Stuttering John said he was hanging out back stage at Saturday Night Live this weekend and he was talking to Stephen Baldwin about how KC wanted to fight him at the upcoming fight. John said Stephen said he'd fight KC no problem and he'll kick his ass. John said the band P.O.D. Told him they'd even play at the fight.
Howard spent a short time talking about what he did over the weekend. He went out to eat and to see comedian Dave Chappelle one night. He said Chappelle was really funny but the hecklers really got to him and distracted him.
Ralph had a party over the weekend but Stuttering John wasn't able to get in for some reason even though he was invited. Howard said he went but didn't give many details about it.
Howard talked a little bit about the death of Layne Staley, the lead singer for grunge band Alice in Chains. He spent a few minutes talking about how good the band was. He played a few clips of their greatest hits like ''Rooster,'' ''Them Bones,'' ''Would,'' and many others. Staley apparently died alone in his apartment. When they found him his body had already started decomposing.
Robin brought up another grunge band, Nirvana, and how the former members of the band are fighting with the late Kurt Cobain's wife Courtney Love over the release of the band's material. They're now demanding that she go for a psychiatric evaluation.
Robin said Saturday Night Live did a pretty funny spoof of The Osbournes this weekend. Robin explained the bit and it sounded pretty funny to Howard. He said he hasn't been watching SNL this season and he doesn't even know who's on the show now.
Howard got back to talking about his weekend. He spent more time with John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos. They went out to dinner and Howard got drunk. He said John Stamos had a porno movie to watch too. Howard said the movie turned out to be awful. He said it was John, Rebecca, Beth and himself watching the movie. Howard explained some of the movie and there wasn't any ''f'in'' going on in it. Howard said it was just stupid and a really bad porno. His girlfriend Beth fell asleep during it and when it was over they went their separate ways. A little later in the show he found out the name of the porno was something like ''Zazel.''
Howard went to a club on Friday night while he was drunk. He said at one point he overheard some women talking about him and they said he looks younger in person than he does on TV. Howard went on to talk about how John was going to meet this guy Evan Metropolis who runs the Bumble Bee tuna empire. Howard also met Trey Parker, one of the creators of ''South Park.'' Howard said he had nothing to say to that guy because he doesn't really like ''South Park.'' He ended up getting interrupted by a commercial break and a couple of guests before continuing his story.
Howard doesn't believe that anyone can talk telepathically to anyone or anything so he let Donna know that first thing. She insists that everyone has the power to do it though. Howard eventually asked her a bunch of questions about what kind of living things she has spoken to because she claims that she can talk to any living thing. Howard asked her if she can talk to plants, mice, lobsters, amoeba and other living things. She said she doesn't usually do that but she can if she wants to. She even claims that she has spoken to mosquitos that have landed on her and asked them to leave... and they left. She said she's done the same for mice that were in her home. She said she asks them to leave or she'll put out traps for them.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted some advice for his two small dogs that hump each other all the time. When the guy got on the phone he called Donna a lunatic so she refused to answer any of his questions.
Howard ended up demanding an apology from Donna because she was upset with him and all he was trying to do was ask her questions about what living things she's spoken to. She thought that Howard was just making fun of what she does but he says he was just curious about what she's said to mice and lobsters. She never apologized though. Howard ended the call and said that he doesn't believe she can talk to animals and John Edwards can't talk to dead people. You can check out Donna's web site at AnimalChatRoom.com
Howard told John that he may have been a little too cocky during the show. He told him that the people that fly under the radar for the most part are the ones that stick around the longest.
John told Howard that he was the victim of a hate crime shortly before getting the call to appear on ''Survivor.'' He told Howard the story about how a couple of guys chased him down and tried to knife him after hearing him talking to another guy at a bar. He said he was lucky that his friends followed him because they thought something was up. If they hadn't followed him he thinks he may have been killed. He eventually found a cop and got away from the guys but they were never caught.
John told Howard that he's not totally gay. He said he's on a 70/30 split with men and women. He told Howard some stories about the women he's been with and how his first woman was kind of scary to him.
Howard talked to John about the show a little more. John told Howard that the crying part of his final speech was at the very end of a long speech. The ''Survivor'' people just cut that part and put it in for that show. Howard also spoke to John about being naked so much on the show. Howard also thought it was strange how John wanted someone to pee on his hand after he was stung by something in the water.
John told Howard that he was attracted to Gabriel when he was there. John said that's why he was voted off so early because he was distracting to him. John said that he's single right now and has been for some time. Howard asked John if he's attracted to KC. Of course he is because lots of gay guys seem to be attracted to KC. Howard said a lot of gay guys are also attracted to Gary. He had Gary come in to see if John was attracted. He wasn't attracted to Gary though. Howard seemed to be surprised by that.
Howard took a few phone calls for John and let people ask some dopey questions. Zolar called in and asked John how much of a banana he can take down his throat. Gay Rich called in and said he loves Gary's look. Rich told Howard that he's single so Howard tried to hook John up with him. Howard told John that Rich is very feminine which John doesn't really go for. The two of them were getting along pretty well over the phone though. Howard wrapped up the interview after taking the phone calls.
Howard moved on to talk to Nick about what he's doing. Nick and Howard talked about ''The Sopranos'' for a little while. Nick also told Howard about some of the shows he's worked for and how they've all failed after he's appeared on them. He said he was on ''Suddenly Susan'' and they got canceled shortly after he was on. He was also on ''News Radio'' and 6 weeks later Phil Hartman was killed by his wife.
Howard ended up telling a story about how he masturbated for the first time in a long time over the weekend. He said he hadn't done it in quite a while because his new relationship with Beth was so good that he didn't have to. He said that Beth wasn't around and he needed to take a nap the other day. He said that an orgasm is a great sleeping pill for a guy so he figured he had to run off a batch to get some sleep. He's had a cast on his right hand because of his broken thumb but now he's got a splint that he can take off. He said he took the splint off and spanked one out. He said his physical therapy has helped his grip so he had the nice, tight grip that he likes. His wrist ended up hurting while he was doing it though.
Howard went on to talk about his night out with John Stamos that he started to talk about earlier in the show. He told some of it over again and finished the story. He said that Stamos brought him to this private room in the club they were at but there weren't many people around. A few people did show up though. Howard said this one rich girl, Nikki Hilton, showed up but Howard had said some stuff about her recently that she didn't like and kind of blew him off. Later in the evening he ran into Tara Reid who was nice to him but he thinks it was only because she's friendly with Rebecca Romijn-Stamos.
After his night at the club Howard, his girlfriend and the Stamos' went back to his apartment to watch this porno ''Zazel'' that he talked about earlier. The porno ended up being really bad even after John Stamos told Howard that the chicks would really like it. Howard said they ended up fast forwarding through most of it. There wasn't much else going on after that so Howard ended the story and took a break.
For info on Nick's upcoming appearances you can visit his web site NickDiPaolo.net
(4/11/02) Howard took a call from this woman Sharon who said that she wants to get liposuction and breast implants for her daughter. She told Howard that her 18 year old daughter used to be fat but she lost a lot of weight. She went from a DD-cup to an A-cup when she lost the weight and she apparently needs some other work done. The daughter works in strip clubs so mom wants her to look better. Howard said he's got to meet a mother so nutty that she's willing to get her daughter implants so she can look better working at a strip club. He put her on hold and had them book her for the show.
Today they showed up and Howard brought them in to talk to them for a short time. Howard said he didn't have time to talk to them long so he had to rush. Howard found it odd that a mother wants to get implants for her 18 year old daughter. The two of them were kind of wacky and Howard heard that Dr. Calabro actually turned them away because they were so wacky. Howard said if his daughters asked him for implants he'd just say no.
Shannon told Howard that she used to weigh 210 pounds and even though her breasts look big and nice in a bra, they're not. She eventually showed them to Howard and he said they looked nice. Nick DiPaolo said they looked fine if they were on the cover of National Geographic.
Howard told the girls that he'd talk to Dr. Calabro about this but if he doesn't want to do it that's the only guy he deals with.
Howard told Shannon that she's still a little too heavy to do Playboy or anything like that and that's what she's looking to do. She also wants to do porn movies. Howard asked Sharon why she'd let her daughter do this stuff. She said she'd be doing it behind her back if she didn't let her do it anyway.
Howard also found out that Sharon was a whore at one point in her life and Shannon lost her weight because she was doing Crystal Meth. They had a bunch of wacky stories to tell Howard about their lives.
Dr. Calabro called in and said he felt they were a little too litigious and the mother was a little more into this than the daughter was. Howard said he'd talk to Dr. Calabro off the air about it to see what he may or may not do.
Howard had Shannon strip down to see just how bad her body was. He said she does have a lot of ''jelly'' on her stomach but she doesn't need liposuction, she just needs to work out. Howard asked her what she's eating. She said she eats salad every day with a little fat free dressing. She told Howard what some of her other foods were and it didn't sound like all that much. She claims that she hardly eats and she can't lose anymore weight. Howard told her to lose 20 more pounds and they'd talk about implants. He said that he'd hook them up with someone from Bally's Fitness Center to get her in shape. He told Shannon she's got a pretty face, she just needs to lose more weight. She claimed to weight 135-140 pounds so Howard put her on the scale because he didn't believe it. She weighed in at 142 pounds.
Howard spent a short time talking about ''The Bachelor'' TV show. The guy from the show will be on the show tomorrow. Howard told Robin about what went on during last night's show with the final 3 women. Howard said he learned that the guy on the show, Alex, tried to get on ''Survivor'' but was rejected. Then he got on ''The Bachelor'' so it's obvious he just wants to be on TV.
Gary told Howard that the Bally's people are worried about Benjy and his diet during this month long weight loss contest. Benjy was eating a lot of eggs and stuff like that and they thought he looked pretty bad. Howard and Gary said Benjy looked pretty bad before the diet and the Bally's people didn't know him then. Howard and Gary asked Benjy if he's still exercising during his diet. Benjy said exercise is overrated and you can only lose so much doing it. Howard and Gary tried to convince him that you can lose tons of weight exercising but Benjy kept arguing. He said viewing it from a calorie standpoint you can't lose that much. The next weigh in for the big contest will be this Thursday since Artie won't be there on the regular weigh-in day of Wednesday.
Howard said he usually wears boxers but today he was wearing tight white underwear under his jeans. He said his girlfriend Beth likes when he wears little white underwear. He said as long as she likes it, he'll wear it. Gary joked that she likes him in tight, white underwear just like Priests do. That led to a discussion about the Pope and his meeting with the Cardinals from the States about the child molestation mess that's going on. Howard did an impression of the Pope while making up the conversation he might have with the Cardinals.
Howard read a phony news article from The Onion about how Nevada is going to phase out all laws over the next few years. Howard thought the article was pretty funny and didn't tell Robin it was phony right away. Robin sounded surprised by the story until Howard told her it was from The Onion.
Howard read a couple of other news stories and took a bunch of phone calls to kill some time. One caller brought up how Lisa Bonet turned down the offer to appear on a ''Cosby Show'' reunion because she wasn't feeling the love from them. Howard went off on her about how NBC is not a family and she probably needs to find love from someone like her father instead of NBC.
Yesterday Howard mentioned this hot girl on MTV that he'd seen over the weekend but he didn't know her name. A guy called in this morning and told him who she was. The caller was the son of one of the stars of ''Son of the Beach.'' He told Howard that the girl he was talking about is Sarah Foster, daughter of David Foster. David was on the show one time when he was interviewed sitting out on the street. He's afraid of elevators and wouldn't come upstairs for Howard to interview him. Howard ended up talking to the caller for a couple of minutes about his life as the son of a celebrity. The guy eventually annoyed Howard enough that he had to hang up on him.
Howard read some articles that he was mentioned in after going out to a club with John Stamos over the weekend.
Melrose Larry Green called in and gave Howard some info he was looking for. He also told Howard that Linda Lovelace has died as the result of a car accident she was in. Howard ended up talking about the movie ''Deep Throat'' in which Lovelace appeared. He also brought up a book Lovelace wrote where she claimed that Sammy Davis Jr. was a homo. After talking about that Howard had to take a break. Howard spent a few minutes talking about the Robert Blake case with Melrose on the phone but he annoyed the crap out of him so he hung up on him as he usually does.
Howard also talked about how he had thoughts on starting his web site in the past but the technology just isn't where he wants it to be yet. He said he told Gary to put the pictures they have of Artie Lange eating pizza on HowardStern.com because they're so funny.
Howard brought up The Rock and how he's probably going to be making $20 million per film now that his movie ''The Scorpion King'' is a hit. Gary read somewhere about how much money he'd actually get if he was paid that $20 million a film. He and Howard broke it down and figured it would be around $12 million after taxes.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls and talked about a bunch of things while he was killing time. One phone call he got was from a woman claiming to be good friends with Trista from ''The Bachelor'' TV show. She claims that Trista wanted to be on Howard's show but Howard didn't call her to invite her when the other ''The Bachelor'' chicks were on last week. Howard said they were offered those girls and took them. They didn't go out and try to book them. He said he'd be happy to have Trista on the show. The friend asked if she could come with Trista. Howard didn't seem to care either way. He said that this chick is probably not that great looking if she's hanging around with Trista. His theory is that hot chicks only hang around with ugly chicks. The friend said that's not true and hot chicks do hang with other hot chicks. Howard spoke to the friend about Trista and how she claimed that she's never had an orgasm during intercourse. Howard said she could be ''total lesbo'' if that's true. He said he'd like to take her on to try and give her one himself. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to the friend then put her on hold to set her up to come on the show. Howard and the crew then talked about how fat chicks hang out with good looking chicks so they can live vicariously through them.
Gary came in to talk about a bunch of stories that are in the rag mags this week. He brought up a bunch of funny stories that he read. He mentioned a story about Mariah Carey where she claims to have proof that Tommy Matola sabotaged her career. Gary also had an article about celebrity phobias that he read. In the article they talk about how Sean ''P. Diddy'' Combs hates clowns. Stuttering John said they should have clowns dancing around the next time P. Diddy is on the show.
Gary had an article about Tiger Woods dissing his parents at The Masters golf tournament and a couple of other minor stories that he mentioned before Howard had to take a break.
Howard let Andy talk a little bit about what happens on tonight's show. Andy said his whole office crew goes to a wedding and Andy has to sleep in the same room with his male co-worker and wakes up the next morning in the same bed with him. Howard said ''So you're a homo!?'' Andy said his character isn't a homo, it's part of the show. Howard tried to understand what was funny about that but he couldn't seem to grasp it.
Howard let a few phone callers talk to Andy. One guy said he watched all of the shows that have aired so far and he hated them all. Another caller said it's funnier than people think and Howard should give it a chance. Howard wrapped up the call with Andy after the calls and let Andy give it a little plug. Andy said his show airs tonight at 8:30pm.
Howard said he was talking about how Harry Houdini gave his wife a password to prove that psychics are phony. He told her when he died that she was to go to psychics and have them contact him to find out what the password was. It never happened but a listener wrote Howard a letter claiming that John Edwards found out what that password was from Houdini's dead wife. Howard just wanted to point out how dumb the guy was that wrote the letter to him.
Howard spent some time talking to Judy Gold and gave her a couple of plugs for her gig at The Comic Strip in Manhattan tonight. Judy spent some time talking about being a single, gay mother with a kids. She also talked to Howard about being friends with Rosie O'Donnell. Howard took a break and had Judy stick around so he could talk to her a little more. Howard and the crew were talking about movies and DVDs when Judy made a comment about a good looking actress. Howard then went on to ask Judy if she's ever converted a straight woman gay. She said she has so Howard ended up asking her about that. Judy said it was a girlfriend who was chasing after her to be friends. They became friends and got closer and closer. Howard and Robin wondered how straight the woman could have been if she was chasing after her like that. Judy said the woman eventually left a note on her desk that read ''I'm in love with you.'' Judy went on to tell Howard about how the other woman was the one who made the first move. They went back to her apartment after a party to ''take a nap'' and that's when things happened.
Judy also told Howard about how she went to a sperm bank to get pregnant. She said she picked out a guy who was very ''Jewy'' looking. She told Howard how she picked the guy and how he was a ''6'' on a scale of 10. She said she never saw the guy though, she just went by the ratings they give the guys at the bank.
Howard eventually moved on to let Robin do her news segment. Judy stuck around to comment on the news with Howard.
Howard said that Greg the Bunny would be on later in the show. He said the guy who works the puppet was in scoping out the studio yesterday and the guy just wants to hide behind the couch and work the puppet. KC came in and said that the guy talks about the puppet like it's a real person. Howard said he's going to offer the guy money to just burn the puppet when he comes in.
Howard said he got tape of the final episode of ''The Bachelor'' from Lloyd Braun at ABC. Howard said he figures that Lloyd knows that he won't give out the secret of the final episode. He sat down to watch the episode and sat through the whole thing until the end when it got blacked out. Howard said there was no point in watching the tape if he doesn't know what happens. Now he's got to wait another day until he can see what happens. The final episode airs Thursday night at 9pm.
A listener called in and asked what's going on with the Cabbie and Stuttering John fight. Howard said Crazy Cabbie has been e-mailing him constantly about the fight. He also called Howard's assistant Laura and demanded that Howard call him. He wanted to know the date of the fight. Gary said he told Cabbie that it's going to be on May 31st but he must not have taken his word for it. Gary also told Howard that Cabbie has gotten a mohawk hair cut that looks pretty odd on him. Howard said the location of the fight still isn't set but they're pushing for it to happen at the Trump Taj Mahal down in Atlantic City, New Jersey. They haven't signed the deal though so it's not set in stone at this point.
Howard said the cast is finally off his arm for his broken thumb. He said he has to wear a splint when he does certain things but it's not on all the time.
Gary told Howard that Stuttering John was wearing a tight shirt yesterday and it was noticeable that his big, fat belly was gone. He's been working out hard for this fight and it's showing. Howard said he'd rather have John big and fat though. Cabbie will outweigh him by quite a bit by the time the fight rolls around.
A woman called in and told Howard that she was on a flight with this guy Alex from ''The Bachelor'' and according to her he's ''creepy.'' She said he was strolling up and down the aisles of the airplane just waiting to be noticed. She also told Howard that he was hitting on some homely women on the flight. The woman said he also had his big, smelly, bare feet out in the aisle and on the back of people's seat. Robin was goofing on the guy a little bit too. She said his forehead seemed to get larger and larger as the show went on this week.
Howard said he read an article over the weekend about these women who grow their nails really long and then get artwork painted on them. He showed Robin and the guys some pictures of the ugly nail painting. He talked about how fat women like to work on their nails for some reason and he wondered why that is. It's not going to attract any guys according to him.
Howard said they finally put the pictures of Artie Lange eating pizza on HowardStern.com. He talked about the pictures for a few seconds and gave out the web site address so everyone could check them out.
Howard spent a short time talking about the Pope and his meeting with other members of the Catholic church. Howard said the guy basically said that child molestation is a sin and a crime and that was it. Robin told him that the Pope also told them that the church is willing to forgive them for their sins so if they want to give up on their sins, they can come back to the church. Howard played a song parody to the tune of ''When a Man Loves a Woman'' called ''When a Priest Rapes a Young Boy'' but the delay button was hit on it so much that we didn't hear many of the lyrics. A short time later Howard got a call from a listener who complained about the delay hits. Howard got pissed when he found out that Tom was training people on when to hit the button. Tom told Howard that he was on the button himself. Tom and Fred argued with each other about the line in the song that got censored. Fred says that what he wrote wasn't ''against the rules'' but Tom says it was. Howard had to hit the button on Tom when he said the line so we still don't know what it was. Howard said it was something about ''hair'' in the song that got the delay. Howard then learned that the delay was hit about 4 times which pissed him off even more. He said he's ready to leave the company. He said he told Tom that he was resigning last week but Tom didn't accept his resignation. He's got a contract to honor and they won't let him out of it. He said he told Tom he wouldn't even go work for another station because he'd be afraid that Tom would show up there and be his boss again.
Raymond the ''Oprah Winfrey, Negro woman from the South'' guy called in to talk about the Priest child molestation thing with Howard for a short time. After hearing a little bit of his rantings Howard figured that Ray must have been molested by someone when he was a little boy. He was right. Ray claims that a police officer molested him when he was a kid. Howard had to cut him off so he could take a break.
Howard talked about how last night his girlfriend opened a can of caffeine free diet Coke and took a sip. It tasted really nasty so Howard took the can and dumped it into the sink to see if there was something in there. He said Beth was doubled over in pain after drinking it so he didn't know what it was. He wasn't thinking when he dumped it out so there won't be any proof if there was something in it. Howard said he never drinks that stuff, he just keeps it around for guests.
There are only two women left on the show and Alex will be making his final decision this Thursday on the final show. Howard told Alex that he thinks he should choose Trista because she's hotter looking than Amanda. Howard kept calling Amanda the ''fat one.'' Howard was a little concerned about the fact that Trista hasn't been able to orgasm during intercourse though. He told Alex that Amanda would probably be more loving than Trista even if she's not as good looking as her. Alex told Howard that he is feeling love for both women.
Howard and Alex talked about the show for quite a while. Howard talked to Alex about how he vomited during his date with Trista this week and how she still comforted him that night. Howard said Alex didn't kiss her after puking though. He waited to brush his teeth before kissing her. Howard said the real test would have been to try kissing her right after puking.
Alex wouldn't say whether or not he had sex with any of the women on his dates this week. He said he wants to keep that stuff quiet because it's possible that he's going to ask one of them to marry him on the final episode. Howard told Alex that he's got it made right now and he shouldn't get married. He told him to just keep dating for the next 10 years. He has a good job that pays really well and all of the money is going to him so why get married?
Howard took a few phone calls for Alex before wrapping up the interview. A couple of phone callers thought that Alex came off kind of gay on the show. Alex said he's never gotten that reaction in the past though. He said he thinks there might be a little jealousy going on there. Wendy the Retard also called in while Alex was in. She asked Alex if he sings and dances. Alex didn't say much though. Howard just goofed around with Wendy for a short time. He asked Wendy if Alex had raped her and she just said yes to all of his questions and played along with his goof. Wendy also did some karaoke while she was on the phone. She sang along to some song from ''Grease.'' Howard had to hang up on her in the middle of it though. After a couple more phone calls Howard ended the interview.
Howard got a complaint about yesterday's show where the guy gave him the top 10 reasons why it sucked. Most of the top 10 reasons were ''Vinnie Favale.'' The other reasons included Melrose Larry Green's phone call and the boring dot com guy who called in. The listener also complained about Howard commenting on the Robert Blake case and the fact that Artie Lange wasn't on the show.
A 22 year old woman called in and said that she loves Howard a lot and pleasures herself to him. She also claims to be ''Halle Berry'' hot looking. Howard said he doesn't believe that a hot woman would pleasure herself to him. Howard eventually had her rub her phone on her breasts and then take her top off because she was in her car driving to work. She took the top off and there was some horn honking going on. Howard wanted her to show them off to the guys in the cars around her. She did it but for some reason she wasn't getting the attention of the people around her. Howard said he wanted her to eventually bang a truck driver. She got a few guys attention and let them take a look at her. She even gave the phone to a guy so Howard could talk to him. The guy told Howard that she's really hot and he did get to see her breasts. Howard told the guy to ask to touch her breasts but he said he was married and didn't want to do that. Howard told her he's got to get a look at this woman. The woman asked for a prize for doing this stuff so Gary told Howard he could give her a Sony DVD player. She gladly accepted the prize and got off the phone so she could go to work.
Howard got a call from a woman about how hot his girlfriend is. She made a comment about him being ''the master'' which started a conversation about how ugly Howard thinks he is. He said he just recently got a picture from Jon Bon Jovi from his birthday party. He said Jon had this picture taken of the two of them together. Howard said there's something wrong with his face and it looks like his neck vomited. He said he showed the picture to his assistant Laura and she told him she'd hide it from him so he'd never see it again. She didn't tell him that it wasn't that bad, she just said she'd archive it and hide it from him. Howard said he wouldn't even show the picture to his girlfriend because it was so bad. He said he doesn't show bad pictures of himself to her.
Another caller asked Howard why he's not hyping up ''Star Wars Episode 2'' so he can get a sneak preview of that too. Howard said he's not all that excited about that movie because the last one was so bad. He said he'll still see ''Episode 2'' but he's not looking forward to it as much as the last one or ''Spider-Man.''
Howard quickly mentioned that he got an e-mail from movie reviewer Marshall Fine who says that he saw Sandra Bullock's new movie ''Murder by Numbers'' and thought it was pretty bad. He also said that he thinks Sandra might be one of the worst actors around. He also saw ''The Scorpion King'' and didn't think it was all that great but he did think that The Rock has a very good screen presence that might make him a big action star. Robin said she hopes he's wrong about that though.
Dan told Howard about how he used to have a cable show with his bunny and that was picked up for the Independent Film Channel. After that he got an agent and the show was sold to FOX. Dan said he's amazed that he actually got the show on the air.
Howard told Dan that puppets aren't all that great as guests. Howard said it's weird and sad when he has puppets on the show. He once had Waylon Flowers and Madam on his radio show and the guy worked the puppet even though they didn't have TV cameras in the studio at the time. He also said he used to work puppets when he was younger and actually thought about getting into that line of work but he never did.
Howard took a couple of phone calls before ending the interview. No one really had anything to say though so Howard just wrapped it up. ''Greg the Bunny'' airs Wednesday nights at 9:30pm on FOX.
Artie Lange was back this morning so Gary asked him what he did while he was away as far as eating. Artie told Howard and Gary some of the stuff he's eaten over the past couple of days. He said his Achilles heal is Nestle's Crunch bars. He said when he walks past a newsstand he has to buy one. He also did some drinking during the past few days. Artie told Howard about what he did while he was off too. He did an appearance for the Circuit City corporate people down on some island in Florida. He went on to give his menu over the few days he was off. Howard was trying to figure out if he's going to show a loss or a gain on his weigh in today.
Howard brought up the pictures they have of Artie eating which you can see at HowardStern.com. Howard said he got a bunch of e-mails about the pictures and the web site that he read. Most of them were complaints about the web site and how there's nothing there other than the pictures. Howard said they don't have a web site, they just posted a few pictures for people to see. They may post more pictures of the guys today when they weigh in wearing g-strings.
Howard heard that Gary's breath has gotten really bad lately. Some employees say that when they use Gary's phone the smell coming off of it is nasty. KC came in with three phones and had Howard smell them all to figure out which one was his. He figured it out immediately but said it smelled more like cigarettes than anything else.
Howard brought up the Pope and his meeting with the Cardinals from the U.S. Howard talked about how they're all nuts with their ideas on child molestation. They say that they're only going to go after repeat offenders which is a pretty weak way of cracking down on child molesters. Howard went into his Pope impression which sounds like Dracula and did some material about the child molestation. Howard also took a call from this guy who has called in before who says he's leaving a seminary program because of everything that's going on. He also revealed that he was in the Houston 500 gang bang a few years back.
A listener called in and offered to design a web site for Howard for free but Howard's not taking him up on his offer. He says the web isn't ready for what he wants to do so it's just not happening. Howard said that he's already spoken to the top people in the industry about doing stuff and most people don't have high speed connections yet. That's what they'll need to see and hear what Howard wants to do.
Howard played a new Mr. Skin Minute where the guy from MrSkin.com talks about the nude scenes in the latest movies and DVD releases. This week he says that ''Jason X'' shows a lot of ''anonymous skin'' while there's nothing worth seeing in the Angelina Jolie movie ''Life or Something Like It.'' On DVD Mr. Skin says the movie ''Flesh and Bone'' has Meg Ryan and Gwyneth Paltrow showing some skin. Fran Drescher shows some ''boobage'' in the DVD release of ''The Cadillac Man'' 7 minutes into the movie according to Mr. Skin.
Howard played a clip from this new Comedy Central show that Jimmy Kimmel is doing called ''Crank Yankers.'' The clip features Jim Florentine (Terrorizing Telemarketers) calling some guy as a retard and yelling ''I GOT MAIL!, I GOT MAIL!, I GOT MAIL! YEA!'' over and over again. He played part of it the other day and has been playing bits of the call all this week.
Last week the guys weighed in like this:
Howard spoke to Benjy about how he hasn't been going to see his trainer. Benjy said he has been working out at different Bally's fitness centers but he hasn't been going to see his trainer. He's been sticking to his diet too.
Howard also talked to Mike Gange who, he thinks, doesn't have any motivation to win this thing because he's always a loser. He also told a story about how Gange really screwed him one time when he was working for him. Howard had him transfer episodes of ''Seinfeld'' to a video tape for a family friend who was dying of cancer. Howard later found out that there was porno on the video tape and it upset the people who got the tape. Howard said he should have fired Gange then but he let him stick around for some reason.
Howard then had her take off her top so she could show some people driving around her breasts. She pulled off the road and into a parking lot where a couple of guys showed up. Howard spoke to a few guys and two of them said she looked like Pamela Anderson. The third guy said she wasn't really that hot though. One of the guys actually asked her to give him oral in her car but she refused. So instead of oral he just pleasured himself right there and whacked one off right on his sweatshirt. He finished within 30 seconds or so. Howard wanted to talk to the guy when he was done but Rhonda said he ended up running off to his car. Howard said they'll have her on the show tomorrow.
Howard killed some more time while he was waiting for Carmen to call in. He took a bunch of phone calls and talked about what he'll be watching on TV tonight. He said he'll be watching ''Friends'' and then ''Survivor Marquesas'' on the TiVo so he can catch up on that before ''The Bachelor'' final episode starts at 9 o'clock. While they were talking about that stuff Robin said she finally knows when the new season of ''Son of the Beach'' is starting. The new season starts in June. She said she saw the promo for the show and they show a bunch of the celebrity guests that will be appearing on the new season. Howard said they have Ian Ziering, Frank Sinatra Jr. and Lee Majors just to mention a couple.
Howard went over what he's going to say to Carmen one last time before she called in. Howard said he's not even going to mention the apartment thing. He's just going to ask her to go out with his crew.
Howard also spoke to Carmen about what she's doing today in New York. She's hosting the Hollywood Tans Model Search at the South Street Sea Port in Manhattan at 1pm. She said they'll be picking one woman and one man as winners who will get to be on a Hollywood Tans billboard.
Howard told Carmen that he heard she was pregnant. She said that was just a rumor and it's not true. Howard also heard she had plastic surgery done on her face but that is also false according to Carmen.
Howard and Carmen also talked about Dennis Rodman a little bit. Howard asked her if he's still trying to get her back. Carmen said he doesn't know where to find her because she moved and changed her number. She's now engaged to Dave Navarro but they haven't set a date for their wedding yet. She said she wants to do it the right way this time. She said she wants to have a long engagement then get married and have a kid.
Howard made sure that Carmen gave her phone number to Gary so that he could call her to set up something for tomorrow. He put her on hold and continued to sing his dopey song about her. He also asked everyone how he did asking her to hang out with him. Everyone told him he did just fine. Robin said Carmen only agreed to go out, she hasn't shown up yet.
Howard talked to Jim Florentine for a couple of minutes too. Jim had asked if he and his girlfriend would be invited to Howard's hot-chick thing on Friday. Howard told Jim that he and his girlfriend might be just a little too crazy for that crowd. They spent a few minutes talking about how wacky Jim's girl is as far as her grabbing guy's crotches and letting them touch her. They also talked about her farts and how nasty they are. Howard had to take a break after talking to the guys for a few minutes. When they came back Robin did her news segment while the guys commented on some of the stories she did.
Howard also watched ''Friends'' and said that Marlo Thomas looks pretty good for someone who must be around 70 years old.
Howard said ''The Bachelor'' was good last night too. He talked about how Trista got turned down and Amanda won out in the end. Howard said he could understand why Alex picked ''the big girl'' because she was more loving toward him than Trista was. Howard said Trista was hotter than Amanda but she just wouldn't say she loved the guy. Howard said Trista would be in later in the show and he'll also have Alex Michel (The Bachelor) on the phone.
Howard said he heard that Alex got oral from Amanda when they spent the night together on the show but that's as far as it went. Howard said he doesn't remember where he heard that rumor though. Benjy told Howard he pre-interviewed Trista yesterday and she made it sound like she may have ''closed the deal'' with Alex when they were together on the show.
Howard said he checked out Trista's bio on ABC's web site and she's not a full time Miami Heat cheerleader like they led you to believe on the show. She does that part time and she's actually a Pediatric Physical Therapist. Howard spent some time talking about Alex's family and how they were like ''The Munsters'' when he saw them.
Howard missed the farewell party to their Sales Manager Ed Moyer last night. He said he just couldn't make it there but he sent a note to Ed thanking him for his work. Robin was there and said she missed Howard. KC and Stuttering John were also at the party and told Howard how Ed told General Manager Tom Chiusano that he's always wanted to tell him that he's boring. Tom said he was almost in tears when he said goodbye to him. Howard ended up talking to Tom for a few minutes about how close he is with the head of the company. Howard said there's a core group of people who have worked with Mel Karmazin for a long time and he takes care of them financially. Howard said Ed Moyer was in that group so he's got plenty of money. Howard said he doesn't believe Tom is in that group but Tom said he is. Howard said he was just busting Tom's balls.
Howard told Trista that he's still not convinced that Alex is straight. He said he still seems a little ''swishy'' to him.
Trista said she was in a state of shock when she didn't get chosen as Alex's favorite because the night before he was telling her that she was it.
Howard commented on how chubby Amanda looked on the show and how she was always eating on the show. She had a huge plate of pancakes at one point and even brought a cookie into the hot tub with her. Trista said she did the same thing on the show but she didn't get caught on camera.
Howard spent a little time talking to Trista about being a Miami Heat dancer and how they made it seem like that was her main job even though she's a Pediatric Physical Therapist.
Trista said she just went into this show looking for an experience. She said if she met a nice guy it would have been nice but it wasn't her main objective.
Howard also brought up how she said she's never had a vaginal orgasm while having sex with a guy. Howard guessed that she and Alex had sex and he couldn't give her one either. She said she's come close in the past but it's tough. She said she just hasn't found a guy who can find the right spot to get her off. Howard told her he'd love to get a shot at trying with her. He said he had a woman one time who had a similar problem and he was able to get her off. He wouldn't say who it was but joked that it was Joan Rivers.
Trista told Howard that she was falling for Alex toward the end of the run but it took her a little while to come around. She said they had a lot of fun together even though they didn't show that much of it on the show. She also said that Alex wasn't all that comfortable around her and that turned her off a little bit.
Trista is doing ''Good Morning America'' this morning so Howard wondered if she was going to wear the belly shirt on there. She said she wasn't but Howard told her if she wants to be the host of ''Wild On'' she should wear it. Trista is looking to be the host of ''Wild On'' now that E! is looking for a new host.
Howard said that Trista told him she banged Alex. She said she never said that, she just said that they were ''very intimate.'' Howard went on to ask her about her sex life and her family life. She said the worst thing to happen to her was her parents divorce. She said that was tough but she was never molested or anything. Howard said that hurt to hear that because he's divorced now too.
Trista's friend Michelle was in the studio with her and Howard hadn't mentioned anything about her 15 minutes in. Howard finally spoke to her for a second and got back to Trista. Howard asked the two of them if they've ever vibrated themselves. They just kind of giggled and laughed the question off. Gary came in and asked Trista if she ever pleasures herself. She said she does but not that often. Gary then asked her if she'd be willing to take her top off for $3000. She didn't want to do it so Howard asked her if she'd do the rest of the interview in her bra and panties. She refused the offer even after all of the guys offered to strip down to their underwear. Gary then offered Michelle the money to strip down. She also refused.
Howard got back to Trista and asked if she's ever had sex with a chick. She's never had that so Howard asked her some other questions about her sex life. Howard also asked her more about her ''intimate'' night with Alex. Trista wouldn't talk about exactly what her ''intimate'' night was all about. She wouldn't say if he wore a rubber or if his penis was big. Howard was still under the impression that they had sex so he kept asking her about it.
Howard told Trista that she might need a special sex position to get her off. He made a few suggestions to her which got the delay button hit. She sounded kind of embarrassed by the suggestions and didn't have all that much to say.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Trista. No one really had much to say to her until one guy asked Howard to describe what she was wearing. Howard said she was had a nice full C-cup breast in a belly shirt and jeans. Her shoes were open toed. The guy also asked if she had a ''mohawk'' down below. Trista said she's not completely shaved so she does have a little landing strip down there. Howard said if she was his girlfriend he'd tie her up and shave her down. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after the phone calls.
Garver also interviewed ''Friends'' star Matthew Perry. He just asked him questions about being gay. Perry played along with them for a few seconds and even joked that he was attracted to Garver. When Garver asked Perry how often he has gay sex, that's when Perry ended the interview and ran off.
Howard spent a short time talking about how TLC singer Lisa ''Left Eye'' Lopes just died down in Honduras. She was apparently involved in a car accident and died. Howard said she was ''the hot one'' in the group. He played a few clips of TLC's more popular songs.
Howard also read some e-mail and talked about a couple of news stories before James Caan called in.
Howard talked to Caan about Robert Blake for a short time also. Caan said he had spoken to Blake in the past and how he used to talk about how the moon was blue. Caan said that Blake was an ''odd fellow.''
Howard said the reason Mr. Caan was calling in was to promote this movie ''Night at the Golden Eagle'' which he appears in briefly. He said some friends of his put it together so he's helping them out with promotion.
Gary came in and asked Mr. Caan some questions about movies he's turned down over the years. Gary read that he'd turned down movies like:
After the call Howard killed some more time talking about some news stories. He brought up a story about how they want to send mice into space to see what happens when they reproduce. Howard said that's what people are going to want to get away from on Earth if they go to space, so why send mice to space?
Howard talked about Sally Jesse Raphael's final show and how he wasn't sad to see that crap go. She bad mouthed Howard on Charles Grodin's show one time so Howard's not a fan of hers.
Howard said it would be funny if as he was going under for surgery he realized it was his garbage man that was doing the surgery. Howard and the rest of the guys ended up goofing on Chaunce's run of bad luck for a few minutes. Howard joked that if you connect the (hair plug) dots on his head it spells out ''Tyrone.'' Artie said he's never heard such a funny story in his life. Howard said he's never seen such bad hair transplants in his life until he saw Chaunce's a couple of weeks ago.
Howard talked about watching the movie and how three hillbillies rape the clown about 20 minutes in. Howard said that was as far as he made it into the movie. After that he threw the movie out. The guys in the studio said they thought that it sounds pretty funny but Howard said he's not recommending it. It's playing at The Regent Theater in Los Angeles and the Angelika Film Center in New York City. Howard said if you go to see it you'll just be mad you saw it.
Howard told Kevin he had a movie idea where this guy gets hair transplants by a garbage man... Kevin had heard Chaunce's story and said it was pretty disturbing.
Kevin said he'll be at a couple of the shows at the Regent in Los Angeles tonight so you can meet him there.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Kevin and one guy asked him about his buddy Jason Mews getting into trouble. Kevin said he's got a bench warrant out for his arrest in New Jersey. He said it's got something to do with illegal substances. Howard wrapped up the call after the phone calls.
Howard continued his discussion about ''Vulgar'' and how he really didn't like it. Artie told him that the more he hears Howard talking about it the more he wants to see it. He said if he wasn't going out of town today he'd get drunk and go to the late show at the Angelika. Howard warned everyone that they're going to be disappointed if they go to see it though.
Mike also had some info on the Robert Blake case that he shared with Howard. He said that when Bonnie Lee Bakley realized that Blake might be planning to kill her she started taping him. She sent those tapes to the National Enquirer and they ended up sending them to the L.A. police department. They also have the tapes available on an 800 number so people can listen to them. Mike gave out the number and said that they don't charge people to listen to them... (turns out they do charge after a 10 second clip) You can take a listen yourself by calling 1-800-416-1557.
After talking about the Blake story Howard got to Mike's game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories: