going on the water slide out there at the place they stayed at. He also said that Gary ended up arguing about getting charged for 7 massages at the hotel. Gary said it's this big scam where they put this stuff on and then want to sell it to you for $49. He also said they charged him for 7 spa treatments and it would have been like $900.
Stuttering John said that Gary is still a chocoholic. He said he's on this diet but he's still eating a ton of chocolate stuff. He was eating peanut M&M's and Twix bars when they went on their trip. Howard asked Gary if there was any hint of getting a ''happy ending'' from the massage therapist down there in the Bahamas. Gary said nothing like that would have happened in his but Stuttering John said he had a woman banging her hand up against his private parts while he was getting his. Howard said he doesn't even get massages anymore because he's never even been offered a happy ending. Gary told Howard about Chaunce Hayden and how he goes to get massages from this woman every week and nothing ever happens. Then he recently went in to get a massage and he was really stressed out. The woman had him turn over and gave him a happy ending. She told him she could tell that he was very stressed out and wanted to help. Howard said he never gets a response like that. Artie told him about how he got one up in Toronto one time and the woman was so good at it that there was nothing sexual about it. He said it was like being on an assembly line. He said he'd go and get an Eclair from a place right nearby and he really enjoyed all of that stuff.
Howard told the guys about a fantasy he has about a massage therapist getting topless and then offering to give him a happy ending. Nothing like that ever happens though. Gary said that he went to a place where the guy ahead of him had a happy ending but he didn't get one. He said the guy told him what happened. KC came in and said that he's had massages from guys before. Howard said he would never let a guy give him a massage. He said he won't even let his girlfriend get a massage from a guy. He said that KC has to be gay. Stuttering John and Gary were saying that he must be gay too. Howard said if he was the President of the United States, there would be no male masseuses at all.
Artie said he ordered a massage out in San Francisco one time and a guy showed up at his door with his table. Artie said he asked the guy if he had to even say anything to him. They made eye contact and the guy just left. Stuttering John asked KC if the guy who massaged him did his inner thighs. KC said nothing like that happened at all.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in to tell Howard about his happy ending massage. He said he was going to this woman for 5 years before this one time that she gave him a happy ending. He said there was no towel on the table at the time and that's how he knew something was going to happen. He said he wasn't expecting it at the time so he wasn't aroused. He said then all of a sudden she started doing it so he tried to enjoy it. He said that it took like 5 minutes for her to finish him off. He said that she even cleaned him up and continued her massage. He said he wasn't sure what to pay her after that. He said she told him there was no extra amount for that but he threw her an extra $20. He said he doesn't know if he can go back to her now though. Howard wondered why he wouldn't go back. John said he'd go back to her every day if she'd do that for him. Howard said he can't go to that chick now either because it would be like he's going there just for that. He said he needs to have it happen spontaneously. Howard said he doesn't have five years to put in either so he needs something to happen quicker. Chaunce told Howard that this chick is like a model as well. He said she's like 5'10'' tall and weighs about 120 pounds. The guys also wondered why Chaunce doesn't ask her out. He said that would just ruin it for him.
Howard claims that he can control his erection when he's getting a massage. John said that he has pitched a tent while getting a massage and they say it's a normal thing. Howard said he's very respectful and doesn't let it get to that point. John asked Robin if she would get mad at Mr. X if he got a happy ending. Robin said she's pretty sure that he wouldn't tell her if something like that happened. John said he has friends who say that a happy ending is not cheating. Howard said women will break up with you if you're dating more than one woman so of course they're going to leave you if you get a happy ending.
A couple of listeners called in and told some stories about happy endings. One guy said his girlfriend set him up one time to see if he would do anything like that. He ended up getting caught but Howard told him that it's best he got out of that relationship. He had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard said they have the Smartest Stripper contest coming up and Andrea ''Miss Howard Stern'' is so tired that they couldn't wake her from her sleep. Howard said he was on her web site and one of her goals is to ''roller skate more.'' Howard and the guys talked about that a little bit. Gary came in and said he heard that Andrea was in the bathroom at Scores and as she was walking out she stumbled and fell into one of the stalls and landed in another woman's lap.
Howard said that Ronnie the Limo Driver has an office being built for him at the new Scores in Manhattan. Howard said he also heard that his e-mail address is ''Scores Man.'' Ronnie said it's actually ScoresMan923... Howard told him that maybe he's going a little to far with the Scores stuff. Howard started to talk about some of the suggestions that Ronnie has been giving the guys at Scores like having a fish tank in the restaurant and stuff like that. He said it's probably not a good idea to look at live fish when you're eating fish. Ronnie didn't know why Howard was busting his balls though. Howard was just having some fun with him. He said Ronnie used to have a lot of Playboy stuff on his limo years ago and it was just too much. Ronnie said he goes to the Scores office to work once in a while during the week. He said he only goes on days that he's no tied up driving Howard home or anything like that.
Howard goofed around with the ''Scores Man'' thing and made Ronnie out to be a super hero. Howard let a caller goof on him a little bit saying he needed some help at Scores. Chaunce Hayden called back to rip on Ronnie. He went off on him saying that he works for the Howard Stern show and he's leaching off of the show. The two of them tried bad mouth each other for a couple of minutes but Jeff the Drunk called in and told them to move on to the strippers. Ronnie and Chaunce got back to their arguments and goofed on each other for a couple more minutes. Chaunce says he's ready to fight Ronnie. He ended up leaving the studio when Howard wanted to move on to the stripper game.
Andrea said that KC has been coaching her on a lot of stuff and she has learned stuff like...
Howard sent Greta off to the isolation booth and then moved on to the game. The grand prize is $15,000 courtesy of Kuya Rum. Here are Andrea's questions and answers:
Kelle got in some plugs for her web site and for Sunny's. She said they did some photo shoot together so you can check that out on their sites SunnyLeone.com and KelleMarie.com. Howard asked Sunny if she's banging Chaunce Hayden or not. He got a note about that and asked if it was true. Sunny said Chaunce is a really nice guy and she did go out to eat with him. She wouldn't admit to having slept with him though. She said he was a lot of fun to hang out with but that was it. She swore to god that she didn't bang him.
Howard asked Kelle about the photo shoot she did with Sunny and how they got it on with each other during the shoot. Howard asked Sunny about her past lesbian experiences and got some good stories out of her. She said that she had a relationship with a woman that made her question her sexuality. Howard thought that the girls had done stuff together last night but Kelle said she was just joking around about that. Kelle does pleasure herself a lot so Howard asked her about that and found out she brings other chicks home for her boyfriend. She said she's constantly working around other hot chicks and that's where she finds them to bring them home for her man. Robin asked Sunny if she does the same thing. Sunny said it all depends on the guy. She said she might do it if the guy is into it. She said it might work in a new relationship but not in one that's been around for a while.
Kelle said she enjoys anal sex once in a while but Sunny isn't a fan of it. Sunny also told Howard that her family isn't very happy about her doing Penthouse shoots but they love her and support her. Howard gave the girls some plugs for an appearance they're making tonight at the Penthouse Executive Club in Manhattan. The girls said that the doors are open to the public at 9pm. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard said that the first Burger King opened up over in Iraq. He said that it opened up near a U.S. air base so there are guys lined up there all day long just waiting to get their burgers. Howard wondered if they use beef or camel for the burgers over there.
Howard said Courtney Love is supposed to go to court to get custody of her kid back. He said she called him the other day but he never got back to her. She was recently arrested for breaking her boyfriend's windows at his house. Howard said the message she left for him was hard to understand.
Howard read some e-mail that they got recently. Howard said someone asked why they don't do ''Mystery Guest'' stuff anymore. Howard said he has to get on Gary's ass to do that stuff. He also got an e-mail from someone who said that the reason Robin didn't like ''Kill Bill'' was because she's just jealous that Howard likes two of the women in the movie, Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah. Howard said there were some people who liked Gina Gershon when she was on the show. There were others who didn't like her of course. There were some who thought Gina was a pain in the ass and wouldn't shut up. He also got a lot of mail about Pam Anderson. There were some negative comments about her that he read through. One guy told Howard to stop kissing her ass already. Howard said that Pam asked him to go out with her on Friday night so he wasn't going to take the guy's advice.
Howard said some people are pissed about John picking on Gary so much. He read one of those and then took a phone call. The guy who called in and told Howard that their drinking shows are great so maybe they should try an Oxycontin show one day. Howard said he'd do that but Robin wasn't interested. She said she's not going to do any drugs like that. Howard said he'd do it and he'd follow Rush into rehab.
Another caller had an ''F***, Marry, Kill'' game for Howard to play. He gave Howard the names Daryl Hannah, Tawny Kitaen and Gina Gershon. Howard said he would...
A listener called in and said that he was coming home from the Yankees game on Friday and saw Artie holding up traffic while his girlfriend was walking on the side of the road. Artie said that she got out to get him some cigarettes. They ended up yelling back and forth about the situation and the caller said he never saw her get back in the car. Artie said she got back in after a block or so. Howard thought that was pretty funny. The caller said they were in the Bronx so she was the only white chick around. Artie said someone had to stay with the Mercedes. Howard goofed on him about that for a short time before moving on to Robin's news.
Howard started off talking about Robert De Niro and how he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He said that was kind of upsetting to read in the news. Howard talked about how he's been planning to get a colonoscopy but he keeps putting it off. Artie said that it seems like it's a completely curable thing if you catch it early enough. Howard said he's probably had it for 20 years now and still hasn't had it diagnosed. Howard talked about Bill Hicks' battle with cancer as well as Mayor Giuliani's battle. He also read about how guys can't get their penis hard after getting this prostate cancer. Howard and the guys talked about that and how the prostate produces the liquid that comes out when you orgasm so if that's not working, you have a really concentrated sperm ejaculation instead. Scott DePace came in and talked about that because a friend of his had the problem. He told Howard about what his friend went through with that stuff. Howard said he just wants to be dead because the human body is so fragile and frail. Howard said he does't have time to deal with something like that. He talked about how Tom Chiusano is the kind of guy who had time for that. When he was out getting treatments, no one even missed him according to Howard.
Gary came in during Howard's discussion with his breakfast. Howard complained about that and told Gary not to walk in with breakfast when he's talking. It came in late because KC was late this morning and he's usually the one who brings it in. Howard complained about how annoying Gary is when he comes in like that. He also complained about not having time to eat. At one point Robin described Gary as looking like a pelican as he walked in with Howard's food. Howard wasn't happy no matter what so Gary said that there's no pleasing him. He said he's seen Howard yell at people when they bring his breakfast in and don't tell him. He said it's different every day and there is no right answer for getting him his food or coming in like that. Howard said he had a perfect show planned today and this is what happened instead. He was going to talk about box cutters on airplanes but that never happened. Howard decided to take a break so he could eat his breakfast at that point.
Howard said he hates these guys and their cars. He said he doesn't understand the love people have for cars. He complained about guys who wax their cars and stuff like that. He said it represents free time and he doesn't have any. He and Gary said they've never waxed a car in their life. They both look at it as just transportation.
Howard read some e-mail he got about Miss Howard Stern who was on the show yesterday. There were some people who wrote in about the baby voice she has and how dumb she sounds. Howard said that people can think about her any way they want but she is moving up in the Smartest Stripper contest.
Howard read a story about Richard Simmons who was on a flight bugging people the whole time. He was singing to people and just annoying people in first class. Howard talked about how annoying that guy can be and how he really doesn't do anything for a living. Howard read that he was doing chair aerobics on the flight and throwing food and stuff like that. Howard said the airline should have just thrown him off the flight but since he's a celebrity, they let him stay on. Howard said he would have taken him by the pants and would have thrown him on the ground. Howard said the only thing worse could be Star Jones and Rosie O'Donnell being on your flight. He went on to say that no one needs someone like that annoying them on their flight. You just want to get from one place to the other with no hassle and you have to deal with Richard Simmons.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who suggested that KC and Miss Howard Stern be followed by cameras like Jessica Simpson and her husband. Another e-mailer complained that Howard did a paid product placement advertisement for Jack Daniels yesterday. Howard said it wasn't a paid advertisement, they were just talking about Jack Daniels stuff. Howard said they can't do product placement stuff like that because they'd be fired.
Howard got an e-mail about a story they talked about in the news yesterday. Merideth Viera from ''The View'' announced that she's going to do Playboy. The e-mailer complained that Howard talking about it might ruin it and she may not pose. Howard replayed the clip they played during the news yesterday and said they should picket Playboy to stop them from wrecking things over there. They had Carnie Wilson in recently and Howard said it was hardly up to their standards. Howard went on to talk about how Carnie has gained back a considerable amount of weight lately. He saw her in some magazine and she looked fat again. Artie said he would never get that operation because he would gain back the weight eventually and it would be really depressing.
Howard got an e-mail from a guy who asked if he would give oral to a guy if he could save his girlfriend from dying. Howard said there's no way he's going to give a guy oral for any reason. The writer had a bunch of similar questions and the answers were all ''No!'' He said he doesn't want to ''work on some dude's hose'' for any reason. He said he'd rather die than do that. Then he said maybe he'd do it to save his own life but he wouldn't make it enjoyable for the dude. He said he'd use a lot of teeth.
Howard said he got a note from Gina Gershon about the F***, Marry, Kill game they played yesterday. He said he would Marry Gina, F*** Daryl Hannah and kill Tawny Kitaen if he had to do that. Gina thought that Howard wouldn't marry her for some reason but he did say he would marry her. He went on to play tape they had from the green room the other day when Gina Gershon and Pamela Anderson had a discussion about penises. They talked about penis size and oral sex a little bit. Gina had a theory about how guys with smaller penises have to work harder to please women. Howard said that's not a big revelation though because it's been true for a long time. Pam said she's been very lucky and has never seen a small penis.
Howard said he went to get a massage after the show yesterday after they talked about getting happy endings at massage sessions. He didn't get one though. He said he feels like a baby on a changing table when he gets a massage. He said he ends up talking through the whole thing when he gets a massage. He said the massages are more stressful than relaxing. He was more worried about the fat on his thighs than anything else.
Howard said he saw Robin running yesterday and she really doesn't weigh anything. She doesn't have an ass anymore. Robin told Howard that she has lost close to 80 pounds on her diet (The Master Cleanser) over the past year or so. She talked about her current fast and how she isn't eating anything. She said she doesn't get hungry or anything and just sips her special drink after going for a jog. Howard asked Robin what she did yesterday after the jog. She said she went to see the movie ''Mystic River'' and then went home. She said the movie wasn't all that great even though the performances were good. Howard wondered if she has to do anything to get herself to sleep. She said she doesn't have to do anything, she just goes to bed.
Howard talked about how busy he was yesterday doing stuff with his production company. He told Robin how he had to watch ''Star Trek Enterprise'' last night. He said his girlfriend asked him if he wanted to be with her instead. Howard said he paused the show and had sex with her... and then got back to his TV show. He said it was a great night. He ended up getting back to Robin's story and asked her about pleasuring herself. Robin said she does that a couple of times a week but not every day. Mr. X isn't around all the time either so she doesn't have him to help her out. Howard asked her who she thinks about when she pleasures herself. She said KC never comes up because he's such a nut case. She said she once had Jackie in one of her dreams but that wasn't a fantasy or anything like that. She said Artie would never come up because he's always smoking, drinking and eating. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how Artie likes to have something in his mouth all the time. Artie said he got a box of Little Pepi's Pizzelles waffle cookies and ate a ton of those yesterday.
Robin said that she sometimes thinks about Mr. X when she's pleasuring herself. She said she never thinks about women. Richard Gere still pops into her head sometimes. She said male models from a Calvin Klein ad might pop in as well. She talked about the guy who plays Tarzan in the new TV show. She said he's not good at playing the part but he is beautiful. She talked about how she fantasizes about having guys take her in every orifice even though she might not be that interested in doing it in real life. Robin told Howard about how she fantasizes about being sandwiched in between a couple of guys as well. She said she never thinks about Asians or Indians but does have white and black guys in her fantasies.
A caller got Robin talking about her diet again. She told Howard that she actually likes her disgusting drink. She said it also makes you appreciate food more when you drink that stuff for a month. Another caller brought up last night's E! show and how great that was. Howard talked about that with the guy for a minute. He had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard said they have some new tape from Kidd Chris (KiddShow.com). Kidd Chris took Gary the Retard's voice and used it to make a call to Melrose Larry Green. He just threw in a bunch of clips that made no sense at all and had Melrose pretty confused. Howard said what's weird is hearing Melrose Larry Green being laid back. Kidd Chris kept playing Gary laughing and calling Melrose ''Ernie.'' Then Kidd Chris took Gary the Retard's clips and called Gary the Retard. Gary didn't even understand himself talking to himself. It was like dueling retards. Gary was arguing with himself for a couple of minutes and it was hilarious stuff.
Howard played tape of Star Jones talking about her weight loss and how she's been able to lose weight. She said she hasn't been talking about it because it's none of anyone's business. Howard pointed out that she's the one who would tell people that they shouldn't have their stomach's stapled and should be proud of themselves even if they're overweight. Howard called her a ''fat, pompous ass'' and said it would be funny if she had a heart attack today. He said it would be so great if she had a heart attack and dropped dead today. He recalled the time when he saw her down in the Bahamas when he was on vacation one time. She just sat there on a chair getting served food the whole day. Howard said he bets that black people hate her.
Howard played tape of Angelina Jolie talking about how she hasn't had sex in a year with Barbara Walters. Howard talked about that for a short time. He wondered when Barbara is going to die as well. He said he'd like to interview her so he could make her cry.
Dominic Barbara called in and complained about Howard talking about how surgery for obese people is ''the easy way out.'' Howard said it is the easy way out though and defended what he was saying. Dominic said that he's lost 75 pounds after having his stomach operation. He had to learn stuff about his diet and this operation helped him do that. Howard said that Carnie Wilson has defeated her stomach surgery already and he thinks that Dominic will eventually do the same. Howard said that there is a little baby whale inside of Dominic that wants to get out. Dominic said that he is looking better than he used to and he weighs less than Artie now. He said he's down from 305 pounds to about 226 pounds. Artie said if that's true, he wants to get this operation tomorrow so he can lose the weight. Howard said he guarantees that Dominic doesn't weigh less than Artie though. He seems to think he's lying or making it up.
Howard goofed on Ronnie about a fish tank idea that he thought Ronnie had for Lonnie over at Scores. Ronnie said that wasn't his idea though. He was just going to pass it along to Lonnie. Ronnie said he had some ideas about changing the restaurant over at Scores so they're going to put up a wall over there. Jeff the Drunk called in and told Scores Man to use his super powers to fly his ass out of there. Howard said Jeff hates Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't like him either. He wrapped up the discussion shortly after that. He continued to goof on Scores Man for a little while after that. He said he had no idea that Ronnie's screen name was ScoresMan923. Robin said he's like someone who married someone and took their name using Scores like that.
AJ told Howard about this guy who was gored by a bull and had to gouge the bull's eyes to get away from the thing. Howard said AJ has stories from people who went over Niagra Falls in a barrel and stuff like that. There are also descriptions of what it's like to be a professional team mascot running around in a heavy costume. Howard said they also talk to someone about going through an exorcism. There are also stories about what it's like to touch fake boobs and what it's like to change from a man to a woman and stuff like that. Howard said he's felt fake boobs and it feels kind of like a rubber ball... with skin around it.
Howard said they have descriptions of what it's like to swallow a sword and even what it's like to die and come back from death. AJ said a woman describes what it was like to die after drowning and what ''heaven'' was like. Howard said they also talk about what it's like to be in a tornado. Howard said they have what it's like to be a hit man. Howard said AJ is the editor for Esquire magazine and he put all of this stuff together. He wrapped up the call a short time later.
Howard said he didn't learn all that much from the call but did learn what it's like to be in a tornado. They talked about that for a short time and then went to commercial break.
Howard brought Carrot Top (Scott Thompson) in a short time later. Howard asked him about his eyebrows and what was up with them. Carrot Top said that it's his natural color and he has them plucked so that's why they look so thin. Howard said it makes him look feminine. Howard said maybe it's to make himself look goofy. Robin said she wasn't that bothered by them though. Carrot knew that this was going to be the first thing Howard picked up on.
Howard asked Carrot Top about why so many comedians hate him. He said there are a lot of people who do like him though so he doesn't know why they hate him. Howard said getting up on stage and making people laugh is a tough job so anyone who can do it has to be pretty good. Robin and Howard also asked him about the TV commercials he does. He said he has to take jobs as they come and the CALL ATT commercials are a good way to keep his name out there. Carrot Top said he knows that comics hate prop comics for some reason but he's just been doing his thing and doesn't care about that. He said he's never considered dropping the props and won't ever do that.
Howard played some clips of Greg Fitzsimmons talking about why Carrot Top isn't funny. Greg explained why he's not funny because all comics are clowns. Greg said that all of his stuff isn't funny and it's amazing that Carrot Top makes money even though he's not funny. Carrot Top said that there is a hatred for successful people for some reason. Greg was talking about free expression during his rant but then he says that Carrot Top's prop comedy isn't funny. Artie said that comedians are clowns in a way so he doesn't care how a guy goes about making someone laugh.
Watermelon smashing comic Gallagher also went off on Carrot Top one time when he was on the show. Howard played that clip and Carrot Top explained what his anger was. Carrot said that they shared a manager and it didn't make a lot of sense why Gallagher is so angry with him. Carrot Top also talked about the props that Steve Martin used to use in his act. He said he had even wackier props than he has and people accepted him. Carrot Top said Rip Taylor also hates him because he thinks he ripped him off as well.
Stuttering John said he hung out with Carrot Top and he's seen him with some hot chicks. He said he also frequents the Bunny Ranch. Howard asked him about that and Carrot seemed to be pretty open about it. Stuttering John wondered if Carrot banged the hot chicks he was with that night they were hanging out. Carrot wasn't talking and said that it was the night John Stamos blew them off. Stuttering John also said that Carrot had short hair and it wasn't bright red the night he hung out with him. He claims that he's never had plastic surgery either. Howard wondered about that and said that it looks like he's had something done. He swore he didn't though. Carrot Top said John Stamos brought him to a party that night and ended up dumping them.
Howard asked Carrot about going to the Bunny Ranch (BunnyRanch.net). He said he's probably the biggest celebrity when he goes there but there are pictures of other celebrities hanging up at the whore house. He claims that they comp him when he goes there but he does tip the girls he's with. Artie said the only thing he's ever comped out in Vegas is maybe a roast beef sandwich or something like that after losing 2 grand. Carrot Top told Howard about how he can have multiple women at the same time at the Bunny Ranch. Howard wondered if he likes anal and stuff like that. He didn't say much about that though. Howard said he seems like a dark guy but he has a clean act and all. Gary came in and said he heard that Carrot Top is into Bukkake. He likes to finish off on the girls.
Howard said Carrot Top was in to promote his new DVD ''Carrot Top Rocks Las Vegas.'' He'll be out signing copies of his DVD in Manhattan today in a couple of places. You can find out more at CarrotTop.com.
Howard took some phone calls for Carrot Top and one guy had a few nice things to say about him. Carrot said that he's got so much stuff with him when he travels that they have a tour bus and a tractor trailer with his stuff in it. There were others who had negative stuff to say to him as well. Howard asked Carrot if he has a girlfriend right now. He said he did until this morning. She'll probably dump him when she hears about the Bunny Ranch stuff.
Howard took some more phone calls and while he was doing that Carrot took off his shirt. Howard said he's pretty pumped up and has some big arms. Artie said he's like Joe Piscopo. Carrot said he ran into Joe one time and Joe told him to be careful because he'd end up looking like him.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he has a problem with Carrot Top because he has red hair. He said it makes it tough to be taken seriously when you have a red head like Carrot Top making a fool out of himself. Howard asked Chaunce about the Penthouse Pet, Sunny Leone, they had on the show yesterday and Chaunce ended up hanging up before he could even ask him a question. There were rumors that Chaunce had banged her but neither of them would confirm or deny it.
Howard took some more phone calls and there's one girl out there who has been going to his shows since she was 15. Howard asked Carrot if he ever banged this chick. They both said they haven't banged. Howard wanted Amanda to swear on her mother's life that she'd never banged him but she refused to do it. Carrot said they were going to bang one time but she was too drunk. Howard didn't seem to think that was a good enough excuse though.
Howard asked Carrot if his parents are proud of him. He said they are even though his father used to work at NASA and was kind of worried about him doing well doing this stuff. Carrot told Howard that he didn't get any sleep last night worrying about coming on his show. He was relieved that it went pretty well. Artie wondered what the overhead was on his show. Carrot said that it's pretty high so he only does theaters and doesn't do small clubs anymore. He said he kind of misses the smaller clubs.
Carrot said that Craig Kilborn has something in for him so he ended up talking about that for a short time. Howard gave him a couple more plugs for his DVD and web site before wrapping up the segment. Carrot gave the Monsters of the Midday down in Orlando a shout out since they come on right after Howard's show. He said they're a bunch of nice guys down there.
Howard read that Carrot Top gets a million bucks for doing 15 weeks at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Howard thought that was a pretty good deal. Carrot said he has to sell out to make that money though so it's not guaranteed. Carrot said he was enjoying the interview so much he didn't want to leave. Artie asked him if he had any props he could use during Robin's news. He didn't bring any with him though. Howard went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard asked Robin if anyone had joined her in her fast this month. She wasn't sure if anyone had. It was about 9:30 and Artie said he hadn't eaten since 9:10 or so. Howard was eating as they spoke.
Since Robin was inspired by David Blaine to go on this Master Cleanser diet of hers, the guys ended up talking about him and his kooky stunts. Howard said the problem with his stunts is that no one cares about them. Howard and Artie said they haven't cared about any of his stunts so far. Artie said he's kind of interested in this stunt that Blaine is planning next. He wants to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge and pop up somewhere else in New York City.
Howard said he was exhausted this morning but not from staying up to watch the baseball game. He just woke up at 3 in the morning for no reason. He said it's the job that makes him crazy. Howard went on to talk about this kid who managed to get a bunch of box cutters on an airplane and into it's bathroom. They stayed there for 5 weeks even after the kid e-mailed the FBI and told them what he'd done. Howard said that the kid has shown that the security really is lax at our airports. Howard said now the government is embarrassed and wants to put the kid in jail for 10 years. Howard said we're all in a haze from 9/11 and security is checking his mother and his girlfriend for weapons. Howard said he's seen them check his girlfriend so they can get her to take off some clothes. Howard thanked this kid for doing what he did and said that the people who should be going to jail are the people who let the kid through with the box cutters. It shows that the billions of dollars spent on airport security was a waste of money.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he heard about Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson going to the premiere of ''Scary Movie 3'' together. Howard heard about that and that they were all over each other when they were there. Robin said she heard that Pam wants Tommy and Kid Rock to share her. Howard and Robin talked about that for a short time before changing subjects. The caller brought up the new ''Joe Millionaire'' season. Howard said he doesn't want to watch it this time around. He heard that the ratings are horrible this season as well. Howard said the first season was kind of a let down as well so he has no desire to watch the new one.
The caller also brought up how the news outlets have picked up Pam Anderson's claims that she may be dead in 10 years or so. Howard said she mentioned that when she was in there the other day but he thought she was joking about that. Apparently she wasn't and now the news has picked up on that. Howard said that's kind of sad. Another caller told Howard that his girlfriend has Hepatitis C but she's being treated for that and he hasn't gotten it from her. The guy said it's only a blood to blood transfer, you don't get it just from having sex. Artie said no matter what that guy says, he's not having sex with anyone who has hep-C.
A listener called in and asked Howard about the time Howard made out with Pam Anderson at Scores. Howard said she hadn't been diagnosed with the Hep-C at that time. That led to Howard talking about that night for a while. Artie wanted some more details from the night so he asked Howard what Ralph was doing with scissors. Howard said Pam was wearing a dress and said that she was supposed to return it the next morning. She wished it was shorter than it was so Ralph got a pair of scissors and cut her dress into a micro-mini. Howard said she told them not to talk about her getting it all cut up because it was borrowed from this designer. Pam's co-star Natalie was also there and she was giving Howard little kisses. Howard said Pam got jealous and asked ''Hey! What about me?'' Howard claims that she pushed Natalie away and started kissing him. Howard said they were just little, feathery kisses. He said he was kissing her back and then she hopped off a short time later. Artie wondered what Howard did after that. He said he thinks he was completely aroused after that but he doesn't really remember. Ralph also had to burn some of the strings that were hanging from her dress that night. He said Ralph tried to hang out with the girls that night but once he left, the girls dumped Ralph.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him if he thinks he really had a chance with Pam that night. Howard said he had a dating streak back then that was pretty good. He said he might have had a shot if he'd hung in there. He pointed out that Kid Rock isn't all that great looking and he's getting Pam. Howard said he learned something from all of that. He went on to tell a story about Sandra Taylor calling him about something one day. He said she told him that Ronnie the Limo Driver has some kind of new confidence that she finds really sexy. Howard said that Sandra is Ronnie's wet dream and she found him sexy for some reason and it's all because he's showing some self-confidence. He went on to say that there are women who aren't into looks all the time, they're just looking for confidence. Howard said his girlfriend meets male models every day but she doesn't want any of them, she wants him. He said she's been with plenty of those guys in her past but now she wants him. Howard said he had to take a break before getting to the story about Liza Minelli and her ex David Gest. Gest is now suing Liza and Howard wanted to talk about all of that.
Howard read that Elton John was signed to work at Caesars in Las Vegas for a while. Howard said they were afraid of what was going to happen out there since Siegfried and Roy are no longer going to perform. That led to Robin talking about how they're reporting that Siegfried and Roy may not have been getting along too well for a while and couldn't stand each other. Howard said when they met them back stage a few months ago, they didn't seem to be getting along too well. He said they really didn't speak to each other much that day. Artie wondered why they didn't take a week off once in a while and go as far away from each other as possible. Robin said she thought that the two of them were like a married couple that never left each other's sides.
Howard read a story from the National Enquirer about Matt Lauer's cocaine dealer telling all. Howard said it's an old story though and he's not currently buying or anything like that. He read some other quick stories from the National Enquirer. He read one about Heidi Kluum being on the Tonight Show and having her bra pop off. He said that Jay Leno and Martin Short covered her up as fast as possible.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was at the Siegfried and Roy compound one time on a tour. He told Howard that the two of them had two separate wings at their compound so they didn't live together. The guy claims that he got to walk around the compound and met the two of them. The guy said he thinks that those two had been on the outs for quite some time. Howard and Artie goofed on Siegfried and Roy a little bit doing impressions of the two of them for a short time. Howard said he had to take another break after that. Robin wondered what Roy's condition was since she hadn't heard any updates lately. Howard told her that he's fine now. Robin asked Howard where the magic is in David Blaine's act. Howard wasn't even sure because all he did in his latest trick was just starve himself for 44 days. Robin said he made like $8 million doing that act though. It had something to do with the TV rights to air his dopey trick. Howard went right to break after that quick discussion.
Howard did a quick Top 5 songs for everyone. He said it seems like they never change though. All of the songs are bad and don't sound that much different from week to week. He played a few of the real top five which included The Youngbloods, Ludacris and Nelly. He also threw in the song parody ''Gay Photograph'' which is about KC's photo shoot. KC told Howard that he came in and said that the photo shoot led to one of the pictures becoming a poster. He said he got paid $3,000 for it and he doesn't care if it's for gay guys or not. Howard also said that Will out in the office is going around telling people that Howard is really in love with KC and he has proof. Howard called Will in to talk about it. Will said he's picked up on things and thinks that he is attracted to him in a strange way. Will said that when they went to Las Vegas Howard's first observation was about KC having his shirt off at the pool. Howard explained to Will why that was. He said he was down there with his girlfriend and KC came down and took his shirt off. All of the women were staring at him and giggling as they checked out his half-naked body. Will seems to think that Howard was enjoying the whole show as well.
Will told Howard that there were some other things that have happened which lead him to believe that Howard is attracted to KC. Howard seems to think Will is nuts and he doesn't have any attraction to KC. There was one time that Howard went to a steam room and ended up talking about that on the air. Will said he observed that KC was wearing underwear under his towel. It does seem like he's got his eye on KC quite a bit. Howard went on to say that he's been warned to lay off of KC a little bit because he's been acting so odd lately. Howard said that's why it seems like he's been so nice to him lately. Howard talked about the time KC snapped when Howard went off on him one time and how he's been laying off of him ever since. KC told everyone that he has never thought about harming anyone there. The guys pointed out how he has had thoughts about killing his own family members in the past so they are a little worried about what he might do. Howard told KC that when he's running through the station with his machete, remember how nice he's been. Howard said he's been warned about KC and that's why he's been so nice.
Artie told Will that Howard is not gay for KC, he's just scared. Howard said he really does think that KC is capable of snapping one day. Howard said his level of snapping has gone up since his family had an intervention with him and he's tried to be a little nicer to him since then. Gary said that he's seen KC stand there gritting his teeth when people are going off on him and then, all of a sudden, he snaps. Howard said he knows there's something going on in KC's head that they can't help him out with. Gary and John said they've had discussions about whether or not KC will ever be able to realize how messed up his childhood was. Howard said he just wanted to stop this discussion.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that KC has been doing better since he started going to therapy. Howard agreed with him on that point. Other people pointed out how KC has been showing up late a few times lately and Howard hasn't said a thing. The other day Howard ended up yelling at Gary because KC was late and his breakfast wasn't there early enough. KC said that he's been sleeping through his alarm for some reason and it might have something to do with the medication. KC also claims that he's been laying off of gambling lately as well. Dominic said that KC called his office the other day and he made sure to take his call as soon as possible because he's a very important person.
Stuttering John asked KC if he was going to be betting on the Breeders Cup this weekend. He said that he will be betting on that. KC said that he has been going to Gamblers Anonymous but he's still gambling. Everyone seemed to find that kind of funny. They told him that when you go to gamblers anonymous, you're supposed to stop gambling. He said he knows that but the gambling is under control. KC suggested that other people go to these meetings to hear how bad gambling can get. Howard said he had to take another break but Gary told him that Henry Hill had just shown up. Howard told him to bring Henry in right away.
Howard had Henry tell KC about how bad gambling is. Henry was just laughing as Artie was doing his impression of him. He tried to tell KC how bad gambling is but KC told him he knew that already.
Howard asked Henry if he wants to kill himself because of all of the guys he's killed. Henry said that he wants to kill himself for other reasons. Howard tried to find out more about the hookers Henry had last night but he kept getting sidetracked for various reasons. Howard kept steering him back on course and eventually got a few details from him. Howard asked him if he was high when the hookers rolled him. He said the only medication he was on was Viagra.
Gary came in and said that Henry came into town with a bunch of English pounds in his pocket. He didn't have US money and he may have been robbed because he didn't have any cash on him. Henry said that the hotel paid his cab driver but the cab driver ran off on him with his stuff. He said the cops are on that and trying to find his stuff.
Howard asked Henry if he's gay or not because he's had people call in and claim that he is. Henry said that he does like to look at them sometimes but then said he was just kidding. Howard said maybe that's where some of Henry's problems come from. Howard asked him if he's been with guys before. Henry said something about guys in prison doing stuff but said he was just kidding about that as well. John brought up one story about Henry having a threesome once with a guy and a girl and the guy finished him off or something like that. Henry was so out of it he was admitting to stuff and then taking it back.
Howard let a phone caller confront Henry. He was goofing on him about the gay stuff as well. Howard ended up giving the guy a trip to Las Vegas and some cash as a prize. Another guy, Paulie, called in and asked Henry when he's going to fight him. He's been on the show with him in the past and wants to fight Henry in the ring. Howard said he's not sure Henry could stand up to the guy for long in the ring. Howard wanted to bring both Paulie and Henry in tomorrow to confront each other. He said they could talk about doing a fight together. Paulie and Henry argued with each other a bit and Henry was laughing in that very distinctive laugh of his.
Howard told Henry he doesn't think that he could actually fight. Gary didn't think that he could even pass a physical. Another guy by the name of Matty The Horse called in and went off on Henry a little bit. All Henry could do was laugh. He was also cursing. Howard eventually got a few more details about the hookers that rolled him the night before. Henry wasn't even sure what happened to him. Matty and Henry know each other so Howard let the two of them talk a little bit. Howard asked Matty if Henry ever really killed people. Matty wouldn't answer and told Howard to ask Henry himself.
Howard asked Henry if he thinks the World Series is fixed. Henry started to answer but went off on a tangent that had nothing to do with the question. Howard let a few more callers through to yell at Henry before wrapping up the segment. He ended up playing the final two songs from the Top 5 he started almost an hour before. Henry said he though that Hillary Duff had the number one album. Howard tried to find out how he knew that but ended up talking about the whores who ripped him off the night before. Henry was also telling KC about backing off of gambling. KC ended up telling everyone not to ask him about how his gambling is going. It sounded like a serious warning. Howard asked KC if he's still going to gamble on the Breeders cup. He said he is going to do that but he's not going to bet beyond his limits. He said that is under control. Howard finally got to the commercial break a short time after that.
This guy Kevin called in and said he had some info about Dominic Barbara. He told Howard that Dominic had an On Air light installed outside of his office so when he calls into the show, he can flick it on so he's not interrupted. Robin didn't think that could possibly be true but Howard said he believes it. Howard talked about some of the other wacky stuff Dominic has done in the past and how obsessed he is with them. Stuttering John came in and said that he's heard some stories about him as well. He said he heard about a woman who went to his office and had to sit through 20 minutes of Dominic talking about everything he's done on Howard's show. Howard said he's seen microphones and TV cameras in his office as well. He said it's got nothing to do with Dominic's career but he has the stuff in his office for some reason.
Dominic called in and said that he does not have an On Air light in his office. He told Howard they could send and E! camera right down to see for themselves. Howard wondered about the big TV camera he has in his office as well. Dominic said it's from 1942 and it's an antique. Howard said he also has some other microphones and stuff but Dominic denied that as well.
Howard wondered what has happened in her life that makes her want to do this stuff. She said she finds it amusing. Howard said she's got a really nice body and tried to find something wrong with her. He said her ass was nice and her body was really nice.
Howard played some jingle questions that they had. He played the musical questions that ask her about liking Bukkake and being double penetrated among a few other things. She said she find the Bukkake thing to be degrading but she does like to be double penetrated. He also asked her if she'd bang him. She said she would if he was tested. She also said that she would let another woman do her with a strap on. The jingles asked her if she would like to have a three way. She ended up telling Howard about bringing other chicks home for her husband and herself.
Brooke told Howard that she's looking for 15 to 20 midgets to bang her. She said you can find out more info at WorldsSmallestGangBang.com. Howard put Eric the Midget on the line during this bit but he said that wasn't the reason he was calling in. Howard said Eric has a lot of medical problems but Brooke didn't seem to mind that. She said she wouldn't even mind the fact that he's in a wheel chair. Eric told Howard that he has Elhers Danlose but no one was sure what that was. Howard asked Eric if he wanted to be hooked up with this porn thing. He said he doesn't want to enter the entertainment business in that way. He was trying to talk to Howard about how PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment for Animals) wants to change the name of his town. Howard let him talk about that for about 10 seconds before bailing out on him.
Howard got back to Brooke and her search for midgets. They talked about that for a few seconds before Howard asked her about banging other chicks and stuff. She told Howard how that works and how the women already know before they come over what they're in for. They also talked about her porn movies and stuff like that. She said that they're available at any video store. Howard said he hasn't seen any porn at his video store lately. Howard had her take her top off for them before he wrapped up the interview. Howard asked her if they feel real after finding out that they're silicone implants. She told him he could feel them for himself if he wanted so Howard had her come over so he could check them out. Howard felt them up and Fred played the car horn honking sound effect as he touched them. Then he told Artie to check them out. Artie felt them up and then Fred took his shot at feeling them up. Benjy got in on it and even Robin came out of her booth to check them out. Brooke took a feel of Robin's as well. Artie wanted to see if they tasted real but he told her he was just kidding. Robin said they feel better than the saline but they still feel fake.
Howard gave Brooke another couple of plugs for her web site BrookeHunter.com and for the gang bang she'd going to be doing. He took a break right after that.
Howard talked to Jeff about playing basketball with Garry Shandling and his buddies. Jeff said it's like a real basketball game even though people like Craig Kilborn and David Duchovny show up to play. Jeff told Howard about Garry's house and what the games are like. He told Howard that he should come out and play when he's out in L.A. He said a couple of women have come to play as well. Sarah Silverman played one time that Jeff was there. He said he's never seen Jimmy Kimmel there though. Jeff said that if you're not obnoxious you can probably get invited back to play. He said he gets the call pretty often but hasn't been able to play much lately. Jeff told Howard that Gary also has pool parties once in a while and he has a lot of people over to them.
Howard ended up talking to Jeff about Carrot Top a little bit. Jeff said he likes Carrot Top and never had a problem with him. Howard said he had him on yesterday and Artie said he'd rather open up for someone like rather than headline because he'd make more money that way.
Howard said that they have Jenny McCarthy coming in tomorrow. He said he finds her really hot. He said he thinks that he could probably feel her boobs because he heard that Sharon Osbourne was sitting there feeling her up during an interview she did with her the other day. Howard said he knows a lot of guys think that she's kind of annoying because she talks too much. He said he can understand that but she's still hot to him. Jeff said that he thinks she's starting to get a ''cartoonish'' look though. Howard seemed to agree with that and said that her forehead is getting kind of high and she does look a little cartoonish. Howard moved on to Robin's news and said that Jeff would be sitting in to comment on the stuff Robin brought up.
Howard started off the show saying they have a very busy show. He said Clay Aiken was supposed to be on the show today but his management wanted them to sign some kind of contract or something and someone had a problem with it and didn't sign it. Howard said it was standard stuff from what he could tell. They didn't want them to use his music on the show for replaying on E! or anything like that. They didn't sign it though so he's not going to be on now. He said he figured they could have worked things out but now they're not going to have him on. He talked about meeting Clay down in Atlantic City a few weeks ago and how nice he was. He's got the number one album in the country according to Howard. He said he was going to let him sit next to a naked Benjy when he came in to see if he got aroused. Howard said he would have done a nice interview if he'd come in. Howard read some of the contract he had and all of the restrictions they had in it. It was all pretty basic stuff from what Howard could tell but his agent always tells him not to sign anything. There was something about photographs in the contract that Gary pointed out but Howard said that doesn't apply to them.
Robin wasn't too upset about losing Clay as a guest. She didn't seem to think it was that big of a loss. Howard thought it would be kind of fun to have him in though. He asked Robin if she didn't want to know if he's ever ''suckled a man.'' She said she didn't care. Howard said they have Jenny McCarthy and Rena Sofer from the show ''Coupling'' coming in as well. Howard said he's seen that show and it was pretty bad. He and Robin talked about the show for a short tim and how bad it was for a minute. They moved on to the Yankees game discussion after that. Artie sounded a little upset about his team losing for a few seconds before Howard had to take his first break.
Captain Janks called in to get a plug this morning. Howard gave everyone a taste of Janks' work. Howard played a clip of Janks calling the Travel Channel and saying he wanted to go on a trip to Howard Stern's ass. Howard said he finds it funny how people respond to that stuff. In a second call Janks calls asks a guy if he would like Howard Stern's ball sack. He then yells out that the guy is an asshole as they're cutting him off. That was to Dave Despain on the Speed Channel that he nailed with that one. Despain says ''No!'' when Janks asks him about the ball sack. Howard had to replay that one.
Howard gave Janks a plug for an appearance he's making at The Wet Whistle in Jenkinstown, Pennsylvania on Saturday. He's also going to be on ''Hollywood at Large'' on Court TV tonight. For some reason Artie thought Howard was going to say that Janks was going to be on Hollywood Squares. They played around with that for a short time and then played some more of Janks' calls. He called into a medical show as a few different people and brought up Howard Stern's balls. Janks said he has a new phone plan that allows him to make as many calls as he wants for $67 a month. He said it's awesome.
Janks called a show where they had an editor from The Daily News. Janks asked him why they use unflattering photos of Howard but the host cut him off and wouldn't let the guy answer. Howard said the reason they don't use a good picture is because there are no good pictures of him. Howard ended up talking about the Private Parts poster they had years ago and how that wasn't really his body. He said they used his chest but his arms weren't really his. Howard said those arms looked like Carrot Top's ridiculously muscular arms.
Howard played one last call where he just yells out ''Robin Quivers pooped herself!'' He gave Janks another plug and was about to wrap up the segment. Janks mentioned that Fred ''Rerun'' Berry died yesterday so they spent a couple of minutes arguing about whether or not he was the guy who said ''Hey, hey, hey'' on ''What's Happening.'' Janks pointed out that Berry was famous for doing 30 second personal phone calls to fans. Gary said he was offered the chance to do the same thing. He said he was pitched the idea and was told he could make $1,200 just sitting by his pool calling people. Howard said a guy on a cell phone asked him to say hello to his girlfriend the other day. He just walked away but figures he should have charged the guy $30.
Captain Janks said that he's been pranked by ESPN for the past few days every night throughout the night but he doesn't care. He said he enjoys getting those calls though. He doesn't pick up the line and just lets the answering machine answer for him. Howard talked about how these other TV shows don't bother checking their sources before putting people on the air. Janks has made that very clear by getting on the air posing as many different people. Howard let Janks off the line a short time later. He said he loves those calls.
Howard got back to Fred ''Rerun'' Berry again and read his obituary. He said he was married a bunch of times and he was only 52 years old. He had appeared in an episode of ''Scrubs'' last season and he was doing celebrity calls for HollywoodIsCalling.com. Howard said he died in his sleep sometime between Monday night and Tuesday morning. Howard said they had him on the show a couple of times as well. The guys were still arguing about who said ''Hey, hey, hey!'' on the show. Howard said that everyone said it but Robin and the guys said that it was Dwayne's line that everyone else also said.
Howard spent a minute talking about this guy who went over Niagra Falls with no barrel or anything the other day. Howard read that the guy's father had laid him off from his job so he was all depressed and stuff. He found the article a short time later and talked about how the guy was depressed before he made the leap over the falls. Howard talked about how the guy thought he was going to get some money for doing that but he didn't wait for someone to offer it to him, he just made the jump. That led to the guys talking about David Blaine and his stunt in England and how lame that was. Howard had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard said that their old friend and DJ Meg Griffin was trying to save this club The Bottom Line. Howard said that she sent him an e-mail and asked him if he had any ideas on how they could save the club. Howard said he doesn't have any ideas but he does believe in her cause and figured he'd put it out on the air. He told everyone how he saw some pretty cool stuff over there over the years. Meg called in a short time later to talk about that with him. She said she was on her way over there as she was talking to Howard. She told Howard how the club got hit hard after 9/11 and the club was hit with an eviction notice. She said they need to come up with $650,000 today to save the club and keep it open. Meg said that even Howard did some shows there at the club. Howard said they need a big benefactor to come in at the last minute and save the club. Meg said they have raised a nice amount of money but they still need quite a bit more. Howard said what she's doing is very good because it's one of these places that makes New York great. Meg told him that they need that $650,000 immediately. She gave out the phone number to the club and said anyone who can come up with that kind of coin can save the club from eviction. She suggested that one of these big celebrities who has worked there come forward and put up the money.
Howard was wondering where Bon Jovi, The Beatles and Bruce Springsteen were. They used to work the club and should come forward and put up some money. Meg and Howard went on and on about saving the club for quite a while. Meg said she'd call back later and check in to see if they've gotten any calls from people who want to save the club. Howard got off the line with Meg and talked about how he started out in radio with her many years ago. Howard said he wanted to get into her pants back then but he had no chance. Howard said that she's not the type of chick who would be good in bed though. He figures she wouldn't even give you oral if you wanted it. She hated some of the stuff Howard did on his show when she worked at his station. She yelled at Sam Kinison on air one time about some of the stuff that he was doing back then.
A listener called in and asked Howard why he isn't donating to the Bottom Line thing. Howard said he has a very complicated financial situation since his divorce. He said he's not allowed to donate that kind of money. Howard said they need someone serious who can give that kind of money.
Howard changed subjects and asked Fred if he was going to Scores with them tomorrow night for Ronnie the Limo Driver's birthday party. Fred said he's got other things going on. He said he's got to go out to his house on Long Island to clean up some stuff and then he has stuff going on Saturday that he has to go to. Howard said he doesn't believe that though. Gary said he doesn't think Fred is as horny as the rest of them. Fred said he is horny but he has more important things to do. John said that it's not just them being horny, it's also to celebrate Ronnie's birthday. Artie said he doesn't think he'd be going to the party if it was being held at Chuck-E-Cheese.
Howard heard that there were going to be like 37 people at this party. He said that Scott the Engineer isn't allowed to go. He also asked Ronnie about his wife and Ronnie walked out. Howard goofed on him about his Scoresman923 screen name a little bit. When Ronnie came back in Howard asked him about his wife and he walked out again. Howard didn't understand what was going on. Howard said that he asked Ronnie about how much e-mail he must get with that screen name. Ronnie said he doesn't even check his e-mail. His wife set up the e-mail account and that's the name he picked. Ronnie came back in and asked if they could just talk about his party. John asked Ronnie if he just tells his wife that he's having a party and she's no invited. He said it's a guy's party so it's not a big deal. Howard played the latest bit from Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) and Reverend Bob Levy (revboblevy.net) where they goof on ScoresMan923. Levy gets a lap dance and then Sal, as ScoresMan923, comes in and saves the day cleaning the glitter and fish smell off of Levy. Ronnie and the guys thought it was pretty funny.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that someone is using his ScoresMan923 screenname to IM him. Ronnie said he wouldn't waste his tim doing that and it's not him. He said he wants to talk to him off the air about that. Howard said he had to get to Jenny McCarthy after taking a break. He said he wants to feel her boobs like Sharon Osbourne was doing the other day on her show. Gary came in and told him that might actually happen even though her husband was there with her.
Jenny told Howard that she heard that he wanted to feel her boobs so she told him to come right over and do it. Howard heard that Sharon Osbourne had done that the other day so he wanted to do the same. Howard went over and put his arm around her and then felt her up. Fred played the horn honking sound effect as he was doing it. Howard said they felt great and sat there feeling them for a minute. She said she thinks that they're silicone but she wasn't sure. Howard told her they felt great and asked her who put them in. She joked that she had a guy in an ally do them. She then told Howard that Dr. Terry Dubrow in Newport Beach put them in. Howard and Robin said everyone should get them done by that guy. Howard wanted to go back and feel them again after he went back and sat in his chair. Benjy asked if she'd be up to having all of the guys put their names in a hat and pick one person to feel her up. She said the only other person she'd let feel them is Robin.
Jenny told Howard that she will have another baby one day but she's very happy to have her body back so she's going to wait a while. Howard said he's always wanted to bang her. She said at least he got to feel the top part. Howard said next time he wants to go to third base with her. She told him it would be okay to feel her ass as he feels her boobs but won't let him go that far. Howard said he wanted to feel her ass next time she comes in but she ran over and let him feel it right then. Howard said she wasn't wearing any panties. Howard said she has some nice ass on her. He said his hands are really big on her tiny ass.
Howard told Jenny that she should let him bang her sometime, he won't tell anyone. Howard talked to Jenny about some of the projects that she's been working on with people like Kirk Douglas and some other people. She's also doing some backyard wrestling movie. Howard wondered why she's doing stuff like that. She said that her husband is putting her in this stuff.
Jenny talked about the new movie ''Scary Movie 3'' and her book ''Belly Laughs'' that's coming out next year. She put a book out a couple of years ago and refused to do any promotion for it. Judith Regan said something about how she learned a lesson from working with her and said something about how she knows better than to work with air head blondes anymore. Jenny didn't want to get into the details about what happened there because there was some personal information leaked by Judith that she didn't want out there.
Howard said that it's going to be hell for Jenny's son when he gets older because all of his friends are going to be horny for her. Howard ended up asking Jenny about how many times she masturbates every week. She told him she does it a few times and thinks about a bunch of different guys. She said her husband appears in the fantasies as well. Howard seemed to think she was lying about that. When he was asking Jenny about her husband banging her he started to say something about spreading her ass... but cut himself off. Jenny asked Howard if his girlfriend ever uses a pocket rocket on herself. Howard said she only uses it when she's with him.
Howard asked Jenny about the lawsuit she had over her book Jen-X. She said the lawsuit ended up getting dropped when she dropped her manager. She didn't know what he was thinking with that so she took control of her live and dropped the suit.
Howard read that Jenny has some digestive problems so he asked her about that. She said she used to have problems with diarrhea and stuff but she went and did this cleanse diet and cleared herself out. Howard asked her about that and found out that she had to get into a gown and got a colonic to clear her out. Howard said that doctor has the best job. She claims that they flush you out and you see stuff that's been in you since you were like 5 years old. She said after that cleanse, she has no problem going to the bathroom. She said she has like 3 movements a day. Howard said he was finding out a little too much at that point.
Howard took some phone calls for Jenny after that. A guy asked Jenny if she ever had an affair with Colin Quinn when she was on Remote Control. The problem was that she was never on Remote Control. A couple more callers had some comments and questions for Jenny. One guy asked her to elaborate on ''Pamela's pussy'' that she mentioned earlier. Jenny said she was talking about Pam's cat that was very pretty. Howard ended up asking Jenny about being with other women. Jenny claims that the last woman she was with was when she was in college. He tried to get details about that experience out of her. She said that she and this other chick made out and stuff in front of a bunch of other people.
A caller asked Jenny why she makes these goofy faces when she's on TV and in movies. Howard told the guy that's what she does and she gets paid to do it. Another guy gave Howard an ''F***, Marry, Kill'' game. He gave Howard Carmen Electra, Pamela Anderson and Jenny. Howard said he would kill Pam, bang Carmen and marry Jenny. He said he's not into that Hepatitis C stuff with Pam. Howard ended up giving that guy a $500 prize courtesy of ''Scary Movie 3.''
Howard said that Jenny is appearing at some club tonight to promote Goldschlager liquor. She's going to be at the Que Lounge and they'll be having some contests going on there where you can win a trip to Vegas. Howard asked her if she's getting paid to do this. She said she does get paid to do it but didn't say how much of course. She said she'll probably wear some Frankie B jeans and some heels. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that.
Howard said that Rena Sofer from the NBC show ''Coupling'' was in to talk to them today. He wondered what it's like when they have a show like that and it's supposed to be the next ''Friends'' but it just doesn't do well. Rena told Howard that they never thought they were the next ''Friends.'' She said it was supposed to be a slam dunk new show but it hasn't quite lived up to NBC's expectations. She said it's the number one new sitcom and they're number 12 out of 110 shows. She said she thinks NBC wanted them to be the number one show and it just hasn't happened. She told Howard that they were using the scripts from the British version of the show and the translation may not have worked. Tonight's show is the first script that was written by their American writers so it will be different.
Howard figured that the actors were probably counting their money already and were planning to ask for a million bucks an episode. She said they all agreed they weren't going there though. Howard moved on and asked Rena what kind of name Sofer was. She said it's a Jewish name. Gary came in a minute later and said that her husband is a big director who does shows like ''The O.C.'' and stuff like that. They spent a few seconds on that and then got back to ''Coupling.'' Rena said that the show will be taken out of NBC's schedule for Sweeps month but they will be back in December. She seemed very confident that NBC will renew them for the rest of the season.
Howard asked Rena about growing up and how her mother was hardly around. She said she only saw her like a week a year or so. She said that her mother was in the business of teaching people how to be psychologists for children but she was never around for her own kids. Howard found that to be pretty funny. Rena said she hardly talks to her mother anymore. She said her last words to her mother were ''Bye.'' She told Howard how her father was a Orthodox Jewish Rabbi and her mother was basically an atheist. She said her father never remarried or anything so she didn't have a step-mother or anything like that.
Gary came in and said that he read that her father once asked her if he gives good oral because it's important to a relationship. She said her father only cares if she goes out with another Jewish guy. Howard also found out that Rena has a daughter. He talked to her a little bit about that and got back to her parents a little bit. Rena said that her mother once told her how great her father was in bed.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he went to school with Rena. He was in the same class as her. It turns out she was in the ''M'' class which was for the kids who didn't do so well. The guy didn't have much to add to the story though so Howard took some other calls. One guy said he used to beat off to her when he saw her on ''General Hospital.'' Another guy asked her what it was like to work with George Takei on ''The Chronicle.'' She said he was great so Howard told her how he's their hero. Artie did his impression of Takei a little bit as well.
Howard asked Rena what it was like working with Ricky Martin and if she ever saw him with chicks. She said she knew nothing about that. She said she was busy sleeping with her husband at the time. Howard started to wrap up the interview shortly after that and encouraged people to give ''Coupling'' a second chance. It airs tonight at 9:30pm on NBC. Howard ended up spending a couple more minutes talking to Rena about her mother and how she abandoned her at 2 years old. Howard read that she was on ''Melrose Place'' but he didn't remember her. That's because she was on the last season and he didn't watch it then. Same with ''Just Shoot Me.'' He didn't see her in that either. Robin said he's like her mother and abandoned her. Howard went to commercial break after that.
Howard interrupted that to talk to Jack Black who called in to promote his movie ''School of Rock.'' Jack said it's only up to $55 million so far and everyone is saying that it has to do $100 million to be considered a hit. Howard said he loved the movie. Jack said he's still out there plugging the movie trying to help get it up there toward $100 million. Howard said Ivan Reitman told him you have to make $100 million to get good scripts. Jack said ''Shallow Hal'' only did $70 million. Robin told him he's got to beat that with ''School of Rock.'' Artie said he went to see the movie with his girlfriend and it was good. He said his girlfriend is a school teacher and she thought it was good.
Howard said his daughter and her friends made him bring out his guitar to pretend that they were in ''School of Rock.'' He said his girlfriend had to leave because it sounded so horrible. He said they were jamming and singing some lyrics that they were making up. Howard said he'd pay Jack to come over to play his daugter's birthday party. Jack said he'd do that even though Howard said he'd only give him $500 to do it.
Howard read that Jack wanted to play Ozzy Osbourne in some movie they're doing about his life. Jack said he'd like to play the part but Robin said they hired Colin Farrell to do it. Howard said hiring that guy to play Ozzy is like getting Brad Pitt to play Artie Lange. Howard said they watned to get Jeff Goldblum to play him in his movie ''Private Parts'' and he wondered why they didn't get someone like Denzel Washington to play him. He said he had to play the part himself because he wanted to be able to go see it himself.
Howard gave Jack a couple more plugs for his movie and said that it ranks right up there with ''Ace Ventura'' and ''Deuce Bigelow'' in his book. He said he doesn't mind giving Jack some plugs for that movie. Howard said that Rob Schneider is really good in those Deuce Bigelow movies and that's all he should do. He also sadi that Rodney Dangerfield used to make some great films as well. He said Jack ranks right up there with those guys. Howard talked about his own movie and how that made $40 million in the theaters. He said he'd like to do another one but the schedule was nuts. He said he'd do it again though.
Captain Janks called in and said he used to love when Meg was no the same station as Howard and used to complain about Sam Kinison and all of that stuff. He wanted Fred to play the bit they put together years ago where they had her complaining about Sam. Howard had Fred try to find it while he took some phone calls.
Al Goldstein from Screw magazine called in to talk about how the magazine is going through some bankruptcy problems. Al begged Howard to let him come in to show him how good he looks. Howard let him ramble for a few minutes about the magazine and how he has another issue coming out in 3 weeks. Al told Howard that he's getting married again to a 24 year old. He said that shortly after telling Howard he lost most of his money in the four divorces he's been through. Howard said that's just sad because the girl is going to get all of his money and he'll be all alone again after that. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that quick phone call.
Howard said he loves Friday. He sounded pretty happy today compared to yesterday. Howard said that they have the Smartest Stripper contest coming up today. He then went into complaining about something that Jimmy Kimmel brought up on his show. He said this show Inside NFL on ESPN stole Howard's game where they ask a person a question and guess whether or not they're going to get it right or not. They asked Zack Thomas of the Miami Dolphins what the DC in Washington DC means and guess whether he's going to answer incorrectly or not. Zack says ''District County'' and gets some laughter. Howard was wondering if he should be pissed or not. He said he wants to call the people at that show and ask them how they can steal something so blatantly. He just got over a lawsuit he had against another show that stole stuff from him like that. This led to Howard bringing up how there was a station out in the mid west somewhere where the DJ called his producer ''Baba Booey.'' Howard thanked Jimmy Kimmel for bringing up the fact that they stole that bit from his show. He went on to talk about how upsetting it is that these shows rip him off so blatantly.
Howard said he took out a lot of his frustration on Tom Chiusano yesterday over censoring of his show. He said he was talking to Tom about how his show is censored but he sees this show ''Skin'' where they show two 16 year old kids having sex on a Network show and they're topless. Tom had excuses for that but they don't mean anything to Howard. He got back to the discussion about the stuff that Tom says he can't do on the show. Robin said that the stuff Tom tells him he can't do end up being on TV somewhere else. One example was Johnny Knoxville who wanted to do the show years ago before he got the ''Jackass'' show and Tom put a stop to that.
Howard asked Artie what happened to the Yankees last night. Artie told Howard about what was going on with the pitching staff and how they just screwed up. Stuttering John got in on the discussion and argued with Artie about some of the stuff that went on during the game. Howard asked Artie if he'd rather be a player for the Yankees or own then. He said he'd rather play short stop than own the team. Stuttering John said that Artie told him yesterday that all he has are the Yankees. Howard said that Artie has a girlfriend and a house in Jersey so how can he only have the Yankees? Artie said that he just backs them and follows them through their whole season so that's what he means by only having them.
Howard spent some time talking about this new movie ''Radio'' with Cuba Gooding Jr. as a retarded guy. He said it's getting awful reviews. He wondered why retarded people always have to have bad teeth like Cuba does in the movie. He said even Gary the Retard has two new teeth. Howard also brought up Jenny McCarthy and how he got to feel her breasts during the show yesterday. He talked about how soft they were. He'd kind of forgotten her name though and had to be reminded about what it was. He was really impressed with how good she looked as well. Howard said that the movie Jenny is in, ''Scary Movie 3'', is getting mixed reviews. One paper gave it 3 stars and another one gave it one star. He said his daughter is going to see it tonight, opening night. Howard said he got a preview copy and thought it was pretty funny but he gets bored with all of the parody stuff in movies like that.
Howard said it's Benjy's birthday today but no one knows how old he is. Benjy said that it's really not his birthday today anyway. He said it's coming up soon but then he said it was already past. Stuttering John said the E! guys were telling him that it was his birthday today but he makes a bit out of it. John said that Benjy will go into a whole thing about how he's not really sure when his birthday is if you ask him. Howard said he didn't want to hear it though.
Howard said he wants out of the loop with Benjy because of stuff like that. He said that he doesn't get it and doesn't want to even discuss stuff like that on the air or off the air. He said he'd like to go out to dinner with Benjy but he does stuff like this and creeps him out. Stuttering John talked about how Benjy stayed at his house one time and had screaming night terrors that woke everyone in the house up. John said everything Benjy does is shtick. Gary told Howard that he gets the real Benjy at about noon. He'll be asking him why Howard doesn't like him on the air and what he should have done to make it better. He said he'll tell him he should have just answered the questions directly.
Stuttering John told Howard he has to hear why Benjy won't answer the birthday question. Howard didn't want to hear it but they talked him into it. Benjy started off telling them that they have to look up ''Detliv Bronk'' on the internet. Howard stopped him and wondered what the hell that was supposed to be. He said that this is the reason he doesn't put Benjy on the air. He's boring and they're making it seem interesting when it really isn't.
Benjy was starting to sweat so he took off his sweatshirt. That led to the guys talking about how he went out to lunch one time and ended up taking his shirt off at the diner. He walked out with the shirt off. Howard wondered what that was about. Once again it was all about doing his shtick. Cabbie called in a short time later and said this was the most boring radio he'd ever heard. He said that Benjy is a freak and it's just boring stuff. He told Benjy to just answer the questions already.
A minute later Gary was reading information about this Detliv Bronk guy that Benjy mentioned. The guy was born in 1863 and after reading some of the information about him, the guys thought Benjy was just doing a bit where he's implying that he's that guy. Benjy said he didn't want to talk about it though. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Sanders the Chicken picked the Carolina Panthers by pecking on the team closest to its food. Jason, one of the chicken's handlers, was in to talk about what it's like to care for a chicken. Howard moved on to Gary the Retard who wasn't on the phone because he's visiting relatives who don't want him on the phone early in the morning. KC made a call to him the other day to get his pick. He said he was going with the Seahawks so KC had asked him where they were from and goofed around with him a little bit. Here are the standings and this week's picks:
After that Howard said that they're having a contest for Halloween next week. It's the most tasteless costume contest. He invited everyone down to the station where they'll pick out the most tasteless costume. He said they'll be doing that down on the street though, not up in the studio. He said they're going to have a $5,000 prize for the winner. The money is coming from MyGaydar.com
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he wonders if Howard had anything to do with Mel Karmazin (the owner of CBS) coming in and saving The Bottom Line club yesterday. Howard said Mel didn't actually do that. He said that Meg Griffin, who called in yesterday, tried to convince Sirius Radio to bail out the club. They came up with some of the money to bail them out but they still needed more. Howard said he had a meeting with Mel recently and Mel told him that Meg actually beat him to the punch and was going to save the club. Then they found out that the club needed more money yesterday and that's when Mel came in on the whole thing. It turns out that Mel had given some money and then Bruce Sprinsteen threw in some money and they were able to save the club. Chaunce said he thought that Meg was looking for Howard to throw in some money as well. Chaunce also said he thought that the club had a good run and clubs don't last forever. He thought it was kind of a joke. Howard said there are a few people who feel that way. He read an e-mail about the subject where a guy complained about Meg being on the air and how the club isn't the only club around for bands to perform at. Chaunce said that the club doesn't get the acts it used to so there's not much chance of them surviving much longer. Howard said that the judge in the case has actually extended their case a month so they can get their money in line. The club really hasn't been saved at this point. Chaunce said that Mel could have paid the whole bill if he wanted to. Howard said that Mel probably has his priorities and that's why he only put in a couple hundred thousand dollars. Chaunce said he really doesn't care about this club.
Stuttering John came in and asked why a business like this can't make it. Howard said it was probably because of 9/11 and how a lot of businesses were hit really hard when that happened. Howard said he saw a lot of performers at the club and it means a lot to some people. He said yesterday that the club is one of those places that makes New York City a special place. Chaunce said that in a month or two the club will probably be history anyway. Robin said that Fred's wife's business was also hit by the 9/11 thing because it was right near ground zero. Chaunce kept saying that he really doesn't care about the club. Howard said there are a lot of people who don't care about the club there are also people who do. The guys said that if Springsteen did just one concert there they could raise the money to save the club. Howard had to bail out on Chaunce's call a short time later. He took a break after that.
Howard told Meg he would have banged her at any time. All she had to do was give him the word and he would have done her. Meg said she's not with anyone at this point. Howard said she probably needs it bad now. He said she's so busy with saving the Bottom Line. Meg went on to talk about what she heard earlier in the show from people who were complaining about her using Sirius Radio to help save the club. She said that Sirius stock has gone up since they did that and she doesn't think it's right that people go off on her about that stuff. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about that before she got off the line.
Howard continued to talk about how bad he wanted to get into Meg's pants when he worked with her. He said he doesn't get why she's so into playing the music she wants to play. He also talked about the guy she was dating way back when and how wacky he was. Howard said he'd try to act cool and a little wacky around her but it didn't work. He also talked about how bad he was on the radio back then and how bad his voice was. He said he jammed the entire board the first time he got on the air as a profession DJ. He talked about those experiences a little bit. Fred played a bit from ''Private Parts'' where he was doing an impression of himself when he was first starting out in radio. He said you get the idea when you hear that.
Howard said that he and his stripper rehearsed a little bit but she was very nervous for some reason. She claimed it was the coffee she just drank. Howard moved on to talk to Claudia as well. She's from Hungary so she had a bit of an accent. Howard said it was kind of cute to see the girls out of their element. Howard asked Claudia about Hungary and whether or not there was water in the toilets over there. She said there was which seemed to surprise Howard.
Howard said Kuya rum has put up the $15,000 prize money for the game. He was going to start the game but ended up talking to Claudia a little more. He said he had to take a break first though. He asked the girls if they bothered to study at all for this game. Neither of them really did much studying. Doug Goodstein from E! came in and said he was the one who found Claudia. He claims that he asked her 50 questions and she got 45 of them right. Howard said he asked Heather a bunch of questions and she only missed about 3. Doug told Howard he was going down today though. Howard spoke to Heather about how she hasn't told her family that she's a stripper. She tells them that she's a waitress at Scores. She figures they know that she's a stripper but they just play along with the game. Howard took his break after that.
After the break Howard got back to the game. He asked Claudia if she felt pressure to perform in this competition because she's up for ''America's Smartest Stripper.'' She told them that she's actually just in it for the money though. Howard read that she was attacked by a shark about a year ago when she was in Thailand. There wasn't much of a story there though so Howard quickly moved on to the game. They had Heather in Robin's booth so she couldn't hear what was going on. Here are the questions they asked Claudia:
Howard said he's trying to get Courtney Love on the air with him. She lost custody of her daughter because of her drug problems. She apparently said that she was trying to make her recent drug overdose fun for her daughter. Howard read an article about it and she apparently made tea and had her daughter write out a will for her in Crayon. Courtney apparently claims that she keeps her daughter from seeing her drug use and this was just one time that she was around. Howard spent a short time talking about that and then moved on to other stuff.
Howard said Carrot Top was in the news because he showed up at a popular New York City gay bar. Howard and Robin talked about Carrot Top's plucked eyebrows and the fact that his face looks like he's had some plastic surgery. Howard said he'd like to ask him about some of that stuff. Howard said it is kind of weird that Carrot Top goes to the Bunny Ranch and Bukkakes on women.
Howard brought up Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez and how bad they've ruined their careers lately. Howard read that Ben is being dumped from movies left and right. He said that Disney has dropped one of his projects. He read an article about that and said that he's also going to be dropped from some other movies. Howard said that the saying that ''any publicity is good publicity'' isn't always the case. Howard talked about how Ben and Jen are now thinking of eloping but no one cares. Howard said he finds it all kind of funny.
Josh said that he tried to do this same thing when he was in high school but they wouldn't allow him to do it. He said he was told that Howard's show was not a mass media show. Howard figured it was just because the kid was too young and they didn't want him exposed to the show. Gary said they've had high school kids in there before though.
Gary told Howard that he should talk to Anne Marie about some of the kids they've interviewed for internships before. Gary said one kid recently put his feet up on her desk as she was interviewing him. He said they also say some inappropriate things in the interviews. Gary said some interns don't even know how to answer the phone. They'll just say ''Yo'' or ''What's up'' instead of saying ''Stern Show'' or something like that. Howard welcomed Josh to the show anyway even though he'd missed the first hour and a half of the job. Josh told Howard that he's learned that there are some people that seem to dislike some of the people who work there. He said there are some people who are agitated by Ronnie the Limo Driver (aka ScoresMan923). Howard asked him to send him a copy of his paper when he's done writing it.
Some people wrote in and pointed out how Stuttering John looks kind of like the guy who went over Niagra Falls the other day. Howard said there was some mail about the kisses that some of the baseball players are doing during the World Series. It's full lip kissing and it's disturbing to some people. Gary is on Hollywood Squares this week and someone pointed out how he barely gets picked during the show. Gary said he doesn't care if he never gets picked though. He still gets paid.
An e-mailer thanked Robin for reading a story about a guy who had testicular cancer. The guy found a lump and was encouraged to go to the doctor after hearing the story. He thanked her for saving his life. Howard read some other mail and got one about the ''Inside the NFL'' show and how they're ripping Howard off. Howard then replayed the tape of Jimmy Kimmel playing the bit and pointing out how they ripped Howard off. Howard said it's too bad no one watches Jimmy's show because this could have been exposed.
Howard wondered what's going on with John Ritter's wife. Robin had been praising her for staying out of the news but now all of a sudden she's talking about replacing him and doing a bunch of interviews. Howard played some clips of her crying during an interview. He wondered why she's doing something like that if she's so upset. He just didn't get it. He continued to play the interview and talked about how wacky the whole thing has been with Suzanne Somers and now John's wife.
A listener called in and asked Howard why E! didn't rerun the show at 2am last night. Robin Radzinski, executive producer for the E! show, said that E! moved the shows to the 12am hour for those people who were coming off of the World Series game. Howard said he didn't know that. He went on to say that Mindy Herman from E! just had a baby recently. Radzinski said that she named the child Lucas after Luke Skywalker because she's a big Star Wars fan. Gary came in a minute later and said that CSI crushed the World Series last night in the ratings. He said that you'd think that viewers would stay tuned through the game but they start bailing out at 10:30 or so. The caller about the E! show was still on and wondered why E! didn't let them know about the change. The guy wanted a $500 prize for calling in but they didn't have it. Howard asked him if he wanted an Apple iPod instead but the guy said he didn't have a computer. The guy asked again if there was anything he could give him and Howard yelled ''Get off my phone you creep!'' and hung up on him. He went to break right after that.
Howard congratulated Artie because he's in another movie called ''Mail Order Bride'' that's coming out soon. Howard said Time Out New York bad mouthed him and called him a ''second rate fat guy.'' Howard said he doesn't feel that way about him though. Howard also mentioned that Norm MacDonald has a new show coming out and Artie wasn't tapped for that. Artie said he has deals in other places that won't allow him to do Norm's show. Howard said it looks like Norm had some work done on his face as well but Artie didn't seem to think he'd do anything like that.
Howard moved on to the game right after that. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard mentioned how Ronnie the Limo Driver is having his Scores party tomorrow and Fred isn't going. Fred is going to be covering his pool and has to bring his grill in. Stuttering John and Howard seem to find it kind of funny that he's not going though. Fred said there will be more Scores parties and he'll go to those. John said he doesn't think it's that exciting for Fred to go anymore. Fred said it's really not that big of a deal to him to go or not. Fred said John is the only one who wants to figure out a way to cheat on his wife legally. John asked Fred if he'd ever like to sleep with another woman some day. Fred said he doesn't spend his days trying to figure out how to do that like John does. Howard told Fred to just go to Scores and leave all of those chores for some other time. Fred got back to John and said he's always looking for a way to get his wife into a threesome. Howard said sex isn't that important to Fred. Fred told John that he has a problem if he's always looking for ways to get other women. The guys brought up how Fred had so much fun there at Scores one time that he almost died. He got so drunk he fell down the stairs and split open his chin, knocking himself out. Fred seems to think that John is going to ruin his marriage and will end up divorced.
Howard said he feels weird that Fred won't be there. He said that he will miss seeing him there even though he doesn't talk to him at all when they're there. Howard said it is kind of funny that Fred is going to change his pool cover and not go to Scores. Fred said the real reason he's not going is because people like John are going to be there. Stuttering John stood there laughing uncontrollably the whole time. Gary buzzed in and said that the whole reason they were talking about this stuff was because John brought it up during the commercials. Howard had to have Robin start her news because they were running late. Robin started her news but Howard was still cracking jokes about Fred. He said he had to leave because he had to go wheel his grill inside.