Howard said he went over to Scores with his girlfriend on Friday night. He got sidetracked when he started talking about Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard said he heard that Ronnie was out on his deck listening to Cher while wearing a System of a Down t-shirt. One of Ronnie's drivers told Howard about the sight and how proud Ronnie was that he had Cher on. Ronnie said he's going to go see her in concert too. Ronnie was kind of pissed that this guy told Howard about this stuff. Howard went on to ask Ronnie about his Cher obsession for a few minutes before getting back to his Scores story.
Howard said Ronnie has to hook him up with Lonnie over at Scores now. He's become buddies with Lonnie because he spends so much time there. Howard said they should have a camera on Ronnie, forget ''The Osbournes.'' Howard said they could call it ''The Mund-sters'' (Ronnie's last name is Mund).
Howard spent a little time talking about the ''Spider-Man'' movie and how much money it's made in the first 10 days since it was released. It's made over $200 million already. Howard went on to read an article about the creator of Spider-Man, Stan Lee, and how he doesn't make any money off of this stuff. He was just a salaried guy at Marvel when he created the character. Howard then went on to compare himself to Stan Lee when he talked about how he came up with the idea to syndicate his radio show and now every other radio show does the same thing before they even prove themselves.
Howard spent some time talking about his daughters and how one is now 19 years old and one is 16 and old enough to get her learners permit. He said his oldest daughter never wanted to learn to drive but the 16 year old does. He said he just doesn't want her getting hurt.
Howard and the crew spent a couple of minutes talking about some TV shows. Robin said she tried to watch ''Dinotopia'' last night but it was horrible. Howard said he got to see a preview copy of it and he couldn't get through 5 minutes of it. Gary came in and asked if Howard has seen the previews of ''Scooby Doo'' because it looks really bad also. Howard hadn't seen the previews yet though.
Howard brought up this movie ''Story Telling'' that he saw. He said it was great but it got bad reviews. He said the movie was done by the same guy who did ''Welcome to the Dollhouse'' which he really liked.
Today is Howard's second anniversary for being with his girlfriend Beth. Howard said he got her something that blew her away. Some of the guys asked him if it was an engagement ring. Howard has said often that he's not getting married again. He said he got her some Gucci shoes that she had been looking at in the paper one day. He said it went over really well when she got them. Howard said he was gay for that day. He said he went shoe shopping with his daughter the same day. He said he spent $600 on the shoes for his girlfriend.
Howard did a commercial for GoldenPalace.com where you can find the odds for ''The Flunky vs. The Junkie in the Brawl at the Taj Mahal'' fight. Howard got on the site and tried to find the odds. The E! crew showed it to him and it came up in a pop-up window that he'd closed. Howard gave up on trying to get it himself so he moved on to other things.
Gary came in and did his weekly tabloid wrap up. He told Howard about some of the latest stories that have appeared in all of the tabloids. He brought up A.J. from the Backstreet Boys and how he's apparently drinking again. He also read a story about Winona Ryder taking a bottle of catsup from a restaurant. Gary said he read that Tobey Maguire is banging Nicole Kidman according to one tabloid mag. He read another story about how someone stole Nicolas Cage's comic book collection. He mentioned a bunch of other stories too before Howard moved on to the guys from BumFights.com
Howard replayed the clips he played last week to let everyone know what it was they missed. He also took a couple of calls for the guys. A few people were kind of upset that these guys get away with doing this stuff. The guys said they get the homeless guys to sign releases after they do this stuff so it's perfectly legal though. Melrose Larry Green also called in and said that these guys are full of it when they say they sold 100,000 copies. He wanted proof from them for some reason. He told Howard he thinks they just said that to get on the air. Howard ended up hanging up on him as he usually does. Howard said last week that he didn't think it was really right either but the guys are doing it legally and making money off of it.
After the call Howard spent a few minutes talking to Stuttering John about what happened last week with him. Howard ended up getting pissed at him because he was going to the bathroom during the show and other people were doing his job of answering the phone.... and not doing it the right way. Howard said he and John spoke over the weekend. Howard said he and John told each other that they love each other for some reason. Howard said he was out on the street when he called John and that's where he told him he loves him. Howard complained about how John's 5 year old daughter answered his phone when he called and how he hates when that happens. John said that she's not supposed to answer the phone and he has a rule against that so he doesn't know what happened.
Gange owes Benjy $1000 for a side bet they had about who would lose the most weight but he hasn't paid it yet. Gange said he's waiting for Benjy to ask for the money. Benjy said he'd do a double or nothing bet with Gange if he wrestles him. Gange said he doesn't even want to touch him though.
Howard spent a short time goofing on KC too. He heard that KC was talking to someone about putting meat in a sauce to season it. Howard asked him what he calls that process. KC said that it's ''serenading'' the meat. Howard talked to him about ''serenading'' his meat and pretended that it was the right way to say it. He then broke the news to him that it's marinade, not serenade. He called KC an idiot and couldn't believe he even got a 720 combined on his SAT scores.
Jon came in to talk about the TV Guide 50 Best special that's going to be on tonight. He was in to talk about the ''best shows'' that actually jumped the shark. He had all kinds of info on all of the shows so Howard went over them with him for a short time. Howard also brought up how a lot of people say that his show jumped the shark when Cabbie started coming on the show. Jon said that now it's Artie who is getting blamed for Howard's show jumping the shark. He said Artie is quickly moving up the chart and might take over Cabbie's spot.
Howard and Jon quickly went over a ton of shows together. Jon said that they have 2200 shows on the site at this point.
Crazy Cabbie called in to defend himself about being the blame for jumping the shark. Howard defended him too. He brought up a bunch of times that Cabbie was on the show that were great. He said when Cabbie admitted that he'd had gay sex was a great show and the Angry Black vs. Crazy Cabbie fight was also another great moment. He mentioned a few other times that Cabbie made the show great too.
Cabbie was complaining about how no one has given him a firm date for the upcoming fight against Stuttering John and how it's really pissing him off. He has to make plans for his entourage and no one will give him a date. Howard said he's getting pissed too and wants a definite date for Cabbie by today.
Stuttering John came in and started arguing with Cabbie about the fight. They attacked each other verbally as they usually do when they talk to each other. Howard let them go at each other for a few minutes before wrapping up the segment. Both of them think that they're going to beat the crap out of each other.
After taking a break Howard took a phone call from a guy who told him he was at an Imus wedding over the weekend. The guy said that his nephew married Imus' niece in a beautiful black-tie event. The caller told Howard that everyone was dressed very nicely until Don Imus showed up in blue jeans and cowboy boots with a .45 hanging on his side. Howard went on to talk about what a pathetic, sad, monster of a man Imus is. He talked about some of the things Imus did when he worked with him to show what a real monster the guy is.
Howard still had Jon Hein hanging out so he spoke to him about ''The Osbournes'' for a couple of minutes. Howard read about ''The Osbournes'' on JumpTheShark.com and it looked to him like it wasn't getting bashed yet. Jon said that the tide is turning on the show and people are afraid that it will jump the shark if they do a second season.
Howard played a couple of clips from the show. This guy Drunken Jamie is suing Beetle's manager Sean because, he claims, he discovered Beetlejuice. In the clips you hear Beetle and Judge Mathis talking about him being famous and appearing on the Howard Stern show. Sean thanks Howard at some point in the show. He said that without Howard they'd be nothing. Jamie was taking all of the credit for that though. Judge Mathis told the guys that he didn't think he could help them out and wanted them out of Chicago on the next train. It sounded like he ruled in favor of Drunken Jamie but no one would say exactly who won.
Howard spent a few more minutes trying to talk to Beetlejuice about what school he went to. Beet said that he graduated from Pearl Harbor college. KC came in and told Howard that Beet is going to be in ''Oz'' next season too... for real though.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims he was at a party that Beet appeared at. He said that Beetle mooned everyone at one point and when he pulled down his underwear they could see that he'd had an accident in there. He claims to have a picture of the number 2 accident so Howard told him to send in the picture. Howard and Robin then asked him about whether or not the story was true. Beet said no one saw anything in his underwear because he doesn't have that problem.
Howard saw that Beetlejuice was holding a Beetlejuice doll in his hand so he asked how much it will cost when it's available. Beet said it'll be ''oh, about ten grand...'' It's actually going to cost $16 and will be available this summer at his web site JollyDwarf.com.
Howard spent a short time talking about Osama bin Laden and how people seem to be forgetting that we haven't found him yet. Howard said he thinks that President Bush is becoming ''soft'' already and nobody seems to care. Howard said he had a plan to get Osama... a reality TV show where they train 3 couples to get Osama. The grand prize is the $10 million reward that the government is offering for his capture. He said he'd have Adam Carolla hosting. Howard said there would be dating going on while these people are sent over to Afghanistan to train.
Howard said he's in the middle of the ''Girl Next Door'' TV show that was on the other night. In the show these women compete for the chance to be a Playboy Playmate. Howard said it's great because really hot chicks are getting really upset and crying because they're not picked to model. He spent a couple of minutes on that subject. Melrose Larry Green called in with some clips from the show to play for Howard. Howard also remembered that Artie remembers the names of a lot of the past Playmates. Melrose said he has thousands of porno mags in his house and every issue of Playboy. He could verify Artie's guesses if he needed to. Melrose played some of the tape he had but it was too long and boring so Howard put him on hold so he could find something better.
Howard got back to the phones and spoke to Big Black about Melrose's porno collection. He was at Melrose's apartment and saw all of this porno laying all over his apartment. He said he was kind of disgusted by it all and didn't want to touch anything. Howard asked Big Black if he's found a job yet. He's been jobless for 6 years and they're trying to evict him from his apartment. He has to go to court today to try and save himself. He said he's got a chance at a security job so Howard told him to take it.
Melrose was back on the phone so Stuttering John came in to tell Howard about how Melrose pays the rent for some girl who he had sex with one time. Now the woman wants him to buy her a house. Howard said he's known this story for a while and the woman used to give him oral. Melrose said that doesn't happen that often. Melrose said he pays for her cell phone and health insurance as well as her rent. The woman is an actress like so many people are out in Los Angeles. Melrose said he just likes to be seen with a hot looking woman and that's why he does this. Melrose said that he's kind of like Howard in a certain respect. Howard and the other guys said ''No you're not'' at the same time. Melrose said that Howard is a selfless person and he doesn't fire people, he just lets them hang around. That's what Melrose is doing with this woman. He explained how he wanted to live with this woman and was going to buy a house for her. He said he was going to live in the guest house while she lived in the main house. He decided against it though. Howard ended up hanging up on Melrose because he couldn't find the clip he wanted to hear. Another listener called in with exactly what Howard wanted and played it for him. This one model in the Playboy thing called her mother saying that she wasn't sure she wanted to pose nude. The mother tried to change her mind and talk her into posing nude. Howard gave the caller $500 courtesy of ''The Jerry Springer Show'' for getting him the right clip.
Howard got back to ''Black'' and said that Eddie Vedder refuses to play the song in concert anymore but the guys in the band Staind do it. They played a show and performed a great version of ''Black'' that Howard played. Howard said he thinks it's a great cover of the song.
Howard killed some more time reading some e-mail and taking some calls from fans. Howard got some complaints in his e-mail. One person complained about Howard picking his teeth on the E! show and how they shouldn't show that kind of stuff. Howard said some people goofed on how bad Gary looked after losing all the weight in the Bally Total Fitness Weight Loss Challenge. One person said he looked like a pony with full sized horse teeth.
Howard read some news stories and played a phone call that KC got at home. Some woman called his house but she had the wrong number. He cursed at her and she flipped out and started yelling at him. She cursed him out even though she had the wrong number. She called back later when he wasn't around and left a message on his machine that Howard also played. She called with her mother on the line and the two of them went at it for a few seconds before hanging up.
Howard played tape of baseball player John Franco from the Mets at a press conference. He has to undergo an operation and he got very emotional as he tried to talk to the press. He broke down crying and could barely speak.
Howard took some phone calls and ended up talking about how everyone steals ideas from his show all the time. This guy Shuli called in and asked Howard which idea he was most upset about someone stealing. Howard said it's probably ''The Osbournes'' TV show that he takes credit for. He once suggested to Ozzy that someone should follow his family around with a camera like they do on ''The Real World'' and someone actually did it. Howard also complained about other radio shows steal all the stuff he does. There's even a show that calls their producer ''Baba Booey'' like they do with Gary.
Howard had tape of Mike Tyson at a press conference freaking out like he usually does. Howard said the tape was 15 minutes long so they might not get to it all. He played the tape and within 30 seconds Mike was angry and complaining. He also rambled on and on about some nonsense that Howard and Artie goofed on.
Howard told Stan that Tobey Maguire is supposedly dating Nicole Kidman but it should be Stan who's dating her. Howard went on to ask Stan about how well he was taken care of with the Spider-Man stuff. He said he's been taken care of to a certain extent. Stan corrected Howard and said he wrote the Spider-Man stuff but he wasn't the ''creator'' of the character, he was the co-creator.
Stan told Howard that he still gets a salary from Marvel and he's got the title of Chairman Ameritus which Howard defined as meaning he gets to sit around at Marvel just hanging out and not working.
Howard found out that Stan also created the characters Daredevil and the Incredible Hulk. Howard threw a couple of ideas at Stan like Salt Shaker boy and Tampon man to see if he could work with any of that stuff. Stan said you can work with just about anything. Howard asked him if he could work with ''Radioactive Jew.'' Even that could work in the right part of the world. Howard then suggested ''The Incredible Shrinking Gynecologist'' and Stan told him he's in the wrong line of work. He's got some interesting ideas.
Howard continued to talk to Stan about how he's not getting huge money from this ''Spider-Man'' movie stuff. He told Stan he feels bad for him but Stan doesn't seem to mind it all that much. He said that he is well paid and he seems to be enjoying everything that's happening. Stan kept breaking bad news to Howard and he was getting more and more upset about what Stan is making. It turns out Stan doesn't own any of the rights to any of his characters. Howard let out a big ''Ohhhh'' when he heard that. Stan told Howard that he does get his name in the credits because he actually appears in the movie. Howard told Stan that the director of the movie is going to make more money from this story than he is and Stan was the one who came up with the story. Stan just let that stuff roll off his back and told Howard he's got a bunch of other stuff in the works and it's all good. Howard said Stan's laughing on the outside but crying on the inside. Stan had a couple of things to plug so Howard gave them out. He's got a DVD out called ''Stan Lee's Mutants, Monsters & Marvels'' and a book coming out next month called ''Excelsior! The Amazing Life of Stan Lee.''
Jeffrey said he's also trying to develop his own talk show for MTV which will be like Larry King meets Pee Wee's Playhouse.
Howard heard that Jeffrey went to Milton Berle's funeral so he spent a short time talking to him about that. Jeffrey said he was good buddies with Milton and he once had the chance to take a peek at his legendary penis while they were peeing at urinals together but he decided against it. He thought it would be too weird to do something like that.
Howard spent a little while talking to Jeffrey about a couple of other things before he had Robin do her news. Jeffrey hung around and commented on some of the stories with Howard and Artie. Jeffrey will be appearing at Caroline's Comedy Club in Manhattan from Thursday to Sunday this week.
Howard spent a short time talking about James Brown and the sexual harassment suit that's been brought against him. After that he moved on to talk about Kelly Osbourne's remake of Madonna's ''Papa Don't Preach'' that he heard on his station yesterday. He played the song and said she sings just as well as ''any of those other broads'' that are putting songs out these days. Howard and Artie talked about how David Lee Roth said that Ozzy's kids are a little too fat to be putting on TV. He said that if they were his kids they'd have to be skinnier.
Howard played some voice mail messages people have left for him lately. One guy bitched about the way Howard talked about what a great actor he is ther other day. One guy who always calls in yelling a bunch of racial slurs also left a few messages about various things he's heard on the show.
Robin brought up a story she read about Pamela Anderson. She apparently vomited on the dance floor at a club in New York City and continued to dance while her handlers cleaned up after her. Howard thought that was pretty hot but then said that he pictured the EPA coming in to clean up the Hep-C mess after the puking.
Howard replayed the conversation he had with KC the other day about ''serenading'' his meat. KC confused the word with marinade and Howard goofed on him about it that day. Howard thought they had a longer version of the tape he played but it turns out Gary never got it for him. Howard then moved on to talk about the ticket info for the upcoming ''The Flunky vs. The Junkie in the Brawl at the Taj Mahal'' fight. Gary told Howard that the tickets won't be going on sale until 10am on Thursday. Howard said he'd like to have them available earlier in the morning so he can promote them. General Manager Tom Chiusano came in and said they'd see if they could make something happen. They might make the tickets available online. Howard said Gary had a whole explanation for why Ticketmaster wouldn't do it but he didn't want to hear it. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ticketmaster makes tickets available at 7am on the web. Howard thought that sounded more like it. He told the caller that the tickets won't be cheap, they're going to go for about $100 per ticket and only 2500 will be available. Gary told Howard that the first 100 people to call their special number will also get a special rate on their room at the Taj Mahal.
Howard spent a short time talking to the guy who called in because he had a very odd voice. He had to strain to talk so Howard and Artie goofed on him a little bit. Howard ended up giving the guy a DVD player courtesy of ''The Jerry Springer Show.''
Later in the show Howard got back to the celebrity calls. He played a bunch more of them and they were even funnier than the first few he played. This guy took clips of Sgt. Hartman from ''Full Metal Jacket'' and had him yelling at a bunch of people on the phone. He also took Miss Cleo the psychic and did some funny stuff with her voice. They also take Joe Pesci's voice from a movie and make a prank call to someone who gets freaked out when Pesci demands his money back. KC said you can check out all of these calls at CelebrityPrankCalls.com which can also be found by going through WeirdLinks.com
Gary said he had a conversation with Bernie about Bill Cosby and how he's never given him any credit for making it as a black comedian. Howard said it doesn't matter because Bill Cosby sucks. The guys spent quite a bit of the interview talking about Cosby and other black comedians.
Howard found out that KC went to Bernie for some advice on his stand-up comedy career. Bernie didn't know that KC was doing pedophile material though. KC ended up doing one joke for Bernie but the joke was so foul that the delay button had to be hit so we didn't get to hear it. Bernie was disgusted by the joke and said that KC might not be ready to be a comedian. He also said he's not going to be friends with him anymore.
Bernie told Howard a story about almost playing golf with OJ Simpson one time. He said someone asked him if they could play along with him but he didn't know it was going to be OJ. When the two white guys he was playing with found out it was OJ they didn't want him in. OJ ended up leaving before they got to play together.
Howard said he's gotten jealous of the Osbournes lately because they've gotten so popular and have been going on every other show. Howard said he used to be one of the few shows they ever did and now they're on everything. Sharon told Howard that she remembers who was there early on and doesn't forget about that.
Howard was talking to the family about Ozzy going on Jay Leno when the kids told Howard that Sharon used to date Jay. Howard sounded very surprised to hear that. She said it was way before Ozzy when she dated Jay and he's happily married now so she doesn't talk about it much. She said nothing but nice things about Jay while they were talking about it. Howard had asked her if Jay's big chin got in her way when she tried to kiss him. Sharon claims that she never had sex with Jay and never even kissed him. Howard found it hard to believe that she never did anything with him. She said he was very nice to her the whole time she knew him.
Howard got back to talking about how the family is going on all of these other shows. He seems most upset about the Rosie O'Donnell thing because he thinks she's just jumping on the bandwagon. Sharon said she's been over to Rosie's house for a meal. Howard asked what that was like but Sharon didn't want to talk about it. Jack joked that it was a ''giant lesbian orgy'' over there. Sharon didn't think that was a funny comment but the guys in the studio did. Howard and Artie continued to joke about Rosie even though Sharon and Kelly said that she's really a nice person.
Howard asked the Osbournes about the second season that they'll start shooting in June. Howard heard that they'd be over in England shooting the next season but Jack and Kelly say they wouldn't do it there because of the way they'd be treated. Sharon told Howard that they will be over in England for part of the time they're shooting the next season. The kids said they didn't know that. Jack said the only reason he's taking part in this is the money. He said he's got no other reason to let cameras follow him around. He said he didn't want to be famous this way, he just wanted to do his own thing. Now he'll be able to do whatever he wants with the money he'll be making from the next season. Sharon said their older daughter Aimee won't be taking part in this next season either. She said that Aimee just wants to keep her anonymity and do her own thing.
Howard spent some time talking to Kelly about her recording of ''Papa Don't Preach'' and how that happened. Jack told Howard that their other sister, Aimee, was going to do the song but she backed out of it. Jack said he knew that Kelly could sing so they got her to do it. Kelly said she never thought she'd make a career out of singing but she didn't realize how fun it was to do.
Howard also asked the girls about the episode where Sharon chases Kelly around after sticking her finger in her private parts. Kelly had licked her finger and wiped it under her mother's nose which made her sick. Sharon said she got angry and stuck her finger down below and chased after Kelly for a short time. Kelly said she never caught her.
Howard read that Jack was dancing with Drew Barrymore at some club recently. Jack said he was there and got a tap on the shoulder. He said someone whispered in his ear that she was a big fan of his so he turned around and saw that it was Drew. He didn't get her number which surprised Howard. He told Jack he hopes he gets some of that action some day.
Howard said the main reason for the family coming in this morning was to promote the Ozzfest which starts July 6th. You can find out more about the line up at Ozzfest.com.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and one of them was Chaunce Hayden from Steppin' Out Magazine who asked Kelly what she thinks of Willa Ford. Kelly went off on her saying that she's really obnoxious. She told a story about meeting her down in Cancun during spring break. She rattled off the story very quickly so it didn't make a whole lot of sense but it sounded interesting. (reader Marc Krones wrapped the story up nicely... Kelly said she was in Cancun for Spring Break, and Willa Ford was also there. Kelly said some people went up to her and asked to pose with her for some pictures, which she graciously obliged. Then Willa Ford, who I guess was jealous of the attention Kelly was receiving said to her something like, ''when I go out, I wear sunglasses and a hat so people won't recognize me. Maybe you should try that.'' And then later Willa did take off her sunglasses and hat, and no one recognized her. Someone asked Kelly if that was Tara Reid, and when she said it was Willa Ford, the guy had no idea who Willa Ford was.)
Howard spoke to Jack about how he gets to have girls sleep over in his room sometimes. His mother said she's fine with that and as long as he respects the women, he can keep doing it. Sharon said she won't let guys sleep over with Kelly though. She said she wants to get to know the guys before she'll allow that to happen. Sharon said that Jack has a bag full of condoms in his room for those occasions when girls do sleep over.
The kids said that there's no rush for them to leave the house and they're not even going to bother going to college. Jack said his friends have told him it's a waste of time to go to college.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Sharon about Jay Leno and then ended the interview with Kelly's version of ''Papa Don't Preach'' after Sharon requested it. Howard talked it up like a lame DJ would. He then let the song play and ended the interview.
Howard used some of his own voice clips to try and fool a caller this morning. He was trying to imitate some of the phony phone calls he played on the air yesterday but couldn't quite get it down. He replayed some of the Arnold Schwarzenegger phony calls that he played yesterday. The clips are from CelebrityPrankCalls.com. Howard continued to try out his experiment on King of all Blacks but that didn't work either. King went on to tell Howard about how he lost his job after they did a random drug test on him. He was a garbage man and they randomly pick the guys out to test them. Howard thought that was crazy to fire a garbage man who uses drugs. He wasn't driving the truck, he was picking up the garbage. Howard figures you have to be high to do that job. King of all Blacks claims that he only took two puffs from a joint one time during the month and it showed up in his urine. Howard and Robin didn't believe that he only puffed twice.
Howard said Benjy tried to get some oral off of this woman when they were out in Vegas. He said Benjy asked her if she could guarantee him oral when he asked her out. Howard spent a short time on that before getting to the E! story.
Howard said they had hidden cameras set up for this thing and she blew it immediately. Howard said they told her not to mention that she was on Howard's show but she did it anyway. Howard said they knew right away that she wasn't serious.
Amber said she doesn't remember much about the Benjy story. She and Benjy told bits and pieces of the story and it turns out Benjy may have been seeing things the wrong way. He claims that she kissed him on the mouth, she claims it was on the cheek. Benjy says that she asked him to help her out with her electric bill, she says that's not true. He never did help her out and he now regrets it. Howard said he thinks he could have had her if he helped her with her bills. Amber said she wouldn't have done anything with him no matter what though.
Howard said Amber did get to queef when she was at her E! interview but everyone just thought it was funny. Howard had Amber do some queefs for him while she was in. She made some duck sounds and a little bit of ''We Will Rock You'' before Howard wrapped up the segment. Amber said she's got her own movie out called ''Amber the Lesbian Queefer'' and it's available at AmberTheLesbianQueefer.com. She said she'll be doing another movie soon.
Howard said he thought that Jolene Blalock was coming in today so he got dressed up. Gary and Robin wondered how he figured he was dressed up because he really didn't look that good. They then moved on to talk about how thin Howard has gotten lately and how a lot of people think he's anorexic. Howard said he's not too thin, he's just right and he's got a six-pack on his stomach. Stuttering John said Howard looks emaciated to him. Most of the guys in the studio agree with him. Robin said his arms are looking too scrawny too. Howard ended up showing everyone his ass and grossed them all out.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to John's people which included Kickboxing champ Derek Panza who says that John is ready for the fight. Howard also spoke to a couple of other people who are helping to train John.
Howard said there are only 2500 tickets available for this fight which is taking place at the Trump Taj Mahal down in Atlantic City, New Jersey May 31st. The tickets went on sale at 7:30am today and by 8am they'd already sold 1000 of them.
John and Cabbie were yelling at each other and taunting the hell out of each other so much that a fight broke out. Howard had to have the guys separated. Penny Crone was almost taken out by the whole thing when Cabbie freaked out and jumped over a table toward John. Howard had to end the press conference early because of the nightmare. Penny Crone said it was the strangest press conference she's ever been to.
Howard said he was scared after what he saw this morning. Cabbie is a really angry guy and he showed just how angry he is this morning. Howard said he wouldn't hold it against John if he backed out of the fight after what had just happened. The E! guys replayed the tape of Cabbie's outburst and everyone was surprised at how quickly he moved toward John.
Penny Crone said she didn't get to interview either of the guys very much. Cabbie wasn't being nice to Penny so she said she won't talk to him at all anyway.
Cabbie was allowed back in to defend himself. Cabbie said that John had to hide behind his trainers when he lunged at him. The two of them argued with each other for a few more minutes after he came back in. Donald Trump called in and said the tickets are selling better than Britney Spears tickets. You can try to get tickets through TicketMaster.com. Just search for Howard Stern or ''The Flunkie vs. The Junky.''
Don King also called in and said that Cabbie is going to do the job. He's also thinking of backing Cabbie as a fighter. He was only on the phone for about a minute before Howard moved on. Cabbie and John continued to yell at each other for a little while. Cabbie was also goofing on poor Penny Crone who just wanted to get some interviews with these guys. Howard wrapped everything up so he could move on to talk to Tommy Lee.
Howard later came back and said that they're going to air this segment on E! tonight at 11pm.
Howard asked Tommy if he heard everything that just went on. He also asked him if he'd fight Kid Rock since he's engaged to his ex Pamela Anderson. Tommy said he loves Kid Rock and he wouldn't fight him.
Howard spoke to Tommy about who he's dating now and about Pam's claims that he gave her hepatitis C. Tommy also spoke to Howard about the law suit that's been filed against him by the parents of this kid who died in his pool a couple of years ago. He said all of the kids at the party were supposed to have been taken care of but this one kid wasn't watched close enough. Now Tommy is getting blamed for someone else's carelessness.
Howard asked Tommy about the Hepatitis C claims that Pam has made. She got it and claims that it came from sharing a tattoo needle with him. Tommy said he doesn't have Hepatitis C and even if he did, it's no one's business. He said he just wants all of that stuff to go away and he's not going to sue Pam over it. He is however, in a custody battle with Pam. He said he ants to get full custody of the kids or at least get equal custody. He said right now he only gets the kids every other weekend while she has them the rest of the time. Howard told Tommy he's going to have a tough time getting full custody because he's a guy. Plus he has a female judge. Artie said maybe he'll luck out and the judge will dislike Pam because she's so hot.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Tommy and let some people ask questions. Wendy the Retard called in and complimented Tommy's music. Howard then played a clip from Tommy's new album ''Never a Dull Moment.'' The single is called ''Hold Me Down.'' Tommy said he sings, plays guitar and drums on the album. Howard played most of the song before interrupting it. He said that MTV 2 and VH-1 are playing the video for ''Hold Me Down.''
Howard spent a few more minutes asking Tommy about all of the crazy stuff that goes on in his life before he wrapped up the interview. Tommy said he really doesn't enjoy all of the media coverage of his problems. Robin told Howard that Tommy once said that going to jail was actually good for him because he was able to relax and chill out for once.
Howard went through everything he learned about Tommy this morning and played a quick clip of Tommy's remake of David Bowie's ''Fame'' that sounded pretty cool. Howard then wrapped up the interview.
Gary hung around and said he took a picture with Dion Sanders which was kind of uncomfortable because they goofed on him not that long ago. He hosted a beauty pageant and Howard played tape from the pageant and goofed on the way Dion asked the questions. Dion thought he recognized Gary but Gary said he denied working for Howard so he wouldn't embarrass himself.
Howard played a quick clip from a recent Oprah Winfrey show where high school kids talk about how oral sex isn't really considered sex by kids these days. Howard said when he was young he didn't get oral sex before he had regular intercourse. After playing the clip he said that his life sucks. In the clip kids talk about how guys don't even have to ask for oral, the girls actually offer it to them. They even hold parties just so they can give oral sex to guys. Howard moved on to the news because he said he's going to record a song after the show today. He said he had end the show at 10am so he could go record with some big record producer.
Howard said he was dressed up for Jolene Blalock today. Robin didn't seem to be impressed with what he was wearing though.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about last night's ''Survivor'' and how dopey this guy Sean seems to be. He's a teacher in Los Angeles and Howard finds that hard to believe because his vocabulary is really bad. Howard said he was using words last night that made no sense in the context he was using them.
Once again Howard tried to fool some callers with clips of people talking like the celebrity phony phone calls (CelebrityPrankCalls.com) he's been playing lately. He just can't do it the right way though. He ended up having Fred play some clips of Ponce De La Phone's great calls using Howard's father's voice clips to make calls. He also played some of the clips from CelebrityPrankCalls.com.
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of last night's ''Survivor'' which showed how Sean mutilated the English language. Howard had to get Melrose to play the right clip though because he didn't play what Howard wanted to hear. He eventually played the right stuff and got off the phone with Melrose. Howard continued to talk about ''Survivor'' and ''Friends'' which had it's season finale last night.
Howard and the crew spent some time talking about Cabbie freaking out yesterday when he went after Stuttering John. John thinks it was all an act that Cabbie was putting on for the cameras though. Stuttering John said that he sparred with his trainer yesterday and got some bruises to show for it. Howard noticed a bruise on his nose that looked like a zit. John said when he tried to eat after fighting he had a hard time chewing because his jaw hurt from getting hit.
Howard spoke to Sean about how he grew up in Harlem and how his father just picked up and left when he was born.
Gary asked Sean why his mother didn't show up for the one episode where the castaways got to see family. Sean said the trip would have been too long for her because she's got some ailments that wouldn't have allowed her to travel that far. He ended up having a friend come to see him instead of a family member.
Howard said he was in his shrink's office actually talking about ''Survivor'' and how Sean and Paschal were falling in love with each other in one episode. He was disturbed at the two guys rolling around on the beach with each other in one episode.
Howard asked Sean what he teaches because he doesn't seem to know the English language very well. Sean then broke the news that he teaches 7th grade English! Artie couldn't believe that he could even teach 1st grade English. Sean said that he has won ''Teacher of the Year'' and some other awards as a teacher. Sean said he throws in some history in his English class as well. He teaches in South Central so it's pretty hard to keep teachers there.
Howard moved on to talk to Sean about chicks too. Sean said he's dating a teacher so Howard asked him if he bangs her between classes. He didn't want to talk about that stuff though.
Howard goofed around a little bit about Sean's Dashiki and asked him what he's going to do now that he's done with ''Survivor.'' He said he just did it for the adventure and will continue to teach. Howard and Robin discussed the last show with Sean and how they think that Sean got too aggressive at the end. That's why he was voted off. They also had their theories on who will have a better chance of winning the game.
The ''Survivor Marquesas'' season finale is this Sunday night on CBS at 8pm
Howard told Sean that he wears his SeanJean clothing all the time and really likes his stuff. Sean, barely talking above a whisper, thanked Howard for that.
Howard spent a short time asking Sean about his feud with Suge Knight. Suge was on the show a while back badmouthing P. Diddy so Howard replayed the tape and wanted Sean to comment on it. Sean said he's got no problem with Suge and he doesn't know what Suge's problem is with him. He mumbled about the situation but didn't seem to want to talk about it much.
Howard spent some time talking about his recording session with this guy Pharrell yesterday. Howard hooked up with the guy and wanted to make a hit song with him. Howard said he was embarrassed while he did the recording session because everyone was expecting something from him. Howard said the whole thing was really weird. Pharrell had a bodyguard with him and all the guy did was stare at Howard. Howard said he had to ask him not to stare at him. Howard said both of the guys are big fans of Howard. Pharrell apparently forgot to bring the music track he created so they had to use something else. Howard said they then had him try and rap. Howard had tape of the recording session and it was really embarrassing. He had no music track to rap to. Pharrell just had Howard yelling like an angry rap star. Howard said he did that for 9 minutes and that was that. He said Pharrell told him he did great and left. Gary told more of the story. He said they had Howard sing a little bit after Pharrell left. Gary took the tape over to Pharrell's office after the recording session and let the guy hear it. He said the look on his face was really great because Howard's singing is so bad.
Howard played the new single ''I Need a Girl'' from P. Diddy's album and plugged it a little bit. Howard then wrapped up the interview.
Howard said that Artie went out jogging yesterday and injured his ankle so he's limping around today. Artie was using a treadmill but everyone told him he should jog outside. The first time he tries it, he gets hurt.
Gary came in and told Howard about a bunch of stories he read in the tabloid magazines this week. He went over about 10 different stories that are in the various rag mags.
Jolene told Howard that she doesn't have any ethnic background, she's Scotch and Irish. Howard said he thought she had some black in there so he was surprised to hear that there wasn't.
Howard asked Jolene about ''Enterprise'' and how she remembers all of the lines she has to learn. Howard also asked her who she's dating now. She said she's going out with the CEO of Clear Channel Entertainment... whoever that is. Howard went on to talk to her about when she lost her virginity (18) and where she grew up and went to school. He tried to get details about the first time she had sex. She gave him a few details but not all that much. Howard also asked her if she uses a vibrator to pleasure herself when she doesn't have a man around. She said she prefers a faucet and water jets in a bath over a vibrator.
Howard continued to ask Jolene about the guys she's dated and how he'd like to bang her himself. He thinks she'd be let down by his small penis though. Jolene told him that the smallest guy she ever had was about 5 inches.
Howard read that Jolene dated Edward Furlong who is basically a mess. Howard told Jolene that a guy should have to have been in at least 5 movies before he can date her.
Jolene said she's happy with ''Enterprise'' right now and she's tied up with that for the next couple of years. Howard said he's a big fan of the show and told her that she does a real good job with her character. Howard asked if they'll ever put her character in sexier clothing. She wasn't sure about that though.
Howard continued to talk to her about sex and stuff like for a few minutes. He also took a couple of phone calls before wrapping up the interview. He said that the season finale of ''Enterprise'' is next Wednesday, May 22nd, at 8pm on UPN.
While Howard was doing the commercial break after the interview and said that Tom Chiusano wanted to know if Jolene's breasts were real or fake. Howard had them bringing her back in so he could find out. Howard said that a bunch of guys called in wondering to cover up for Tom. She said they're fake and she's had them for about 10 years. That means she's had them since she was 17 or so. She said she's glad she did it though. Howard and the guys said they thought they were real because they looked so good. She claims that they're only a B-cup but Howard said they've got to be at least a C. She said that it's just because they're on such a small frame that they look so big.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
After the break Howard let Robin get to her news stories while John Diresta sat in and commented on them with everyone else.