For The Week Of 2/18/2002 to 2/22/2002

• The Best Of Stern. 2/18/02.
  Howard and the crew were off for President's day so we were stuck with ''Best Of.'' Here's what we heard:
  • ''Those Teeth'' song parody about Gary.
  • ''The Robin Quivers Impersonation Institute'' commercial parody.
  • Howard talks to a Neil Bines who can unscramble words, Gary messes up with scrambling the words for Howard.
  • Howard plays tape of Steve Grillo interviewing Joan Kennedy at a book signing.
  • Howard plays tape of Stuttering John interviewing Ivanna Trump.
  • Howard gives away a trip to a listener who plays ''Guess Who's The Jew'' with Kurt Waldheim Jr. (Fred)
  • Howard interviews Gennifer Flowers and Jessica Hahn gets jealous, calls in and complains about her.
  • Howard sets up a hidden microphone and goofs on Stuttering John by threatening to replace him with intern Steve Grillo.
  • Howard plays tape of Stuttering John interviewing Peter Wells and Regis Philbin.
  • Jessica Hahn calls in crying after being interviewed by Joan Rivers and Cindy Adams.
  • Howard promotes his ''Butt Bongo Fiesta'' videotape on a couple of radio stations.
  • Howard plays tape of a Jamaican singer doing a song about killing homosexuals.

• The Best Of Stern. 2/19/02.
  Okay, so Howard and the crew are on vacation again today. Here's what we heard on ''Best Of Stern'':
  • ''Baba Booey'' song parody to the tune of ''Barbara Ann.''
  • Bernie Mac comedy bit about his ''faggot'' nephew.
  • Howard talks to Stuttering John about the routines he does on the phone in the office.
  • Howard goofs on the Pope's speech delivery which leads to a phone call from an upset listener.
  • Howard talks about Mr. Rogers accepting an Emmy Award and having the audience pray with him.
  • Howard plays tape of Stuttering John interviewing Sid Cesar.
  • Howard holds a queefing contest. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/2/97. 7:55am
      Howard found out that these vaginal farts have a name... Queef. So anyway four of these women who called in during the week came in today to play along to some songs and to have a Queef-off contest. Howard even had an audience of guys who paid some money to see this phenomenon. The 20 or so guys in the studio paid a total of about $1800 to come in. The 4 women get to split that money. The 4 women, Michelle, Susan, Dawn and Debbie, all called in at some point this week and demonstrated their talent. Howard talked with them for a short while and then got down to business. One of the women, while warming up, demonstrated how she could ''talk'' with her queefs. She farted out ''Baba Booey'' and ''Howard Stern''. One woman had to stand on her head to do her queefs. Once the women were warmed up Howard sang ''The Wind Beneath My Womb'' for the girls. Then after a little break it was time for a song called ''It's A Gas''. It's a song that was put out by Mad Magazine many years ago. It's basically just a guy who says ''It's a gas'' over some music then a silent break comes and you hear burping. Well Howard took the burping out so the girls could do their queefs instead. That's exactly what they did. After that they had a little contest to see who could do the best queef. Each woman gave it her best shot. After that the guys in the audience were asked to applaud for their favorite. Each woman took her turn, first it was Dawn then Debbie and then Susan, who just kept going for about a minute, then it was Michelle. The guys in the audience ended up choosing Dawn as the winner. They ended the whole thing by playing some classical music with the girls queefing along. Wow! What a morning!
  • Howard and Robin discuss the Million Man March which leads to the infamous ''It doesn't matta!'' woman calling in to yell at Howard.

• The Best Of Stern. 2/20/02.
  More ''Best of'' today. Here's what we heard:
  • Robert Schimmel comedy routine about Mike Tyson's dick.
  • David Bowie live performance of ''I'm Afraid of Americans'' from one of Howard's birthday shows.
  • Howard talks to Robin about why she didn't want to sign Stuttering John's birthday card.
  • A caller tells Howard about how he fooled around with his girlfriend's mother.
  • Todd Bridges calls in to talk about his problems.
  • Two actors reenact the Frank Gifford/Suzen Johnson video tape. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 6/2/97. 7:35am
      Since Howard couldn't play the audio this morning he had a couple of actors come in to reenact the transcripts that The Globe printed in their newspaper. The actors, Dick Heymeier and Carolyn Cole, read their respective parts for Howard and had some fun with it. Howard helped out by reading the parts of the transcript where there were descriptions of what was happening.
  • A few female phone callers ask Howard to not play the Frank Gifford/Suzen Johnson audio tapes.
  • Howard breaks Fred's balls about not taping stuff for the show. Everyone gangs up on him and make fun of some of his strange behavior.
  • Comedian Sinbad plugs his book on the show. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 4/29/97. 7:15am
      Comedian Sinbad came in to plug his new book this morning. In the past Howard has complimented Sinbad for his stand-up routine. He's also said that Sinbad is a good role model for black people because he's so nice. Sinbad said that white people come up to him and say ''.. Howard says you're a nice negro..''. He said that this isn't a compliment. So just don't go up to him and tell him that he's one of the nice ones. Just say ''hello'' and keep walking. The book that he's plugging is called ''Sinbad's Guide To Life: Because I Know Everything''.

• The Best Of Stern. 2/21/02.
  Only one more day of reruns after this. Here's what we heard today:
  • Comedian Alan King interviewed about Howard.
  • Aerosmith performs ''Pink'' live in the studio.
  • Captain Janks calls in to the Cerebral Palsey telethon and pisses off Dennis James and Florence Henderson.
  • Howard interviews Boxer George Foreman. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 4/23/97. 7:30am
      Boxer George Foreman called in to talk with Howard for a little bit this morning. He was plugging a fight that he'll be in on Saturday night. The fight will be on HBO at 10:00 pm Saturday. George spoke a little bit about being a preacher and about the old days when he used to fight Mohammed Ali.
  • A woman calls in and tells Howard about a movie idea she had for him... a ''Beauty and the Beast'' remake with Howard dressed in disco clothes.
  • Howard holds a Celebrity Jeopardy rematch for Robin and News Anchor Mark McEwen. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/6/97. 9:25am
      After Robin lost to Mark McEwen on Jeopardy recently Howard decided to put together a rematch. So this morning Mark McEwen came in to play against Robin and Fred. Mark is an anchor on CBS This Morning, a morning(duh) TV show on CBS. To liven things up a bit Howard had an 18 year old girl in a bikini turning cards over during the game. Unlike the real Jeopardy the buzzers in this game were set up to work at any time during the question. On the real Jeopardy contestants have to wait for the whole question to be read before buzzing in. Before the game began some people were placing bets on who would win. Jackie bet on Mark, Gary bet on Fred, Steve Grillo bet on Fred and Stuttering John bet on Mark. Howard had Fred as the winner. Some of the categories which were being played were:
      • Business and Industry
      • Sports
      • 1963
      • Languages
      • TV
      • Law
      The surprising thing was that Fred was beating Robin and Mark by the end of the first round! Fred was up to $1800, Robin had $400 and Mark had $800. The Final Jeopardy question was about US History. All three got it correct but Fred came out ahead with $2100 to Mark's $1400 and Robin's measly $800.
  • Howard interviewed Sammy Hagar. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/21/97. 7:5am
      Ex lead singer for Van Halen, Sammy Hagar came in to plug his new album, ''Marching On Mars'', this morning. Sammy also told his side of the story about the day he was fired from the band. He said it basically came from nowhere. He didn't have any idea that it was going to happen and they did it to him on Fathers day! He called David Lee Roth a ''silly guy'' and said that he still loves the guys in the band. The most interesting part of the interview came when Sammy's publicist Kim kissed Howard. She's a big fan of his so when she kissed him she must have really KISSED him. Howard said she slipped him the tongue! After that Howard was really distracted. He said that he's fallen in love with her. Later in the show Gary told Howard that he has her number because he deals with her quite a bit. I think we'll be hearing more from her in the future.
  • ''Mr. X'' brings in a piece of John F. Kennedy's head in a jar. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 4/28/97. 7:40am
      Howard started talking about this last week. He said that he knew some guy down in Texas who had a piece of President Kennedy's head that was blown off when he was assassinated. So the guy came in this morning with the piece of skull in a jar of formaldehyde. There was also a doctor there who said that he examined the piece of head and said that it could very well be from a human skull which was shot. There was no hair left on the scalp but there was brain matter and skin. The guy went into detail about how he was across from the grassy knoll when the president was shot. He said the piece of skull came flying over towards him after the gun shots went off. The guy also said that he'd like to sell this piece of history to the highest bidder. A little while after saying that there was a caller ready to pay $75,000 for the jar. Even later there was a guy willing to beat anyone's bid on the skull. Howard also said that he'd allow one and only one photographer to come in and take a couple of pictures of the jar. One photographer took Howard up on the offer. By 9:10 this morning the guy was there to take his pictures. Howard posed for a couple of pictures with the jar next to him. So that was it for pictures.(This was later revealed to be a hoax)
  • Dennis Rodman calls in to promote his book. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/1/97. 8:30am
      Basketball player Dennis Rodman called in to plug his new book ''Walk On The Wild Side''. When he got on the phone he was in the middle of eating breakfast. He just kept eating the whole time he was on! Dennis wanted to know when he and Howard could go to Scores. Howard is into going with the guy so he told him to give a few days notice before coming into the city so they could make plans for a party.

• The Best Of Stern. 2/22/02.
  Here's what we heard on today's ''Best of Stern'':
  • Billy Crystal's infamous ''It's not fun'' interview with Stuttering John.
  • Lenny Kravitz performs ''Let Love Rule'' in the studio.
  • Howard interviews ''Seinfeld's'' Michael Richards. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/27/97. 8:35am
      Michael Richards, Kramer on NBC's Seinfeld, came in to plug his new movie ''Trial and Error''. Howard talked to him about his new salary on Seinfeld which is around $600,000 per episode! He said that he'll do just one more season of Seinfeld and that's it. Howard also talked to him about getting a divorce after 18 years of marriage. Howard still dreams of doing this himself but he just can't bring himself to do it. Michael said that it was a mutual split. Howard asked Michael if Jerry Seinfeld ever mentions Howard's name around the set. Jerry got mad at Howard after Howard talked about his young girlfriend years ago. Michael said he knew that the two of them weren't getting along but Jerry doesn't really mention Howard at all.
  • Jerry Springer calls in. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/6/97. 8:35am
      TV talk show host Jerry Springer called in to discuss the controversy that's been swirling around him lately. Jerry got a job doing commentary on a Chicago tv station. One of the anchor women quit her job because of this so Howard wanted to talk to Jerry about it. Jerry said that he doesn't even get paid for doing the commentary on the station. He said that he's upset that the woman left her position but Howard just called her stupid. There's no reason for her to leave just because she doesn't like Springer according to Howard. Jerry also discussed his unusual past with Howard. Jerry was once the mayor of Cincinnati until he admitted to sleeping with a prostitute.
  • An annoying woman calls in to tell Howard about her first lesbian experience.
  • Mob stool pigeon Henry Hill visits Howard. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/2/97. 8:55am
      This should have been a really revealing interview. Henry went out with the E! show crew yesterday and showed them some of the spots where bodies were buried. Rent the movie ''Good Fellas' and you'll know who Henry Hill is. Henry actually came into the studio this morning. He hasn't been to New York City for about 15 years! Howard learned a few things about Henry but not what he really wanted to. Howard found out that Henry is 53 and has no teeth of his own. He had to take out his fake teeth because he couldn't talk with them in. Howard had the video tape of Henry's trip around the old neighborhood to go through with Henry but it didn't really work too well. All it ended up being was shots of people's houses and empty lots. Henry was pretty quiet during the whole tape thing and didn't have any juicy details. Howard seemed to be a little disappointed with that part of the interview. As usual there were people calling in to yell at Henry. One guy who says he's in the mob yelled at Henry for a while. Then a woman who's married to a guy in the mob yelled at Henry and his girlfriend Kelly. That part of the interview was pretty interesting. Today is also The Mike Walker Game day so Henry hung around to play that.
  • Howard talks to some KKK guys. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/6/97. 6:55am
      Some guy claiming to be the Imperial Representative for the KKK in California called Howard this morning. He discussed his hatred of the Mexicans in California but also said he doesn't have a problem with Asians or ''gooks'' as he called them. Howard had a tape of Daniel Carver, the KKK guy from Georgia, yelling about Tiger Woods and how black people shouldn't be allowed to play sports with white people. While Howard was talking to this guy from California Gary was busy getting Daniel Carver on the phone so they could chat about each others hatreds. It was a very strange discussion because each guy had their own bizarre reasons for hating different racial groups. Daniel told Howard that the Jews are lower than ''faggots'' which are below black people. According to Daniel, blacks are not even human! Geez, this guy is tough!
  • Howard interviews Charro. An excerpt from the MarksFriggin.com Archives reads:
    • 5/19/97. 8:45am
      Does anyone remember Charro? Let me see if I can describe her... She used to make appearances on the Tonight Show, she has huge breasts that she used to show off, she has a really annoying spanish accent and she used to say ''Coochie Coochie'' a lot. Now do you know who she is? Well she still has that really annoying accent and she was on the show today to plug her new CD ''Gusto''. Howard spent about 15 or 20 minutes with her. He talked to her about how she came to this country when she was 15 years old and about some old fart that she married so she could stay here. I couldn't understand half of what she was talking about so I won't get into anymore detail.
  • Howard goofs on Scott DePace from E! about being homophobic.