For The Week Of 8/14/2000 to 8/18/2000

• Various Stuff. 8/14/00. 6:05am
  This Friday is the next ''Battle of the Bands'' with Tim Russ. Howard said he and The Losers have to get their act together pretty quick. They haven't even picked a song yet.

  A caller going by the name Nazareen made a threat to kill Senator Leiberman on the air with Howard. Howard told the guy that it's a bad idea to do that because the Secret Service will find out about it and come after him. He said that happened recently with the guy claiming to be killing animals in his neighborhood to get the affection of young kids. Howard said that guy turned out to be a fake and he was crying when the S.S. came after him. He gave Nazareen a chance to take back what he'd said but he continued to act like an idiot. Later in the show Gary came in and said that the S.S. called about 11 minutes after the guy got off the phone. They're coming down to get a tape of his call so they can track him down.

  Howard spent a little while talking about the song parody contest they're having. Last week he announced the rules to the contest. He repeated the rules and played some more examples of the songs today. He also had a new one that he made up about Rudy from ''Survivor'' that was pretty funny.

  Howard said that he spent some time hanging out with Jackie and Stuttering John over the weekend. They went out to Dominic Barbara's house in the Hamptons and drank 2 and a half cases of beer as well as a bunch of other alcoholic drinks. Howard said that John and Jackie can drink a lot of alcohol and it doesn't affect them. Howard's friend Matt from the New York Rangers was there also. Matt thought that Jackie and John were lightweights and that he could out drink them but the next morning he couldn't walk.

  Howard said that they went to a restaurant one night and they saw the producer Gellman from Regis Philbin's show. They were thinking of sending a drink over to the guy but they decided against it. Howard didn't want to embarrass the guy or himself. Then a short time later the waitress came over to his table and says ''Mr. Gellman wants to buy you a drink.'' Howard then turned around and yells over to Gellman that it wasn't necessary and that he was going to buy him a drink. Gellman and his whole group of people looked at him like he was nuts. Howard said he saw Gellman mouth the words ''I didn't offer to buy him a drink'' to one of his friends. Howard then realized that Gellman didn't offer to buy him a drink. It turns out that Jackie told the waitress to tell him that so Howard would look like an idiot. Howard said he just laughed his ass off. He spoke to Gellman later and told him how he'd been set up. He said that Gellman told him that he's a big fan of his.

  Howard said that Stuttering John has gotten really fat. He said they were playing pool over at Dominic's house and John's stomach was hanging over the table. He also said that at one point John told Scott Einziger that he's one of those ''fat skinny guys''. Howard said that John's got nerve saying that when he's a fat ass himself.

  Last Thursday Colleen from ''Survivor'' called in and spoke to Howard for a while. That night Ralph came over to do some ''work'' for Howard. Ralph was telling Howard how he'd love to find a girl like Colleen because he wants to have a normal girlfriend or something like that. Ralph said she was probably doing Letterman that night so Howard told him he was going to do him a favor. Howard called Vinnie at CBS and asked him if Colleen was over there doing Letterman. Vinnie told him she was there and hooked him up with her. Howard told Colleen how good she was on the show and how cute she was. Then he told her that he wanted to have her talk to Ralph. He gave the phone to Ralph and let him talk to her alone for a while. She was really busy so she had to take his number and call him back. Ralph said that she was going to call him back later that night. After this all happened people were asking Howard if he was nuts for doing this to such a nice girl. Ralph has done some nasty chicks in the past and people are wondering why Howard would try to hook him up with this nice, sweet 23 year old. Ralph is still waiting for her to call him back.

  Howard was talking about how Cindy Margolis will be on the show later this week. He still doesn't believe that she's the ''most downloaded woman'' on the internet like she claims. While he was talking about that he said that Gary made a phony phone call to her. Gary goofed on her by asking her if she'd be willing to do some really wacky things on the show. During the call he asked her if she'd do things like:

  • Kiss a virgin listener - Kiss on the cheek, Yes
  • Have lunch with a rich guy who will give $10,000 to a charity - Yes
  • Put her hand in a jar of mosquitoes - No
  • Let Howard give her a full body massage during the interview - Yes
  • Chew food then spit it on a plate so a listener can eat it - Yes
  • Judge a Queef contest - No
  • Take her temperature with a rectal thermometer and let everyone guess her temperature - No
  • Put a hot dog in her vagina then let a listener eat it - No
  • Sleep, just sleep, with Howard during the show - Yes
  • Race a smart dog in a maze - No
  • Stomp a mouse to death - No
  Gary kept telling her that they wanted to have a great show like the last one she was on with her friend Elisa where they ended up stripping down to bra and panties while wetting each other down. Cindy was willing to do quite a few of the wacky things. Howard said he's convinced that it will be a great show. He's ready to sleep with her.

• Howard's Weight Problems. 8/14/00. 8:20am
  Howard was talking about how he and The Losers have to prepare for the upcoming Battle of the Bands later this week. He'd gotten a press photo of Tim Russ and his band so he was goofing on how bad they looked. He then started talking about how bad he looks even though he works out 4 days a week. He says he still has a ''spare tire'' gut even though he runs 4-6 miles almost every day. He also complained about how skinny his arms are and how he can't get them any bigger. Everyone came in to advise Howard on his diet and his workout. Gary told him he doesn't look that bad but he doesn't look as good as you'd think he would working out as much as he does. Howard said he looks worse now than he did for the cover of his ''Private Parts'' book. He still swears that was him on the cover of the book. He says that his belly is ''loose'' even though he does sit-ups and all of this other working out. Even Stuttering John came in to tell him that his diet was no good. Howard gave his daily run down for his food intake Here's what he eats every day:
  • Morning - Egg whites, 1 slice of whole wheat bread with tomato
  • Snack - Yogurt with 15 raisins
  • Lunch - 1 dry baked potato, turkey, salad with a teaspoon of oil
  He then goes to work out and does his 5 mile run. He lifts weights after his run. Then around 3 pm he has 15 cashews and 2 glasses of tomato juice to hold him over until dinner. He will also have a soy milk, frozen banana, blueberry milk shake. For dinner he has salad, 1 cup of brown rice and 2 small cans of tuna. He said he doesn't eat any ice cream or anything like that. Stuttering John told him he's eating too many carbohydrates. Howard told him he's nuts because all of the portions are so small. KC, who's pretty muscular, came in and told Howard to cut out the ''running crap'' and work more on his weight lifting. Howard said he's listened to many nutritionists and personally trainers and none of the workouts or diets work for him.

  Howard took a few phone calls from people who had advice for him but it was all stuff he's heard before. One woman told him he wasn't drinking enough water. He said he drinks 5-7 16 oz. bottles of water every day. That's plenty he says. Howard eventually got tired of hearing all of the advice from everyone and moved on to other things.

• Gary Garver Interviews. 8/14/00. 8:50am
  Howard had tape of L.A. correspondent Gary Garver interviewing a couple of old TV stars at some convention out there. Gary got a quick one with Alan Young who played Wilbur on ''Mr. Ed''. Gary asked Mr. Young ''Do you think George W. Bush is qualified to be President?'' Young told Gary not to ask him questions like that. It was too personal. Then Gary asked him ''How many times have you been married?'' That pissed Young off so he told Gary to ''Get away from me you...'' Gary thought he heard him say something like ''annoying bastard'' but the guy denied saying that. He just told Gary that the questions were rude and that he wasn't going to answer them. He said that politics just weren't his thing and said ''Please, just get away.''

  Gary also got a quick interview with Paul Peterson who starred on the ''Donna Reed'' show. Paul is also a big defender of child stars. Gary broke Paul in with ''Who are you?'' and ''What made you famous?'' Paul wasn't too happy with those but after Gary asked him how many times he's been married and if he'd ever get married again he asked Gary where he was from. Gary told him he was doing the interview for Howard. Paul then told Gary to ask Howard how many child stars he's had on his show lately. Gary asked him one more question about who he'd sleep with, Ellen Degeneres or Whoopi Goldberg. Paul said ''I've had enough of you.. Turn it off..''

  Finally Howard played one question from a Billy Gray interview that Gary did. Howard said the interview was really long so they just took the one question. Gary asked him ''Why are there so many Jews in the music business?'' Gray went on to say that there are so many because ''..they're overachievers..'' He continued on to say that you could ask why there are so many Jews in every other stereotypical job that they do and ''..where does it stop?'' Howard thought it was pretty funny to hear him saying that.

• Various Stuff. 8/15/00. 6:05am
  Howard was bragging about running 6 miles in 51 minutes yesterday. He told Robin that he was hoping that running would tighten up his ass but that doesn't happen. ''It's only for cardio..'' Robin told Howard.

  Howard said he was up late last night watching Cher on the Larry King show. He said that she hasn't aged very well but she doesn't really look that old because her skin has been pulled so tight. He wondered if he'd do her if he had the chance. Robin said he would do her just because she's Cher.

  The song parody contest is in full swing and Howard has received a bunch of entries. He said most, if not all, of them are really bad. He played a little bit of one that wasn't that bad. It was about Tom Chiusano and the singer calls Tom a ''cheap Jew'' even though he's not Jewish. Howard thought it was pretty funny though. Howard said that the official rules can now be found on KRockRadio.com.

  Howard ran across Monday Night Football last night while he was looking for ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire''. He said that Dennis Miller was worse than ever as an announcer. He played a few clips of Miller making references that hardly anyone could understand. They had to analyze each one for a couple of minutes to understand what the hell he was talking about. One of Howard's interns had written a letter about Miller saying that he didn't know he needed an encyclopedia and a masters degree to watch a football game. Stuttering John said that he's thinking of turning down the TV audio and turning on a radio broadcast of the game so he wouldn't have to listen to Miller's dopey comments.

  Jackie was out at a Willie Nelson concert last night. He was out until midnight and his voice was shot this morning. Jackie said he smoked some weed with Willie on his infamous bus. Jackie said it was some pretty potent stuff.

• Erik Estrada Calls In. 8/15/00. 7:30am
  Actor Erik Estrada called in this morning to promote tonight's episode of ''Son of the Beach''. Erik stars as Senor Wences from the country Humidor on the Howard Stern produced show. Howard reminded everyone that he'd met Erik on an airline flight one time and had to sit and listen to the guy complain about a bunch of stuff. He said Erik is a really nice guy though. Howard explained what Erik does on tonight's ''Son of the Beach'' and how funny it is. He also spent a couple of minutes talking to Erik about his kids, wife and girlfriends. Howard met Erik's girlfriend on the flight they were on together. He said she was really hot. Since then she and Erik have produced a child together. Howard also brought up Erik's divorce and how his wife tried to sue him for $1.7 million. Erik said she only got about $100,000. She claimed that he sexually assaulted her and made her perform homosexual acts as well as black magic. Erik said that people will say anything to get money out of you.

  Howard also asked about his financial situation. Erik had some problems after his divorce but he got work down in Mexico on TV show and made some money down there. Now he's got a couple of TV shows going on up here. He's working on ''American Adventurer'' where he travels around the world and he's also going to be the voice of some cartoon in the near future. Erik told Howard he'd be thrilled to come back to do ''Son of the Beach'' again also. He said he had a lot of fun doing it. Before Erik got off the phone Howard said that he heard that Erik carries around a piece of his son's umbilical cord. Erik said that it's actually the piece that dries up and falls off the belly button after a few days. He did keep it but he doesn't carry it around every day. He said it's not preserved in any way, it just kind of petrified itself.

• The Losers Experiment With ''Hurdy Gurdy Man''. 8/15/00. 8:00am
  Howard and his band The Losers will be doing a Battle of the Bands against actor Tim Russ and his band this Friday. Howard has decided to go with Donovan's ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' as their song. This was decided yesterday so Howard had Fred work out some musical arrangements for it. Fred put together a tape to give Howard an idea of what it might sound like. This morning Howard told Robin that he was still working on it so this was just an experiment. He played Fred's arrangement and sang the song pretty well. It actually sounded decent. Howard was singing in a soft, mellow voice which Robin didn't like too much.

  Howard took a couple of phone calls to find out the audience reaction to it. One guy said that he sounded okay but when he performed against Tina Yothers recently he shouldn't have won. A woman called in and told Howard he sounded great. One guy wasn't happy that Howard was going with a Donovan song but everyone on the show thinks that's the one to go with. Gary told Howard that he shouldn't change the song too much because he actually sounded really good.

• UPDATE: Nazareen vs Secret Service. 8/15/00. 8:10am
  Howard gave us an update on yesterday's phone call from a listener calling himself Nazareen. The caller threatened to kill Senator Leiberman during the call. Howard gave him a chance to say that he was kidding but the guy kept taunting Howard. Howard warned him that the Secret Service would come after him if he did something like that but the guy didn't care. Today there was an article in the paper explaining what happened and how the Secret Service is now looking for the guy. They came down yesterday morning and got a tape of the call as well as phone records so that they can trace this guy. The article had quoted something Gary said but slipped in a ''Gary Dell'Abate, AKA Baba Booey'' which Howard thought was kind of strange to have in a serious article.

  A short time after reading the article Gary came in and told Howard that they have Nazareen in custody. They got him 13 hours after he made the call at 6:20am yesterday morning. Howard replayed the phone call to let everyone hear the nutty caller. The Secret Service guy told Gary that it sets an example for people who think they can threaten public figures like that.

• Anthony's ''Preserved'' 14 Year Old Daughter. 8/15/00. 8:25am
  This guy Anthony called in to talk about how he had his 14 year old daughter preserved by a taxidermist after she died on July 10, 1998. Howard said that Anthony lives in California somewhere but he doesn't know exactly where. Anthony, who has an odd, effeminate voice, told Howard that he had to store his daughter in his freezer for close to a year while he tried to find a taxidermist who would perform the work he wanted done. Howard asked the guy why he didn't notify authorities when she died. Anthony said that he'd rather not discuss those details. Anthony said that he thinks that taxidermy of loved ones should be allowed. He thinks that it's barbaric to burn bodies of loved ones.

  Because of this situation Anthony's wife left him. He said that she didn't agree with his decision to keep his daughter in the house. Howard wondered why she hasn't notified the police about this. Anthony said that she doesn't have any proof of what he's done.. other than the dead daughter sitting in her room. Anthony said she's encased in a polyurethane foam which looks very much like real skin. She's propped up in her bed with pillows around her. Anthony said that she watches TV to pass the time.

  Howard had notes on this guy but Anthony kept telling Howard that his notes weren't accurate. Howard read that the guy sleeps with his dead daughter but Anthony said that she's not 18 yet so he doesn't do that. He said that when she turns 18 he's going to have a talk with her. He also said that as she ages he'll bring her to the taxidermist to have her ''enhanced'' for his pleasure. He also claims that he's in touch with his daughter telepathically.

  The daughter had tourette's and a little bit of dwarfism. Anthony claims that she had a ''compassion'' for Hank the Dwarf who she still watches on Howard's E! show. Anthony told Howard that she was home-schooled because of her afflictions.

  Howard also read that Anthony's wife caught him fondling the daughter one time. Anthony claims that he was just adjusting her bed linens and his wife mistook that for fondling. Howard took a couple of phone calls from people who think that this guy is really disturbed. The guy doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he's done. He even said he'd think about bringing her down to Howard's show. He claims that there is no law against what he's done. Howard thinks he's ''..wacked out of his head.''

  Later in the show a guy claiming to be the taxidermist who preserved this girl called in. The guy claims that he knows this guy and what he's done with his daughter. He claims that the guy doesn't live in California, he lives in New Jersey. He even told Howard he knows that the girl weighs 128 pounds. He told Howard how he fills the body with different fluids that either make the body soft or firm and that Anthony made sure he kept the girls breasts and vagina soft. He also claims that he knows that this guy has had sex with the dead girl. Howard said that's only his opinion and that he doesn't know that for a fact. The guy said that he's done this procedure on 3 dead people. The girl was one and the other two were just people who's families wanted to keep their memories alive. Howard said that he'd like to have this guy come down when Anthony comes in with his dead daughter.

• Howard's ''Bitch'' Dominic Barbara Calls In. 8/15/00. 9:10am
  Howard spent last weekend at his buddy Dominic's house out on Long Island with a couple of friends. The bloated attorney called in this morning to tell Howard that someone burned the sheets on one of the beds over the weekend. Howard wanted to know who it was and thinks it could have been either Richie Notar or Matt Schneider. He didn't want to blame either of them because Dominic said there were pieces of a joint on the floor near the burn. He also said that the smell of pot was in the room.

  Dominic told Howard that his wife Irma told him that he should marry Howard because he's basically become his ''bitch''. Dominic told Howard that right after he got home from his trip to Los Angeles yesterday he went out shopping for a wide screen TV to hang on the wall of the bedroom Howard stayed in at the house. Howard had complained about how small the TV was in that room so Dominic decided to do something about it.. because he's Howard's bitch. Howard also suggested that Dominic hang some blinds in the bedroom because it was too bright when he woke up the next morning. He also told him to get a DVD player for the house.

  While Dominic was on the phone he kept plugging this new TV show he's working on for FOX. ''Power of Attorney'' will be on sometime in the near future and Dominic is one of the attorneys. Howard wanted to know of the producers of the show asked that Dominic stay seated during the show because he's so fat. Dominic said that he gets to walk around and that he's lost some weight since Howard last saw him. Howard said that he hasn't seen Dominic in over a year.

• Song Parody Contest Rules.
  Howard is holding a song parody contest that anyone can enter. Howard will give away a total of $20,000 courtesy of Beck's Beer during his MTV Video Music Awards broadcast. 1st prize is $10,000, 2nd prize is $5000 and third and fourth place will split the other $5000. The parodies can be about anything... Howard's nose, Robin's breasts, Gary's teeth, Jackie's 5 houses.. Even something not related to the show. The official rules are posted on KRockRadio.com.

• Various Stuff. 8/16/00. 6:05am
  Howard said that he saw a preview of the movie ''The Cell'' last night and loved it. He told Robin she's got to see it when it comes out. Jennifer Lopez stars in the movie and it's actually good according to Howard. He thinks it's going to be a big hit. He heard that it was the director's first movie and wanted to know if he's directed Nine Inch Nails music videos before because that's what the movie is like. A listener called in and told Howard that the guy has directed 4 of the Nine Inch Nails music videos. Howard was really impressed with the film.

  Howard is looking for some hair gel that has been discontinued. He mentioned Sebastian High Contrast Hair Gel on the show yesterday and explained why this morning. He said that his hair people have been showing him how to use hair gel lately and he found that this Sebastian stuff is the best he's come across but they just discontinued it. He was able to find 7 tubes of it at one store but he wants even more of it. He told Gary to contact the company to see if he can get a case of it before it's all gone.

  Bobo the Extreme Fan called in this morning and asked why the Saturday Night show wasn't on last weekend in the New York area. Howard said it wasn't on because there was a football game on earlier in the evening. He was informed by Vinnie Favale about it so that he wouldn't freak out. Apparently it wasn't canceled like some people were thinking.

  Howard and The Losers rehearsed their version of ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' after the show yesterday. Howard said they rehearsed it about 15 times. He had tape of their best version and it wasn't half bad. Howard used something to warble his voice in the song which was kind of odd but it didn't sound too bad. He said they're not good but they're better than Tim Russ' band. They'll be battling Tim's band this Friday in the second Battle of the Bands. The Losers beat Tina Yothers' band recently.

• New Death Pool Has Begun. 8/16/00. 7:25am
  The new death pool was announced this morning. Howard and the crew are doing this thing where they each give a list of 30 celebrity names. When someone in the pool dies they take their age and subtract it from 100. For example, if Bob Hope is 92 when he dies the person(s) who has him in the pool would receive 8 points. The person who has the most points by Christmas Vacation will win the pool which is up to $9000 at this time. Each list will cost the player $500. Robin has 2 lists so she would be putting in $1000. Only Howard and Robin got their lists out this morning. There are 18 lists so they may not announce them all. Howard gave out his list then Gary gave a couple of the names he has. Robin took over and gave out a bunch of the names she has on her list. Gary managed to mention the names Ben Orr, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Matthew Perry and Robert Downey Jr. before Robin took over. Here are Howard and Robin's lists:
  

  Howard's Death Pool List
  Rupert Murdock	Willie Stargell	Bob Newhart
  Elizabeth Taylor	Morton Downey Jr.	Andy Rooney
  Bob Hope	Ed Koch	Boris Yeltsin
  Ronald Reagan	Gerald Ford	Soupy Sales
  Buddy Ebsen	Pope John Paul	Harry Morgan
  Burgess Meredith - (dead)	Senator Moynahan	Doris Day
  Johnny Carson	Dom Deluise	Milton Berle
  Katharine Hepburn	Peggy Lee	Charles Manson
  Johnny Cash	Ray Walston	Papa John Phillips
  Ted Williams	Gregory Peck	Jim Nabors

  Robin's Death Pool List
  Gene Wilder	Hugh Hefner	Zsa Zsa Gabor
  Ted Williams	David Brinkley	Billy Graham
  Robert Urich	Mike Tyson	Jan-Michael Vincent
  Carlo Ponti	Sandra Dee	Marlon Brando
  Dudley Moore	Joey Bishop	Jane Russell
  Rue McClanahan	Kathie Lee Gifford	Lauren Bacall
  Ed McMahon	Annette Funicello	Strom Thurmond
  Phyllis Diller	Richard Pryor	Glenn Ford
  Lady Bird Johnson	Christopher Reeve	Anthony Quinn
  Dale Evans	Perry Como	Robert Schimmel

• Did Gary Screw Up Again? 8/16/00. 8:00am
  Howard thinks that Gary has screwed up something important again. The other day Howard asked Gary to have some flowers sent to his assistant Laura for her birthday. Howard got a call from Laura telling him that Gary had sent her flowers. The note on the flowers read ''From your biggest admirer, Gary''. As soon as Howard brought this up Gary went nuts and started complaining about Howard blaming him for something that the flower shop screwed up. Gary swears that he told the guy the right thing to put on the card and even had it repeated back to him. At one point Howard told Gary that he was fired.. like he has done many times in the past. They argued about this for about 15 minutes. Gary thinks that Howard always blames him for stuff he doesn't actually do. Howard tried to have Gary repeat after him but he refused. Fred took over and did his best Gary impression and repeated after Howard. He had him repeat the following...''When I send flowers for my Boff, I will try to give my Boff some credit for it. I will learn what a faux paux is. I will put down my cigarettes and chocolate bars and follow up on my work.''

  Howard took a couple of phone calls about the subject. One guy said that they shouldn't fire him because they could use his big lips to raise the sunken Russian submarine.

• Colin The Intern Ripped Off In The Big City. 8/16/00. 8:15am
  Scott the Engineer's intern Colin came in this morning to share his story about getting ripped off this morning. Howard said that this kid is a really nice guy who's from the country. He's from Pottstown, Pennsylvania which is kind of out in the sticks. So he was on his way in to work at around 4:45 this morning when this woman came up to him and said that she was lost. She asked for directions to a bar and Colin told her how to get there. The woman then gave him a big hug and started grinding into him. He kind of pushed her off and she went on her way. What he didn't know was that she'd just stolen his wallet. He had about $50 as well as credit cards and driver's license in there. Howard felt so bad for the guy that he gave him $100 right then. Mike Gange from the E! crew came in and told Howard about how he's had a woman come up to him more than once asking him for money saying that she's just trying to get home. Gary said he's seen a guy dressed as a business man doing a similar thing. Howard said it's time for Mayor Giuliani to get these people off the street but he's being held back from doing stuff like that anymore.

• UPDATE: Nazareen Arrested. 8/16/00. 8:20am
  On Monday this guy calling himself Nazareen called in and threatened to kill Senator Leiberman. Howard warned the guy over and over that the Secret Service would track him down and arrest him if he didn't take back what he'd said. The guy didn't listen and the guy was arrested a short time later. Today Howard read an article about how the guy was tracked down and arrested at his parent's home. The article gave his name as Lawrence Franco. He worked at Newsday as a collator. His court appointed lawyer blamed the ''climate of the Howard Stern Show'' for his client's problem. He said that his client didn't mean what he said and basically blamed Howard's show for the whole thing. Howard was the one telling the guy to take it back. Lawrence just kept taunting Howard so he doesn't feel bad at all that the guy was arrested. Authorities found a pellet gun in his room and now he has to go under a psychiatric evaluation. He was released on a $200,000 bond. Way to go Lawrence!

• Demi Meets Howard. 8/16/00. 8:35am
  This 21 year old woman by the name of Demi called in recently begging to go on a date with Howard. She came down this morning only to be let down by him. Howard said that Demi is pretty cute but he can't date her. She's too young and he's too busy. Howard said that she has a pretty small chest too. She said it's an A-cup.. or less. She didn't even have to wear a bra because they're so small. She also has an annoying Boston accent that Howard didn't like. Gary asked him how long he'd be able to put up with it. Howard said ''One second.'' Demi's friend Janice also came in. Howard said that she had a really big chest which turned out to be a C-cup. She was also pretty cute. He told both of them that he can't date them.

  KC came in and tried to get them to take some clothes off but they resisted the whole time. Gary offered them money and prizes but they refused. Howard told Demi that all he wanted was sex from her. He didn't want to go on a date. Demi told him that he'd only get sex on the honeymoon. Howard eventually had to move on so he let the girls go.

• Elliott Offen The Thong Runner Returns. 8/16/00. 9:05am
  A couple of weeks ago this guy Elliott Offen came in to promote his ''Optimum Health'' manuscript. He's known for running around the streets of New York in women's clothing. Today he was wearing a woman's thong bottom, panty hose and a tank top. Everyone was laughing hysterically when he came in. He wanted to thank Howard for letting him on the last time because a lot of people ordered his manuscript. He also wanted to correct something he'd claimed when he was on last. He'd said that the last time he had sex was 1988 but it turns out he meant to say 1998. He had a marriage license that proved it was 1998 when he was last married. Howard asked him if he actually consummated his marriage. Elliott said that he did and he also had ''funky, kinky sex'' with his wife. He once again rambled on and on about his manuscript and how healthy he is. He claims that he can run 16-18 miles a day but Howard said he's kind of flabby.

  Howard took some phone calls for Elliott and most of them went off on him telling him how nutty he is. Elliott yells right back at them using rhyming words to describe them. It's something that's hard to describe here. You have to hear it to appreciate how nutty he sounds. One caller said that when he runs around his testicle hangs out of the thong. People see him running past restaurants in the city and it drives them nuts.

  Howard was trying to end the segment but Elliott kept rambling on and on about everything. Howard and Robin both wanted to know what Elliott eats so that kept him in for another 10 minutes. He told Howard that for lunch he'll have 1 cup of brown rice, bock choy, snow peas and broccoli. That got Howard interested so he asked him about the rest of his diet. Elliott rambled on and on about all of the veggies that he eats and how he doesn't add any chemicals to his food because it will lead to colon cancer. The only thing he adds to his food is salt and pepper. As Elliott waddled out of the studio Robin said ''That walk just kills me..''

  You can purchase Elliott's 39 page manuscript called ''Optimum Health'' by sending $10 plus $3 postage and handling to:
  Elliott Offen
  72-11 Austin St.
  Suite 281
  Forrest Hills, NY 11375
  

• Various Stuff. 8/17/00. 6:05am
  Howard and Robin spent quite a bit of time talking about last night's ''Survivor'' show first thing this morning. They were talking about how dumb Rudy was while he was trying to answer questions in the Immunity Challenge segment. Howard also said that Sean, who got kicked off the island last night, was coming on the show later this morning.

  Somehow Howard got on the subject of what he can wear on the show because the E! guys have told him that he can't wear white. He ended up having a discussion with Scott DePace about it. Howard thinks it's an old TV rule that doesn't apply to today's TV cameras. Scott says that it's tough to balance the color when someone is wearing white. Howard also announced that Scott DePace's wife is pregnant so Scott's going to be a father. Gary said he welcomed Scott to the club yesterday when he heard the news. Gary let Scott know what it's going to be like after the kid is around for a while. Gary said that he yelled at his kids the other day like he's never yelled before. He just got fed up with his kids screaming while he was on the phone and he yelled at them. Howard also told Scott how his life is going to change like he can't imagine.

  Crazy Cabbie called in this morning to tell Howard that he's going to New Zealand. Howard thought that he was part of the new ''Survivor'' or something. Cabbie says that he's going to be on some show called ''Cleopatra 2525'' so he's going down there to film it. He also let Howard know that he's taking Rebecca, the chick he broke up with on the show, down there with him. Howard just grunted when he heard that news. Cabbie claims that he hasn't had a drink in 13 days or so. He recently fell off the wagon and everyone was worried about him.. Okay, not everyone was worried.

  Mark Protosevich, the writer of the new movie ''The Cell'', called in to talk to Howard for a short time. Yesterday Howard was talking about how cool the movie was after he'd seen a preview copy of it. Ralph had called in and given Howard some misinformation about the director's credits so Mark wanted to straighten it out. He said that director Tarsem Singh didn't direct any Nine Inch Nails videos. He did direct a couple of videos but not the four that Ralph was talking about. He said that Singh is big in the commercial directing though. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Mark about the movie and working with Jennifer Lopez. Mark said that Jennifer's boyfriend at the time, Sean ''Puffy'' Combs, was around on the set a little bit from what he remembers. Howard said that she did a good job in the movie as well as Vincent D'Onofrio who plays the villain in the movie.

• Where's Wesley Snipes? 8/17/00. 7:25am
  Howard was saying that Wesley Snipes was going to stop by the show this morning but Gary came in with some bad news. He told Howard that Wesley's assistant called him earlier this morning and said that Wesley disappeared with a buxom blonde last night while he was at a party and she hasn't seen him since. Because of that she wasn't sure if she'd be able to get him on the show today. Shortly after Gary talked about that a listener called in and said that Wesley was on another radio station as they spoke. Gary said he'd have to check out that claim because people like to try and piss them off.

• Porn Star Candy Apples Comes In. 8/17/00. 7:30am
  Porn star Candy Apples came in to promote a web site that she's featured on. Candy has had sex with the world's largest dildo and you can see it on PassionIsland.com. Candy told Howard that she recently did a gang bang where she had sex with 742 guys. She said the shoot was broken up by cops because of a permit problem though. She said that some other porn star was going to try to do a 2000 guy gang bang but she's not sure if it went all the way through. Candy had her two and a half foot long dildo with her so Howard wanted to know if she was going to demonstrate how she did it. She said she wasn't really prepared to do it. She said she could do it with another one if he wanted her to but Howard passed on it. She said the dildo weighs about 45 pounds but Howard has a scale in the studio that showed 27 pounds. Candy also has a pocket porno book that's available on PalmerXXX.com. Before she left Howard asked to see her huge breasts. She didn't have a problem with that so she flopped out the big, fake D-cup's for him.

• More Death Pool Stuff. 8/17/00. 7:45am
  Howard went through some of the names that are showing up on everyone's Death Pool picks. He read some of Fred's names as well as Jackie's. He also mentioned a few names from other lists but he went through them very quickly and didn't give out the full lists. I'll try to get my hands on some of the lists but for now all I have are Howard and Robin's lists. You can see them on my Death Pool page. If the lists become available I'll be sure to post them there.

• More Stuff Before Rehearsal. 8/17/00. 8:20am
  Howard went over a few things before he and The Losers got to their rehearsal for tomorrow's Battle of the Bands. He mentioned an article that was written about Joe Lieberman by some paper called the Amsterdam News. In the article it said that black's shouldn't vote for Leiberman because he's Jewish and a couple of other things. Howard said that Robin told him that the guy who wrote the article is married to a Jewish woman himself. He thought that was kind of strange.

  Howard had tape of Craig Kilborn apologizing for something that was done on his show recently. Howard didn't understand how Kilborn could claim that the bit he was apologizing for was something that ''slipped through the cracks'' on the show. The bit was a caption under George W. Bush that said ''Snipers Wanted'' while he was giving a speech. Kilborn said that his show is ''almost live'' and that things sometimes slip through the cracks. He offered an apology to Bush and let his audience know that he was sorry for the whole thing.

  Howard had a copy of the ''Survivor Soundtrack'' album that's coming out soon. It has the background music that was played on the show as well as the theme song from the CBS TV show. Howard played a little bit of it and it inspired him to start doing his Rudy impression.

• The Losers Rehearse ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' Live. 8/17/00. 8:30am
  Howard and The Losers did a quick live rehearsal of their song ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' for tomorrow's Battle of the Bands against actor Tim Russ' band. Fred was on lead guitar while Jackie was on rhythm guitar. Stuttering John was on bass and Scott the Engineer, who was the inspiration for the band, was on drums. Howard was singing. They pulled it off pretty well. Even Robin was surprised that it sounded as good as it did. She said it was just right and that Tim Russ should just stay home tomorrow. Howard took a couple of phone calls and quite a few of them were impressed with the performance. Of course there are some people who think The Losers just suck no matter what they sing.

• Carnie Wilson Comes In 140 Pounds Lighter. 8/17/00. 8:40am
  Singer Carnie Wilson came in this morning to show off her new, lighter body. Howard was anxious to see what she looked like now that she's lost 140 pounds after having her stomach stapled. Carnie came in and everyone said she looks like a new person. Howard congratulated her on her amazing weight loss but told her she still needs to lose about 40 pounds. He also said that she probably has skin hanging all over because she was 300 pounds at one point. Carnie said she's been lucky and she doesn't have all that much extra skin. She's not completely toned but she doesn't think she looks all that bad. She said she now weighs about 157 pounds or so and fits in a size 10. She thinks she needs to lose another 25 pounds and she'll look great. She told Howard that after she loses that she'll consider plastic surgery to get rid of the flabby skin. She showed Howard a picture that she carries around of herself when she was at 300 pounds. Howard said he forgot how fat she really was. She said that everyone says the same thing.

  Carnie was wearing jeans and heels but Howard told her she still dresses like a fat chick. She yelled at him for that and said that she can wear short skirts now. Howard suggested that she work out more to tone herself up. She said she's been working out on a treadmill and just got the Tae-Bo workout tapes. Carnie told Howard that she had an english muffin and an egg for breakfast. Howard thought that was enough to feed 4 people but she said it was only half of an english muffin. Howard was still amazed that she eats that much.

  Howard heard that Carnie's sex drive is better than ever also. She said she and her husband Rob do it quite often. Howard told her that she's going to be really hot when she's thinned down even more. He told her that her face has always been pretty but now she's looking really good.

  Carnie told Howard that her band Wilson Phillips is going to get back together and they even have a Greatest Hits album out.. even though they only put out 2 albums. She said there's some new stuff on it though. She also promoted the web site ADoctorInYourHouse.com where she gives updates on her progress every 2 weeks.

  Howard wanted to know if when Carnie was fat if she was unable to see her vagina when she showered. She said that she couldn't see it but now she can. She said she was always clean though and now waxes her pubic area. She can even sing better now that she's got less fat pushing on her diaphragm. Howard also asked her if she was able to use a normal toilet when she was fat. Carnie said that was a ridiculous question and of course she was able to use a normal one.

  Carnie told Howard that she's working on a book about her weight loss for Judith Regan. Howard said that if she's got naked pictures of herself when she was fat she should put them in the book. Carnie said that she has taken pictures of herself through this process and they're pretty scary. It sounds like she might be thinking about putting the pictures in the book. Howard took a couple of phone calls and wrapped things up with Carnie. He repeated his suggestions about working out to her. He also suggested that she not get pregnant for at least 5 years. She was talking 2 years or so but Howard said that would make her fat again.

• ''Survivor'' Sean Comes In. 8/17/00. 9:25am
  Sean Kenniff, the guy who was voted off the island on last night's ''Survivor'', came in to talk to Howard for a little while. Sean told Howard that he's been a big fan of his for quite a while. He said he's been listening since the WNBC days. He and the host of the show, Jeff Probst, used to share stories about Howard while they were on the island. Howard brought up how funny Rudy is on the show. Sean said that he's a 72 year old guy so the challenges weren't very easy for the guy. He said he also heard some of the gay references he was making about Richard.

  Sean told Howard how their trip to the weekly tribal council was a one and a half hour walk through a 106 degree jungle that was really tough. He said there were huge hills to climb in the middle of the night and it wasn't easy. He's a doctor from Long Island and he wasn't used to that kind of stuff. Howard asked him why he didn't do something for Colleen when she had big open sores on her legs. He said there wasn't that much to do for her. The sores may have been related to her diet and the fact that she wasn't taking her vitamins. Besides, he's a Neurologist and open sores on someone's legs aren't his specialty.

  Howard heard that Sean is a playboy who gets to bang a lot of hot chicks. He had an ex-girlfriend with him that was really hot. He claims that he never had sex with Jenna on the island but he is good friends with her. He told Howard that his sex drive dried up while he was on the island. He told him that he didn't even get morning wood while he was there. Sean said that the only one who's sex drive didn't seem to dry up was Richard the gay guy.

  Howard asked Sean why he used the strange alphabetical voting strategy on the island. Sean said it wasn't that bad because it helped him last on the island longer than he may have otherwise. His vote would give others a clue as to who to vote for. He doesn't think it was that dumb of an idea. He also said that his decision to take Richard on the yacht the one night was another strategy he had to keep himself on the island.

  Howard wanted to know what they used as toilet paper while on the island. Sean said that they used leaves when they really needed to but he didn't go all that much. He said he had only 3 or 4 movements total in the time he was on.

  Howard was also curious about the claim they made on last night's show about how one of the torches would go out on it's own when they'd vote someone off. Sean said he didn't see anyone blowing out the torch but he's not into that superstition thing so he's not sure about it.

  Sean told Howard that he's been getting a lot of fan mail from women. He said he gets naked pictures and offers from a lot of women. He says he won't act on it but he hasn't thrown out the letters either. Howard told him that he'd bang them in alphabetical order.

  Sean told Howard how he quit his job shortly before finding out about the whole ''Survivor'' thing. He was disillusioned with the job he had so he quit. A few days later he saw an ad in Time magazine for the ''Survivor'' search and he applied. He ended up being one of the final 800 entries and eventually made it in as one of the 16 picked to survive. He said that when he got off the island he only weighed 152 pounds. He said he weighed 158 when he was in 8th grade. He's now back up to 180 pounds. Howard also had Sean's ex-girlfriend Christina come in to the studio. She was really good looking according to Gary. Howard spent a couple more minutes with the two of them and finally wrapped things up.

• Howard's ''Perfect Girl'' Comes In. 8/17/00. 10:45am
  Late in the show yesterday this woman called in claiming that she was the perfect girl for Howard. She claimed that she was better looking than Courtney Cox. Howard was curious so he had her set to come in first thing this morning. She didn't show up when she was supposed to and ended up calling in around 10:15. She told Howard that her boyfriend sabotaged her alarm clock and that's why she was late. Howard told her to get in a cab and come right down. She showed up and Gary came in to witness the meeting. As she walked in Gary said ''You can't claim perfection if you don't own it.'' Howard made some reference to her look by asking ''Why the long face?'' He said that Gary looks more like Courtney Cox than she does. He told her she's not his type at all and she's crazy thinking she looks better than Courtney. He said she looks more like David Arquette than Courtney. She'd also claimed that she dated a famous skier at one time and Howard didn't believe that either. She swore that she did though. Her voice was really annoying to Howard although after seeing what she looks like her voice wasn't as annoying. It was more attractive than she was. Howard only spent a couple of minutes with her before kicking her out. She did manage to come back in for a kiss though. She somehow got him on the lips and then stuck her finger in his salad. That ruined his lunch and he wasn't too happy that she did that.

• Various Stuff. 8/18/00. 6:05am
  Howard was pissed off first thing this morning. All of the settings for his instruments were screwed up. He and The Losers are competing in a Battle of the Bands against actor Tim Russ' band. Howard said that they're sharing amps so the settings were changed. They were rehearsing before the show and they didn't sound as good as they did yesterday. Howard was really upset and spent a few minutes venting his frustrations on people. Fred said that he told everyone to write down their settings just in case something like this might happen. He thinks that Stuttering John didn't bother to do that but John says he did. Scott the Engineer also spent some time yelling at their sound engineer before the show started. It's a disaster before it even starts.

  Howard is having second thoughts on his review of ''The Cell'' after reading a critic's review of the movie in the NY Post. The guy only gave it 2 stars and basically said it was horrible. Howard was raving about it the other day after he saw a preview of it. Robin told him that reviewers like that never give movies like that good reviews. Robin said she was sticking with her review of the movie ''Last Action Hero'' that she gave a few years back. She thought it was the greatest movie even though everyone else thought it sucked. She said she'll still sit and watch it if she runs across it on a movie channel. Howard thinks she's crazy.

  Howard is thinking of posting all of the death pool lists on a web site sometime soon. It'll most likely turn up on KRockRadio.com.

  Howard says that he did some research on his own and figured out why the Russian's didn't want any help in trying to save their sub from the bottom of the sea. Howard found that they probably had a missile test go wrong and it ended up blowing a hole in the sub. He also thinks that most, if not all, of the sailors were killed in the initial blast. If that were the case then the Russians wouldn't want anyone to know about it so they kept everyone away. Plus, it makes them look like fools if they blew up their own sub.

  Howard spent a little while talking about how bad Al Gore was trying to change the way he speaks in last night's speech. He said that you can tell that he's being coached by someone to learn how to be more animated. It's not working very well according to Howard and he thinks they should just leave him alone and let him speak his own way. He thinks that Gore will be confused if people try to change him. Howard says that Gore ''..went from dull to dull and uncomfortable.''

  Over the past year or so Howard has been unable to set his alarm clock to the radio station he wants. Instead, he's always awakened by a religious station that he's unable to change. He played tape of some of the stuff he hears when he wakes up. It's all songs about Jesus or a guy talking about the bible. Howard thinks it's sign or something.

• The Gossip Game With Guest Cindy Margolis. 8/18/00. 7:20am
  Howard came back from a commercial saying that Cindy Margolis had just made out with him during band rehearsal. She was hanging around during The Losers rehearsal and said they sounded great. Howard said that Cindy's breasts are looking better than ever. She said that she had them lifted about 6 months ago. She told Howard that they're not implants either. Robin also had her's lifted at one point in her life so they have something in common.

  Cindy has been called ''The most downloaded woman on the web'' for the past few years and Howard doesn't believe it. He spoke to her about that and told her that even the Guinness book of world records is now saying that Danni from Danni's Hard Drive is actually the most downloaded woman. Cindy told Howard that it's Yahoo and America Online that are calling her the most downloaded so it's not going to be explicit sites or women who are going to make the list. Cindy never poses nude, she's always in a bikini or something sexy. Howard was finally understanding what was going on there.

  Howard had Mike Walker on the phone to play the Gossip Game this morning. He also told Cindy that she was playing for a listener today. If she wins then the listener would win $1000 courtesy of iWon.com. Each week Mike Walker, author of ''Malicious Intent'', calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:

  1. Pamela Anderson's new boyfriend, Marcus Shankenberg, won't let her get massages from anyone but him. He won't allow her old masseuse to massage her anymore.
  2. Sigfried of the Las Vegas act Sigfried and Roy was scratched by one of his tigers. The tiger was sick and sleeping in his bed when it stretched and clawed him in the ass. He had to get 5 stitches in his butt.
  3. Britney Spears has had a tanning bed installed in her tour bus so she can maintain her ''honey'' colored skin tone.
  4. Cameron Manheim from the TV show ''The Practice'' has put out an offer to anyone who can get her a date that lasts more than 3 months. She'll give the person who sets up the date $1000.
  Cindy, Howard and Jackie all went with number 2 as the false story. Robin picked number 4 as the false one. The actual false story was number two. Robin is on a long losing streak for some reason.

  After the game Howard spoke to Cindy about her new TV show which starts this Saturday night. It'll be airing after Howard's show in many markets. Cindy said that it features a lot of hot women in sexy outfits. They play games and hang out in sexy places in sexy clothes. She said she'll be in all kinds of sexy outfits throughout the show.

  Gary made a phony phone call to Cindy recently and in the call they asked her to do some wacky stuff. One of the things Gary asked her to do was sleep with Howard. She said she would do it. Today Howard said that Gary was unable to make the call to her for him to sleep with her because it was too awkward. Cindy told Howard that when she got married she and her husband made up lists of people they could sleep with and Howard was on her list. So she is still willing to have him come to her hotel and sleep with her. Howard said he really wants to do this and Cindy told him that he just has to come on her show. Howard doesn't want to do that but she convinced him that it's okay to come over to her hotel. Howard let Cindy plug her show and web site CindyMargolis.com. She gave him a kiss goodbye and Howard asked Gary if he got the info from Cindy. Gary said he got the address and phone number for her. Cindy even said she'd change her flight out of town just for Howard if he wants to come over. Howard knows that nothing will happen though. He predicts that she'll just want to have dinner because she's married.

• Battle Of The Bands: The Losers vs Tuvok (Tim Russ). 8/18/00. 8:20am
  Howard brought in three judges for today's Battle of the Bands. He also brought in Tim Russ, who plays Mr. Tuvok on ''Star Trek Voyager''. Howard spent a few minutes introducing each of the judges including Steve Stauff who is the Executive Vice President of Interscope records, Tom Calderon who is the Senior Vice President of talent and music at MTV, and Jason Flom who is the President of the Lava label under Atlantic Records. Howard spent a couple of minutes giving out everyone's credentials before moving on to Tim Russ. Tim says that he's confident his band would beat The Losers in this battle. He said that The Losers are going to sink like a Russian sub. The deal was that if Tim loses the competition he has to wear his Vulcan ears from ''Star Trek Voyager''. He had the ears with him just in case. Howard was ready to begin right after interviewing everyone so he got started. He introduced The Losers and started to play. They immediately ran in to trouble. There was a nasty buzz coming from somewhere so they had to start over. They started over and they had the same problem so Howard had to take a commercial break. Howard said that Tim's band must have come in and sabotaged the equipment or something.

  After the break Howard came back and said that Steve told him that they shouldn't have gone first. They should have let the other band go first so they'd experience the technical difficulties. The Losers performed their unusual version of Donovan's ''Hurdy Gurdy Man''. They sounded about as good as they could possibly sound. Fred's guitar playing was better than you'd think and they didn't seem to have any problems. Howard was happy with the way it went off also. He took another break so that Tim's band could set up their equipment.

  When they came back Howard took a couple of phone calls who said that Howard sounded surprisingly good. Howard then let Tim Russ and his supporting band, Neal Norman & His Cosmic Orchestra, perform ''Money Talks''.

  It didn't sound too bad but Howard let the judges be the judge of that. Howard told them to judge this like they had to sign one of these two bands to their label (or play a video on MTV). Jason was the first one to tell Tim and the Cosmic Orchestra that he had to pick The Losers. He said that the Cosmic Orchestra made The Losers look young. He said that the Cosmic Orchestra looks like they could have been a ''..wedding band in the Truman era.'' Howard said that they should change their name to ''The Viagras''. Steve was up next. He complimented The Losers choice of outfits. He said that the Cosmic Orchestra had ''crazy outfits'' and said that they had a Liberace feel. He also picked The Losers as the winners. Finally, Tom Calderon from MTV went. He said that Tim's band sounded ''tight'' but the outfits were tough. He said that he had to go with The Losers mainly because of Fred's guitar playing. He said that it was amazing and it fits in with ''today's sound''. Tim thought that this was all rigged but Howard swears that it's not. He told Tim that Tina Yothers just called and wants to join him on the ledge. Tim wasn't affected by this judging though. He told Howard that he wants to have a rematch on the west coast with his own judges. Howard told him ''any time!''

  Howard told Tim that he's spare him the embarrassment of wearing his Vulcan ears. Gary came in and told Howard that The Losers may be battling Doug Flutie's band in the near future so they have no time to rest. Howard says he's going to remake ''Jeepster'' for his next battle.

  Before Tim left KC brought in some stuttering guy who wanted to complain to Tom about MTV not playing enough music videos. The guy came in but he stuttered and mumbled so much that it was too hard to understand what he was talking about. Tom told the guy that MTV plays just as much music as they ever have and they got rid of the guy. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Tim about Star Trek conventions and groupies before he ended the segment. You can find out more about Tim at TimRussWebPage.com

• Comedian Robert Schimmel Calls In. 8/18/00. 9:35am
  Comedian Robert Schimmel called in this morning to thank Robin for putting him on her Death Pool list. It turns out that Bob has ''non-Hodgkins lymphoma'' and he has to go through chemotherapy. He said that he wanted to come to the studio this morning but his doctor advised him not to because his white blood cell count is low and he could get sick. That's not stopping him from doing an appearance at the Trump Marina Casino in Atlantic City tomorrow night. He's also planning on being around to do another gig at the Monte Carlo in Las Vegas on September 8th and 9th.

  Howard said he heard that Bob and his wife are closer than ever now that he's dying. He said that's true and it's very tough for them because they lost their son to cancer. Bob told Howard that his wife was the one who noticed a lump under his arm that he didn't know about. He went in the next day to have it checked out and that's when he found out about the cancer. He said his doctor gave him a booklet called ''You and Your Cancer'' which advises you not to have sex because you are toxic after the chemotherapy. He also joked about the part that says you're supposed to avoid any oral/anal contact when you have open sores in your mouth. Bob said that he has trouble getting an ice cube in his mouth when he has sores in his mouth so there's no way he'd be doing any of that other stuff.

  Bob said that he has some pain once in a while but over all he feels pretty good. He's lost 17 pounds since he started the chemotherapy and he's only on his third treatment out of 6. He had to have his bone marrow checked for cancer and that was really painful. He said they don't put you out for that and it hurts really bad.

  Bob said that everyone keeps asking him if the doctors have offered him medical marijuana yet. Bob said that they don't do that for his type of cancer but his family and friends have asked about it. One of his friends bought him some so he smoked it. He said he got more stoned than he's ever gotten before. He was amazed at how powerful the stuff is these days.

  Bob has a TV show deal with FOX and everything was going really well for him until this happened. He said he busted his ass for 20 years and then Bam! this hit him. Howard told him he could join The Losers because he really is a loser.

  Bob said he was listening to Howard and Robin announcing their Death Pool lists the other day. He was glad that he didn't hear his name mentioned while he was listening. Then he got a call from his son-in-law saying that Robin had his name on the list. Jackie had it on his list but he ended up crossing it out. Howard said he would have put Bob on his list but he forgot that he had cancer while he was putting together his list.

  This guy Iman from WNVE up in Rochester, NY called in and said that he'd be willing to be a bone marrow donor if Bob needs it. Bob was very thankful for that and Iman said he wasn't kidding. Bob told Howard he's 50 years old so if he does die Robin would get a full 50 points in the Death Pool.