Howard talked about an article that was in the NY Post about these nail salons in the city that women go to. The article says that the stuff they use at some of the places is rarely cleaned and can transfer diseases like herpes and AIDS among others. Howard spent a short time on that before Robin brought up a story that she saw in a Ann Landers column. Howard then took a few phone calls and got really irritated within a few seconds. One woman, a ''nail technician,'' had a problem with what Howard was saying about them just a few minutes earlier. Howard didn't know what her complaint was and told her she didn't have a problem if she's not one of the ''dirty'' shops.
Another phone caller was complaining about the new radio station in Lexington, KY. She said the station is screwing up the broadcasts by playing parts of the show over other parts of the show. She also complained that they play reruns of the show but not complete reruns of the show. It took her too long to get to her point so Howard got irritated with her very quickly. He complained about her after getting off the phone.
A woman called in and said that Howard was scaring her talking about nail salons because she's supposed to go for the first time this week. Howard told her to just avoid doing it until they get some new laws put into effect for the places.
Howard wanted to do some band rehearsal for the upcoming Battle of the Bands against Corey Feldman's band. They haven't rehearsed anything yet and they have to play tomorrow. Howard ended up talking about ''Son of the Beach'' instead when he was talking about who else would be on the show tomorrow. Artie told Howard he just saw last week's episode last night and brought up a bunch of stuff. He mentioned how big Jaime Bergman's breasts are now that she's pregnant. He also talked about the new cast member Amy Weber and how hot she is.
A listener called in to complain about Gary not coming out to meet the people who showed up to see him at a condo model appearance he made. Gary said it wasn't the condo model appearance though. He did a bunch of appearances and it was some comedy show appearance he did. The guy said Gary just wouldn't come over to him to say hello. Gary said he said hello to every guy he came across. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy who called in. Gary went on to talk about the appearance he made at this condo model. He said the guy who had him there said he might just sell a couple of condos because of that appearance.
Gary talked about Stuttering John's big party that was held over the weekend. John came in and said that Jackie the Joke Man actually showed up at the party. The guys said that Jackie has gained some weight since they last saw him. Melrose Larry Green was at the party so Howard said he's glad he didn't go. John said that Melrose isn't that bad and he's been hanging out with him since he started doing his comedy show. Howard heard that Ronnie the Limo Driver was wearing a ''lamp shade'' on his head at the party so he goofed on him about that for a couple of minutes. Howard also heard that no one from the show showed up at the party but John said that wasn't true. John said that a bunch of the E! guys showed up as well as Artie. John said that this party cost him about $7,000. He had the band Zebra playing and had to pay them about $3,000. The guys all said that the hardest thing to figure out is how John can afford this house he has. John said he has income coming from other places than the show. Gary was trying to figure out where it all comes from. The two of them ended up arguing with each other for a short time.
Melrose Larry called in and John quickly complained about the woman he brought to the party. He said she was really annoying and he should never bring her again. Melrose said it was the greatest day of his life though.
John said that he was upset that none of the interns got into bathing suits at the party. All of the guys shared quick stories about what happened at the party.
Howard said he didn't go to the party because he had to go up to Connecticut with Beth for her mother's birthday party. He was meeting some of her family members for the first time and it was kind of strange for him. He said her grandmother and mother seemed to like him. He said the family had a dog that he figured he go out and play with since he was part of the family that day. He said when the dog saw him he growled at him. One of the guys there told Howard they've never seen the dog do anything like that before. They figured that the dog would calm down at some point but it never did. The dog hated him for some reason. Howard said the family probably thought he was Satan and the dog knows that he's evil. Howard said the dog really made him look bad in front of Beth's family.
After taking another break Howard ended up playing clips of some songs that are featured in this week's ''Son of the Beach'' episode featuring David Arquette as Johnny Queefer. He moved on and killed some more time talking about a bunch of other stuff after that. They talked about a bunch of movies that Howard has seen lately as well as how hot chicks fall apart. They brought up Godie Hawn and how old she's getting to look. Robin said it's like watching an old building crumble slowly.
Someone brought up the picture they have of Gary on HowardStern.com where he's drunk and has a retarded look on his face. Someone took the picture and made Gary into an ape. Howard asked them to put that picture up instead of the original.
Howard complained about how the tabloid The Globe took the interview he did with Elijah Blue Allman and made it seem like it was their own. They give Howard one quick mention at the end of the article.
The guys spent a short time talking about how fat Rosie O'Donnell has become since her TV show ended. She's apparently gone up to around 300 pounds since the show ended. Howard said he's heard that she's just a miserable person and that's why she doesn't care about her weight.
After that commercial break Howard spent a short time talking about this baseball player who died over the weekend. The guys talked about that for a short time before Howard replayed part of last Friday's show where they interviewed Fred's unborn daughter. That killed about 10 minutes or so while Howard and the guys prepared for their rehearsal.
Howard read a review about Corey Feldman's music to Robin. The writer said that the music is weak to the point of being insulting to the audience. He complained about the band and Corey's on-stage moves. He also claims that half the audience walked out during the show.
Howard finally got around to the rehearsal. Howard had a special effect on his voice that made him sound like he was on the phone. He said this was their first rehearsal so it will be better tomorrow when they play. It sounded horrible to say the least. Howard said he couldn't hear the music when he was singing and the special effect they had on their voices was just awful. They were apparently performing a version of ''Spirit in the Sky'' but it was just about unrecognizable. They've changed it to be more current but that voice thing just made it unbearable.
Howard finished the song and said one of the problems was that he couldn't hear anyone but John's bass playing in his headphones. He tried to find out what the problem was asking Scott the Engineer but he was no help. Howard said that they're not going to lose to Corey. He seems to think that they're going to be ready by tomorrow. He said he'll probably have to spend 7 hours working on the mix himself.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from people who actually liked the idea of what they were doing with the song even though it didn't come out that great over the air. Of course there were some people who said that it was horrible. Howard said that it only sounds bad now because he has to work on the mix since his engineers can't seem to get it right. Howard continued to say that there's no way they're going to lose this thing tomorrow.
After taking another break Howard was still upset about the mix. He said that one of the interns came in during the break and told Howard what one of the problems was with an amplifier. Howard said it's so obvious what needs to be done and it's not being done. The intern said that they have their amps turned up too loud in the studio and it's echoing back on the air. Howard said the intern told them to just turn down the amps and turn it up through the air feed. Howard goofed on Scott for a short time but eventually moved on to his guest Suzanne Westonhoffler.
Howard spoke to her about her being a lesbian and all of the stuff that comes along with it. She's had a girlfriend for about 10 years now and she hasn't even come out of the closet yet. The girlfriend's parents know that Suzanne is a lesbian but they don't know that the two of them are dating.
Suzanne said that she has slept with men and it wasn't that bad. She said they're easy because they finish so quick. Women are much harder she says.
Howard asked her of she's going to have any kids or anything like that. She said that she became a lesbian to avoid having kids and a marriage. She said she's not interested in anything like that.
Howard had to take a break shortly after Suzanne came in but she stuck around to comment on some of the news stories that Robin did.
Suzanne is appearing at Caroline's Comedy Club in New York City tonight. You can find out more about Suzanne at her web site SuzanneW.com
Howard said the guys stayed until around 11am but they had to leave for a couple of hours. They all came back around 3:15 and spent a few more hours working on it.
Howard had Corey Feldman's music to play too. He played one song that was pretty bad. Howard said they really have to beat this guy and his band. They can't figure out what his influences are for his music.
Fred played some of the other The Losers songs that they've performed. Howard forgot all about their version of ''Court of the Crimson King'' which they beat Tina Yothers band with. Then there was ''Bang a Gong'' which also won them a Battle of the Bands. Howard said his favorite was ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' so Fred played that one too.
Stuttering John said that Howard has some moves down for this performance. Howard said he's dedicating the song to Joey Ramone because some of the moves he is borrowing from him.
Howard said that Corey always comes in dressed like a bad Michael Jackson impersonator so he's going to go with the ''grunge'' look. Stuttering John said that a Polo shirt isn't exactly ''Grunge'' though. Howard said it's just the fact that he's dressed like he doesn't care that counts.
Howard took a break and wanted to do one dress rehearsal before they actually take on Corey's band. Howard ripped a couple of wet farts before they played which apparently stunk up the studio.
Howard and the rest of The Losers did their thing and it actually did sound about the same as the tape Howard played a little earlier in the morning. Robin told Howard it should have been dedicated to Tiny Tim for some reason. She said that Stuttering John was making a face that looked pretty strange.
Gary told Howard that Scott the Engineer was very angry that he's been tossed out of the band. Howard said that Scott left to go bowling so they had to have someone to practice with and that's when they got Fred's guy Frank Fallon. Now he knows the song and he's in the band. Howard called Scott a ''baby'' but Scott says that he's not the baby. He said that he practiced over the weekend for a few hours so he deserves to be in the band. He said he didn't ask for any money to practice but Howard ended up offering him $20 for his time. Scott wouldn't take it so they offered to let him dance with the go-go girls. Scott said he'd sit this one out. Howard told him he's still in the band. Frank is just a guest member.
KC came in and said that Corey called while Howard was singing to say that he was 10 minutes away. When he called he was laughing at Howard's song. Howard wondered if Corey knows what that will mean if The Losers beat his band. It will show just how bad Corey's band is if they actually beat them.
Howard said that David is great in the part and he's very funny. He said that he's really not ''Mr. Courtney Cox'' like they call him. Howard said he wants to find a movie role for David to show off his real talent.
David said that he and his wife have already seen a tape of the show and they loved it. David said that Courtney is a big fan of the show.
Howard played a quick clip of tonight's episode ''Saturday Nigh Queefer.'' Howard said David really shines in this episode and he's going to try to submit it for an Emmy award.
Howard asked David how the marriage is going. David said that it's going great and the rumor about Courtney having a psychic on retainer is completely false. He said they may go to a tarot card reader once in a while but that's it.
Gary came in and said that there was a story in the Enquirer about Courtney joining some strange church because she wants to get pregnant and she thought that would help. David said that's not true either and sounded a little upset that Gary was the one who brought it up on the show recently. Howard asked David if there's something wrong with them not being able to have a baby yet. David said nothing is wrong and they're going to try and have a baby soon. He didn't want to talk too much about it but said there are no problems.
Howard asked David how his sisters are doing and brought up Nicolas Cage who was married to one of them. David said he's not a big fan of Nicolas'.
David told Howard he's got another movie coming out on July 19th called ''Eight Legged Freaks.'' Howard told him to just stick with ''Son of the Beach.''
Howard asked where Courtney was so David told him she was sleeping. Howard asked him to describe what she was wearing. David told him that she usually wears a tight t-shirt. Howard couldn't get much more of a description out of him though. He moved on to ask about anal sex instead. David wasn't talking about that though. Howard continued to talk to David for quite a while. David ended up telling Howard that he should visit them when he's out in L.A. Robin said that he always accepts offers like that but never goes to visit any of these celebrities.
A few Scores girls showed up to promote some web site (GotchaGirls.com) this morning so Howard had then dance during his performance. The Losers did their thing and it sounded as good as it did earlier in the morning. Howard told Corey that he knows they suck but he still thinks they're better than his band. Howard didn't get the judges opinion until after Corey's performance. Howard had to take a break first so Corey and his band could set up and do their sound check.
After the break Corey's 8 member band was ready to perform. Corey's fiancee Susie was also there for him. Howard said that he hopes that Corey will retire from performing if he loses to The Losers. Corey said that will never happen. He said even if he never releases another album he'd still continue to write music. They went ahead and performed the title track to their forthcoming album ''Former Child Actor.'' The album comes out August 6th. The band did their thing and when they were done the judges were ready to give their final judgement. Howard first had to ask if they were awake. He didn't pick up any phone calls because he didn't want to spoil the judges thoughts.
First up was Jerry Blair. Jerry asked if they could replace the lead vocalists in the bands. He was joking. He said he liked Corey's song, except for the lyrics. He went with The Losers. Up next was Matt Pinfield who said that both bands sucked but if he had to pick one of them, he'd have to go with The Losers. He said Howard and The Losers have the right vibe on stage. Matt said that Corey's band was tight but the lyrics weren't that great. He told Corey that he needs more focus in the lyrics. Finally, Brian said that he was sorry to Corey. He also had to go with The Losers. He said that usually a band would get extra credit for doing an original song but not when it's that bad.
Corey and his girlfriend weren't surprised that they lost to Howard on The Howard Stern Show. They knew it was going to happen even though Howard says that the judges are just being honest. Corey and Susie talked about how many people come to see them when they perform at clubs around the country.
Howard said that he hopes that Corey will give up on his singing career. Corey said that's just not going to happen. Howard congratulated himself for a few minutes before wrapping up the segment. He wished Corey luck with his film career and his music career.
Robin asked Corey why he's mad at Michael Jackson but he wasn't talking about it. Howard said Corey spoke to him during the commercial break about that but he's not divulging what they talked about.
Howard gave all of the guys plugs for their various stuff. Brian has a new movie coming out called ''Knock Around Guys'' coming out soon. Matt hosts The Buzz on K-Rock in New York, Sunday nights at 10pm. Jerry has a web site at LatinAlternative.com for the bands he promotes. You can also find out more about Corey Feldman and where he'll be appearing by visiting his web site CoreyFeldman.com. The GotchaGirls.com girls described the site as being like ''hot chicks doing 'Jackass' like stunts.''
Something happened in the middle of the song and it threw everyone off. Howard thought Fred played one of his things too long but Fred said that's not true. They weren't quite sure what it was.
Howard asked Robin what she thought of Howard's moves in this performance. She didn't think it was all that great.
Gary said he thinks that The Losers are starting to take themselves too seriously now. Howard said they're really not though. The E! guys replayed some of the video from the performance and Howard said they're going to have to reedit it. He said the dead on shots of him are horrible.
Amy had to go to dance lessons with David Arquette for tonight's episode. They do a lot of dancing and they had to learn what to do together.
Howard told Amy he's glad to see that she doesn't have a problem showing her breasts and ass on the show. He said she wears a thong bikini no problem and she's got a great ass. Amy said that she sometimes thinks that if she ever fell down she'd bounce back up because her ass is so round. She says that she's writing a work out book of her own also.
Amy has to kiss Tim Stack in the show so he wondered if that disgusted her. Other women have actually refused to kiss Tim on camera. Amy said she respects him a lot and she had no problem kissing him at all.
Howard heard that Steven Seagal came on to her in an audition one time. She told Howard that she did an audition for a maitre 'd part and Seagal had a fire going and needed to see her nude for the part. She said she ended up walking out on the audition. She said she's had a lot of guys hit on her too. She told Howard that she's only into guys and hasn't tried any lesbian stuff. Unfortunately she's engaged to a guy by the name of Dante.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked her if she'd like to sit on his face. She didn't seem to know what to say. Another caller asked her if she's into anal sex. She said that ''when you're in love the world is your oyster.'' Artie said that's good news for Dante.
Howard had Amy model her outfit for them. She was wearing a belly shirt and a skirt that she looked great in according to Howard. He said she's really hot.
Robin has seen tonight's episode already so she wondered how they did some of the stunts. In one scene Amy is bounced off the floor by her breast implants. Her implants break and she almost drowns from the amount of saline solution in them. She said she was in a harness for that stunt that allowed her to bounce. She said she does her own stunts in the show this season.
Amy told Howard she started her own web site AmyWeber.net where you can check her out. Howard asked her if it bothers her that guys will be wanking off to her image on the show. He then asked her if it bothered her that he was wanking off right then under the desk. She said it bothers her that she can't watch! Artie let out an ''Oh!'' when he heard that. Howard then wrapped up the segment and went to commercial break. ''Son of the Beach'' airs tonight at 10pm on FX.
Howard said he wants to retire The Losers now that they've beaten 5 celebrity bands. Stuttering John doesn't want them to retire though.
Howard took some phone calls which led to Howard talking about how good Corey's band actually was. He said the band sounded really good, it's just the celebrity in the band that brings them down. One caller talked about how pathetic Corey was at one concert he went to. He said that Corey was begging the crowd to buy his album during their breaks between songs.
One guy called in to defend Corey. He said he wasn't very happy that Howard was badmouthing Corey. He said that Corey is very talented and he was calling all the way from San Diego to complain. Howard wanted to take the guy and put him on with his ''assistant'' Wendy the Retard. Unfortunately Wendy wasn't there.
Gary came in and told Howard someone told him that Corey was yelling at one of his backup singers after the segment for some reason. It may have been because she was rooting for The Losers to win instead of Corey's band.
A caller brought up the chance that KC may fight Cabbie at the upcoming Joey Buttafuoco vs. Nicole Bass fight. Howard said he's not sure what to do about the KC vs. Cabbie thing though. He says that they have this great fight with Joey and Nicole. Howard said that he thinks Joey can win this fight because he's a man and knows how to fight.
Stuttering John said that it's too bad KC can't fight someone other than Cabbie. Robin said it's like they're rewarding Cabbie for his two losses. Howard said he'd like to see KC fight Stephen Baldwin but Stephen keeps backing out of it. Gary told Howard that the audience is split on the Cabbie thing. He said some guys tell him that they just want Cabbie gone and other people tell him that they want to see KC beat the crap out of Cabbie.
Mike Gange came in and asked what's going on with the fight between him and Gary. Gary said it's still up in the air but Howard says that he doesn't think that anyone knows who he is and they wouldn't care.
KC said that he's willing to fight anyone. Howard mentioned Chuck Zito and KC said that he'd get his ass beaten by Chuck... but he'd do it. KC said he'd even take on pro fighter Shannon Briggs. Howard said he'd like to see Stuttering John take on AJ Benza. John doesn't want to fight again because he doesn't want to give up drinking beer again like he did for the Cabbie fight.
Howard said he'd like to see the Conjoined twins vs. The Groundhog Brothers or the Conjoined twins vs. Themselves. That led to a bunch of other combinations. One caller suggested that Robin take on Dominic Barbara. She beat his ass in a basketball game so she might be able to beat him in a fight. The name Adam Carolla came up as a possibility for KC to fight. KC said that he has no idea how to fight so if Adam does, he may be able to beat him. Howard is still picking KC over Adam though. KC was willing to take on any of these guys. He said he'd even get in the ring with Mike Tyson for 3 minutes if he had the chance. Howard then wondered if it's legal to have someone with an 89 IQ, like KC, fight a professional fight. With that he moved on to the news.
Howard complained about the playback of The Losers performance he saw during the show yesterday. He said he looks horrible in the tape. He thinks he looks like Joey Ramone in it and Joey wasn't a great looking guy. Artie told him he's better looking that Joey. Howard said he doesn't want to hear from a guy that he's good looking. Artie said he didn't say Howard was good looking, just better looking than Joey.
A caller told Howard he enjoyed last night's ''Son of the Beach'' last night. He said that they showed a replay of an old ''Son of the Beach'' after the new one and that was funny also. He said that goes right into Howard's E! show so it's a great night of TV.
Howard took a break and came back talking about how this law Governor George Pataki put into effect under his name where road construction is supposed to only take place at night. Howard said that they're not exactly following the law because roads are constantly being worked on. He was wondering if he should call the Governor and complain about it.
Howard said he's kind of grumpy because he just changed underwear brands and they don't fit right. He said he was wearing briefs this morning instead of his usual Calvin Kleins. Gary came in and said he and Stuttering John were just having a conversation about why Howard was so irritated this morning. It was just the underwear. He ended up showing Robin his DKNY breifs which Robin just giggled at. She said 10 years ago he wouldn't have pulled down his pants to show her something like that.
Howard ended up telling Gary to get out of the studio because he was getting even more irritated just listening to him talk. Howard went on to talk about what it's like to have a ''package'' like that in his underwear for a short time.
Howard moved on and said that Ronnie the Limo Driver and his wife were wondering what the original Paul Newman's salad dressing was. Was it Italian dressing or olive oil and vinegar. Howard said that he's pretty sure it was Italian. Howard wanted someone to call in with the info to settle the debate. Ronnie and his wife have a $1000 bet on this debate. Ronnie came in and said he's sure it's the oil and vinegar. Howard said this is what happens when you run out of things to talk about after being married too long. Ronnie told Howard he's been married 29 years and it's coming up on 30 in October.
Howard and Ronnie spent some time talking about friends of theirs who have gotten divorced. Howard also talked about his own divorce and how he hasn't gone back in his pool since his wife got the house. Yesterday he had to sit on the side of the pool while his kids were swimming.
Stuttering John came in and said that their researcher, Will, went on the Newman's Own web site and found the answer to the question. Ronnie and Howard both thought it was the oil and vinegar and they were right. Ronnie wins the $1000 from his wife... but it's like he's winning his own money anyway.
Howard got back to the divorce stuff and how much it sucks. He discussed the 50/50 split of the assets and how ridiculous that is when one of the spouses doesn't work to earn that 50 percent. Stuttering John seems to think that if he ever got divorced, his wife would be cool about it and not take everything from him. Howard said he thinks John will be divorced eventually and she'll take him for all he's worth. That led to the guys all talking to John about what's going to happen to him if they get divorced. John has a house on Long Island that he thinks he'll get to keep if they get divorced. He said his wife doesn't like Long Island and she'd stay in the city. Howard and Gary told him the house will be gone even if she says she wants to live in the city. She'll take his favorite things like the house. Gary told John that there's a possibility that John could lose the house and not be allowed to go in without knocking. John said he doesn't think he's getting a divorce anyway. He wondered if the guys think that he'd be the first one to get a divorce. Howard said he doesn't think that Fred will divorce so maybe it would be John.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and told Howard how some people get post-nuptial agreements done. He was giving Howard some great ideas about how you bring this stuff up during a marriage. Artie said he could see the wheels turning in Stuttering John's head. Dominic had some great ideas about how you sneak a post-nup on a spouse. He said you can tell them that you have an IRS audit coming and you want to protect yourself. There are other ways to protect businesses and partners with post-nups.
One guy called in and told the guys about how he got screwed. He said the house he was living in with his wife was actually owned by her sister so he got nothing out of that when he got divorced.
Dominic told a couple of horror stories about divorces and Jessica Hahn called in to talk about a cohabitation agreement she has with her boyfriend. She said she signed it and said that she doesn't get anything from him if they split up. Artie said that he doesn't think that he could ever ask a woman to sign something like that if he got married.
Howard wrapped up the divorce conversation telling everyone to think long and hard before getting into a marriage. He's still claiming that he's against the whole marriage thing.
Howard gave a shout out to Soul Brother Kevin from The Monsters of the Midday in Orlando, Florida. He had a song called ''You Can Say Nigga On The Radio'' that Howard played real quick.
Mike went on to tell Howard it was just a few weeks after he had oral that he found out he had cancer. He said he first noticed that his taste buds were screwed up and he couldn't taste anything. He went to the doctor and was informed that he has this form of cancer Leukoplakia. He said that he knows that he got it from the oral sex. Howard had some notes about the form of cancer and it said that it's found in people who have AIDS but Mike says that he doesn't have AIDS.
Howard wondered what Mike wanted to tell everyone. He was warning guys to be careful on who they give oral to. Howard wasn't so sure this guy got it from oral sex but he wanted to hear his story. Mike says he doesn't know of any other way he could have gotten it. Mike is really upset about it and there's a chance he can lose his tongue because of it.
Howard told Mike that he should go to a real doctor since he went to some herb doctor or something like that. A real doctor called in and told Howard that you don't develop cancer over just 3 weeks like Mike claims he did. He probably had it much longer than that and it was just coincidence that he noticed it shortly after he had the oral. The doctor also said that there are things you can catch from oral sex but cancer isn't likely. He said if a woman stinks like this woman apparently did, you may want to avoid it. You should also avoid anyone with vaginal warts. Howard didn't want Mike scaring his audience with this stuff anymore so he wrapped up the interview.
Howard moved on and replayed the old tape of news reporter Jessica Savitch freaking out off camera one time. She was getting pissed that no one was counting her down for this segment she was doing. Howard goofed around with that for a short time. He'd already done the same thing last week though.
Howard read through some of the e-mail they've gotten. A lot of people don't want Cabbie to fight KC but some would like to see KC kick Cabbie's ass. They also don't care about Gary fighting Mike Gange.
Howard read some mail about how much both The Losers and Corey Feldman's band sucked yesterday. That led to Howard talking about how strange Corey was during his performance. He was doing all kinds of dance moves and singing into a handheld camera. Howard actually wanted to hear Corey's song again. Gary didn't have it ready because he didn't think Howard would want to hear it.
Howard said they got mail about Gary and John's money discussion from yesterday also. People want to see the two of them going at each other on the E! show.
Howard said that he read that a lot of women are wearing the wrong size bra and he wants to do something about it. He put the word out that he wants women who think they have the wrong size bra to contact the show so they can come down and be fitted with the correct size. You can call 1-800-44-STERN if you're interested.
Howard announced that they're going to have a dial-a-date show soon with Michelle the ''Wrap Up'' girl from ''Son of the Beach.'' She appears at the end of the shows this season and she's really hot. Guys will have the chance to win a full weekend date with her. They already have the guys picked for the contest though.
Howard said they're going to do a ''Beat the Geeks'' game where people will compete for $10,000 courtesy of RisqueVideo.com. Howard will be the Superman geek and Artie will be a geek for something else. Gary came in and gave out a little bit of info but ended up pissing off Howard when he didn't give out the phone number (1-800-44-STERN). Howard ended up telling Gary to get out of the studio. Fred played a couple of Gary songs to goof on him even more.
Howard wanted to play the Corey Feldman song ''Former Child Actor'' but someone screwed up and didn't give him a note about where it was or something like that. He ended up yelling at Gary even more even though it wasn't exactly his fault. (Howard's underwear must have still been bothering him.) Howard finally played the song and described what Corey was doing during parts of it. He and Robin were laughing at it as they listened. Howard only made it through about 30 seconds of the song before he shut it off. He said Corey looked like ''Patrick Swayze with cancer'' the way he did his hair up for the show. Robin said you don't even hear the music when you watch the video of Corey. Howard played a bit of The Losers' performance too as he went to commercial break.
This time they were playing for Chaka's ass. Chaka is on HaremVision.com where she appears on a voyeur cam. When she walked in Howard said she was really cute, too cute to be on the show doing this Butt Billionaire thing. Robin said she looked like she was underage and they should card her. KC said she's 25 so they already did card her. Howard asked her why she never went the ''conventional way'' instead of stripping on a web site. She said she guesses that she's just a dirty little slut. She said she loves sex and loves it in the butt. Howard asked her if she's ever had anal and she said she hasn't. What? She loves it in the butt but she's never had it in the butt? She seemed to be a bit confused. She finally said that she has had anal in her life. She didn't seem to understand what he was talking about at first.
Howard explained to her that two freaks were going to come in and compete for the chance to get anal. He wanted her to back out if she wanted to right then. She said she knew what it was about and hoped that KC was one of the guys competing. Howard broke the news that he's not one of the guys competing.
Howard had Chaka show him her thong underwear and saw that there were some bruises. She said it's from something she does at work where she banged her ass.
Howard didn't seem to like Chaka's name. He told her she should be a Jillian or something. She said there were about 1000 women working at this place she works so she needed a unique name and that's what she went with.
Howard introduced the guys who would be competing for her butt. John the Stutterer was first in followed by Drunken Jeff. He was already drunk and pissed that he didn't have a console to stand in front of. He gave Chaka a ''NICE!'' and asked if he could sit next to her on the couch. Howard told him he can't do that and told him to stand there. Chaka was having second thoughts on this anal thing after seeing these two guys. John the Stutterer said that he was going to let Jeff win because he was insulted by Chaka's reaction to him. Both of them were insulted by her reaction to them. John actually backed out of the game and started badmouthing her. He called her an ''Arogant F'n C'' and went off on her like she'd turned him down at a bar. He told her ''Drop dead you bitch!'' and she hadn't done anything yet. Jeff was still ready to play though.
Howard asked Chaka what she thought about what John said. She goofed on him and stuttered out her answer... goofing on John just like all of the ''f'ing c's'' that goof on him in the bars down in Philly.
Howard had Chaka show Jeff her butt to give him an idea of what he was playing for. Jeff gave it a couple of ''Oh my gods.''
Howard said that Jeff had to get at least 3 out of 5 right to win. Here are the questions and Jeff's answers:
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Jeff is one of the most annoying guests they have. He said they put him in the green room and tell him to stay put. He just walks around calling the interns bitches and stuff like that instead. KC said Jeff will even call him on the phone from the green room just to bug him.
Jeff said the last time he was there he took a picture with the guys and Howard didn't smile. He asked Howard if it would kill him to smile. Howard said there's nothing to laugh about with Jeff and that's why he didn't smile. Jeff said the only one who did smile was Artie. Stuttering John said that he had to stand between Howard and Jeff in that picture so he wouldn't be too close to him.
Jeff complained that he didn't get the $250 cash that Gary promised him the last time he was on the show. Gary said it just takes a couple of weeks to get that stuff. He offered him something from Lobster Gram but Jeff said ''I hate lobster you S.O.B!'' He said he only wanted ''Cold, Hard, Cash.''
Chaka ended up showing Howard her breasts before she left. Howard said they were small but nice. He said he wouldn't bother with implants because they were so nice. Howard wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
After taking a break Howard spent a few minutes talking about the Martha Stewart controversy that's going on. She allegedly sold off stock after getting a tip from the owner of the company and now she's being investigated. Howard said that really is wrong to do and he's not surprised that they're going after her. Artie wondered if Howard is ever tempted to do stuff like that because he's sure there are people who would want to help Howard out. Howard said he's asked the owner of the company he works for to tell him if he's ever going to leave so he can sell off his stock. Howard said Mel told him that he can't do that because that would be an insider tip and it would be wrong. Howard said if anyone else came up to him with insider tips he'd call the stock exchange on them.
John the Stutterer stuck around after the game to hang out during Robin's news. Howard told him he should have just gone through with the game even if the chick wasn't into him. He could have just banged her and left. John (stuttering up a storm) told Howard he's not a big fan of ''the Hershey highway'' anyway so it wasn't a big loss. John said if he was going to go through with it he would have tried to convince Chaka to let him ''eat her flaflooflie'' instead of riding the Hershey highway. Howard let Robin do her news after talking to John.
Howard said Artie had some ''business'' to take care of today so he had to fly out to L.A. last minute. He's apparently working for ''The Best Damn Sports Show Period'' covering the NBA draft. He had to stay up all night editing the piece or something crazy like that.
Gary told Howard about what Artie was doing which led to them talking about the draft for a short time.
Howard asked Adam if he'd be willing to fight KC since they were talking about that yesterday. Adam thought for a second and said ''Yeah...'' like it was no problem. Howard told Adam about the upcoming Joey Buttafuoco vs. Nicole Bass fight. Howard said he was also thinking of having Gary fight Ralph. Howard said that Ralph is an athletic guy so he'd have a chance. Gary told Howard that Ralph really isn't ''athletic'' though. He said he's in good shape but he's not athletic. They also talked about how Ralph throws punches like a girl. Gary has seen that first hand and thinks that he would beat Ralph in a fight. Stuttering John said he'd love to see that fight. Even Gary was up for it so it might just happen.
Adam said that he boxed when he was like 19-20 but hasn't done it much since then. He said he's stayed in shape since then though.
Howard gave Adam a plug for his Love Line show as well as Comedy Central's ''The Man Show'' and ''Crank Yankers'' which just got picked up for another 20 episodes.
Howard mentioned that actress Catherine Bell will be on the show tomorrow. She was a body double at one point so Howard and the guys spent some time talking about other body doubles.
Howard took a call from a guy who complained about the fact that Howard isn't allowed to say certain words on his E! show while on the FX show ''The Shield'' they can say ''suck my dick'' and ''asshole.'' Howard said that censorship has gotten ridiculous on his show. He said that he has to have a meeting with General Manager Tom Chiusano because the other day when he said diarrhea, it got bleeped. Howard said it's time to fight the FCC over crap like that.
Howard brought up the news that the Supreme Court has found forcing kids to say the Pledge of Allegiance in school to be unconstitutional. Howard said they're right and they shouldn't be forcing kids to bring up God in public schools. He later said that they're all nuts and it doesn't mean anything so there's no reason to get upset over it. Adam Carolla suggested that they replace ''God'' with the word diarrhea. Howard tried to say the pledge but had to be reminded of the exact wording. Adam said that they should also replace the word ''indivisible'' because he's seen fourth graders all drop off at the end while saying the pledge.
Howard moved on and said that he's going to a wedding over the weekend so he called his parents to find out what the going rate for a gift is. He was told that it's $300 per person. That led to everyone talking about gifts and weddings for a short time. Howard brought up Gary's marriage and how his wife has changed since they got married. Gary said he was up at 4:30am, worked all day, battled traffic for an hour and a half, came home and gave the kids a bath while his wife went out shopping for a dress for a wedding they're going to. Then he goes down to the kitchen and his wife asked him to take out the garbage. Then his wife says ''that's the least you could do.'' Gary said he almost snapped when he heard that. Howard said he would have taken the garbage and dumped it on the floor if his wife said something like that to him. Gary said he felt like saying that there wouldn't be any garbage in the house if it weren't for him working all day.
One guy called in and told Howard and the guys his horror story about getting separated after just 8 months of marriage. Robin knows the guy because he used to clean her pool. Robin was really surprised that he was separated already. She thought he'd found the love of his life. After telling his story Jimmy told Howard how Robin fired him when he didn't show up to clean her pool because he was at his grandfather's funeral or something like that. Robin said it was more than that. She said he was never there when she needed him so she had to let him go.
Stuttering John asked Gary why his wife didn't go shopping for the dress while Gary was at work. She only had one of the kids with her during the day. Gary didn't really know why she didn't do that. John also said that if his wife asked him to take the trash out he'd tell her to get the hell out of the house.
After another break Howard came back and said that he worked out so hard yesterday that he almost threw up. Stuttering John said he's going to disappear one of these days if he keeps working out like that. He thinks Howard is too skinny. Gary said that Howard is 5 pounds away from starring in the next Steven Spielberg holocaust movie.
Someone brought up Jack LaLanne's name and Adam said he was actually at Jack's house about 10 hours before. Howard spent a short time talking about how bad Jack looks at 88 even though he works out so hard. Howard admits he won't look as good as Jack when he's 88 but right now, he looks better than the guy.
Stuttering John got back to the wedding gift discussion and said that Ralph gave him a fake check for a million bucks as a joke at his wedding and never gave him anything else. John said that Ralph said he was going to send him something else but never did. Howard said that's really low to go to a wedding and not give any type of gift at all.
All of the guys brought up how to tip hotel chamber maids and other stuff like that. Gary and John were wondering what they should give the former E! show producer Scott Einziger when he gets married again. John ended up talking about how little some of the people gave him for his wedding. His buddy who is a big record producer only gave him $100 as a gift. Howard couldn't believe that.
After the interview Howard played some tape of Mohammed Ali mumbling some stuff that no one could understand. They goofed around with that for a short time and talked about some other stuff.
Gary and Stuttering John said that Dave is a really good DJ and he may have been given an offer that he couldn't refuse. John heard that he was pretty much forced into taking the job or he'd be off the station. Tom said that wasn't true though.
This whole thing came up because Adam said the term ''beat off'' during that earlier segment. Tom says that it's all in the context of the conversation. Howard says he knows that and the diarrhea thing was in the right context and yet it was also censored out of the show.
Howard took a break and calmed down during that time. When he came back he went off on Charles Grodin's bad Andy Rooney impression on ''60 Minutes II.'' Howard played a clip of Grodin acting like a moron interviewing people at a book expo about their books. At one point he asks a woman about her book about Feng Shui. Howard said you know Grodin knows what it is but he pretends he doesn't and acts dumb while the woman describes it. Howard said the guy has no point and doesn't make any jokes in this bit. He said that Grodin is ''death'' to any program he appears on. The segment ends abruptly and there was no point to it at all. Adam did his impression of Grodin doing these lame bits of his. Howard did some of his own and made it actually funny. Adam had Howard laughing hysterically a couple of times with his Grodin impressions.
Howard had Jessica laying down on a bed in the studio so she could do her thing. She had a vibrator with her to get her going. Howard kept trying to quiet her down during this segment because she just kept talking. Jessica turned on her vibrator and went at it. She immediately started moaning. Howard thought that it had to be fake but she says she really gets off that quick. Howard said she was wearing a thong that she pulled to the side to get into her ''garage.'' She had her first orgasm within a minute. Howard had her yell out numbers as she had her orgasms. Jessica's friend came in to help her out with this stuff. The friend was going to pull her hair and spank her while she did this stuff. Within minutes Jessica was up to number 4. She yelled out ''Four'' like she was in a golf tournament. Howard went to break right around the time she was up to number 6... working on 7. Howard let the audio feed through as they were cutting away to break and she was quickly up to number 15. They left the audio up through the commercial break so you could hear the moaning and screaming the whole time.
After the break Jessica was up to number 47 or so. By 9:50 she hit 60 and stopped. She wanted to give up after 50 or so but the guys encouraged her to keep going. She said she felt like she was giving birth at one point but the guys kept encouraging her. By the time she hit 60 only 21 minutes had passed according to Doug Goodstein from E!. Howard said her name will go down in the history of The Howard Stern Show after that performance. Robin had tried to do her news while Jessica was moaning but it was very hard to do. Once Jessica was done Robin went on with the news. Jessica dances at Anthony's in South Hadley, Massachusetts for those who are interested in seeing her.
Sal the Stockbroker called in as God and did a lame joke about how he wants Adam Carolla off the show because he's unfunny. Howard figured out it was Sal and told him that Adam is a hell of a lot funnier than him. He hung up on him but then remembered that Sal sent in some writing samples for the show that Howard thought were pretty bad. Sal called back a few minutes later and eventually told Howard he could read them on the air. Sal wrote some jokes that were too long about Cindy Crawford going up into space and one about Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards. Howard read them as if he were just saying the lines on his own. They weren't funny so Fred played some cricket sound effects in the background after each one. After the second joke Adam was silent for a few seconds and then said that he wasn't able to talk because he was laughing so hard. Sal still insists that he's funnier than Adam and Benjy (who is now writing for Howard like Jackie used to do). He was about to offer a challenge to the two of them but Howard hung up on him before he could get it out.
Gary told Howard that the only time Sal is funny is when he's goofing on him. He apparently tries to write jokes about other people in the same way but they don't seem to work.
After a commercial break Adam gave some advice to Sal. He said that if he really wants to break into the writing field, he has to hook up with a successful writer to create a team... Then he has to kill himself. That's the only way it'll work according to Adam.
Howard's microphone was cutting out within the first 2 minutes of the show so Scott the Engineer came in, unplugged it and plugged it back in. Howard said Scott then looked at him as if to say ''That should do it.'' It actually worked a little bit better after that but it was still sounding odd.
Howard got back to the John Entwistle discussion. He said that he doesn't think this will stop The Who from touring. KC came in and said that John the Stutterer, who's a big classic rock fan, called him last night to give him the news. He said it took him a while to get the news out of him. Robin said that maybe they should talk to John about this today. Artie said that would be good, from 6:30 to 7:00 John the Stutterer would get the word ''Entwistle'' out.
The guys spent some time talking about The Who and whether or not they actually need Entwistle to make the band complete. John the Stutterer called in and gave his opinion on Entwistle's bass playing. Howard ended up arguing with John about who the best bass player was. John was saying it was Chris Squire but Howard said it was Jack Bruce. Howard seemed to be just doing it to get John to stutter more and more. The two of them went back and forth a bunch of times until John cracked and got stuck like a broken record for a few seconds. After hearing some of his arguments Howard said that John really needs to get laid. He's thinking about this crap too much.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) from Steppin' Out Magazine called in to give his two cents on the John Entwistle story. He changed the subject and brought up the interview he did with Howard's girlfriend Beth. Howard said that Beth really does look good on the cover of the magazine. That led to them talking about the calendar that Beth has out now which is available at bethO.com. Howard said Beth won't tell him how many they've sold so far. The guys spent a little while talking about that. Then Gary came in and brought up how Chaunce isn't Chaunce's real name. It turns out that Chaunce was a nick name and his real name is Steven. Howard wondered why he would change it from Steven to Chaunce. Howard then spent some time goofing on the bad Chaunce's tattoo that Chaunce has on his back.
Howard said the interview Chaunce did turned out to be fine. He said he got upset when Chaunce started giving out bits of the interview to the NY Post and some TV show who took some comments out of context and made her look dopey. Chaunce said he was just trying to do the right thing for Beth.
A listener called in bitching and moaning about how all of Howard's buddies are kissing Beth's ass when they talk about how beautiful she is. Howard couldn't figure out what the guy's problem was though. The guy also bitched about how he can bench press more weight than KC. KC came in and congratulated the guy and called him an idiot. The guy told KC that he should be benching about 60 pounds more than he is now but no one cared. Howard then took a break to get away from the craziness.
After the break Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Howard's girlfriend Beth looks ''Jewish.'' He thinks that Howard has a fascination with Jewish chicks. Howard said he can't imagine how he could think Beth looks Jewish. She's about as far from the ''Jewish'' look as you can get.
Howard moved on to talk about the new Adam Sandler movie ''Mr. Deeds.'' Every review Howard read was horrible but then you see the ads for the movie and they have quotes saying that it's ''Fabulous'' and stuff like that. He said that really pisses him off. Howard went on to say that Winona Ryder looks really uncomfortable in her role in the movie. He said she looked more comfortable going to court for her shoplifting charges.
Howard put John the Stutterer back on the phone and spent more time talking about John Entwistle's death. Howard said he interviewed the guy 10 years ago and he looked like he was over 60 back then. He was only 57 when he died on Thursday. Howard also pointed out that John died in the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino out in Las Vegas. Howard said this will be great for them because now they can have a ''John Entwistle'' room there. Howard said he wouldn't be surprised if they already have him in a glass case on display there.
Howard let John the Stutterer talk more about Entwistle for a couple of minutes. John didn't get much out. Howard told John that he should try to become a musician himself since he knows so much about music. John said he's tried to play but he's not that good.
Howard moved on and spent some time talking about Sheryl Crow and how she's getting a lot of mileage out of the fact that she's 40 years old. He said in ever interview she does they talk about her being 40. Howard went to another break after talking about that for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he got the ''Larry Sanders'' first season DVD set and noticed that they list 14 episodes on the box but there's only 11 episodes on the DVDs. Fred said he had the same problem so it must have been a mistake or someone left them out on purpose.
Howard went over and measured her. Isaac and Gary were helping Howard figure out the measurements and how to figure them out. After measuring her they came up with a zero measurement meaning that she shouldn't even need a bra. Her breasts were kind of small according to Howard but he took a second measurement just to make sure. He came up with a different measurement this time. Isaac said that she's a 36-A cup going by the measurements they took. They gave her a new bra to wear based on those measurements.
Caroline had said that she wasn't dating anyone at Princeton so Howard wondered why. She said she has done some chicks in the past so they spent a short time talking about that. They then had her put on the new bra they gave her. Howard said it looked really good on her. Howard said that it looked good on her.
Howard asked Caroline more about the lesbian thing. It turns out she has a boyfriend though. She told Howard that she met him at an AA meeting.
Howard kept digging to find out more about this girl. He figured out that she has low self esteem and she was abandoned by her mother when she was young. Howard said that's a home run in his book. A hot chick with low self esteem whose mother left her is a sure fire hit in his book. Stuttering John came in and asked if she'd be willing to get into a bikini bottom since she didn't want to get naked. She agreed to it and got into the bikini. All of the guys were impressed when she came out. Howard said she's got a great body. Gary said she'd be ''smokin'' if she had implants to bump her up to a B-cup.
Howard asked Caroline more about the AA stuff and what she was into. She said she was also doing drugs. She said that she was shooting up speedballs. She also told Howard that her mother was a drug addict and that's why she left when she was a teenager. Caroline told Howard she's done just about every type of drug. Almost every drug they mentioned she'd done. Howard couldn't believe that she did all of that but she still got a 1580 on her SATs and goes to Princeton. The guys said just imagine what she could do if she didn't do all of that stuff. She said she was in and out of rehab 3 times.
Howard seemed fascinated with her stories so he kept questioning her about some of the stuff she's done. Everything she was saying was what the guys wanted to hear. She said that she never had to ''do a guy'' to get coke because her grandparents have a lot of money and they always gave some to her.
Caroline said she wants to become a forensic scientist which surprised Howard. He said she could make a lot of money as a stripper.
After Caroline said she shaves everything, Howard asked her what it would take to get the bikini bottom off. She said that if Howard hooks her up with implants, she'd show him everything. Howard agreed to send her to Dr. Calabro so she took the bottoms off. Artie said this was the greatest show in the world and bragged that he was at work right then, looking at a naked, hot chick. Howard said she really was shaved and looked amazing.
Dr. Sal Calabro (SalCalabro.com) was on the phone and ready to do the work. Howard and the guys told him not to go any bigger than a B-cup when he does her implants. Dr. Calabro said that he goes by what the women want and sometimes they want huge ones. Howard and Gary told him to stick with the B though.
Howard spent some time talking about Artie's drinking and drug abuse after Dr. Calabro's call. They ended up talking about some other stuff too before Howard wrapped up the segment. Howard was talking about how he was pitching a new TV show to his buddy Lloyd Braun over at ABC. He talked about that and explained to Robin how the TV networks work and why he thinks ABC can become a number one network again. He wrapped up the segment shortly after that.
Howard spent some time talking about some other quick stuff. He had a bunch of tapes that he wanted to go through also. Some listeners wanted to talk more about John Entwistle but Howard said he'd already done enough on that subject. He wound up talking about it anyway though.
Howard played a tape that one of the guys on the show put together from clips of the BET Hip Hop Awards. It featured the ''Hip Hop Vernacular'' used during the show. There was a lot of ''Y'all'' and ''first and foremost'' lines and some other stuff like that. Howard spent some time playing with that. Howard said that Will Smith has become really annoying and played some of the clips of him talking at the awards show. Will thanked Mohammed Ali at one point and that led to Howard and Artie goofing on Ali's mumbling for a short time. Howard had to cut off the tape of Will Smith because he was rambling so much.
Howard had a new Rosie O'Donnell clip to play too. They interviewed her for Entertainment Tonight and she talked about how President Clinton wasn't the man she thought he was when she found out he lied about having sex with an intern. Howard told her to get used to people lying because a lot of people do it.
Howard brought up a clip he saw from ''Late Show with David Letterman'' where President Bush wiped his glasses on someone's scarf while she was standing next to him during a commercial break. Howard said Letterman has been replaying the clip and it's really great. Howard said a guy like that shouldn't invade a woman's space like that and it shows just how arrogant the guy is. Howard said he's not down on President Bush that much but that was just odd behavior.
Howard played a new Mr. Skin Minute from MrSkin.com. Mr. Skin gives us a heads up on what new nudity is available in movies and home video releases. It turned out to be last week's though... Howard had the new one so he played that one. Mr Skin says that there is no nudity in the new Adam Sandler movie ''Mr. Deeds'' this week. He said he did get to see a preview of the Heather Graham movie ''Killing Me Softly'' and 37 minutes in you get to see her cans. Mr. Skin also talked about the upcoming Madonna movie ''Swept Away'' which was supposed to show some full frontal nudity. Her husband is cutting out those scenes because they weren't ''flattering'' to her.
Melrose was at the party too. He told Howard he doesn't want to talk too much during his segment. He was keeping pretty quiet but eventually started rambling. He was wearing a raccoon skin cap with a wire attached to it for some reason. Melrose says he came in to complain about the intro that John gives him at the comedy shows they do. He explained how John counts down his 2 minutes on stage even though he's supposed to get 6 minutes. He also complained that John tries to keep him exclusively in his comedy tour. John complained that a bunch of the guys that do his comedy show are doing other comedy shows around the country and he'd like to have them stick to his comedy show. John said he doesn't say that they can't do the other shows, he'd just prefer that they don't.
Howard didn't seem to care about any of this so he just wanted Melrose to leave. Melrose wanted to do a couple of jokes for Howard but they were so bad that no one laughed. Howard told him that he's just not funny. Melrose got a plug in for his web site MelroseLarry.com and for the comedy show they're doing tonight up in Boston at the Comedy Connection.
Melrose kept talking about stuff even though Howard seemed to want to wrap up the segment. They ended up talking about the annoying woman Melrose brought to John's party.
Artie said that they were back stage at the Atlantic City comedy show and Melrose was there. Big Black came in the room and Melrose shuffled him out. Artie asked him why he did that and Melrose said that it was going to become a freak show if people like that started hanging out in there. Melrose says that he's become part of the ''mainstream'' on the show because he's hanging out with John and Gary more. Howard still says that he's annoying though. He told Melrose to get out of the studio and Melrose said ''See ya in a couple of years'' which was actually pretty funny. He went out on a high note. John said that Melrose is going to be driving up to Boston with comedian Nick Dipaolo who says that he might kick Melrose out of the car on the way up.
Howard and the guys ended up talking to John about how bad he's become as far as leering at chicks. They said that Gary used to be the one who leered at the hot chicks in the studio but John has taken over that spot. He was talking about how hot Howard's girlfriend is and how he was one of the first 500 people to purchase her calendar. That means that she has to sign it for him. Howard seems to think that it's kind of disturbing the way John acts toward her.
Howard had to take a break but he wanted Catherine Bell to come in to see the way John looked at her.
Stuttering John asked her if her breasts are real. She claims that they are. John was touching his crotch and leering at Catherine as soon as she came in. Howard asked him what he would give up to have her. John said if his wife said it was okay he'd give her $1000 or $2000 to have sex with her. Artie was laughing hysterically at his answer. Gary asked him if he would pay $50,000 to have sex with her if he had the chance. He said he'd never pay that much to have sex with a woman. He said she might be able to get him up to $5000 but not 50.
Howard spent a short time talking to Catherine about the TV show ''JAG'' which she stars in. She recited one of her lines that she had to memorize years ago. John asked her if there was any way to get her in a bikini while she was in. She didn't sound interested.
The guys talked about some of the other stuff Catherine has been in including being a body double in the movie ''Death Becomes Her.''
Howard also offered to measure Catherine for a bra like he did earlier in the show. She agreed to that after Howard explained how JC Penny has this add talking about how some women don't wear the correct size. She went over and let Howard measure her. Howard did his thing and came up with an A-cup but they were obviously not that small. Howard said they had to be a D. She claims they're a C.
Howard took a commercial break and said that Catherine told him that ''JAG'' as been on the air for 7 years now. He said she must be making some decent money now if it's been on that long. He also found out that she's been married for 8 years. Howard invited both of them to the movie he's going to see tonight. He spent more time talking to Catherine about her life. She says that she didn't know her father very well when she was younger and she's not even sure if he's alive today. She said she heard that he died in a car accident but she's not sure about that. She told Howard that her mother never married her father but she did have a dad around while she grew up.
Catherine told Howard that she wasn't good looking in high school She was tall and skinny and she had ears that stuck out. She said she had to have them pinned back. She also told Howard that she lost her virginity pretty young to a friend of hers who she just wanted to experiment with.
Howard asked her about when she started acting and about the body double thing she did for Isabela Rosalini in ''Death Becomes Her.'' She said she just did the ass scene where she's getting out of a pool after taking a potion that makes her younger. Artie said it was a great scene and Howard should consult Mr. Skin about it. KC came in a short time later and said they got the picture from MrSkin.com and put it up on the screen for Howard to see. There were a couple of nude shots of her there. One of them was from the HBO show ''Dream On.''
Howard wanted to get to Mike Walker but he wasn't on the phone yet. He made a quick announcement about how they need interns for the fall semester. He said if you're interested you can e-mail Anne Marie at firstname.lastname@example.org or fax your info to her at (212) 314-9340.
Howard got back to Catherine for a few minutes while he waited for Mike Walker. Howard asked her about whether or not her husband spanks her and stuff like that. She said he might do it playfully but she's not into that kind of stuff. Howard then found out that Catherine is a Scientologist which Howard ended up goofing on her about. He goofed on the whole L. Ron Hubbard thing and how he was a science fiction writer and what a scam that whole thing is.
Mike was finally on the phone so Howard got to him. He spent a minute talking to him before the game. Robin wanted to know where he was last week because they were unable to find him. Mike said he thought they were off last week so he wasn't around to play the game. They finally got to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard spent a few more minutes goofing on Scientology and took some phone calls for Catherine before wrapping up the interview.
Howard gave Richard a plug for Carolines comedy club where he'll be appearing tonight through Sunday. Jeni said that Gary might show up at the show tonight as a guest. Gary said he and his wife will be in the city for a wedding rehearsal so they might go to the show. Gary is in this wedding party and Howard said that's so gay. Howard didn't have time to get into it but someone said that he may have lectured this guy Ross on whether or not he should get married. Howard said he'd get into that story on Monday but he doesn't have time for it today. Howard had Robin do her news while Richard sat in and commented on some of the stories she did.