Howard said Summer Altice will be on the show tomorrow modeling a bunch of outfits. Howard also said that Beetlejuice will be on.
After taking a break Howard said that Robin told him about the new ''Hollywood Squares'' and how bizarre it sounds to him. Howard said that the people who appear on the show are usually on their way down in show business... but not always. He said that Ellen Degeneres is the center square and Joan Rivers has been allowed back on. Robin told Howard about some of the things that happened on the episode she saw. She said all of the questions they ask Joan are about plastic surgery. Howard said the new announcer is Jeffrey Tambor, the ''Hey now!'' guy.
Howard said there are three episodes left for his show ''Son of the Beach'' and they may be the last three. There were news reports saying that it was being canceled but now Howard is saying that they were in the process of moving it to another network. He said that the show is still the number one show on FX but they claimed that they were dropping. Howard said it may be the last chance to catch the show if it does get canned. Howard said he's not sure which episode is tonight. He said it may be ''Taco Lips Now'' or ''Jailhouse Notch.'' Howard said it will feature Lee Majors and Mark Hammil.
Howard changed subjects and talked about taking yesterday off for Yom Kippur. He said he usually doesn't go to Temple on Jewish holidays but he walked past one yesterday and felt guilty not going. He explained what the holiday was all about and the superstitions surrounding it. Howard talked about how he doesn't say he definitely doesn't believe in God just in case there is one. He does say that religion is a bunch of fairy tales though. Howard said that Jews are supposed to ''suffer'' on Yom Kippur by fasting but he doesn't want to do that. He talked about how everyone's breath stinks when they don't eat all day. He said he thinks the word ''Yom'' means bad and ''Kippur'' means breath.
Howard talked about going out to dinner on Friday night with a couple he and Beth met. He said restaurant owner Steve Hanson invited him to try out this new place he was opening called Dos Cominos. He said they let them eat for free so they could try out the new food. Howard said he had a bunch of drinks that night but he didn't get drunk. He said he couldn't get a buzz after a bunch of drinks.
Howard said they asked the couples they were out with if they wanted to go to Scores. One of the couples ran off and the other couple hung out the whole night. Artie joked that Howard has started them on a downward spiral and they'll probably be smoking crack in two weeks.
Howard said Beth got drunk that night and fell asleep. Howard needed to get laid so he ended up pleasuring himself instead. He said he went to the bathroom and pleasured himself in the dark while thinking about the night's events. He said both of them woke up at 5am and had sex 4 times that morning! That wasn't including the batch he shot off at 2am. He said he went for a run after all of that.
Howard went on to talk about going to watch some college football player, Greg Peters, play. He and a couple of his football player buddies drove up to this college which was about 2 hours outside of the city in Poughkeepsie. Howard said the students up there wondered why he was up there. Howard said he told them that he was a Marist College fan. Howard went on to talk about the game and all that went on. He said all of the chicks at the college looked so young to him. He said they all looked 12 years old. Howard said after the game he had to pee and went into a dorm to use the bathroom. He said the security was lax because he was able to just walk right in. Howard said that he didn't drink while he was at the game because he had such a hangover from the night before. He said that's not going to stop him from drinking though.
Howard mentioned that after the game the captains of the football teams held hands as they walked off the field. Howard thought that was pretty ''fruity'' but his daughter told him to get over it. Gary came in and said that it is ''fruity'' though. He said he never had to do anything like that when he played football.
Gary brought up some professional football games and talked about how badly the Jets lost and how the Giants won.
Howard said he and his kid watched ''Spy Kids'' over the weekend and it was great. He brought up the director of the movie, Robert Rodriguez, who made money for his first projects by letting his body be used for science experiments. Howard spent a short time talking about that before taking some phone calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who yelled at Gary about the football players holding hands thing. He said that they do hold hands in the NFL during certain parts of the game. The guy said that Gary always acts like he knows it all but he really doesn't. He and Gary went at each other for a few minutes before Howard ended it.
After the break Howard got back to Chaunce. He spent a short time talking about how Doug Goodstein wrote an anonymous story for Steppin' Out about his helping out at the World Trade Center disaster last year. Howard figures he made it anonymous because Chaunce titled it ''Dairy of a...'' instead of 'diary.'
Howard got back to the Jason Priestley's sister story. Howard said he read the article and she didn't say anything bad. Chaunce said after Jason's racing accident his family decided that no one was going to say anything bad about him. Chaunce said that the family had lawyers send out letters to other news outlets saying that the story was false and Chaunce never interviewed her. Howard said Chaunce tapes all of his interviews so he has proof. Chaunce said he even has pictures of her in his apartment. Chaunce was very hurt by all of this and demanded an apology. It all ended up in ''US'' magazine. Howard didn't seem to care much about this story and Chaunce said he knew that he wouldn't. Howard wondered what all of these other morning shows wanted with this story because it was such a non-story.
Howard went on to tell Chaunce that he knew it was Doug who wrote that article for the free magazine right away. Howard also brought up how Doug stole a couple rolls of film to take pictures of Ground Zero last year. Doug said he didn't pay for the film but it wasn't stealing. Howard and Robin told him that it was stealing though.
Doug was a little upset that Chaunce revealed that it was him who wrote the article even though it was supposed to be anonymous. Stuttering John came in and said that Chaunce was goofing on Doug when he called in this morning. Chaunce asked him to write the article and then apparently called in and goofed on him about it this morning.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and yelled at Chaunce about an article he was interviewed for which was about strip clubs. In the article he claims that there was drug use and sex going on in these clubs. Chaunce said that Scores was lumped in with other strip clubs so some of that stuff didn't actually happen there. Chaunce said that there was nothing bad written about Scores in the article. Ronnie was pissed at Chaunce and spent a few minutes yelling at him. He told Chaunce that he ''broke the code'' between men by talking about all of the stuff he talked about.
Chaunce said that Lonnie from Scores was probably thrilled that there was a picture of the club in the article. Ronnie said that Lonnie isn't too thrilled with him at all. Howard wanted to get Lonnie on the phone to find out what he thinks. Gary woke Lonnie up and put him on the line. Howard told Lonnie he had a great time at Scores on Friday night. He then went on to ask Lonnie what he thought of this article. Lonnie said that Chaunce definitely ''broke the gentleman's code.'' Lonnie said that Chaunce hasn't been in the club in years. Chaunce kept saying that he didn't say any of that stuff went on at Scores and what he was talking about was stuff that happened to him at various clubs. Chaunce said that the stuff he was talking about in the article happened pre-1995. Lonnie said that it doesn't say that in the article though. He and the other guys ganged up on Chaunce and argued with him for quite a while. Howard took a call from Shuli who had the article in front of him. He said that Scores is mentioned prominently in the article.
Lonnie said that Chaunce knows that he shouldn't go to the club anymore. He didn't say that he wasn't allowed in the club, but he should probably stay away. Lonnie said that he thinks Chaunce will probably screw Howard over in the same way some day. Howard and the guys continued to goof on Chaunce for quite a while before they wrapped it up. Everyone was jumping on his back so he threatened to reveal stuff about each of them. He said he had stuff on Robin that would blow everyone away. He then revealed that she hasn't visited her horses in a really long time... which everyone knew already because she talked about that a couple of months ago. That led to the guys goofing on him even more.
Howard said that Stuttering John flew down to Florida with comedian Jim Florentine who loves to screw with people. John said that the flight attendant kept coming up to him to make sure everything was okay. He didn't realize it at the time but Jim kept pushing the call button and that's why she kept coming up to him. KC then came in and said that he'll never ride in a car with Jim again because he has really nasty farts and always rolls up the windows, locks them and then turns up the heat. Howard said that Jim should keep that stuff up because it's funny stuff.
Howard had a new phony phone call that High Pitch Erik made. He called the Disney studios and tried to get a hold of Michael Eisner. Erik's voice sounds similar to Mickey Mouse so he told Eisner's assistant that he was Mickey and he demanded a raise. The assistant eventually hung up on him because he was being so belligerent.
Howard talked to Benjy about Anna Nicole Smith who he was supposed to have a date with over the weekend. Benjy told a story that didn't make much sense. Basically he said that he thinks he may have been scammed and didn't get to go out with Anna when he was supposed to.
Howard had tapes of Mike Tyson being interviewed that he has had sitting around for a while. He played those and goofed on all of the wacky things that Mike discussed. He screws up words and makes up words that don't exist. Howard and Artie did their impressions of Mike for a short time and then moved on.
Howard brought up the alleged terrorists that were mentioned during the show last Friday. Howard said that the guys were questioned and then let go. Howard said the woman who reported them was from Calhoon, Georgia. He went on to say that if you're in a place like Calhoon, Georgia, you shouldn't even stop to go to the bathroom. He said you should just keep on driving. He went on to goof on the woman for a short time. He said he saw a picture of her and she looked like Chris Farley wearing a wig.
Howard went on to congratulate the law enforcement agencies who caught the terror cell up in Buffalo over the weekend. He and Robin spent some time talking about that story and then played a game.
After the break Howard goofed around with some Christian Rock songs that he had. The songs were all parodies of old rock and roll songs which they just changed the lyrics to reference religious stuff. The album was called Grace Period and it's by the Christian Rock band The Apologetix.
Howard also took a call from Crazy Cabbie who brought up ''Son of the Beach'' and it's cancellation. Howard repeated what he said earlier in the show about how he's trying to move it to another network. Meanwhile, FX is saying that they're canceling the show due to low ratings... even though it's still the highest rated show on the network according to Howard. Cabbie asked Howard if he could have a part on ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard said it depends on whether or not the show gets picked up by another network.
Howard played some clips from the big WWe Smackdown show that went down over the weekend. He and Artie goofed on Chuck and Billy who admitted that their gay proposal was all a scam. Artie was doing an impression of some guy who was on the Smackdown show who was very effeminate sounding. They had a lot of fun with that before Robin's news.
After taking a break Howard came back and said he got quite a bit of e-mail about the diet pills Cabbie was pushing on Anna Nicole Smith the other day. He said it's called Trim Spa. Cabbie does commercials for the product on Howard's station. You can find out more at TrimSpa.com.
Yesterday Robin told Howard that her boyfriend, Mr. X, has changed his mind about playing the Newlywed Game that Howard has been trying to put together for months now. Robin said that he just changed his mind and doesn't want to do it. Howard said people are pissed that he backed out of the game.
Howard played tape of WWe wrestlers Chuck and Billy yelling at the tops of their lungs about how they're not gay. He played some clips yesterday and Artie and he went crazy doing impressions of them. Howard got some e-mail explaining some of the stuff that was going on during the clips that he played so he went through some of that this morning.
Howard said someone e-mailed him and wanted to know why he hates Amanda Peet so much. Howard said she's just a bad actress and she should be a waitress instead.
Yesterday Howard mentioned that Ryan Phillippe might not ever do the show again because his wife, Reese Witherspoon, got mad at him for some of the stuff he talked about. Gary came in today and told Howard that's not necessarily true though. He spoke to Ryan's publicist and they told him that he wants to come back in a few weeks when his movie opens wide around the country.
Howard got some angry e-mail about Chaunce Hayden's appearance yesterday. People are pissed that he's writing stuff about strip clubs like Scores. Howard read through some of the mail he got and a lot of guys are mad at him for ''breaking the code of men'' by talking about stuff that happens at strip clubs.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Robin's Mr. X and why he won't play this game that Howard's putting together. The guy ended up suggesting that they put a puppet in the studio and just move it's lips to Mr. X's voice so he doesn't have to be on camera.
King of all Blacks (KoaB) called in and said he thinks that Robin talked Mr. X out of playing the game. KoaB went on to ask Howard some questions about his girlfriend Beth. KoaB asked Howard about Beth's parents and about Howard meeting them. He wondered if Beth's mother is asking when they're going to have kids. Howard said that has happened but he's not going to have any more kids. KoaB said that Howard has to have one with Beth though. He told Howard that her family probably thinks that Howard is ruining her life by not having a kid. Howard told KoaB that's a warped way of thinking. He got off the phone a couple of minutes later.
Howard took another call from a guy who wondered if Howard believes in aliens, ghosts, life after death or anything like that. Howard said he doesn't believe in any of that stuff. He spent a few minutes talking to the guy about these psychics who are all fakes. Howard said ''When you're dead, you're dead. Simple as that.'' He said that illusionist Uri Geller is a fake but he's fun to have on the show. Howard went into a phone call they got from Fred's leader from Mars the other day. It was just a computer generated voice giving instructions to Fred about their ''diabolical plan'' to take over Earth. Howard said there wasn't anything funny about the clip but he played it anyway.
Jeff ''The Drunk'' Curro called in to say that Chaunce Hayden is a jerk. Jeff talked about strip clubs but said that he doesn't have any money which makes it tough to spend any time at a club. Howard ended up talking about his night out at Scores over the weekend. He and his girlfriend went with two other couples but one of the couple's ended up leaving. After talking about that Howard had to take another break.
After the break Howard said that there's a new book out about drug lord Pablo Escobar and in it they talk about the wacky stuff he used to do. He used to play games with women where he'd have them get naked and do stuff like run to a car and whoever got there first would win it. Howard said they're going to put together a game that follows some of those wacky games as a tribute to him.
Howard brought up the new daytime ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' and it's host Merideth Viera. Howard was pointing out how ridiculous the world of TV is. She claims to be making the show ''hers'' by just calling it ''Millionaire'' and changing her ''final answer'' question to ''final answer?'' instead of ''Is that your final answer?'' like Regis said.
Howard moved on to talk about FX and the cancellation of ''Son of the Beach.'' Howard explained what has been happening over at FX lately and why they're going to get rid of the show. The show has kept it's audience pretty well but the network is trying to change it's image. Howard said they're really freaking out because he has a mole in the meetings there at FX. Howard heard about some of the stuff that they said about him when they were talking about dropping the show. Then they freaked out and tried to find the mole when Howard said he heard some of this stuff.
Howard moved on to talk about this show ''Kane'' that he's been trying to get on the air for the past year or so. Howard has been yelling about Les Moonves not calling him back lately about it. Howard said that they went through a 2 month negotiation for the show and they worked on it for a while but they ended up arguing over whether it should be a half hour show or an hour show. This woman Howard was working with was supposed to find out the length of the show but she claimed that she couldn't get to Les Moonves. Howard said that this was Les teaching him about television. He said he eventually called Les and tried to get an answer out of him. Les apparently treated him like the company retard and gave him the run-around. Les told Howard he wasn't sure where they could put the show in the schedule. Howard said Les was supposed to call him back but after a month he started bad mouthing him on the air. That got his attention and Les finally called him. Les told him again that he loves the show but still doesn't know where to put it. Howard then told Les that he was going to go out, cast the show, and put it all together even though he doesn't know how to do it. Howard said he's not even sure Les has read the script yet. He said he thinks that his people have read it and love it but Les probably hasn't.
That conversation led to Robin bringing up this new show ''8 Rules About Dating My Daughter'' featuring John Ritter and Katey Sagal. She told Howard that it was really bad. They spent a few minutes on that before Howard brought in Beetlejuice.
Howard played a few voice mails he's gotten lately before talking to Beetlejuice. He got around to Beet and talked to his manager Sean about some legal problems they've had lately. Drunken Jamie was also there. Howard and Robin said that some of the stuff on this DVD looks like it could get them arrested. Howard described some of the disturbing stuff that they do and had Beetle talk about some of it also. He talked about wiping his ass with the money he pays for fast food deliveries with and stuff like that. Beetle will answer the door nude trying to freak out the delivery people.
Howard talked to Drunken Jamie about eating cat crap on the video. Jamie said it's good with catsup.
Howard brought up a few of the other things they do on the tape. Beetle has sex on the tape and pumps gas naked. All kinds of Beetlejuice-type behavior is covered in this video. Howard tried to find out how the idea process works for coming up with the stuff he does. Beetle said nothing goes through his head about this stuff before hand. He just does it. He also said that he has dreams about them sometimes.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to the guys and let them plug the video a few times before wrapping up the interview.
After changing she came out in the new outfit and told a story about her first time using Extasy and letting another woman use a strap-on on her. While Howard was standing next to her Stuttering John thought that he might be getting aroused. Howard showed them that he wasn't though.
Howard had Summer show the guys her ass and KC said ''That is one fantastic turd cutter!'' Howard told him he's so gay saying stuff like that though.
Summer got back to her strap-on story and talked about how great sex was while she was on Extasy. She talked about having the strap-on used on her and said that she strapped it on herself but it didn't do much for her.
The guys asked Summer to do a few other weird things. They offered her $5000 to make out with one of the guys but she wouldn't do that.
Some of the guys seemed to think that Howard should date Summer. She said she would go out with him but he's got a girlfriend. Stuttering John said that she could be the ''new girlfriend.'' Howard had to wrap up the interview so he could get to his new game but the guys wanted to see Summer change into something else first. Gary told Howard what else she had to change into. Howard picked a red bikini bottom and a tiny Playboy see through shirt. She took Howard into the changing area one more time so he could watch her change again. Howard gave another play-by-play of her changing. The shirt wasn't as see-through as Howard thought it would be. He wrapped up the interview after revealing the new outfit. He told Summer she was the coolest woman to ever come on the show because she was so cool about revealing everything to them. He described the upcoming game ''It's Just Wrong'' to Summer and she was so excited by it that she wanted to stick around and watch that happen. Howard told her she could stay. He then took a break to prepare for that.
Summer can be seen on the Showtime Beyond TV show ''ChromiumBlue.com.'' It airs Friday nights at 11pm.
Playing the game today were:
Summer Altice was still sitting in so Howard spent more time talking to her once in a while during the game. Howard asked her about how long it takes to get in her pants once she's dating someone. She claims that no one ever gets in her pants on the first date. It takes some time before that happens. Howard claims that he waited two weeks with Beth. Robin found that hard to believe though. Howard said he did have to relieve himself though.
Howard got to the game and started off with Michael and Amanda. He asked Michael a question that he wasn't able to answer so Amanda had to remove an article of clothing. Howard then moved on to Jerry and Donna. He asked Jerry a question and he wasn't able to answer either. Off came an article of clothing. Next up was Glen who got his question correct.
Howard continued to ask questions and the clothing kept coming off. Donna was the first to remove her bra... and the first to remove her panties. Howard said she was totally shaved and really hot. Mary took off her top when Glen got one wrong and Howard sounded stunned when he saw her breasts. Mary also took off her pants when Glen got his second wrong answer. Howard said she was smokin' hot. She eventually lost her thong panties when Glen blew the game and got his third question wrong. Michael and Amanda won the game. Here are all of the questions, correct answers. (X) means the guy got it wrong, (C) means the guy answered correctly.
Michael and Amanda won a trip to the Cabo Wabo Cantina in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The other couples won some consolation prizes that Howard announced after that. Glen and Mary won a trip to Los Angeles to see a WWe wrestling match. Jerry and Donna won $500 courtesy of ''That 70's Show'' and qualified for the chance to win a trip out to the set of that TV show.
Gary came in and offered $1500 to Amanda to take off her top. She turned it down until Artie threw in another $100 that he would autograph. She's a big Artie fan. She not only took off her bra but also her panties. Howard wrapped it up and said ''This was all wrong...''
During the break Howard said he learned that 21 year old Donna would have kissed Summer Altice. When he came back from the break he talked about that and then had Summer come back in. He asked her if she wanted to kiss Donna. Donna was looking for some more money to do it though. Donna also said she wanted to sing because she wants to get on the next ''American Idol'' show. She sang a short song for Howard and didn't sound all that bad. Howard and the rest of the guys picked apart her performance and gave her some hints on what she needs to work on. Howard said she was very nervous in front of a crowd and she needs to work on that. Robin said that her song selection wasn't that great either.
Donna had been complaining about her back because she's supposed to get an operation. Howard told her to go to Dr. John Sarno (''The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain'', ''Healing Back Pain : The Mind-Body Connection'') who helped him out with his back problems because it's probably all in her head.
Summer gave a plug to PlayboyStore.com where you can find the outfits she was wearing today.
During a break Howard heard a commercial for the Cane and Cabbie show saying that they're going to have Pearl Jam on with them this afternoon. Howard said he was kind of jealous of them because he'd love to interview Eddie Vedder. Howard said he thinks that Eddie hates him though because his show is too frivolous. He said he thinks Eddie is trying to be too much like Bruce Springsteen, being so politically correct all the time. Robin said she thought that Eddie didn't want to be famous so she wondered why he was going on a radio show like that. Howard said that he'd be famous if he did his show, not the Cane and Cabbie show. He said he loves Cane and Cabbie though, and said he was happy for them to have the band on their show.
Howard read an e-mail from a guy who said that Summer probably would have gotten nude for them without Gary coming in and offering her iWon.com money. Gary came in this morning and told Howard that he'll never do that again. Howard said that he'll take care of it from now on. Gary thought that he was helping the show by coming in an offering her the money but Howard said he thinks he could have still done it himself. Gary said he's done with that and won't ever come in to do that again. Gary also said he's never coming in the studio again. Howard got a bit pissed and kicked him out of the studio telling him he's never allowed on the air again.
Some guy e-mailed the show (and me) and said they screwed up with one of the questions in yesterday's game. The question was ''What does the E in ESPN stand for?'' Howard said it stood for Entertainment but this one guy claims that it stands for Electronic. Howard said it's not electronic, it's entertainment. Howard sounded like he really doesn't care and that people should stop e-mailing him about stuff like that.
Howard talked a little bit about Pearl Jam being on the Cane and Cabbie show last night. A guy called in and said he tried to get an autograph from lead singer Eddie Vedder after their appearance but he blew him off. Howard seems to think that it's kind of embarrassing for someone like this guy to want an autograph so bad. That led to a short discussion about how sad it is when people chase stars around seeking autographs. Howard told the caller to just read a book or something instead. The caller went on to say that Cabbie blew him off too.
Stuttering John said that he wanted to call in to Cane and Cabbie's show to ask Eddie Vedder why he's never done Howard's show but he wasn't allowed to. By this time they had tapes from the Cane and Cabbie interview with Pearl Jam. In the first clip Cane asked the band about their political stance and they can barely speak. Cabbie then joins in and rambles on about something that no one cared about so Cane interrupts him. Howard breaks in and said ''Poor Cane...'' Howard, Artie and Fred then goofed on Eddie and Cabbie for a short time. Howard thought Cabbie's thing was so funny that he had to replay the tape.
After taking a break Cabbie called in and wanted to know what Howard thought of the Eddie Vedder interview. Howard said it was funny and it must have been tough since Eddie doesn't talk much. Howard was curious to know if Cane and Cabbie had a list of stuff they weren't allowed to ask Eddie about during their interview. Cabbie said it wouldn't really matter because some of the stuff Howard might ask about just wasn't relevant at the time. Cabbie said they were kind of guided toward what the band wanted to talk about.
Cabbie said somehow he managed to get the chance to go out to San Francisco to be a ''fly on the wall'' at a Metallica recording session. That's where he was calling in from. Howard ended the call a short time after talking to him about that.
Howard mentioned some of the other things that they can bet on. A couple of those were...
Howard said the guys will even set up bets for stuff that happens on the show. Howard asked them for odds on stuff like:
Howard said Joan didn't have a wrinkle on her face after all of the plastic surgery she's had. Howard went on to talk about Christopher Reeve and how he's been working to move parts of himself for years now. Howard said it's got to be tough to spend that much time doing that and get the small results he's gotten.
Howard brought up a story about Rosie O'Donnell quitting her magazine yesterday. Howard brought it up while Joan was in because Joan doesn't seem to like her. Howard read an article that explained why Joan and Rosie dislike each other. They have traded insults over the years. The article described how the feud apparently started but Joan didn't even remember the stuff that was mentioned.
Howard and Joan also talked about Russell Crowe. Joan said she doesn't hate Russell but he was very mean to one of her friends. He apparently said ''F-you'' to a friend who said ''congratulations'' to him after he won an award of some type.
Howard said Calvin Klein called Joan an ''old C-word'' on one occasion but she says that he was drunk that night. Joan said he confronted him and said that she was the first person to wear his clothing on TV. He backed down and stopped calling her names.
Howard said the reason Joan was in was to promote her coverage of the Emmy's Live from the red carpet this Sunday night on E!. He gave her some plugs for that and then talked to her about her dating. He spent some time talking to her about dating and sex but Joan said it's disgusting to hear about people her age having sex. She joked that she went out and got a nipple ring but her toe got stuck in it.
Joan is also a grandmother now and she doesn't want to be called ''grandma'' so she has the kid call her Joan.
Joan talked about her daughter Melissa a little bit also. She said that Melissa is dating again. Joan said she knew that the guy she was married to was wrong for her from the start.
Howard also talked a little bit about the Latin Grammys for a short time before taking some phone calls. One of the phone calls he took was from this guy Eric who was defending Kelly Clarkson from ''American Idol'' who Howard said wasn't all that attractive or something like that. Eric, a 3'5'' tall disabled dude, told Howard that he thinks she's pretty hot. Howard spoke to the guy for a couple of minutes and could tell there was something up with the guy. That's when he found out he's only 3'5'' tall. He spent a little while longer talking to him about Kelly and told him he should try to go after someone more realistic because there's not much chance that he'll get a Kelly Clarkson. Howard asked him about who he spanks his monkey to and eventually had to get off the phone because it was too depressing to talk to him.
Howard played some new clips from ''The Onion Radio News'' and a new ''Mr. Skin Minute.'' In the Mr. Skin Minute the guy from MrSkin.com tells us about the latest skin moments in new movies and new DVD releases. He said that Goldie Hahn shows a nip-slip in her new movie with Susan Sarandon. In the new movie ''Secretary'' there's some skin from some chick by the name of Maggie something. Mr. Skin also said that there's some skin shown in the movie ''40 Days and 40 Nights.'' He also said that the ''Janet Jackson Live in Hawaii'' DVD is a must see because she runs nude into a water fall.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was ripped off by some stripper. Howard talked to him about that for a short time and then took a call from High Pitch Erik. Erik wanted to get Jimmy Kimmel's phone number so he can call him about getting on ''Crank Yankers'' the phony phone call/puppet show. Howard said Erik is on to something with the prank calls he's been making lately but he's got to work on them a bit. He said some of the calls he's made are pretty funny. In the latest call Erik calls a hardware store and says that he has a metal ring around his nuts that's making his voice so high pitched. He asks the guy for clippers that can cut it off and demands that he bring it over to his house. The guy starts laughing at him so Erik yells at him in his Mickey Mouse sounding voice. After Howard played the call Erik told him that Sal the Stockbroker is the mastermind behind the calls. Howard said he figured that Erik couldn't come up with something like that himself.
Howard spent some time talking to Jon about how he got the site started and how it took off when people started hearing about it. The site is all about when things go wrong and spoil TV shows and other forms of entertainment like music and sports.
Howard had Jon talk about his top ten list of all time jump the shark moments in TV history. He went through the moments and explained a lot of stuff during that time. You can check out all of this info at JumpTheShark.com. The number one moment on the list was when the baby was born on ''Mad About You.''
A lot of people seem to think that Howard jumped the shark when Jackie left and they brought Artie Lange in to replace him. Artie joked that he thought Jon's book was going to have a picture of him on the cover. Cabbie is another one who ruined Howard's show and made him jump the shark so Howard mentioned that. He went on to talk about the Cane and Cabbie interview with Pearl Jam yesterday. He played more clips of Eddie Vedder not talking about much of anything during the interview. Cabbie was also making comments during the interview trying to be funny but they didn't come out that way. There was usually dead silence after he'd ask a question. Howard continued to goof on Cabbie for quite a while. He also goofed on Eddie Vedder because he's such a bad interview.
Howard had Jon give his list of top ten bad moments in music history before he wrapped up the segment. John quickly went through the top ten list and number one was Milli Vanilli performing live. Number two was KISS taking off it's makeup which Howard thought should be number one.
Howard gave Jon a plug for his book signing which will be taking place at the Barnes and Noble at 675 6th Ave in New York City tonight at 7pm.
Howard took a break after that and killed a little more time talking about other stuff. A caller played a game with Howard for a few minutes. He called in with a bunch of quotes from movies and Howard tried to guess where they were from. Howard played along with it for a short time and then gave the guy a prize for playing.
Howard went on to talk about an article he got out of a magazine about talk show hosts. In the magazine they posted a list of the top radio talk show hosts ever and Rush Limbaugh beats out Howard. Howard said he knows the guy who puts out the magazine did that on purpose to get him to talk about it. He said he can't believe he fell for it. He talked about that for a few minutes and also mentioned another list in the magazine that listed the top TV talk show hosts. The top two were Larry King and Johnny Carson. Howard said that list was ''stupid'' too.
Howard spent some more time talking to Jon Hein about some more stuff on his top ten lists. He had a list of the top ten worst celebrity moments that they went through quickly. The number 1 worst was Kevin Costner doing the movie ''Water World.'' After that Howard tried to get to Robin's news but the woman who took Jon's virginity called in so he spent a short time talking to her.
Ralph plugged some other comic book that he thought was really cool. That was called ''Powers'' but Howard didn't let him say much more than that about it. He let Robin finish up what she was talking about and had to take another break.
Howard moved on and talked about an article he read about ''American Idol'' host Ryan Seacrest. The guy is really busy and does a bunch of radio and TV shows. Howard sounded sickened by the fact that the guy has any credibility at all. Howard goofed on the guy while he was reading the article of course. Howard also sounded a little jealous because Ryan gets all of this work and seems to have the ''synergy'' with his company while Howard can't seem to get that same ''synergy'' with his company. Howard recently complained on the air that no one in his company will give him any other work like movies and TV show deals. He said he spoke to the head of Paramount Pictures and she asked him what movie she could have possibly put him in. Howard got back to this subject later... Howard continued to goof on Ryan for a couple more minutes.
Howard mentioned the guests who were coming up on the show today and then took a call from a guy who had a clip from a TV show where they talked about how well Howard and his ex-wife handled their divorce. Howard let the guy play some of it but it was boring so Howard hung up on the guy. Howard said the TV show that did the report just stole an article that was written on that subject from a newspaper article he read on the air recently.
After taking a commercial break Howard was listening to an old Hole (Courtney Love) song. He said he liked that stuff and wondered why she hasn't put out anything new lately. He spent a minute on that and then talked about the WWe commercial he'd done during the break. He talked about the wacky stuff that's going on in the WWe Smackdown while Artie did his wrestler impression.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wondered if Howard has ever Bukkaked anyone. ''Of course!'' Howard said. He told the guy that it's fun but he's never done it with other guys in the room. He also had to explain what Bukkake is. He said that it's when you ''leave a gift'' on your woman. Howard went on to talk about how he usually doesn't hit the face so it ends up on the chest of the woman. He said it can end up on the neck and the bed if you miss the face. He said he's okay with ''yanking it'' himself thanks to porn. He said women seem to like watching guys yank themselves. Howard said it's an honor for the women to be Bukkaked on by him. The caller also asked about a woman who wanted to be Bukkaked by some of Howard's listeners. KC came in and said they had the woman set up to do it but she backed out at the last minute. Howard said maybe Benjy could Bukkake Houston the porn star turned singer when she comes in later in the show.
Howard said that Benjy asked if he could sit on the couch next to Houston when she came in and just pleasure himself while she's being interviewed. Howard said he didn't think it would fly at first but then figured it might just work with Houston.
The caller also asked Howard about using condoms when he was younger. Howard said he used to use them sometimes but the girls he was having sex with were on the pill and he didn't think that much about sexually transmitted diseases. Howard said one summer he had sex with a bunch of women so he figured he must have gotten an S.T.D. So he had his mother take him to the doctor. He didn't have any symptoms but thought he'd get checked out anyway. He didn't have anything though. Howard said that was the summer when some Polish chick started putting her finger where the sun don't shine and he put a stop to that.
Another caller asked Howard if it matters where you Bukkake a woman. Howard said it doesn't seem to matter where it goes. He said he's seen quite a few Bukkake movies and they go anywhere. He explained to the guy how he went about it with one of the women he's done it with.
The caller played a couple of really lame games with Howard. He asked him what parts of the body have only three letters. Howard guessed about three before giving up. The caller gave him the rest and asked Howard a couple of other dopey questions. Here are the three letter words for the body. Arm, Toe, Leg, Ear, Eye, Lip, Gum, Rib, Jaw and Hip. Howard also mentioned Nut and Pud.
Howard played a short clip of comedian Chris Rock doing some material about divorce and relationships and then took a break. After the break he took a call from Double A who asked when he's going to be allowed to come in and stare at Beth all morning while they play the Newlywed Game. Howard said he's invited to come in if they ever get to that game.
Howard played one of Damon's comedy bits where he talks about the white people's reaction to the OJ Simpson verdict. Damon then came in. He was supposed to have his brother Marlon with him but he was out in the green room reading the newspaper. Howard talked to Damon about his divorce and how happy he seems now. Damon said he's really happy now. He said he was with his wife for a total of 19 years. He quickly got back into a serious relationship which surprised Howard. Damon said the woman he's dating now is half his age. Howard said now he understands why he's so happy. He and Howard spent a few minutes talking about their relationships. Damon said that he would like to have more kids even though he's got four already. He said they're just not cute anymore and he wants that again.
Howard asked Damon about his relationship with this new woman for a little while. They talked about what they do together and how Damon's sons don't mind him dating her but his daughter's do. Damon said that he and his ex-wife are becoming friends and getting along better than they were.
Howard brought up Damon's TV show and said that ABC must be very happy with the ratings he's getting. Damon said it's kind of like working with the Taliban because you don't know what they're thinking over there. He said they let him do his show and that's all he cares about. Howard said he read that Damon was kind of upset that FOX put the ''Bernie Mac'' show up against him. He said he was upset but he's not now. He said Bernie's show debuted and didn't do too well in the ratings so he's not worried about it. Damon said he was pretty confident that his show would work if he did it the right way.
Howard got back to Damon's divorce and found out that Damon didn't date for quite a while after his divorce because he was bitter about the divorce. Earlier Damon was saying that it wasn't about the money but that's what he was blaming the bitterness on when Howard brought it up. He said it was about the money but he's not so worried about that anymore.
Damon talked to Howard about how he got the woman he has now. He also told Howard he isn't going to live with a woman again even if he gets married. He said he wants to have a separate space at all times. Howard asked Damon if he's paying for his girlfriend's rent and school and stuff. Damon said she takes care of all of that herself.
Howard gave Damon's show another plug and got to Mike Walker from the National Enquirer who was on the phone. Howard spent a short time talking to Mike about Damon and then got to the game. Mike said he had some dirt on Damon from his single days but he didn't give any details. Howard asked Damon if he's ever had any famous poontang and Damon went on to talk about how he never has and why he wouldn't want that. Damon said Ben Afflek will learn about that now that he's dating Jennifer Lopez. The guys spent some time on that and then Mike talked about this story that appears in the National Enquirer about Dr. Phil's father. Howard then moved on to the game which goes like this... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard took a call about the upcoming ''It's Just Wrong'' game next week. Earlier this week they played the game where couples compete against each other and end up stripping down. Howard said next week the couples will be only brother and sister couples. He said that's really just wrong. He said the grand prize will be $10,000!
Howard mentioned what he had planned for Bernie Kopell who was the doctor on ''The Love Boat.'' Howard said he was going to take the questions that Cane and Cabbie asked Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam earlier this week and use them for his interview with Bernie. He rehearsed it for a little while but Bernie didn't call in when he was supposed to. One listener got pissed that Howard was still talking about the Cane and Cabbie thing so Howard said he should just stick with it because it would be good.
Bernie called in about 25 minutes late. Howard's first question was one of the Cane and Cabbie questions and it was about what he's thinking about these days. Bernie said he wasn't worried all that much, he's just dealing with his 2 year old child. He's 69 years old. Howard continued to ask Bernie the questions that Cane and Cabbie asked Eddie Vedder and Bernie answered them like they were normal questions. Bernie did seem to skirt around the actual questions Howard was asking and he had plenty to say. Howard even threw in the questions that Cane and Cabbie took from some e-mails they got. They had nothing to do with Bernie but he still answered them. Bernie kept getting back to his kids and would talk about them until Howard would interrupt him. Bernie was taking it all pretty well even though the questions seemed to confuse him a little bit. Howard gave Bernie a plug for a movie called ''Blood Head'' which is coming this fall. Bernie also mentioned some resort called Festiva and gave a phone number for it 1-877-8FUNFUN.
After getting off the phone Howard said he felt bad goofing on the guy like that. He seemed to be a fan of Howard's and the questions threw him off. Howard said he wished he could interview the guy again to do a real interview. At one point Bernie mentioned that his best friend is Grant Tinker which Howard just blew off at the time. He said he'd like to talk to him about that stuff. Stuttering John came in and said that he thinks it's funnier just to leave it the way they left it and not interview him again.
One woman called in and said that Howard is just jealous about Cane and Cabbie's interview with Pearl Jam. Howard said he actually feels sorry for Cane and Cabbie because they were restrained from asking the band certain questions and they had to treat Eddie Vedder like he was the President or something.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about this teacher who recently got jail time for having sex with her 15 year old student. Howard said he thinks she did the kid a favor and the kid is probably thrilled. He said he wished one of his teachers would have done that to him when he was in school because he would have had more confidence in himself. Robin seemed to think he was nuts and this is just wrong for a teacher to do.
Houston is now singing as well as doing porn. She wanted Howard to play her song but Howard was afraid that he wouldn't like it. He said he thinks she's a great person but he doesn't want to dislike her song.
Benjy wanted to pleasure himself while sitting next to Houston. She said he wasn't allowed to talk to her while he did it but she allowed him to do it. Benjy went over to the couch and said he didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Howard wasn't so sure he wanted him to do it either. When Benjy got ready to do it everyone let out and ''Ohhhh!'' when they saw his small penis. Artie said it was ''absolutely horrifying'' to him. Howard told him to just do his thing and he'd try to ignore him. Benjy wasn't aroused right away but said he'd get into it shortly. Howard told Benjy not to touch Houston but she allowed it to happen once. Howard said Benjy was actually doing it and Houston couldn't take her eyes off of him. Artie said he had an unusual grip on his package. Robin let out a few more ''Ohhh!''s while Benjy continued to spank it. He was staring at her and it seemed to be disturbing some of the people in the studio. He got to rub her arm a little bit more too. Houston said he just wasn't allowed to Bukkake her arm.
KC came in and said that it looked like Benjy was milking himself. Howard tried to get off of that subject and interviewed Houston. Benjy was too nervous to finish himself off. Howard said Houston brought in her CD but he didn't want to give his opinion about it. He broke down and said he'd play 60 seconds of it and that was it. Benjy continued to try and get himself off but it wasn't happening. Howard got word that General Manager Tom Chiusano didn't want Benjy to finish off in the studio so he put a stop to it. Benjy said it was just starting to happen when they cut him off. Tom told Howard it was a place of business and that kind of behavior wasn't acceptable.
Howard moved on and took a call from a guy who wanted to play ''It's Just Wrong'' next week. He said his sister was 52 years old though. He claims she's hot but Howard found that hard to believe. Howard put him on hold and said they'd put him on the list. Howard then had to explain the game to Houston.
Courtney Love called in and said she wants to work with Houston. She was rambling on and on about stuff that wasn't making much sense. Howard tried to get her to just slow down and listen to him. He asked Courtney to listen to Houston's song and critique it. Howard told Courtney he would only have time for a 10 minute interview by the time she got there. She said she wanted to spend some time with Howard today but she has a camera crew with her. Howard said he doesn't want to hang out with a camera crew though. He eventually told Courtney to get down there and they'd play Houston's song so she could critique it.
Howard took a break and when he came back Courtney was finally there. He tried to talk to her but she was distracted and just talked over other people and asked Houston about her music. Houston describes her music as ''Madonna meets Garbage'' so they spent a short time trying to figure that out. Howard ended up talking to Courtney about smoking crack and about a pill case Courtney was carrying. She was all over the place when Howard would ask her a question though. He had to hit the delay on her a couple of times.
Howard thought that Courtney had another nose job but she said she didn't. She somehow ended up talking about the work she had done on her teeth. She said they put her out and moved a bunch of her teeth around somehow. She said it cost her like $189,000 to have it done.
Howard tried to get back to Houston's music but she ended up talking about the botox injections she had and the nose job she had years ago. She told Howard about some of of other work she's had done where they sewed her labia lips together until they were smaller. Howard had to interrupt her and stopped her talking about some of that stuff because he knew it would get censored out of her show.
Courtney Love came in this morning to promote ''24 hours of Love'' which airs on MTV2 starting tomorrow at 8pm. Courtney will be taking over the station for a full 24 hours. She'll be playing the music she wants to play for that full 24 hours. Howard gave that a plug but Houston and Courtney were just talking over him and ignoring what he was saying. Courtney eventually slowed down and told Howard about what was going on with that special. She said she's doing it to educate kids about music from the 90's.
Howard got back to Houston's music and played her song ''What do you Want From Me.'' As soon as he started playing it they said Courtney got all business like and closed her eyes to concentrate on it. After hearing a little bit of the song Courtney said that the song was good but they had too many vocals on there. She critiqued a few more things about the song and let Howard play a little more of it. Benjy was ready to pleasure himself again but Howard had to put a stop to it. He then wondered why Tom made him stop that because they have women in all the time who do stuff like that. He got back to the song quickly and played the rest of it.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said it was some of the worst music he's ever heard. Someone cursed so Howard had to hang up on Cabbie. Howard took some more phone calls and let the listeners critique the song. A few people had questions for Courtney too but by this time the delay button had been hit so many times that it was making the audio sound bizarre.
Howard asked Houston if she knew anything about Jenna Jameson and Britney Spears hanging out together. She wasn't talking though.
Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) called in and made it sound like he was critiquing Houston's song. He said some stuff that made it sound like he disliked it and thought she was washed up. Then he says something like ''... But Houston, on the other hand, has some talent.'' He was talking about Courtney of course.
Howard took a few more phone calls and spoke to Houston and Courtney for a little while longer. Courtney asked him to go out to dinner with him again but he couldn't do it on Sunday like she wanted to.
One phone caller asked Courtney what drug she was on because she was all over the place. She said she wasn't on anything and she's just like that. Another caller asked Courtney when the new season of ''Friends'' starts. Courtney said she gets that joke from a lot of people.
Robin asked Courtney if she thinks she's the Yoko of the band Nirvanna. Courtney broke the news to Howard that she and the other members of Nirvanna have worked things out and there will be an album of unreleased Nirvanna material by Christmas. She said it took ''lots and lots of money'' to get everyone to make up but they finally did it. She told Howard she was giving him the scoop before the press release comes out tomorrow.
Courtney told a story about how her dog ate a breast implant she had taken out and ended up dying of cardiac arrest. Both of these women have really bizarre lives. Houston ended up pulling out her boobs to Show Howard. He said they were huge. Courtney ended up poking them while they were out. She said she was having a ''mommy thing'' going on while she was looking at them there.
Howard wrapped up the interview after Houston showed him her fake thong. He gave both of them plugs for their stuff and took a break. You can find out more about Houston at HotHouston.com. Courtney will be on MTV2 for 24 hours starting Saturday, September 21st at 8pm.
As Howard was ending the segment Courtney quickly mentioned something about having given a hand job to Ted Nugent when she was around the age of 14 or so. She said he probably wouldn't remember it though.