Howard also talked about how ugly he thinks he is. He said that the National Enquirer printed pictures of him last week jogging and they were really bad.
Howard said he lost $350 on the Super Bowl yesterday. He went through some of the other bets they put down. Artie wasn't there because he's out in L.A. for meetings. Howard said he should be there to talk about the game. Gary said he'll probably call in later in the show.
Howard brought up the commercials they ran during the game. He said he liked the one where the guy ended up putting his dog on his head as an afro. Robin said she liked the soft drink commercial where the monkeys created the see-saw to launch themselves into a pool. They all agreed that they liked the commercial where the guy gets advice from his friend to see what his date's mother looks like because that's what she'll probably look in 20 years. The mother's face looks good but her ass is giant. Howard also brought up a bunch of the other commercials that he didn't like. He said the Ozzy commercial was bad and the Daredevil movie commercial makes it look like it's going to be a bad movie. They also talked about The Matrix commercials and how they're hoping that the movies aren't just the same thing as the first one. Howard also brought up the chick from the beer commercials that he mentioned last week. He said that she's not as hot as he thought she was after seeing more pictures of her. Robin said she thought the worst commercial during the Super Bowl was the Michael Jordan and Jackie Chan Hanes commercial. Stuttering John said he liked the one where the guy was choking and his buddy slams on the brakes in his truck to dislodge the food and it ends up on the windshield.
Gary told Howard they dragged the coverage of the game out for another 45 minutes after the game was over. He brought up how they played Bon Jovi songs every time they came back from commercial break. Gary said he was up until 10:50 last night watching all of the coverage. Howard said that some people are trying to create a national holiday around the game. Gary said he barely got in his order for a 3 foot sub on Saturday. He said the guy told him he could probably squeeze him in to get him the sub. Howard took a call after that from a guy who reminded him of the FedEx commercial that aired where the guy was stranded on an island and delivers the package he had with him for 5 years. Then the woman tells him the unopened box contained a satellite phone and a bunch of other stuff that could have helped him.
The guys talked about how sick the guys are who actually paint their faces for their favorite team.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and asked Howard if he noticed Al Michaels hair and how odd it looked. Howard said it did look a little strange but Chaunce must be obsessed with hair since he had some bad transplants done. Howard quickly moved on to some other calls. A caller brought up Shania Twain's performance during the half-time show. Howard then spent a couple of minutes talking about what went on during that part of the game. Howard said he can't stand Gwen Stefani from No Doubt. He said she's annoying and ruined Sting's song. Howard said he thought the Dixie Chicks did great doing the National Anthem. The guys also goofed on Celine Dion. Howard said that her singing in the car commercial was the best marketing for her because no one else would ever play that song. Howard thought that Sting did a great performance of ''Message in a Bottle.'' The guys tried to figure out how old Sting is and whether or not he has had plastic surgery. Howard thinks he has.
Stuttering John asked KC how much he lost on the game yesterday. KC said he hates the Raiders. He had bets on both halfs of the game and lost on it all. Howard had to take a break but wanted to continue the conversation after that.
After the break Howard took a call from Bobo who asked what was going on with Billy Joel. Joel crashed into a tree over the weekend. Howard said the cops took blood from him to make sure he hadn't been drinking. Howard said he thought it was odd that Christie Brinkley was there taking pictures of the accident scene. Howard thought he had an eyewitness to the accident on the line but when the guy got on he just asked Howard what has happened to the show over the past few months. Howard called him a ''twat'' and ended up hanging up on him. Howard continued to bitch about the guy's complaint for a minute after the call. He said if the guy doesn't like it then he should tune away. He said he talks about what he wants to talk about on the show and if someone doesn't like it, they can go away.
Howard said he doesn't agree with the big game being on so late. He said Gary had to put his son, who loves football, to bed at half time. Gary said his son was getting sleepy by that time and it wasn't hard to get him to go to bed. His other son wasn't quite as easy though. He said his other son finds stuff on his way to bed to play with.
Gary said they were trying to get a clear picture of how much KC actually lost on the big game over the weekend. Gary said he admitted to losing $600 but he thinks it was more than that. KC said that he was up on College Basketball betting so he really hasn't lost that much. Gary told Howard that KC's landlord will only take money orders from him now because his checks aren't good enough. KC said he juggles accounts around and doesn't always have money in the right account when he has to pay his rent. Howard said he must just bounce checks though.
Howard said he had a theory about the game. He said he thinks the Raiders must have smoked pot before the game and that's why they did so poorly. Howard also brought up Shania Twain and said she looked like Keanu Reeve in The Matrix while she was performing at half time. He said that Shania and Gwen Stefani should have switched outfits. He said she would look better in Gwen's outfit than Gwen did.
Howard spent some time talking about some of the other stuff that he noticed during the game yesterday. He said he didn't see the pre-game show but heard about some of the performances that went on during that. Howard brought up Santana and Beyonce performing together and stuff like that.
Howard said Stuttering John is on a diet but he drank like 14 beers during the game yesterday. John said he drank the whole weekend but he also jogged. John said he's also started boxing training again just in case he does have to fight Mr. X in March or April.
Gary brought up the old Super Bowl parties they used to have years ago. He said he remembers the Amy Lynn hot oil show as being one of the best ones they had. Howard said those were great parties.
Howard ended up on the subject of his girlfriend and how he's so happy with her that he never thinks about wanting to have sex with other women. He said even when he goes to Scores he doesn't even think about being single again. Howard told the guys that Beth wanted to know what he was pleasuring himself to while she was away. He said he showed her the ''Special Tape'' that he watched and they ended up having sex during that. Howard said that Beth thought the women in the tape were pretty good looking and she understood why it turned him on.
Howard said he has no desire to be at the Super Bowl live when he's watching it on TV. Gary said he would love to be ther and told Howard about how cool it would be to be there live to do a broadcast. Howard thought about it for a minute and said it might be a fun time.
Howard said he really wants to interview Tara Reid again because he's seen pictures of her falling down getting in and out of cars because she's drinking so much. Howard wondered if she's even doing movies anymore.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the other commercials that aired during the game. Howard was about to take another break when he saw that someone wanted to talk about seeing Gary on one of the news channels over the weekend. The guy there was a story about Gary's brother dying of AIDS about 12 years ago and he felt bad for Gary. Howard and Gary were waiting for the guy to goof on Gary but he never did. The guy said that Artie is still a fat pig but he had nothing bad to say about Gary. Howard had to take another break shortly after that.
After that Howard took a call from Michael who works for this place called ''Men with Open Arms day care.'' He told Howard that they encourage children to act in whatever way they want instead of trying to keep them from acting a certain way. Robin wondered who runs such a place. Michael told Robin that some of the guys who work there are reformed pedophiles. Michael claims that they don't encourage children to be gay, they just don't discourage it. Michael said the reason he was calling was to tell Howard they need about $70,000 to start up the center. He also said they're trying to give reformed pedophiles a place to work. Howard read some of the notes he had on Michael and he used to be a gym teacher. The notes said that Michael would sometimes have to remove kids who took too long in the shower from the shower himself. Howard said the guys who work at this place probably work there for free because they get to be around kids. Michael said that they do have some volunteers there. He also claims that they do have kids coming to this day care center and about 80 percent of them are boys. Howard took some phone calls from some people who wanted to talk about how wrong this is. Some people said that there is no cure for pedophiles and these guys aren't reformed. One caller said if the guys were near him the place would be called ''Men with Broken Jaws day care.'' Howard continued to take calls from people who all just wanted to goof on the guy. One guy wondered if it's even legal to do this. The guy said that they don't do anything illegal there. One woman actually called in and said she was okay with this. Pretty much everyone else figured the guy was goofing on Howard or he was nuts. Michael said that his place has been licensed for 10 years and it's no a goof. A caller asked Michael if they disclose to the parents that they have ex-pedophiles working for them. Michael said they don't come right out and tell them that because it's not one of their bigger selling points. Howard said it sounds like having reformed pedophiles in charge of a day care center is like putting a pyromaniac in charge of a match factory.
After getting off the phone with the guy Howard continued to talk about how disturbing it was for a few minutes. He then moved on to talk about the riots that broke out in Oakland after the Super Bowl last night. Howard read an article about the riots and talked about that for a short time. He also brought up the Billy Joel accident story again. He said that Joel was airlifted to the hospital after crashing his car. He played a quick clip of Joel's song ''It's Still Rock & Roll To Me'' where he sings ''What's the matter with the car I'm drivin'...'' and all of a sudden you hear a car skidding and then crashing. Howard said Joey Boots spent all night working on that clip. Howard continued to talk about the accident and read an article about it where they talk about Christie Brinkley going out to take pictures of the accident scene. The article says that Joel was not drunk at the time. He was driving a Mercedes Benz S600 when he hit the tree. Howard said he's glad to hear that Billy is okay after the accident. Bobo called in and asked Howard if he thought it was odd that they called a press conference yesterday about the Billy Joel thing and then they canceled it. He thought something didn't add up about it because Joel was airlifted to the hospital and all of a sudden he's already been released. Howard didn't think much of it though.
Howard took a couple of phone calls about various stuff. One guy thought that Artie was out today because he lost a ton of money on the game yesterday. Howard said he's out in L.A. doing some work though.
Eric the Midget called in and said he wanted to talk about ''American Idol'' last week but he kept getting left on hold. Howard told him that he gets boring sometimes and he didn't want to have him on. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Eric about how he should try going to some of those little people meetings to hook up with some other little people. Howard hasn't seen Eric so he spent a couple of minutes trying to find out what he looks like. He was asking him if he has tiny fingers and how tall he is. Eric said he's 3'6'' tall which is even smaller than Hank the Dwarf was. Howard told Eric that he could get work in movies and TV because there's tons of work out there for little people. Howard told Eric to get off the whole ''American Idol'' thing and get a life. Another caller brought up how dwarfs have normal sized penises and wondered if female dwarfs have normal sized vaginas. Howard didn't answer the question though, he was curious to know how big Eric's penis was. He wanted him to measure it while he was on the phone but Eric said he didn't have anything to measure it with. Howard wrapped up the call and took a break shortly after that.
Howard brought up how the radio division of their company has been going through a bunch of changes and Tom now has this new guy Scott Herman above him. Howard asked Tom if he feels it was a big blow to him. Tom first had to straighten Howard out about the comments he made about him waiting to talk to him. He said he didn't come in to wait for him to talk, he was just bringing in the stuff for Howard to eat and drink. Howard finally got Tom to talk about this new boss he has and why he was passed over for that job. Tom said he guesses he just wasn't up for it. Tom told Howard about what the guy's job is and spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard asked Tom if he's even necessary anymore. Tom jokingly said he doesn't think he is needed but then said that he thinks he is needed because of how big the Howard Stern show is. Howard said he's heard from some people who think that Tom is really pissed about this and he might quit. Tom said he has thought about retiring over the years but he's not going to quit over this. He said he really likes working there. Howard asked Tom what his family thinks about all of this. He said his wife would kill him if he ever stopped working. Howard tried to get Tom to admit that he's upset about being passed over for that job but Tom wouldn't admit to anything like that. Tom did say that the news did knock the wind out of him though.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims he knew why Tom was passed over. He was disguising his voice and Howard couldn't understand what he was saying so he hung up on him. Howard said he heard the news last week and knew that Tom would be upset. He suggested to Tom that he resign now and he'll follow him out the door... Two and a half years later. Robin wondered if Tom really expected to move up in the company like that. Howard said he must have and he was just passed over. During all of this Fred had sad piano music playing in the background. Tom told Howard that he was told ''Not this time.'' about the promotion. Howard said he still thinks that Tom has had enough and he'll be out of there before he is. Howard said he really does feel bad for Tom even though Robin didn't believe it. Howard started to wrap up the discussion and then told Tom ''Sorry to hear about your failure.'' They spent a couple more minutes on that subject. Howard and Robin wondered if Tom is going to have a problem working for this guy who's above him now. Tom said he won't but Howard made up a whole conversation about what Tom and Scott would be saying to each other when Scott calls him.
Howard took a call from ''Scott'' who told him to come to his office right away... with a coffee, light and sweet. Howard asked Tom what he thought what kind of money he would have gotten with that job. Tom said it probably would have been 20-30 percent more with options. He then told Howard he hasn't seen a smile on his face like that in a long time. Howard said he really is an evil person. Howard also put the word out that he doesn't want to meet with Scott Herman at all either. He and Tom continued to talk about the whole thing for a couple more minutes after that. Robin said it's probably not a good time to ask Tom for a raise. Tom seemed to agree with her about that. Howard also told Tom that he's already dealing with Scott on a few things and Tom really is just useless around there now because Scott is the one overseeing everything.
Howard moved on after that discussion and brought up this retarded guy Chris Burke who played Corky on ''Life Goes On'' years ago. He said they've put out another album featuring him but he hardly appears on it. Howard played a clip of one of the songs and you hardly hear him sing during the song. Howard said the song is too ''slick'' and they should have let him ''sing'' more. He doesn't really sing though, he just reads his lines to the music. Howard spent a couple of minutes goofing on the album.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested Howard dedicate Johnny Cash's cover of ''Hurt'' to Tom. Howard thought that was a good idea so they got the song and played it. Howard spent a couple of minutes with that and then took a break.
Howard mentioned some stories that were in the tabloids this week. Robin also brought up the fact that Mary Tyler Moore may lose a foot due to complications from her diabetes. That led to the guys talking about women who used to be hot when they were younger. Howard was wondering if he'd bang Mary Tyler Moore now that she's as old as she is. Dolly Parton's name also popped up in that conversation. Gary told Howard he'd put together a list of older women for Howard and the guys to go through to see who they'd bang if they had to.
Howard mentioned that comedian Elon Gold was supposed to have been in by this time to sit in for the news. Gary told Howard that he was running late. Howard explained how Elon has contacted them a bunch of times lately begging to be on the show and now he's showing up late. He didn't understand how anyone would be late when they've begged to be on so much.
Gary came in and had a few old women for Howard and the guys to go through. They went through names like Estelle Getty and Suzanne Somers before changing subjects.
Howard said his daughter went to a Bat Mitzva over the weekend and one of the local DJs from Z100 was there as part of the entertainment. Howard said he's glad he doesn't have to do crap like that. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard said that he likes this show ''In Laws'' that Elon is starring in with Dennis Farina. Howard said Farina is really funny in the show but it's about to be canceled. Elon said that they're about to be canceled and tomorrow night was supposed to be, possibly, the final show. They just found out that the President is supposed to be on tomorrow night though so the show won't be on. Elon said he's really got nothing to plug today other than the comedy gig he's doing at The Comedy Cellar tonight.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about this guy Jerry Nachman they knew from years ago and how it was just announced that he has cancer. Howard put out the word that he loved that guy.
Howard said that Elon met his wife when he was 15 years old and has only been with that one woman his whole life. Howard ended up talking to him about that for a little while. Howard wondered why anyone would get married without banging a few other chicks. Elon said he doesn't even think about doing other chicks because his wife is so great.
Howard had Elon do some of his impressions for him. He did his Gilbert Gottfried, Jay Leno and even his Howard impression. Howard thought his Leno was really good. Elon did a Charles Grodin impression that was dead on also. Elon said that he loves to do Howard also. He said there are two Howard's, one when he's on TV and one when he's on the radio. He did both and they were pretty good. Howard said he loves impressions. He wanted him to do more so Elon did Al Gore who ads a lot of H's when he's talking. He then did a Joe Lieberman impression who sounds like the father on Alf. Elon did a Johnny Carson impression that was pretty good. Howard had Elon do his Bobcat Golthwait impression for a few seconds but there's no reason to do him anymore. Elon said he does a Jeff Goldblum but it's more visual. He said he's going to do that on Craig Kilborn tonight.
Howard gave Elon a couple of plugs for the shows he has coming up soon. He'll be appearing at The Comedy Cellar tonight and at The Laugh Factory in L.A. This weekend. After that Howard had Robin do her news. While she was doing the news Sylvester Stallone's name came up so Elon did his impression of Stallone. He later told Howard about a phone call he made to Jay Leno years ago. He said he got Jay's number one time and just kept it around as a goof. Then when Jay took over the Tonight Show he decided to call and tell him how good he was as the new host. Elon told the story and did his Leno impression as he described how the call went. He said Jay wasn't upset that he'd called and actually thanked him for being a fan. Jay ended up asking him what his name was but Elon thought it would be best not to tell him. Jay said ''Okay, goodbye!'' but didn't hang up. Elon said he heard silence so he said ''Hello'' and Jay was still there. He said Jay asked him what his name was again but he said he didn't think it was a good idea to tell him. Once again Jay said ''Okay, goodbye.'' but didn't hang up. Elon said that he did that about 4 times before he finally got off the phone with him.
Howard brought up a story about a couple of kids who chopped off their mother's head after seeing an episode of ''The Sopranos'' where someone's head was cut off. He and Robin talked about that for a couple of minutes before going on to other stuff. A listener called in and said he thinks that the guy on ''Joe Millionaire'' last night may have been getting oral from one of the chicks on the show. Howard said Gary saw the same thing. Stuttering John came in and told Howard which one of the chicks was doing it to him. Gary and John told Howard about some of the other stuff that went on during the show and how dumb the guy comes off. Howard said he thinks he's retarded.
A guy called in and said he saw Beetlejuice fight on Pay-Per-View over the weekend. He told Howard that Beet got his ass kicked. Howard said he saw some of the tape before it aired and Beet thought that he won after the fight even though he got beaten.
Howard said he has a huge zit on his nose that he just squeezed. He said he could feel stuff coming out when he did that.
Howard was complaining about being sick again and Gary told him that when he's that sick he should go home. Gary said that Howard sits there talking about going home all morning and he never does when he's sick. Gary said when he's that sick, he should just go home. Howard said he hears his father's voice in his head telling him to stay at work.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him about what went on during last night's ''Fear Factor.'' The guy described the pizza the contestants had to eat last night. The crust was made of bile and the sauce was coagulated blood. There were also fish eyes, worms and stinky bad cheese on it. Howard said Ronnie the Limo Driver told him about that and it sounded pretty gross.
A listener called in and told Howard that the chick from ''Access Hollywood'', Nancy Odell, is separated from her husband and didn't talk about that when she was on the show recently. Howard said they keep asking him to have her do more reports on his show so now he'll say yes so he can talk to her more. Howard took a break shortly after that.
After the break Howard said that Benjy is on the Atkins diet... The Chet Atkins diet. He spent a minute talking to him about the mostly fat diet and sarcastically said he looks good.
Howard said they had a couple of space heaters in the studio but someone stole one of them. He said it could be worse though. Robin said that they could be outside working or something. Howard said it could be worse if they were working at WNEW. He said that station used to be Howard Stern clones all day long but now they've switched back to all music. He said right now they're playing all kinds of music including rock and rap. Gary asked him what the final format for the station will be. Howard said that it will be soft rock but probably not the hit songs. He said you'll probably hear songs from popular band's albums but not their hits. He said that his Program Director Steve Kingston wanted to program the station so he went to Mel and suggested that to him. Howard said Mel told him that he can't get ratings with their station so why would he let him program WNEW? Howard said he could program that station because he knows some new music.
Howard took a call from a woman who was on a cell phone. Howard wanted her to get on a better phone so she asked if they were going to call her back. Howard wondered if she had anything interesting to talk about. She said about 15 months ago she had an evil spirit come through her body. Howard cut her off and told John to call her back.
Howard said he saw in the paper that Angie Everhart was claiming to be 28 years old even though she's 33. One of the papers busted her on that and pointed it out in the paper today. Howard said he knew that she was 33 but didn't even notice that it said she was 28 yesterday. Howard said his girlfriend told him about the story. Howard said he's proud that Angie has been going around telling people that he was the best sex she ever had. Howard and Robin spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Melrose Larry Green called in to talk about being out in Las Vegas. He said he saw that Jennifer Lopez won $250,000 on the Super Bowl. He said Drew Carey also bet quite a bit on the game and won. Melrose said that Artie lost $5,000 on the game and lost. Howard ended up hanging up on Melrose when he started talking about what a great guy Artie is.
Howard got back to the woman who called in earlier. Rhonda told him about this evil spirit that entered her body a couple of years ago. Howard muted his voice and talked over some of her story saying that it was going to be great. She was explaining how this evil spirit entered through her chest and hasn't slept for 13 months. Howard and Robin ended up goofing on the woman. Howard wanted to give her an exorcism. He asked her a few questions and told her that he could put a spell on her that would get rid of all of her problems. She didn't want Howard to do anything though. Howard tried to have her repeat after him but she refused. He tried again to get her to repeat ''Biaco Bichu'' but she wouldn't. Howard said he was getting the name Franklin Graham coming to him. She said she has called Franklin Graham trying to get cured. Howard told her that he's evil though. Howard eventually gave up on trying to do the exorcism. He used a voice synthesizer to do an evil sounding voice to talk to her after that. Robin asked her where her husband was. She said he was there so Howard asked to talk to him. She said he didn't want to talk to him so Howard told her he was done with her and got off the phone.
Wendy the Retard called in so Howard asked her if she was haunted too. She agrees with everything Howard says so she played along with that for a few seconds. She went on to tell Howard that he makes her horny in the morning sometimes. Howard asked her all kinds of questions about putting fingers in bad places and smelling them and stuff like that. She said ''Yes!'' to every one he asked. He did that for a couple of minutes and then told Wendy he had to go. Wendy had a song ready to perform before she got off though. He let her do that and she sang ''I'm a Bitch'' horribly. Howard thanked her and took another break.
Adam was having some trouble with his equipment. He ended up turning down his microphone and no one could hear him. Howard asked him if he was controlling the stuff himself. Adam said that he was working from his office so he was controlling the stuff himself. Howard said he's at home in an extra room, not an office.
Adam spent a short time talking about how people really want Jimmy Kimmel to fail with this new show of his. Even Adam wants him to fail.
Yesterday the guys were talking about older women and whether or not they'd bang them. Gary put together a list and brought it in to see who Howard would bang. Here's the list and the women Howard would rather bang:
Shatner was calling in to promote this DVD release of ''Spplat Attack'' that's out now. Howard seemed surprised that Shatner was so into paintball. Gary interrupted them and had the list of women he asked Howard about and asked Shatner if he banged any of them. Shatner said he didn't know any of them. Howard wanted him to talk about just one famous chick that he banged. Shatner didn't want to talk about any of that though.
Shatner plugged another DVD release called ''Groom Lake'' before Howard started to wrap things up. Howard told Shatner they have a great new game to play with him the next time he comes in. He mentioned ''Anal Ring Toss'' but the delay button was hit for some reason so we missed some of the conversation. Howard also asked Shatner about this story they read about him being abducted by aliens after he was in an accident. Shatner explained that he made the story up for a producer who needed some publicity though. Howard wrapped up the segment after that and gave him a plug for WilliamShatner.com.
Howard talked about the dating show they have on E! now featuring celebrities. He said he saw the guy who played Eddie Munster on a date and it was kind of depressing. He said the woman thought that he really turned into a monster. Howard said he was surprised that E! can't get better celebrities to appear on that show.
Howard read an article about Paul Reubens and how charges are going to be dropped for the alleged child pornography he had. Howard read through the article and said that it sounds like he's a sick bastard because he has tons of porn in his home. The guys talked about that for a few minutes and Howard said he'd love to see a reality TV show about Reubens.
Howard moved on to talk about the kids who decapitated their mother after seeing ''The Sopranos'' episode where a guy was decapitated. Howard gave a few more details about the incident and how the kids were caught. Howard also talked about how they're using this incident to show how TV is bad for kids.
Howard played a High Pitch Erik phony phone call that he did a couple of weeks ago. Erik calls a store and complains about how his nuts hit the handle on a shopping cart and now he's talking like Michael Jackson. After the call Howard talked about how retarded Erik sounds when he makes those calls.
Howard also replayed the Beetlejuice being interviewed by James Lipton from ''Inside the Actors Studio'' bit that they created. Howard and Adam spent a short time talking about the host of that show and how bad the interviews are.
Howard spent a couple of minutes plugging tonight's E! show which features Nikki Ziering. He and Adam spent a minute talking about how she kept the Ziering name even though she's not married to Ian Ziering anymore.
Howard talked about a story that was on the front page of the local paper this morning. Some kids were out in a dingy the other night and they called 911 with a cell phone because they needed to be rescued. The 911 people didn't respond to it and the kids are now missing. Now there will be lawsuits from the families of the kids because the 911 people decided not to react for some reason.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him about the nightmare riots in Oakland after they lost the Super Bowl.
Howard asked Adam about the first episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live and how some chick puked after being served alcohol. Adam said the woman may have been part of Snoop Dogg's posse but ABC was upset about it and may not let the audience drink anymore. Howard thought it was a great idea to let the audience drink. He said he likes Jimmy even though some people have been saying that he doesn't like him.
Howard took a few wacky phone calls and wondered what was going on. Some people just rambled on about nonsense that he didn't want to hear. Adam told him he needs to get a screener. Howard told him he has one though. A couple of people brought up the Raiders fans rioting so they spent some time talking about that.
Gary was in the studio so Howard had him tell a couple of stories about bad cab driver experiences. He recently told a story about having to get out of a cab because the driver had such bad body odor. He quickly told that story and that led to them talking about the body odor that they've smelled in cabs and stuff like that. Gary also told Howard a story about going to Italy and a tour leader he had told him she bathed only every other day. Gary said she told him ''You American's bathe so much that every other day is enough.'' Howard said he's heard stories about cab drivers who won't shut off their horrible music also. Adam got in on the conversation and brought up the celebrity voice reminders that they play in the cabs there in the city. They spent a few seconds on that before Howard had Gary tell another cabbie story.. He and KC were both flying out of town recently and they had to be at the airport around the same time. They decided to share a cab. They told the cab driver to go to the United Airlines terminal first and then to Delta. Gary had to fly out on United first. The cab driver drove them to the airport and went right to Delta. Gary asked him why he didn't go to United first and the driver told him he didn't know where that terminal was. KC said Gary was yelling at the cab driver while he just laughed. Gary said he had to direct the driver out of the airport and back in so he could get to his terminal. He said the cab driver didn't even turn off the meter when he had to leave the airport but Gary said he didn't really care. He even gave the guy a small tip when he finally got there. Adam said that perhaps these countries send over all of their degenerates to work in our country to get back at us for some reason. KC said he sometimes gets a woman cab driver and he's so used to telling guys to drive him somewhere that he'll say ''Yo Bro' take me to...'' and the woman will turn around and give him a dirty look.
Howard played the top 5 songs to kill a few more minutes. He also threw in a couple of pedophile song parodies.
Howard took another call from Melrose Larry Green who brought up an article about Howard's boss Mel Karmazin. He said that Sumner Redstone's daughter wants to get in to take over Mel's job. Howard said that USA Today isn't a real newspaper and they don't know what they're talking about. Howard said he's heard that there's a good chance that Mel will leave the company and that will make him miserable. Howard said he may ask to be released from his contract if that happens. Melrose asked Howard not to do that because so many people love him. Howard told him he'd be alright without him though. Melrose got in some ass kissing for Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel. He said he likes both of them very much. Melrose continued his discussion about Mel and what's been written about him. He said that he read that Mel makes as much money in a day as most families make in a year. Howard said that's because Mel works hard and knows what he's doing. Melrose started to talk about seeing KC's comedy act in Las Vegas but Howard said he didn't want to hear that so he hung up on him. Howard then had Richard Belzer come in to hang out for the news.
After the break Howard mentioned that Artie is out in L.A. Shooting a movie with Will Ferrell from Saturday Night Live. Howard said that Artie is a wanted man in Hollywood these days. He also joked that any movie with Will Ferrell in it is bound to be a hit.
Belzer stuck around to comment on some of the stories that Robin brought up. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to him trying to find out who he hangs out with. He wanted to know if he has any famous friends but Belzer would just make jokes about everything. A listener called in and complained about Belzer saying that we shouldn't bomb Iraq. Belzer brought up the first amendment as his defense. Howard moved on to the news in the middle of that conversation. Howard let a couple more people complain about Belzer throughout the news.
Howard said he's really angry this morning and he knows that people are going to tell him to shut up about it and not complain. Howard said his anger would make for good radio even though he's not sure he wants to do it.
Howard brought up Joe Millionaire and wondered why he's going for the curly haired chick. He said she's not all that hot. He and Robin also talked about how dumb that guy comes off on that show.
Howard asked Fred how old his daughter is now. Fred told him that she's three months old already. Howard wondered when his contract is up because he can't believe that his daughter is already 3 months old. He spent a minute on that and then took a break before getting to his complaining.
After the break Howard said he was turned on to a web site that was ''just friggin' great. He said he was on ifilm.com where they have a video of Carmen Electra that's great. He said she's almost naked and there are a bunch of other hot, naked chicks in the video. Howard said the song in the video sucks but the chicks are great. Howard said he's heard that she can sing but the video shows no evidence of that. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Carmen and her relationship with Dennis Rodman. He found that really strange and tried to figure it out. Gary came in and said he saw Carmen out in L.A. at the Hollywood Squares taping. Gary said that Simon Cowell from ''American Idol'' was there and he got to talking to Carmen Electra and wondered who she was married to. Gary said that she really didn't want to talk about it and tell him that she's married to Dave Navarro. Howard tried to get back to the web site but it was frozen from so many people going on.
Howard told Robin that he's really in love with his girlfriend. She went out of town over a week ago so he ended up going out with some friends and to Scores. He told Robin about all of this and about how he went to another club called Rehab. He said he'll never go to Rehab again. He said the place was empty when they got there that night. Howard said the owner of the club kept dropping Jim Carey's name all night. He said his throat was already hurting by this time and he wasn't drinking. The owner sent over some drinks and then some scantily clad waitresses who were told to be nice to them. Howard said Carson Daly came in a short time later. Howard said he spent about 25 minutes there and left because he was feeling like crap. He said that made him miss his girlfriend even more. He said he's glad he's not doing that whole club scene thing. Howard said he opened the paper this morning and saw an article that was just not true. He read the article that some woman from MSNBC.com wrote about that night. She wrote that Howard and Carson were at adjoining booths there which Howard said wasn't true. She also claimed that there were women there and that wasn't true either. The woman claiming that Howard and Carson were battling for women which was untrue because there were no women there. She also claimed that Howard bought a magnum of champagne. He said that wasn't true either. Howard said none of that stuff was true. He said he knows that his girlfriend and his daughters are probably reading that stuff and getting freaked out. He said his daughters are probably now thinking that he's a douche who's going out trying to pick up other women. He said he wants that story retracted but Robin said ''good luck'' because she knows that won't happen. Howard said ''Who is Jeannette Walls to ruin my life?'' Howard took a couple of phone calls and said he knows that people are going to think he's a dick for complaining but the story just isn't true. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that the story didn't sound all that bad to him. He told Howard he's a huge star and that stuff comes with stardom. Howard said that doesn't give them to right to lie about him though. Howard said that these people should get their story straight because the club was ''EMP-TY'' when they were there. Robin said the story will probably be embellished by people who tell Howard's daughters about the story. Howard goofed on the writer working for MSNBC and told Chaunce that working for ''Steppin' Out'' is probably a better job. Howard said it makes him look like a desperate sleezbag. He said he knows he is one but he doesn't want people to know that.
Howard took a couple more phone calls from people who thought he was being oversensitive to this situation. King of All Blacks also called in and told Howard that Beth is eventually going to get sick of seeing Howard's name in the paper and she'll want someone ''normal.'' Howard said he's nuts and hung up on him. Robin asked Howard if he likes being famous. Howard said ''sure'' and said that it does have it's advantages.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said that Carson is a womanizer and hanging around him might bring on stories like this. Cabbie was trying to convince Howard that he should be hanging around ''normal'' people. Howard said he was with normal people like Ralph. Howard said he thinks Cabbie just wants him to hang out with him so that's why he's telling him this stuff. Howard eventually hung up on Cabbie when he started agreeing with what Robin said about these stories coming along with stardom.
Robin said that the club must have nothing going on to let a story like this come out. Howard wanted to explain all of this to Beth so he had Gary give her a call. Howard said he'd like to talk to Carson Daly also to find out what his story is.
The guys got Beth on the phone and she told Howard to get over it already. She wasn't all that upset about it and said she really doesn't care. Howard still explained to Beth that it just wasn't true and he wants people to know that. Beth said that nothing will break up their love, not even a story like that in the paper.
Linda Lopez was also on the phone. Chris Booker was at the club with Howard and Linda dates him so she was calling in to talk about it. Howard spoke to her for a couple of minutes. She said that Booker told her that Howard was only there for about 25 minutes and then he left. Someone mentioned that Booker is a full time correspondent on Entertainment Tonight now. Stuttering John came in and said that they did this lame ''Friends'' opening with the cast of Entertainment Tonight and Booker appears in it. They talked about how lame that is for a minute. Howard spent another minute with Linda and then got off the phone.
Howard continued to talk about the story in the paper and took some more phone calls about it. A woman called in and said she agrees with him and he should be upset about it. Howard ended up asking her what she was wearing and if she's ever tried anal. She said she has but she needs a lot of lube back there. She got back to Howard's problem and talked about that for a short time. After hearing this woman talk for a short time Howard said she sounds really hot. Adam said she sounds too hot. Howard wanted her to send over a picture so they could see how hot she was. She said she'd send one. She also told Howard she dances at a club in Ohio. Howard asked her a few more questions about her height, weight and breast size. She said she's 5'7'' and weighs about 115 pounds. She told the guys that she has 34-D breasts and guys really like her nipples. She told Howard that she has a boyfriend but she likes women too. She called herself ''bi-curious.'' Howard spent a few more minutes talking to her and eventually asked her to come down to see if she could get a job at Scores. She said she'd love to come in and be evaluated by Howard too. Howard said they'd fly her in because the drive would be too long. He joked that tomorrow in the paper it'll say ''Stern Flies in Stripper From Cincinnati.''
Howard took a couple more calls from people how wanted to comment on his night out. After that he had to take another break.
Howard played some voice mail messages they've gotten lately. John the Stutterer called in and couldn't get out that he'd like to sit in during the news. It took him forever to get it out and they couldn't even understand what he was talking about. He eventually ran out of time and had to call back. When he called back he was talking about how much he liked ''Lord of the Anal Rings.'' Once again it took him forever to get that out. Fred did his impression of John after Howard played the messages.
Howard got a call from a guy who said the local WB affiliate was going to run a story about him on their morning news program. Howard asked Robin if she understood why he was upset about that story he talked about earlier. Now a TV news program is going to report the same false story. Howard said he was distraught over the whole thing.
Howard said yesterday he was kind of rude to the phone callers yesterday. He got some angry voice mail about that and played it. One woman talked about how f'n rude Howard is when he takes calls. He also got more voice mail from this woman who calls in very often. Howard and Artie always goof on the way she talks. The woman saw pictures of Howard in the National Enquirer and bitched about his legs that look like they're shaved. Howard said he doesn't have to shave his legs though.
A listener called in and asked about Richard Belzer and whether or not people hated him being on. Howard said he got some e-mail about that so he got his pile of e-mail out and read through some of it. Howard said some people don't miss Artie this week. He said about 80 percent miss him while 20 percent don't. Howard read through some of the negative ones. Someone complained about Howard blowing off all of his friend and refuses to do other TV shows. Then he complains when stars get big and don't do his show. Howard had a bunch of other e-mail that he went through. He got one from someone who told him they were glad he denounced cock fighting on the show the other day. Howard wasn't sure he did that but Robin reminded him that he talked about how wrong it seems when humans watch chickens fighting. Howard spent a minute on that and then quickly mentioned that he's still planning on having his dog race Artie when the weather gets nicer. Howard finally got to the Belzer e-mail. He went through those and people were really angry about some of the comments Belzer made about going to war. Robin asked Howard if he saw Susan Sarandon's anti-war message before the State of the Union address last night. Howard said he didn't see it but went off on her anyway. He said he can't take someone like her seriously. He said she has those big cans and doesn't wear a bra so he can't take her seriously. There were some positive e-mails about Belzer's appearance. Howard went through a bunch of those also. Howard had some e-mail about High Pitch Erik because he was on E! last night going on a date with Nikki Ziering.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and complained about these stars who say we shouldn't go to war. She went off on that subject for a minute while Fred played the crow cawing sound effect in the background.
Howard took another call about Susan Sarandon and ended up calling her a ''Cun'' since he couldn't use the C-word. He tried to say the word without saying it. He called her a ''Cuuut'' and ''Coun...try'' among other words. He also went off on Ben and Jerry who are also anti-war a little bit. The caller also told Howard that they just ran his story on the local news station. Howard called the woman who covered that story a ''Cun'' also. He had the audio clips from that news program so he played them and said it was the dumbest thing. Howard said the chick doing the report was kind of hot. He still couldn't believe that they're telling this story that's just wrong.
Cabbie called in and said that we're going to war in February. He said one of his buddies called him and said that's when it will happen. Howard said he doesn't know why we need to go to war because they're so unsophisticated over there. The guys ended up talking about how President Bush wants to get behind the automakers and push them to develop hydrogen powered cars. Robin seems to think that the vehicles would run on water. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Cabbie and then took a call from Riley Martin the alien abductee. Riley told Howard that there will be a lot of UFO activity soon because the aliens want to check out some of our new technology. He said they will be flying around Iraq to see what we're using. He also said there will be some activity out in the Nevada area so when Howard is out there he may see something. Adam asked why the aliens don't just come down and help us out with the problems we have. He said that they're not allowed to do stuff like that. Howard said they must have a prime directive like they do on Star Trek. Riley said he could call it what he wants to. Howard had to move on so he let Riley get in a plug for his web site TheComingOfTan.com where he sells his book of the same name.
Howard then told Kathy about the story he told earlier in the morning and how lame it was. Howard spent a few more minutes discussing that story and how he really doesn't do that kind of stuff when he's off the air. Adam made a crack about Howard not doing his show so Kathy came up with a story about him that Howard might like to hear. She described this night out with Adam and a bunch of other guys. She said she thinks Adam was probably intoxicated that night and they were in this tricked out bus. She said this woman came on the bus who didn't look like she should be there. Kathy asked Adam who it was and where his wife was. Adam apparently told her to be quiet about that. The woman told Kathy she was supposed to go to San Diego with them. Kathy said the woman's boyfriend then came on the bus and asked what was going on. Kathy said she got the impression that Adam was cheating on his wife or something. Howard asked Adam if he got some oral in the back of the bus or anything. Adam joked that he got oral and then kicked her off the bus. Adam and Howard spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard wondered what happened to Kathy on the American Music Awards. She said that Ryan Seacrest ripped open her shirt and exposed her bra that night. She described what happened that night. She said that Ryan was wondering if she was going to f-him and goof on him on air. She said he was freaking out asking people if they knew what she was going to do. She said he was also telling her that he was supposed to do stuff that he wasn't actually told to do by the producers of the show. Kathy said they eventually agreed on what they were going to do. She said Ryan demanded to go out first so she let him. Kathy said he could do whatever he wanted to do. Kathy said they eventually went out and Ryan walked to the wrong place. He blamed it on her even though he went out first. Ryan joked that he got some mail about how people wanted to see her breasts. She said he freaked out and ripped open her shirt all of a sudden. She said it was live TV and it wasn't planned. She didn't think it was very funny but Howard got a laugh out of it. He said it wasn't right but it was kind of funny that it happened to her. Kathy said she got pissed and joked about how Ryan has never touched a woman before. Kathy said that they gave the award to Nelly who won and he asked her if she was okay after that. She said he was her knight in shining band aid.
Howard gave Kathy a plug for ''Celebrity Mole'' which airs tonight on ABC. He also said he was going to get to the Stephen Baldwin discussion after taking some phone calls. Howard didn't get to the calls though. He started talking about what happened between the two of them during the shooting of ''Celebrity Mole.'' Howard said he was going to let the two of them in the studio and they were going to shackle him up so he couldn't touch her. Kathy said she would rather do it behind his back though. Howard said he was surprised that she backed down and didn't want to confront him. She told Howard why she didn't want to do it and what happened when they were shooting ''Celebrity Mole.'' She said he choked her in a joking way but it really hurt. She ended up stabbing him in the hand with a pen.
Howard took some phone calls and gave Kathy another plug for her appearances at The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles through the month of February. Some people called in to comment on the whole thing. Howard also talked about Stephen and what his problem might be with women. Howard said that Kathy went to Afghanistan to entertain the troops and she wasn't afraid to do that but she's afraid of Stephen Baldwin. She said she loved doing that and it was really interesting. Howard and Kathy spent a few minutes talking about that. Kathy told Howard about some of the other celebrities who were there with her. She bad mouthed a couple of them calling them D-list celebrities. She really seems to like goofing on model Frederique. She has nothing good to say about her. She said that Frederique was constantly talking about reading the NY Times like it was a big deal.
Howard took some more phone calls for Kathy and talked to her about these great parties she throws. She told Howard about some of the stuff that's gone on at those parties. Adam said that he was at one of her parties and Melanie Goode, who was in Howard's movie ''Private Parts'', wanted to take him home with her. He made a joke about banging comedian Margaret Cho in Kathy's bathroom. That led to Kathy talking about how everything good happens in that bathroom. She said that Andy Dick was in there with someone doing something. Howard wondered what Andy's deal was as far as his sexuality. Kathy wrapped it up nicely telling Howard that Andy tells her that he likes the softness of a woman but when he's with one, he desires a man. That led to Kathy talking about her gay friends and her gay assistants that she's had over the years. She said she always loses them to musicals. She lost one to a cruise ship because he wanted to perform as a backup singer for Bea Arthur. A short time later KC came in to do something in the studio and Kathy said he could never be her assistant. Adam told her that he had one thing going for him though, he's gay. Howard took a break a short time later.
Howard said he still can't believe that he lost half his money in that divorce. That led to all of the guys talking about divorce and losing half of their money. Gary said that it really hit home when Howard said that he gave away his future in the divorce. That money was for his retirement. Gary also said he still hears Howard mumbling under his breath that he can't believe he lost half his money. Stuttering John said that Howard must have lost a lot of money. He thought that if he lost half of his money it wouldn't effect him as much as it effected Howard. Gary told him he was nuts and it would effect him even more than Howard. Howard told John that he's going to miss that money when his wife takes it from him. Howard said most guys slack off on the weekends and don't work. John goes out and works on weekends so he's going to miss that money even more if his wife takes half of that.
During that discussion Howard took a call from a guy who has been calling in over the past couple of months complaining that he hasn't gotten a prize he won on the show. Stuttering John came in and told Howard that this guy said he didn't even want the prize a couple weeks ago when he called in. The guy on the phone said he was just kidding when he said that. John and Gary both said that they were looking into what happened to his prize but the guy didn't believe them. He won a cruise on the show recently and this time of year isn't a good time for going on one anyway. Gary and John told Howard that this guy is the guy who wrote the unauthorized biography about him. When Howard heard that he hung up on the guy and said he didn't care what happened with his prize. Adam suggested putting that guy in a dinghy with those kids who disappeared out in the Long Island sound. Howard suggested just throwing him in the water. That led to the guys talking about that story and the latest news about the 911 operator who screwed up and didn't send out any rescue crews to help them.
Howard took another call from a guy who had a divorce story to tell. He told Howard that he had to give up more than 50 percent of his stuff. He said she got the house, the new car and his retirement money from the company he used to work for. Howard and the guys talked about how wrong it is that these women get so much money when they don't work to make that money. Howard suggested that young people who are thinking of getting married should be warned about what can happen if they get divorced.
Stuttering John is under the impression that his wife won't rip him off and take half his money if they ever get divorced. Gary told him that right now she's in this ''cult of John'' and if she ever leaves him she'll be in the cult of friends and lawyers who will tell her to take half. John said if he had asked her to sign a pre-nup in the beginning, she would have thought he was nuts. He told Howard a story about this guy he knows who wanted his fiancee to sign a pre-nup but she refused. He married her anyway and he has tons of money. Howard couldn't understand why anyone would do that.
Howard asked John why he doesn't ask his wife to sign a pre-nup now if he thinks she's not interested in his money. John just laughed and told John to call her for him.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some people bring up divorce horror stories. They brought up the fact that men have created these laws that favor women. Howard said that men are jerks. He took a call from Dominic Barbara who said that the guys who really get screwed are the guys who make under $100,000. He said people who make millions usually make out better and don't have to pay as much as the other people. Howard ended up getting sick of Dominic and hung up on him.
Stuttering John was trying to make a point about something and said that Howard plays the $10 blackjack tables when he gambles. Howard interrupted him and said he plays more than that and he doesn't know what he's talking about. He kicked John out of the studio and got pissed. Gary said when Howard first got divorced he thought he was losing so much money that he didn't think he'd be able to live on what he had left. Howard said it was never that bad though.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that what Howard was trying to say is that if you're stupid enough to get married, you should have to pay. He also said that Howard and Alison needed to get married back when they got married. Howard said he wasn't really even talking about his own marriage and divorce. He wants other people to know what can happen.
Howard ended that discussion and had Robin start her news. Before she got out her first story Howard said he wanted to bring something up. He said there's a trial going on out in New Jersey and the defense lawyer for this guy who allegedly killed his girlfriend's boyfriend, said that he didn't want any Howard Stern fans to be in the jury. His reasoning was that anyone who is a fan of a sexist and racist person like Howard Stern shouldn't be allowed to judge his client. Luckily the judge denied that request and allowed Stern fans in the jury. Howard spent a short time talking about that and then had Robin get to her news.
Howard said Gary made multiple calls to this woman Jeannette Walls who wrote a fake story about him being at a club trying to pick up women with Carson Daly recently. Howard spent most of the show yesterday talking about it and complaining about it. Howard said the author of the article refused to come on the show to talk with Howard about it. Gary said he figured the whole thing out and said that Club Rehab must be feeding these people the stories. Howard said he'll never go back to that club. Howard goofed on Jeannette Walls a little bit and said that she's not a real journalist because she works for MSNBC.com. Howard said even though Beth was cool with the whole situation yesterday, she still needed to talk about it with him. Howard said that's the end of the whole thing and that's an example of media accuracy for you. Howard said he heard a rumor that this Jeannette Walls was arrested for bestiality once. Howard said it was just a rumor he heard though. He was joking of course. Artie said they should call her up and tell her a bunch of phony stories to see what she'll print. He said they could tell her that Elvis was in to visit or something like that.
Howard moved on to other stuff and talked about one of the three finalists in ''Joe Millionaire'' is in some bondage and foot fetish videos. Howard said he likes that kinds of stuff but Gary said he doesn't get it. Howard and the guys talked about some of the women on the show and how strange they are. Robin said that the woman's excuse for doing them was that she needed money when she was in law school. Howard said she's been in movies like ''Novices in Knots,'' ''Hog Tied,'' and ''Helpless Heroins.'' Howard said she also plays Cindy Shubert in some foot fetish videos. Howard said the web site TheSmokingGun.com which is apparently run by the Court TV people reported this stuff. Gary told Howard they haven't been all that nice to them either. Howard said now that he knows who runs that web site he's going to take pictures of the owner and post them on his own site. Howard talked about ''Joe Millionaire'' for a couple more minutes. He also brought up ''The Bachelorette.'' He said Trista is really hot but she's also really annoying. He said she really thinks she's a big star now. He said she comes off real phony too. The guys brought Trista home to meet their parents and it was really lame. Howard wondered if those guys are 16 years old or something. He wondered why they would have to bring her home to get their mother's opinions on Trista. John came in and told Howard which guy she eliminated and he knew that would be the one. He hadn't seen the end of the show because he gets advance copies of it without the endings included.
Howard said they'll be playing Win Fred's Money later in the morning. James Brown will be in with Janie the Cleaning Lady to interpret for him. Yucko the Clown is coming in to sit in for the news and Nick Ferguson from the NY Jets will also be in. Howard took a break after telling us about the guests.
After the break Howard brought up The Bachelorette again. He said she'll never marry any of the guys on that show. She'll be waiting for someone like Brad Pitt to come after her now that she's a big star.
Howard said this actor Michael Madsen has written a bunch of poems for a book and he mentions Howard in them. Howard read through some of them but to Robin they didn't sound like poems. She said they sounded like random thoughts. Howard said it's beyond him why anyone would read poetry but he gave Madsen a plug for his book ''A Blessing of the Hounds.'' Howard and the guys talked about poetry for a short time after that. Robin said that if it's good poetry he'd understand it. They mentioned the guy on ''The Bachelorette'' who wrote poetry for Trista. Howard said he thinks Charlie will be Trista's final pick. Robin said she doesn't think that's right though. She thinks it'll be someone else.
Artie talked about his bets on the Super Bowl for a little while. He said that he's earned quite a bit of money doing stand-up comedy and he bet that. Howard said if he made money doing that he'd take the money and put it in the bank. He told Artie he's already won if he gets paid that kind of money for doing a half hour of stand-up comedy. Artie talked about being out in Las Vegas and how Dana asked him if they were going to get a chance to see the white tigers out there. Artie said he told her ''Only if they're at the craps table.'' Gary broke down the other bets that Artie had with them on the Super Bowl. Artie told the guys that his room and stuff like that was comped out in Vegas. He said the room he had at the Sun Coast hotel casino was the nicest room he's ever been in. Stuttering John told Howard that Artie told Jason their computer guy to bet the under on the Super Bowl so Jason bet the over and won.
KC came in with a list of questions that would let Artie know if he has a gambling problem. Artie answered ''yes'' to every question he asked. Robin said that this is the first test Artie is going to get 100 percent on. The guys were goofing on Artie's gambling troubles. KC then broke down the score of the test he just gave and it turns out Artie has ''lost control'' and has a gambling problem. Ralph called in and said he took Artie's Super Bowl suggestions and did the opposite of what he told him to do and won a ton of money. Artie said Ralph called him over the weekend and started talking about how great Tampa Bay's uniforms are and how he thought they were going to win. Artie said that he can't believe a guy who picks a team because of their uniforms actually wins two grand.
Howard changed subjects and said starting this Saturday in New York City everyone has to dial the area code as well as the phone number even if they're in the same area code. Howard and the guys tried to figure out why they'd need to do that but they weren't really sure. Howard said he finds it highly annoying. Ralph called in and said he knew the reason for it. He said he heard that they're doing it to make it fair for everyone in the city so they all have to dial the same number of digits. Howard thought that was kind of stupid. Everyone agreed that it was stupid.
Gary asked Howard if he saw ''American Idol'' last night because it was great. Howard didn't see it but he had some clips from the show. Howard said that Gary didn't watch the show all last season and he's just now jumping on the bandwagon. Gary said when you watch that show you start to think that every black man in the country is gay. Howard and Gary spent a minute on that but he had to take another break.
Howard changed subjects and told Robin that he's been sitting there sticking his hand down his pants and then sniffing his hand. He said there's a faint smell coming from his hand too. He then told the guys about how he ripped a fart last night in bed with Beth and she told him that it smelled like something had died in there.
Howard told Artie that the ''I saw you'' woman called in and left a bunch of messages that he missed. Howard replayed the calls for Artie and goofed on the woman for a short time. Since the woman mentioned that Howard was in the National Enquirer looking like he shaves his legs, Howard talked about that for a minute. Howard said he doesn't shave his legs and the camera must have not picked up the hair on his legs. Howard played the rest of the messages from that woman and said he'd like to strangle her after hearing her talk. Artie said she probably looks like Danny Devito in Batman 2. Howard played some other voice mail messages he's gotten lately. One guy called in and complained about the people who stand in front of the Today Show window to wave. Howard agreed that it's ridiculous that people do it.
Howard said he had tape of James Garner talking about Howard on some show. Garner went off on Howard about his New Year's Rotten Eve special. He played that and then said Gary Garver went and interviewed him at some golf event. Garver called him ''Gardner'' to start off. He then asked Garner a couple of questions and pissed him off. Garver asked him if he still had solid bowel movements and that drove him over the edge. Garner said he was going to pop him in the mouth if he didn't stop. He knew he was from the Stern show and told him he wasn't in the mood and told him to get away from him.
Robin mentioned the Carmen Electra video Howard watched yesterday. Howard told Artie about what he missed and explained the video to Artie. He had a copy of the horrible song that Carmen was singing in the video so he wanted to play that for Artie. He said he couldn't get back into the iFilm.com web site yesterday after he mentioned it. The guys couldn't find the CD so Howard decided to play a Mark Harris song he got. Howard said Mark is now commenting on the news but he does it in song form. Mark sang about Michael Jackson to the tune of Hallelujah. Howard said he's got a bunch of different news stories he sings about and the guy is totally wacked out of his mind. Howard played another song that Mark sings about Barbra Streissand. He calls her a moron and sings about her political views. Howard also played Mark's song about Liza Minelli and another one about Michael Jackson. Howard thought he was done but KC told him to keep playing it because Mark sings more about Michael Jackson. Howard let it play out a little longer. Howard didn't know why he let it go on though because it was horrible. KC told Howard that Mark thinks it's going to be big in China for some reason.
Howard told Artie about the Carmen Electra video and took a call from a guy who knew where the video came from. It came out about 8 years ago and it was on a Playboy produced video. Howard played the awful song for Artie and said if he was in the recording session with her, he'd probably tell her the song was great. KC told Howard that the E! guys had it up and ready to play for Artie. Howard said when you see the video it makes the song seem good. There are naked chicks and Carmen is in bra and panties in the video.
Howard had a bunch of tape to get rid of so he quickly went through some of it. Joey Boots made a call to the Pat Buchannan show and mentioned Howard's name. He said he'd played it before but Robin didn't remember it. Joey told Pat that it was Jackie Martling doing all of the sniper shootings in the Maryland area.
Howard played the bit that Kidd Chris (KiddShow.com) put together of this guy who sang ''Like a Virgin'' in the ''American Idol'' auditions. Howard goofed on the guy after playing the clip. Howard then played another one of the ''American Idol'' things Kidd Chris put music to. This one was a guy singing ''My Girl'' very poorly. Howard talked about how big ''American Idol'' is now. He said he can't bring himself to watch the new ''Star Search'' though. He said that's horrible. Howard wondered how Carol Leifer ended up on that show and wondered where they dug her up. Howard said she wants to come in so he's going to let her.
Howard took a few phone calls and one guy asked him if he had any of those ''Onion Radio News'' bits to play. Howard said he has a ton of them so he'd play one for the guy. In this one they do a phony report on a guy who noticed the age of consent laws differ around the country. Howard had another one that he played recently but the delay button dude hit the button on it. Howard said he checked with Tom and he said it was okay to play. In that one they do a phony report about a guy who realized that telling someone he was taking a dump while he was on the phone with them. Howard said he's done that while on the phone with women. He said he tells them that he's ''fixing'' the toilet.
Howard said he had a bunch of clips from ''American Idol'' so he picked a couple and played them. One clip was an angry black guy who freaked out when the judges told him how bad he was at singing. Howard played another one of someone singing horribly during the ''American Idol'' auditions. After listening to that Howard said there are a lot of weird people out there.
Howard said he had tape of their ex-intern Steve Grillo appearing on the John Edwards show. Howard said he hates guys like that and doesn't believe that anyone can speak to the dead. He said we just don't have that ability. Howard interrupted that discussion and mentioned that OJ Simpson's daughter Sidney called 911 last night and screamed about her father yelling at her. Howard pulled out an article about it and read it. Howard said it's really sad because the kid is kind of chubby. Howard read that she told her father that he's a loser when she called 911. The article said that the cops found Sidney locked in her bedroom and calmed her down when they got there. Howard said he can't wait for OJ to kill his daughter. That way they'll have another trial and maybe find him guilty this time.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he's going to do his own version of ''American Idol.'' Howard said he did something like that back in 1980. He said he had a few record company guys judging singers on his radio show. He never put it on TV though. Howard said he always has ideas for shows but when he goes to TV guys they think they're too out there but when other people go there with the same ideas, they put them on. Artie mentioned the fact that he saw the promo for the new ''Am I Hot'' show that's going to air on ABC. Howard said that was a direct rip off from his evaluation shows. Howard had to take another break after that. He said they have a guy who goes to MIT who will be competing against Fred in ''Win Fred's Money.''
This guy Dr. Fronie Crawford came in to play against Fred in ''Win Fred's Money.'' Howard spent a short time talking about the guy's unusual name. Fronie said it's short for Fronfield. He said he's got a physicist so Howard said the guy must be pretty smart. Artie said if Fred loses to anyone, it'll be to a guy named Fronfield. Fronie said that he teaches college physics at this time. Howard asked him if he bangs any of his students. Fronie said that's frowned upon and he doesn't do that. Howard asked the guy if he named his kid Fronfield too. Fronie said his wife preferred Cameron but he would have liked to have had another Fronfield. Howard asked Fronie if there was any cool news coming down the line in the world of science. He said they just discovered a new asteroid circling the sun but that's not his line of work. Howard asked him if there will be any x-ray specs or anything like that. Of course there won't be. Howard went through Fronie's career and asked him what he's good for. He explained to Howard some of the stuff he studies and stuff like that.
Howard sent Fred into Robin's booth so he wouldn't be able to hear the questions he was going to ask. Once he was set Fronie had one minute to answer the following seven questions. If he and Fred tied on the number of questions, their final time would determine the winner. Here are the questions and their correct answers:
Howard noticed that the zit on Artie's nose has been there for a couple of months. Artie said he's kind of worried about it and he's going to the doctor to get it checked out. Artie said the makeup woman on the movie he was working on was surprised at how bad it looked. Stuttering John came in and said they logged the zit and said he's had it since August of last year. Howard had to take another break before James Brown came in.
Howard gave Brown a couple of plugs for some gigs he has coming up at BB Kings in New York and at The House of Blues and a couple of other places. Howard asked him what he thinks about Eminem and how he's ripping off the Black man. James rambled off something that Howard didn't understand so he tried to get Janie to interpret for him. She told Howard what he said but it still didn't make much sense.
Howard talked to Brown about a bunch of different things and Janie had to interpret just a few of the things he said. He was more understandable that usual. Janie helped Mr. Brown explain a few things though. Brown told Howard about how his right to vote was taken away from him after he was arrested.
Howard said there was something that he didnt' know about Mr. Brown. When he was born he was stillborn. James said his great aunt took him and laid him on the side. His other aunt came over and blew some air in his lungs and revived him.
Janie and Howard continued to talk to Mr. Brown for a while. He spoke to him about his new wife and family. Mr. Brown just found out that Howard was divorced. He didn't know about that. Howard played some more of Brown's songs and gave him some plugs for his new album. He also played one of his new songs called ''Motivation.'' Howard told him that he's still got it. He also said he's going to sing that song to his penis. He wrapped up the segment after that and gave Brown a few more plugs for his appearances and album.
Cane said that Julian was afraid to come in because he was very intimidated by Howard. He said he's been listening to Howard all his life. Howard continued to ask Julian and Cane about hanging out. Julian called Cane a star f-er so the delay had to be hit. Howard thought that Cane had a lot of celebrity friends but Cane said that's not true.
Howard played one of The Strokes songs even though Julian told him their music sucks. Howard asked him how many albums they've sold. He said it was about 800,000. Howard continued to ask them about their night out for a few minutes. He wanted to take a breathalyzer test on the two of them. Gary thought he had one there but he wasn't able to find it.
Howard said when he was starting out in radio the DJs never got to hang out with the rock stars. These days they do. Julian told Howard that the clown (Yucko) was freaking him out sitting there. Robin told him there was no clown there. Howard pointed out that Nick Ferguson of the NY Jets was also sitting in the studio.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Nick about the Jets losing to the Raiders. Yucko (DamnShow.com) said he'd like to have what Julian was having in the middle of that discussion. Howard took a call from a woman who said it sounded like Julian took about six Xanax. Howard got back to Nick and spent a little more time talking to him. He also talked to Julian about his father who started the Elite Modeling Agency years ago. Howard thought it would be pretty cool to have a father like that. Julian said it was kind of cool but not for his mom.
Howard talked about James Brown's entourage and how they were taking pictures with a Polaroid when they were leaving. He said they were also calling him Mr. Howard and Robin was Miss Robin. Howard joked that they were calling Yucko Mr. Yucko. Yucko said ''That's Massa' Yucko.'' Yucko was freaking Julian out the whole time he was sitting there.
Howard took a call from Vinnie Favale from CBS. He asked Julian if he's ever heard from Tom Petty about his song which is a rip off of his ''American Girl'' song. Julian admitted he ripped off the rhythm, but Vinnie said it was the whole song. Howard eventually hung up on Vinnie after he asked Julian if he's going to give Petty royalties from the song.
Howard took a few more phone calls and let some people yell at Julian. One caller asked Cane when he's going to play Gary in ''Stump the Booey.'' Cane said he'll do it anytime he wants. Gary said he'd like to do it right then because Cane was wasted. They'll set that up for when he's sober though. Howard started to wrap up the segment and Julian said that Yucko was still freaking him out. He said he was scary.
After taking a break Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Nick Ferguson. He said it's too bad the Jets didn't get to the Super Bowl. He said he was surprised how high the ratings were for that game. Yucko the Clown (DamnShow.com) was also hanging around. Nick said that Yucko looks like that Emperor dude in the Star Wars series movies. He said he looks and sounds like him. Artie joked and said that he thought he looked more like Harrison Ford. Yucko came back with ''Yeah, I get that all the time Artie... you greasy goomba, dago, wap.'' Artie said he was on Yucko's side though.
Nick told Howard that he's thinking about getting married so Howard tried to talk him out of it. He told Nick when he gets divorced in 5 years, he'll lose half of his money. Gary also came in to give him some advice. He said guys like him in the NFL are making a couple hundred thousand a year and he's probably got a few more years left in the league. The guys ended up trying to guess what kind of vehicle he drives. They were guessing Mercedes, Cadillac and other stereotypical stuff. Yucko threw in ''FUBU, Popeyes'' and honked his horn for some odd reason. Nick told them that he drives a Chevy Tahoe. Howard thought that was pretty nice. He said Nick must see NFL guys wasting money all the time. Nick said he does see some guys wasting money but there are other guys who have sponsors who pay for stuff. Howard asked him if he has a big house and when Nick said ''no'' Yucko asked ''Crack house?'' and honked his horn again. Howard gave Yucko a plug for some appearances he's making this weekend. He'll be at the Dancing Monkey in Lyndhurst, NJ on Friday and Saturday and at the Millennium Comedy Club in Clementon, NJ on Sunday. Howard had Robin do her news after that.
After the break Howard brought up a story about Playboy magazine and how Hugh Hefner hired a guy who used to work for Maxim to bring new life to the magazine. Howard said that the new guy wants more naked celebrity chicks in there. He read that Carnie Wilson was going to be paid big bucks to be naked but this new guy decided not to run them. Howard said he'd be interested in seeing that. Howard said they're going to put Carmen Electra in and he wants to get Christina Aguilera to pose nude. Howard said he likes what he's hearing about them now. Gary said that's kind of an insult to Carnie Wilson if they're saying they're not going to run her pictures.
Howard said Gary gave him a CD to play but it wasn't really a Mystery Record. He said he wanted Howard to try and guess who it was. Howard played a short clip of it and said he told Gary it sounded like Sheryl Crow. Howard listened to a little more and tried to figure out who it was. It turned out to be Lisa Marie Presley. Howard said he liked her voice but not the song she was singing. Howard played a little more of it and then said he was looking at her picture on the cover of the CD. Gary said he saw video of her and she has become Elvis. He said her lip curls up and everything. Howard watched some of the video and Robin agreed with Gary and said she does look like Elvis. Howard said he was looking at her breasts and didn't see it. He had to watch it again. Robin was wondering what took so long for Lisa Marie to put the album out. Gary seems to think that she'll come in to promote it eventually. Howard said he met her one time and spoke to her. He said she was nice to him at that time. Howard took some phone calls and some people said the song wasn't all that great. Robin wanted to hear more of the album. Howard played another track and critiqued it along with the other guys. Howard said it wasn't horrible but it wasn't that great either. Robin said ''it took her 30 years to put out an album, why isn't it better?'' Howard played another track after that and the guys talked about how deep her voice is for a chick. After that they spent some time talking about her marriage to Michael Jackson and some of the other wacky stuff she's done.
Howard changed subjects and said they got a new batch of interns there and one of them looks like Matt LeBlanc from ''Friends.'' Howard said the guy goes out to bars and tells chicks that he's Matt's brother Brian to pick them up. Howard had him come in so he could talk about that. Howard asked him if that has worked for him. The intern said that he goes to nudie bars and does it to get free lap dances. He's never worked that into getting laid though. Howard told him he should get Photoshop and a picture of Matt LeBlanc and make it look like they're really brothers. ''Brian'' said that he was out with his girlfriend one time and one of the strippers passed by and said ''hi'' to him. He had to explain to his girlfriend who she was and what he does. He said she wondered why he lies about everything. He said he had a lot of explaining to do because he's gotten in trouble for lying in the past. Howard joked that he's pretended to be Joey Ramone's brother. He also knew a guy who worked for them that used to pretend to be Dan Rather's son. The intern ended up talking about how he's been in college for 8 years now. Howard and the guys ended up goofing on him about that a little bit. He said he's been a senior for a long time in college. He told the guys that this is it for college and he's going out after his internship. Howard said he can't believe he did this for 8 years. He wondered why his parents put up with that for so long. Howard wrapped up the segment with ''Brian'' but continued to goof on him for still being in college.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he sold cocaine to this chick Jeannette Walls who wrote the article with untrue stories about Howard and Carson Daly competing for women the other night. Howard said it must be true so he'll print a story about it. Howard said the guy said it so it must be true. Howard went off on her for a minute and then took another phone call. A listener asked if Howard would have Jackie on as a guest. Howard said he would and it would be funny because they'd goof on him. Howard said he'd ask him why he left the show. Howard and the guys ended up goofing on Jackie for a couple of minutes. Fred was doing his impression as Howard asked him questions. Another caller said that Jackie was in High Times magazine last month. That's what he's up to these days.
A caller asked Howard why his daughter Ashley has been calling Z100 begging for tickets lately. Howard told the guy that the station is making a joke and she's not actually calling them.
Another caller said that he also sold coke to that reporter chick. Howard said it sounds like she must have a problem. Howard took another call from a guy who wondered who the music star was that Howard thought was going to come out of the closet was. Howard said that person still hasn't come out yet. He said he got it from a good source and it doesn't appear she's going to be coming out anytime soon. Howard gave a quick rundown of what they had coming up today and then took a break.
After the break Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that Howard should be doing a show like American Idol himself. Howard said he has something in the works that will be on TV and it has an unusual twist to it. He didn't give much more than that. Robin said that American Idol really is good this season. Howard played a clip from the show and talked about that for a minute.
Howard said there's a new Howard Stern Cribs on the E! show tonight. They go to the Perfect 10 mansion in one and to Melrose Larry Green's in another. Robin Radzinski came in and said that those are bonus segments after the Caroline the Hot Coed's new implants airs. Howard described Melrose's apartment and how dirty it was. Melrose called in and Howard goofed on him about what an ass he is. He asked him what kind of Jewish guy lives like that. Howard said he wasn't even making a joke. Melrose said his parents were very neat and that's one of the reasons he lives that way. Howard told him he was an embarrassment to his people. Melrose said he's thrilled about the segment airing. Howard said it will freak people out when they see the mess. Melrose said he had the Susan Sarandon TV commercial that ran before the President's speech the other night. Howard listened to that and then went off on Sarandon for a short time.
Howard told Lezley she was really cute and wondered why she was in porn. She explained why she got into it. She told Howard that anyone can do porn. She told Howard that as long as they're semi-attractive, they can get into it. Lezley told Howard she grew up in South Carolina in a broken home. Howard said that explains the whole thing. She went on to tell Howard about her first lesbian experience at 13 years old. She described that to Howard a little bit. She also said she likes guys and likes to ''suck a mean one.'' Howard wondered if Lezley has ever taken money for sex. She said she's been offered a lot of money for that but she doesn't do it. She said doing porn is kind of artistic because she's being filmed doing it. She went on to tell Howard that she hasn't been in porn for just a short time. She claims that she makes about $17,000 a month doing it so she doesn't have to strip at any clubs or anything like that. She told Howard she has a boyfriend and she will bring home some chicks once in a while and he can join in. She said that he just got into porn himself. She said she'll probably marry that guy. Howard asked her if she's into anal. She said she's not because it hurts too much. She also said she hasn't banged any black dudes yet. She said that her family might be offended by that because she grew up down south. She said her parents don't even know that she's in porn.
Howard read that she had sex with over 100 men and 40 women before she got into porn. She's been around the block. Lezley told Howard that she has two kids, 8 and 5, which surprised him. He said she's quite a MILF (Mother I'd Like to F). She went on to talk about growing up in an abusive family. She said her step father did stuff that wasn't ''fatherly'' in her book.
Lezley took off her top and showed Howard her breasts. He said they were good implants. He had her show him her ass too. Howard thought that was nice too.
Howard took a call from a lesbian who said this chick was just too hot. Howard told the woman that they have set up a lesbian dial-a-date with porn star Tabitha Stevens and she should call in and try to get set up for that. Gary told Howard that Tabitha has agreed to do everything with the winner. Lezley said she'd like to get in on that too.
Gary asked Lezley if she's ever had an orgasm with a guy she's done a porn with. She said she did one time when this guy was licking her after having sex with her. She said she does have them with other women so the guys said she must be a lesbian. She also told Howard that she has a hot babysitter working for her.
Lezley told Howard that she loves to give her boyfriend oral sex so much that she wakes him up in the morning and wants to do it. She spent a little while talking about that and then told Howard that a friend of hers wanted her to say hi to him. Savanna the stripper and her get it on. She said she spends a lot of time with her when she's in town. She told Howard that they've messed around in a cab and Savanna actually had an orgasm in the cab. Lezley told Howard that Savanna took her hand and put it down there to do her. After messing around they headed back to Savanna's apartment and continued to mess around there.
Howard got Mike Walker on the phone so they could play his game. Mike told Howard that last week they had a woman talking about lesbian sex in a cab also. Howard didn't seem to remember that and he was surprised that Mike did. Soon after that he had Mike get to his game. Mike spent a minute talking about the OJ Simpson thing where his daughter called 911 and said that her father was getting upset with her. Mike said that he's heard that OJ's daughter has even said that her father killed her mother. Howard said he'd keep his mouth shut if he was her. He'd be afraid of him killing her. Mike said he hopes the cops in Miami take this more seriously than the cops did in L.A. with Nicole. Mike and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that before getting to the game. Howard said he thinks that OJ will kill his daughter and he'd like to bet on that. He actually said he hopes that he does kill her so they get a new trial. Howard said he hopes that if OJ does go after her that she somehow manages to kill him first. Howard said she's got a lot of balls to do what she did.
Howard finally got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said that he'd be announcing the Cane and Cabbie DNA results in a little while. He said he had a bunch of things to get through. He said he asked Lezley Zen if she was ever a prostitute and she said she wasn't. Howard said their researcher, Will, went on the web and found an ad for her Escort service. Howard said she's got some explaining to do. Howard took some phone calls and one woman said there's no chance that Cane and Cabbie are brothers. Howard said they have a very strange story to tell when they come in and it's very possible that they are brothers. Howard said that would piss Cabbie off even more because he'd be considered the ugly brother. Howard brought up Patrick Swayze's brother and how he doesn't even come close to looking as good looking as his brother.
Howard had tape of Beetlejuice being searched at the airport the other day. Beet's manager Sean taped Beetlejuice talking about the guy searching him but he wasn't making much sense. Howard said he loved it.
Howard had a new Mr. Skin Minute from MrSkin.com to play. Mr. Skin knows all of the nude scenes in movies that are out. Today he told us that there isn't all that much to see. He said he had high hopes for ''The Guru'' with Heather Graham playing a porn star but she stays covered up in the movie. He said that in the movie ''Party Monsters'' this chick Chloë Sevigny shows some crack in the movie. In the movie ''Irreversible'' Monica Belluchi is naked for a full 9 minutes. Other than that there wasn't much going on.
Howard took a call from this guy who was rambling on and on about these people who give Howard bad reviews and stuff like that. Howard said the guy may have been the most boring guy on the planet. The guy eventually told Howard to ''go to hell'' and hung up on him after he was goofing on him.
Howard said he was supposed to talk to Tom Chiusano about going to Las Vegas yesterday but he fell asleep in his office for an hour and a half. He said he heard that Tom was waiting outside his office for like an hour and he eventually left. Howard said he was supposed to call Tom when he got home but he forgot about it and now he knows that Tom is upset with him.
Howard had a woman from Court TV there because they did the DNA test for them. Cathy used to work for Howard and she's now at Court TV. There was also a guy there with Cathy by the name of Evan Shapiro. They had the envelope in their hands and said they had a definitive answer for them. Howard had KC give him the envelope so he could read the results. He kept the guys in suspense for a couple of minutes. Cane said this whole thing feels weird to him. Cabbie said he thinks that they are brothers because they do fight like brothers. Howard had Evan tell them who did the testing. He said it was Orchid Gene Screen did it and they can be reached at 1-800-DNA-TEST. Howard then got to the envelope and revealed the results. Howard kept them in suspense and then told Cane to look at Cabbie. He then revealed that the two of them are not siblings. Evan explained to them how they knew they don't share a half-brother relationship. The tests show that they're not half-brothers. Howard said it does prove that there are two Elmers in Minnesota that own gas stations. Howard said Cabbie looked kind of disappointed. Cabbie said they do share a relationship even if they're not actually brothers. Howard was about to take a break but Cabbie asked if they were going to play Stump the Booey with Gary. Howard had Gary come in so they could do that quickly. Gary told Howard they should take a break first though.
Here's how the game works. Howard plays a song from the 80's. Gary and the contestant, Cane, have to write down the name of the song and the artist that performed it. They go through 5 songs and whoever gets more right, wins. If they're tied at the end of that, they play song by song until someone wins. Here are the songs they had today:
When Stephen came in Howard told him that his dog and girlfriend were there. He spent a couple of minutes talking to Stephen about what he's up to these days before getting to the Kathy Griffin story. Howard said that people always call in and complain about Stephen when he's on. Stephen interrupted that discussion and said that he and Robin have never hugged when he's been on the show. Robin didn't really have an explanation for that though. Howard got to the Kathy Griffin thing and said that she claims that he intimidated her while they were on the set of the TV show. Stephen told Howard that his dog was staring at him for some reason. After getting his attention back Howard had Stephen explain what happened between Kathy and him. Stephen told Howard about how he was picked to be on Celebrity Mole and how he was going to give all of the money he got from it to his Mother's charity. Howard was surprised that Stephen has enough money to be able to give that money away. He said that his acting career is slowing down and he's going to get out of that. He said he's got a distribution company and has directed a movie and sold a few scripts this year. He and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about all of that. Howard goofed on him a little bit too. Howard eventually got back to his interview and asked Stephen about the rumor that he just recently found Jesus again. Stephen said that wasn't true but he and his wife are religious people. Robin wondered how it was that he found Jesus though. Stephen told Howard that he was ''born again'' and even went through a ceremony for that. Howard and Robin were goofing on him a little bit about that and had some fun with him. Howard and Artie were doing some phony ''special show'' announcements about him finding Jesus and stuff like that. Stephen said he'd talk to Howard about this stuff if he wanted to do it seriously. He talked about God picking people to go to Heaven and Hell and when he said ''hell'' he looked around the room. He told Robin he'd be seeing her later (in Heaven) because she was just an innocent victim of all of that. Howard figures people who are out of control need to find Jesus to calm themselves down.
Howard took a few phone calls during the interview and let some people yell at Stephen. He then played a clip from Kathy Griffin's appearance earlier in the week. She described her side of the story and said that it was really weird the way her choked her. After the clip Howard found out that Stephen hasn't been to a strip club in over 3 years. Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to find out what was up with that. He also took a couple more phone calls and talked to Stephen about what he's plugging today. He said he's promoting a clothing line that a couple of friends of his run. He said he's partnering up with these guys who run Vampire Attire. He said that the numbers in urban hip-hop clothing are huge. He asked Howard if he knows how much Sean Jean sells but Howard interrupted him and said that he's not Sean Jean. Stephen said he's also promoting Charity Beverage company. which gives it's profits to Charity. He said the web site is at Distributorship.com. He said they have a drink called Loco Joe that they sell. Robin asked how the charity works. He said they charity will give any profits they make when a celebrity helps promote it to the celebrity's charity.
Howard plugged a couple more things for Stephen. Stephen then finished his story about Kathy Griffin. He explained to Howard what happened in more detail. Stephen said that Kathy had mouthed off to him at one point. He was rubbing her shoulders at one point and pretended to choke her. He said she flipped out and stabbed him in the hand with a pen. He said she got really serious and he wasn't sure if she was kidding or not. He said they signed a waiver when they signed up for the show so he figured he'd tell her that she'd better be careful because she can't sue the company if something happens to her. He said he was joking when he said this and told her that he might punch her in the face. Stephen said he was laughing on the inside but she took him seriously. He told Howard that he had to whisper this to her because they were on camera at the time.
Howard asked Stephen about the rest of his family and what was going on with them. Stephen kept saying ''Loco Joe'' over and over again instead of answering Howard. He eventually came around and talked about them a little bit. He said his brother Alec has some friends that he's dating but didn't mention any names.
Howard took a couple more phone calls for Stephen and, as usual, people were goofing on him. Howard wrapped it up after that and took a break before getting to Robin's news.