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Howard also pointed out that 50 year old Barbara has giant breasts and he said he's never made love to a woman with breasts that large. She claims that they're natural breasts, not implants.
Howard let Barbara go through a bunch of her theories about relationships and how men and women can make them last. Howard thinks that any marriage can last if the people in that marriage are committed to compromising on a lot of stuff. If they don't want to compromise then every marriage will eventually fail. He says he doesn't believe that there is any such thing as a ''soul mate'' either. Howard ripped through this interview in 20 minutes so he could get to the next interview. He quickly let Barbara give some of her ideas about marriage and then cut her off a little early.
Howard found out that Linn has thought about having lesbian sex but she hasn't done anything yet. You can see pictures of her with women on her web site but those are not ''real'' sex scenes. She said those are staged pictures so she hasn't had real lesbian sex yet. She did say she enjoys anal.
Howard spent a little while talking to Linn about her last sex encounter which happened about a week ago. He went through each detail of how she met to the guy right up to when they had sex.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he'd give Linn $1000 if she'd get naked in the studio. A few seconds later Gary came running in with a check from iWon.com for $1000. Howard asked her to get completely naked but she was on the rag so she said she'd only get topless. They eventually agreed to that and she took off her pink dress. Howard said when she took it off her breasts popped right out of her bra. She was wearing it in such a way that they weren't really in the bra, they just stuck right out of it. Howard checked her out and even got to feel her breasts because he didn't believe they were real. After feeling them he believed her.
Howard gave her a couple of plugs for her web site and the place she's appearing. Linn will be appearing at Twirll Night Club in Manhattan this Saturday night. You can get in at half price if you mention her name. For more info check out VIPGuestList.com. You can also check out Linn's personal web site at ThomasTime.com.
Howard started off complaining about being tired after his three day weekend. Howard asked Artie what he did over the weekend. He said he was out at dinner for his birthday on Saturday. They went to some place called Candella where the lighting is pretty much just candles. He was out celebrating his 36th birthday. He said he watched a lot of baseball and stuff over the weekend as well. Howard and Artie talked about the Don Zimmer fight that took place earlier in the weekend. Howard talked about how every time he walked out of the room another fight would break out. He said he wasn't paying enough attention to it and should have been watching closer. He said he thinks there should be a fight every inning to keep people's attention on the game. He went on to talk about how he thinks Don Zimmer should be in jail for what he did. Howard said that if someone was running at him like Zimmer did, he'd throw him to the ground as well. That led to Stuttering John and Artie arguing with Howard about that whole thing. Howard said that Zimmer was running at this guy and he knocked him down before he could take him out. Howard didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal anyway. Howard said Zimmer is so old that he probably threw out the first baseball ever. Gary said Zimmer was lucky that Pedro didn't just punch Zimmer in the face instead of throwing him to the ground. Howard played some tape of Zimmer talking to the press about what happened as he broke down crying.
Howard mentioned that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were at the game. He said he thought they were done with them but they're publicity hounds and just had to go to the game. He and the guys goofed on them a little bit. They're apparently trying to repair their relationship but no one cares anymore. Howard said he had to take a break but said that Vinnie Favale will be in with some tapes to play. Jillian Barberie will also be calling in but Howard said ''what good is that?'' He said he wants to see her when she's on the show, not hear her. He took a break a short time later.
Howard had tape of Rush's speech so he played some of that so they could analyze it. As soon as he started to play it, Howard started to pick Rush apart. Howard said Rush thinks that he's the most successful radio guy out there because he's on a lot of radio stations. Howard said that Rush is on hundreds of stations but doesn't bring in as much revenue as his show does being on 60 (?) stations. He said that's because he doesn't whore out his show like Rush does. Howard played a little more of the tape and complained that Rush was hitting the table as he was speaking. He said someone has to tell him to stop doing that because it's annoying. Rush went on to blame his back pain for his drug addiction so Howard picked him apart for that as well. He claimed that he wasn't going to blame anyone for his addiction but he did blame the back pain and neck pain he suffers from. Rush kept saying that he wasn't going to make excuses but he was blaming his neck pain, back pain and other stuff. Rush also says that he's not going to portray himself as a victim right after he talked about his back pain and all of that. Howard said that he's a liar and a hypocrite after hearing that. Rush goes on to ask for his audience's prayers and says that he's going to continue with his strive for ''broadcast excellence.'' Howard said that was the biggest lie right there.
Howard took some phone calls after listening to Rush. A woman called in and said that she's an addict and even after trying to stop using them, you're still an addict. She said what Rush had said was a bunch of crap. Dominic Barbara called in and said that Oxycontin is harder to drop than even heroin. He told Howard about some case he had where a woman wasn't able to get off of the stuff. He said that the treatment for that stuff is methadone just like it is for heroin. He said it's frightening how addictive the stuff is.
A listener called in and complained that Howard was spending so much time on this subject. He told Howard to get back to the Yankees and Red Sox discussion or something like that. Crazy Cabbie also called in quickly to give his views on the whole thing. Another guy called in and asked Howard if he's going to come out of the closet before the National Enquirer exposes him like they did to Rush. That led to Howard and Artie goofing around with that for a couple of minutes. Howard joked around making a speech as if he had an addiction for young boys instead of pain medication. He took a break a short time later.
Howard went on to talk about how obsessed he has become with David Bowie recently. He's been listening to a lot of his stuff lately. He said his girlfriend caught him playing air guitar to one of his songs. He said he was really embarrassed when she asked him what he was doing. Artie said his girlfriend once caught him with a bat pretending to be Derek Jeter. He thought that out-embarrassed Howard. Howard said he was nude in the bathroom playing air guitar. He said he was checking himself out in the mirror to see what he'd look like playing guitar nude. Howard played some of the songs he was playing along with over the weekend. He played some live Bowie songs and sang along a little bit. He played a live version of ''Moonage Daydream'' that he really liked. He wasn't even sure how old the live stuff was that he was listening to. He said that he gets distracted by music when he's getting dressed and stuff. He said it takes him extra time to get dressed because of that. Artie said he listens to music in the shower and it extends his shower time by 15 minutes because he's playing along. Howard said he finds himself strumming his penis when he plays air guitar while he's naked.
A listener called in and said that Howard and Robin had a bet on how much ''Kill Bill'' would make this weekend. He said that Robin owes Howard some money but Robin said they never put any money on the bet.
A listener called in and said that the movie stunk because they never told Perry that it was a joke. Chaunce Hayden also called in and said that he didn't believe that Perry wasn't in on the whole thing. He said that he thought the guy had to have been in on it or he's a great comedic actor. Another caller said it was the funniest thing he's ever seen. Howard said he wasn't kissing Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Sandler's ass like one of the callers said. He said if he was going to kiss their ass, he would have done it last week when they called in.
A listener called in and tried to get a plug in for his band's web site but he hit the delay button. Howard ended up going off on how lame web sites are these days and how anti-web site he is these days. He said he hates DJs who have web sites and that's why he doesn't have anything on his site. That led to them talking about movie web sites and how lame they are.
Howard said he loves the TV show ''Smallville'' but there's a problem... he's like the dumbest kid. He described a scene where he ends up giving these guys his blood when he could have taken out all of the guys no problem. He said Clark took the Kryptonite to weaken himself to give this guy his blood. He said it's the most frustrating TV show ever. He said he was yelling at the TV when he saw that scene. He doesn't use his super powers like he should. Howard said he should have been using his heat vision. Meanwhile, his hot girlfriend is laying next to him in bed wondering what all the commotion is about. Howard said he told her that when you date a geek, that's what you have to expect. She told him that he's dating the prom queen though so he should think about it.
Howard moved on to talk about the new Tarzan TV show and how bad that is. He said that the guy who plays Tarzan is so good looking that he makes the woman who plays Jane look ugly. He said that show is just as dopey as Smallville because in one scene he takes care of some thugs who are going to rape a chick. Then he's trying to get away from the cops and he can't do it for some reason. Howard complained about how lame that was for a short time.
Howard said he went to Nobu over the weekend with some of his buddies. He said that Cindy Crawford and her husband Randy Gerber joined his table for dinner. He said his buddy Ross was there and embarrassed him when he asked him if he'd bang Cindy. He said Ross asked him the question so loud that everyone at the table could hear it. He said his girlfriend saw that he and Ross were talking sex stuff and knew it. He said he didn't stay out with everyone all night. He said he heard that Ross had to be put into a cab and sent home but he was so wasted that they couldn't get his legs in the car. Howard and Artie talked about the banging Cindy question and goofed around with that a little bit. Gary came in and said that Ross had a stripper sitting on his lap at Scores one day and he said that she was dumber than a box of rocks. He then asked her if she wanted to dance for him again. She said she was too dumb and walked off. Howard continued to talk about that night for a short time. He said he didn't get a chance to really talk to Cindy that much while they were out because she was sitting too far away.
Howard said he took his family out to dinner over the weekend. He said his mother's 76th birthday is coming up soon so that's why he took them out. He said he called her up Sunday morning and asked her if she wanted to go out. He figured he'd be spontaneous but she didn't think it was enough advance warning. It was only 10 in the morning though. He found out that she'd broken a bulb in the bathroom and thought that she'd be too tired after cleaning that up. He said she later told him that she stopped cleaning up when he called and asked them to go out. He spent a short time on that before taking another break.
Howard said the other day they were playing Gary's love tape that he made for his girlfriend many years ago. That's when they found out that Vinnie made a love tape for his girlfriend years ago as well. He explained how he met this girl over the phone accidentally and spoke to each other for four months and eventually got together. Howard said in one clip from his tape Vinnie is scratching his balls while he's laying around in his underwear. Howard let him explain that a little bit before he started to play the tape. Gary and Stuttering John saw the tape so they were telling Howard about some of the wacky stuff Vinnie does on the tapes.
Howard played a clip where Vinnie was blowing kisses and telling this woman how much he loves her. Howard said he's shirtless and in his underwear as he's doing this. Howard played about 10 seconds of it and had to rewind it so they could hear it again. Howard said a penis is a dangerous thing because guys end up doing stuff like this. He continued to play the tape and Vinnie talks about scratching his balls and how he caught himself. He says he'll stop scratching and how that will benefit her because he'll have a free hand for her. Howard took a couple of calls and some guys goofed on Vinnie for making the tape. Howard played some more of it after that while all of the guys in the studio laughed their asses off. Howard started the tape over but ended up stopping it at the same point because he couldn't get over the comment about how Debbie would benefit from that free hand. He eventually got past that and you hear Vinnie showing her his apartment. The place was a mess according to Gary who saw the tape. Howard and Artie were goofing on him. He was really in love with her back then and claims that he's still in love with her just as much today.
Dominic Barbara called in and said he'd pay $25,000 for the rights to the tape. He said that was his first bid as well and it sounds like he'd be willing to pay even more. Howard got right back to the tapes after that. Vinnie gives Debbie a tour of the New York City Mass Transit system. The guys wondered if this was the first chick he ever banged. That would explain why he was so nuts over her but Vinnie said that she wasn't the first and he'd banged maybe 10 women before her. The guys didn't sound like they believed him though.
Vinnie said he can't believe this woman married him after all of this. He said she moved out from Beverly Hills to Bensonhurst. Vinnie goes on to give Debbie the weather report and stuff like that. He also speaks to her in Italian for a short time. Howard and Artie goofed on him about that of course. Robin wondered what his parents thought about all of this. Gary said he saw his mother at one point in the tapes and she looked very happy to have gotten rid of him. Vinnie throws a few more kisses and tells Debbie how much he loves her. Vinnie heard some music in the background and wondered if Gary had thrown that in. Gary told him he didn't need to do that because Vinnie had put it in himself.
A caller said he bets that Gary is breathing a sigh of relief after hearing this. Howard said this makes Gary look like a man after seeing both of their love tapes. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and goofed on Vinnie a little bit. Howard also mentioned that Mariann wrote a letter to the NY Daily News so they talked about that for a few seconds. Howard said he liked what she wrote about Rush fans tuning into his show to hear truth, justice and the American way.
Vinnie wasn't giving them all of the tapes he made for Debbie. He said he didn't masturbate or anything like that on the tapes but he couldn't give them everything. A listener called in and suggested that they put together a bit called Dueling Douche Bags where they play a clip from Gary's love tape and then a clip from Vinnie's.
Howard also had tape of Vinnie and Tom Gisamundo from his station talking about a song for their band. Howard said Vinnie and Tom write songs together but don't perform the stuff themselves. In the tape Howard had Vinnie and Tom go through a song with no music playing and they sound like they're insane. Vinnie said they now talk about doing songs over the phone. The tape Howard was playing was from like 20 years ago. Howard continued to play the tape and goofed on Vinnie about how lame that was.
Gary said Vinnie and Tom hired a band to perform their song and they had that on tape as well. Howard played that and it was horrible. Everyone laughed after hearing the song. Howard played another clip after that where Vinnie and Tom performed as background singers for another song they wrote. They had this professionally produced music track that was put out. They sang background and ruined the song. They only wrote the lyrics, not the music. Howard had yet another clip where Vinnie sang one of his songs that was really bad. Tom also sang to one of them and that was pretty bad as well. Vinnie said they've probably written like 50 songs since 1982 or so.
Howard said that was about it for Vinnie's basement tapes but he knows he's got to have even better stuff. He said he had to take a break but had to talk to Jillian Barberie.
Howard asked Jillian what kind of money her co-hosts are making working for the show. She said she really doesn't know but she'd assume that Steve makes more than she does. Howard wondered who the star is on that show. She said she makes good money on the show but it's not more than a million a year like Stuttering John thought. She said she can make over a million with all of the shows she does combined.
Howard said he thinks that he has to bang her. He said if Beth dumps him, he's going to bang Jillian and bang her hard. He read from her bio that she admitted she has a drinking problem on Good Day. He also found out that she's 37 years old which is getting up there pretty high. Howard also read that she banged Snoop Dogg and LA Laker Derek Fisher. She said she never had sex with them but did make out with Derek. She said she doesn't discriminate and has been with other black guys. She said she had her first black guy when she was about 34. Howard wondered why she didn't go further with Derek. She explained that he had to go somewhere the next day and they never got to it. She told Howard she thinks she might be too wild for him and that's why she didn't do anything. Howard tried to get as many details out of her about the date as possible. She said they were in public at the time and he didn't touch her boobs or anything. Howard figures she's probably good in bed. Jillian said she is a ''pleaser'' in bed.
Jillian said that she's thinking about doing Playboy so Howard told her to go ahead and do it since her body is still so good. Howard asked her how long it's been since she last had sex. He wondered if it had been years. She said it wasn't that long and the guy she was with was ''no one'' famous. She said she has a porn collection she can use when she wants to get off. She said she was out shopping for furniture at a store and met this record producer guy that she dated for a couple of months. That was the guy she last had sex with. She said she thinks she waited until maybe the fourth date before she banged the guy. Howard told her that if he was going to bang her, he'd just do it when she was in town. He said if Beth dumps him, he'll do her.
Howard gave Jillian a plug for Good Day Live a couple of times and then took some phone calls for her. One guy asked her why she'd stoop so low as to date a ''nig***.'' He said that if she was ugly or fat he'd understand it. Howard took a call from another guy who said Jillian is known as the locker room lolita but she said she really doesn't sleep with that many guys. She said she has had a few women in her past though.
Jillian got a plug in for ''Good Morning Miami'' which airs tonight at 9:30pm. She said she appears in 3 episodes this season. Artie said the show is unwatchable though. Howard said he tunes out as soon as he hears the name of the show. Jillian told them that they have Tiffany Thiessen on the show this season so it's worth tuning in. She also does ''Extreme Dating'' and NFL reports as well.
A couple more callers asked Jillian about dating black men. Howard said that it's not that big of a deal for chick to bang a black guy. He said he's dated a woman who was banged by a black guy and she told him that he was better than that guy. He wasn't giving out names though. He spent a few more minutes talking to Jillian before going to commercial. She said she's appearing in FHM magazine in the near future.
Howard said he thinks that Jillian is really hot and he's liking all of the talking she's doing. He said that Ralph tells him he's nuts to like chicks like this because they're such a mess. He said he loves them though. He asked Jillian if she shaves it all down below. She said she leaves a tiny bit down there because some guys say they feel like they're pedophiles when she shaves completely.
Howard asked Jillian when she had her first lesbian experience. She said it was when she was 25 working at a TV station down in Miami. She said it was one of the anchor women she worked with. She said they went to dinner together and when the woman came out of the bathroom at one point she kissed her. Howard said girl on girl porn is great because it opens women up to stuff like this. Jillian said this woman ended up unzipping her top and started to feel her breasts at the restaurant. They drove back to the other woman's place and messed around some more. She said they started on the couch, went to the bathroom and ended up in the bedroom. She said they both performed oral on each other on the couch. She said she had two orgasms that night. She said it went on for about 7 hours total. She said they stay in touch to this day even after the other woman got married. Howard gave Jillian a couple more plugs and then wrapped up the interview.
Howard gave the quick rundown of this week's BetOnSports.com football pool results real quick during the news. He said that Sanders the Chicken had a big win as did Daniel Carver and Artie. Gary the Retard lost again. Here's the results as they stand so far this season:
Howard joked that he had run out of things to say already and it was only Wednesday. He asked everyone in the studio how they were doing. Everyone except Benjy anyway. He then went on to talk about Alec Baldwin who was supposed to stop in today. Howard said that Evil Dave Letterman, Divin Ray and a guy who was thrown out of church for wearing an offensive shirt will be on also.
Robin brought up how Roy of Siegfried and Roy is in really bad shape after the tiger attack. They talked about the operations they've been doing on him lately and how serious it really is. Howard said it's getting to the point where it's too sad to even read about it.
Robin brought up a story about a guy who taught his dog to do a Nazi salute over in Germany. Howard joked that he was going to have a new segment called Racist Pet Tricks where they'd have that dog on and a dog that would burn crosses. He and Robin talked about that strange story for a minute before Howard took the first break of the morning.
Howard said that they have some people on the show who have some wacky ideas for the show. He said they have discussions via Lotus Notes and Benjy came up with the idea to do a report on Rush Limbaugh from inside the rehab center he's in. Robin said it's kind of expensive to get into one of those places. Artie said he might be able to get in since he's been in rehab in the past. Howard dropped that and moved on to a phone call.
A guy called in and told Howard about his grandmother finding him masturbating and then having a heart attack and dying. Howard didn't seem to care though. The guy said ''F-You'' to him so Howard hung up on him. A woman called in a short time later but she sounded kind of like a man so Howard goofed on her a little bit about that. The woman was very nasal when she spoke so Howard goofed on her a little bit and she ended up using the F-word just like the guy before her. Artie got in on the goofing as well and started making fun of her. Howard had to hang up on her as well after she cursed and then complained that they were being abusive to her.
A woman called in and brought up Rush Limbaugh again and got Howard talking about that whole thing. She wouldn't shut up though so Howard had to hang up on her. He continued to talk about Rush for a little while after that. He played an audio clip of Rush talking about his problem and placing blame on everything from his doctors to his back pain. Howard cut it off saying that he didn't want to hear all of the guy's lies. He and the guys made fun of Rush's delivery and how lame he sounds. Artie does a great impression of Rush so Howard had him doing that a bit.
A caller asked Howard if he saw Jessica Simpson on Larry King's show last night. Howard said he didn't see it and talked about how there's an article in US Magazine about how she has a Baptist Minister father who refuses to let her do his show. He had her husband Nick Lachey on the show the other day and he didn't ask him why she wasn't there. Howard said he finds it funny that a 20-something year old woman still lets her father dictate to her what shows she can and can't appear on.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw an old movie called ''Grand Theft Auto'' that Ron Howard was in. He said there was a DJ in the movie by the name of Don Steele. The guy said he looked just like Howard did 20 years ago and thought maybe he ripped off his whole act. Howard jokingly said that he stole the whole act. He goofed around with that and then told the guy he didn't steal his act from anyone because he knew what he wanted to do when he was 5 years old.
Howard whipped through a bunch of other e-mail and then talked about all of the hot chicks they're having on this Friday. He said they have the World's Smartest Stripper contest part 2 coming up as well as Pamela Anderson and Gina Gershon. That led to Howard talking about Gina Gershon and how she has a little band put together to promote her new movie. She invited him out to see them perform but Howard wasn't able to go because it's so late at night.
KC came in and said that he has a ringer coming in on Friday to play the World's Smartest Stripper game. He said he's been going over stuff every night with her. He eventually told Howard that it's actually Miss Howard Stern, Andrea. Benjy's stripper will also have his stripper playing in the contest. Gary told Howard about his stripper and how great a lap dance he got from her.
Howard read some e-mail about the Comedy Central movie ''Windy City Heat.'' A lot of people liked it but there was at least one guy who didn't like it. Howard read a few of those and then took a phone call.
A caller told Howard about the Yankees Don Zimmer's metal plate and how Pedro Martinez shouldn't have grabbed him by the neck like he did. Howard and the guy argued about the situation for a minute until Howard hung up on him. Howard said he feels that Martinez didn't do anything wrong when he saw some big fat guy running at him ready to attack him.
Howard asked the guy what happened when he walked in church that day. He said the minister came up to him and ''made him out to be the Devil's advocate...'' Howard said it's obvious that this guy needs attention and seems to be looking for someone to be a father figure. He said the guy probably knew exactly what he was doing and knew that he was going to get a lot of attention over the whole thing.
Howard said he knows the guy is just trying to get some attention for his t-shirt business and he knows he can't just walk into a church wearing an ''I Love Pussy'' t-shirt. He told the guy he should drop the lawsuit because it's silly. He said that he'd let the guy get in a plug for his t-shirt business but he even had trouble with that. The guy said it was Nastees.gobot.com but Howard wasn't even able to follow that. He and the guys goofed on him about that for a minute before getting off the phone and taking a break.
Howard said he was fully aroused from Divini's pictures so he wanted Gary to bring her in. He said if she needed some action, he was ready. She was wearing a kerchief on her head and Howard said he liked it. Howard talked to her about the Playboy centerfold thing and asked her if she was upset that Daryl Hannah was on the cover instead of her. She said she didn't really mind that she wasn't on the cover. She said Darryl looked beautiful on the cover and she might be able to get a cover in the future.
Divini said that the blond hair that Howard saw down below was her natural color. She said they may have air brushed a little bit down there but that is her hair color. Howard told her he likes when women wear hiking boots with thick socks like she's wearing in some of her pictures. He wondered how they know that guys like that. Divini said that the photographer probably had some say in that.
Howard talked to Divini about growing up in Alaska in a village of only 350 people. She said she only had one other person in her grade in school. She said the other kids didn't find her hot back then because she's white and they're Native American.
Divini said that living up in Alaska gave her a lot of time to read books and stuff like that. Her parents wouldn't let her listen to rock music though. She said her parents were hippies until she was born. That's when they found god and became born again. She said she had to read the bible a lot and stuff like that. She told Howard that she didn't have sex with anyone until she got out of Alaska.
Howard asked her if she's had any lesbian experiences. She said she hasn't and she hasn't even had Hef hit on her. She talked about her breast implants a bit and how she was discovered on a beach in Australia. Howard told her that if she wanted to be topless in the studio he didn't have a problem with that. She didn't sound too interested in that though.
Evil Dave threw in a lame joke at one point so Howard had to tell him to stick to the script. Divini then asked Howard if he's dating anyone. She said she heard that he was dating a Playboy model and that it was Nikki Ziering. Howard told her that he isn't dating Nikki but he would like to date her.
Divini told Howard about masturbating one time where she had 12 orgasms. She said it only took about an hour to do that. Robin said she's never been able to do it that many times herself. Howard said Divini must get hit on a lot because she's so hot. She said she does get hit on quite a bit. Howard asked her if any famous guys hit on her. She said there are some but she doesn't care and doesn't even remember names of guys who hit on her. She said she has a rule against dating famous guys. She said they're very egotistical and she doesn't like that. Howard said he's not like that though.
Howard had some jingles set up that asked questions like ''Do you like anal sex?'' He played that one and found out she's not into that. He also played one where they sing ''Have you ever had sex with a black guy?'' She said she hasn't and she's only been with a few guys in her life. She said she's very selective as well. Howard played another jingle that said something about telling them who molested her as a child. She said nothing like that has happened to her. They also played ''Tell us, are they real or are they fake.'' They already knew the answer to that one though. Howard played a ''Do you, shave down there or not?'' jingle. He spoke to her about her bush in Playboy for a short time. Then there was another one jingle about messing around with chicks. She hasn't done that and they already went over that.
Divini said she hasn't had sex in about 4 months since getting back from Australia. Howard gave Divini a couple of plugs for Playboy and for her web site DiviniRae.com. He then took some phone calls for her. One guy asked how her feet looked. She was wearing boots so Howard couldn't see them. One caller told Robin not to C-block Howard when he goes to commercial break like she did when Uma Thurman was in last week. Another caller asked Howard what was wrong with this girl because she sounded too good to be true. Howard joked that she had a penis and that was the only problem with her. He didn't have anything else to complain about. He spent a little longer talking to her before wrapping up the interview and taking a break.
Howard played a Crank Yankers prank call he had from the Comedy Central show. He played the call which was a computer voice having phone sex on a sex line. Howard said he loves that one.
Howard asked the guys what they thought of Divini. Artie said he'd give her a 9 and Fred went with a 8.5. Howard said he'd give her an 8 or 9. Robin wondered why he doesn't give her a 10. He said the 10 is reserved for his girlfriend.
Howard said Gary was out the other night and saw Alec Baldwin out with some really hot Asian chick. They brought Alec in a short time later. Howard said ''Finally, a real Baldwin!'' when he came in. He goofed on Stephen and some of the other brothers a little bit. He asked Alec if it sucks that his brothers all got into show business after he did. Alec said that it's better that they're working than asking him for money all the time.
Howard asked Alec what he thought of the Playmate that was in earlier. Alec didn't give a direct answer. He said he saw the woman as she was walking out when he was coming in but didn't say what he thought of her. Howard asked him if he's ever slept with a Playmate. He said he was going to plead the fifth. Howard figured that meant he had. Alec also talked about being invited to all of the Perfect 10 events. He said they announce it like they want guys to come play chess with the girls when Hugh Heffner is more honest and just tells it like it really is.
Howard asked Alec about Kim Basinger and how they met. Howard and Alec talked about Kim and Howard said he'd still bang her if he had the chance. Alec told him that he has that chance now since they're no longer together.
Howard asked Alec about the woman he's seeing now who is half Chinese. Artie saw her at a Bruce Springsteen concert and said she was really hot. He said she seemed pretty intelligent from 50 feet away. Alec said he was told by Bruce Willis that you're actually happy when your ex moves on and meets someone else. Alec said that's true but he doesn't seem to know if Kim has moved on and found anyone else yet.
Howard and Alec talked about Rush Limbaugh a little bit. Howard asked Alec if he was surprised to hear about that whole thing. Alec said he does find it all kind of bizarre.
Howard asked Alec about this hot Asian chick he's seeing. Alec talked about the 25 year old for a short time but changed subjects and asked Howard about his girlfriend. Howard talked about Beth a little bit and told Alec how great she is. Howard also talked about his 3 kids and ex-wife. Alec said he will never get married again, just like Howard says. Howard checked out a picture of Alec's girlfriend and said she really is beautiful. He then asked him about his divorce and how that went. Howard told Alec that his divorce legal bills were only $11,000 because they were honest with each other and settled reasonably. Alec and Howard said they never dreamed they'd get divorced. Alec said it was a big surprise to him after all of that time. He said he hated L.A. and that's what the problem was. He said he hates going there but that's where his daughter is so he commutes there quite often. He said that everything made by God out in southern California is beautiful but everything made by man is horrible. He said that New York is his home.
Howard once saw Kim Basinger on an airplane and said that her ass was talking to him. He said he should have banged her when he had the chance. Alec asked Howard about his ex-wife and her new husband. Howard claims that he doesn't know what that guy does for a living but he's down to earth and he's nice to his kids so that's what matters. He then asked Alec how long it was before he started to bang other chicks. He said it was about a year. Robin asked Howard how long he waited. Howard said it wasn't very long because he'd been married for 25 years and he needed to get someone new.
Howard said that Alec was in to promote this Carol M Baldwin Dinner Dance. You can find out all of the details at AlecBaldwin.com
Howard took a call from Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) who asked if Alec left Kim because of her phobias. Alec wasn't going to say anything negative about her though so he ended up dropping the subject. Chaunce also asked Alec what it was like to bang Jennifer Love Hewitt. Alec said he didn't because she had a boyfriend and her mother was there all the time. Chaunce and Howard tried to get Alec to talk about other chicks he's banged but he wasn't talking. Alec got tired of Chaunce's questions so he said ''Blow me Chaunce'' and told him to go write his article now.
Howard asked Alec about some of the women he had on Alec's conquest list. He read that he'd slept with Ally Sheedy, Janine Turner and Michelle Pfeiffer. Alec said that he was engaged to Janine but the other two he wouldn't admit to.
Howard took some phone calls for Alec and let some people go off on Alec. A bunch of guys goofed on him and then a woman called in and asked Alec what he really thinks of Rosie O'Donnell. He's friendly with her so he wasn't saying anything bad about her. He thought that Howard didn't like her because she was a lesbian but Howard said that's not why he dislikes her. Howard said she's a big loud mouth and a pain in the ass, that's why he doesn't like her.
A woman called in and asked Alec if he ever dates anyone that's not an actress. She said she's not an actress and would like to go out with him. Howard asked her what she looks like. She said she's 40 and she's a blonde haired, blue eyed Italian woman. Howard told her she's too old for him and asked her ''When you go to a restaurant, do you ask for old food or freshly cooked food?'' Alec wants the new food.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Alec why he didn't get Kim help when she was having Agoraphobia problems. She went off on him for a minute but Alec basically just told her to get lost.
Captain Janks called in and asked Alec if he's ever had a Rusty Trombone or a Cleveland Steamer before. Alec didn't answer, he just let Janks ask his questions. Howard got him off the line and then took some more calls. One guy was accusing Alec's mother of using her charity money to stay in 5 star hotels. Alec said that's not true and sometimes hotels like that will donate rooms to the charity.
Howard asked Alec if he smokes pot or drinks these days. Alec said he doesn't do either anymore because he doesn't like to be out of control. Alec told Howard to assume that he's done all of that in the past. He said he hasn't had a drink of alcohol for years. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Alec about his kids and stuff before he wrapped up the segment.
KC said that Scott the Engineer handed him a tape the other day and he smokes so much that even the tapes smell. Howard said he's gotten gifts from Scott and they all smell like smoke as well. Howard then said that Ronnie the Limo Driver told him that he's seen Scott doing something odd lately. He looks at his watch every 30 seconds. Ronnie called him out on it and Scott said it's just a habit he can't break.
Robin came in and said that she caught a whiff of Gary's breath recently and it does stink. Gary went over to John and blew a little breath his way so he could see how bad it was. They goofed on him about that for a short time but Gary got them back on KC's spelling as soon as possible. He said that he got a note from KC the other day and he spelled Lingerie ''LINGARY.'' KC said he spells stuff out so he understands it.
Howard asked Evil Dave about this shirt he has that says ''I Love Brad Garrett.'' Artie said he saw him wearing it the other day and wondered what that was about. That led to them talking about how Artie once asked Evil Dave to do an answering machine message for him. He said Dave offered to do it for him so he let him do that. Then ''Dave'' told him that he usually gets $50 to do that. Artie didn't know that so he offered to pay. Dave told him he wouldn't charge him but Artie ended up giving him the 50. Artie said that he was coming up in the elevator this morning and Dave asked him if he wanted him to do another voice mail message for his girlfriend.
Howard played an audio clip of an interview Clay Aiken did where he talks about how he's not gay even though he does have some effeminate qualities. Howard talked about Clay for a little while and said that he feels sorry for him because his father left his family when he was young. Evil Dave came up with a new idea where they could have the Siegfried and Roy tiger ''eat a new fag'' each week. He said he could eat Mark Harris, Andy Dick and Clay Aiken... Then he laughed as he said ''Oh yeah, Clay likes women!'' Evil Dave had a few other lame lines that he tried to get out before Robin started her news.
Howard said they're going to be having a lingerie show today. Artie said it was worth getting up this morning for that. Howard said that this is the time of year to watch baseball. He said he watched the Yankee game yesterday and now he's into it. He said before now all of the games were stupid. Robin also watched some of the games yesterday but missed the Cubs pitcher hitting a home run but then blowing the game. Howard and the guys talked about the fan who interfered with a foul ball the other day. Howard said that the fans should get over that already. The guys also talked about how no one really wants to see a World Series with Florida in it. Artie said their story is kind of cool though even though no one really seems to care about them. Howard talked about how into the game he was when he was watching the Yankees yesterday. He said he was rooting for them so hard that he felt like he had something to do with their win when they won. Howard talked about how fans in baseball can get involved in the game so much like when a ball his hit into the stands. He said you can't do anything like that when you go to a Broadway play or something. Artie told him that they're thinking of putting up netting around the stadium for safety because so many balls are hit into the stands.
Artie told Howard about going to a stand-up gig last night for the 1978 Yankees 25th anniversary. He said he had to clean up his act for the event but he killed anyway. He told Howard some of the obscure references he used during the event. He said he only did about 8 minutes though. Reggie Jackson and Goose Gossage were just a couple of the guys who were there. He said he was really nervous before the act so he didn't drink anything. He waited until he did well, then he started drinking. That led to Howard talking about a book he read about Bill Hicks and how he would get so loaded that he'd just lay down on the stage and start yelling at the audience. He eventually went to some AA meetings and cleaned himself up. Artie said the book was written by this woman Cynthia True. They discussed that for a minute and then Artie got back to his story. He said he ended up bidding on an autographed baseball signed by the 1950 Yankees. He said the bidding went all the way up to $2200. Artie got it so he told Howard that he's going to keep it in this little room he has dedicated to the Yanks. Howard and Robin said they have to send a camera crew over there to see what kind of stuff he's got in that room. The money went to a charity for retarded kids so it was money well spent. Howard had to take a break after talking about that for a short time.
Howard said Captain Janks was up to his usual stuff yesterday after a Staten Island Ferry crashed into a pier and killed a bunch of people. Howard said that it was a weird story. He talked about how the call the guy who drove the ferry a ''pilot'' for some reason. He said they usually call guys who drive boats Captain. Artie said that's what they call him on the ferry he takes every morning. He explained how the guy apparently blacked out for a short time and ended up slamming into the pier. It decapitated some people and ripped off limbs of others. Howard said there were like 1500 people on the ferry at the time. The captain freaked out, jumped in the water, ran home and tried to kill himself with a pellet gun. He ended up shooting himself in the foot after slitting his wrists. Howard said anyone involved in an accident like that should try to kill themselves. Howard went on to say that some people don't like Captain Janks because he calls in during these types of accidents. He said he doesn't think it's all that horrible though. He gave an example of a guy who called Gary in the back office yesterday and claimed to be the guy who interfered with the Cubs game the other day. The guy didn't give him all of the info so Gary said he wasn't going to put him on the air. Howard said these news organizations just put Janks on the air without asking him enough info and that's why it's so great that he gets through.
Howard played Janks' call where he calls in as an expert. He tells the news anchors a few details and then tells them that the ferry was blown off course from a blast of wind from Howard Stern's ass. Then they know that he's not for real and hang up on him.
Howard played a second call where Janks asks some sports guys if they like Howard Stern's balls and then a few seconds later calls back as a woman and asks them if they suck dick. Then he calls back a third time and says ''F*** you!'' The show didn't have a delay so he got his stuff through all three times. Howard said you have to feel dumb if Janks can get through 3 times in a row.
Howard took a call from a guy who explained why they call these ferry guys ''pilots.'' He explained it to him but Howard said the guy spoke too slow for him so he hung up on him. That led to Howard and Artie goofing on Rush Limbaugh because he talks so slow and deliberately.
Howard got back to the ferry pilot who tried to kill himself yesterday. They read that he was in serious condition after slitting his wrists and shooting himself with a pellet gun.
Howard read some e-mail he got about his interview with Uma Thurman. One person wrote that Uma is a butter face but she seems to fit with Howard for some reason. Howard said maybe that's because he's a butter face as well. One person wrote in about Robin's movie reviews and how they like them. Another one wrote in and complained about Robin's impressions and how bad they are. A bunch of people complained about Alec Baldwin's appearance on the show yesterday.
Howard ended up talking about his man boobs a little bit. Some people pointed out that they could see them on the E! show when Uma Thurman was on. Some people also wrote in about Gary's bad breath. One person explained it being from the diet he's on and how it's because he's in a fat burning phase of the diet and that's where the stink comes from. Gary tried communicating with Howard from his office but the microphone he has set up wasn't working very well. Howard said a bunch of people came in and complained about Gary's breath after KC and Stuttering John brought it up yesterday.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed that he was on the Ferry that crashed yesterday. He joked about how the pilot had a funny look on his face and that's when he saw KC on his knees in front of him. Howard quickly got back to Gary's breath. John said that Gary has been on like 20 diets since he started there. Gary said John has also been on a bunch of diets as well.
Artie was talking about how funny it is when Stuttering John tries to change gears when someone walks in the room that he's talking about. He just goes off on to another subject and it's not very smooth. They goofed on him about that for a short time. Howard said he doesn't understand what John is saying half the time anyway so he has to have Gary interpret for him.
Gary and John are going on a trip to the Bahamas for a Bally Total Fitness award ceremony. Gary said he knows that John is going to be watching every move of his. He's going to come back and report on it all when they come home. Gary told John that he doesn't like him because of this stuff.
Artie and Gary ended up talking about how John hardly ever pays for lunch when they go out. Artie said that he ends up paying for lunch for both of them quite often and John hardly ever offers to pay. John said that he does pay when he takes Jason and Will out. Scott DePace came in and said he's gone out with John and Artie about 15 times and John has paid maybe one time. He said he was probably making up the one time as well. John said he's going to bring his credit card bill in and prove that he's paid like twice a week for the past month or so. Gary said that means he should have about 8 charges from the diner on his bill from last month. Artie also told the guys that someone paid their bill one day and John didn't even tip the waitress. Gary said he's seen John take money for meals from Melrose Larry Green who he doesn't even like. John wanted to bring in Jason and Will as witnesses to his paying bills but Howard decided to take a break instead.
Howard said some people wrote in about Artie's Rush Limbaugh impression and loved it. There are also some people who think Artie is wrong about there being a ton of Yankees fans around the country. Howard read a bunch of the e-mails and let Artie know what the people are thinking.
Howard said they have these girls coming in to do some lingerie modeling. He said he has a bad feeling about it though. Linda from Linda Lingerie, which is located in Staten Island, came in to talk to Howard. Howard said she wasn't wearing lingerie but Robin said she was. Howard spoke to her about how she got into the business and all. She said she used to work at Macy's years ago and decided to open her own shop. Howard asked Linda why she was so tan. She said she sits out in the parking lot of her shop and tans. She said she thinks it makes her look thinner. She also joked that it helps melt away the fat.
Howard had the guys bring in the models. First up was Diane who was all decked out according to Howard. He asked her a couple of questions and found out she's not a stripper or anything. She said she's a model mom. Howard said it was almost like a super hero outfit because it had ''Linda Lingerie'' across the chest. Howard said Diane looked pretty good.
Next up was Adrianne. Howard said she wasn't bad either. He said he could see her whole ass in this outfit. Howard said the outfits were a little over the top but they weren't too bad. He had the guys bring in the next woman, Cindy, in her outfit. She was wearing some hot pants and had large breasts like the first woman did. Howard had them bring in Tina right after that. When she came in Howard said ''Whoa!'' and asked her how big she made her breasts. She said they're just DD's and doesn't think they're all that big. Howard said they might be the biggest rack he's ever seen in his life. He said she's a pretty large size woman though. Howard said they're all nice girls and thanked them for coming in. He gave Linda a plug for her business and web site LindaLingerieUSA.com.
Howard said that Benjy sent him a weird e-mail about how 20 percent of human adults have a cockroach living in an ear canal. Howard told him that it can't be a real thing. He said that would be a major story if it was true. Benjy said it came out of Stuff magazine and it was in their ''useless facts'' section. Howard said it just sounds completely wrong. A listener called in a short time later and said he knew of a girl who had one living in her ear and it ended up getting infected. The guy said the girl didn't tell him the story, he heard it from someone who knew her. The guys figured it out and said that 20 percent of the population would be like 56 million people. There's no way that many people have cockroaches living in their ears. Another caller said that people living in poor areas do have this problem. KC came in and said he read that on average, a human will eat about 10 spiders in their life because they crawl into your mouth while you sleep. Howard said he can believe that because he's found spiders in his bed.
Howard read a story about a kid who had his fingers chewed off by a puppy. The 6 year old kid was paralyzed from an accident the year before so he couldn't feel the dog chewing on his hand as he slept. Howard read another story about a guy who raped his daughter but was release on bail that was raised by people from his church. Howard went through that whole story and talked about how crazy it was. Howard said that guy is out on bail while Tommy Chong is in jail for selling bongs.
A listener called in and told Howard about a woman he knew who had a cockroach living in her ear. She only found out after having really bad headaches. She went to the hospital and had the inch long cockroach removed. Howard couldn't believe that something that big could live in someone's ear.
Howard brought in rapper Ludacris a short time after the cockroach stories. He said he was wearing some major bling bling. Howard asked him how he was doing and he said he was just letting his nuts hang this morning. Howard was listening to some of Ludacris' stuff and there were some lyrics about licking and stuff as it faded out. Howard said he heard that Ludacris banged one of their intern's friends and he refused to give oral to her. Howard said that's not surprising because he wouldn't want to do oral on a one night stand either. The intern came in a few seconds later and said that this all happened last year. The intern said she's from Atlanta and her friend knew him pretty well. The intern said her friend said Ludacris had a big penis as well. Ludacris said he was going to let them go with the story because he knows it's not true. He said he never invites anyone to award shows. Ludacris just let the intern go on and on but denied it all. He said he didn't know the name that she gave either.
Howard asked Ludacris about banging white chicks. He said he did do one years ago but he doesn't remember it all that well. He told Howard that his album is number one in the country right now. That album, Chicken N Beer, is available now. He said they sold like 430,000 copies last week.
Howard asked Ludacris about how he was discovered when he was a DJ at a radio station. He was trying to get one of his demo CDs played while he was working there in Atlanta. They spent a short time talking about that before changing subjects again. Howard asked him about the nice jacket he was wearing and if he grew up poor. He said for the most part he did grow up pretty poor. He said he buys a lot of stuff for his family. Howard said the jacket must be like $5,000. Howard also noticed the jewelry he was wearing. He said he had a human skull made out of diamonds that was worth about $100,000. He also said that the earrings he was wearing are worth about $60,000 each. Howard wondered if they're insured. Ludacris said that all of it is insured and certified so he can get his money back in the future.
Howard asked Ludacris if he's in any feuds at this time. He said he's kind of in a feud with Bill O'Reilly over a boycott O'Reilly had to get Ludacris out of the Pepsi ads he was in. Pepsi apparently felt the pressure and backed out of the ads because O'Reilly wanted to have a boycott against the product. Ludacris said he feels like Bill is a racist and a hypocrite. He said he actually has two songs about him on his new CD. One of the songs is ''Blow it Out Your Ass.''
Howard took a call from a guy who asked ''What's up my nigga?'' Howard told the guy he can't do that because he's white. Howard asked if white guys like Eminem can do that. Ludacris didn't seem to know that they could even say that on the air. The caller ended up asking him why rapper's careers don't last very long. Ludacris said that you have to keep your face out there for the fans to see.
Howard asked Ludacris if he's ever been to jail. He said he has been there and had a story to tell Howard. Howard asked him if he's allowed to carry a gun. Down in Georgia he claims that it's legal to carry so that's what he does. He said he has a Glock and a Desert Eagle that he carries. He then got into this story he wanted to tell. He said he was in North Carolina at a strip club this one time. This woman brought them in and it turns out that she had her daughters dancing at her own club. Then the mother tried to get on his tour bus and dance for them. He said the strip club was a family business which he seemed to find kind of odd.
Howard asked Ludacris if he's ever shoplifted. He said he did that back in the day. Howard said he once stole a tie tack from a store when he was a kid. He said he wasn't even wearing a tie back then so he doesn't know why he stole it.
A listener called in and told Howard to play his ''My Niggas'' cover. Howard said he'd be honored to have Ludacris listen to that song. Fred had to look for it though so it took a while to find it. Meanwhile, a listener called in and told Howard some more facts about the Bill O'Reilly story that they were talking about earlier. A few others had some stories about Ludacris.
Howard played the ''My (Radio) Niggas'' song parody that he did with Fred and Jackie a couple of years ago. Ludacris told him it was ingenious and he should come out with his own album. Howard wrapped up the interview shortly after that. He wished him luck with his new album and asked him if OJ is innocent or guilty. Ludacris said that OJ is innocent and he knows it. He also asked about Kobe Bryant. He said he's innocent as well. Howard took a break shortly after that. You can find out more about Ludacris at Ludacris.net
Howard said that Patrice O'Neal was coming in to hang out during the news. He had some other tapes to play first. He had a bunch of Rev. Bob Levy roasts that he hadn't gotten to yet. He was looking for a Gary Garver interview but couldn't find the tape. They eventually found it and played the interview Garver did with Mike Farrell. Since they've played it before, here's what I wrote the last time:
Howard had tape of Gary Garver interviewing actor Mike Farrell. Garver asked him what he thinks of Arnold winning the election. Farrell didn't think it was all that great and said that the recall was inappropriate. Garver asked him a few other questions and when he asked him if he'd ever slept with a black chick, he knew where he was from. Farrell said ''Are you from that asshole's show?'' Garver said ''Howard Stern?'' Farrell went off on him for ambushing him like that and not telling him it was for Howard's show. He said he wouldn't have done the interview if he knew it was for Howard. Garver tried to defend himself saying that he couldn't say exactly where he was from because he wouldn't have done the interview. He thanked Farrell for talking to him as he was walking away.
After that Howard said he thought he remembers Mike coming on the show years ago when he was on WNBC. Howard said Garver also interviewed Rob Reiner. Gary asked Reiner what he'd do if he wasn't in show business. He said ''Uhhhh, no.'' Garver also asked him what he thinks about the charges against Kobe Bryant but Rob said he's not qualified to answer those. He also asked him about Arnold Schwarzenegger but Rob found out who he was with and decided not to continue the interview. Garver then got Reverend Jesse Jackson and asked him how old he was. After telling him how old he was he started to get blown off. Garver asked him about Arnold Schwarzenegger and he said that election shouldn't have ever happened. He rambled on and on for a minute before Garver asked him a couple more questions. Jackson rambled nonsense when asked questions. He thought the question about ever sneezing and farting at the same time was ridiculous and that's where it ended.
Howard spent some time talking about Carmen Electra and how she seems to have gotten her boobs made even larger. He said he doesn't think that was a good idea. He also said that it looks like she's doing something different with her face. He said she still looks hot but the boobs are really big. Howard said that Pam Anderson is in some great pictures as well and she's coming in tomorrow. Gina Gershon is also coming in tomorrow so Howard and Robin talked about her for a minute. Howard said that he had to commend Maxim magazine for putting Jessica Alba on the cover of their magazine. He said she has a little bit of a belly that she needs to work on. He said it looks okay now but it could go horribly wrong. Howard told her to throw up three times and she'd be fine. He said he thinks she's beautiful but not ''hot.'' He said Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra are ''hot'' to him. So is Uma Thurman. He said Britney Spears has also gotten hot lately. Same with Jessica Simpson. He talked about them for a short time and then moved on to some phone calls.
A woman called in and said she got breast implants a couple of years ago and they're horrible. She said they're too far apart and painful. She said they cost her $7,000 and she hates them. She said she got them done up in her area of Nyack, NY. Howard told her she'd have to get them done in Manhattan if she wants them done correctly. She said it was a woman doctor who did the job. Howard told her that was one problem. He said she needs go to a male doctor. Dr. Daniel Baker was the name he gave her. The woman said she's 22 years old and used to be a stripper. She hasn't been stripping lately though. Howard figured she's just a little stupid and that's why she used a female doctor up in Nyack. He asked her a couple of questions but she was able to answer a math question pretty quick. She didn't know where the Astrodome was. Howard ended up hanging up on her after talking to her for a couple of minutes. He said he's tired of being used to get breast implants so he didn't want to hear it.
Captain Janks called in and said that he tried to get on Good Morning America today but they must have heard the call that Howard played this morning and now they're prank calling him. He said they don't say anything, they just call and hang up but he has it on his caller ID.
Howard told Patrice that they want him for his new Showtime show ''Etiquette for Outlaws'' so they can film him and teach people how to do this stuff. Patrice said his people told him that they didn't want him for that show and they were going in a different direction. Howard said that he's the executive producer for that show and they're going to put him on.
Patrice said that these women down there actually feel offended if you don't sleep with them so he has to do them. He said he always uses a condom since it is a third world country. He said the women down there act like they care more than the hookers here in the States or even in Amsterdam.
Howard gave Patrice a plug for his gigs at Carolines on Broadway tonight and Sunday night. He then took a call from a guy who said once you go down to Brazil, you can't have a girlfriend up here. Patrice said that's true and the women down there ''...sell you what you're buying.'' Robin didn't understand that so Patrice told her that women up here will tell you they can cook and clean and stuff like that but that's not what guys are looking for. They're looking to feel a certain way and the women down there can do that and you know why they're doing it.
Patrice said all of the guys that go there know how great it is and don't need places like Scores anymore. He said you don't need a personality or anything when you go down there. You just pay the girls and they do exactly what you want. He and the guys talked about that for a little while and Howard compared Patrice's trip to their trips to Scores. Patrice said that when you go to other countries it's like being Superman. He said the women in other countries aren't as jaded as the women here and they'll tell you that you have a nice penis and stuff like that.
A listener called in and said that he doesn't have to pay to get laid down in Brazil. He said he's like Brad Pittt down there because the guys down there are so disgusting. Patrice said when you go to Rio you can't get it free though, you have to pay for it there. Howard had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard said that Artie is kind of homophobic so he asked him if he would be upset if he had a gay son. Artie said he might be kind of bummed out by that if it happened. That led to Howard bringing Scott DePace from E! in to talk about the same thing. Scott is also homophobic and wouldn't like to have a gay son. They went over that for a little while and goofed on Scott for a few minutes.
KC came in and said that Patrice was diddled by a guy when he was young. Patrice said he was too young to be gay so he didn't know what to think about it back then. He said it only happened for a short time and he told everyone that the guy was gay. Then the guy showed up with his son on the side of the street one day and threatened him. He said the guy told him not to say anything else to anyone about the incident. He and Howard went over that for a short time before getting to the news.
Nicole Bass called in and said the best place to get hookers is in South Africa. She said prostitution is legal down there and there are hot hookers everywhere. Howard asked her if she had any of them when she was there. Nicole said she didn't have any of them but a lot of them were coming up to her when she was visiting one time.
Howard started off the morning talking about all of the hot chicks they were going to have on the show today. They have the World's Smartest Stripper contest, Gina Gershon and Pamela Anderson coming in. He said he never knew he'd have a show like this going on when he started thinking about doing radio when he was like 5 years old.
A listener called in to complain about last night's baseball game between the Yankees and the Red Sox. The guy ended up going off on everyone in the studio for some reason like it was their fault for the Sox loss. Artie was very happy that the Yanks are in the World Series because he has tickets and wanted to see the Yanks in it. Artie said he'll be there for the first game. Artie said he actually sold his tickets to last night's game for some reason. Howard talked about how he had to go to bed at a decent time because he wanted to be prepared for his guests today. Artie told Howard he should go to one of the World Series games. Howard said he might have to go to one but didn't commit. Robin told Howard that the Yankees and Red Sox games were getting such good ratings that NBC was running reruns of ''Friends'' and some of their other shows so they didn't have to compete.
A listener called in and asked Howard who's better in bed, Gina Gershon or Robin Givens. Howard said ''How would I know?'' The caller asked him to talk about Angie Everhart instead but he wasn't saying much about her either. Stuttering John came in a short time later and got them back on the subject of the Yankees again. He told Howard how great the game was and about how they were able to pull off the win. He gave Howard many of the details about the game and who hit what and how the score got to where it was. John and Artie said they were yelling at their TVs when all of this was going on. Artie helped out with the description of the game and filled Howard in on some of the other details. John was stuttering quite a bit since he didn't get much sleep last night. Fred was at the game and said he saw Boston fans crying in the stands while the Yankees fans were going nuts. Fred said he paid $750 per ticket to go to that game. He said he only bought 2 and went with another couple who bought their own tickets. Gary said they overturned cars in Boston last night after they lost. Howard seemed pretty surprised that Fred actually shelled out that kind of money for tickets to a baseball game.
Howard had Janks on the line and asked him about what happened. Janks said he actually spoke to the real Cubs fan and got some info out of him to get past the screener. Janks said he had everything he needed to get on that show. He also said that the guy is a big fan of the show but he can't do any shows at this point. Howard has been defending the guy but he probably won't do the show at this point. Janks said that he told them that he was hiding out in Pennsylvania when they asked him why he was calling from a Pennsylvania number. Robin wondered why he drags out his conversations so long because it's easier for these shows to figure him out. Janks said he called one show one time and they actually figured out who he was after he was on too long. They hung up on him before he had the chance to say Howard's name. Janks told Howard that he had his life threatened after making a call to a network after the ferry service the other day. He said someone told him that if he called their network again he'd be killed. He wasn't sure if it was from the same show he called or not though. Howard had to take a break shortly after playing that.
Howard moved on to the big BetOnSports.com football pool picks. He got Artie's pick of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He then moved on to Gary the Retard who picked the Green Bay ''Backers.'' Howard said when they spoke to him earlier he picked the Seahawks. Robin thinks something is up there and someone must be helping him out. Gary said he's not getting any help though.
Howard moved on to Sanders the Chicken who picked the San Francisco 49ers. Howard then got Daniel Carver of the KKK on the line to get his pick. He's also taking Tampa Bay along with Artie. Artie said that if he and Daniel win or lose they're not going to change from their standings much. They're very close in this pool so far. Here are the standings so far and each person's pick for this week:
Howard asked Daniel if he would sleep with a black woman for $25,000. He says he wouldn't so Howard tried to find out how much it would take. Daniel said it would take something like a million bucks to get him to do something like that. Howard took a phone call for Daniel while he was still on. A black guy called in and said that he's in full support of Kobe Bryant and wanted to know what Daniel thought about that. Daniel said he thinks that Kobe is guilty but the guy on the line said he's innocent and he's proud of him. Howard asked the guys on the phone if they think the girl was forced or had sex willingly. They said they think she did it willingly. Daniel said that she'll have to hang her head in shame the rest of her life even though she was raped. He said that other white girls might learn from the whole situation and not sleep with black guys.
Howard asked Daniel if he automatically believes a white woman when she cries rape from a black man. Daniel said he doesn't automatically believe them because there area lot of white sluts out there. He and the two guys on the line argued for a couple of minutes. Daniel was asking them ''Who's yo' daddy nig***?'' a few times. One of the guys on the line said that his goal in life is to sleep with as many white women as possible. He said he's done about 120 white chicks in his life so far. Daniel said that 50 years ago Kobe Bryant would be hanging from a tree. He also told these guys on the line that he thinks they should be hanging from a tree as well but he's not a violent person so he'd just have them sent back to Africa. The guys on the phone kept the conversation going with Daniel for a few minutes. The guys told Howard that they had a white woman in the room with them so they put her on the line as well. Daniel said of course those guys have a white woman, black women are ugly and no one wants them. The guys on the line agreed and said that they only want white women. Howard let them go at it for a little while and then wrapped up the segment.
Howard was supposed to play the Smartest Stripper Contest but KC's stripper, Andrea (Miss Howard Stern), didn't show up on time. KC said that she was out drinking until 5 in the morning and she was running late. He said she doesn't make the best decisions all the time. Gary was in the studio so Howard told him that some people have been saying that they have to do something about Gary's breath because it's worse than ever. Gary got mad that John kept bringing it up so they ended up getting into an argument. John said it's not just him though. Artie and Robin have noticed it as well. John and Gary are going away together to the Bahamas today so Gary told John to walk to the airport instead of driving with him there. Howard knows it's going to be great on Monday because John will be reporting on everything that happened when they were down in the Bahamas. Stuttering John asked Gary if he would tell Howard about his breath if it smelled as bad as his. Gary said he would probably tell him about it. Gary told John to take a cab to the airport today. He sounded serious. The guys asked John how much money he was bringing with him down to the Bahamas this weekend. He was only bringing $200 so Artie goofed on him about that. John then said that he's going to buy the first round... of Lavoris.
KC came in and said that he thinks Gina Gershon is afraid to smell Gary's breath. He said she's out in the green room and she might have caught a whiff already. John and Gary continued to go at each other for a few minutes. John said he doesn't know why Gary gets so mad at him for doing this stuff. Gary said it's because he's so relentless when he finds something like this.
Howard and Gina traded compliments with each other for a short time. Gina said that she misses Howard and that's why she wanted to do the show. She said she misses e-mailing him and keeping in touch with him. Fred played some sad music in the background as Howard sang along to it. Gina told Howard that she lost his e-mail address when she lost her Blackberry device. Howard said he and Gina had a friendship going. He'd go to see her in a play and she'd talk to his daughter about college and stuff like that. Then Gina's good friend Ted Demi died. She was good friends with him and it was very sad for her. Howard didn't know Ted and Gina called him one day. He said she asked him not to make fun of the guy because he had said something about him being a little overweight and how he shouldn't have been playing basketball. Gina said Dennis Leary called her and told her that Howard was saying some strange stuff about Ted. Howard said that's the problem. Dennis is a baby and he's the problem there. Howard said he went nuts when she called him and demanded to know the name of the person who told her this stuff. Howard said he was relentless in asking her who told her about what he'd said. He said he knows that it was wrong to do that and ended up calling her back a couple of days later. He apologized to her for going off on her like that. Gina told Howard that she actually had Ted Demi there with her in an urn. She wanted Howard to apologize to the urn but also wanted it on tape.
Howard said after that happened, he never heard from Gina again. She said she wasn't that mad at him and would have taken a call from him if he'd called. Howard continued to go off on Dennis a bit for a few minutes. He wasn't very happy with Dennis calling her about all of this stuff. Howard said he hates that guy now. He said he didn't hate him until today.
Howard wanted to ask Gina about who she's banging these days but she didn't want to go there. Howard asked her about Alec Baldwin saying that she's gay. He mentioned something quickly about her ''playing for the other team'' but she denied that. Howard read some e-mail they got about Gina. A woman wrote in and talked about how much she likes Gina. The woman wanted to come in and meet her and try to get a kiss. Howard actually had the woman there so they brought her in to meet Gina. They brought Jessica in a minute later. She's only 19 years old. Jessica said that she's not a lesbian but she does like Gina a lot. Howard let her say what she wanted to say to Gina. They mentioned Gina's movie ''Pray for Rock And Roll,'' which opens today, a couple of times. Howard let Jessica stay in there for a couple of minutes to talk to Gina. She didn't get her kiss though. She asked for a hug but Howard told her to wait until after the interview.
Howard moved on to talk about Gina's list of boyfriends. She said the list is probably wrong anyway. Howard asked her if she dated Beck the rock guy. She said she dated him but wouldn't say if they had sex or not. Gina ended up saying that she and Howard kissed a little bit but he said that was a lie. Howard said she was lying about that though and they never kissed or had sex with each other. Howard's face turned red when she said it so everyone thought Howard was lying. Robin thought that maybe they had something going but found out they just couldn't work out the relationship. Howard said nothing happened and Gina backed that up. She said she was just kidding about the whole kissing thing.
Howard talked to Gina about her new movie ''Pray for Rock and Roll'' for a short time. A guy called in and told Howard to get Gina off the air because she was just in to talk about her movie. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that he saw the movie and it's very good. He said the movie is pretty hot. He also brought up Owen Wilson who Gina is dating now. She joked that she's carrying his child but laughed as she said it. She wouldn't talk about the real details. Chaunce also asked her about the movie ''Showgirls'' and if they asked her to show her private parts like Sharon Stone did in her movie. Gina said she gave the director a really crazy idea to do a shot that looked like they were inside of her and pull out in the scene. She said he didn't like that idea and never bothered her about showing her bush again. Chaunce brought up Henry Rollins at one point and Gina ended up telling Howard a story about something she heard about why he refused to do a scene with her one time. She said she was told that Henry thought she was a Scientologist and decided not to do the movie over that. She said she doesn't know if that's true or not though but if it is, that's a pretty lame reason not to do a movie. Howard played some of Gina's music from the new movie she's in. He then wrapped up the interview and went to commercial break
Howard played a quick clip from last night's game when the Yankees won the game. Howard said he knows Charlie Steiner who was one of the guys who was doing the announcing. Howard said he's represented by his agent and knows of him from hearing him on the radio years ago working with Jay Thomas.
Stuttering John came in and said that Gina Gershon and Pamela Anderson were in the green room talking about sex with each other. They were catching all of that on tape. Howard said Gina said a few things during her interview that probably got censored out. She was talking about how guys with big penises don't think they have to perform oral on women for some reason. Robin and Howard talked about that for a minute until John told them that Gina could give Pam a run for her money as far as looks go.
Howard got back to the James Garner story and how ABC must be planning on killing off the stars of that show every year to keep up the ratings. He said that Garner will probably be dead in a year and they'll be able to grab some big ratings when he croaks.
KC came in and said that Jeff the Drunk called in like 3 days straight asking to come in and meet Pamela. He was calling in so much that he ended up calling in during the Yankees game last night and called the game. Howard played some of the voice mail they had from him where he called over and over again. He begged to come in and meet Pam. Then he called back a bunch of times with baseball game updates. KC said he's retarded or something for doing that. Artie did his impression of Jeff for a little while before Howard brought in Pam.
Howard said Pamela Anderson (Get Videos) is in the new ''Scary Movie 3'' movie and he heard she's pretty funny in it. Pam came in a short time later and Howard said she looked great. He continued to tell her how hot she is for a little while. He then asked her if she even knew there was a game on last night. She said she loves baseball players but doesn't seem all that interested in the games.
Howard and Robin asked Pam about her breast implants and why she got them so big. She said they end up looking even bigger in pictures than they do in person. Howard and Pam traded compliments with each other for a short time. Howard started to ask Pam about the time they made out at Scores but Pamela doesn't remember it that way. She said she didn't make out with him. Howard said her friend started to make out with him and then Pam said that she was getting jealous and wanted to kiss him as well. Pamela said she didn't do that though and all she remembered was Ralph buttering up her leg. Pam said that Ralph had cut the whole dress and burned it while they were there. She said the designer she borrowed the dress from actually needed that dress the next day.
Pam said that Howard had to mention the ''Scary Movie'' thing while she was there. Howard told her how funny she and Jenny McCarthy's scene was and how she should do a whole movie with her. Pam said that she doesn't like doing movies because they take so much time. She said she'd rather be at home with her kids.
Vinnie Favale called in and said he was at Scores that night and saw her and Howard making out. She still wouldn't admit to having done anything with him though. Howard told her he had a good time with her so she said that's all that matters then. Howard then ended up talking to Pam about Kid Rock and what's going on there. She said she loves Kid but she doesn't think there's marriage in their future. She said she loves Tommy Lee as well but she's just friends with him. She said they're with the kids all the time and they're staying good friends.
Howard said that Pam was bursting out of her top with the huge breasts this morning. He threw that in for no reason as he was asking her about the guys she's seeing. Howard said he saw Kid Rock out one night and he was carrying on about how great Pam is. Howard said he thought their relationship was over when they canceled their wedding. Pam said she just wanted to be with her kids and didn't want to get married again. Howard asked her how long it had been since she last had sex. She said it's been a while actually. She said she's not really attached to any guy right now and isn't dating.
Howard and Robin brought up a story about Pam having lost her virginity when she was raped at the age of 12. Pam said the guy was 25 and the sex wasn't consensual. Pam said she told this story on Howard's show years ago and it was just picked up again recently. Howard said he thought he'd heard that story before. Pam said she never told anyone about that until much later in her life. Howard said that's pretty horrible. Pam joked that she turned out just fine because of that.
Pam told Howard that her nipples were sore this morning so he offered to massage them for her. He said he'd put some ice on them as well. Howard told her that his penis hurt too. Pam said that they hurt about once a month so it's probably not the implants. Pam said she thought that she couldn't talk about her nipples on the air because people have told her not to talk about that stuff. Howard wondered who told her that. Pam said that Kid Rock doesn't like hearing that kind of stuff coming out on the air.
Pam said that she hasn't had sex in a couple of weeks now and the last guy she had was Kid Rock. She said that she just doesn't want to marry the guy even though he wants to marry her. Howard interrupted her and told her she was sitting on a vibrating chair and asked if she wanted to feel it. She told them to go ahead with it so they turned it on. You could hear the vibrating noise coming over the air. She said it actually felt pretty good. Howard had her lay down on the chair while it was vibrating.
Pam told Howard that she has her own radio show on satellite radio coming up soon. She told Howard he should do the same thing because he'd own it if he did. Howard took some phone calls after that and let some guys talk to her. The vibrating chair was still going so Howard asked her how that was. She said it was really nice but she wasn't getting off on it. Jeff the Drunk was on the line but he was getting a little too dirty as he spoke to Pam so Howard had to cut him off.
Howard said that Pam has been trying to get rid of the Siegfried and Roy tigers because she doesn't believe that they should be in captivity like that. She said those tigers are not endangered, they're just an inbred thing that they breed for people to see.
Howard asked Pam about her kids and what her friends must think about her. Howard said he had a friend who had a MILF (Mother I'd Like to F) for a mother so he can imagine what kids are going to think about Pam. Pam didn't seem to think that was the case though. She told Howard that Tommy has the kids while she's away and he's taking care of them.
Howard gave Pam a plug for her web site PamelaAnderson.com and ''Scary Movie 3'' and then brought in this intern who wrote a song for her. He said it was just a short song that he put together for her. He played guitar and sang his little song. He sang to her about how much he'd like to sleep with her even though she has Hepatitis C. Howard called the guy ''Dick Jagger'' after he was done.
Howard asked Pam how she was doing with the Hepatitis C and all. She said that she's feeling pretty good and has a good 5 or 10 years left to live. Howard said he really doesn't want to lose her though and hopes she has longer than that.
Howard asked Pam how the filming of ''Scary Movie 3'' was. She said it went very well and she had a lot of fun. Her top almost fell off for the second time during the interview so Howard told her to just get naked. She said she almost brought in her pasties so she could do a photo shoot with Howard with no top on. Gary came in a short time later and asked if she'd put duct tape on them instead. She didn't want to do that and she didn't want to get into a bikini top. Howard wondered if she can even see her own belly with the huge breasts she has.
Pam and Howard talked about the Hepatitis C and how it can be very deadly. She said her liver is doing okay so far and it's actually getting healthier and healthier over time. Pam said she was going to be in town until tomorrow so Howard wondered if it was time to do another Scores party.
Howard took some phone calls for Pam and then gave her a couple of plugs before wrapping up the interview. Pam told Howard that they should do something later. Howard said he has the kids today though so he can't do it. He told her that Artie is free tonight though. Artie asked her if she wanted to go to the Yankees game tomorrow night. She said she had to leave early to get back for her son's soccer game. Pam told Howard that they were all being too nice to her today. Howard told her that next time they'll throw tomatoes at her naked ass. She didn't seem to like that idea though. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Howard replayed Captain Janks' prank call that he played earlier in the show where he called in as Steve Bartman the Cubs fan who screwed up the game the other day. Howard said the call is making big time news. Janks said that ESPN is now crank calling him. He said it shows up on his caller ID and it says ''ESPN'' right on it. Janks said the video is available on KOAM.com. He said they put a picture of Bartman up on the screen as they took his call. Howard spent a short time talking to him about that and then moved on to some other phone calls.