Artie said he went to the NY Giants game during Thanksgiving break and it was the coldest game he's ever been to. He and Howard spent a few minutes talking about the game and how bad the Giants played. Gary came in and added to the football conversation a bit. Howard ended up talking about The Sopranos even though he missed it. Gary said he didn't think it was all that great but Howard said he doesn't care about that. The guys spent a short time on that and then got back to the vacation discussion. Howard said he drank quite a bit while he was on vacation. Robin said she was also drinking quite a bit while she was down in Bermuda. She said she had to be taken out of the place she was drinking at after the second Long Island Iced Tea she drank. Howard went on to talk about some of the people he saw while he was in St. Barts. There were a couple of people he knew while he was there. He also met some other people down there too. One guy told him that no one would bother him while he was down there. The same guy bothered him and told him not to tell everyone about the island because it would spoil it. Howard complained about some other guy who was yelling while talking on his cell phone and yelling at his family. Robin said she ran into a fan while she was in Bermuda. The woman recognized her and said she loved that ''Newlyweird Game'' they played. The woman didn't know that the guy with her was Mr. X because he wasn't wearing his mask. Robin said the woman wondered who that guy was even though he was standing right next to her. Howard got back to his vacation and talked about some of the other people he saw on his vacation. One guy turned out to be a NY Daily News reporter who told Beth he was going to write a piece about their vacation and then ran away. Howard said he got mad and ran around trying to find the guy but couldn't find him. He'd apparently told Howard he grew up around the same area he had and spent some time talking to Howard as if he were a fan of his. Then he found out he was a reporter. Howard also talked about all of the hot chicks that were there running around topless. Howard said Beth was going to go topless but Howard told her she couldn't because there were 20 fans waiting around to take pictures of her.
Howard said there were some fat chicks there getting topless too. He said there were some fat chicks who had nice boobs though and he understood why they were going topless. He described one woman as being pretty hot but her face was like Helen Hunt's. He said he was busy watching her taking her top off and putting it back on over and over again. He met some other hot chicks and ended up talking to them too. Beth ended up getting a massage while she was there and Howard said her masseuse was the hottest chick. Beth told him it was a professional massage though and nothing else happened. Howard took a break after talking about all of the vacation stuff.
Gary told Howard that he has to talk to John about how he ended up fighting with his mother-in-law over vacation. He was making a toast at their dinner and she interrupted him and said ''You're Drunk!'' in front of the rest of the family. John said stuff like that goes on all the time with her. She apparently told him his dog is too big for the city and stuff like that. John said it's constantly a battle with her. John told Howard about some other stuff that goes on with his mother-in-law. He said he got home on Sunday after doing some comedy gigs out in California and he was pretty worn out. He asked his wife to walk the dog and his mother-in-law told him he should do it. Luckily Suzanna told her to leave him alone because he was tired. Robin was thrilled that this stuff was going on because he's ''trained'' his wife over the years but never worked on her mother. John said this happens every time they're together. This is the same woman who almost caught John pleasuring himself one time. John ended up telling Howard that he's been going to the bathroom in a bottle lately because he doesn't want to walk past his dog. John said the dog wants to go out when he walks past it so he's been pissing in a bottle. He said he went in a Sprite bottle and ended up knocking it over the next morning. During this discussion Artie was doing an impression of what he figured John's mother-in-law sounds like. The guys goofed on John for a while. John said he's been holding off on baptizing his kids in respect to his mother-in-law but now he's thinking of doing it just to piss her off. He said she scammed him and told him that she was going to do this name thing with the kids and it turns out what she did was a Jewish naming ceremony that made them official Jews. John said that the kids are being raised as both Jewish and Catholic but now he's thinking that there's too much Jewish stuff being brought into their lives so he might raise them Catholic.
John told Howard about another fight he had with his mother-in-law when he went over to have dinner one time. He needed to take a shower after a work out but she didn't want him to because dinner was coming soon. Even after the shower the dinner wasn't ready and it turns out she didn't want him to shower because the shower was just cleaned. He said he took his keys and almost left that time.
John asked Fred if he has any of these problems. He said he doesn't have the same problems that John does. He told Howard that he's told his wife that she can raise their new daughter, Tess, Jewish if she wants to. He said he's not a religious guy so he doesn't care either way.
John said his wife and his mother get along most of the time but they have had some conflicts. He said they're able to work things out though. Howard ended up talking about how John can be pretty annoying and he doesn't realize it. Howard said John showered at his place out in the Hamptons while he was staying out there. Howard said his buddy Ralph used to do the same thing to him and he'd tell him to go home to shower because he was only supposed to be there for an hour anyway. Howard had to take another break after this.
Howard took a call from a guy who wondered if it was the ''meanest listener'' or a roast contest. Howard said it's open to interpretation so the entries could be pretty much anything.
Howard said people were asking about Fred's baby so they posted a picture of him on HowardStern.com. Howard checked it out and the guys laughed when they saw the phony picture. They said the baby looked like Michael Jackson's baby.
Howard moved on to talk to Artie about what he really did on vacation last week. He said he just hung around the area and hung out with his friends and family. He'd joked about going to Mt. Airy Lodge in the Poconos but he was just kidding.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he loves the Monday after Thanksgiving shows because they have so much to talk about. He said he loved the stories that John was telling about his mother-in-law. The guys ended up goofing on John a little more before Howard took some more calls. One guy asked if Howard is letting professional comedians enter this ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest because one of them sounded like Nick Dipaolo. Howard said the only pro that has entered is the Reverend Bob Levy. Howard said he's asked other comedians why they haven't entered and they said they're afraid of offending the guys on the show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he saw an old David Letterman show featuring Howard. He said Howard had his old curly hair and he goofed on Letterman through the whole interview. Howard said he wished he knew it was on because he would have plugged it. Another caller told Howard that it was a really old Letterman that was on some cable channel. The guy also bitched at Howard for spoiling an episode of The Sopranos last week. Howard said he didn't mean to spoil it and apologized to the guy.
Another caller brought up Savanna from Scores and her porn movies. Howard spent a few minutes talking about how hot she is and how great the dances were that she gave him at Scores. That led to Howard talking about how Beth yanked him out of Scores when they went there one time. Howard said he and John went out to dinner one night with their women and some other people including this guy Ross. Howard said there was a rock band at the restaurant so Howard tried hooking them up with Ross who works for a record company. Howard said they went to Scores after that and he was getting a complimentary lap dance. John said it was very erotic being their with their women while they got lap dances. The woman dancing for Howard leaned down and said something to him. Beth thought that Howard was kissing her but she was just saying something to him. Beth ended up yanking him out of the club. John said that really sucks because the party is over when Howard leaves the party. John wanted to talk about how there seems to be some friction between Howard and Beth about the calendars she's put out. She won't tell Howard how many she's sold so far. Howard said he's not upset about that though. John and his wife tried to get the info out of Beth but she wouldn't tell them either. John said he thinks it's over 5000 because he asked her if it was over or under 5000. She apparently told him it was over 5000.
Howard said he liked the fact that Beth pulled him out of Scores. He said it shows that she's really into him. Howard said he had sex with her every night while they were in St. Barts. The caller Howard had on the line had asked Howard if he was watching any porn lately. Howard said he hasn't because he's so busy with Beth.
Howard said he's consumed with getting an English Bulldog so much that he was on Adam Sandler's web site checking out video of his dog. Stuttering John said he wants to get rid of his dog on the weekends because it's so much work. Howard said he'd take care of it for him. Howard said he's been looking into getting a puppy and was talking to a breeder recently who is expecting a litter on Christmas Eve. He said a couple of months later he'll be able to get one of them if he wants to.
Bobo called in and brought up a story about an ex-stripper from Scores who is suing the club for sexual harassment. Howard ended up getting the story so he read it on the air. The woman is claiming that the club owners demanded sex and some other stuff from her. Howard talked about that for a short time and then went on to talk about how hot some of the chicks are at the club.
Bobo changed subjects and asked Howard why he's never met Beth's father. Howard said he just never comes to New York. Howard said he's offered to go back home with her but she never brings him. He's met her mother and they get along fine. Howard ended up talking to Bobo about his recent break up with his girlfriend. Bobo said they broke up after 5 years.
Howard said that he was talking to Judith Regan the other day and she's looking for a man. She runs her own book company and she's now single. Howard said she actually agreed to do a dating game on the show. She's the woman who helped edit Howard's book and published it with him. Howard said he's heard some very interesting sex stories from Judith. She also had some fun with him while they were at a meeting one time. She threw an ice cube down his pants while they were having a meeting. Howard said she might be as old as 48 but the last time he saw her, she looked really good. Howard said he'd bang her if he was single.
Gary talked about how Judith is one of those women who ''needs'' sex like guys do. He also said if she finds someone she's really into, there will be some action. Howard told Bobo he wasn't eligible to win though. Howard said he'll let guys send in pictures of themselves and a bio so they can pick out a few guys to play. Stuttering John said he couldn't stand it if Bobo ended up winning and he knew he got to be with Judith.
Gary said he saw Howard and Judith get into a fight over something one time and it was really embarrassing. Howard explained what happened and how ridiculous it was. He wanted to get an opinion from an intern at the book company and Judith went nuts. Howard said he had to walk out of the meeting and threatened to take the book off the table if she didn't come around. Howard spent a few more minutes on that before taking another break.
Howard took some phone calls to kill some time. He got a call from a guy who wants to be part of the Judith Regan dating game. Howard told him to just e-mail him or mail in a photo and his info.
Howard brought up the story about Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley getting a divorce just 4 months after getting married. Howard said he wished he had the full story but they don't have all of the good stuff in the article. Howard goofed on that story for a short time. Howard said he never understands why celebrities are in such a rush to get married anyway. He wondered why they don't just bang each other and live together for a while. He spent some more time on that story before moving on to other stuff.
Howard also brought up the story about Zsa Zsa Gabor and the car accident that put her in a coma. Howard said he wasn't even sure he wanted to bring it up on the air because his younger fans wouldn't even know who she is. He spent a few minutes talking about that story and how her hair dresser was driving the car. Howard said the best way he could describe Zsa Zsa is to say that she was Moses' boyfriend or something like that. He talked about how she's famous for being famous but she's never really done anything.
Howard also read that Heidi Klum is getting divorced so the guys spent a couple of minutes goofing on that. Howard said he thinks that she probably has another boyfriend already.
Howard and Robin brought up a few other news stories that they found interesting. They mentioned Jerry Seinfeld and how he's just about torn down the house he bought from Billy Joel.
Howard ended up talking about movies for a short time also. He mentioned some of the top 10 movies that are out and how well Harry Potter has done. Howard said both Gary and Stuttering John enjoyed the latest 007 movie. Gary came in and mentioned that the DVD release of ''Ice Age'' sold some ridiculous amount like 17 million copies after it was released. Robin mentioned the Austin Powers movie they're releasing on DVD and some of the wacky stuff they're putting in it. Howard said he can't get through any of those movies though. Gary said he thinks he's becoming a Rob Schneider fan and can't wait for the new movie to come out. Howard talked about how great ''Deuce Bigelow'' was for a few minutes. Howard also talked about how he still wants to do a movie but he's trying to find something that's no going to flop. He said he was offered something pretty funny but it might not do well in theaters. He seems pretty sure it would be a straight to video movie. He said his youngest daughter hasn't seen his movie ''Private Parts'' yet and he doesn't want her to because it's ''all lies'' according to him. Gary brought up this movie ''Narc'' that stars Ray Liotta. Howard saw a preview copy and said it was good but he's not sure it will do that well in theaters.
Howard moved on to play some more ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest entries. He played one from a woman who did an ''Ode to a Nigga Bitch'' about Robin. He then played one from a guy who pretended to be Hank the Dwarf. It was pretty short but Hank told Howard what a prick he was. Howard then threw one in about Tom Chiusano. The guy just yelled about what a dick Tom was. Howard cut it off and said the guy was really annoying. He took a break a short time later.
Howard changed subjects and talked about a letter her got from a prisoner who asked him to send some bikini pictures to him. He said that the guy can't get any nudie magazines so he can only get bikini shots. Howard said he sent him one, but it was a bikini shot of bodybuilder Nicole bass in a bikini.
Howard moved on and said he got an article about a new reality show that's supposed to air. It's called ''Celebrity Detox'' and there are going to be real celebrities going into a rehab on some island. Howard read the article and thought it was a phony article. After reading it and talking about it for a short time he finally figured out that it's a British show that's airing on their Channel 5. The guys talked about how crazy the idea was.
Howard read an article about how his old high school football team couldn't play a game over the weekend because the other team refused to play there after a drive by shooting happened in the area. Howard and the guys talked about what a mess Roosevelt high school has become over the years. Artie said the other team were a bunch of punks for not playing though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there was a Jackie the Joke Man pay-per-view event on the other night and it really sucked. He told Howard that they used his name all over the event and it was really bad. Howard said he didn't know anything about it and he had nothing to do with it. He said he wishes Jackie luck in his career but he had nothing to do with that mess. He goofed on Jackie's voice for a short time before moving on to something else.
Robin brought up the latest season of ''The Osbournes'' and how watching it is different now than it was in the first season. She said watching them now is ''bizarre.'' She brought up some of the stuff that happened during the first episode and how strange it all is now that they've become so famous. Kelly has her own album now and Jack is upset that she's not giving him more credit for helping to get her signed.
Howard changed subjects again and said he had another High Pitch Erik phony phone call. He played Erik calling Dr. Joyce Brothers to get some advice on what to do when women think he's got no balls because his voice is so high. After getting the advice, Erik asked Dr. Joyce if she'd suck him... She then hung up on him.
Howard took a call from a guy who was from the team that wouldn't play Roosevelt High School. The guy said they have played the team in the past but this time they thought they'd be better off moving the game. Howard spent a short time talking to that guy and another guy who lived in the area. They shared stories about how bad the crime is in the area. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about growing up in Roosevelt and how horrible his life was back then. He got beaten up constantly and his parents refused to move even though all of the other white families were moving away.
Howard said he liked what he was hearing on the album. Cabbie said he was impressed with the female drummer they had playing on the album.
After the discussion about Kelly Howard said he also heard that Cabbie had invested in a race car team. Cabbie said he invested in an Indy Racing League team and they're going to have an announcement sometime soon. Cabbie said it was an African American driver by the name of Willie T. Ribbs (they later found out it wasn't Ribbs but another team of drivers). Howard and Artie goofed on the whole thing asking questions like ''Does he have a license?'' and ''You 'own' a black guy?'' as they questioned him about his investment. Howard and the guys wondered how he's going to make money being part owner in an Indy racing team. Cabbie seemed to think that there's plenty of money to be made but Ronnie the Limo Driver said that's not something that's easy to make money on. There are many sponsors and there's not a lot of money to bring in. Cabbie didn't seem to have a lot of information on this big investment he'd made.
Howard took a few calls about this driver Willie T. Ribbs. One caller said the guy isn't that great of a driver and he's not the only African American in Indy car racing like Cabbie kept saying. The guys ended up goofing on Cabbie and Willie T. Ribbs' name a bit. Stuttering John came in and said it sounded like the dumbest investment he'd ever heard. This was part of the money Cabbie won in the big fight they had earlier this year so John wondered how much he had left. Cabbie said he's just fine with the money and it's none of John's business what he does with it.
Howard got back to Kelly Osbourne for a short time and played another track from her album... which turned out to be one of Stacy Rucker's songs, not Kelly's. He then played one of her tracks and said she's not bad.
Cabbie also revealed that he's now engaged to his 20 year old girlfriend. She asked him to marry her and he said he would. He had a ring on that he showed to the guys. Stuttering John sounded pretty surprised when he made the announcement. Cabbie said they haven't set a date for the wedding yet. Howard told him to take his time and not get married right away. Cabbie said he gets along with her mother really well and her parents aren't freaked out by him at all.
Howard and the guys goofed on him a little more about his Indy car investment before taking another break. Howard later heard from a guy that Cabbie didn't put any of his own money into this team, he just brought on a sponsor for the team. He is still part owner in the team though. Howard also heard that it's not Willie T. Ribbs who will be driving for the team, it's two other guys whose names were George Mack and Ivan Cappelli.
Howard mentioned that some of the guys at the station went on the web to get some illegal satellite stuff and now the guys who put their names on a list for the stuff are getting legal letters. Howard asked if anyone there wanted to come in to talk about it. He knew names but didn't want to mention them unless they wanted to come in. Howard said the guys have an offer from this lawsuit that says they can drop the whole thing for $3500. Gary came in and said none of the guys are coming in to talk about it. Gary said he heard that some of the people being sued are counter suing saying they're being harassed. Howard ended up talking about some other wacky lawsuits that are out there. He read something about people suing about homosexual sex saying that it shouldn't be legal.
Howard and the guys talked about how bad Scott smells from smoking. They also talked about his yellow fingers and stuff like that for a short time.
Howard took a call from a guy who got one of those letters from the satellite companies about being sued. He said they can't prove that you ever used the satellite receivers so there really isn't a case. The guy seems to think that it's just a scare tactic the satellite companies are using to get people to pay that $3500. He said he doesn't think they have a solid case against these people. Another guy called in and said that cable companies do the same thing and have fined people $10,000 for having illegal cable boxes. Gary said he knows people who say that the signals from these satellites are in the air and they're just taking them so it's not illegal. They all spent a few minutes debating the legalities of the suits they were talking about.
Howard changed subjects and ended up talking about how he thinks his father didn't work hard enough when he was working. Howard brought up how little the guy made and how they were stuck in a black neighborhood while he was a kid. Howard said his dad put on a show when he came home and complained about how hard he worked. He said Artie's father was a hard working guy. He ended up falling off a roof and became a quadriplegic while he was working. Howard complained that he had to stay home with his father's wife all day while he worked. That led to the guys talking about the money they're making now and what they're going to do with it when they die. Howard talked about how his father just recorded commercials and cartoons while he was working. Howard said his dad was working with celebrities recording these things. Howard said his father came home and bragged that he'd worked with Vincent Gardenia back in the day but when Howard met him recently, the guy had no idea who Ben Stern was. Howard mentioned the only good gift he ever got was the Great Garloo action figure. Robin got him another one a few years ago so the guys ended up talking about that for a while. Howard described the toy and talked about some other cool toys that were out when he was a kid. A listener called in and said he has one of the Great Garloo toys himself. Howard shared some stories about the toy with the caller and said his father hated it. Fred said his father didn't stick around long enough to get him any cool toys. His father left when he was 5 years old.
Another caller told Howard about his nightmare with DirecTV satellite system. He told a story about how he got out of the legal problems by telling the satellite company that he had gotten the stuff from a security company or something like that.
Howard said years ago he had an engineer who had illegal cable so he mentioned it on the air and ended up turning the guy in to the cable company after calling a bunch of people who didn't care at the cable company.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who knew the name of this other toy his friend had when he was a kid. After talking about that Artie joked that Howard was playing with a robot doll when he was a kid and these days kids can play video games where they get to go to Scores (in Acclaim's BMX XXX). Howard said when he was a kid he had to beat it to bad TV shows or 8mm stag films.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he checked the going prices for a Great Garloo toy on the web and it's worth a few hundred bucks. Howard said he's keeping the one Robin gave him in the box and hopes that it will be worth something years from now.
Howard spent a few more minutes goofing on his father before taking another break.
After the break Howard came back and promoted tonight's E! show which features Anastasia the whore and High Pitch Erik vs. Artie in the Treadmill Challenge.
Howard went on to talk about his Rhode Island affiliate which is a black station. He said he loves that and they're doing pretty well up there. He played a couple of promos that they've recorded up there from people like Ja Rule, Amanda Perez, Fat Joe, Ms. Jade, Nivea and Isis. They're all ''getting crazy'' with Howard Stern in the morning. Howard and the guys listened to the clips and goofed on them a little bit. A couple of them were surprised to hear that Howard is on that station. Howard thanked them all for cutting the IDs after he played them.
Howard said that Beth knew the casting director for this movie she was auditioning for and she said that KC was actually pretty good and they may bring him in to do other things. He's not getting the part for the spy movie though.
Howard changed subjects again and brought up this commercial Artie did a while back. Howard said he didn't really want Artie doing commercials but he allowed it anyway. He said he trusted Tom Chiusano to use his judgement in regard to it. Now it turns out that Artie never got paid for the commercial and his manager had to call Tom Chiusano to try and get the money. It still hasn't come through and they're running the commercial a lot. Gary said he thinks that Artie is getting about $50 every time it airs. Artie said he never officially told anyone what he was making from the commercial, they just guessed it. Howard said from now on no one from the show is going to be reading commercials. Artie said he doesn't know what to do now and he's not sure he wants to say anything about Tom on the air. Howard was basically blaming Tom for the whole thing. Robin suggested that Artie call 7 On Your Side which is the local ABC TV station's consumer help team. They went after the station one other time when they didn't come through with a prize. Howard said that Tom is a liar but he hates being called a liar.
Howard said he's friend's with this DJ Booker who works at the station he works out of. He went on to talk about how Booker is dating Jennifer Lopez's sister Linda who is fun to hang out with according to Howard. They spent a few minutes talking about how hot she is. Howard went on to talk about the rumor he heard about Booker taking Linda home to his family during Thanksgiving. Howard said he heard that Jennifer Lopez decided to have a Thanksgiving get together with her family so Booker ended up canceling his family trip and they went to J-Lo's thing instead. Robin said she would probably do the same thing if she was Booker. Gary said he'd probably do the same thing because Christmas is coming up and he can spend time with them then.
Howard read some more e-mail including some stuff about the Kelly Osbourne CD that he played on the show yesterday. He also got some mail about the ''Best of Stern'' segment they played last week with the guys from Milli Vanilli. One guy wasn't sure if it was live or not and wondered if the one guy hadn't actually died.
Howard interrupted that bit to talk to Booker who finally called in. Booker explained that he was actually going to go home on Thanksgiving day only because he was going to Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving holiday. He said his family didn't mind that they went to hang with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck as long as he comes to visit on Christmas. Booker got to fly out on Ben's private jet. Ben also bought Jennifer and Linda's mother a Mercedes Benz so Howard asked him how he felt about that. Booker doesn't seem to mind any of that. Booker told Howard that the only thing he canceled for Thanksgiving was the trip to Puerto Rico. It wasn't a big deal to his mother because she didn't want him to do any more traveling than he needed to. Artie and Howard ended up goofing on Booker about the whole thing for a few minutes. They were doing hispanic accents making up conversations Booker could have had with J-Lo's family members. Booker told Howard there were about 10 people on the flight but he wasn't sure what type of plane it was they were on. He said it was bigger than a Gulfstream jet. Howard asked him who was on the plane and tried to get some of the details out of him. Booker told Howard about a bunch of the stuff that went on out in Vegas with Ben and J-Lo. Gary asked Booker if he talks to Ben and J-Lo about Howard when he's hanging out with them. He said he does but neither of them really listen to Howard. Howard said he heard that Matt Damon is a fan so they wondered if Ben is a fan too. Gary said he heard that Ben is a fan but he doesn't want to do the show because he doesn't want to upset his mother or something wacky like that. Howard continued to talk to Booker about J-Lo and Ben for a while. He even let some phone callers ask him some questions. One guy pointed out that Booker slipped and said they went to see J-Lo's family instead of saying Linda's family. Howard said he's slipped a few times and calls Linda J-Lo instead. Booker said he never does that. Linda came walking in the door as Howard was getting ready to wrap up the call. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Linda about them canceling their Puerto Rico trip to go see J-Lo. Howard wondered why she didn't invite him out there to hang out with all of those people. Linda said if they did that Howard would complain that he has other stuff to do and wouldn't be able to make it. Howard said he'd drop everything to go to something like that. Linda also asked Artie to stop making fun of her mother since he was doing that through most of the Booker interview. Linda told Howard that they actually had to close a store that Ben and Jennifer went to shop at because there were so many people there. Howard wondered if Jennifer and Linda tried on clothes together. She said they have gotten changed together before and it's not a strange thing. Howard said he pictures Booker getting locked outside the store with all of the other fans while everyone else goes shopping. By the end of the conversation Linda was saying that she still likes Robin and Howard but everyone else can go away. Artie was goofing on her mom and Stuttering John was wondering if she's ever going to bring her sister on the show. Howard had to take a break so he wrapped up the call with her and got off the phone.
Howard spent a short time talking to Gary about how he's supposed to come up with something funny to do when he does an appearance somewhere. He doesn't usually do anything when he does these appearances but Howard suggested he pull a monster truck with his giant teeth or something like that. They also thought it would be funny to have Gary run around chasing his kids while his wife yells at him.
Howard said that E! is running a special marathon of sexy Howard Stern shows starting on December 16th. Robin Radzinski from E! came in and spent a few minutes talking to Howard about which shows he thinks they should feature. Robin said that there will be 25 of the reruns during this time. They talked about many of the sexy moments on the show like when Cindy Margolis and her friend Elisa got into sexy underwear and threw water on each other. Howard said that was one of the sexiest shows they had. Robin (Quivers) said that she didn't even remember that one. KC came in and said that he thought the one where Dan the Farter farted in a woman's face for 5 minutes was one of the sexy ones. Robin Radzinski reminded Howard of the Erica the Gymnast show where she did gymnastics while she was naked. There were a whole bunch of others that they mentioned that may be showed during the marathon.
Howard played a few more ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest entries including one where a Mexican guy goes off on Artie for a minute. There was another one where Fred's new daughter Tess talks about what a loser he is.
Howard mentioned that this guest they had booked for the show canceled. The guy claimed that his girlfriend was hotter than Howard's girlfriend and hotter than Artie's girlfriend. He bailed out though so they'll never know.
Howard read a bunch of e-mail they got about the Judith Regan dial-a-date they're supposed to do. A bunch of guys e-mailed the show and said they're interested in dating her. He went through a bunch of those for a few minutes.
Howard had a copy of ''Screw'' magazine in which Al Goldstein writes about his son and how he allegedly stole from him. Howard read the article and said that's something you should never do to your son. He complained about everything he did to help his son over the years and how his son doesn't appreciate what he's done.
Howard did a quick Top 5 songs thing and then talked about Liza Minelli singing on David Letterman's show recently. He played tape of that and goofed on her for a short time.
Robin brought up the fact that Rosie O'Donnell and her girlfriend have just had a baby and they're naming it Rose.
Howard mentioned a story about game show host Chuck Barris apparently being a spy. Howard wondered if that story could possibly be true. The guys made up some other possible game show host headlines and goofed around with that for a short time.
Debbie Schlussel called in to talk to Howard for a short time about something he'd mentioned earlier in the show about one of the UN inspectors being the head of an S&M club or something like that. She gave Howard some more details and talked about that before Howard took another break.
After the break Howard played a couple more ''World's Meanest Listener'' entries. He replayed one that was supposed to be Tom Chiusano talking as a robot. Howard also played one of a guy rapping to a song about KC being a fudgepacker. Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) sent in his roast of Ronnie the Limo Driver. He went off on him for a full minute and did a nice job of roasting him.
Howard talked about a Mariah Carey special that's being run where she makes claims about not being crazy after all of the strange stuff that went on in her life over the past couple of years.
Gary the Retard called in and talked to Howard about last night's E! show which had Beetlejuice and his manager Sean trying to climb up on a billboard and falling off. Gary was saying that Beetlejuice was dumb for trying to do that. Howard said Gary has been called dumb his whole life and he finally has someone he can call dumb. Howard ended up talking about the time Gary the Retard and Beetlejuice had an intelligence competition and Beetlejuice spelled the word red ''lster.'' Howard had the clip there so he played it for everyone to hear. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Gary before moving on to Robin's news
After the break Howard said they're doing ''The Freaky Feud'' on tomorrow's show. They're flying in some whores from the west coast, from the Bunny Ranch, and they'll have some other whores from the east coast to compete. Howard said they also have Ryan Seacrest and Brooke Burke coming in tomorrow. Howard said Brooke is on the cover of FHM magazine and she looks really hot. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about Brooke. Artie said he had dinner with her one time because she's a friend of one of his friends.
Howard interrupted the conversation to ask Artie if he wanted his toast. He said the place where he gets his breakfast gives him like 10 pieces of toast. He said he eats like one and Artie eats the rest. Howard also reminded everyone to check out HowardStern.com where they have a picture of Artie with the love of his life. They also have a picture of Fred with his baby Tess there. Howard said don't expect to see anything else there though. He said he could have a cool site but he'd have to charge people to see the stuff he'd want to put there. He went on to talk about how he's putting out some E! show tapes soon that will be uncensored. He said when the project is done it will be great but it's harder than he thought.
Howard was talking about how he's thinking of getting his middle daughter something to do with taking pictures because she loves taking pictures of her friends. He mentioned a cell phone that Sanyo puts out that allows you to take pictures and send them to people. He said it's like $300 which isn't that bad for the technology that's available. He said he takes his youngest daughter to FAO Schwarz to shop because that's a cool place to shop. He got something for his oldest daughter while he was in St. Barts. He said he went shopping for everyone on the show too and it always ends up costing him like $50,000 a year.
Howard had Stuttering John come in because his girlfriend had sent over a gift for him. It turned out to be the calendar that she's put out (BethO.com (link removed, do not visit)). Howard said she signed it for him and sent it over to John. She also clipped something to the calendar for him. It was tissues for him to use when he beats off to it. She signed it and said the first two tissues are on her. John checked out the calendar and said she looks great. He went through every month and commented on the pictures. Howard's favorite seemed to be April. John liked them all. She wears different outfits and poses in odd places. Howard pointed out that you can see some nipple in the October picture. John was excited about that because it's his birthday month. Howard said he doesn't know who is buying these things. John said he's going to hang his copy in his kitchen on a bulletin board. After seeing the pictures John said that October, November and December were the best. They somehow missed September so they looked over that one and Artie said that was his favorite. John also noticed that Beth thanked Stuttering John for the support. John thought she didn't thank Howard but it turns out she just used his initials to thank him. Artie said he's going to get one of these calendars now that he's seen it. He said he may get 10 copies. Beth also threw in another card with pictures of herself for John. Artie told Howard that if he ever has a college reunion he should just bring the calendar. Howard said they just had his high school reunion not that long ago and they forgot to invite him.
Howard said when he was younger he didn't think it would be cool to hang up calendars like that in his room. He figured if he brought a girl in his room she'd think he was a douche. He went on to talk about how he had stag films that he kept in a drawer. Those weren't easy to set up though. He talked about what a pain in the ass it was to set up the projector and get it put away after watching one of the pornos.
Howard told John he should light up the calendar or frame it to really piss off his wife. Gary came in and asked John if, in the next two days, he will whack off to the pictures in the calendar. John said she's so unobtainable that he might not be able to do that. Howard said he could create a fantasy around her that would allow him to run off a batch. Gary said he already had one in his mind. Howard told him he's whacked it to his wife and Stuttering John's wife so it's no big deal. Artie was asked if he's ever whacked it to someone's wife but he claims he hasn't. Fred said he never goes there with other guy's wives. John said that he used to not be able to get off to the image of a woman if he hadn't been with her. Now he says he finds himself doing that. Howard said that's because he's married now. John pointed out that Gary fantasized about getting two interns that used to work there while they were still there. Gary said he talked about that on the air back then and it was really embarrassing. Howard heard that they have a bunch of good looking interns again. Gary said Howard will love the Intern Beauty Pageant when they do that soon. Someone brought up Anne Marie who works as the office manager there. Most of the guys have whacked off to her but Howard said he never has. The guys talked about how guys are way to nice to her and give her a lot of free stuff for no reason. Gary said she gets free stuff all the time. He gave one example of how he gets sushi from this place and they charge him an extra quarter for packets of soy sauce. When she went to get him the same meal and the extra soy sauce, she got it free. Howard said she could make a ton of money working at Scores as a stripper. That led to a discussion about Scores strippers and how it really doesn't help out a marriage. Howard said it didn't help his relationship at all when he was still married. Gary talked about one time he went to Scores and one of the dancers there had sparkles all over her and got them all over him. Gary said he had to stop at a gym to take a shower before going home. Howard said that Lonnie banned sparkles from Scores after that happened. The guys also talked about how they have special stuff in the bathroom there at Scores to help get rid of the perfume smells you get on you there. They use coffee beans and other stuff to help guys out.
Howard and the guys spent a few more minutes talking about Scores and what goes on there. Howard said John gets massages there. Artie said John moans and says ''right there!'' and stuff like that when he's getting massaged.
Double A called in and talked about the scenario he has for hanging out with Beth in his fantasy. That led to the guys talking about some of their whacking habits. Howard talked about watching ''Gilligan's Island'' and beating off to Ginger when she'd come on.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know if he's going to stay on the air longer than Imus. Howard spent a minute talking about how crazy Imus is and how he just doesn't give up. Stuttering John wondered if Howard is going to give them notice when he does quit. Howard said the conversation they were having is their notice. He said in the past he has said that he'd retire when his contract was up but he'd end up staying. He said this time he's pretty sure he's done. Gary asked him what he's going to do when he does retire. Howard mentioned his production company and all of the stuff he has going on with that. He's got TV shows and movies in the works already and he's trying to get some other stuff started. He wants to get ''Howard Stern the High School Years'' cartoon out there. He talked about that idea recently and spent some more time talking about it this morning. He has some great ideas for that cartoon. Gary asked Howard if he leaves radio, would he ever come back? Howard said he's not sure he would. Howard talked about how he'd also like to do movies but not a sequel to ''Private Parts.'' Howard spent a couple more minutes talking about that and then took another break.
Howard had some new Christmas CDs that just came out. He played one ''Jingle Bell Rock'' that was done by Corey Feldman (CoreyFeldman.com). He puts his own spin on the ''rock'' part of it and it doesn't come off very well. Artie was just laughing when he heard it. They goofed on Corey a little bit and played some more of the song. The guys spent some time talking about whether or no Corey has any money. That led to Howard talking about this new dating show on E! where they follow celebrities around on dates. He said they have the guy who played Eddie Munster on ''The Munsters.'' He said he saw that episode and the girl he was set up on the date with was mean to him. He said the whole thing was pretty funny. That led to the guys talking about dating and how tough it was to get chicks when they were younger. Howard played some more stuff from Corey and Robin said that she didn't think anyone could be worse than Stacy Rucker but he manage to do that. Howard then played the new song Stacy Rucker sent him. He played it yesterday and spent a few more minutes goofing on the song today. Artie said he'd rather see her singing than Corey Feldman.
Howard played a little bit of Britney Spears' re-release of one of her songs. They talked about how she just turned 21 so she's ''legal'' to bang now.
Howard spent a short time talking about ''The Osbournes'' latest season premiere. Robin had mentioned it earlier in the week but Howard hadn't seen it yet. He said he felt like it was kind of sad to watch them now and some of the stuff seemed a bit forced.
Howard brought up Michael Jackson who is in the papers again today. Howard said Jackson claims that he was bitten by a spider on his foot and was walking around on crutches. Howard talked about how he's sick of seeing Jackson in the papers. Howard said Jackson is asking photographers not to take pictures of him below the waist because of this. Howard read the article about Jackson being in court and making weird noises and faces while on the witness stand. Howard said he thinks that Jackson probably saw Spider-Man and now he wants to become the character by getting bitten by a spider. Howard said that's probably what he was thinking when he held his kid over the balcony a couple weeks back. He said Jackson probably thought he could save the kid with his web if he dropped it.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about a news story about Winona Ryder for a few minutes. He also brought up Matt Lauer's interview with Mariah Carey that was on last night. Howard said she looked pretty good on the show but Matt Lauer didn't look too good. Robin said he looked like he just came out of Auschwitz or something. Howard said he used to be a good looking guy but now he looks like Timothy McVeigh.
Howard played a new phony commercial he had for the ''It's Just Wrong Home Game.'' He said it would be great if they could actually sell something like that.
Howard brought up another story about how Disney's ''Treasure Planet'' flopped and that probably means that Michael Eisner's time is limited there at Disney. They spent a few minutes talking about Eisner.
Howard asked Royce to do his Kermit the Frog voice but ended up hanging up on him after about 3 seconds.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about some other stuff. They somehow ended up talking about the old days when Robin used to make people cry. She had interns that she would yell at and make cry. They also talked about this guy Mitch who worked for them who really hated Fred.
Howard also brought up the Judith Regan dating game they're going to be doing soon. Howard talked about that for a short time. Howard said he got a letter from one of the guys out at his L.A. radio station who said that Judith is an ''ice queen.'' He quickly read the letter and said that she's actually a sexy woman who has demonstrated how she gives oral on a pencil. Howard said he'd do her even though she's like 50.
Howard brought up a story about this guy John Edwards who does the show ''Crossing Over.'' The show has become the number one show on a local FOX affiliate. Howad said he can't believe that and said he was yelling while he was getting his hair done this morning when he read the story.
Howard said that he's got to make a decision about whether or not he wants to go to Las Vegas next year to do some shows. He said that there are people going out there to scout out locations. Howard also said that Gary didn't want to go so he told him to tell Tom Chiusano that they wanted a private jet. When he told him that it killed the whole thing. Howard said he heard that Anne Marie also went out there to check out some stuff. Howard said he hasn't heard a report about that yet and doesn't know why she went out there. Howard heard that Doug Goodstein from E! went out there too. Gary said Doug took a bunch of pictures while he was out there for Howard to check out. Howard said he doesn't need to see any pictures though.
A listener Howard had on the phone mentioned Howard's divorce while he was telling Howard what he thought were the best shows he's done. That led to Benjy and Gary talking to Howard about the divorce and some of the stuff that went on. Howard said he still can't believe that he's divorced.
Howard played a couple of ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest entries. He played Sal the Stockbroker's latest entry about Gary. He pretends to break into Gary's home and bukkake's him. Howard played another one where a woman does a Robin Quivers impression and points out how annoying she is. The impression was actually very good. Howard moved on to Stump the Booey after that.
Today's contestant was Kristen. Kristen said she's 34 years old. Howard told her she looks much younger though. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her before getting to the game. Howard read that she went out with Crazy Cabbie one time so they talked about that. She said she didn't date him, she just met him and hung out with him for a while. She said he ended up sending her a dozen roses after meeting her. He called her a few times and went out shopping with him. She said he dumped her while they were out to eat by just telling her he had to make a call. He never came back. Cabbie called in and said that she was ''full of it'' and he didn't know what she was talking about. She said she has e-mail to prove that he does know what this is all about. Cabbie said it's no his style to send roses and she might be crazy. The guys spent some time talking about the situation and Cabbie still couldn't recall ever going out with this woman.
Howard eventually got to the game after asking Kristen to show off her rack. He was impressed with what he saw under her shirt. She said she's between a C and a D-cup. Howard said she has a Demi Moore look. Howard moved on to the game and played the first song. Both were writing down their answers after a few notes. Gary knew it was ''Axl F'' by Harold Faltmeyer. Howard played the second song and Gary knew it right away. Kristen wrote down her answer and said she wasn't right. Gary had it right with ''And We Danced'' by The Hooters. Kristen just had the name of the song. Howard moved on to the third song. Gary knew it immediately and wrote it down. Kristen scribbled her answer down. They both got the correct answer of ''(Keep Feeling) Fascination'' by The Human League. Howard played the fourth song and both got it pretty quick. Kristen needed a little more to get it though. Kristen had the artist but not the name of the song. Kristen didn't have the answer so Howard said he'd give it to her if she showed him her boobs. She said she couldn't but the guys tried to convince her to do it anyway. KC came in and told her to just ''whip those things out.'' Gary knew the answer to the song so he gave it before Kristen made her decision. The song was ''Some Like it Hot'' by Power Station. Kristen kept putting it off. She was afraid that someone she knows would see her on E!. Kristen brought her friend Amy in to consult with. She wanted to get her opinion about what she should do. Amy said she wouldn't do it so KC told the guys to get her out of there. Howard spent a minute talking to Amy but then wanted her to get out because of what she was saying. Howard kept trying to get Kristen to show her boobs but she wasn't doing it. She finally agreed to do it after being coaxed into it by the guys. Howard told her just what to do and said she had to give them a 30 second look. She apologized to her family before doing it. Howard said she had some rack on her too. KC gave a loud ''WOW!'' when he saw them. All of the guys were impressed.
The guys spent a couple more minutes talking about her before getting back to the game. He played the next song and Gary, as always, knew it. Kristen didn't know the right answer though. She showed her boobs for nothing. She knew the name of the song but didn't know the band. Gary gave the answer of ''Dance Hall Days'' by Wang Chung. Howard wrapped up the segment a short time later. He told Kristen that he'd give her a whole new game if she just took off her pants.
After five more minutes of offers Kristen broke down and agreed to play another game. Gary was offering to spot her 2 songs if she and her friend Amy just made out. She didn't want to bring Amy into that so she turned that offer down. Howard had made some other offers like letting both of them play but only spotting them one song. Kristen kept saying that she didn't want Amy playing though so that was dropped. She finally agreed to pull down her pants and show the guys her thong for 60 seconds. She did that before they took a commercial break. The guys said she had a nice body even though she kept saying she knows she doesn't. Howard said she had a nice ass and even her belly was pretty good for a 34 year old. KC made some crack about her having a 34 inch waist but Howard told Kristen that he's gay so she shouldn't listen to what he says.
When they came back from the break Comedian Lewis Black was there so Howard spent a short time talking to him and then got to the second game of ''Stump the Booey.'' Gary was saying that the songs that they've played so far have been easy for him. The guys said that he probably won't be beaten by a hot chick, he'll probably be beaten by some geeky guy like Vinnie Favale from CBS. Howard moved on and played the first song which was ''Ico Ico'' by Bell Stars. Gary finally screwed up and missed the answer when he couldn't guess the name of the band. Kristen didn't know it either. The second song was ''Buffalo Stance'' by Nena Cherry. Gary got it right, Kristen didn't. The next song was ''65 Love Affair'' by Paul Davis. Kristen got it right as did Gary. The next song was ''Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird'' by Will To Power. Gary got it right, Kristen didn't. That meant that she blew it again. Howard told her all of that nudity was for naught. The $5000 that she didn't win was going to be courtesy of Vermont Teddy Bear. Howard gave them a few plugs and then sent Kristen on her way. Artie said ''So long sucker!'' as she walked out. He also said ''Good looking at your boobs!'' Howard said her boobs will be great on his uncensored video. He also said ''Can't wait to show your ass to my fans!'' which had Artie laughing pretty hard. Artie continued to goof on her for a short time. Howard played a little more of ''Baby I Love Your Way'' and said they should make that Kristen's theme song. Gary came in an short time after that and said that Kristen heard all of that and told him to tell Artie he was ugly as she was leaving. Artie said ''Yeah, but I have my shirt on honey!''
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to know why all of these gay songs from the 80's were being used for the game. He said they should have songs from the 90's instead. Howard said the whole idea is to have songs that Gary knows from the 80's since that's what he's good at. Artie said this was the best ''Stump the Booey'' yet. Lewis Black said his favorite part of the game was that Vermont Teddy Bear was sponsoring it.
Howard talked to Lewis for a little while and took some phone calls before Robin's news. A guy by the name of Lavincent called in to ask a question so Howard ended up talking to him about the name. He wondered why his mother threw in a 'La' before Vincent. The guy claims that the nurse made a mistake and that's why he ended up with the name. The guys all goofed around with that for a few minutes talking about some of the other wacky names people have. Lavincent claims that his name was going to be L.A. Vincent but the nurse screwed up and put them all together. Howard thought the L.A. was strange itself, never mind the Lavincent.
Howard spent a few more minutes with Lewis talking to him about his stand-up comedy. Artie said when he was about 24 he went to see Lewis 3 times in one night because he was so good. Howard then had Robin do her news. Lewis hung out and commented on some of the news stories and threw in a couple of interesting stories of his own.
Howard came back from break and said they'll have Henry Winkler and William Shatner on the show tomorrow. Howard brought up the game they're going to play with William Shatner tomorrow. Anyone who thinks they know more than William Shatner about Star Trek can get in to compete against him in a trivia game. Howard said the winner gets to have sex with West Coast Whore, Sunset Thomas.
Howard brought up the FHM yearly calendar and said they have his girlfriend's picture in there. Howard also brought up the Stuff magazine calendar and wondered who the chicks were that they feature in their calendar. Howard said Stuff seems to be slipping a little bit.
Howard said he heard that John brought home his BethO calendar and hung it in the kitchen yesterday. John came in and confirmed that but changed the subject when he said he had Underdog lady on the phone. John said that he was going to tell Howard a story but she wasn't going to talk unless he gets the story wrong. John explained to Howard that Underdog doesn't seem to grasp the concept that Howard's listeners don't listen to the show all the time. John said people are still harassing her even though Howard asked his fans to stop. Howard said people will probably goof on her no matter what because her act is so different. She whispered a ''no'' at one point during this discussion when the guys were saying that she is actually doing a comedy act. It turns out people probably think she's doing a comedy act but it's not. Underdog was tapping her answers since she didn't want to talk on the air. John also said that Underdog is also upset that Howard says he loves her. She eventually started talking but was still whispering. Howard and John tried to get her to talk in a normal voice but she didn't want to. Howard said he wants to talk to her but wants to hear her talk in a normal voice. She started to talk a little louder as the interview went on. She complained about Howard's fans bothering her. She hates that and wants it to change. Robin said that Underdog would find a way to get around a situation like this. She was still blaming Howard for being banned from certain places and when Howard started to tell her that's not his fault, she hung up on him. Howard asked fans to please stop bugging her when they see her out at parades and stuff like that. Howard said that Underdog reminds him of Joe Piscopo because they both think they're in show business when they're really not and they're both being goofed on. Howard and the guys wondered if Underdog ever gets laid. They pretty much agree that she doesn't have much chance of that happening. Howard brought up the Supreme Court women and how ugly those women are and how they probably don't get laid either. Gary told Howard that anything to do with sex is dirty to Underdog so she probably doesn't think about sex. Gary said Underdog overheard some people talking about Howard at a parade so she went over to confront them and almost got thrown out of the parade. Gary said that Underdog's tapping on the phone made him laugh pretty hard. Howard asked one more time for people to please leave her alone when they see her out in public.
Stuttering John brought up the Whitney Houston interview that was on TV last night. Howard didn't see it but he did talk about how she used to be good looking and now she's not. John talked about some of the stuff that went on during the interview and how he didn't believe a word she said during the interview. Howard heard about some of the stuff that went on during the interview so he brought up some of that stuff. One of the quotes from the show said something about Diane Sawyer asking Whitney about possibly having spent $730,000 on drugs from one dealer. Whitney replied ''Show me the receipts!'' like they'd actually have receipts from a drug dealer. The guys spent a couple of minutes goofing on her before moving on.
Howard brought up the UN inspections in Iraq and how comical it is.
Howard talked about a recent episode of ''Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' in which Aimee Mann performed a song. He said he liked the music but he wasn't sure if he liked the music or just liked it because he likes ''Buffy.'' Howard said he bought her CD after hearing her music on the TV show because he wanted to find out if he'd like it off the show. Howard played a couple of clips from her CD and didn't hate it. He seemed to like what he was hearing.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that he was with Brooke Burke last night and told Howard that he's never seen a woman as hot as she is. He said he got to go to some party where chicks were hanging out in bikinis while all of the guys were in suits. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about Brooke and the party. He also took a call from a guy who wanted to know if Chaunce saw the Brooke Burke DVD that's out. Chaunce said he hadn't seen it but the guy gave a review of a J-Lo video that's out. Howard got off the phone with Chaunce and talked about a couple of other things before taking another break.
Howard got right into the interview when she came in. Howard talked about how tall she is and whether or not she'll wear high heels into bed when she has sex with her husband. She said she has about 100 pair of shoes and she does like the heels. Howard wanted to check out her feet after talking to her about that. She showed them to him and he seemed to think they were pretty nice. Howard bragged about how nice his feet are after that. He moved on and asked Brooke about this party Chaunce was talking about earlier in the show. Brooke said she wasn't in a bikini at the party like Chaunce claimed. Howard wondered what is up with that guy. Brooke said that she wasn't even sure who this guy Chaunce was. She said she knew that he ran a picture of her on his magazine that surprised her.
Brooke talked about her breast implants for a short time. She said she used to have a small B-cup but she's now up to about a C. She's had two kids and said that her breasts seem to shrink after each one.
Howard said Brooke was wearing a mini-skirt with no panties but she told him she was wearing panties. Howard asked her if she shaves her bush but she didn't want to talk about that. Howard asked Robin if she shaves it all and she said ''no.'' Brooke still refused to answer his question about it though. He moved on and asked her if she ever has girl on girl sex but she didn't want to talk about that either.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who brought up E!'s ''Wild On'' and asked her if she ever hung out with Jenna Jameson. Howard asked her if she's ever had sex with Jenna but Brooke said she hasn't. She said she knows Jenna because her husband is her plastic surgeon. Brooke said Jenna hasn't ever asked her to have sex with her and she's a very normal, down to earth person.
Howard talked to Brooke about her kids for about 30 seconds and then brought up the big entourage that Brooke brought with her this morning. She said it really isn't that big though.
Howard wondered why E! is having such a hard time trying to find someone to replace Brooke on ''Wild On.'' Brooke said they found a replacement and talked a little bit about how hard she worked on the show.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Brooke and guys asked her some sexual questions like whether or not she's tried anal sex. She didn't want any part of those questions but Howard said he'd tried it with some women. He tried to find out when she lost her virginity and stuff like that but she wasn't talking. She did talk about her marriage and her kids though.
Howard read through some other stuff about Brooke that he found interesting. She claims that she was once offered $30,000 to sleep with a guy. She said that was true but another fact Howard had about her getting fat sucked out of her face was false. A lot of the stuff Howard had was from an Esquire magazine article and Brooke said a lot of it just wasn't true.
Howard asked her a bunch of other questions about her sex life that she didn't want to talk about. Gary came in and said he had a feeling Brooke would deny a lot of the stuff they had in their notes. He said he thinks that she used to be more open when she was younger before she became famous. That's when that article in Esquire was written. She said she wouldn't deny some of that stuff if it was true.
Howard took a call from a guy who was stuck in his car out in Pittsburgh because of a snow storm. He said the only thing keeping him going was Brooke's sexy voice. The guys told Howard that the snow storm was heading to New York and he said he hates that stuff.
Howard threw in a few more sex questions and took more phone calls. He still couldn't get any answers out of her about using vibrators and stuff like that. Jeff the Drunk called in and asked her about oral sex but the question got censored out for some reason.
Howard gave Brooke a couple of plugs for the stuff she has going on. She's on the cover of FHM, she has a calendar and a new swim suit line coming out soon. She's also got the ''Barely Brooke'' DVD and a bunch of other stuff. Robin wondered how many calendars she sells. She said she thinks the company has ordered like 50,000 copies or something like that. She said she sells all of that stuff on her web site which is at BrookeBurke.com. Howard gave her a plug for the web site and she said most of the stuff is free. There is a membership available but she doesn't have any nude shots on there. She said she does have shots of her feet that were taken all over the world though. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard moved on to the East Coast whores and started out with Gina who said she started out when she was only 13 years old. Howard read some facts about her and then moved on to Kaitlyn. She's only been a whore for about 4 months. She's only 18 years old. She said she's always loved sex. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about what it's like to be a whore. She claims that she makes no less than $300 an hour. Next up was Baby the whore. Howard talked to her for a short time and found out she's been a whore for about 5 years now. He then moved on to the game.
Howard had Caressa and Kaitlyn come up to play the game. He explained the game to the girls and told them that they surveyed men and asked them ''What do men like to do right after they have sex?'' Caressa said ''Eat ice cream'' but that wasn't one of the answers. Kaitlyn said Sleep and got the number one answer. Howard moved on and asked the East Coast Whores for the rest of the answers. Here are the top 5 answers:
Howard started the second round and had Sunset and Baby starting off the round. The question was ''Name your favorite location outside the bedroom to have sex.'' Baby said in the kitchen but it wasn't on the board. Sunset said ''in the car'' and got the number 2 answer. They got control of the board and tried to take the round. They lost it and the East Coast Whores took the round. Here are the top 5 answers:
Howard moved on to the third round and the question was ''What sex act do guys want most?'' East coast took the round with their answer of Oral sex. Howard moved on and asked the girls to try and get the rest of the answers. Here are the top 4 answers:
West Coast took over the board when the East Coast lost it after getting their three strikes. They took it and got all the points from the round.
Howard did the final round and ''Name a sexually transmitted disease.'' East Coast took control with AIDS. They tried to get the rest of the answers and managed to win the game when they got all 5 answers. They swept the game. Here are the top 5 answers:
Howard wrapped up the game and gave the East Coast Whores a plug for their web site CityVibe.com. Howard also thanked all of the girls from the Bunny Ranch and gave them some plugs for their web sites. You can see them on BunnyRanch.net.
Howard took a break after that and when he came back he took a call from a guy who had been to the Bunny Ranch. He spent a minute talking to that guy and then took a call from a guy who wanted some advice from Howard about his marriage. The guy said his wife doesn't do anything sexual with him anymore so he wondered what he could do. Howard told him to get out or go to the Bunny Ranch. The guy said he sells cars so he tried asking a woman out but got turned down. While he was talking about all of this stuff his daughter was there next to him bugging him. Howard continued to talk to the guy about the marriage. The guy said his wife has even given him permission to get a girlfriend. Howard told him to go for it if he has the chance. Howard got off the phone with that guy and took another call from a truck driver who said he saw a guy playing with himself while he was listening to the whore segment. He said he wanted to run him off the road. Another caller told Howard not to play that Brooke Burke interview on his E! show because it was boring. Howard said he agrees. He said she was a nice person but the fact that she wouldn't talk about shaving her bush was lame. He said she appeared in Playboy and still wouldn't talk about it. He said a publicist probably got hold of her and convinced her she's going to have a big career. Howard said she's not that well known and she's known for wearing a bathing suit on E!. Gary came in and said that they're going to run the show tomorrow night but they're going to throw in a bunch of her bikini shots instead of playing the whole, boring interview. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that before moving on Ryan Seacrest.
Ryan spent a short time telling Howard the names of women he's dated. He said he's gone out with Brande Roderick, Jamie Bergman and Angie Everhart. He wouldn't admit to banging them though. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Ryan and then took some phone calls for him. One guy said he takes care of himself like Ryan does and doesn't think that he's gay. Artie said he is gay though if he does that. Another guy claims that Ryan is gay and he banged him one time.
Howard also talked to Ryan about his co-host Brian Dunkleman who left the show. Ryan didn't say anything bad about Brian. He said he heard that he wanted to pursue his stand-up comedy career and that's why he left. Ryan said he has a radio show out in L.A. That he does every day. He's also going to host FOX's New Year's Eve show. He said he loves his DJ job but he's done a bunch of TV shows including E!'s ''Talk Soup'' but nothing else worked out as well as ''American Idol'' has. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that show and some of the gay stuff he did on there. Ryan said that the new season of ''American Idol'' starts January 21st. He's also doing a show called ''Ultimate Revenge'' on TNN that airs Sunday nights at 9pm. He explained the show to Howard and also had to explain that TNN isn't The Nashville Network anymore. It's The National Network now.
Howard asked Ryan who the hottest chick he ever banged was. Ryan told Howard he wouldn't know who she was if he said her name though. Howard told him he's going to have to bang a chick on his show love to prove he's no gay. He took a couple more phone calls for Ryan before wrapping up the interview. Check out Ryan's web site at RyanSeacrest.com for more info about all of his projects.
Howard talked to Kathy about Andy Dick for a couple of minutes. They talked about some of the other guests quickly. Kathy mentioned that Sara Silverman is dating Jimmy Kimmel now so they spent a few minutes discussing that relationship. Howard said no one is supposed to know about them dating but Kathy said the story is out there already. After hearing all of this Howard said Kathy really is a fun chick. He said that he's bummed that none of his friends are inviting him to their Christmas parties. Artie invited him to go with him and Dana to hang out down in South Jersey. Howard turned that offer down though.
Howard asked Kathy what this story was about Mariah Carey being upset with her about something she does in her stand-up act. Kathy said she was using some Mariah Carey tape in her act but she might have to move on to use the Whitney Houston interview now because it's so interesting. Howard pointed out that Whitney looks like Manute Bol now.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people rip on him a bit. One guy was badmouthing Howard and Artie. Kathy wondered what just happened after hearing that call. He took a couple of other calls and then gave Kathy a plug for some appearances she's making at the Laugh Factory out in L.A. each Wednesday through the end of January.
Kathy brought up this show ''Celebrity Mole'' that she did for ABC. She said that Stephen Baldwin did it with her and it was really embarrassing to do. She said the show premieres on January 9th. She went on to talk about all of the other so-called ''celebrities'' that are on the show with her. She said it features her, Stephen Baldwin, Kim Coles, Corben Bernsen, Michael Boatman, Frederique and Eric Von Detten. Howard didn't know who most of them were. Kathy went on to complain about how Frederique rambled on and on about herself while they were stuck in a van for a day. Kathy said she doesn't get along with people very well to begin with and it was really tough with some of these people. She complained about Eric Von Detten bitching about how he can't lose his baby face. She also talked about Stephen Baldwin getting into a fist fight with Corben Bernsen. Kathy said she was humiliated on the show and she was pathetic. She fainted at one point but she couldn't give Howard the details because it hasn't aired yet. She said it should be pretty interesting.
Howard took a break and Kathy stuck around to hang out during Robin's news segment.
After the break Howard and Kathy spent a couple more minutes talking about her party. Howard wondered if Brooke Shields is going to be there. Kathy said she might. She talked about the party and some more about the ''Celebrity Mole'' show. Kathy talked about Stephen Baldwin being one of those ''wiggers'' and how he got into the fight with Corben Bernsen. Howard said Kathy filled his head with a bunch of stuff during the commercial break. Howard said all of the celebrities on that show seem to think they're A-list celebs when they're really not. Kathy said that Stephen Baldwin was talking to Amad Rashad like he was a brother.
Howard took some more calls for Kathy. A guy asked why she doesn't do more shows out on the East Coast. She said she likes to perform at Caroline's but they're cheap. Another listener asked if she'd consider inviting regular fans to her party. She said she would and she'd let the caller come to the party if he can get his ass out to L.A. Another caller complained about Howard complaining about not getting invited to a party this year. Howard ended up yelling at him and hung up on him. Howard said the guy just doesn't understand him and he doesn't know why he's bothering to do the show. Howard was fed up with all of this stuff so he had Robin get to her news.
Stuttering John came in and said that he had Underdog lady on the phone and she was very upset. He said that even she understands why Happy Days went bad when Fonzie became an unbelievable character. Howard put her on the air and spoke to her about Fonzie for a short time. Yesterday she refused to speak up and today wasn't much better. She was almost whispering as she was talking. Underdog told Howard that she's still upset about Howard's fans bringing up his name in front of her. She keeps asking Howard to make them stop but they won't. John said he told her to ignore them. She doesn't and they won't stop. She got very angry a couple of times when she told Howard that they ''did NOT stop'' bothering her. She told Howard that he spoiled her reputation years ago when she was on his show. Howard told her that her act is very unusual and that is provoking people to react to it. He and the guys tried to convince her that the fact that people still relate her to Howard's show is pretty impressive. She made quite an impression on people over 10 years ago. Howard told her that what she does makes people get weirded out and they react to it. Underdog got very upset and ended up hanging up on Howard again after getting out her thoughts on the whole situation. Howard thought it was pretty strange that she's blaming all of this on him. The guys said that she was probably being goofed on before she was on the Howard Stern Show but people weren't yelling out his name. Howard said he has asked people to stop bothering her but they're not going to do that. Howard said he could replace Robin with Underdog and listen to her all day. Robin got a little upset about that so Howard said he could replace himself with her. Howard took a break after that discussion.
Howard came back from commercial break and talked about yesterday's big snow storm that hit the New York area. He said he remembers getting a lot more snow when he was a kid so he thinks that the global warming thing is affecting the weather.
Howard talked about this jacket he has from Phat Farm and how it has all of these zippers in it. Artie told him all of those zippers are for hiding drugs. Howard said it's like a multi-purpose jacket that can be a pocket book, drug paraphernalia storage and a bunch of other stuff. Howard said Russell Simmons sent him that jacket a couple of years ago and he didn't think it could possibly be that great. He talked about how big it is and how he's actually hit other people with it trying to take it off at a restaurant. He said he can't wear it because it's so big. Howard moved on to talk about his Caterpillar boots and how he was sliding all over the place this morning. He said he looks like he's got CP while he's walking around in those things. He said his daughter had to help hold him up while they were walking around last night.
Howard was wondering where you get the Phat Farm clothes so Isaac from E! came in and told Howard there's a Phat Farm store in SoHo. King of All Blacks called in and told Howard to stop wearing the Caterpillar boots and get some Timberlands. He said the soles on those are much better than the boots he has now. King said he walks around in ice and doesn't slide with the Timberlands. Howard wanted to see a picture of the boots so he could check them out. King said that he was on a cell phone that he can take a picture with and send it to him. Howard talked about how amazing the technology is these days. King said that he could even send him the picture if he was in China. Howard made a crack about how he was going to go to China and wait for the picture there.
Crazy Cabbie called in and told Howard that King of all Blacks was right about the boots. He also brought up the phone he has and how it has a camera built right in and even has a built in flash for the camera. Cabbie said he loves the phone and he'll bring it in to show Howard. Howard told Cabbie that he couldn't keep him on the phone too long because according to his e-mail, he loses listeners every time he's on. Howard read some of the e-mail he's gotten about Cabbie. A lot of people really hate when he's on the show. Cabbie got in a plug for the Cane and Cabbie show and for Trim Spa the weight loss thing he always plugs when he's on. Howard said Cabbie is like one of those pop-up ads on the web.
Howard said he has 6 people who are definitely in the finals and he needs 4 more. Howard played one from this guy Chris Pellegrini. He did one where he's John Stamos talking to Howard and eventually screwing him. Howard said he's in the finals.
A woman called in and said her entry was better than that one. Howard said there were a lot of unfunny entries and just because you think yours was better doesn't mean it was. Howard said he was going to find her entries and play them to see how funny they really were.
Howard played another one from Mike Davidson who did his roast as Artie's dead father talking about how Dana doesn't really like Artie. Howard was going to play another one but then he decided that it would be funnier to call the people on the air to let them know they're in the finals. Howard got some of the phone numbers and tried dialing one of the finalists. The phone wasn't cooperating with him at first. The first guy he called wasn't in so he called another one of the finalists. Howard surprised Mike Davidson and told him he was one of the finalists. Mike wasn't listening so he had no idea he was a finalist. He didn't even know which one of his entries got into the finals. He said he sent in like 15 entries. Howard spent a short time talking to him and said he figured he'd be more excited. Mike got into it a little more and got more excited. Howard got off the phone with that guy but he said he had to take a break. The woman who called in earlier about how her entry was funnier that the ones Howard was playing, called in again and did her roast live. She roasted Howard and it really wasn't that bad. Howard told her he took a nap during it though. He then said he was just kidding and it was okay. He took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who wanted to know if any of her entries were in the finals. Howard told her to just wait to find out. Howard had to take a break but he talked about the Star Trek Challenge they were going to do first.
After the picks Howard took a phone call from a guy who told a story that no one could figure out. He said something about going to his parents house, pulling down his pants, getting a glass of milk and waking up the next morning with the TV turned off... They figured out that he must have been caught masturbating by his mother or something like that.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Shatner before getting to the game. Robin brought up the fact that Shatner admits that he's getting older and hates it. Howard said Shatner had a goatee this morning. Shatner said that he's got that for a part he's going to be doing in the near future but he hates facial hair.
Howard told Shatner what they were going to be doing this morning. He then brought in Sunset Thomas and introduced her to Mr. Shatner. Howard told him that she's a whore and she may be sleeping with a listener after the game. Howard had Sunset tell everyone about how she has appeared in Penthouse magazine and that she's now a whore at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch (BunnyRanch.net). Sunset told the guys that she gets about $2000 an hour as a whore. Howard said she looks great although she looks a little like a Vulcan.
Howard told Shatner that if he beats this guy in the trivia game, he can bang Sunset. Shatner said he's happily married and he won't be doing that. Howard told him to just bring his wife with him. Sunset ended up telling the guys how she keeps herself excited while these guys bang her. She said she excites herself before the guys come in so she's prepared. She said it's also exciting when the guys are banging her. The guys figured out approximately how much money she can make in a year. They figured about $2.5 million.
Howard brought in this guy John who was competing against Shatner for this big prize. He says he knows the original Star Trek pretty well but not the newer stuff. Howard had Sunset show Shatner her ass and boobs before getting to the game. Howard asked Shatner if he saw any Klingons back there when she showed her ass. He said there may have been some borgs running around, but no Klingons.
Howard moved on to the game and asked John the first question. He alternated between John and William. Here are some of those questions and the correct answers:
Howard also gave Mr. Shatner a plug for this paintball thing he's doing Sunday night on Pay-Per-View. Shatner said there are 1500 people who will be competing against each other in a paintball competition. He said it's a 2 hour special and it's being done for a charity. There's also a DVD coming out about the event. It's called ''Splat Attack'' and it's available on DVD on December 10th. Check out his web site WilliamShatner.com for more info.
Howard read in his notes that Henry was once invited to one of Cher's parties back when he played Fonzie and she asked him why he didn't talk like that character. Henry said that story was true and told Howard that she was disappointed in him because of that. Howard got right into it with Henry about how he never really seemed to get laid when he was younger. He got married at the height of his fame and he's still married to that woman. Henry said family life satisfies him and it keeps him grounded. Howard asked him if he dated when he was the Fonze. He said he did date some women before he met the woman he married. Henry told Howard he did went to the Playboy mansion one time but it turned out to be a funny situation. He said he ate some food off one of the playmate's plate and she yelled at him. He said he got up and left after that.
Henry said he was 27 when he got the part on Happy Days so he wasn't all that young. He said before that he had a part on the Mary Tyler Moore show but the Happy Days thing took off. Henry said he didn't get much money in the beginning of the show but his contract was renegotiated later and he made some good money. He still gets residuals from the show but they're not all that much.
Howard brought up a story about how Henry's daughter Zoe called a friend and complained about Eminem's CD and the call ended up on his CD. Howard said he had the clip from the message but couldn't find it. Howard said she ended up agreeing to let him use her voice on his CD and signed away her rights to the clip. Howard finally found the clip and played it. She was really angry after hearing his vulgar songs.
Howard said Henry's wife Stacy used to be a huge fan of the show and she used to tell people to listen when he first started out in Los Angeles. Then Howard said something about Henry and pissed her off. Gary said she called and asked him why Howard would do that. Howard admitted that he's a mental patient and that's why he does that.
Howard heard that Henry's son is dating one of the Olsen Twins. Henry said that's true and they were dating but they're now just friends. Howard said that's a big catch if he could hold on to that. Henry said the girls are lovely and very down to earth girls. Henry said his son Max is a winner and he'll do what he wants. Howard said he wants to get him on the show now that he knows that. He wanted to know which one of the girls he was dating. Henry said that it was Mary Kate who was coming over the most. Both of them come over to the house because Max's friend is dating Ashley. Howard ended up asking Henry if he'd allow him to put a hidden camera in his bathroom. Henry said he'd do just about anything for him except that.
Henry brought up his other kids and how successful they are too. Henry snuck in a mention for the new Hollywood Squares while they were talking about that. Howard then spent a few minutes talking about how they like what they've done with the show. Howard said he stopped watching while Whoopi was on but he's back to watching now. Henry said Gilbert has returned to the show.
Howard couldn't get over the fact that Henry's son is dating one of the Olsen Twins so he kept asking questions about that. Howard also told Henry that he wants to make a ''Girls Gone Wild'' video featuring the Olsen Twins. Henry said he'd let them know.
Howard asked Henry if he's still in touch with Ron Howard. Henry said they're very close to this day and he's actually the God Father for his kids.
Howard brought up the JumptheShark.com web site and how it's all based on the episode of Happy Days when Fonzie jumped over some sharks. Howard asked him what he thought about it and Henry said that any publicity is good publicity.
Howard let Henry get in some plugs for his new show ''Win Tuition'' that's airing on the Game Show Network. He talked about that a little bit before Howard brought up the Olsen Twins again. He just couldn't let that go. Henry had nothing but good things to say about them.
Howard took a few phone calls for Henry. Jeff the Drunk called in but didn't have much to say so Howard hung up and moved on. A woman called in and said that the highlight of her week was always talking about Happy Days the day after it aired when she went to school. Howard figured Henry hated the Fonze character but he did a little bit of him for the woman on the phone. She was thrilled to hear it. Some of the stuff the woman was saying was kind of disturbing to Howard.
Artie asked Fonzie, I mean Henry if anything ever happened with the chicks who played Pinkie and Leather Tuscadero on the show. Henry said he never did anything with them and Pinkie has gone crazy. He said that she just recently shot her neighbor's car with a shotgun. They spent a short time on that and then moved on to some other stuff.
Howard asked Henry about some of the other people he worked with on Happy Days and he didn't have a bad word to say about any of them.
Howard gave Henry a couple more plugs and took some more phone calls for him. A listener called in and asked Henry who got laid more, Scott Baio or him. Of course it's Scott Baio who got more chicks. Howard and Henry ended up talking about Baio and the chicks he used to bang. Howard told Henry that he seems to be really with it and normal. They spent a little time talking about that and then Henry asked Howard if he'd ever do Hollywood Squares. Howard said he won't do it because he's too big for it. He told Henry he did the show many years ago and hated the experience. Howard said they edited out all of the cool stuff he did and it pissed him off.
Artie asked Henry about the Dom Deluise show where they had to ''crane him into his square.'' Henry talked about that for a short time and Henry didn't have anything bad to say about him either. Howard said he doesn't have anything bad to say about anyone but Pinkie Tuscadero. Howard wrapped up the interview after talking to Henry for a couple more minutes.
Howard played a new song parody about Scott the Engineer called ''Scotty From The Block'' to the tune of Jennifer Lopez's ''Jenny from the Block.'' Fred did the Scott the Engineer voice for the song.
Robin Radzinski from E! came in and told Howard next week they're going to show the Freaky Feud two-show special featuring all of the whores.
Howard also got a bunch of mail about the Dina Meyer E! show and how great Artie was talking about her each time she'd leave. Howard went on to said that the Kathy Griffin interview was liked by a lot of people too. He read some e-mail about that and some other stuff.
Howard said he read that the Guns 'N Roses concert was great last night in the city. Stuttering John came in and said that Doug from E! was at the concert and he had some interesting stuff to say about it. Doug came in and said that he thought Axl Rose was lip syncing during the concert. He also said that Axl showed up late and the second opening act, which was a DJ, sucked. Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard brought up a story he read about how over in Afghanistan the biggest toy of the season is an Osama bin Laden action figure. The guys spent a few minutes talking about how messed up that is before moving on to the ''World's Meanest Listener'' contest stuff.
Once they got that all straightened out, Howard had Mike play his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories: