A listener reminded Howard that there was an interesting article in Saturday's NY Post. Apparently when Sean from Survivor made his appearance last Friday on the show he ruined his relationship with Billy Joel's ex-girlfriend. The article says that she broke up with him after the show because of the discussion. Howard had Gary get Sean on the phone to find out what happened. Sean said that she called him and said she was upset about what he was talking about on the show and now they're broken up. He hasn't spoken to her since that call. Sean doesn't know how it made it in the paper the next day. The article says it was ''her pals'' who told them about it. Sean is over it though. He says he has to move on and that's that. The article also said something about her not knowing that Howard was going to be calling her but both Howard and Sean said she knew. Sean's being cool about the whole thing. He said she called at like two in the morning Saturday and he just told her he couldn't talk about it at that time and just hung up on her. Howard was getting a laugh out of the way Sean handled the situation. Sean just doesn't really care that she's breaking up with him. Sean said Howard didn't ruin anything for him. He hinted that she was kind of annoying anyway.
Howard had some tape of his former boss Sy at WCCC up in Hartford, Connecticut doing a little bit of air time. Howard said that there were stories that Sy would fire DJ's and take over for them on the air. Howard said that only happened one time that he knows of but that was his rap. Then Sy would get on the air and sound like a robot reading the weather and stuff like that. Howard played a quick clip of Sy's broadcast and goofed on it for a few minutes. Jackie said Howard has been talking about this guy for 15 years and he sounds exactly like you'd expect him to after Howard's description.
| Question | Caller Says | Hooters Girl Answer | Correct? |
| How many planets are in our solar system? | N | Don't know | N |
| How many days are in a year? | Y | 360 | N |
| Which weighs more a pound of silicone or a pound of saline? | N | Silicone | N |
| Is Canada north or south of the United States? | DQ | North | Y |
| Where is the Eiffel Tower located? | N | Don't know | N |
| Is Australia a city or a continent? | DQ | Continent | Y |
| How many seconds are in 3 minutes? | N | 190 | N |
After that quick game Howard spent a little time talking about last week's Crazy Cabbie ice cream out of the ass segment. Cabbie was on the phone talking about his ''mangina'' or ''assgina'' whichever you prefer. Howard talked about what happened and how the guy who ate the ice cream did it for his band. Howard played one of their songs and the band was offered more than one record deal. Howard also played their song ''Swan Dive'' one more time.
Cabbie also told Howard a story about almost getting in a fight with a WWF wrestler by the name of Christian. He explained how he once annoyed the guy when he appeared on the Cane show. Then he ran into him on the street over the weekend and introduced himself. When Christian realized who he was he wanted to fight him. Cabbie backed down because he says he's not a violent guy and he doesn't want to get sued for punching him out. There was a camera crew there shooting something with Christian and another guy. Cabbie said he offered to fight the guy off camera but he wasn't into that. A couple of callers called Cabbie a pussy for backing down again before Howard ended the call.
Howard told Maralyn that he got the impression that she might be gay from watching the series. He said that because of her short hair and the fact that she's a cop led him to believe she might be gay. He also pointed out how she called one of the other women her ''constellation'' on the show. Maralyn said that they left out some stuff when they cut the show and she also included one of the guys in that ''constellation'' speech she made.
Maralyn said that she really enjoyed Australia and even got two tattoos to remember it by. She got a crocodile on her arm and a kangaroo on her calf.
Howard asked Maralyn more questions about sex on the island and if she saw anything happening there. She said there was nothing going on. She said she gave a couple of the guys massages and nothing came out of it.
Howard took some phone calls for Maralyn and they asked a couple of questions about the Survivor thing. Someone even asked Maralyn if she'd hit the bottle this morning because her speech sounded slurred to him. Maralyn said she's been sober for almost 22 years and she always talks slow. She said she quit drinking when she was 30. She still smokes though and the people at Survivor actually gave her nicotine patches to keep her satisfied while she was there.
Howard noticed that Maralyn said ''hey'' a lot after someone would ask her a question. Fred then started playing a tape of Beetlejuice saying ''hey'' each time Maralyn would say it. It was a great battle of the heys.
Howard heard that Maralyn has been singing on the other shows she goes on so he wanted to hear it. She sang a little song parody about the Survivor show that wasn't all that great. She was a good sport about it though.
As Howard was wrapping up the interview he asked Maralyn where she went to the bathroom while she was on the show. She said that she didn't have to go all that often because she wasn't eating much. When she did go she said she had to ditch the camera crews. Then she'd have to use bark from a tree to wipe with. She told Howard she had to clear off the bugs from the bark first and then use it as paper.
They spent a couple of minutes talking about Celebrity ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire''. Kathy said she would love to do the show but she was rejected. She said they told her that she ''isn't there yet'' meaning that she's not famous enough. Howard said he was asked but he doesn't feel the need to give away his money to charity. He told Kathy that he demanded a million bucks to do it and he'd keep the money for himself.
Howard also brought up the fact that Kathy is getting married soon. He asked her why she'd want to do that at this time in her life. She said that she wants to do it. She's been going out with this guy for 2 years and now they're going to get married.
Kathy goofed on Sharon Stone at some AIDS charity event one time so Howard told part of that story and had Kathy finish it. He said that he heard it from his buddy Pat. He told everyone how Sharon made a really pompous speech about how she once passed a man on the street and felt a presence as she walked by. She turned around and saw that it was John Lennon. Sharon also read some of the words from the song ''Imagine'' and started to cry. Kathy said all she could do was think of comedy material during that speech. Then Kathy goes on stage and tells a similar story about walking past a man and as she turned around she saw it was Elvis. She goes on to recite words from ''Hound Dog'' like Sharon did with ''Imagine''. Howard thought that was really funny.
Howard said that Kathy is friends with Andy Dick who is mad at him. She said Andy told her that he always felt safe on Howard's show but after his last appearance he doesn't feel that way. He felt like he was ambushed by the phone calls Howard let through. Howard thinks that's a bunch of crap of course. Howard said Andy knew that they take phone calls like that and he shouldn't act like that. Kathy said maybe Howard's just not part of the ''sober'' Andy's life. Howard said he hopes Andy starts drinking again so he gets funny again.
Kathy also knows David Spade. She said when he told the story about his assistant attacking him she thought it was scary. She had a problem with her assistant also. She said he was arrested on the lot of a TV show after trying to run over a guard. She said they didn't have his name on the list to get on the lot and he tried to run the guy over. She no longer has that assistant.
Kathy told a story about how she insulted Toni Braxton at the Billboard Awards one time. She'd planned on making a joke about Britney Spears' breasts but ended up using Toni's name instead. She later found out that Toni had just had one of her implants burst that week.
Howard got back to Kathy's engagement. He told her that he thinks her TV show will probably last longer than the marriage. She said she'd be happy if that did happen. Howard said she probably does prefer that she have a more successful TV show than a marriage and she agreed. She said she really does think it'll last a long time though.
Howard asked her if her former co-star Brooke Shields will be at the wedding. Kathy said that Brooke will be her Maid of Honor. Howard said that he was insulted that he wasn't invited and when he heard that Brooke would be there he was even more upset. He said he'd love to go if she's going to be there. Brooke hates Howard though. Howard said it's probably because when she started her show ''Suddenly Susan'' he said that she's an awful actress. He said she's good looking but her acting sucks. Kathy said that she's even warned her about going on Howard's show. She also chewed out David Spade after he brought up her name on the show one time. Howard said if he went to the wedding he'd be nice to Brooke though. He thinks that she'd come around if he just said something nice about her. During the discussion he said something about her not having a body for TV.. He said it was more appropriate for the XFL.
Howard read that Kathy has never tried alcohol in her life. She said that when she was about 7 or 8 she was choking on something and her father gave her a beer to drink to clear her throat. She took two big gulps and thought it was the most awful tasting thing so she never drank. She said when she was in high school she just thought it was just dumb that her friends were all getting drunk and throwing up. She did try weed a couple of times but she's not into drugs.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and asked Kathy if she shaves for her man. She said that she never shaves her private parts because it gives her a rash. She said she just trims it down there. Howard told her she should do it for her man though.
Finally, Howard plugged Kathy's new show ''Kathy's So Called Reality'' in which they review the reality TV shows that are on. The show airs on MTV.
The Cindy Margolis Show is dead according to an article Howard read. He said he really likes Cindy and he's sad to see it go but the show was unwatchable. He also said that they're laying blame on him for the show not making it. Howard said they claim that Cindy originally wanted to do a Rikki Lake-type of show but the syndication company didn't think that would work with Howard's show coming on before it. That's when they changed format to suit Howard's show better. So since it sucked they're blaming him.
Howard was surprised to read the differences in what white people and black people watch on TV. In an article he had it said that the most popular program in black homes is NFL football while whites enjoy ''E.R.'' the most. Second place for black homes was ''The Parkers'' while whites are enjoying ''Everybody Loves Raymond''. Howard doesn't get that whole Raymond thing. He said it doesn't matter who you are, you shouldn't be watching that.
Howard was getting frustrated while reading some blind items in the NY Post's Page Six. He hates the fact that he can't figure out who they're talking about in the article. He and Robin spent a couple of minutes trying to figure some of them out before moving on to other things.
Howard said he read an article about the AIDS epidemic in Africa. He said that the article claims that 35% of the adults in the country have AIDS and they won't accept condoms from the U.S. because they think that they'll put AIDS in the condoms. Gary came in and shared his knowledge of the article with Howard and Robin.
Howard checked out the magazine and Miss Cracked asked him to read it out loud. Howard said he'd hold the suspense and let the audience check it out for themselves. Miss Cracked also asked Howard to play the CD she gave him. It was a really bad rap song about Eminem. Howard didn't get it and didn't know why he was playing it. Howard said none of this made any sense.
Howard had the guy that hired her, Barry Dutter, come in to find out what's going on. Barry kind of admitted that the two of them ''hang out'' together. Howard figured that she got the job because she slept with the guy. Howard spoke to the guy for about a minute before taking some phone calls. Some people told Howard to get the chick off the air. Howard wrapped up the short segment and sent them on their way. Check out Cracked.com for more info.
Howard also took a phone call from a guy in a band called Wolfpac who said he'd be willing to cut off his pinkie finger to get on the show. He says he'll take a cleaver and chop it right off for him. Howard said he doesn't think the bosses at the station would allow the guy to do something like that so he doesn't think it'll happen. The guy just wants to get his band played like the guy from Gloritone did the other day when he ate ice cream out of Crazy Cabbie's ass. Howard doesn't think that history will repeat itself though. Gloritone had a good song but that was the first time that's ever happened on the show. All of the other bands haven't been all that good. The caller said he didn't have to cut his finger off. He said he just wanted to prove that he's willing to do anything to get on the show. Howard never did say he would let him on the show. The guy also told Howard that he's going to get his penis split for some odd reason. He said it enhances sexual pleasure or some crap like that. He said it can still be used to pleasure a woman but it just sounds painful.
The guy who called in with the Jackie tape earlier in the show wanted to play the rest of the Hooters Girl Game that Howard started yesterday. Howard only had 3 questions left to play so he let this guy play along for a prize. Luke listened in while they played. The caller was playing for a $250 gift certificate to Buy.com. Here are the three questions:
| Question | Caller Says | Hooters Girl Answer | Correct? |
| The three states of matter are solid, liquid and... | N | Water | N |
| In what state would you find New Orleans? | N | Don't know | N |
| What is 10 percent of 200? | Two dollars | N |
Howard got back to Luke and tried to find out what it's like to lose a hit show like ''Beverly Hills 90210''. He asked Luke how bad it gets after that. Luke told Howard it's not that bad. He said he didn't mind the quiet after the storm. He said he wasn't into that whole celebrity thing so he doesn't mind it. He said some days he goes out and everyone recognizes him and some days no one does.
Howard asked Luke if he still has to work. Luke said that most actors have to work even after a hit series. Luke said he really doesn't have to work, he likes to work.
Howard read a rumor that Luke had broken up with his wife back in 1999 and started dating Jane Krakowski from ''Ally McBeal''. Luke said that's not true, he and Jane just share a birthday and they call each other once a year to wish each other happy birthday. Luke said he remains faithful to his wife and 2 kids.
Howard and Luke spent a short time talking about ''Oz'' and why Luke has never been raped in the show. Howard thought that perhaps he had it in his contract that he wouldn't be raped. Luke said that's not true and he'd be willing to have that happen in the show. He liked the show so much that he did it for scale which is about $622 per episode.
Howard also didn't understand why Luke got married so young. He wanted to know why he didn't enjoy his fame more. Luke said he doesn't care about that. He told Howard he had about 15 women before his wife and it was enough. Luke told Howard he started getting laid around the age of 14 which seemed to impress him.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that Luke did a nude scene with Ashley Judd in some movie. Luke said that was in the movie ''Normal Life'' and it was never released to theaters. It is on video though. He admitted that he got aroused during the scene. Robin asked if Ashley noticed the arousal. Luke said ''I hope so Robin''. Howard also read that Luke dated Yasmine Bleeth at one time. Luke said he did but they weren't all that famous at the time. He really didn't want to talk about that part of his life either. Howard wanted to know everything and Luke didn't want to tell him any of the details. He told Howard he had a head injury back in 1990 and he can't remember anything before then.
Mr. Skin was waiting in the green room so Howard had him come in to talk about where you can see some of these women nude. He has the Ashley Judd scene on his site so the E! crew brought it up on the screen for everyone to see. Luke said he never watches his own movies though. He didn't want to see that in there. Mr. Skin is the guy who knows every scene in every movie where women celebrities show skin. He said that you can see a Yasmine Bleeth nipple slip in the movie ''Heaven or Vegas'' but that's about all of the nudity you'll see of her. He also pointed out some possible Oscar nominees who show skin. He said in one frame in the movie ''Pretty Woman'' you can see Julia Roberts' breast but it's not really worth getting to see that. Luke had to get going so Howard took a break before talking to Mr. Skin anymore.
Best Actress
Best Supporting Actress:
Mr. Skin continued to give out information on other actresses when Howard let people ask about them. Here are some of those celebrities:
Liz Hurley was brought up by a caller and Mr. Skin said that in a ''Skin-clusive'' he has information that in an upcoming movie called ''Weight of Water'' she'll be rubbing ice cubes on her nipples. Finally, Jennifer Lopez showed her breasts in ''Money Train''. Mr. Skin knew all of this without using notes. He has all of this information in his head. He knew the years, how many minutes in, how long the nudity was and more. He said he's now got 9 people working at MrSkin.com.
Robin explained that she was going to do some ''who's older'' stuff with Jackie today and she was checking some celebrity web sites. That's when she found the two sites with Jackie's birthday listed as being 1945.
Howard took a call from a guy who's in a wheelchair. He was complaining about how handicapped people are portrayed on TV. He used last night's ''Dark Angel'' as an example of the way they're wronged. He said that there was a guy in the show who didn't get the hot chick until he was able to get out of his wheelchair and that's just wrong. The caller told Howard he was paralyzed after hitting his head diving into a pool. The guy explained everything that happened and even told Howard he sometimes wishes his family would have let him drown that day. He works every day and can moves his arms but when Robin asked about his penis he said it works but he has no feeling in it. The guy also told Howard that his wife left him shortly after the accident and married some other guy 3 months later.
Howard went around the room and asked John, Jackie, Gary and Fred if their wives would leave them if they were paralyzed. Stuttering John is pretty confident that his wife would stick around no matter what. He showed Howard his Valentine's Day cards that she gave him. One of them contained a card that said ''Good for one blow job''. Howard said he was going to steal the card and try to cash it in with her.
A listener called in with tape of Jackie's one question on ''Hollywood Squares'' last night. Howard listened in as Jackie mentioned his friend's name for no good reason. Howard had to explain that Jackie was holding up his CD ''F. Jackie'' while the host was giving him a plug for an appearance he's making. Howard told Jackie he should have some class and not always have a CD in his hand to plug. He's the only one who does stuff like that.
Howard said that there were a lot of pictures taken at the Playboy mansion show they did. He was asked if they could put some of them in Playboy sometime in the future. Howard looked at the pictures and said that he is so horrible looking that he's not going to allow them to be put in.
Everyone spent a little while talking about their relationships and stuff like that. The subject of wills came up and pretty much everyone has one made up except for Jackie. That didn't surprise Howard though. He said that it's just like Jackie not to care about what happens to anyone else. Howard said he actually admires that though. He said he wishes that he could not care like so many other people. He's too busy worrying about what's going to happen to his kids if he dies.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in for some reason. Howard mentioned the other day that Dominic is getting separated from his wife and he doesn't return his phone calls. Dominic said he does return them but Howard said he's lying. Dominic didn't want to talk about the separation though, he called in to talk about Jackie's estate and how Nancy probably wouldn't have to pay taxes on it because it's not worth all that much. Howard said that he thinks his own separation led to Dominic's separation. He thinks it's the domino effect starting up and there will be even more relationships that end because his ended. Only time will tell.
Dominic also brought up Maury Povich who was scheduled for today's show. Earlier Robin had mentioned that she read that Maury claims to be 56 years old. Dominic said that he thinks there's no way Maury is in his 50's. He says he's got to be in his 60's. He was even willing to put up $25,000 to Robin's favorite charity if Maury proves that he's 55.
Margie told Howard that she's a lingerie model and she makes plenty of money but when The Globe came to her with the offer, she just couldn't refuse.
Margie went through the whole story of how she met Sylvester at the gym she worked out at. They flirted a few times and Sly eventually brought her to his private office at the gym. She ended up performing oral on Sly after only a short time knowing him. He didn't return the favor though. She said Sly complimented her ass and that's what really got her going.
Howard read that one time Sly rushed her through oral because he had a meeting to go to. She said he didn't really rush her, he was just nervous because he was meeting with President Clinton. Howard joked about how Sly and Clinton could share oral sex stories.
Margie claims that she even went to Sly's 46th birthday party which was thrown by Sly's girlfriend at the time, Jennifer Flavin. Margie claims that Sly cheated with a lot of women at that gym, she wasn't the only one.
Margie told Howard that Sly attempted to rape her toward the end of their affair. Howard said the article didn't say it that way though. In there it said that he just held her down and bruised her arms. She's not claiming it was almost rape.
Through all of this Howard kept trying to figure out why she squealed on him. He told her that there's no way he'd date her because he knows she's squeal on him. She said she wouldn't do that to him though. She said that she was upset with Sly because he promised her stuff and never came through. She said he told her he'd buy her a 3 carat diamond ring and it never happened. Robin pointed out that she demanded the ring before he promised it to her so she shouldn't be upset about it.
Howard let a bunch of phone callers yell at her for a few minutes. They tried to put her in her place.
Howard made sure to say that Sylvester Stallone denies all of these allegations. He says he never touched her. She says she was kicked out of the gym they shared together and she's upset about that.
Howard told Margie that she should come into the studio sometime so they can check her out. He even agreed to be her Valentine today.
Howard started off talking about how Maury was thrown out of the University of Pennsylvania when he was going there. Maury told Howard that he was smart but he liked the women too much and he was thrown out for womanizing. He said it was the worst day in his life. His father Shirley had worked a long time to pay for that school and he blew it. His father's name then became the subject for discussion. Howard was more interested in why his father was named Shirley than anything else. Maury said he was teased as a kid because of his father's name. Howard said he got teased because his mother's name was Ray so he knows what it was like.
Maury told Howard that all of the stories he's read in the rag mags aren't all true. Maury and his wife Connie Chung haven't split up and they're getting along just fine. He said that she's not jealous of him either like some articles have claimed. Howard thinks that he's bored with Connie though. He says he's not.
Earlier in the show Howard and the crew had discussed Maury's age. Maury said that he has never lied about his age and he has always told the truth. He said that he just turned 62 recently and he's proud of it. Howard said he looks pretty good for a 62 year old. Maury even said he's never had any work done. He said he had a barbell hit him in above the eye one time and he had that fixed. He also had a growth removed from the other eye so they evened each other out.
Maury told Howard that he has kids aged 37, 34 and 5. The 5 year old is adopted. He also has a grandchild who is 3 years old so she has an uncle who's 5.
Howard and Robin both ragged on Maury for what his TV show has turned into. Robin said that it's always young kids who have problems who are featured on the show. They've had fat babies and 14 year old girls who have had babies and stuff like that. Howard asked him why he would let his audience ridicule kids like they do on his show. Maury didn't see it that way. He said they don't get ridiculed on the show. He's just trying to point out the problems in our society. He told Howard he'd never let his own 5 year old on any TV show because that's not the kind of parent he is.
Maury says he's got a contract that will carry him through until he's 66 years old. He said he's enjoying the show and it's getting great ratings. He even beats Jerry Springer sometimes.
Howard spent a little time talking about Maury and Connie's adopted kid. Howard was under the impression the kid was half asian and wondered how they managed to work that out. Maury said the kid is not half asian, he's all american. He also said it's kind of strange having an adopted kid because you have no idea what he'll look like when he gets older. He said he looks at the kid every day and he changes all the time.
Howard took some phone calls and talked a little bit about Geraldo Rivera before the end of the interview. Maury said he was friends with Geraldo and he had no idea that he'd moved out to Malibu and away from his kids. Howard told him that he's also living with a new woman out there which Maury didn't know.
Phone callers goofed on Maury a little bit. One guy asked Maury if Connie's pubic hair is straight. Maury didn't want to discuss that though. He told the guy to get his own asian chick to find out.
Dominic Barbara also called in to talk about the age dispute they had earlier. Dominic pointed out it was Robin to had the wrong information. He knew that Maury was older because he's friends with him.
Baby Pacino also said that he gets laid even though he's only a few weeks old. Howard questioned that and the baby pointed out that Robin was very young when she got jacked for the first time. Baby Pacino went on to say that when he was born he fell in love with his mother's cans. He finished up wishing Jackie a happy birthday. He also said he was watching what he thought was QVC on TV last night. It turned out to be Jackie selling his CD on Hollywood Squares.
Of course Al Pacino's baby was actually played by comedian Craig Gass. Craig will be appearing at The Comic Strip today and at The Maxx in New Milford, Connecticut on Saturday February 17th. For more info you can e-mail Craig at craiggass@yahoo.com
Howard said that this week's syndicated Saturday night show will feature the Las Vegas trip highlights among other things.
Tom Chiusano has been bugging Howard after the show lately. Howard was complaining about how Tom asks him to do a better job on the live commercials he reads. Howard tried to explain to Tom that it's because he reads the same commercials over and over again and it gets tiring. Howard also complains about Andre who irritates him when he hits the delay button too much. Howard said that the other day when he freaked out over Andre hitting the button on something he shouldn't have, he was right. The lawyers told them that Andre didn't have to hit the button on that part of the show. Andre came in for a minute and spoke to Howard for a minute. Howard said that Andre is a nice guy but he's the object of his hatred quite often. Tom Chiusano also called in from his car and argued with Howard. He was saying that Howard is the center of the problem but Howard says Tom is the problem. They went at it for a minute until Tom had to pay a toll.
Howard noticed that KC had bruises on his arms so he asked where they came from. KC told him that he smashed his answering machine with his fists and bruised himself. KC said that he'd bet on a horse that lost in a race so he smashed the machine. Howard said he's worried about him because he's always so angry. Howard said he told KC he was going to have a talk with him after the show about his gambling problem and his eyes watered up. KC denies that part of the story though. Howard thinks that KC has a gambling problem and he really needs help. Howard said that KC's father used to tell him that if he played basketball he'd get warts on his hands. He thinks that's part of the reason KC pees and craps in his bed.
Howard replayed the Al Pacino's Baby bit that they played at the end of the show yesterday. He also replayed an older bit where the fake Al Pacino called in.
After the Barbra stuff he spent some time goofing on Jackie's appearance on Hollywood Squares last night. Jackie was using jokes written for him by the 'Squares people and they just weren't funny. Howard told him he should have used his own jokes instead. Howard also told him he should have made some jokes about Kermit the Frog who was also on the show. Howard told him he should have joked about how there's some guy under Kermit and stuff like that but Jackie didn't want to hear it. He refused to listen to Howard's ideas.
Chris told Howard about how he and his group of buddies went to see ''Private Parts'' when it came out. They were planning on seeing an awful movie but they ended up enjoying it. Howard said that he just watched Adam Sandler's ''Little Nicky'' the other day. Chris said he didn't want to hear this because he's friend's with Sandler. Howard continued and said that the first 10 minutes were pretty funny but after that the movie just went down hill. Chris refused to bad mouth his buddy though. Howard said he had to turn the movie off because it got so bad.
Howard moved on to talk about Chris' movie. Chris said he's been doing all of the shows to promote the movie. He was on Leno, Letterman and even Oprah. Howard asked him if he's going to do Hollywood Squares. Chris basically said he wouldn't stoop that low at this point in his career. He said there are some shows you do when you're on your way up and there are some you do when you're on your way out. He figures he's on his way up.
Howard brought up the latest Jesse Jackson controversy and how they just found another woman who Jesse was paying for some reason. Chris didn't want to bad mouth that guy either but he did say that he's glad he didn't have his HBO show when the story came out because he probably would have buried the guy.
Howard said he read that there is a lot of pressure on Chris to do well with this new movie. People are saying that it's a ''make or break'' type of movie and he's hoping it does well. Chris said that's partly true. He wrote the movie and he's hoping it really does well. He said he's seen it and it's good. He said he wouldn't be on the show if it wasn't good.
Howard spoke to Chris about hanging out with Jerry Seinfeld and how that's going. Chris said they enjoy each other's company and there's no competition between them because Jerry is so big. He's already done it all.
Howard took a few phone calls and one guy pointed out that Chris had some tooth work done. Chris said he admits to that. Howard also had some tooth work done after ''Private Parts''. He said he actually had some of his lower teeth pulled out to fix the mess that was there. He's never told anyone on the show about that before so Robin was surprised to hear that.
Captain Janks and Big Black both called in and had questions for Chris. Janks asked Chris if he ever saw Danny Glover's penis when he worked with him. Chris said he never saw it. Big Black said he was an extra in ''Down to Earth'' but Chris didn't remember him. Big Black said he was in the Apollo Theater scenes so keep your eyes open to see that rippled bald head of his.
Chris told Howard he doesn't know if his movie will beat ''Hannibal'' and he's hoping it will come in at least second at the box office this weekend.
Howard let the women tell their stories anyway. The red-head told Howard that both of her parents are light-skinned black people but she's got some Scottish and Cherokee Indian in her also. The other two women told stories about having a 1/8th black mix. Their stories were believable so it was hard to tell from just that. It turned out that Howard and Robin were right though. It was the red-headed woman. She told Howard that she loves Howard and she had to figure out a way to get on the show so this is what she did. She also claims that she dated Bryant Gumbel at one time. She wouldn't get into details though.
Gary came in and gave the women all $250 gift certificates good at Buy.com for coming in. The two women who made up their stories were both comedians who will be performing at the New York Comedy Club in the next week or so.
The red-head also had a song parody that she'd sent in a while back when they had the song parody contest. She asked that Howard play it because she thought it was funny. Howard played a short clip of ''Rhinoplasty'' and said the first line was pretty funny but it got dull and boring after that. It was all about Howard's big nose of course.
Margie kept up her side of the story telling Howard the same things she did yesterday. She says she was upset with Sly and that's why she told her story. For some reason Frank kept saying that Margie's story was false but he was also calling her a ''rat'' for going to the paper with the story. Robin pointed out that if you're calling someone a rat, the story must have some truth to it. Howard refused to say if he thinks the story is true or false. He just wanted to say that going to the paper, whether it's true or not, is wrong.
We soon found out that Frank actually dated Margie once. He said he never slept with her because he thought she was a little wacky. He said that she got a little aggressive with him and he decided to send her on her way before anything happened.
Frank had a so-called ''witness'' on the phone with him. Julie, a stripper, said that she has known Margie for a couple of years and she's never mentioned Sly. Margie said that's not true. Margie also said she was a stripper for a little while.
Frank continued to argue with Margie over all of this. He told Howard he spoke to her ex-boyfriend who owns the gym they allegedly had sex in and he thinks that she's a little crazy. He has banned her from going to the gym but she says she wouldn't want to go there anyway.
Stuttering John came in at one point and said that his brother knows nothing of the women he's slept with so how would Frank know about his brother. Frank said he just knows about them because they're very close. John seemed to think that Frank wouldn't know if this was true or not no matter what.
This argument continued for a good half hour or so and nothing was resolved. Howard continued to tell Margie that telling her story was just plain wrong. He also told Margie that couples break up all the time and it's no one's business but their own. She should have kept her mouth shut whether it was true or not. Frank blew off his steam and hopefully it calmed him down.
Howard had tape of Benjy up in Harlem interviewing people about the possibility of President Clinton moving his office up there. The one guy that Howard played was telling Benjy he's worried that when there's more secret service and cops up there it'll mean trouble for him. He told Benjy that the SS and the cops are all gay and that's where the trouble will come from.
Slow Adam called in for the first time in a long time. He was wondering when he'll be allowed on the show again. Howard told him he didn't know because he never calls in anymore. Adam told Howard that he has to be somewhere at 8:30 every day but it's confidential.. for 20 seconds. He told Howard that he's in group therapy for anger management. Adam told Howard that he wants to play Win Fred's Money or something like that. Howard said a better idea would be Adam vs. KC. That might work. Howard told Adam that if he beats KC there's no way anyone could call him a retard.
Adam also wants to get laid but Howard doesn't want to help him out with that. He told Adam that he has to get that done on his own. High Pitch Erik called in and said he liked Adam and that he's a good man. Adam didn't really want to talk to him though. Howard told Adam that he'd have him on the show sometime soon and ended the call.
Howard asked Gervase if he thinks the pig on last night's show was planted there. Gervase said you never know. He said those people looked pretty hungry so maybe they did plant the pig there.
Howard wondered how life is after ''Survivor'' for Gervase. Gervase said that his life is now all show business. He's still appearing on the Stern show and he shot a commercial for Sunkist soda which will air during the last episode of the new ''Survivor''. Howard also asked Gervase if he's getting laid more now. Gervase is still with the woman he was with while he was on the island. He's got a couple of kids with her and he's staying with her.
Howard asked Gervase what he thinks of the chick Stacy who's suing the show because she thinks she was voted off prematurely on the first season. Gervase said he doesn't know anything about it. He said it's between her and the producer of the show.
Howard wrapped up the interview after a short time and let Gervase plug his web site Gervase.net where you can win a trip to hang out with him to watch the final episode of the new ''Survivor''.
Howard was talking about his own tattoo after a caller asked him if he took care of that ugly thing on his arm. Howard had his birth sign, which looked like a ''76'', covered up with a dragon. He now thinks that it looks kind of odd because the head is too small and the body is too big. Cabbie and Robin told him it looks fine though.
Howard took a call from Jesse Jackson, actually an impersonator, who wanted to talk about his woman problems. Jesse told Howard that he would like to smother the second mother who came out with information about him. Jesse, who was rhyming everything, also said that he is the mother of many famous babies. He's the mother of the Al Pacino babies, the Olsen twins, Jimi Hendrix, Tito Jackson, Iman, Lenny Kravitz and even our President, George W. Bush. Jesse told Howard that he couldn't have gotten that second woman pregnant because he was so tired from pumping all of those other women.
After the Jesse call Howard spent tome more time with Cabbie. Cabbie had some problems with getting his prize from the day he let the guy eat ice cream out of his ass. He was supposed to get a watch from Steven Singer Jewelers in Philly. He complained that Singer didn't call him back after he called them to find out when he'd get his prize. It turns out that he was bugging them so much that they didn't bother calling him. Steven Singer himself called in to tell Howard what happened. Steven says that Cabbie called them about 5 times the day he won the prize. They couldn't give him an answer because they hadn't gotten the fax from the show yet. He called them the next day, Valentine's Day, which is their busiest day of the year and bugged them even more. Steven says they were even willing to get Cabbie a watch worth twice the amount he was supposed to get. Cabbie was arguing that he didn't bug them that much though. Steven said he called 5 times the first day but it was actually only 3 times. Cabbie will get his watch eventually. Howard ended up replaying the song parody about Cabbie where they sing ''Wah, wah wah wah wah wah somebody please help me'' over and over again while Cabbie was complaining.
Howard then told Mr. Methane that he will not only vouch for him, he will talk to his agent about producing the show. He thinks that people from around the world would go to see Mr. Methane perform on Broadway and he wants to be part of the phenomenon. Mr. Methane says that his show lasts about 50-55 minutes and you can get a preview of it by buying his tape over at FartVideo.com. Mr. Methane did his version of ''Da Doo Ron Ron'' for Howard while everyone laughed. After Robin heard that she said that they could get the original artists to perform their songs with Mr. Methane in his show. Howard told Mr. Methane that he will talk to his agent about the whole thing and get back to him. As Mr. Methane was leaving he told Howard ''Remember Howard, always wipe thoroughly!''
You can download Mr. Methane's version of ''In the Air Tonight'' at Farts.com
John told Howard that he does a side show thing in which he does some strange things including the popcorn out of the eye thing. Howard had him do that popcorn thing and gave us a run down on what was going on. You could hear him snort it up his nose. Then Howard said he used his hand to guide the kernel up into his eye duct. When it popped out into his eye everyone let out a ''Oh!'' and freaked out.
John said he also drives nails into his nasal cavity and has audience members pull it out with pliers. He also eats light bulbs. He came prepared to do the light bulb thing so Howard let him do it. He bit the metal part off the bulb and you could hear it pop. He then spent a few minutes chewing up the glass and swallowing it. There was blood coming out of his mouth of course. He washed it down with Windex. Howard found it very disturbing. Crazy Cabbie was loving it. He said he's got a new hero now.
John claims that he reads a lot of medical books and he knows what he's eating won't kill him. He told Howard that he'll drink something after the show to coat the glass so it comes out the other end smoothly.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for the guy. One caller asked if this will be on E! or not. Of course it will. Howard said he's not sure if it should be on E! or the Food Network though.
Speech impediment Michele has her genitals pierced and she hangs stuff from the piercing's. She gave everyone a quick show when she hung a metal stapler from there. Once again everyone let out a gasp.
John will be opening up for the band that Michele and Jessica are in at The Chance Theater in March. You can find out more info at any one of the following sites:
Howard had a lot of notes about Shaggy so he asked him about a bunch of stuff. He read that Shaggy thinks that he's a great lover but he never performs oral on women. Robin said that black guys always claim that they don't but the actually do. He swears that he doesn't though. Howard also read that Shaggy served in the military during the Gulf War. He said that he may have killed some people but he didn't actually see it happen. Cabbie, who was still hanging out, was also in the Gulf and he says he got sick from all of the stuff the military made him take. Shaggy said he never took anything that was given to him so he's not sick.
Shaggy told one story about when he was in training in Oklahoma. He said some guy picked a fight with him while he was ironing. He ended up hitting the guy in the face with the hot iron and took some skin off the guys face.
Howard's notes also said that Shaggy's not into ugly chicks. Who is? He said that ugly chicks need loving, just not by him.
Shaggy pointed out that he has two hit songs on the charts right now. ''It Wasn't Me'' is the number three and ''Angel'' is working it's way up.
Howard took a phone call from Gay Ramone who asked Shaggy if he's ever had a gay experience. Shaggy said ''absolutely not'' to that one.
After a couple of other calls Howard had Shaggy and his partner Rick Rock perform ''I Didn't Do It''. After the song Howard told them it was infectious to watch them perform the song live. He enjoyed it. The song is available on Shaggy's album ''Hotshot''
Today's guest player in the game was Ruby the hooker. Ruby somehow got into the station and wanted to meet Howard so he let her come in. Howard questioned her for a while about her life of prostitution. She told him that she once took as little as $4 to give oral sex to a guy. She also said someone paid her $2000 for sex. Howard asked her if she ever gets tested for disease. She said she does but she'd rather not say what she has. Mike Walker asked her if she ever had any celebrity clients. Ruby was silent thinking for a minute before she said she thinks she did but she can't remember. She said she got high with a celebrity whose first name was Steve. That's as much info as she'd give though.
Benjy came in and asked Ruby if he could tell Howard what disease she has. She was hesitant but we soon learned that she has AIDS. She still has sex with her customers though. She told Howard that she tries to warn her customers and some of them just don't care so they refuse to use condoms.
Ruby also said she contracted the disease from sharing needles with other drug users. She said she still uses Crack.. a lot of crack. She estimates that she uses $60-80 a day.
Ruby somehow scraped up her knees and ruined her nylons but she doesn't have enough money to buy new ones. She said she tripped and tore them while looking in a window or something like that.
Howard said that this is the first time they've played the game with a ''crack ho''. Ruby didn't seem to find that offensive because that's exactly what she is. When Howard asked her about where she lives she broke down and started to cry. She said she didn't want to go there. She also told Howard that she has decided to ''quit AIDS'' and she doesn't have it anymore. So she's in denial. She said the AIDS thing actually saved her life because it got her some housing. Yikes!
Howard moved on to the game so here's how it goes.. Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. You can win money there also. Here are this week's stories:
