Howard said there was plenty to talk about. He brought up Jason Priestley and how he smashed himself up in a race car crash over the weekend. Howard doesn't understand why these guys do that stuff. He apparently smashed into a wall at 180 MPH during practice. The guys talked about that for a short time before Howard brought up FHM magazine. Howard said that Angie Everhart is the centerfold and there's a quote from her that says something like ''I don't kiss and tell but Howard Stern was the best guy I dated.'' Howard seemed to think that was pretty cool. He pointed it out to the ladies out there so they can see what a great guy he is. Everyone on the show claims that they knew Howard was dating her back when she was on the show even though Howard wouldn't talk about it then. Howard thinks that the quote is great for him because other hot women will see it and know what a great guy he is. Howard said he's going to put up billboards with a picture of Angie and her quote about him in big cities around the country. He went on to talk about why things didn't work out between them. Howard said he needs someone around 24 hours a day but she had to work out in California. Howard joked that he's going to have t-shirts made up with the quote too.
Howard moved on and took some phone calls. One guy complained about Howard taking off all of these Fridays this month. Howard said he's at work every day and he deserves to take some time off. Another caller asked him if he thinks Randy Rhodes should be vote as one of the best guitar players ever. Howard said that one person who hasn't been mentioned in these lists of great guitar players is Prince. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that before getting back to Angie. Howard also quickly mentioned that Craig Gass was on ''Sex and the City'' last night and he did a great job. He played the fat guy that banged one of the chicks on the show. Howard said he really looked fat on the show too.
After Howard took a break he spent a little time talking about Charlton Heston and his Alzheimer's. He also talked about Vin Diesel and ''XXX'' the movie. They also spent a short time talking about how all of the other action stars are getting too old to be in these movies.
Howard said that his girlfriend Beth shaved him down yesterday. She used some shears to trim all of his body hair. When he stood up to show Robin he said he didn't know why he came in this morning because he was feeling so crappy.
Howard took a call from someone, I think it was Zolar, who wondered what Howard was holding over Angie to make her say such great things about him. He also asked Howard if he ever checks out SternFanNetwork.com. He said that they love Artie over there. Howard said they need stuff like that because there are plenty of sites out there that hate them. Artie said he saw one site where they referred to him as ''Fat Loser'' and the term is used so much that it was shortened to just ''F.L.''
Howard changed subjects again and brought up Thailand where they have crocodile pits where people throw in raw chicken as entertainment. He said it's like their amusement park. He said a woman recently committed suicide by throwing herself in one of these pits where the crocs ripped her to shreds. He said the story was horrible but wondered if anyone videotaped the incident. He said he'd like to see that. He said he knows it's horrible to say but he's sure a lot of people want to see that. He said he'd also like to see Jason Priestley's crash on tape.
Howard heard that this guy Brian Dunkleman, who is one of the hosts on ''American Idol'', was on Jay Leno's show the other day and he was horrible. He heard that Jay wants to have him on every day now because it makes him look that much better.
Howard got back to Charlton Heston for a few minutes and talked about how he once stole a cab from his mother. She hailed a cab one rainy night and this guy jumped in and took it from her. She asked what he was doing and he asked if she knew who he was. She didn't care that he was Charlton Heston and couldn't believe that he took the cab she was going to take.
Howard took a call from a guy who just got out of prison. The guy told Howard he got caught after robbing a 7-11 store for $125. He said their security camera led to his arrest. He went on to say that he's already back to using drugs and he knows he'll get in trouble again eventually. Howard wondered why, after spending 8 years in prison, he'd go right back to using crystal meth. The guy said that's all he knows. He and Howard spent some time talking about the drugs and the guy knew quite a bit. The guy said he was out of jail for just 36 hours and he already had a legitimate car to drive and he was back to using drugs. He's already out of money so Howard figures he'll have to rob someone to make money. Howard suggested that he become one of those telephone psychics. Howard wrapped up the call shortly after that.
Howard read some e-mail and got yelled at for taking vacation for a little while.
Howard spent some time talking to Mark about his all gray hair. Mark thought it was best not to dye it anymore but Howard suggested that he go back to dying it jet black.
Mark's boyfriend Boris also came in so Howard spoke to him for a little while. He asked the two of them about ''ass play'' and found out that neither of them enjoy that. Howard thought that the two of them were homophobic or something.
Howard then moved on to the CD that Mark has put out and said he wanted to hear it. Mark apparently responds to the e-mails on this CD of his. Howard was running late so he also brought in Otto and George the comedy team. Howard told Otto and George that Mark is gay to which they responded ''Very gay!'' Howard said he thought it would be pretty funny to see the puppet with Mark Harris. That's why he ended up bringing in Otto and George.
Howard had a guy come in who weighed about 340 pounds. He works for Mark as a keyboard player. He spoke to him for a couple of minutes and then tried to get back to the CD but ended up talking to Mark about his marriage to Martha Raye. Howard learned that Mark has many problems with his neighbors so they talked about that for a few minutes before getting to Mark's song. Mark performed live in the studio and sang ''God Bless the Child.'' Howard started laughing as soon as the keyboard player started playing. Mark sang in his very unique way of singing. He was out of key so Howard and Artie just laughed their asses off through the song. Someone was throwing stuff at him too.
Howard wished Mark luck with the reality TV show he's doing starring himself. He's hoping that the Oxygen Network is going to pick it up.
Wendy the Retard called in and said she loved the song. She also told Mark that she thinks he's pretty cool. A few minutes later she sang a song for him over the phone. Howard asked Mark what he thought about her singing. He said he wanted her to come perform for him in person. He apparently put together a talent show for the Oxygen Network and he'd like her on it.
Howard got Wendy off the phone and KC came in with an audio clip that was supposed to be from his latest album. It turned out to be some old clip with Mark singing some awful song. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that.
You can get Mark's album at his web site AKAMarkHarris.com. Mark also claims that he'll be on the Oxygen Network in October. Howard doesn't seem to believe that though.
Howard went on to talk about the FHM magazine that he was talking about earlier with Angie Everhart saying that he was the best person she ever dated. Howard said he's serious when he says he's going to take out a billboard featuring that quote and her picture. He told Otto and George that he dated her for a couple of months and that's all it took for her to realize what a great guy he was. Howard was eluding to the fact that they slept together but a couple of people pointed out that she never said anything about that in the article. Howard said she just doesn't want to talk about that because she ''doesn't kiss and tell.'' Robin was one of the people bringing him down. She was pointing out how she didn't say anything about the sex they had. Another phone caller told Howard that he's a pansy because she said that he was the best guy he ''dated.'' Howard couldn't believe that these people weren't just accepting what she said.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Otto and George about comedy and gave them a few plugs. He's appearing at a few comedy clubs around the country and Howard gave out MillerComedy.com for booking info.
The debate about the Angie Everhart thing continued for quite some time. Howard continued to argue with everyone about what she said and what she might have actually meant. He wouldn't even say if he actually had sex with her. He said she knows that he's sensitive about that type of thing being brought up and he must feel the same way about her.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Otto and George and took some phone calls during that time. One of the callers was Chaunce Hayden from Steppin Out Magazine. Chaunce brought up a story they mentioned the last time he was on. It had something to do with him spitting on a picture of another comic at Rascal's Comedy Club. Otto got pissed and didn't want to rehash that story so he tried to drop it. He ended up threatening to ''cave in'' Chaunce's windpipe. He said he just doesn't want to talk about it and he got really bummed out after the call. Howard told Chaunce it just didn't work out this morning. Otto and George will be appearing at Zany's in Vernon Hills, Illinois this Tuesday through Thursday and at Carolines Comedy Club in New York City on September 13th, 14th and 15th.
Howard ended the call with Angie and took a break a short time later. He thanked Angie for calling in to talk about this subject. After taking a break Robin had a few more questions for him about their relationship. She wanted to know how the two of them met and started dating. Howard said they ran into each other at the gym and eventually started dating. At first he said they met on the show but realized he was wrong and corrected himself. Robin also wanted to know how they remain friends even after breaking up. It wasn't a bad breakup because they just knew they had to split because she moved out to the West Coast.
After answering Robin's questions Howard had her do her news. She started off with the Jason Priestley race crash story. Howard said he's no happy to see anyone hurt like that even though Jason hasn't been so nice to them over the past few years. He did say that it's a useless sport he was involved in and couldn't understand why someone like that would participate in something so dangerous. Now he's gone and ruined his good looks (by breaking his nose) and broke his back. They played a few clips of Jason talking about this new race series he was practicing for before he got in the crash. Robin moved on to other stories after that.
Howard mentioned that Maureen McCormick and Vinnie ''Big Pussy'' Pastore would be calling in to promote tonight's episode of ''Son of the Beach'' which is called ''Godfather Knows Best.'' He spent a short time talking about that.
Gary and Artie were at a Bruce Springsteen concert last night and Artie said he saw Spike Lee there dressed in a full Yankees outfit. He said it was pretty odd. Howard let the guys talk about that for a short time and then said he just doesn't get the whole ''Bruce'' thing. He has no desire to see him perform or listen to his music. Gary and Artie seem to think he's pretty great though.
Howard took a couple of calls from people who told him about the Lyme disease thing. They sounded like they were trying to scare the crap out of him. One guy called in and said he can't believe how whenever Howard gets sick everyone tries to diagnose him. That led to Howard talking about how this doctor, Dr. Sarno (The Mindbody Prescription : Healing the Body, Healing the Pain), who cured his back pain claims that before World War II there was no such thing as back pain. He claims that it's all psychological. The guys all spent some time on that subject before Howard had to take a break.
Howard played a clip of a phone call from a guy who said that Artie was dancing like a gay guy when the Corey Feldman E! show aired the other night. He said his arms were flailing around over his head so Artie said he doesn't do anything below there so he tries to get attention away from him below there by moving his arms.
Frequent caller Double A called in and asked what Beth's reaction was to the news about Angie Everhart in FHM magazine saying that Howard was the best guy she ever dated. Howard said one of Beth's friends called her up and made her feel bad on purpose. Howard said it was really vicious and mean but she wouldn't tell him who it was that said it to her. Beth said she hung up on the person who gave her the news. It was upsetting to her and to Howard. Howard said he was out of his mind after that because he didn't do anything wrong. He said he got a lot of e-mail about the subject too. He read through some of that. One e-mail said Angie did that to get promotion for the FHM magazine issue she's in. There were a bunch of other e-mails that he read through too. They're all trying to convince him that he's not as great as Angie is saying he is. Howard said someone put together a list of other guys Angie has dated. Here are a few of them Kevin Costner, Sylvester Stallone and George Clooney. According to what she said yesterday, Howard was the best she dated and one of the best she had in bed. There were also some people who were pissed at Robin's for her attitude toward Howard and Angie.
Howard said there were a lot of e-mails about Mark Harris, Otto and George, Jason Priestley and some other stuff. Howard spent some time talking about Jason and how he used to be a big fan of the show. He said that Chaunce Hayden(ChaunceHayden.com) from Steppin Out Magazine interviewed Jason's sister and she tried to explain why he stopped doing the show. She said he always talked about how he loved Howard and loved doing his show. Then someone called in to talk about seeing him doing coke in the bathroom at Scores and Jason felt that Howard screwed him on the air. She claims that Jason felt ''safe'' on the show with Howard until that happened. That's what led to him not doing the show anymore. Howard said he wasn't Jason's ''friend'' so he doesn't know why he felt safe on the show. He was just a guest that he had on and he didn't do anything to him maliciously. Howard said he's got nothing against Jason and he hates to hear about him getting hurt though. Chaunce called in and told Howard that Jason's sister is really hot. He spent a couple of minutes talking to Howard about her and how he hung out with her to do the interview. Chaunce also admitted that he was the guy who called in and started the whole story about Jason at Scores so it's his fault that Jason doesn't come on the show anymore. He didn't tell that to Jason's sister though.
Chaunce changed subjects and brought up the Angie Everhart thing. He said that guys that aren't good looking are always better in bed than good looking guys. Howard said he has to agree with that but Robin said that Chaunce was talking about himself, not about Howard.
After taking another break Howard played a new ''The Onion Radio News'' bit. In this phony news clip the announcer talks about Mr. T pitying a fool who gave him the wrong directions. The bits are always pretty funny.
Howard went on to talk about how actor Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley got married in Hawaii. That led to Howard talking about how dead performers are still making tons of money. Elvis was one name that he brought up from an article he read in Forbes magazine. Howard read some of the other names that included Charles Schulz, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix and Tupac Shakur.
Howard got back to the Lisa Marie and Nic Cage wedding story. He talked about that for a few minutes before Wanker Wang called in.
Howard thought the whole thing was kind of odd. After getting off the phone he and Artie spent a couple of minutes talking about the use of condoms. Artie ended up saying that he likes to go in bareback while Howard likes the condom because he's able to last longer.
Robin said she invited about 40 people and about 35 showed up. Howard guessed what it must have cost Robin. Howard guessed $6000 but Robin said it was $4300 or so. That included tips. Howard said it was a beautiful party.
Howard went on to say that he spent some time talking to people at the party but didn't spend much time with Fred. He said he's uncomfortable talking to Fred. Howard said he told Robin to watch as he walked past Artie's girlfriend, she wouldn't say hello to him. Howard did it and she didn't say anything to him. He later walked up to her and said hi to her. Howard said he can just read people that way. He told Artie that she looks tremendous though. Howard said Artie is kind of odd too. Howard said he was going to blame himself though.
Howard said the one person he adores is Stuttering John's wife Suzanna. She's warm and inviting according to Howard. He said he enjoys hanging out with her.
Howard then went on to talk about how strange things got for him at the party. There were no assigned seats at the part and at one point Robin told everyone to have a seat. Howard saw that no one was sitting so he went and sat down. Once he sat down everyone else started sitting... but no one would sit with him. Everyone was sitting at other tables. Howard said he felt so uncomfortable that he asked Ralph to come sit with him. Then Robin and Mr. X saw that he was alone so they sat with him because they felt sorry for him. Howard said he knew he'd end up sitting with his agent Don Buchwald like he does at every event he goes to. Howard went on to talk to people like Gary about why they didn't sit with him. Gary said he just assumed that he was going to sit with his agent and Ralph. Howard told him not to assume stuff like that. Howard told Gary he doesn't think that he likes him as a person and that's why he didn't sit with him. Howard went on to complain about everyone else who didn't sit with him. Some people said they just figured he was sick and wouldn't want to be bothered by them.
Howard said he finally realized that he's become like his father and has no friends. Stuttering John said that he tried to sit at the table but was chased away by Robin who told him the seat was taken. That one Howard excused because he was the last one in the room and everyone had already sat at his table. Robin said that there were actually people taking seats from some tables to other tables to get as far away from Howard as possible. The whole thing was very strange for Howard. He complained about Artie not sitting with him too. Artie said he still doesn't know Howard all that well and that was one reason he didn't sit there. Howard said that he'll never get to know him if he doesn't sit with him.
Howard also pointed out some kiss asses like Vinnie Favale and Mitch Semmel from CBS. He said when Mel Karmazin, one of the big guys at CBS, came to sit with Howard, Vinnie and Mitch came over to talk to him. He said they're the two biggest kiss asses there. Vinnie and Mitch called in and said they weren't kiss asses though.
A couple of other people came in and gave their excuses too. Scott DePace from E! came in and said that Doug Goodstein was going to sit with Howard but then Ronnie the Limo Driver was rubbing his nose as if to say he was a brown noser. Doug ended up leaving the table for other reasons though. There were some other people who are just intimidated by Howard who didn't want to sit with him. Howard mentioned Anne Marie who works in their office. Gary said that she is kind of intimidated by him so she sat with some of the other guys like Jason and Will from the office.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in to defend his ''brown noser'' thing. He said he was just joking around and didn't mean anything by it. He got really defensive and yelled at Stuttering John for a couple of minutes. The two of them went at each other over ridiculous stuff. Howard spent close to an hour talking about all of this stuff and he sounded really hurt by it all. He ended up sitting with Fred, Robin, Mr. X, Don Buchwald, Ralph, Fred's wife Alison and Mel Karmazin.
Sal the Stockbroker also did his own phone poll and asked some women what they think about it. The women all sounded surprised by his phone call and didn't seem to know what to say. One woman finally believed that what Angie said could be true.
All of this didn't help Howard feel any better this morning.
Howard moved on to talk about something he did a commercial for during his break. It's this service called Vonage which allows you to use a broadband connection for internet and regular phone calls. Gary was in to help talk about it. He said it costs you like $39.99 a month and it's unlimited use for national calls. Gary loves it and said he's been using it for a couple of months now. You can find out more at Vonage.com.
Gary had someone come in to the studio who was invited to the party yesterday that Robin doesn't know. Gary said that Robin didn't know his name before last Wednesday and he'd been there for 3 years. Robin knew it when he walked in though. His name was Dan. Howard said he had no idea who he was either. He works for E! and the guys barely know who he is. They brought in another new guy, Colin, who is doing the lighting now. Howard talked about the guy he replaced, Octavio, who was a really nice guy. Howard tried to remember Colin's name about a minute after he introduced himself and he couldn't do it. Then another guy came in who has been replacing one of the engineers for a few weeks now. Howard had no clue about what his name was either. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him and found out his name is Dan also.
Howard ended up talking about how crazy the people at E! are. Howard heard from Robin Radzinski that Mindy Herman, who runs E!, wanted to discuss dinner with him at dinner. Howard figured that would be okay so he agreed to do it. Then the next day he finds out that there are going to be like 50 people there. Everyone who works on his show and the E! crew are going to be there. Howard thought she wanted to discuss business but now it's turned into a party. He seems to think she's nuts.
Howard went on to play tape of the speech Fred made at his party after he left. Someone, Benjy, was smart enough to get it on tape. Fred made a bunch of jokes about Howard which were pretty funny. Fred went on to joke about Robin and some other things. Howard took a call from a woman who pointed out how Howard is making Fred's party all about himself. Howard said she had to admit that it is kind of fascinating that no one would sit with him at the party. Howard finished up Fred's speech and then played Robin's. She didn't really know what to say so she was giggling through the whole thing. She talked about what a great guy Fred is and how she's enjoyed working with him over the years. After hearing it Howard said he could have done a better job. Robin said he had the chance to do it right then. Howard didn't want to say it though because he'd rather have done it at the party with everyone sitting with him. He had to take another break so he never did make a speech.
Maureen also wanted to let everyone know she's going to be doing the ''Vagina Monologs'' in Chicago soon. She spoke to Howard about that for a short time. Robin wanted to know if she'd let her kids work in show business. Maureen said she would let her kids do that if they really wanted to. Howard wondered if she didn't learn from her own experiences. She apparently had good experiences. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. Maureen told Howard she's really looking forward to meeting him since she hasn't yet.
Benjamin said the whole date was very ''friendly'' but not romantic. She kissed him on the cheek a few times but that was about it. He got to massage her and stuff like that but there was no sex. Benjamin said that she was a tease and it was tough for him but he knew he wasn't going to get anything off of her. He said this turned him around. He was depressed one day while he was there but he did get to see her naked by the pool one day. Howard asked him if he ''pounded any out'' to her image while they were there. Of course he admitted that he did. He complained that there were no singles at the resort they were at so he couldn't hook up with anyone else.
Howard wrapped up that call and congratulated Benjamin for his win. Benjamin said that he had some fun on the trip and Michelle was very friendly with him. She said she had a great time also. As Howard was wrapping up the interview he found out that Michelle got Benjamin a hooker. Her boyfriend showed up at the resort so Benjamin mentioned that. Michelle got upset that he mentioned that though. Ben said that it was his idea to get Ben a hooker. Michelle said that she wasn't about to shell out any money for that. They spent a few minutes talking about who set up what but Howard didn't really care. He just wanted to know what happened with Ben and the hooker. Artie said that the hooker was the hottest Mexican whore he's ever seen. Michelle said it cost them $300 U.S. for the whore. Michelle was telling her side of the story but Howard said he was getting a headache from the description. Howard wrapped it up after they told most of the story about the hooker.
Howard said he was getting a headache from the story because it was just going nowhere. That's why he got off the phone before they could finish the whole story. Howard took a break shortly after that.
Howard moved on to talk about a few news stories he found interesting before Robin did her thing. He mentioned how the Catholic Church is looking to put glass windows in confessional booths so they can keep an eye on the priests. Howard said he doesn't understand why they don't just get rid of the priests that are molesting kids instead of just watching them. Howard also spent a few minutes talking about Martha Stewart and how he misses having OJ Simpson in the news. He said back then the only coverage we had was OJ and the news wasn't as depressing. After that he had Robin do her news.
Howard brought up the E! dinner party he went to last night. Mindy Herman from E! threw it to get to know everyone from Howard's show. This time Howard said Mindy Herman almost blew off Gary when she saw that it was only his table that had chairs available. According to Gary she scanned the room looking for Howard before she sat at his table. Howard said he had the happening table last night. After Howard cried about people not wanting to sit with him at Fred's birthday party people wanted to sit with him yesterday. Howard had Beth with him and she was by his side all night. He said he loves that she does that. Gary said Beth gave him an autographed calendar which he says he's going to turn around and sell to Stuttering John for $500. You can get yours at BethO.com (link removed, do not visit).
Gary said that he made sure not to make any mistakes while eating dinner with Mindy Herman. He said when he left to go to the bathroom he got a replacement to sit in for him. He got Doug Goodstein to sit there to talk to her while he was gone.
Benjy was acting like his crazy self at the party and told Mindy that he took an ''upper decker'' in the bathroom. When Howard heard about that he said they're done inviting him to these things they go to. They said Benjy was also going to take some food home with him after dinner. Howard told Gary to make sure he's not at another one of these things. He said if there are people around who he has to do business with, he's not invited. He doesn't want to take the chance that he'll do something stupid. Benjy claims that he told KC that he took an upper decker and then said he was joking. He didn't tell Mindy that, he just asked her to laugh at him before he introduced himself.
Stuttering John came in and said Benjy was making weird comments about his wife at Robin's party. Howard had Benjy's microphone off so he couldn't respond to that one very well. Howard also asked KC if he knows to keep his mouth shut at these things. KC almost didn't go to last night's party because he knows better than to screw things up. They ended up talking about KC's tanning bed habits and how gay that is.
Howard got back to the dinner they were at. He said they went to Ocean and he loves the raw bar they have there. Howard said Artie was even eating the raw fish which surprised him. He said that Artie's girlfriend looked great and actually came up to him and said a nice ''hi'' to him. Gary talked about how great looking Artie's girlfriend is too. He said she was showing off her belly last night. Gary is also amazed that she's a teacher. Artie said she teaches an 8th grade class in a really bad area.
Before Howard took a break KC said that he saw flowers on the table at the restaurant last night and didn't know whether or not they were supposed to eat them. Howard said KC doesn't get out much and his family didn't bring him to New York very often. Howard said Stuttering John is sophisticated next to KC when they go out to eat.
After taking a break Howard took a phone call from a listener down in Lexington, Kentucky who listens to Howard on the All-Howard station down there. He said he went somewhere and heard Artie on the air at 2 in the morning. He said it's great to have Howard on 24 hours a day.
Howard played some voice mail that they got from this really angry woman that calls. She complained about his pointy nose, chin and other features. She went on to bitch about Howard bragging about Angie Everhart making that nice quote about him being the best person she ever dated. There were other callers who said Howard was just crying about no one sitting with him at Fred's party. There were a few other voice mails about other various things too. There's one guy who has a very distinctive voice who complained about ''American Idol'' and then went off on Robin calling her names and saying he'd like to bang her. He then signs off with ''Love you, nigga bitch!''
Howard took a call from a woman who read a quote from TV Guide that Anna Nicole Smith made. According to the article Anna says that she'll never do Howard's show again because he was mean to her and said some mean things about her husband. Howard couldn't understand that because things seemed to go pretty well.
Another caller brought up a CBS news show where Howard was mentioned while he was on vacation. Howard knew about it but didn't play the clip. It was a relationship expert who was talking about marriage therapy and how once you get to that point in your relationship, it's pretty much over. The caller also brought up an odd situation he has with his daughter and his new girlfriend. He said he got the girlfriend pregnant and now has an 8 month old. He's living at home with his dad and wanted to know when his 9 year old should know about the sleep over girlfriend. Howard said he doesn't let his 9 year old know that he and Beth sleep together. He said sometimes Beth will actually sleep in the same room as Ashley when she stays over. After hearing all of this girl's problems Howard said he had enough of his own and got off the phone with him.
Howard moved on to talk about Charlton Heston and the possibility that he may have alzheimer's. It's being reported that they may have to take his guns away because of this. Howard and the crew spent a few minutes discussing that.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to get some advice on shaving his pubic hair and not getting itchy. Howard told him not to shave it all off like a woman does. He recommended using hair clippers on the number 1 setting and just cutting it short. He said guys should have some hair down there.
Another caller wanted to know why ''Son of the Beach'' isn't an hour long show. Howard told him that it works best as a half hour show and most comedies are just a half hour anyway.
Robin told Howard that he's going to love the latest ''American Idol'' episode. She described some of the things that went on and the fact that Paula Abdul was crying at one point. Howard said he's been sick lately so he's been trying to get extra sleep but he was tempted to get up and turn on ''American Idol.''
A Playboy model by the name of Amy Rochelle called in to tell Howard the same thing happened to her. She had to get her AmyRochelle.net site because her dot com was taken by this guy and his anti-abortion stuff. She said she doesn't know what the guy is up to or why he's doing this but there's nothing they can do.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Amy about her career and some of the guys she's dated. She claims to have been a body double in ''Indecent Proposal'' but there are people who say she wasn't in there. Howard then found out that she dated Tom Cruise at one point. She said she made love to him maybe 5 times in the one night they went out. Howard and the guys sounded pretty amazed by that. Howard said when he was much younger he could bang 5 times in a night too. Howard also said that proves that Tom Cruise isn't a homo like so many people say he is. Howard said he's going to point that out to people who ask him about Cruise being gay.
Amy also dated Kevin Costner and he was married at the time. She said his pick up line was asking her to babysit his kids. Howard ended up saying that the two of them have kind of made love to each other because of their relationships with people who have dated people they've been with. Amy dated Kevin who dated Angie who dated Howard... and they all apparently banged each other.
Howard asked Amy what issue of Playboy she was in. She said she did the Women of Florida pictorial and some stuff in the Playboy book of lingerie. She was never a Playmate but she was in some Playboy stuff. Howard spoke to her for a few more minutes and then wrapped up the call.
After that call Howard spent some time talking about a few other things. He had Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) on the phone talking about the Harlem little league team and about an interview he did with Stuttering John. John came in and told Howard how Chaunce will do an interview, ask questions and then change the questions for the article. John claims that Chaunce asked him what he thinks of some of Howard's clones but then changed the question to include some of the clones names in the article. Luckily Chaunce sent the article to John so he could read it before it went to press. Chaunce had reasons for doing what he did but the guys still yelled at him about it.
Howard brought up how Stuttering John got a puppy recently and how it's already hurt it's leg. Howard said he knew that John wouldn't make a good pet owner and wouldn't even tell him who the breeder was that got him his dog a few years ago. Howard is going to be taking care of John's dog in a couple of weeks and he thinks that he won't want to give it back to John once he gets it. He thinks he'll be sending it back to hell if he gives it back. John told Howard he's not even really sure how the dog injured it's hip. They took it to the vet and had x-rays taken and there's nothing broken. It's just got inflammation in it's hip for some reason. Howard said his kids are probably yanking the dog's legs around or John just stepped on it accidentally.
In today's game Howard and all of the other players are playing for people who won on iWon.com. Each of the players, Howard, Robin, Tom Chiusano, KC Armstrong and Gary, was playing for an individual winner from iWon.com. They were playing for a minimum of $10,000 and a max of $1 million! Howard and the others told Barry which players they were playing for. Here's the list:
The winner got to spin a wheel they had set up in the studio for his chance to win up to $1 million. He gets a minimum of $10,000. Howard spent a few minutes talking to him about what he's going to do with the money. He said he'd invest the money and buy a house if he wins the big money. He had a 1 in 100 chance of winning the million bucks. Alan spun the wheel and landed on a $10,000 slot so that's what he got. Someone from iWon.com was there to present him with the check. They did that and wrapped up the segment after that.
Barry got a plug in for his web site BarryWilliams.com and some phone numbers to call to book trips to Vegas and some other places.
Howard also saw a report on CNBC yesterday about a guy claiming to be ''Snoop Doggy Dogg's cousin'' with a gun holed up in his house. Howard thought it was funny to hear the reporter saying ''Snopp Doggy Dogg'' during the coverage.
Howard quickly mentioned an article he read about the Osbourne's and how they're going to adopt one of Kelly's friends whose mother is dying of cancer or something like that. They said the show really is like a sitcom now with stuff like that going on.
Howard spent a little more time on the E! party and Fred's birthday party that they talked about yesterday. Howard said he wasn't even sure how last night's dinner got to be a dinner party. He was under the impression that it was just going to be him and Mindy Herman from E! meeting but it turned out to be about 40 people instead. Howard said he got a nice message from his hair stylist Toni who apologized for not sitting next to him at Fred's party. She said if she'd known that he wanted someone to sit with him, she would have done it. She ended up next to Benjy instead. Now everyone is talking to Howard and he says it's not necessary.
Howard said he wasn't going to talk business with Mindy but he has a major problem with what E! is doing to his show with these scrolls at the bottom of the screen. Howard said that his agent just called him the other night and brought up the scrolls on the screen. It turns out that Howard is supposed to have approval for stuff like that so they may be stopping that soon. Apparently he hadn't mentioned it to his agent during the past year that he's been complaining about it on the air. He had no clue it was going on and now he's going to do something about it.
Howard went on to say that he's always happy to work with whoever is running the company that's paying him. He said he's stuck with CBS and E! even after people have been fired and hired. He said he'll be loyal to whoever is there when these people are gone but they don't look at it the same way. Howard complained about CBS' Les Moonves not working with him on some stuff and about how the people at E! are insulting him by playing these news scrolls and Anna Nicole Smith show scrolls on his show. They have a dog barking sound and animated crap going on during the show.
Howard brought up an article he was reading about Yassir Arafat and how he's been hiding away billions of dollars in hidden bank accounts. The money is aid money that's come from other countries, including the United States, that he's been hiding away for himself instead of using it to help his people. Howard said maybe now the Palestinians will see what this guy is really up to.
Howard got back to happier stories like the E! dinner. He started to talk about that when Artie invited him to a bachelor party he's throwing for one his best friends, Deej. He said he's inviting all of the people he works with to the party.
Beetle was sporting some blonde hair so Howard asked him if that's his natural hair color. Of course he said it is but then said he mixes his own hair dye to get it that color. Howard asked Beetle about his ''wife'' Katiejuice and what happened to her. (she doesn't actually exist) Beetle said that she moved down to North Carolina.
Beetle was drunk already so Robin asked him what he was drinking. He answered with his infamous ''Me!?'' and said he's drinking rum, ''...straight up, on the rocks.''
Howard went on to tell Beetle what a genius he is with this video they've put out. He tried to talk about the video but Beetle was rambling about how he's a stunt man and about all of the stunts he does. Howard kept trying to get back to the video but it wasn't easy with Beet constantly interrupting to ramble nonsense. Howard said the stuff they do on the video is crazy. So crazy that he's not sure if it's even legal. Howard said that it's a step above what they do on Jackass.
Robin was laughing at some of the stuff Beetle was saying so he got upset and told her that this was all serious and not funny. Howard ended up distracting him with the George Takei laugh. Beetle kept rambling though. Howard told Beet how this new video is genius but Robin said something and Beet went off on her again.
Howard said he saw Beetle punch this guy Drunken Jaime in the face at one point on the tape. Then Drunken Jaime gets naked and goes to a gym in a hotel lobby in front of a woman who's working out. Beet was a little confused by some of the things Howard was talking about though. Howard said that Beet lights Big Papa's feet on fire at one point but Beet said that was Jaime who did that. He had no clue what was going on. Howard said Jaime eats cat doody at one point and that led to Beet cursing so Howard had to hit the delay. He had to get off that subject because he was so drunk he didn't even know he was cursing. Beetle also drives and crashes a car at one point in the video.
Howard gave a plug for the video which is called ''Beetle Uncensored'' which led to Beetle trying to say the name of the video. He was slurring his words and saying ''Beetle Onsisis'' and ''Sex onsisis'' among other names. KC then came in and mentioned some of the wacky things Beetle does in this video. There's a lot of getting naked and doing weird stuff with his buddies and stuff like that. Beet pumps gas naked and fights with some people too. KC said he had a clip of one of his fights for Howard to watch. He played that and you hear Beet just yelling at the top of his lungs at someone at a 7-11 convenience store. The guy just asked him for ID so he could buy some alcohol and he flipped out. He had to be carried out of the store.
Howard took a couple of phone calls before he wrapped up the segment. One guy said he heard that Beetle was a coke head and that he was arrested. Beet denied it but who knows what the real story is. Butt Billionaire player Jeff Curro also called in and spoke to Beet for a short time. Another caller called Beet some names but didn't get him as riled up as you'd think he'd get. Howard then took a call from a ''woman'' claiming to be Katiejuice but she ended up calling him a ''nigga.''
Howard was getting ready to wrap things up but Beetlejuice wanted to introduce his ''grandson'' to Howard. It turned out to be a 7 year old kid who lives with Beetle at this guy Sean's house. Beet thinks it's his grandson though. Howard tried to interview the kid but Beetlejuice was answering all of his questions. Beet talked about how he and his ''grandson'' play Playstation games together and stuff like that. After a couple of minutes Howard wrapped everything up and ended the segment.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Howard something about his girlfriend and how her friends are always calling her and telling her what Howard says on the air. Howard had a hard time trying to understand exactly what the guy was talking about so he had to figure it out by talking to himself out loud. He talked about how Beth's friends tell her when he talks about stuff like the Angie Everhart thing and try to make her feel like crap. Meanwhile they're just jealous that Howard and Beth are having a good relationship while they're in a miserable one. Howard went on to say that Beth knows better than to let it get under her skin and has hung up on people who have called her with that stuff.
The phone caller kept talking over Howard so he wanted to hang up on him. It turns out that what he hears on his end of the phone is too low and he can't hear when Howard is talking. He apologized but Howard ended up hanging up on him anyway. Howard went on to complain to Tom Chiusano about the way things are run around the station and how he needs stuff like that fixed. He made a plea for him to just get the phones fixed already. He also said that he has to buy his own computers for the show so if he has to, he'll pay to have the phones fixed.
Another caller told Howard to stop crying about his problems at home. He said that no one cares about them and he should move on to other things. Howard asked him what he should talk about instead but the guy didn't have an answer so Howard hung up on him.
Fred finally showed up so Howard and Robin asked him where he was. Fred said the ''stupid cleaning lady'' screwed up his alarm clocks and they didn't wake him up on time. Howard said he doesn't believe that she changed the time but Fred said something happened to them and he didn't make any changes himself. Howard took a vote from everyone to find out if they all believed that's what happened. Artie said he believed it but only because he wants to use the same excuse when he's late. Benjy believed him but Howard didn't. Howard said the cleaning woman wouldn't have changed both clocks. Fred stuck to his story but Howard still didn't believe him. Howard said it's like a kid claiming that their dog ate their homework.
Earlier in the show Gary offered to go out and call in from an outside phone to see if the connection is as bad as they think it is. He called in a short time later from a cell phone and said that the connection was perfectly clear. They said it must have been that one caller that was the problem, not the phones.
Howard took another call from a woman who wanted to know if Howard would tell us if he was intimate with any other woman he dated. She mentioned Robin Givens and Gina Gershon. Howard said that the only reason he talked about the Angie Everhart thing is because she came out and said it first. He said he's okay with that and if other women he dated wanted to talk about it, it's okay. He said he doesn't want to talk about it because it's tacky. He said Gina was just a friend and he never dated her. Robin Givens may have been different but Howard wasn't talking about it.
The woman who called in also asked Howard if he knew that another one of The Ramones died. Dee Dee Ramone passed away recently. Howard said he's seen recent pictures of Dee Dee and he looked really bad from abusing himself over the years. The woman told Howard she wishes that Gary would stop smoking because she doesn't want to see him killing himself. Gary said he's smoking about 8 cigarettes a day which is up from the 4 a day that he was doing when he started smoking again in the past couple of years. Howard said Gary is being selfish by smoking and he might not get to see his kids grow up.
Gary asked Artie how much he smokes every day. He said he's around 7 or 8 a day during the week but if he goes out he might smoke more. Gary heard that he doesn't inhale though. He said he does sometimes but not all the time. Artie said that it's a nervous thing for him and sometimes he doesn't realize he's not inhaling.
The woman on the phone also brought up how the writer of ''Pack of Two'', Caroline Knapp, died from lung cancer at the age of 42. Howard recommended the book when he got his dog and he was surprised to hear that she was gone. He said the book was great.
Howard went on to say that he wasn't going to talk about any of these women he dated or if he banged them or not. The guys all still want to find out about some of the women he's been with though. They still want to get Carmen Electra on the show to find out if they didn't anything together. Howard says they didn't have sex but the guys seem to think that everything but sex went on. Gary said that Howard banged over 10 chicks while he was on his dating spree after his divorce. Stuttering John said he doesn't know them all and that's why he's been trying to find out more. Howard had to put a stop to all of the fun to take a break.
After the break Howard had a new web site to share with everyone. He said the site features women jiggling their breasts in different ways. You get to see women doing jumping jacks nude or moving in odd ways. Howard said it's great. You can check out the jiggles at Cloud10.org/jiggles
Howard took a call from a teen listener who called him gay for not sharing his stories about banging chicks. Howard had some fun with the caller who has only gotten to first base so far. Howard bragged that he had sex by the age of 16 while this kid was 13 and hadn't gotten that far yet. They spent a few minutes talking to each other and Howard eventually told the kid that he could see how good looking his girlfriend is by visiting BethO.com (link removed, do not visit). The kid had some stories to tell about his parents being swingers. The kid gets to live in another house so he doesn't have to see all of this going on. Howard told the kid that he could manipulate his parents in ways that no others could because his parents are swingers. Howard ended up talking about how he could adopt the kid to take him away from this crazy family. The kid said he's really no embarrassed by his family because no one really knows what's going on. Howard told the kid that he should ask to go to a boarding school so he can get away from the family. He also suggested that he ask for a car because they might just give him one to keep him quiet. A woman called in a short time later and told Howard he should call Social Services to get the kid out of that situation. Howard said the kid seems happy so there's no reason to do that to him. Howard told the kid he was glad he kept him on the phone because he had an interesting life. The kid said that he has two sisters, 9 and 16, and they still live with the parents. He never did say why he has to live in a different house than they do. He got off the phone a short time after that.
Howard took another break and came back talking about a bunch of different things. He spent some time talking about this porn movie that Benjy watched called ''Hot Bods and Tailpipes'' in which a woman screams out in pleasure in a way no guy ever hears. Howard played a clip from that and said he's never heard a woman do that for him.
Howard quickly mentioned Yucko the Clown's web site YuckoTheClown.com and how nothing was working on the site when he checked it out. He complained about the quality of the technology on the web for a second and moved on.
Howard said he saw an episode of Cribs on MTV which featured Gene Simmons and all of his KISS memorabilia. Howard said everyone knows the guy was in KISS but his home is full of KISS stuff and pictures of himself.
Howard read a couple of articles about DJs who have gone wild. One guy in New York was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct because he duct taped himself to a telephone pole with a sign reading ''Save Ira Joe Fisher'' in reference to a local weatherman who is leaving the CBS station. Then there was another DJ who was charged with disorderly conduct after trying to get on a golf course with a chain saw. Howard talked about how lame these guys are and how they never do any of this stuff on the air. Artie offered to duct tape himself to a stripper for any cause Howard wanted him to stand for. Howard said maybe they'll start doing some of these dopey stunts now.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about ''American Idol'' and the latest loser. Howard also played tape of Paula Abdul crying for some reason on the show. He said that she really has some problems and needs some help. He also goofed on one of the hosts who was on The Tonight Show recently bombing with his stand-up routine. Howard played tape of that and goofed on the guy for a short time. He was horrible but the audience was giving him some mercy laughs according to Howard. Gary interrupted that segment to let Howard know that Wesley Snipes was there but he had to leave soon. Howard then took a break so he could get Wesley in.
Howard and Wesley spent a few minutes discussing the movie and what that's all about. Wesley said he and Ving Rhames play boxers in the film. He said the whole movie was shot in 39 days. Howard said he had to do that to get back to the chicks. Howard asked him if he enjoys working on movies because everything is done for you and stuff like that. Wesley said that Howard knows what it's like, he shot ''Private Parts'' a few years ago. Howard said he's forgotten about it because it's been so long.
Howard brought up some story about Wesley not paying his taxes. Wesley told Howard that he's paid all of the taxes he's supposed to pay. His accountant took care of all of that stuff so if anyone is going to get in trouble for something like that, it will be him.
Howard told Wesley that it seems that he has a really great life and brought up how he must be banging all kinds of women. Wesley doesn't seem to like to talk about stuff like that though. Howard then got back to the taxes thing. Howard told Wesley that even if his accountant did his taxes, he still signed them and sent them in so he's responsible. He didn't seem to be aware of that fact.
Robin told Wesley that he should stick to doing action movies because when he tries to play softer, more sensitive parts, it doesn't work. She cackled and giggled as she told him this. Artie said he's good in comedy movies too though. Robin agreed with him and they mentioned ''Major League'' and a couple of others that he was good in.
Howard asked Wesley about Woody Harrelson and how he agrees with George Michaels about what he thinks about the war on terrorism being too much. Howard wanted Wesley to give Woody a message and went on to tell him his views on the terrorists. Wesley said he thinks we just need to go after ''the right people.'' Robin asked him if the people in the World Trade Center were the ''right people'' for the terrorists to get. She said that they don't care about getting the ''right people'' so we shouldn't either.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who had nothing to say other than the fact that he was from Orlando, Florida and he thought Wesley was from there too. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy though.
Howard got back to Wesley's sex life and tried to find out about his relationship with Halle Berry. Howard wondered what the turn-off was with her and why he walked away. Wesley joked around and didn't answer the question. Howard figures she must have been one big pain in the ass for him to have left her.
Gary came in and said that Wesley owns a security company and has a 200 acre training camp for them. Wesley said that's old news and spent a short time talking about why he has it and what he does with it.
Howard brought up a recent appearance Wesley made on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. At one point he accidentally called him ''Dave'' and Howard seemed to think that was pretty funny. Wesley said it was just a minor lapse of memory. Howard said he sometimes worries about being around Linda Lopez, Jennifer's sister, and accidentally calling her ''Jennifer'' but that hasn't happened yet. He then tried to get Wesley to talk about dating Jennifer Lopez, who he was calling ''Blopez'' for some reason. Wesley kept his mouth shut.
Howard took another phone call and the guy brought up the Angie Everhart story that Howard spoke of earlier in the week. The caller then told Howard that he read in ''Black Tail'' magazine that Star Jones claims that Wesley was the best at giving oral. He was joking of course. Howard never got around to telling Wesley about what Angie Everhart said about him. He got sidetracked and had to end the interview after about 20 minutes.
Vin the Retard was up first and he had one minute to do his stuff. Vin talked about being on the show 15 times as Vin the Retard. He joked about how people think his IQ is 60 after hearing him on the show when it's actually 70. That got some laughs from the guys. Vin did some other material for the rest of the minute and got a couple of laughs from the guys.
Sal was up next so Howard gave him his minute. He joked that he felt like Artie, a lot of fake laughter for his part because Fred was playing the laughter. Sal did a whole bunch of material about a bunch of stuff including jokes about taking his wallet out of his sock since Wesley Snipes left. He made jokes about Robin, Fred and Artie as well as Howard's big nose. He made some jokes about KC also before his minute was up.
Robin said she thought there would be a clear cut winner but there wasn't. She said neither of them are ready for prime time. She said she was laughing at Vin more but it was his delivery, not the jokes. She had to give Vin her vote. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Sal was horrible and he should give it up. She said she likes him but he was really bad. Artie ended up doing his impression of her and Sal just yelled at her.
Fred said Vin looks like a comedian and sounds like one. He got some laughs from him and didn't get any from Sal. Vin got Fred's vote too.
Artie said ''...a retarded guy is always funny... but enough about Sal.'' He went on to say that he laughed out loud 3 times when Sal did his stuff so he gave his vote to him.
Howard was up next and said that he had to give his vote to Vin. He said that Vin has the look and the delivery that Sal doesn't. He said Sal shows some promise but he's got to work on his material and delivery. Sal got a plug in for his web site HorseToothJackass.com where you can find out more about where he's doing his stand-up routine. Vin just said ''hi'' to a couple of friends of his before Howard ended the segment.
Howard also said that he was thinking recently how he used to be good friends with Jackie and hung out with he and his wife. Now they don't see each other at all. Howard said he feels that Jackie had a chip on his shoulder while he was working there. The woman who called in said that she thought of Jackie as part of the family on the show but Howard and Robin didn't see it that way. They pointed out how Jackie walked off the show many times before that and that proved that he really wasn't part of the family. He was just there for the money.
Chris told Howard about how he and his group of buddies went to see ''Private Parts'' when it came out. They were planning on seeing an awful movie but they ended up enjoying it. Howard said that he just watched Adam Sandler's ''Little Nicky'' the other day. Chris said he didn't want to hear this because he's friend's with Sandler. Howard continued and said that the first 10 minutes were pretty funny but after that the movie just went down hill. Chris refused to bad mouth his buddy though. Howard said he had to turn the movie off because it got so bad.
Howard moved on to talk about Chris' movie. Chris said he's been doing all of the shows to promote the movie. He was on Leno, Letterman and even Oprah. Howard asked him if he's going to do Hollywood Squares. Chris basically said he wouldn't stoop that low at this point in his career. He said there are some shows you do when you're on your way up and there are some you do when you're on your way out. He figures he's on his way up.
Howard brought up the latest Jesse Jackson controversy and how they just found another woman who Jesse was paying for some reason. Chris didn't want to bad mouth that guy either but he did say that he's glad he didn't have his HBO show when the story came out because he probably would have buried the guy.
Howard said he read that there is a lot of pressure on Chris to do well with this new movie. People are saying that it's a ''make or break'' type of movie and he's hoping it does well. Chris said that's partly true. He wrote the movie and he's hoping it really does well. He said he's seen it and it's good. He said he wouldn't be on the show if it wasn't good.
Howard spoke to Chris about hanging out with Jerry Seinfeld and how that's going. Chris said they enjoy each other's company and there's no competition between them because Jerry is so big. He's already done it all.
Howard took a few phone calls and one guy pointed out that Chris had some tooth work done. Chris said he admits to that. Howard also had some tooth work done after ''Private Parts''. He said he actually had some of his lower teeth pulled out to fix the mess that was there. He's never told anyone on the show about that before so Robin was surprised to hear that.
Captain Janks and Big Black both called in and had questions for Chris. Janks asked Chris if he ever saw Danny Glover's penis when he worked with him. Chris said he never saw it. Big Black said he was an extra in ''Down to Earth'' but Chris didn't remember him. Big Black said he was in the Apollo Theater scenes so keep your eyes open to see that rippled bald head of his.
Chris told Howard he doesn't know if his movie will beat ''Hannibal'' and he's hoping it will come in at least second at the box office this weekend.